——

“I had hoped to be disliked by most, not by way of rebellion, but by way of excellence, disdain for the habitual, and the common man’s inability to grasp this.

The act of being scorned?

I saw it as a victory, my irreverent boast against this world which could never fully quench me.”

Coco J. Ginger

——–

Well. I don’t know who Coco is, but this description on her blog is fabulous. And ‘my irreverent boast against this world which could never fully quench me’ may be one of the best thoughts I have read in years.

Regardless. While this is certainly a Life thought, her thought inevitably should resonate with thinkers, writers & bloggers everywhere.

Writers have to live with the words they write.

Once shared they can never be erased.

Thinkers have to live with the ideas they share.

Once shared they can never be replaced.

Why is that so important?

Well.

Couple of thoughts.

First. Most of us play it safe.

It isn’t really political correctness, or fear, it is simply because most of us are … well … common. That’s not any kind of criticism against anyone, it just simply ‘is.’ Most of us are pretty common in our beliefs and shared thoughts. What this means is that if any of us common people have a slightly uncommon thought, idea, or something to write it feels a bit unsafe. And it is (to us). That is not an indictment on any of us nor am I going to suggest the trite ‘step out of your comfort zone’ or any fortune cookie life wisdom. Living with something that can never be replaced should demand some thoughtfulness and if you elect to play it safe, it is your choice and not someone else’s.

Second. The passionate people, and people under stress I imagine, say things now that they regret later.

This happens a lot because we live in the moment and it is a reflection of how you feel in the moment.

And, you know what? … that is okay. Because we change moment to moment, circumstance to circumstance, and having the ability to articulate that moment is a gift. I would note that most of these people don’t say what they say to be rebellious they simply say it because they feel it at that moment. I would also note the great ones say it in a way that spans generations of moments.

Now. All that said.

Words, once inscribed, never change.

Sharing words that showing disdain for the habitual?

Sharing words that show irreverent boast against a world that can never fully quench me?

Personally, I often use “I have a lover’s quarrel with the world.” Compared to “a world that can never fully quench me” it sounds less than. It sounds combative rather than hopeful. I imagine it is a reflection of the fact I see the world as full but imperfect and I seek to change it. A world that cannot fully quench me is one that has no boundaries. She sees a horizon I cannot imagine but could only dream of.

I wish I had written this thought.

It is spectacular.

But I imagine I couldn’t.

For she also wrote this about herself:

—–

“I am torn open, unabridged, hot and a bit crazy inside.

This is the feeling which belongs to me, she has always been mine.”

Coco J. Ginger

—–

I chuckled. She is as Kerouac said “… the ones mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time.”

We need people like this to stretch us all. We may dislike people like this because they make us feel a bit uncomfortable in their desire to remake a world in their vision, but these people have purposefully chosen a path that many of us not only didn’t choose to walk, but we also could not walk it. Yeah. I just said that. Some people have this dna and some do not. And that is okay. Just as I pointed out in ‘play it safe’, you make choices with regard to your own life, someone else does not.

If you would like to visit her blog, it is called Courting Madness.

Her poetry is interesting. Her writing has flashes of brilliance. And, for the most part, she is sparing with words but never sparing on thought. But, most importantly, she is one of those people who know words and ideas shared can never be replaced within a world which can never quench them.

====

“So the universe is not quite as you thought it was.


You’d better rearrange your beliefs, then. Because you certainly can’t rearrange the universe.”

Isaac Asimov

====

We talk about changing the world and ‘rocking the universe’ not only when young, but in discussions where we are thinking about maximizing our potential or maybe we do it simply to convince ourselves we can do something that matters.

In other words …

We have a plan.

Ok. Maybe its not a specific step-by-step plan, but we have a general schematic of a plan which showcases key lines and dimensions of what, where and how.

It is kind of a rough blueprint sketched out on a cocktail napkin.

Uhm.

But then some stranger randomly puts their drink on your napkin and the ink runs a little and there is an obnoxious ring cutting thru a key line or two. In other words, things get a bit fuzzy.

In other words, basically the universe you had planned against has conspired against you in a seemingly random way.

Yeah.

The universe is as it is. Despite all your wishes and dreams and desires to disturb or disrupt the universe you, well, you cannot. The universe arranges itself without consulting you or your plans.

That doesn’t mean you don’t have any control of what happens to you nor does it mean you shouldn’t attempt to shape things so you may achieve what you desire, it is just that sometimes you need to rearrange your beliefs.

Now. I write a shitload about maintaining you character and the core of who and what you are as well as maintaining a focus on the more important things <because a shitload of unimportant things are gonna be bright shiny objects that can easily distract you>.

To be clear. The universe is not something that is distracting; it is a consistently inconsistent environment in which distractions appear. Despite that, you need to stay the course of who & what you are and all the while rearranging some of your beliefs with regard to … well … what I will call ‘strategy & tactics.’

Simplistically, in my mind, you reside in this consistent inconsistent universe maintaining your individual ‘brand essence’ <distinctly different than personal branding> and grounded in a sense of purpose, i.e., what you want to contribute and maybe an idea of what matters to you, and rearranging your strategy & tactics to accommodate the universe.

This may sound intellectually challenging and mentally tiring and … well … a lot of work <when you were kind of hoping Life would be a little simpler>.

Well.

It is kind of tiring.

