==

“Those who know that they are profound strive for clarity. Those who would like to seem profound to the crowd strive for obscurity. For the crowd believes that if it cannot see to the bottom of something it must be profound. It is so timid and dislikes going into the water.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

==

“there’s no clarity.
there was never meant to be clarity.”
Charles Bukowski

==

You would think it would be fairly easy to figure out what is important but beyond some massive generalizations – family, time, survival, etc. – discerning what is important and what is not in the onslaught of scraps of information thrown at us is difficult.

I thought of this as winter looms. Just as Death breaks things down to the bare essence, winter does the same. And maybe that is the connection. When things are at their barest, when we are drawn closer to endings rather than beginnings, we inevitably ponder the not only what is important but also possibilities. And in an increasingly technology embedded world clarity – the traction for sensemaking, decision making, progress – seems even more elusive.

I would argue that clarity in a data/AI/technology driven world will come down to human conversations. Words & dialogue. I say this because if we seek to committing to discovering what is important, and making sense of shit, that commitments have structure: request, negotiation, agreement, explanations. All those things are actions we must have with the somewhat overwhelming world in which we live. They are dependent upon clarity, trust, transparency, and people will still depend on speech for effective communication to gain those things.

As we all know, good ideas don’t sell themselves. They need to be herded thru a gauntlet of doubters, skeptics and “change is bad” obstacles. It isn’t easy. I would suggest nothing truly good in Life comes easy. My point here is that clarity does not sell itself. If you want to offer clarity you need to make your ideas strong and relevant to your audience. I would be remiss if I didn’t point out clarity trumps beauty of speech. If you seek clarity, the important stuff does not sell itself. Usually, it is buried behind a bunch of unimportant stuff trying to sell itself. Within that sentence/thought lurks the greater challenge, danger, in the onslaught of lack of clarity – doubt.

==

“Disinformation isn’t designed to make you believe something false but convincing; it is designed to make you doubt everything true and demonstrable; to make the very existence of unimpeachable facts null and void”

==

Doubt kills clarity. If you doubt everything, you will never truly find clarity.

With that said, I sometimes wish everyone would take a basic research class and get a grip on the basics of something like conjoint versus discrete research.

Conjoint experiments are where attributes are left to vary freely to create all sorts of product concepts/ideas that may or may not necessarily be represented in the marketplace. In other words, in a conjoint you assess fragments and assemble them into a clarifying thought. The issue here is that sometimes your clarity is not exactly what exists. This is neither good nor bad, just are challenges depending on the context.

On the other hand, a discrete choice experiment is actually aimed to more closely align with actual product definitions in the marketplace where there are some fixed alternatives. Some people like this because it feels more realistic, pragmatic, and clarity is a bit easier to grasp. The issue here is that the answers will almost always simply be a derivative of what exists therefore limiting views of possibilities. This is neither good nor bad, just are challenges depending on the context.

To end that thought I believe the world needs people who are good at both or at thinking just one of these ways. I believe that because as we think there will be some pragmatism and possibilities lurking within the dialogue.

Regardless. All of this means to those of us who love facts, believe in facts, we need to get better at not shouting, but rather articulating truth which is typically a combination of those facts. We can’t just laugh at ‘facts don’t matter’ people, but get angry & fight back smartly, insightfully &, well, artfully. We fact people just need to be better at showcasing lily pads of clarity so that people can become a bit more effective at sensemaking which, ultimately, assists people in choicemaking. I will say, to be fair to everyone, finding clarity in today’s world is almost a job. But if we truly seek to find out what is important, we will most likely have to put in the work. All of us.

“The constancy of the internal environment is the condition for a free and independent life.”

Claude Bernard

===

“I think if human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween. Wouldn’t life be more interesting that way? And now that I think about it, why the heck don’t they? Who made the rule that everybody has to dress like sheep 364 days of the year? Think of all the people you’d meet if they were in costume every day. People would be so much easier to talk to – like talking to dogs.”

Douglas Coupland

===

Halloween. Sometimes I sit back and ponder how adults have destroyed one of the simple joys in childhood – Halloween. I absolutely understand that sugar is bad, and there are some trappings of Halloween that can be misguided, but adults have put their fingerprints of silly fear and overthinking on one of the simplest things – children dressing up as a joy of expression, walking around neighborhoods receiving gifts from people they don’t know and wandering through a celebration of personal expression home-by-home. Seriously, you cannot be a human and not smile as Wonderwomen, fairies, Spiderman, Mulan, pirates, etc wander by your house.

Halloween reminds me that sometimes we adults, in the attempt to constantly teach our children lessons, forget that sometimes the best lessons are the ones when we leave the simple joy unfettered.

This means Halloween isn’t anti christian.

