who hurt you? (my expectations)
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Q: Who hurt you?
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A: My expectations
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“I’ve survived a lot of things, and I’ll probably survive this.”
—–
J.D. Salinger
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So.
Seek and you will find may be one of the most misleading sayings of all time.
<I say this with apologies to Matthew who said in the bible … “ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened” … in other words .. God can always be found, but must be sought out>
Except for faith, seeking doesn’t guarantee you will find shit. That is not to say there isn’t beauty in the seeking. Seeking is actually like a free ticket on a rollercoaster ride of thoughts. Every day you step onto the rollercoaster where it is an entirely new ride with an entirely new thrill with new heights and ups, downs, overs and unders. Whether you consider this a thrill or not <or simply ‘angst’> you also encounter the thrill of losing, finding, uncovering, discovering as well as expectations met and unmet. Yet, I would like to note, 99.999% of the time you survive the rollercoaster and get up the next day and get on again.
Seeking, in and of itself, can be maddeningly exhilarating and disappointing.
I have always believed you should not only surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and thinkers, but you should also surround yourself with dreams and doing and believing and thinking. But, as a seeker myself, suffice it to say, I have screwed myself over many more times than anyone else ever has or will <if I were to judge myself on the ‘find’ aspect>. I try and find some solace in the discovery scientific research suggests that seeking something actually more often translates into not finding.
Holy shit.That sucks.
This means the more we search for something, the more likely we are to NOT find it. No wonder ‘seek and you shall find’ is a bullshit piece of advice. This actually means seeking, in some form or fashion, may stand in the way of our discovering the truth <ponder that for a second>.
Why could that be? Well. Seeking has some goal in mind. Seeking has something it wants to find. But maybe most importantly … seeking is more often than not rooted in some expectations. And these expectations create some tensions which inevitably hurt you <although they are mostly survivable>. Life typically creates several bars of expectations we all have to navigate as we seek not only answers but being the best version of ourselves.
There are societal expectations. These are most usually absurdly high expectations of which few actually attain. And even if attainable are not attainable on any consistent basis. Therefore, even if you do attain it most likely is a brief glimpse of ‘meeting some absurd expectation which makes me feel fucking great if but only for a moment or two.’
There are personal expectations. Surprisingly these are actually more realistic expectations. Most of us know who and what we are and, in general, know what we are capable of. We set some expectations which are ‘high’ <because we all like to reach and grow and be better tomorrow than we are today> but they are not as absurdly high as the societal expectations. The good news? We attain these on occasion. And we feel pretty good about it <assuming we ignore the absurd societal expectations … and people permit us to ignore the societal expectations>.
There are, well, reality expectations. Reality is reality. Reality ignores what you wish and what you want and simply says “in this time & place this is what is attainable.” Basically reality doesn’t give a shit about what you want or how you set your expectations or even acknowledges any society bullshit … it just is what it is.
By the way we far too often ignore this last one.
Regardless. Expectations are a real sonuvabitch. But if you agree with what I just wrote they are a multi dimensional sonuvabitch. Trying to align these three things in your head is really difficult. Your brain ends up in a weird three way tug of war where truly the only thing that happens is it hurts.
Look.
I am a seeker. I seek information and knowledge and learning in an insatiable quest for more. And maybe because my greater expectation resides solely in ‘more’ I really am not hurt that often in any expectation game. What I mean by that is ‘see and you shall find’ implies … well … some destination … some specific ‘thing to be found.’ With ‘more’ as my destination … well … I have no specific destination.
Aw, shit, what a bunch of philosophical mumbo jumbo bullshit that looks like when I reread it.
Let’s just say expectations are a sonuvabitch. Period. Expectations most likely create more personal pain & angst than anything I can think of off the type of my head. That said. Expectations, most often, are survivable.
Aw shit, what do I know?
