The cult of youth cheats young and old alike.
Let’s reclaim adulthood.
A culture always looking backward, toward the joys of a vanishing youth, cheats everyone: depending on your age, the “best years” are either an increasingly distant memory, or they will be, all too soon.
In a culture that celebrates growing up, by contrast, everybody has them to look forward to – unless they’re already enjoying them.
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Oliver Burkeman
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Well. I am an unequivocal supporter of today’s young, youth and young adults. Yes. I believe our future is in good hands <assuming we older folk don’t fuck them, or it, up>.
I am also an unequivocal basher of today’s older generations particularly in business leadership. I believe our future is slower to come to fruition because of older people reluctant to let go of the past and ‘how it used to be done.’ That said. I am an unequivocal believer in the joys and passion and benefits of adulthood.
I think far too often the young look at adulthood, flippantly, as ‘my future sucking.”
I think far too often older people perpetuate this belief by vocally bitching about how ‘this sucks’ <and do and say some fairly absurd things to maintain some semblance of ‘youth’>.
While the responsibilities of adulthood can sometimes appear daunting <especially if you compare it to youth’s most basic responsibilities – go to school & don’t get thrown in jail>, I believe we should be celebrating adulthood – all of it <age, appearance, wisdom, etc>.
And it, frankly, is not that hard.
I could simply state “if I knew then what I know now” as the prime exhibit for how adulthood has shaped and improved that which we were in our youth … but I will suggest we think about adulthood more.
I sometimes believe we confuse the messy complexities of adulthood with only ‘bad.’
Complexity is not bad … it just is. It is a mix of good, bad, fun, sad, disappointments and successes.
Uhm. But complexity has a tendency to make anyone LOOK bad.
Therefore. What becomes slightly ridiculous in this whole discussion is that the young look at grownups as a group of ridiculous, ill-equipped for today’s world, stagnant & stale stubborn assholes … and the grownups feel the same way <except the asshole part>.
We feel that way, and appear that way, because adulthood is complex. It is a mishmash of individual responsibility, independence & personal choice change clashing with collective shared responsibility, dependence & system choice change. We seek simplicity therefore are constantly attacking adulthood Life with formulas to do and ‘ways to simplify our Life’ … and yet they are simply stopgaps to the onslaught of a complex life. And all the time we are seeking ways to simplify … we adults continue scoffing at the young … uhm … yet emulating the young <trying to recapture some nebulous thing we believe we have lost>.
We look silly <we adults>.
We look silly not admitting life is complex and in its complexity, while harrowing at times, it is a joy of multiple experiences and a series of blood pumping moments.
We look even sillier trying to reach back to youth and, well, everything associated with youth.
Yes. I believe that. And I thought about that as I scanned an article about “Why Grow Up? Subversive Thoughts for an Infantile Age” by Susan Neiman. She makes the case that our youth-fixated society is a symptom of something worth worrying about: we’ve defined growing up as nothing but a question of decline.
“Being grown-up is widely considered to be a matter of renouncing your hopes and dreams, accepting the limits of the reality you are given, and resigning yourself to a life that will be less adventurous, worthwhile and significant than you had supposed when you began it.”
Whew. Resigning yourself to a life … anything that begins with those words sends a shiver down my spine. What do I believe? Do not go gently into the good night … those are the words adulthood should embrace.
And, yet, it seems like we <we actually being adults> have created a world in which growing up is something nobody would choose if given a choice.
We suggest the best years of your life are with the young.
We suggest that dreams are for the young.
We suggest impossibility is possible with the young.
We suggest ‘your whole life is ahead of you’ to the young.
Shit.
Who wouldn’t choose being young if we offered all that?
Aw. What crap. That’s just bullshit. Adulthood & getting older is awesome if you can get your head out of your ass.
Life isn’t about the innocence of childhood and ‘dreams of what could be’ it is about doing, experiencing and getting the most out of what is presented to you.
Life is about ‘not going gently’ and it is certainly NOT about looking backwards.
Life is about … well … control … personal control over personal choices and personal destiny <or fate>. We need to remember youth was maybe a 20/80 experience. 20% personal choice and individuality and 80% of Life dictated or controlled. Adulthood is the reverse … 80% personal choice and individuality and making decisions with regard to your own destiny while 20% of Life around you is constructing obstacles to what you want.
That said. Adults today have some wacky perspectives on adulthood.
They demand respect. They demand opportunity. They demand money. They demand fairness <yet demand ‘what I deserve’ at exactly the same time>. They demand perfection.
And if they don’t get what they demand?
They get angry.
Far too many older adults are too busy being angry to understand that adulthood is great. Many adults get so angry they refuse to grow up seeking solace in the trappings of youth <ironically revisiting a time in Life when “I was angry at older people”>.
We are simply exchanging today’s anger for the simplicity of the anger we had in youth.
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“Refusing to grow up may be a form of rebellion. But really growing up could be a revolution.”
Susan Neiman
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This is crazy.
Fucking crazy.
Where the hell did we get the idea that youth is the best time of our life?
What the hell was so great about youth that we have decided to idealize youth?
For some reason we have decided that adulthood means you need to renounce hoping for something better … and dreaming or pursuing dreams.
For some reason we have decided that accepting the limits of your current reality is a given … you need to be resigned to it <it cannot be changed>.
For some reason, because of those things I just stated, we have accepted so many ‘less than’ thoughts associated with adulthood that we just look … well … sad and pathetic.
Geez. Why would any young person aspire to that?
<they wouldn’t>
Why would any adult embrace an adulthood that looks like that?
<they wouldn’t>
Adulthood doesn’t mean you are finished growing up.
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“ It is not fair to treat people as if they are finished beings. Everyone is always becoming and unbecoming.”
Kathleen Winter
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For some reason we seem to think adulthood means you have to stop being a work in progress and instead ‘stop moving around and stick with something and be the best you can be.’
Why does one have to be exclusive of the other?
<they don’t>
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“For in every adult there dwells the child that was, and in every child there lies the adult that will be.”
John Connolly
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Being an adult & adulthood is all about becoming someone and something … and unbecoming someone and something. We are constantly developing and undeveloping and we continue to survive the missteps and step backs and figure out where & how to excel with momentary glimpses of what ‘could be’ … and that is what adulthood is all about.
That is the model of adulthood which we should be providing youth so that we can take back the greatness of adulthood and stop thinking youth is so great.
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“Don’t you find it odd that when you’re a kid, everyone, all the world, encourages you to follow your dreams. But when you’re older, somehow they act offended if you even try.”
Ethan Hawke
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I find it odd adults discard the great aspects of adulthood and gladly embrace the not-so-great aspects of adulthood.
I find it odd adults confuse consistency with stagnancy in how they live their lives.
I find it odd adults enjoy looking backwards more than looking forward.
I find it odd because while I love today’s youth … I love adulthood.
Simply.
Adulthood is much much better than okay. It is much better because while some call it the burden of responsibility I call it the freedom to enable my own destiny.
You do with your destiny what you want … you can get angry if it doesn’t happen the way you want but suffice it to say … adulthood is great because it is YOUR time to make it happen. And I wish adults would reclaim adulthood and let the youth have their youth.