It isn’t about the worship or glorification of witchcraft.

It even isn’t about greed and how much “booty” you can get walking from house to house.

It is the joy of dressing your house up with pumpkins and fake spider webs and “boo” stickers in the house windows and multiple bats on stakes carefully arranged in the front lawn.

It is how a 13 year old girl stops being a moody tween and being with her mom side by side carefully crafting the perfectly designed front porch for everyone to see and experience when they trick or treat.

It is the little boy and his dad carefully building the skeleton’s grave in the front yard with its ball and chain and his own pirate hat he lends the skeleton just for the occasion.

It is the full house display, built 3 weeks before Halloween night, and constantly changing as the children add or subtract things as they think of it.

It is the motion activated creepy music dangling spider that the wind makes play in the morning as the girls run out to the school bus <and they laugh>.

Yup. Halloween is simply an event where, if we adults permit it, we get an unfettered view of the simple joy of childhood.

I know I am guilty of over thinking on occasion. And I do believe we adults are often over sensitive to lessons and political correctness and insuring our children “understand” things and, on a parallel destructive path, using Halloween to put fear into other adults’ minds (which we can assume they pass along to their children) for some political reason.

Sometimes it’s nice to let children be children and let them enjoy the simplicity of childhood.

Halloween continues to be filled with fun; walking in the chill of autumn wearing costumes which permits an uninhibited make-believe night be a ‘real dressed up’ night, and, of course, the semi-hedonistic joy of the full sack of candy. If we permit it, once a year, Halloween invites us to reenter the world of a simple childhood. Some may choose to view Halloween with some sinister connotations but to most of us it is simply a time of fun dressing up with friends and laughter.

Enjoy Halloween for exactly what it is … the pure and simple joy of childhood.

===

“The farther we’ve gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we’ve come to need Halloween.”
Paula Curan

—–

“People aren’t always what you want them to be.
Sometimes they disappoint you or let you down, but you have to give them a chance first.

You can’t just meet someone and expect them to be everything you’re looking for and then be angry when they’re not every hope and aspiration you projected onto them.

It’s foolish to believe that someone will be what you imagine them to be. And sometimes, when you give them a chance, they turn out to be better than you imagined.

Different, but better. “

Chloe Rattray

—–

Well. This is about expectations and how having expectations is bad <disappointing> and good <people like to strive toward expectations>.

No matter how cynical you are, or skeptical with regard to whether there is truly ‘good within all’, pretty much everyone expects everyone else to be the best version of who they can be.
The trouble is that our version of your ‘best version’ is … well … ours. Unfortunately, this “ours/you” expectation tends to be a pretty high standard for which the person we are eying at the moment has to meet.

We tend to not only expect people to be ‘like us’ in the ways we consider positive attributes, but then we also attached a wish list of expectations <based on some fairly idealistic thoughts of how people should be .. and how we see ourselves>.

Well. That brings to mind a Marilyn Manson quote:

—-

“Find out what’s really out there.

I never said to be like me, I say be like you and make a difference.

Marilyn Manson

—-

People are rarely what we expect them to be and they are rarely like us. And, frankly, we don’t want them to be like us, we want them to be like, well, themselves. But this creates the uncomfortable situation in that we then have no clue what to expect.

So what do we do? We fall back on ‘us’ <our bias & attitudes & beliefs> and build our expectations.

This is, frankly, silly if not stupid. We should focus instead on ‘different, but better.’

Me? Over the years I have become significantly better at setting aside expectations of people and permitting them to build what I should expect of them. Even then I have to constantly remind myself that people are less consistent than what I would like <to expect>.

I guess I believe people can change. I say guess because I think we are a little flippant with that thought. Flippant because I think we are more hopeful than reality suggests. Most people really don’t change that much. They may evolve as they grow, but people tend to be the people they were <just maybe a little more here and a little less there>. To be clear, evolving involves some iterative change usually driven by new experiences.

And that’s okay.

Now. There is the inconsistency factor. Inconsistency is good in this case albeit confusing to others and makes it difficult to discern ‘what to expect.’

But.

Everyone is inconsistent because Life is inherently inconsistent and therefore we make mistakes. That’s kind of the way it is. If everything was always consistent, the odds of us making as many mistakes as we do now would decrease significantly.

Unfortunately everything is not consistent <except in its inconsistency> and therefore, unfortunately, we make a shitload of mistakes.

Oh. And mistakes shape expectations as much as successes do.