But that is kind of the price of living a full Life, well, okay, maybe at least some kind of ‘non-stagnant’ life.

I imagine everyone has a choice.

Try and stand still and weather the universe as it rearranges itself or attempt to move <forward, sideways, diagonally, or whatever direction you can  – because progress is not always ‘forward’>.

Most of us?

We just go on.

We step forward, backwards, diagonally and sideways, all with an eye on whatever version of progress we may have in our heads.

We do so because … well … what is the alternative?

====

“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you.  You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way. “

Elizabeth Taylor

Anyway.

It is quite possible that the business of living is grounded in the thought of ‘rearranging your beliefs’ because the universe is certainly not going to rearrange its beliefs.

Ponder <but do some rearranging while doing so>.

====

“It’s not worth doing something unless someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren’t doing it.”

Terry Pratchett

——-

In business … trust me on this … if you do something worth doing I can almost guarantee that someone will not only much rather you were not doing it, they will most likely be quite vocal in telling other people you shouldn’t be doing it.

Why?

Mostly because if it is worth doing it is going to:

<a> go against the status quo or against the grain

,or,

<b> will force some version and degree of change

, or,

<c> make people ‘do something.’

Regardless. Suffice it to say. Inertia is seductive.

Shit.

Status quo is seductive.

Shit.

Not changing is … well … easier.

Fighting all of that stagnancy is … well … a sense of progress. In business once things are moving and even a glimpse of progress is in view <or even the hope of some progress at some point> anything else worth doing doesn’t seem as attractive to a lot of people. Yes. That includes, inertia, status quo & not changing.

I am not suggesting everything you do will be truly meaningful and even if it is meaningful it will, or should, create angst among people. To be sure many, if not most, things you do in everyday business simply is to keep the engine running. And don’t fool yourself into believing these things are not important because they are.

But some things, maybe the most worthy things, THOSE things I can guarantee that someone would rather you not do them. I imagine my real point is that in business you often know you are doing something right, or something meaningful, when someone somewhere would rather you not be doing it.

I will also suggest that being able to discern what is worthy and what is not is not easy. Sometimes you can tell and sometimes you need someone else to tell. And, yet, ‘someone else’ will not always be able to tell … nor always be right.

Oh.

And you may not be able to tell or be right.

Shit.

Doing something worth something is tough.

But.

That said.

Here is all I really know.

If you actually do something worth doing <whether you can tell it is worthy or not> someone, somewhere, would much rather you not doing it.

=====

author’s note:

it seemed right to solely use Hugh McLeod Gaping Void cartoons with this Terry Pratchett thought and business thinking. I highly recommend any of Hugh’s books and using, and crediting, any of his illustrations.

====

“It is pretty to be in love. It’s magical, I’m sure. But it’s also wonderful to stop for ice cream in your prom dress with six other girls. It’s also wonderful to go visit the world with nothing but a bunch of buddies who are really excited about learning. The problem is: we’ve made everything about “the one”.

But maybe “the one” is just you, loving yourself, having fun, and being happy. Maybe instead of looking for our other halves, we should be piecing ourselves together.

Maybe I wasn’t born unfinished. Maybe I am the one who makes myself better.”

===

This piece today isn’t about love, it about:

“maybe I wasn’t born unfinished”

When I read that line I stopped. Reread it. And challenged almost everything I have ever written and said about self and sense of self.

I love the thought.

I do think far far too often we find ourselves through others. It is kind of natural because comparisons tend to offer some outlines. It’s not that we shouldn’t look around us and find things we like, and dislike, and assess, but emulate? Yikes. I hesitate. At least a little.

I would much rather we see, think and assess and rather than simply emulate we evaluate who and what we are already. Maybe use the external to invigorate and energize the internal.

And maybe I suggest this because far far too often we think we are a reflection of our experiences rather than a reflection of who we are simply coming to life.

Is this a chicken or egg discussion? Maybe. But in one aspect you can suggest you are built by the external and in another aspect you can be suggesting you are simply blooming as you weather life.

Semantics? Sure. But an important one in my eyes.

Look.

I don’t want this to sound like it is an either or discussion. But I do love the thought of believing you are not born unfinished. I love the thought that everything you need resides within and all you need to do is figure out how to let it out, and shine, and grow.   It is kind of like the latin thought of “luctor et emergo” <I struggle and emerge>.

I do love the thought that maybe it is not who you are that could hold you back from what you could be ,but more often than not the challenge is who you think you are not. Ponder that for a second or two.

I say that because if you focus on the ‘think’ aspect you end up seeking external to validate, or as a corollary the external invalidates <voids, annuls>, that which resides within you and who you are.

That is a very very dangerous Life game.

It is dangerous because instead of piecing yourself together you steal or borrow pieces from others to shape yourself and you become, well, a Frankenstein <maybe not that bad but you get the point>. Or maybe you end up sacrificing parts of yourself to please the external.

All that said. I am sure the reality of a healthy self is somewhere in between. Sometimes uncovering that which exists within and sometimes finding a piece you see and borrowing it as you piece yourself together <although I could argue that any piece you see, and borrow, more often than not is something you already have within and that external piece simply brought your own finished, but unseen, piece to the forefront>.

Anyway.

I am a huge hope guy. I believe the biggest hope of all is the one we all carry within us, a hope we are born with, the one which is a hope to be the best person we can be.

