So. What’s happening between North and South Korea right now is some pretty serious shit. There are a boatload of people with a boatload of guns and a country with a new nuke they are dying to try out and one sunk ship and a torpedo which some group of scientific geeks have conclusively agreed was North Korean. They all stare at each other across this demilitarized zone (DMZ) which has even more mines and ingenious anti-whatever technology strewn across it than there are soldiers on both sides (both Koreas deploy the majority of their military and technology within 160 kilometers of the demarcation line that runs through the middle of the DMZ … in practical terms that represents over one million troops on either side, plus large numbers of tanks, long-range artillery, and armored personnel carriers.).

So. This is serious. And North Korea is seriously pissed. How pissed?

Well. According to an NPR report South Korea (after 8 years I believe) has restarted their propaganda campaign where they pipe in propaganda PR through huge loudspeakers over the DMZ.

Now. Let’s get this straight.

There are more mines then soldiers in the DMZ. And there are pretty much no North Korean civilians within listening distance of the loudspeakers so … if you think about it … South Korea is simply doing this to aggravate North Korea. (I feel like I just described some grade school hijinks … I love typing the word ‘hijinks’).

So. What happens when you poke the bear with a stick?

North Korea has responded by saying “knock it off or I am going to shoot the loudspeakers.”

Ok. I find that funny. Two nuclear powers bringing an entire conflict to head by shouting propaganda into empty space and shooting out the loudspeakers so that the mines can sleep more easily.

In response to North Korea’s response South Korea has decided to shift from piping in verbal shouting propaganda to playing Ted Nugent musak as loud as they can.

At last report North Korean soldiers are running screaming from their posts.

Last last update: North Korean General Secretary Kim Chong Il has reported ordering a new loudspeaker system constructed and begin piping in Barry Manilow (non musak) in retaliation.

A perfect case study of enlightened conflict. That’s all I can say.

So. This post will precede my “Purging Life” posts. I moved from a 3 bedroom house into a studio apartment. It is the smallest place I have ever lived in.

Ever.

I had an incredibly cool loft one bedroom apartment when I first moved to Atlanta in the late 80’s and even that was bigger than what I am living in now. Anyway. After the shock to the system wore off here are the positives of studio living:

–          If you have a living room ceiling light the only lamp you need is beside the bed. Awesome. Save on light bulbs. Dusting lampshades is a pain (no longer I say).

–          Once you figure out how to program your coffeemaker you don’t need that nasty aggressive alarm clock anymore. Now I slowly wake up to the gurgling of brewing coffee and the wafting aroma of dark rich coffee.

–          You can watch your best TV in bed or on the couch or actually anywhere in the place now that I think about it. And you only need one TV.

–          Bose bookshelf surround sound speakers have never sounded better and now reach every corner of the house.

–          When you cook you go to sleep with that wonderful smell (so don’t burn popcorn).

–          One scented candle and the whole place smells like a French boutique (or whatever you want it to smell like).

–          You save lots of money on entertaining because well frankly you can’t really entertain beyond maybe 2 people. One box of triscuits and spicy cheddar cheeze whiz and you are good to go.

–          My studio has a built in under counter wine cooler. Awesome. I recommend it. No excuses for “maybe we shouldn’t have another bottle”. You can not only figuratively crawl to the next bottle you can literally do it. In addition. Trip over the couch and you pass out on the bed. How convenient is that?

–          If you want to see a lot of someone invite them over. Trust me. Whatever they do and wherever they go you can see them. It can also help unwanted visitors leave quicker.

–          Tigger (my 15 year old border collie) could find me anywhere in the house just by lifting his head before going back to snoozing.

Living in a studio has lots of positives. Not just the above. And it really does make life a lot simpler and less expensive. And I do have an awesome ocean view.

I won’t suggest making such a radical life change is easy. Because it is not. But. Luckily (once you have purged) it is more about what is in your head than anything else.  It really almost ends up all about managing perceptions in your own head.