Well. Probably not much more tan what I have shared. But I would suggest that in the end your soul, the essence of your character and who and what you are, has the ability to see the subtle beautiful triumphs over expectations that the eyes often miss. So maybe close your eyes on occasion … maybe then you will see how what you simply saw as ‘survive’ was actually a triumph over expectations.
Please note … that is a good thing.
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“Edit your life frequently and ruthlessly.
It’s your masterpiece after all.”
Nathan W. Morris
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intentions, interesting people have contradictions, interesting stories, Interrupting our destructive habits, investing energy when appropriate, irrational components of behaviour that are critical for capitalism, is anything back or white anymore, is this all there is, is your best just mediocre, isn’t sustainable, isolating variables using statistics, it all matters, it can matter, it can matter what you do in a moment, it is mostly misguided hope, it is okay to dream, it is okay to fail, it isn’t process it is the work, its either play or get played, its okay to break the rules every once in awhile, I’ve survived a lot of things, judgement, judging failure needs context, judgment is not easy, juggling versus balancing, just this once, just you & I thing, keeping hope at hand, keeps the impossible in life in sight, kindness in words creates confidence, knowing what is right is not enough, knowing why, kodak, lack of alignment, lack of global elders, lack of responsibility, lack of self confidence, lacking hope, lazy decision making, leaders actions create culture, leaders and character, leaders are still and active, leaders have strength of character, leadership, leadership split, learn someone’s character, learn which creates some unlearning, learned early on in my career, learning, learning by unlearning, Leonardo da Vinci quote, Less potential for anarchy or chaos, less than perfect, less than zero, lesser pleasure, lessons, let go of something that gave pleasure in the past, let me start, Let me start to live, letting children go beyond us, letting go is difficult, letting go is not simple, let’s not over think, lies, life, life can be messy, life challenges, life changing event, life formulas, life gives you a bazillion second chances, life is a continued quest, Life is a grind, life is a string of minutes, life is a struggle, life is a winding road, life is about making choices, life is complex, life is not a mission, life is not a straight line, life is not as big as we make it out to be, life is not as simple as it seems, life is often not lived best gently, life is tough, life is tricky, life just seems bigger than it is, life lessons, Life make seeing difficult, life not defined by meeting objectives, life thoughts, Life truths, life’s white lies, limitless, listen more, listening, listening to choices, little failures versus big failures, live life to the fullest, living an enlightened life, living life backwards but still question, living life purposefully, logic & illogical, logical decision making, logical to one may be illogical to another, logical versus illogical, logical versus the illogical, look to the stars, looking for hope in strange places, loves a cage, lying to your friends, lying to yourself, made up of minute fractions, maintain autonomy, maintaining relevance globally, make choices, make good people be the best they could be, makes cages in all sizes and shapes, making changes personally, making choices, making the best choice you can, making the hard choice, making your own decisions, management, management by exception, managing people to be successful in life and business, managing perceptions, managing transitional moments, many good kids fail, marbles on a table, marketing, Maslow, maslow and decisions, match up their own experiences, matched intellectual friends, maybe close your eyes on occasion, maybe it is better to admit we failed at something, maybe life is not that complicated, measure up to scrutiny of nobility, measured against everyone else, measurement of failure, measuring generational attitudes, measuring generational behavior, measuring global education, measuring life, meeting the challenges of concentration, melancholy a thing is success, message is worth listening to, messaging, misguided hope, moments, moments are like a balance sheet, moments in daily life, moments in work life, moments of passion, moral fiber, more honest online, more than what you are today, most important events, most likely a lifetime job, Most people are not really free, most things in life are not black or white, most valuable thing was an active soul, mostly misguided hope, motivated by a desire to achieve, motivating consumers, motivation, moving beyond that which is, murphy and finagle, murphy’s law, muscle of discernment grows stronger, mutual respect in relationships, naïve point of view, naturally like