====

“I hoped for nothing. And yet I lived in expectation.”

Stanislaw Lem

====

It is a hope of all that can be and, yet, ‘nothing’ in that it has yet to be.

It is a hopeful contradiction — to live in expectation of something and yet tempered with aspects of nothing. I love the hope found in the thought of being born finished and we don’t need others to piece us together and that each of us is strong enough, and born good enough. The thought that all we have is within us.

I certainly believe, and know, Life is significantly better not lived alone. But what an incredibly empowering thought … “maybe I wasn’t born unfinished and I am the one who makes me better.”

But maybe “the one” is just you.

What a fucking beautiful thought.

I wish I had written it.

“The apple never falls far from the tree.”

How often do we hear this as an explanation for why someone is, or does, as they are?

My quote?

“It doesn’t matter how far the apple falls from the tree it only matters where it lands.”

We spend a lot of time trying to explain why someone is like they are. The most common explanation we toss out is “the apple never falls far from the tree.” Well. This is partially true and partially not. its mostly not true because we view this thought in a very simplistic ways, i.e., parents/father/mother. What is true is that people, individuals, are victims or products of the systems they exist and behave within. What I mean by that is the family, or parents, is just one system. Friends, school, church, community, are other systems which connect and intersect with each other all shaping who you are and become.

I say all that because while we often point to parents as the major influencer with regard to how kids ‘turn out’ or their behavior later in life there are some very interesting research studies out there that suggest a kid’s peer group is a stronger influence on their future behavior.

“… how the parents rear the child has no long term effects on the child’s personality, intelligence or mental health.”

“The Decision Book” page 46 “Why Parents are Unimportant” model

That will drive some parents a little crazy <and give another smaller percentage a built-in excuse for the crappy job they may already be doing with regard to bringing up their kids>. That said. The belief ‘apple not falling far from the tree’ was driven by behaviorists’ belief that parents influence their children’s development by the rewards and punishments they dole out, and the Freudians’ belief that parents can mess up their children very badly and often do so.

That was ‘behaviorist beliefs.’

No real studies or research.

Just a bunch of published ‘here is what I believe’ mumbo jumbo which then quickly shifted into some ‘common sense’ that everyone took for granted.

In 1955 psychologist Judith Rich Harris attacked this belief.

To be clear. There is no question that the adult caregivers play an important role in the baby’s life. It is from them babies learn their first language, have their first experiences in forming and maintaining relationships and get their first lessons in following rules.

But the extent our personalities are shaped by our upbringing had never really been examined and, specifically, whether children elicit particular behavior in their parents and not vice versa.

Harris contradicted the Freudian based behaviorists and development psychologists by suggesting we modify our behavior depending on the environment we are in.

Yeah. Context matters. Yeah. Systems encourage behavior the system encourages. Yeah. Children are shaped not by their parents, but by the peer group in which they are socialized. Yeah. Being within a system shapes mindsets, attitudes, behaviors and, well, who we are.

Harris poses that in home learning certainly sets the pattern for what is to follow, but that the actual content of what children learn may be irrelevant to the world outside their home. The truth is many young people shed the in-home system as soon as they enter into another system <or keep some aspects and shed others>.

The evidence developmental psychologists use to support the nurture assumption is not what it appears to be: it does not prove what it appears to prove. And there is a rising tide of evidence against the nurture assumption.

The nurture assumption is not a truism; it is not even a universally acknowledged truth. It is a product of our culture–a cherished cultural myth.

No one questions it because it seems self-evident. The two things that determine what sort of people your children will turn out to be are nature–their genes–and nurture–the way you bring them up. That is what you believe and it also happens to be what the professor of psychology believes. A happy coincidence that is not to be taken for granted, because in most sciences the expert thinks one thing and the ordinary citizen–the one who used to be called “the man on the street”–thinks something else. But on this the professor and the person ahead of you on the checkout line agree: nature and nurture rule. Nature gives parents a baby; the end result depends on how they nurture it. Good nurturing can make up for many of nature’s mistakes; lack of nurturing can trash nature’s best efforts.

That is what I used to think too, before I changed my mind.

What I changed my mind about was nurture, not environment. It isn’t all about genetics. The environment is just as important as the genes. The things children experience while they are growing up are just as important as the things they are born with. What I changed my mind about was whether “nurture” is really a synonym for “environment.”

By the way.

This doesn’t mean that a parent doesn’t influence a child’s ‘end adult space.’ They can place children in social environments and initiate a variety of actions that could impact final sociological behavior, in other words, purposefully push or encourage children to interact within “accepted systems”. But social systems are difficult to control and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see how children speak the dialect of their peer groups and assume attitudes/behaviors of their peer group <varying from group behavior to individual style>.

Before I get to my main point today let me make sure you don’t think this is sheer bullhockey <baloney, absurd, whatever>.

Reflecting on parenting is difficult.

Experiences in life appear very good when we remember or anticipate them, but quite ordinary or downright bad in the moment. I say this because when you think about parenting most people will suggest it was a challenging, but fairly positive life adventure.

Parents often look back on their attempts at steering their children toward social responsibility and a career or looking at their youth as a life filled with unconditional <sometimes tough> love and a list of shared moments. But the truth is most of the day-to-day tasks of child rearing are mind numbingly mundane at best and harrowing at its worst.

