“There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have.” – Howard Thurman
This is about sounds.
There are those sounds so awful … you cringe.
Oh.
And then those sounds which make you sit back and sigh.
Oddly … I may suggest the most wonderful sound in the world is the silence that follows the last note of your favorite song. Can silence really be a sound?
A good friend of mine told me the most beautiful sound in the world was the laughter of his children.
Well.
I don’t know why I thought of this but I started a list years ago of what I consider the sweetest sounds in the world. Now that I have filled up the little paper with scribbles of random thoughts … I figured it was time to share:
– “and the dreams you dare to dream … really do come true.” I wanted to say Judy Garland singing ‘Over the Rainbow’ but I thought I would be more exacting … these specific lyrics. In the right mood ‘Over the Rainbow’ can bring a tear to my eye. In every mood those lyrics make me dream. What more could you ask of sound?
– A baseball coming off a wood bat right in the sweet spot. Ah. That ‘crack.’ You don’t even have to look. You know it was hit on the nose <a fastball hitting a catcher’s mitt was a close second here>.
– Church bells in the distance. It doesn’t matter if you are religious or not, believe in God or any higher being, church bells play to your soul and make an offering with their sound to whomever is watching over us.
– The crunch of fall leaves under your feet. It has always confounded me that the sound of dead leaves can make the air crackle with life.
– The little sniff your dog makes as he nuzzles you when he knows, somehow, that something is wrong. The little sound tells you he is there in case you need someone. It is the sound of someone loving you more than they love themselves … maybe even more than Life itself. I tend to think it is the sound of unbounded companionship.
<a close second was the raucous scrabble of paws when you open the front door after having been gone for 3 hours or 3 days … sometimes even 3 minutes>.
– The drone of a propeller plane overhead. Have you ever noticed they seem to only be heard on days with blue skies and big puffy white clouds?
– Horses’ hooves clattering on cobblestone. No matter where you are or what you are doing this sound will place you somewhere back in time. I am not sure there is another sound which sounds like history better than this one.
– Violins. I could probably have chosen any instrument well played but the stirring sweeping sounds of a group of violins or the single mournful tug in your heart from a solo violin in a Beethoven <place any great composer here> symphony? Well. Close your eyes. Is there a sweeter sound?
– “Yes” <possibly tied with with “everything will be alright”>. There are moments when you listen to someone say something … and then there are moments. You have shared your thoughts … maybe just a crazy idea … maybe your dreams … maybe something you have held inside for a very very long time. Nothing beats hearing you are right … or all will be okay.
– Marvin Gaye. Possibly the smoothest singing voice you will ever hear. Roberta Flack sang “killing me softly with his song” for the first time as Marvin Gaye stood offstage. It wasn’t about him but should have been. He was able to transition seamlessly to impossibly high registers. In some songs his voice jumps up 2 octaves without the slightest of hesitation and when he sings in the lower register … he speaks to whatever inner voice you have.
– The sound of rain gently falling on tree leaves … best in the morning just as you wake up. That light pitter patter on leaves just outside the window. Enough said.
– Someone from eastern Europe speaking English. English is a tough language to grasp. An eastern European woman struggling to communicate in English … or even smoothly communicating in English … they inevitably have a throaty delivery that makes every man in the room tingle.
– The soft quick crack of an ice cube placed in an already cold drink. You want something cool to drink. The crack is confirmation that you now have a cold drink. Even cooler.
– The pages of an old book rustling like an old parchment as you turn the pages. Its not just the rough feeling of that thicker paper less pliable because of time upon your fingers … it is the sound that the pages make as you flip one over to read the dated type font and the words leap off the page with the sound of the rustling. Reading is never better.
– Toni Braxton or Anita Baker singing almost anything. Their deeper voices sink into the pit of your stomach so far it aches. In fact … that is what touching your soul feels like.
– The swishy sound of a woman walking in a full length skirt. There is a regalness that can be found in any and every woman. A sense of elegance. The swishing sound of a skirt as they slip into a room or step down the street is … well … the sound of elegance. You do not even have to look <although every red blooded man will>. This is the sound of a woman.
– The opening notes of your favorite song. You don’t need more than 5 seconds and you know exactly what the song is. More importantly? With the sound … within those 5 finite seconds … you enter an infinite space of memories, feelings, thoughts. This sound expands time. Some would call this sound a miracle.
– The cable car bells in san Francisco. In any other place and time the clanging of the cable car bells would most likely be obnoxious. In the crooked streets of san Francisco, which sweep to impossible heights and depths, the echoes of the cable car bells are the birds of the city.
– James Earl Jones’ voice. From Roots to Lion King to Darth Vader … he could describe your death to you and you would sit enraptured to the final word.
– The inner voice we all have. Unfortunately it doesn’t sound like James Earl Jones <which would possibly make it easier to pay attention to and believe> but you hear it loud and clear on occasion. It is the sound of the ‘genuine’ within you. it is truly the only true guide you have. I wish it would speak more often but I always try and listen closely for its whisper.
And, of course …
– “I love you” from someone you love.
——-
“… you make yourself void.
You become silence.
You become more silent than the silence around you.
And then something extraordinary happens: you hear silence speak.”
―
Edmond Jabès
===
Listening.
Listening is hard.