cages as a society, need to see his duty until the end, needs for intimacy, net enabled education, next generation of thinkers, no clue what you want to do with your life, no one says you failed any more, no one wants to trust chaos, no substitute for judgment, no such thing as global idea, nobility in the moment, noble gestures, noble upwards, nobody’s life is perfect, nonsense cherished by the wisest men, not a quantity of words person, not achieving the big dream, not all moments are created equal, not everyone can give good advice, not hurt that often in any expectation game, not just follow in our footsteps, not let the world drag him down to its level, Not Life building cages, not many of us have time, not meeting an objective is not failure, not something we do just once or twice, not to learn but to be tested, nothing is original, Nothing tastes like flight, Nudging at exactly the right time, numbers are facts crap, numbers are facts nonsense, numbers can play a role, numbers show possibilities, numbers will confess anything, obeys the reality principle, objects & views & sensory things, obligation to do, obligation to do the right thing, observant, obvious solutions, obvious solutions are often the most difficult, Off with ambition and work, often determined by very trivial causes, old farts talking about social media, On with noble and purpose, once doubt enters it takes on huge proportions, once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, one can’t believe impossible things, one foot in history one foot in future, one of the most misleading sayings of all time, one step at a time, ones who have been fortunate enough to taste flight, ongoing search for the right words, only few find the way, only glimpse grind, Only those items which I notice shape my mind, open-ended questions, opportunity to truly leave your mark, ordinary life with extraordinary responsibilities, ordinary people don’t think they are remarkable, organizational behavior, organizational conformity, organizations are living orgamisms, organizing chaos, original ideas, original ideas are typically nuances of existing, our existence is challenged, our lives are defined by opportunities, our minds create, over think this whole questions and quest thing, overcoming ignorance, overs and unders, paradise is there if you look, partner, partnership, passive consumption and active consumption, pay close attention to life, pebble cast into a pond, pendulum, pendulum of trust and doubt, people confuse process and disciplined thinking, people have a story, people who give best advice, people who give best advice have been through the most, people with more wisdom. people who have experienced more, perfection is crap, perfection is the thief, performance, personal creative destruction, personal expectations, personal mental imprints based on experience, personal perspective, personal thoughts, perspective can help with the complex, pick past pleasure as the standard, playing it safe, please let me go, pleasure and desire are a natural guidance system, Pleasure is often contextual and situational, Pleasure moves on too early, pleasure postponed, pleasure postponed and diminished, Pleasure Principle, possibilities, possibility of future pleasure, potential and possible pleasure, power of words, powerful words, practice believing impossible things, Pragmatic with no limits, prayer for the wild at heart, predictions, predicts the pleasure people anticipate, prioritizing actions, prioritizing what is right or wrong, probably survive this, process is a means to an end, product of lucky foresight, productivity, products of our youth, project global generation, protecting children, protecting from predators, providing perspective, Purpose can be found in, Purpose can be found in everyday actions, purpose driven business, purpose to learn, purposeful fragmentation, pursuing the way, pushed & encouraged to be better than the person standing next to us, put failing in perpsective, quality versus quantity online, quarrier, quarrier becomes a duty, quarrier to seek, question is derived from the Latin quarrier, questioning the unquestionable, questions tend to often be asked, quests are often not linear or straight lines, quotations, quotes, randomness of life, rational behavior, rational people doing irrational things, reach for the stars, reaching toward it the possibilities, real mental debate, real researched psychological reasons, reality doesn’t give a shit, reality doesn’t give a shit about what you want, really seeing, Really seeing what you see, reason for being, reason to believe, regardless of what they did in the working world, relationships, relatively great in the scheme of things, relentlessly pursuing a dream, research, resilience, resiliency, resiliency and character, respect, respect for individual choice, responsibility, responsibility of actions, responsibility to children, responsible for survival instincts, restless consistency, right but wrong, right is right, right