Well. That was certainly jaded, but you get the point. As with most things in Life the majority of parenting is a grind and in our reflective memory we find the reasons why it was all worthwhile, but in doing so we judge <or misjudge> that system within which the young person existed.

*** note: this is Daniel Kahneman’s “experienced memory” versus “remembered memory”

What is neglected are the systems, the numerous moments and interactions a child spends outside the parents’ auspices within other systems all the while assimilating learnings, experiences, mindsets, attitudes & behaviors.

But here is my larger point.

I did not write this to suggest that parents have no responsibility nor to suggest that they certainly cannot influence how their children will turn out as adults, but rather to point out systems exist within systems and each of the systems can affect our mindsets, attitudes and behaviors. There is certainly a bunch of research that actually suggests poor parenting drives children deeper into their peer group <socialized life learning> for behavioral cues, but the larger narrative is that a poor system does NOT necessarily create bad behavior but instead it can cause someone to reject that system and seek out an alternative. This is important because if everything is interconnected and you can ‘system hop’, explaining people or defining people can be really difficult.

That last thought isn’t just important to parents, but to businesses, ‘culture’ people, organizational design, social dynamics and strategists.

Maybe we should be thinking a bit more about who someone hangs out with – as a choice.

Maybe we should be thinking a lot less about “the apple never falls far from the tree” and think a lot more about where the frickin’ apple falls instead.

=========

“They can betray me, but I choose not to betray my peace of mind.”

Dodinsky

===============

I can honestly say I have never been betrayed by anyone.

Well.     Okay.     Maybe.

Sure.

Some people have disappointed me in their choices & actions … but … either I have never done anything bad enough that was worth being betrayed for <… uhm … I am fairly sure I have some betrayable items I have done strewn throughout my past so that’s not it> or I haven’t considered what someone has done as ‘betrayal’ or worthy enough to be truly deemed “betrayal worthy.”

Now.

It is quite possible I define betrayal differently than a lot of other people.

Because <part 1> I would guess I could go back to high school and examine some ‘friendship betrayal’ thing … which … well … in viewing as an adult would probably look fairly absurd <even though it may have felt like betrayal at the time>.

Because <part 2> I imagine I could examine some past relationship and assess “betrayal” upon it … which … well … in viewing honestly & realistically was simply an act within a relationship that wasn’t what it was cracked up to be anyway <and inevitably doomed regardless>.

Because <part 3> maybe I refuse to hold a grudge, if even for a short amount of time, because someone has disappointed me.

====

    “I’m all about unforgiving and hating and holding grudges because it keeps me safe and mentally healthy and I don’t care about your stupid feel-good quotes about forgiving everyone everywhere always so you can take your feel-good emotionally manipulative apologist bullshit and shove it”

(via sailingaugust)

=====

This isn’t because I believe in any of the stupid feel good quotes <because I have gone on record publicly on my blog that I believe it is mostly bullshit>.

This isn’t because I believe in any feel good emotionally manipulative apologist bullshit <also have gone on record publicly about this>.

It is because … well … people are people, people are human, and there are two sides to any story.

Here is what I know for sure.

If you give anyone ample opportunity they will sometimes disappoint you.

If you give anyone ample opportunity they will sometimes surprise you.

Suffice it to say people, in your Life, are no better or any worse than people somewhere in someone else’s life.

And, to me, betrayal is tossed around far too flippantly.

People are not monsters nor do they constantly seek to disappoint or ‘betray.’

I could argue that if you stopped for just one second, and maybe think about the fact that each and every one of those same people you are disappointed in are all heroes in their own story – a story that they write every day – well, it’s kind of hard to attach “betray” on someone unless you are pretty selfish.

Selfish in that your story is more important than their story.

And, yet, we all see betrayal come to Life in a variety of ways dependent upon our age and where we are in life.

High school in friends we trusted.

Business in coworkers we trusted.

Relationships in partners we trusted.

Betrayal, in almost all forms or fashion, seems to reside in some unstated contract – a contract with Life.

Think about it. Almost everyone wakes up every day with a contract with the day in front of them. The contract consists of being concerned about their own drama Life and their own ‘things’ rather than whether they should become involved, or not involved, in anything else.

Does that make them someone a betrayer because in doing so they disappoint you?

Well.

Yes and no.

Yes in that people do have contracts with other people. It is not solely an “I” world.

And, yet, no. No in that even at their worst of worst “I” behavior even the monsters don’t see monsters reflected in the mirror.

I try and remember all of that every day.

In my mind betrayal is inevitably a very personal thing. Personal in that it is about having a piece of you either broken or sliced away.

Yeah. It can sting a little.

But it is just a piece and the piece does not define the whole.

==============

“I decided, enough pain …. I was not the woman who breaks into pieces under the blows of abandonment and absence, who goes mad, who dies.

Only a few fragments had splintered off, for the rest I was well. I was whole, whole I would remain. To those who hurt me, I react giving back in kind.

I am the queen of spades, I am the wasp that stings, I am the dark serpent. I am the invulnerable animal who passes through fire and is not burned.”

Elena Ferrante

==================

Yeah.

Maybe someone has betrayed me at some point in my Life.

Maybe I would see it as such if I viewed it as many people would traditionally view betrayed and betrayal.

But maybe people would be better served by viewing betrayal as I do because, well, let me go back to where I began and my 1^st sentence: I can honestly say I have never been betrayed by anyone.