Now. This means also means how you handle the mistakes matter in terms of setting expectations for people. If you own up to them, adapt, make some adjustments and move on … well … the mistakes don’t accumulate like a snowball but instead remain individual flakes you meet as you progress and are manageable in their smallness. Frankly, anything less ‘owning up’ is counterproductive, self-serving and carries a hue of non-accountability. I will also note that under the glare of circumstances ‘beyond our control’ <let’s call that Life’s shit> it is certainly aggravating, and sometimes even a little unnerving, when people don’t own up to their mistakes and we waste time & energy flailing about seeking blame.

Regardless. People aren’t always what we expect.

And, oddly, we get disappointed even if they are actually just a different version of what we said we wanted <expected> and THAT may be a better version <but we are so disappointed we didn’t see it>.

Oh. Another thing about having expectations.

There is a really nonsensical thought that is strewn throughout the World Wide Web with regard to ‘have no expectations and you live in the now” … or “have no expectations and you won’t be disappointed.”

What bullshit.

Utter nonsense.

Regardless of the fact our expectations are sometimes misguided and that we far too often judge people on some really out of whack expectations, expectations are part of Life.

They set standards.

When we expect nothing from anyone while we may save ourselves from being disappointed, it comes with a cost. With lower expectations we make less of an effort. We have convinced ourselves that fighting for things that are pretty important in life are no longer worth fighting for as a standard. And while some of our expectations are unrealistic the horizon aspect should almost always “best version of.”

Well.

That is a good expectation. And if you have it, or them, others around you tend to see them, feel them … and absorb some of the pressure to meet them.

Yes. It has been proven over & over again <research> people do better when more is expected of them. I am fairly sure this cause-effect is called the Pygmalion Effect. Study results have shown some consistently significant ‘better’ associated with this effect.

A guy named J. Sterling Livingston is the one who wrote in 1969 about the Pygmalion Effect <named after the mythical sculptor who carves a statue of a woman that is brought to life>.

His title also pays homage to George Bernard Shaw, whose play Pygmalion explores the notion that the way one person treats another can, for better or worse, be transforming.

The influence of one person’s expectations on another’s behavior isn’t a recent discovery. More than half a century ago, Albert Moll concluded from clinical experience that subjects behaved as they believed they were expected to – “the prophecy causes its own fulfillment”. Livingston stated that creating these positive expectations is remarkably difficult, but I would argue setting ANY expectations is difficult, but, we should do so.

Expectations challenge the status quo; even if the status quo is good & right.

That’s okay too. Affirmation is often as powerful as change. Accepting the status quo and not making any effort to push ourselves and those we care about to become better is almost like giving up hope for anything better.

Now. Expectations must always pass the test of reality before they can be translated into any real outcomes. Expectations must have more gravitas than the fluffy power of positive thinking or some generalized confidence that ‘it can & will happen.’ People are not motivated to reach for unattainable shit — they need to have some sense of realistic and achievable. Suffice it to say encouraging one to strive for unattainable goals is simply encouraging the eventuality of ‘give up trying’ and ‘settling for results that are lower than they are capable of achieving’.

Regardless. We need to and should have some pretty high expectations of people. All people. And while I know it seems counter intuitive to suggest that we should idealize what people can be, okay, some people, with regard to expectations because it would most likely means a shitload of disappointment.

But, I remain steadfast in believing we SHOULD have expectations and we SHOULD set the standards high.

Research shows that while we will be disappointed initially the people themselves will be more likely to step up to meet some of the idealized expectations.

Our expectations can drive ‘better.’

The cost? We bear the cost in that we get disappointed. Shit. I will pay that price. It would be selfish to think otherwise.

People will disappoint us with regard to our own expectations.

People will more often surprise us if we are open to a different better version of our expectations.

But all of that is kind of irrelevant. It doesn’t matter how you feel … get over it … it is the objective that matters. Steven Covey said it the best:

===

“Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is.

Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.”

Stephen R. Covey

===

Yes. It is foolish to believe someone will be as you imagine they will be.

But go ahead.

Have expectations.

Be prepared to be disappointed and, more often, surprised by something different and better. Ponder.

“A lie can fly halfway around the world before the truth can get its pants on.”

Winston Churchill

I am sure we have all heard versions of this quote before.

And chuckle.

But have you ever wondered why we actually take this kind of sad and sobering thought at face value – kind of as an, uhm, truth? Is it because the world has become overwhelmingly cynical and simply live in a  constant state of belief that everyone lies and it sucks?

What a sad, sobering, thought. But is it really true?

I imagine many of us would think about this and a part of us, maybe even a large part of us, agrees.

We believe somewhere inside us that all people lie.

And what may be worse?

Even when we hear ‘the truth’? We doubt.

And even more worse? The more emphatic someone states their belief in the truth; the more we disbelieve.

It’s kind of crazy if you think about it.

It seems often the “absolute truth” leads to some confusion on our part.

Confused on ‘how can they be so sure’?