words, role of internet, rollercoaster ride of thoughts, root of quest, rules the world allows, running a business, running a busniness, safe, safe is not always the best, safe wins, say it is happening when it isn’t, say thanks and get a shrug, say that something is happening when it is, saying it is fine when it is not, saying the right words, scared, secrets to collect, see so many things, see within the circumstances, see your own reality, seeing, seeing and seeing, seeing the other side of choice, seeing unicorns, seeing what you see, seek and you shall find is a bullshit piece of advice, Seek and you will find, Seek and you will find may be, seek out events without fear, seek out the small to insure the big turns out right, seek to make someone speechless on occasion, seek truth, seeking doesn’t guarantee you will find shit, seeking happiness or purpose, Seeking has some goal in mind, seeking the way of truth, seemingly trivial moment, seemingly trivial triggers the big, selective attention, self actualization, self doubt, self esteem through problem solving, self reflection, self reflection on behavior, self truth, self worth, shades of gray, sharing experiences, shit that once gave us pleasure, shitload of pop psychologists, short term concentration capabilities, short term irrational behavior, shortcomings leading to consequences, showing some sort of value, significant amount of my generation, significantly better, simple gestures, simplicity in life, simplicity seems too chaotic, simplifying to make choices easier, simply enjoy the quest, simply illogical behavior cancelling out illogical behavior, six impossible things before breakfast, slippery slope, slippery slope of despair, slippery slope of I am not fine, slippery surface of irrelevant brilliance, slow down the moment, small effort impacts total effort, small gestires in trivial looking moments, small gestures in trivial looking moments, smallest actions contribute, so tired of being caged, so you can be better, social media is not antisocial, societal expectations, societally & culturally, soft choices, some emotional happiness & purpose, some experience worthy of note, some moments are more important than others, some moments deserve to be pulled out of trivial status, some people do not talk about themselves, some spectacular managers, something greater than oneself, something more important than fear, something to think about, sometimes extremely unpredictable and never ordinary, sometimes naïve point of view, sometimes systems work that should not work, sometimes the illogical occurs, sorting out the truth, source of our greatest pleasure, spasm of helpless agony, speak after listening, speaking, specialist, spiral of loneliness and despair, spirit of anarchy, stand for something within yourself, standing on the uncertainty pedestal, standing up every time we fall down, star gazing, statistical decision theory, statistics, statistics cannot make the decision for you, statistics getting in the way of a good decision, stay or go, stimulus reponse, stop and think, stop fooling ourselves into believing, Stop looking for happiness, Stop looking for happiness in the, stories, stories we will never tell, stories you want to hear, story they never want to tell, straight lines, straight lines are rare in life, strategy, strength against adversity, strength of character, strength of character to make change, strengthen your critical thinking skills, strengthens the mind for, stress, stress can short circuit what we know, stress situations are judgment moments, stressed kids, stressful decisions, stretch the bars of the cages, strip away the undoable and identify the doable, struggle between energy and indolence, struggle between vitality and decay, Stuff I Like, stumble upon doing it right, stunning grace in the face of overwhelming life, subconscious influences behavior, subconscious is really a place of super-fast data processing, subjective expected pleasure theory, Success resides in, suck at giving up anything that may have given pleasure, suck at giving up something that was good, surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, swallowing nonsense, symbolic dynamics, systems remain stagnant, take revenge on doubters, taking account of reality, talking, tangled ball of string, tangled up people, teaching, Teaching that purpose, teen despair, teens, tempered with moderation, that i was yesterday, that i will be tomorrow, That is courage and not confidence, that which could be, Thcourage and not confidence, the answers are within you, the believers and thinkers, the best advice is priceless, the creatures of the commonplace, the essence of your character and subtle beautiful triumphs, the essence of your character and who and what you are, the eyes often miss, the filter bubble, the global generation, the life stress test, the moment before the moment, the moments that words fail, the most powerful weapon in life is not a mission, the myth of original, the myth of the proprietary