Why I Like Mary Louise Parker (excerpt from Esquire)

If you have been reading things on my site since we started it you know that there has always been a consistent thread of music inspired writing. I love music. Therefore, when I can find a woman who I have always found attractive talking about music … well .. I figured it would be a nice opportunity for me to not have to write something and let someone else talk about some cool (and fun) music.

The woman? Mary Louise Parker. I have always kind of liked Mary Louise Parker. I loved her on West Wing. I love her in Weeds.

Anyway. I have not only found her attractive but always felt like she would be cool to know. Now I know she is cool. Here is what she wrote for Esquire:

(Mary Louise Parker): I WANT MY NEXT LOVER TO SPEAK LITTLE, IF ANY, ENGLISH. IT’S REALLY ONLY NECESSARY FOR TWO PEOPLE TO HAVE A FEW THINGS IN COMMON: SEX, FOOD, AND VACATION DESTINATIONS. I can envision getting by with a friendly hola as we pass each other on the veranda in the morning. It might be wonderful to stare blithely at him as he yammered away in Amharic or something; then I would have something concrete to point to when I didn’t understand anything he was saying.

Truthfully, I believe that much communication can happen through music. The right record can be a surrogate for conversation and more potent than a chemical aphrodisiac. “Music is a beautiful opiate,” wrote Henry Miller, and I concur. Some songs make me feel intoxicated from the first five notes, and when you feel light-headed and electric, it’s always better to be lying down, sharing it with someone else. If you are less than articulate, just putting on a song can make you a deputy to greatness. Maybe you couldn’t write “Tupelo Honey,” but you can play it and tell her that you wish you had written it for her. Your ardor will be reified in the form of melody, and she will dissolve if she likes you even a little.

Conversely, if the evening isn’t going well, just bust out the soundtrack from Annie.

If you need inspiration, here are some suggestions for when that special someone is on your couch, or for after you’ve graduated from the couch to the bed, or from said couch to up against the wall beside it, or to her place if you have only a futon. Hopefully, if you do end up at her place, she will put on Sade. Sade means only one thing, honey, so get to it.

1. “GONE, GONE, GONE,” BY CARL PERKINS: If your lady is big-boned, you may want to bury this one in the middle of a playlist, lest the lyric “I know my baby, she’s so round and fat” seem a pointed attack on her metabolism. It makes me want to crawl into the back of a truck and put my heels on the window.

2. THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY’S “I THINK I LOVE YOU” is actually quite dark and laced with a bit of rage. Don’t pretend you don’t know the words.

3. PRINCE’S “ADORE” is the hottest song ever. Maybe right for a little striptease. I’m just speculating.

4. “TO TURN YOU ON,” BY ROXY MUSIC: Just put on the whole record, Avalon, and if by the time you get to this track you ain’t havin’ sex, you ain’t gonna.

5. “GO ALL THE WAY,” BY THE RASPBERRIES: Go there. Finish off with the Rolling Stones’ “BEAST OF BURDEN.” I realize I’m cheating, but Esquire allotted me only 650 words.

6. RYAN ADAMS’S “COME PICK ME UP” makes me want to &%#$ the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker.

7. “AIN’T NOBODY,” BY CHAKA KHAN: In the best possible world, you will end up with a tiny bruise or two.

8. BACH’S CELLO SUITES, BY YO-YO MA: Light bondage and Cool Whip.

9. “REASONS,” BY EARTH, WIND & FIRE: Think Sweatin’ to the Oldies.

10. “GLORY BOX,” BY PORTISHEAD: Drinks spill and glasses break when you knock over the table in the White Horse Tavern as somebody climbs over it to get to somebody else. The establishment will ask you to leave.

11. “SWING GENTLY,” BY LEONA NAESS: If you are cool enough to put on this song, you don’t need to be reading this article.