Don’t let anyone try and convince you otherwise.
It takes a certain internal fortitude to be a great listener. It takes character to be silent as things, and words, you may not agree with swirl around you nipping at your own opinions and thoughts.
It is very very difficult to listen without bias or to listen without already formulating your own next words.
===
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
–
Stephen Covey
<the guy who wrote The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People>
===
Good listeners don’t pounce on individual words nor do they slice into your sentences talking you’re your next words and thoughts.
They let you actually finish.
They permit the thought to get out not to be lost or altered in its formulation from your lips.
They allow you to keep going … even after you have finished. And sometimes they sneak in a question to remind you that you are actually not finished.
They allow silence to speak.
They permit words that are lost to be found.
And in finding these hidden words sometimes they find new thoughts of their own. They can see the world through someone else’s eyes … and see things a little differently.
See … that is the amazing thing … if you let them … that is what words do.
Words help you see things … differently … more clearly … with colors or in stark black and white.
Maybe that is why you should listen … you become a discoverer.
An explorer.
Instead of presenting to people what you have already found … you revel in the discovery of something uncovered from another.
Ah.
Such little words ‘to’ and ‘from’ are … and yet … with regard to listening … they can make a world of difference.
Anyway.
Let me end with his fabulous thought on why we should all listen:
==
“So many words get lost.
They leave the mouth and lose their courage, wandering aimlessly until they are swept into the gutter like dead leaves.
On rainy days, you can hear their chorus rushing past:
IwasabeautifulgirlPleasedon’tgoItoobelievemybodyismadeofglass-I’veneverlovedanyoneIthinkofmyselfasfunnyForgiveme ….”
–
Nicole Krauss
==
=
What a wonderful thought in there … a great listener gives words their courage.
I struggle to find a greater compliment in the world.
Anyway.
In general I believe we are becoming worse at listening … in business <for sure> and Life <somewhat>.
In business we seem to be teaching rushing from one thing to another like organized chickens with our proverbial heads cut off. That translates into less real listening and a focus on ‘effective communication’ <which kind of implies ‘listen to me’>. what kind of future leaders do we believe we are developing if we are not teaching them the value of being a good listener.
And in Life?
Well.
I don’t know that we are actually worse.
I am just not sure we are actually taking the time to do it. As we rush from one thing on our to-do list to another it is <without any judgment> difficult to be a great listener. Therefore … not only is great listening difficult … the environment is not conducive to being a listener.
I know we can fix the business issue if we want to.
We just have to want to.
Life?
Well.
We just have to do the best we can … try a little harder. Listen a little more … and a little more closely.
Let silence speak every once in a while.
And, well, make sure words do not get lost.
“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”
– Winnie the Pooh
Winnie the Pooh was a pretty smart bear for a bear with only fluff in his head.
Listening is an underrated skill.
Mostly because nowadays it seems we teach our younger generation to speak up when they have an opinion and that “everyone has good ideas so don’t hesitate to speak up.”
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm … what happened to speak when spoken to?
Or “if you don’t have something good to say don’t say anything at all”?
Or “think before you speak”?
Of course (because I love contradictions) I am a huge proponent of patient quickness.
I have used this term a number of times when debating with people about “retail speed” or the “speed of retail.” Retail business isn’t about just doing things fast. It’s about moving quickly smartly. It doesn’t mean moving quickly all the time. Being great in retail business is like being a great running back.
Patient. Patient. See opening. Quick to the opening.
You can be quick and still not be moving.
And observation and listening is exactly the same thing.
Patient quickness.
Understanding the value of doing nothing with the intent to do something when it matters (versus doing lots of somethings of which a small percentage really matter).
Of course this gives me an excuse to mention border collies. Probably the epitome of patient quickness. Masters of stillness. Masters of quickness. Masters of unwasted movement.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm …. good business lessons one might suggest.
And people would be well served to remind themselves of this.
Particularly in the business environment these days.
Along those lines (of saying things that matter).
When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.
— Winnie the Pooh
Whew. Smart bear.
Sometimes that ‘thing’ in your head is less of a thing when spoken.
And that is why pooh was a bear of little words.
And while I would love to write something here about young people learning to be more careful when they open their mouths in business I find to my dismay … I cannot.
Why?
Well. These days it seems senior people are as much at fault as younger less experienced. And probably even more so because there should be higher expectations tied to their words.
The whole idea of “thinking out loud” or “just throwing an idea out there” seems to have given senior people permission to not think. Or let others do the thinking for them.
This is lazy thinking.
Using “collaboration” as an excuse for speaking poorly thought out thoughts is unforgiveable to a senior manager.
They, in particular, should be attempting that their ‘things’ are more ‘thingish’ when it gets out in the open. In business we should never confuse quantity with quality. Even when it comes to sharing ideas and meetings and “ideation sessions” (which are rarely idea generators but more a mosh pit of egos).
Now. Most senior people wouldn’t look to Pooh for advice.
They may suggest “that’s not my thing.”
Well.
Those who speak should beware.
Thingish things are more valuable to everyone then non-thingish things.
Pooh was an expert on “patient quickness.”
He made moving slowly and thoughtfully but completing shit an art.
And all because he didn’t waste words.
That is the lesson here.
Not bad for someone with just fluff for brains (Pooh, not me).