And the conclusion of confusion is “someone has lied.”

What a downward spiral we have encountered in discussing truth.

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you. “

Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I tend to think all of us a re a bit cynical of people who are too assured in their beliefs, or a belief, but regardless, truth is tricky.

It is not absolute. The beauty in truth is that it creates boundaries. Or maybe more playfully it creates fences which, within, you can find comfort to play with others and be free to say and do some things without thought (let’s call that default thinking) and do some things by challenging some of the truth assumptions.

All of what I just wrote assumes we discuss ‘truth’ because within those boundaries are some shades of gray.

Truth is complex because most truth is combinatorial.

There is one simple ugly enemy to truth because of the shades of gay and the combinatorial characteristics.

The ugly enemy is doubt.

It is because of doubt in truth that a lie can sweep its way around the world while good ole truth is stuck behind dealing with doubt.

A lie is unhindered by the burden of proof. It flies free of such weight.

While truth carries the burden of debate, discussion and understanding.

Now. Let’s be clear. Debate is good. It clarifies. It communicates. It clears the mind of clutter.

But, oddly, nowadays truth’s slowness (in debate and discussion) only enhances an implication of ‘non-true’ and slows down even more with the weight of added burden.

Do we ever wonder why truth takes eons to get around the world while a lie circles endlessly?

Not when you think about it this way.

Sadly, if I am actually right about something for once, I guess the way you can tell a lie from a truth now is that the first is always the lie and the last is always the truth.

In the end the turtle wins I guess. Ponder. This feels important.

“It’s not what you actually do in life that you regret just the opportunities that pass you by. It’s even in what you choose to do the opportunities you do not let pass by. In those moments it is sometimes only that you are not courageous or brave, but rather you have simply exchanged one fear for another. Afraid for what we were about to do and how you will do versus the fear of what we might not do.”

Craig Johnson

==

“Forgiven doesn’t mean no regret. We will always regret the wrongs we have done. It just means you aren’t punishing yourself for it.”

==

No regrets’ is a great, if not silly or impossible, concept, but I imagine it is a better slogan than say “manage regrets” or even “situational no regrets” or even “living a less regretful life.”

Regardless of the inspirational slogan and attitude suffice it to say we all have regrets. Sorry. That’s life.

The only way you could have no regrets is if

• (a) you are always a sappy bag of shit sharing your feelings even when you haven’t been drinking

• (b) you always make the ‘right’ decision all the time <i.e., you are never wrong>, or

• (c) you are lying.

Anyway. I really believe it comes down to a combination of “managing regrets” and/or “managing a regret moment” and probably a significant portion of these disappointments will be made up of decisions made or not made (and things said or not said).

As much as I wish these things didn’t happen; they do. They are painful <on a wide spectrum of paper cut pain to standing on hot coals barefoot in the doorway to hell pain>. And I imagine at some point you come to realize that each moment prepares you how to deal with disappointment, regrets and regretful decisions. Ok. How about this. You better understand expecting a life without any disappointments is going to be, well, disappointing.

All that said.

I do believe there are “no regret moments” as in moments in which you have to actively participate in the moment and ‘will I regret this’ is very top of mind. These are moments where your life, career or personal, is at a crossroad. Typically, let’s say 90%+, you have to do something.  Here is where choice comes into play (hence the regret portion). You can go for it, throw caution to the wind, go with your gut or just put yourself (mentally, image wise or even physically) in that moment, or, do nothing. Pick your poison; you are invested. And because of that personal investment those type of moment’s regrets can be fairly tenacious. The regret may be something as simple as “what the fuck was I thinking?” (In technical terms that could also be called “the benefit of hindsight”), but there is still some regret.

Anyway. In my eyes, regrets are actually a good measure of your life and assessing the type of life you wanted to live and who you wanted to be as a person.

A large percentage of our life as workers, parents, managers and whatevers is pretty routine.  That means it is fairly common for most of us to fall into a routine. If we don’t nudge ourselves out of this routine, it runs the risk of becoming complacency. The nudging moments are often fertile ground for regrets. Hence the measurement of life. But even within routine there are subtle crossroads that you can attempt to ignore, but at some point in the future you will find yourself somewhere, wonder ‘how the hell did I get here’ and, reflecting, see the crossroad moment.

Look. I am not going to suggest everyone should have a boatload of regret moments to look back upon. Everyone is different. Some people prosper in routine and a well defined life. Some people prosper with change. All I suggest is you figure out what type of life you prosper best in and then assess because one thing I can guarantee, regardless of type of life, you will have regret moments. They are inevitable.

In the end.

I do believe putting yourself into challenging, and sometimes difficult, situations will help you learn more about who you are as a person. And while I would like to tell everyone how to do it … I cannot.