That is my peace of mind.

I have passed through any and all fires of betrayal and not been burned.

Sure seems like a shitload of people would be happier in Life if they could say that.

But that’s me.

Ponder.

—–

“Every time we choose safety, we reinforce fear.”

Cheri Huber

—–

“Looking back, of course, it was irresponsible, mad, forlorn, idiotic, but if you don’t take chances then you’ll never have a winning hand, and I’ve no regrets.”

Bernard Cornwell

—–

So. This is about safety, fear, and those who dare.

I imagine that daring is mostly about fear or the ability to face fear. Because to ‘dare’ is all about stepping away from safety and making some decision, in some form or fashion, to ‘go for it.’ That said I almost began with “qui audet adipiscitur”: “who dares, wins” but elected to not do so.

Why? Well. To me it seems to imply those who dare, well, win. As in ‘the only way to win is to dare.’ Or. To dare is to win.

Uhm. That’s not always true. Those who dare certainly have a chance to win. but they can also lose.

** note: “qui audet adipiscitur” is the motto with the British Special Air Service <SAS>. In addition, the motto has been used by nine elite special forces units around the world that in some way have historical ties to the British SAS.

Anyway. While I am using latin <hopefully correctly … because I do not speak latin> a well-known Latin saying with that same basic meaning is “audaces fortuna juvat” or “luck smiles on the daring” <often stated as ‘fortune favors the bold>.

Here is the deal. I love being bold. I love encouraging some to ‘dare to do.’ But. Being daring, flippantly, is foolish.

Daring is a decision of the moment, not a decision of Life. People who make daring a Life decision tend to have short lives. And to suggest that they ‘lived life to its fullest’ is not only trite, but also foolish. They simply lived a shorter life than they could have because they couldn’t discern when to be daring and when not to be daring <and therefore simply always having an on switch>.

Daring is about choice.

And while just shoving the whole concept of a ‘life of daring’ up a bunch of people’s asses I will then also suggest a full Life contains some moments of daring.

Simplistically, the Life daring formula is this:

—

No daring is bad.

–

All daring is bad.

–

Some daring is good.

And that is where ‘to dare’ becomes all about choiceful choices. It becomes all about discerning the moments to leave safety, to face fear and dare to ‘do’ something.

<by the way … practice makes you better at this>

Life will definitely provide you periods in ‘human affairs’ which represent opportunities … if you dare to make the choice to try and take advantage of the opportunity.

“There are seasons, in human affairs, of inward and outward revolution, when new depths seem to be broken up in the soul, when new wants are unfolded in multitudes, and a new and undefined good is thirsted for.

There are periods when … to dare, is the highest wisdom.”

William Ellery Channing

Look. Daring, in Life, isn’t really about the bleeding edge of courage, it is more likely embodied in simply doing what you can do to put yourself in the way of as much opportunity as possible. Simplistically, Life will deal you a hand and that is mainly a matter of luck. But the way you play the hand is a matter of skill and resilience and, well, daring.

Oh.

Yeah.

I purposefully attached luck to daring.

Yeah … yeah … yeah … people will debate with me on that.

“People make their own luck” is the main comeback.

That’s bullshit.

Let’s face it.

Sometimes you need a little luck. Not always. And you certainly cannot depend on it, but sometimes … just face it … you just need some luck.

And this gets me back to ‘practice makes perfect’ and becoming better at when and where to dare. You can practice luck.

No shit.

A guy named Professor Richard Wiseman, a psychologist at the University of Hertfordshire, has carried out studies on luck and its effect on people.  And he believes lucky people follow their instincts:

—

‘It is very easy to take an unscientific approach to luck and simply speculate about what does and doesn’t make people lucky.

The best work into the topic has involved scientific research and discovered that luck is indeed all in the mind, and that people can change their luck by thinking and behaving like a lucky person.’

—

Luck, and daring to do, are tricky things. And your first experience can dictate some relatively absurd future behavior. If you first step into the ‘I dared to do’ pool is successful, it seems to imbue an exponentially warped larger sense of ‘I can do anything.’ Conversely, if your first step into the ‘I dared to do’ pool almost drowns you, well, you have an increased sense of ‘I belong on the shore.’

In addition.

We see many people so focused on ‘changing their luck’ they become blind to reality and a similar group of people who think ‘I need to be more daring more often in order to get to where I want to get to.’ And inevitably they come crashing to a halt <albeit these are the same people who look back and see the few ‘when it worked out in my favor’ among the many ‘wow I got fried’ moments and continue the absurd behavior>.

Luck & daring is inevitably made by making good choices in when to test luck and when to test daring.

And ultimately it all comes down to one thing – fear. And managing your fear.

You may fear ‘I am no longer lucky.’ <and play on seeking affirmation of your ‘luckiness’ blind to whether it is the best time to try your luck>

You may fear ‘I have never been lucky.’ <and you do not even get in the game … never leave safety>

You may fear ‘I dared and lost so daring is bad.’ <to be clear, one moment in which you are not ‘enough’ is not a reflection of other moments, in other words, you don’t see the concept of ‘moment’ as contextual but rather as similar>

You may fear ‘if I don’t dare I won’t win.’ <more often putting you in increasingly bad situations which you should not have dared an actually increase the degree of difficulty>

I told you this whole thing was hard.