process, the noblest version of I, the numbers told me what to do, the odd moment of beauty where time is not the same, the organizational crack, The Pleasure Principle, the power of friends, the slaves of the ordinary, the small gesture in the trivial moment, the subconscious, the things we will sacrifice, the why behind what you do, the wild at heart, the wild at heart kept in cages, The Wire, the word failure is tough love, The word question, The word question is derived from the Latin quarrier, the work of a lifetime, the world always belongs to the next generation, the world bends everyone, the world is always changing, their heads and hearts, There are personal expectations, there is a version of grind, there is no formula for good choices, there you have been & there you will long to return, think about why you do something, thinking, thinking about what you do, thinking about why you do things, thinking impossible things, thinking is good, thinking too much, this i am today, this is the noblest of noble living, thoughts, thrive on dreams and possibilities, through the looking glass wisdom, time, time and choices, to be sure of you, to play with the deadly flowers, to slay a dragon you need to believe in dragons, told them they didn't understand life, torture numbers, torturing numbers, total pleasure and pain it will generate, tough being a teen, tough for dreamers these days, tough on dreamers, transactional branding, transformational people, trapped by fear, triumph over expectations, trivial and important events, trivial moments, trivial moments are more difficult, trivial moments in bigger life, trouble leaves too slow, true friend, trust, trust and doubt embodies people, Trust can be objective and subjective, Trust one side too much and it dulls, truth, truth and expectations, truth goggles, truth is rarely simple, truth is what really happened, truth or lies, truth or nothing, truth to oneself, trying to preserve will lead to stagnation, twitter triumph of humanity, ultimate salve to the agony one faces in Life, unanticipated answers, unanticipated answers to reveal themselves, uncertainty is a bitch, uncertainty takes on geometric proportions, unclear leader, uncovering, understand life, understanding what you do as an organization, unfocused leaders, unintended results, unlearn, unlearning stuff, unlocking the story, unquestionable, unrealistic expectations, unrealisticexpectations, unrelenting parent pressure, unshakeable, untangling people, until we meet again, ups, use your imagination, useful questions, usually entered inadvertently, vachss Burke books, vachss protecting children, version of grind I can only imagine, vibrantly alive in repose, viewing life with eyes wide open, vision, voices of a generation, wacky wisdom, waiting or living, walk in our footsteps, walking beyond our own footsteps, wandering with a direction in mind, want children to do better, want children to go beyond, wasted energy worrying, we all fail, we all have stories, We all want the grand gesture, we make choices, we miss seeing some really valuable things, we overlook the ability of great friends, we see depends mainly on what we look for, we should all listen a little more, We suck at this, we will soar, weighted by its duration, what do you do when you get what you want, what I know opinions, what is right and what is wrong, what is the alternative, what is the place of words, what looks like chaos, what we are seeking explanations, what we have is not what we need, what we need is impossible to get, what we need to get us through, what we want is not what we need, what you do with your time, what you simply saw as survive, whatever it takes, whatever it takes to cross that dark bridge, what’s the sense of our small effort, when people do not listen, where danger can look divine, who hurt you, who we are today, who we were yesterday, why we don’t really see things, why you do the things you do, wild hearts always seek to escape, will generate, William James is a quote machine, William James quote, with a little curiosity, with apologies to Matthew, woefully inadequate data, words, words reflecting experiences, words that become deeds, words worse than nothing unless they do something, work can be done with purpose, Work is called work and not pleasure or leisure, work is often up to people, work is work, work nevertheless, work of a lifetime, working in and of itself is not a purpose, working with purpose, world loves a cage, world sure does like cages, world waiting inside my cage, worry about implementing a great idea versus protecting it, yhprum’s law, you are not a failure because you fail, you cannot dwell on every moment that slipped by, you fail, you have to work to get these stories, you lived life doing stuff, you may gain something, you no longer receive pleasure from, you really want to unlearn, You see, You see but you do not observe, your masterpiece after all, your soul
Written by Bruce
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