There is no formula. Everyone can make their life be meaningful, it just may be different for you then it will be for me, hence, an easy regret to avoid down the road is judging yourself based on someone else’s criteria.

With that thought let me share this thought from Jacob Burckhardt (1943, Reflections in History).

“… in our own affairs, our judgment may change radically with age and experience. Not until the last hour of our lives can we pronounce a final judgment on the men and things we have known, and that judgment may be totally different according to whether we die in our 40^th or 80^th year. It has, moreover, no objective validity but only a subjective validity for ourselves. This is the common experience of any man whose youthful desires appear to him folly in later life.”

Well. How about that. While we will all have regrets … remember … they only have subjective validity to ourselves. Ponder.

“I am change; and change is I.”

Sometimes you adapt to events.

Sometimes you adapt to circumstances.

Sometimes you adapt to improve.

Sometimes you adapt because the world has changed.

But you always have to adapt, or you don’t survive.

How do you know if you actually adapt?

Well.

You have a 100% survival rate up until this point.

And, once you acknowledge that, it behooves you to take a moment or two and reflect on how you adapted. It is within these moments in which you will most likely learn more about yourself than at any other time.

Ponder.

===

“Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)”
Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

===

“We are many, many people and yet we are one. What we do today with our thinking, what we do tomorrow with our thoughts, what we do with our actions and our interactions with people determines the course of the universe itself. You are not powerless. You are not without power.”

Little Crow

===

Suffice it to say, 24/7 technology has challenged most of what we thought about our self-identity. In the good old days self identity was a bit easier because we had a fairly limited exposure, neighborhood/school/work/community, to images and shared experiences which led to shaping what we saw as “self”. In today’s world we are faced with an onslaught of information which we are, frankly, incapable of assimilating within our cognitive scope. And while many people discuss this in terms of stress, knowledge, decision making, today I discuss it in terms of self identity.

It was actually Toffler, in The Third Wave, who warned us of some of the self-identity challenges in a small section called “warehouse of images.” He described being connected to the

worldwide web would be an information bomb exploding in our midst showering us with a shrapnel of images and drastically changing the way each of us perceives and acts upon our private world and, ultimately, what we view as ‘self.’ The outcome of that was a transformation of our psyches and identities. This transformation naturally occurs as each of us mentally creates a model of reality through this ever increasing warehouse of images. To be clear. Some of what we are calling “images” are visual, others are auditory and some even tactile. All of which craft some precepts crafted from some somewhat-tenuous traces to “our environment” (note: technology can suggest an environment which isn’t really practically what our true environment is, i.e., if I live in Cherkassy Ukraine I don’t really share much of the environment found in Ibiza Instagram). But all of this, practical or not, creates linkages that define relationships with our own self identity. Some are simple, others are complex, some even conceptual, but together these images add up to our picture of the world and allow us to locate our self identity in times, spaces and the network of connections around us.

Which leads me to make a point about now versus then.

These images do not spring from nowhere. They are formed out of the signals or information we interact with from our environment, neighborhood, jobs, homes, churches, schools and even politics. What mass media did was create some standard parts of a universal image file. This centrally produced imagery helps produce the standardization of behavior and ‘identity’ which permitted many of us to choose between ‘standard’ and ‘non-standard’ (or something in between). Technology drastically altered all of this. Standard was no longer standard and non-standard almost doesn’t exist. There is a lack of clarity with regard to cultural identity and because we have lost that grander narrative everything falls down to ‘individual choice’ which sounds good; but truly only increases stress. So as we are bombarded with an accelerated amount of images, it forces a parallel acceleration of change and doubt as we create and recreate in an attempt to sync up to an everchanging onslaught of context. New information reaches us and we are forced to revise our image file continuously at a faster and faster rate. Older images based on past reality must be replaced unless we update them our actions become divorced from reality. We not only find it impossible to cope with assimilating all the new images but also it challenges us to understand our own identity because we struggle to put our identity in a static context. In other words, we are constantly facing a self-identity crisis simply by existing in this environment.

Which leads me to make a point about ‘standardized view of identity.’

The distinguishing feature of conformity is that it is in implicit and it feels voluntary. No one tells us what to do or choose and no one offers a legitimate or formal reason to do so. Because of that, just as we prefer to spend time with people like ourselves, we like to fit in and our ‘identity’ arcs to some normative/median identity. And when we find that we don’t fit in, we can change or not. Conforming is the choice, sometimes conscious sometimes not, to change ourselves. Most conformity is familiarity and familiarity does not breed contempt. It breeds comfort. I say this not to suggest self-identity is about being like everyone else, but rather to suggest today’s 24/7 technology doesn’t really offer us a ‘median identity.’ Something to measure our identity on an I, We, World view. Its one big swirling moshpit of identity fragments so even if you wanted to be ‘normal’ you may not really be sure what normal is.