Managing fear is hard. Really hard. And those who state ‘no fear’ are lying <or have some psychological disorder>.

I sometimes fear that we make ‘to dare’ sound so monumental that it  becomes a more daunting choice for us to make.

Look.

If you think about it, to dare is simply a Life choice. One of which we make as part of all the decisions and choices we make each and every day.

Just look really really close at your Life and each day.

You will find the little moments in which you dared to do something.

The moments that if you told someone around you that you ‘dared to do’ something most would laugh and suggest it wasn’t daring.

Baloney. No. Bullshit. They are wrong.

They are the little moments which make you alive. The little moments in which you dared Life and won. The little moments which seem a little brighter than the other often gray moments.

I believe most of us ‘dare to do’ much much more often than we give ourselves credit for. And if we actually gave ourselves credit maybe we would be better at managing the truly more big daring moment decisions and choices.

Aw.

Shit.

Just think about this:

——-

“I will take the sun in my mouth

and leap into the ripe air

Alive

with closed eyes

to dash against darkness”

=

E.E. Cummings

——

 To dare, the big moments or the little moments, is to leap into the ‘ripe air alive.’

Fear & dare are two words which seem to take on a big Life of their own.

And you know what?

They are littler than they imagine.

And you should treat them as littler things.

Dare a little.

—-

“The line of life is a ragged diagonal between duty and desire.” –

=

 William R. Alger

—–

Well. I am not sure I have ever seen a more succinct explanation for Life as a struggle as well as Life is never a straight line.

Life truths?

Life is an ongoing struggle.

And Life is rarely a straight and narrow path.

Why are these ‘truths’? Because inevitably all lives are made up of choices.

A shitload of ongoing choices — small and large and every size in between. And these choices we make all tell us the path(s) our lives will take.

Now. I do not believe our Life, or destiny, is pre-ordained in a black & white definition. What I mean is that even if I did believe in a higher order <God has a plan for each and every one of us> destiny, I would tend to believe it was a map of possibilities. Therefore, we make choices aiming toward something in general <whatever your personal something is> … and amble down a path, or number of paths, that is not preordained but ones we choose.

But.

I like … no … love the thought that we get tugged by some sense of duty <right thing to do> versus desire <some type of self-gratification … spanning from full indulgence to full altruism> as we make all these choices.

What does is mean? A diagonal line.

Oh.

Nope.

A ragged diagonal line.

Should we choose one way … that is the way we will go.

Should we choose another way … we go that way instead.

This means Life consists of paths that branch out turning right and left, this way and that way, running straight and crooked, turning sometimes randomly & severely in a variety of angles.

Yeah. Surely some paths are more likely than others, but we can choose any path to take. And each choice begets more branches ahead — some seen and some yet to be seen. At the core of this thinking is that Life is less about following some planned path, but instead suggests that each choice is contextual – to the environment, to one’s experience & to one’s knowledge.

Now.

I imagine if one lives a stagnant unmoving life the choices may be simpler and the events affecting the branches are fewer. Yet <just in case ‘stagnancy’ appeals to you as an ‘easier life choice’> stagnancy or ‘hiding from Life’ doesn’t guarantee shit.

Why?

Because as your path crosses with others – others who are also making choices –  as you cross the choices of strangers, family, friends, enemies, whomever, their choices affect our path. And their choices sometimes force choice where choice never resided before … or if we even wanted to make a choice at all.

The more people we meet, the more paths & branches crisscross, and cross again. It becomes a tangled confusion of so many choices and paths and interlinked branches it becomes easy to think of it all as chaos. Especially if you think of people and events as threads and not dots in a moment in time:

——

“There is a trail of existence that follows everyone, threads of life that people spin out and leave behind wherever they go.

Threads cross all the time.

Threads cross and cross again – time and place if in no other way – even when the people appear unaware of each other. No one pays attention to others around them unless the overlap happens again.

Sometimes, people miss each other only by a few seconds, yet they are connected.

Sometimes place is the reason for the overlap but time is not.

Sometimes the overlap is purposeful other times happenstance.

The threads are there, no matter.

Ah. When they glow, they are one destiny.” 

Inspector O <james Church book character>

——

It is not chaos, but, your life is affected by these ‘trails of existence’ — impacted by what was, is and what will be. As I type that it can become easy to think you have no control <or simply throw your hands up in the air in frustration>.

Well. While we certainly can be impacted by others or ‘things out of our control’ what remains in our control, always, is the choice. Our choice. The choice to do what we may with the circumstances at hand.

The choice remains with us.

The choice between duty and desire.

In addition.

In each tangled chaotic web of events, threads and paths, it is all bounded by the practical. The practical aspect of what you can actually do, and cannot do, within the choices you make. I am not speaking of dreaming the impossible <because dreaming is good>, but the actual reality of what can be done.

note: the ability to pragmatically assess what IS possible within a given context and what is not takes experience and an eye biased toward some pragmatism.

Oh.

Back to duty & desire.

There is where free will seems to reside. The choices made by duty & desire.

Yeah.

This all sounds chaotic and impossible to navigate. But think about this. Look to the past and it appears to be a neat set of choices made and not made. This is the power, and danger, of reflection.

It all appears like a schematic of choices made of duty … and those of desire. And encounters of events and people who forced us to make choices. We make it all look a little tidier than it was.

Oh shit. Wait a second.

Now.