Which leads me to identity within a moshpit world.

Knowing the hard limits to our cognitive capacity and the huge cost of working long meaningless hours to ‘fit into a 24/7 world’ should not be an intractable problem to address. We have gobs of data and information showing the disastrous consequences on the individual. Despite that people continue to ignore the cognitive truths and believe they can somehow stretch the cognitive limits of their minds. This all has consequences for our self-identity. The ubiquitous world of technology allows us to connect with more people more ideas more information than ever before. All beyond the limits of our cognitive capacity which traps us in this horrible doom loop of where does our self begin and where does it end. Hanzi Freinacht is the one who suggests the idea of transvidualism where the self actually contains part of the whole which while most likely true only leads us to even more anxiety-driven questions: what does the self hold on to? Who are you? Is your reality yourself? is your identity ever just one thing but in constant motion and morphing with each interaction? I would be remiss if I didn’t point out all these questions suggest opportunities to accept our self-limitations and purposefully seek out, within the collective, ways to be part of things that are bigger than ourselves without losing are self-identity. To be sure, it is always easier to envision the negative scenarios within what I’m saying, but I believe the way of navigating the moshpit is to instead imagine the positive ways in which technology might help us create, shape and control our own identities and our own potential. We should be imagining the positive ways which this technology world allows us to apply a ‘new me’ within changing contexts and molding ourself to a changing world WHILE holding onto the center of who and what we are. It is possible the technology world will not only be able to better show us who we are, but also visions of who we want to be and who we could be.

“Be true to thineself.”

Shakespeare

—

We could use technology to help us understand why things are as they are as well as envision ways of what we could do with our lives. But here’s the deal. The struggle ultimately resides in ‘self.’ What I mean by that is ‘the core or the center of who and what we are.’ We all strive after something which we deem good or better sort of our personal version of progress. But if we are not careful this becomes good for the self and not the greater good as in not taking into consideration the larger whole. So, unless we as individuals sort out our center, our urges, impulses, and desires in a coordinated way we are doomed to constant confusion living in a contradictory identity state. This could quite possibly be self-destructive in a technological world which is constantly trying to attack us within its own coordinated, orderly system of ideas of what it thinks we should be and who we should be. To be clear.

“Turning and turning in the widening gyre

The falcon cannot hear the falconer;

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world”

Yeats

Even if you do not think about your centre, I can guarantee it will never be empty in a 24/7 technological world in which everything is connected the outside world because it will connect with whatever you leave empty and fill it with what it wants.

** note: even if you ‘cut-yourself-off’ from 24/7 technology on occasion, this is a battle you cannot avoid. Technology is ubiquitous. Take care of your center or technology will take care of it for you.

Everything I am discussing falls within a technological world which has all the appearances of structureless; as in chaos. But its not. Any group of people, of whatever nature, that comes together for any length of time for any purpose will inevitably structure itself in some fashion. The structure may be flexible; it may vary over time, but it will be formed regardless of the abilities, personalities, or intentions of the people involved. Certainly the looseness and informality of the construct encourages participation in discussion and its often-supportive atmosphere, but always connective, elicits some personal insight. It within this that our identities are shaped and formed. Structureless gains structure then gains identity, a ‘personalized’ identity despite any pre-identified ‘centralized purpose’ suggesting what it should be. This last point is significant because this group identity shaping can either be of the people, or of the technology/algorithms. The latter happens more often than we would like to believe.

If a self-identity seeks to grow and thrive as it itself, it will often have to disabuse itself of some of the prejudices of the organization and structure of the things it attaches itself to. To be clear. There is no such thing as a laissez faire group in the internet, it is simply a smokescreen for either technology manipulation or someone seeking power.

Where we go from here.

Hanzi Freinacht said “the new game of life looks a lot like this: whoever has mastered the most perspectives when she dies, wins.” That’s the self-identity game. It used to be a more simplistic “what I believe represents what I am” but with today’s technology world who I am, if you seek to have a center that holds within multiple contexts, is an accumulation of perspectives. If the industrial age encouraged a standardization of identity, technology is ripping us apart. Overcome by details and information we have become almost incapable of conceptualizing anything – including our own identity. Consequently, we have begun crafting the details of who we want to be seen as to compete in a world in which other’s identities flash before us detail by detail. Detail by detail we push out into the world and before you know it you are no longer a self – as a solid concept – but rather a bunch of details and pieces you think have some value. And this is where stories come in. Thinking conceptually may be too much of a mind bender, but having a story, or stories, is not as tough. Good stories and well-maintained identities embracing stories endure. This is actually part of the Third Wave Toffler mentioned. 2^nd Wave media tightly reinforced, within stable distribution structures (major TV networks & major papers/magazines) shared world views and some semblance of common sensemaking within which an identity could comfortably reside (or, conversely, create a counter culture identity). In today’s environment worlds are created through our digital connection points, perspectives are gained through many interactions, and we need to become more comfortable projecting our identity, all facets, through this digital connectivity of almost infinite networks of other humans. The reality is technology is getting better; and worse. Technology is becoming easier to craft the identity we would like to project, but it is getting worse in that if you are not careful algorithms pick at the little gaps seeking to exploit with fear, doubt, and victimhood. Clearly, the lines have been erased between what we would have considered our self-identity and the digital worlds that represent our identity. The technological world has forced us to think of ourselves, in many ways, as content. And in some ways that is good. If our identities are content and useful content should have some substance, maybe, just maybe, by treating it like content we will make sure it is worthy of our self. Ponder.

==================

“… I see NOW is my moment. Taking the time to listen for the answers to my questions. I guess NOW is always our moment even if it is only etching out one little piece of the bigger picture.”

Mindy Smith

===============

People are always reflecting. I guess we do it because we are, well, human. We do it not because we second guess or just want to beat the crap out of ourselves , but more likely with the intent to improve ourselves in some form or fashion. We reflect to move forward better.

I came across this quote from musician Mindy Smith.

While musicians are always reflecting upon their creativity with an eye to “what comes next” I imagine all of us do this thought, and thinking, in our own way. It is not just a creative process thing. It is a Life thing. But this thought really stood out for me because it is about now, and listening, and questioning and a recognition that now is ALWAYS our moment, uhm, if we elect it to be.

This doesn’t mean every moment is a ‘NOW’ moment, but rather you can make any moment a ‘NOW’ moment of you choose to <I hope that makes sense>.

That is a really really big thought.

I know many people struggle with the concept of maximizing each moment. I know I do. You kind of want to, but kind of also believe it is not very practical. And then you also wonder if you are choosing the ‘right’ moments to maximize. It can be a tiring process especially in reflection.

Mindy <I think> is suggesting you just find ‘now’ moments. And in that moment, for that brief time, it is an important moment because YOU stopped, and took the time to listen for answers to your questions. The moment was important because you made it so not because it claimed to be important.

That is an inspiring thought. It is a free-ing thought. And a hopeful thought.

But. Here is where she really inspires.

I believe a lot of people diminish a reflective moment as unimportant because they are, well, simply reflective moments <and not active or ‘action-oriented>. You didn’t really ‘do’ something tangible.

She suggests each moment etches, one little piece at a time, the bigger picture.

That is a nice thought especially if you couple it with the moment was important because you made it so.

In other words, it is your choice, and choices, which craft your future. All you have to do is stop some of the “NOWS” you interact with and make some of them important enough to do something.

Anyway.

This quote comes from a wonderfully articulated, very personal, thought on her song “Closer”:

“Many times in life’s journey, we find ourselves disoriented. For me, I make destructive decisions that can distract me from my ultimate goal. I think I am making the right choices and staying close to my agenda but I just run off course. In ‘Closer,’ I see the North Star as the prize. One that I am always getting so close to but unable to grab a hold of and then it eludes me. Personally this song paints a picture of how I see my musical career and that I see NOW is my moment. Taking the time to listen for the answers to my questions. I guess NOW is always our moment even if it is only etching out one little piece of the bigger picture.”

I think it is a thought all of us could relate to.

=====

cyanidegrrrl:

I like selfies because I am in complete control of how I am being presented that is powerful

… like boys on facebook laugh at the “stupid girls taking mirror selfies” and media mocks “generation selfie” but maybe that is because girls are controlling how they are presenting images of themselves to the world

and that is scary to them

======

“I’m not vain. I’m just recovering from years and years of low self-esteem. “

why I’m taking so many selfies

—

Selfies seem to have evolved in the newer world of Tiktok <kind of video selfies> and Instagram <selfie morphs into ‘influencer’>, but at its core, the whole conversation surrounding selfie has taken on a slightly absurd generational hue.

What do I mean <part 1>. If you want to really get an interesting discussion going in a group, bring up selfies. Shit. Even my 90something mother has brought up selfies in a conversation. Regardless. Rarely have I heard such unequivocal points of view with regard to a topic – from all ages.

What do I mean <part 2>. Let me point out that people have been doing ‘selfies’ for years … decades … if not centuries.

Huh?

The most famous … Rembrandt, Picasso <whose selfies are quite disturbing> and pretty much every great artist of their day.

I tend to think more older people should remember that.