I imagine if anyone were to look to the future it would simply appear to be sheer chaos. A snarled thread of paths and choices.

Relax.

This is where the original quote comes back to play — our destiny resides in our choices between duty and desire. Period. Sometimes the choice is black & white and often it resides in the gray. Unfortunately, regardless of its hue or shade or color, the choice will place us on a path toward our destiny.

In other words … a ragged diagonal path through Life.

Well.

This all may make us uncomfortable — all this choosing amongst the snarled threads of Life wondering if each choice is somehow easing its way down the ragged diagonal path toward a destiny we either actually seek or one we will be comfortable with in the end or one we cannot even envision yet.

Uncomfortable because we people like have to have an explanation that satisfies us.

And by having this attitude we run the risk of just not seeing it as it is … simply making choices in the moment between desire and duty.

Look.

I Know I am biased and have my own opinions on Life. Heck.

Many months ago in 2010 I wrote about the fact I love being “everywhere at once.”  It was in that piece where I closed my thoughts with: ‘Where do I want to be 10 years from now? Everywhere. All at once.’

Agree or disagree … but … it is a ragged diagonal path we live.

All of us.

I imagine if you define it simply as a shitload of choices made between duty and desire, the ragged aspect will not bother you as much because you are on a path toward a destiny that can be explained in the end — “I balanced duty & desire in my Life.”

Well. If that is measurement of how one made choices, or took control, of their destiny, I believe it would be a life lived well.

===================

“How many people long for that “past, simpler, and better world,” I wonder, without ever recognizing the truth that perhaps it was they who were simpler and better, and not the world about them?”

–

R.A. Salvatore

===========

“There is a trail of existence that follows everyone, threads of life that people spin out and leave behind wherever they go. Threads cross all the time. Threads cross and cross again – time and place if in no other way – even when the people appear unaware of each other. No one pays attention to others around them unless the overlap happens again. Sometimes, people miss each other only by a few seconds, yet they are connected.

Sometimes place is the reason for the overlap, but time is not. Sometimes the overlap is purposeful other times happenstance.

The threads are there, no matter. Ah. When they glow, they are one destiny.” 

–

Inspector O

========================

In general, 95+% of us think the past was simpler or let’s say we think it was less tangled.

In general, 95+% of us view the present as complicated, complex and peppered with shit we never had to deal with in the past … in other words … a tangled mess.

Maybe we should view it differently.

Maybe we should view us, the individual, as more complicated, more complex and more peppered with shit than we were in the past.

Maybe we have forgotten the past when we did what we felt was right versus wrong & what felt good and not bad without getting tangled up in a whole bunch of … well … things Life whispers and shouts into our ear.

Maybe it isn’t Life that is more complex, it is us … & we are tangled up.

Now. In my opinion life has a nasty habit of getting us all tangled up. I will not say “confuse us.” It more likely just twists us pretzel-like between suggesting right things to do, wrong things to do, right ways to do, wrong ways to do and, well, what you are supposed to like versus what you actually do like.

All of this tangling makes us view the world as the villain <or the ‘tangler’ as it were>.

Wrong.

Stop for a second and admit that about maybe we are the ‘tangler.’

Why do I say that?

The world is what it is.

We either respond to the world or we don’t.

We either accommodate the world or we don’t.

We either do everything the world suggests or we don’t.

I say that because Life is indifferent to us. It chugs along in a fairly consistently inconsistent way in that it remains linear while everyone crisscrosses each other, all the experiences and moments crisscross, and good decisions and bad decisions made by everyone crisscross … meaning that all of that gets tangled up … in every moment.

The more people we meet the more paths & branches crisscross and cross again.

It becomes a tangled confusion of so many choices and paths and interlinked branches it becomes easy to think of it all as chaos. Especially if you think of people and events as threads and not dots in a moment in time.

Yeah. As your path crosses with others … others who are also making choices — choices of strangers, family, friends, enemies, whomever — their choices do affect our path. And then we walk in to this multidimensional space bombarded with molecules of other’s choices and contextual environment situational type stuff and … uhm … we have to make a choice.

And that is where we really get all tangled up.

While, yes, we have to make a shitload of ongoing choices – small and large and every size in between – the majority of them we make more difficult than we have to. This most often happens with good intentions in that we try and figure out the “best” choice <in the midst of all this chaos swirling around us> and we overthink.

Then it gets worse.

We look to the past and it appears to be a neat set of choices made … and not made.  It often appears in a nice schematic of context in which we simplistically made some choice based on what we saw and experienced.

Oh <nuts>.

The reality is that we made some choice in some situation which looked a shitload like what it does in the present <and what most likely looks like the future>. Yes. It appears to look a lot like sheer chaos — a snarled thread of paths and choices.

Oh <shit>.

We get all tangled up.

Okay. Let me try and help.

In each tangled chaotic web of events, threads and paths, everything is actually bounded by the practical — the practical aspect of what you can actually do, and cannot do, within the choices you make.

This is the actual reality of what can be done.

This is simplicity.

This is the untangled you.

And if you actually untangle you will find some really good decisions and choices available for you. I am not suggesting it will make the repercussions black & white but … well … shit … I do not believe our Life, or destiny, is pre-ordained in a black & white definition anyway. I tend to believe Life is just a huge map of possibilities in which you kind of forge your way through a relatively chaotic Life by being the best tangled you.

Look. I like … no … love the thought that we get tugged by duty <right thing to do> versus desire <some type of self-gratification – spanning from full indulgence to full altruism> as we make all these choices.

And while we certainly can be impacted by others or ‘things out of our control’ … what remains in our control, always, is the untangled choice.

The choice to do what we may with the circumstances at hand.

The choice remains with us.

The time, the moment, demands one thing — to tangle or untangle.

My thought? Choose to untangle yourself. It will most likely make you better and simpler.

———————————–

Alvin Toffler thought:

Two apparently contrasting images of the future grip the popular imagination today. Most people to the extent that they bother to think about the future at all … assume the world they know will last indefinitely. They find it difficult to Imagine a truly different way of life for themselves, let alone a totally new civilization. Of course they recognize that things are changing. But they assume today’s changes will somehow pass them by and that nothing will shake the familiar economic framework and political structure. They confidently expect the future to continue the present.  This straight-line thinking comes in various packages. At one level it appears as an unexamined assumption lying behind the decisions of businessmen, teachers, parents, and politicians. At a more sophisticated level it comes dressed up hi statistics, computerized data, and forecasters jargon. 

Either way it adds up to a vision of a future world that is essentially “more of the same.”

—————————————————

———————-

“Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.”

===

John Green

—–

False hope may be one of the worst things in the world and nowhere do we abuse hope more than with the discussion of possibility, i.e., “there are infinite possibilities.”

Wow. What bullshit.

Go online and you will see a gazillion articles, posts and general bullshit ramblings unequivocally stating:

“You are a being, full of infinite possibilities!”

“You are born with infinite possibilities.”

I will point out that by saying all this bullshit we are screwing the whole damn concept of possibilities let alone fucking up the truth of possibilities itself.

Your future is not filled by infinite possibilities.

Shit.

Your present is not filled by infinite possibilities.

Now. To be fair. We may have more possibilities than we think we do at any given point in time, but they are certainly not infinite. In fact, possibilities — your own possibilities in any given time and situation — are quite finite. And finite in a variety of ways:

Time inevitably squeezes your possibilities quite often into an almost suffocating finite space.

Ability inevitably squeezes your possibilities quite often into a fairly pragmatic sphere of finite space.

Context, or the situation itself, squeezes your possibilities quite often into a less than infinite, or maybe better said “a variety of different sized infinities,” choice space.

We do possibilities a huge disservice by suggesting ‘infinite.’

Shit.

We do ourselves a huge disservice by suggesting ‘infinite possibilities.’

Simplistically possibilities would be much better served if we suggested the depth & breadth available within the finite space available to us rather than some nebulous infinity.

Why? Because while finite may sound constricting it actually can help us keep our head in the game that is being played in the here & now. And finite actually helps maybe 80% of the people <I made that % up> in that the majority of people just do not feel comfortable answering the ‘call of the void’ <the unknown and uncertain>.

Regardless. Let me discuss possibilities for a minute in the context of multiple sized infinities.

At any given time in your Life you are absolutely surrounded by possibilities. But possibilities do not always lie directly ahead of you or in the direction you face. Possibilities swirl around you in a multi-dimensional fashion.

Therefore, possibilities can reside in any direction.

Therefore, in order to see all possibilities you may not be able to rely solely on peripheral vision but to turn around and view in a 360degree fashion <and, yes, if you turn around I would note you are then looking forward just in a different direction>.

Therefore, progress can reside in any direction.

But this is not infinite. It just may feel like it is infinite simply because of the complexity associated with context and what your mind can realistically grasp.

Our minds can only stuff so much crap and stimulus in at any given time and anything over that capacity starts to edge into “infinity” frame of mind. And it is not. It is simply the shit that is beyond our current capacity. But, suffice it to say, if you remain committed to restless movement and possibly some strategic side to side steps, and even thoughtful steps back, it is all part of progress in pursuit of what is possible.

All that said.

We would be much better served if we admitted that not all infinities are same sized. I also believe we would be much better served to admit that possibilities are finite to any given individual.

—

Side note.

To be clear.

If you progress to a new and different time & space your existing range of possibilities will change <so you can certainly change what is possible for you>, but this simply means, thru environment context chnage, you have changed the finite scope of possibilities.

—-

Anyway. Here is why I loved the quote I opened with.

I love the idea of infiniteness. I love its expansiveness and I love it embracing of ‘hope for what could be’ and I love the fact it suggests possibilities. But I have always felt like suggesting possibilities being infinite as false. It had the unintended consequence of falsely suggesting that anyone could do anything at almost any time if they elected to do so. I felt like it had the unintended consequence of almost ‘freezing’ people into indecision in its vastness. It created such a vast sense of false hope that many people squandered the true possibilities within grasp.

And the quote suggests the best of all. You do have an infinite universe of possibilities circling and swirling you at any given moment, but not all infinities are created equal <basically suggesting there is a finiteness to many infinities>.

What an awesome thought.

Owning infinity and finite at exactly the same time.

And you know what? It actually reflects a Life truth.

You do have a shitload of possibilities swirling around you in a 360degree view of things.

And it may all appear overwhelmingly infinite in its pragmatic possibility view.

But that is just because, well, within your finite world and your finite choices and your finite ability to view & assess the choices you have, you have the ability to explore the infiniteness of who and what you are and who and what you could be.