Generalizing selfies as narcissistic or ‘regrettable actions of an unthinking youth’ is silly if not stupid.

Yes.

The digital age has made ‘unfortunate moments’ less easily forgettable moments. But that simply shapes the conversation as “if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, does it make a sound?”

What I mean is … simply because there were no smartphones when I was growing up and doing stupid things <that I am pleased to say never appeared on film anywhere> does that make me any more responsible then the current generation? What I mean is lots and lots of trees fell before the wacky world of smartphones and the internet, its just that the sounds were limited.

In addition.

Does my generation REALLY believe we wouldn’t have been doing exactly the same thing if we had smartphones when we were growing up?

Really?

C’mon. We have this absurd filter we put on rising generations that things they do we would have never done or, if we are particularly lazy, simply say “we never did things like that.” What a crock of shit.

—

“All grown-ups were once children … but only few of them remember it.”

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

—

Anyway.

Sure. Selfies can be silly, irresponsible and regrettable.

On the other hand. They create a true mosaic of life.

The perfections and the imperfections of each and every day.

And isn’t that really the point if we want society to progress? Would we rather not see the imperfections and learn to embrace them <rather than unrealistic perfection>?

I don’t know.

I am sure the real answer is; sometimes yes, sometimes no.

That said. We all know life is not perfect nor is there a perfect life.

In fact.

Selfies teach kids that.

Huh?

If you don’t think some kids take dozens of selfies that they do not send before they find one ‘perfect’ <or appropriate for what they want to communicate or showcase> then you do not understand what is happening.

Selfies increase awareness of how life is made up of each and every moment.

Selfies teach about regret and … well … mistakes … and forgiveness as well as moving on. I would argue that in the evolution of selfies that this heavy burden of ‘the perfect selfie’ has lessened as “authentic” – which, in this case, has arced toward embracing flaws, imperfections and ‘real’ – and the first selfie is more often the right one because it is, well, what happened.

Now.

We adults may not like what we see.

We adults may wonder what they are thinking when we see some selfies.

We adults may question taste or the decision to show something.

But if we adults don’t believe they know exactly what they are doing or the repercussions of what they have decided to share.

We are nuts.

And even more nuts?

Again. We would have done the same thing they are doing if we had the same tools they do now.

And our parents would have been tearing their hair out just as we are today.

Selfies are self-expression.

And they are absolutely about controlling self-image.

And in that we see the ups & downs of growing up in real time. And while we adults know that, for the most part, growing up is a harsh phase, it gets better. So. Simply shaking our heads with disapproval at selfies with that knowledge is a simplistic response which only suggests to young people that <a> we don’t get it, or <b> we have forgotten what it was like, or <c> we don’t respect what they are going thru.

In my mind, selfies are simply a different version of a daily diary.

The thoughtful, questioning, sometimes painful words have risen from private pages and become public images.

I imagine I end there because as adults we then question the public versus private decision.

And think ‘some things are better private.’

Sure.

Maybe.

But is our version of private the right version?

Is it not personal taste?

And is it not inevitably our choice … and shouldn’t someone have the right to their individual choice?

And who am I to judge someone’s individual choice? <answer: no one>

And, I would also note, in a 24/7 internet world I am actually unclear what private and public is anymore and whatever we ‘want’ truly matters in a world of ubiquitous smartphones.

My point is we adults need to get over it.

Selfies may stay.

Selfies may go.

They may evolve through things like Tiktok or even the metaverse.

The new private may simply be a public version of ‘you.’

In the scheme of things, does it really matter?

In the scheme of society and being part of the fabric of thoughts, ideas and progress, maybe your image, your selfie, is part of the collage of what will make us collectively stronger and maybe its the young, and their selfies, who are showing us the way? Ponder.

==============

“Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.”

Cyril Connolly

======================

So.

If you write, your biggest desire is to be read.

If you write, your biggest fear is to be read.

You want to write things that matter, but to do so you have to not only take a distinct stand but you also have to inject some of your own distinctness. While you feel best when you put things down on paper that meet that criteria, it is this that which leads to your biggest fear — it will be read. Because that is judgement time.

Writing is wandering the ragged diagonal between duty and desire.

Regardless.

I guess in some way we, who write, want people to be pleased, and to pay attention. You wouldn’t be human to not want this in some form or fashion.

That said. Primarily, maybe what is most important is, as long as you write for yourself and can be pleased by what you write and say you have spoken your mind, well, you are ahead of the game.

Secondarily, if at some point you entertain someone else and happen to stumble across the truth to share and someone sees it, well, consider yourself lucky — it was a good day.

I’ve written over 2500 pieces. I’d be lying if I didn’t say not every day was a good day. That said. The good days are really really good. And that’s why you write.