Once you stop thinking about the past (what you had, what you maybe were used to, what was …) and start focusing on the present (what you have) it is a lot easier to relax and enjoy life.

Ah. But you probably have to do some “purging” in order to move into a studio apartment. And that, my friendly readers, is all about pain. Literally and figuratively. Money value and emotional value.

Those would be my next posts about Purging.

So. I will admit. I kinda lost it when the ncaa started talking about making march madness a massive madness inviting everyone and their brother by doubling the size of the tournament.

But. In the end common sense won out over the almighty dollar.

Yes. The NCAA tournament will expand next season (as long as the Board of Directors approves the recommendation laid forth by the NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball Committee next Thursday).

Yet. The good news is March Madness will only add a trio of teams. Okay. This is huge. This is what I would call a victory for all the March Madness lovers out there (me included).

“There’s no expectation that further conversation takes place related to the field anytime in the near future,” NCAA senior vice president Greg Shaheen said. (awesome once again)

Hey. This is no guarantee some school out there will go wacky on us and start lobbying the NCCAA to quadruple the field and maybe include some high school teams or something but it does look like it will be a 64+1+3 (now) tournament.

Maybe it was me (in my stupefied scared mindset) but a 96 team tournament looked like a done deal beginning in 2011 (although NCAA interim president Jim Isch maintained that there “was no decision ever to go to 96”).

Yikes. Just imagine if the field were at 96 this past season. A mediocre North Carolina team would have been a virtual lock, some decrepit Pac-10 teams would have been included and some Canadian team would have been asked to play.
But the NCAA finally got this one right.

“Why mess with something that is very good the way it is? It’s perfect the way it is. Why do we have to reinvent the wheel?” the Army coach was quoted. Boy. Those military guys are pretty smart.

This decision was awesome. There was no need for a full blown expansion. And other than maybe returning to the 64-team format this was a great decision.

The bottom line here is that the integrity of March Madness (and the tournament) hasn’t been compromised, the 1^st and 2^nd round games will still create that upset buzz (and, admittedly, this whole play-in thing may actually improve the odds of an early round upset if say they add in someone like a Dayton – who won the NIT – or some major league conference mid team who could crank up a big game … but not a sustained one) and, lastly, the regular season will still mean something.

The new format hasn’t been determined but will be discussed at a couple of future meetings. There could be four play-in games instead of just one. Maybe it would be eight bubble teams battling it out for a shot at a 12-seed (I do like that idea). Anyway. Way to go NCAA.

Oh.

Owning an island?

WTF?

Well. Don’t ask me why but after seeing Nicholas Cage had to sell the island he owned (because Fast & Furious 2 or Gone in 60 seconds … whichever it was … didn’t produce in the box office I guess) I decided to see how much it would cost to buy an island.

Hey.

What the hell.

What’s wrong with buying an island getaway?

Or even getaway to an island forever.

Anyway. The answer? $90000.

That’s for 1.5 acres in the Caribbean.

Islas el Peru.

Awesome name.

Okay.

It’s near Nicaragua but at this price you can buy yourself a gun so you have that going for you.

Whoda thunk you could buy an island for cheaper than you could buy a 2 bedroom condominium in a US city.

And this island is located 15 minutes via boat from the colonial city of Granada.

The island is one of three properties … two of which have been joined together by the construction of a seawall. They say its perfect for fishing because the surrounding waters have tropical fish like red snapper, striped sea bass and some others I guess fisherpeople fish for.

The islands have an abundance of fruit trees like mangos and coconuts and are partially surrounded by the seawall.

Utilities can be brought in from the nearby mainland which is just a 5 minutes swim away from the islands. (I LOVED typing “just 5 minutes swim away)

Or.

Even better.

$45000 for a small island in the Philippines.

$45 frickin’ thousand dollars.

And as a bonus (no extra cost) it is called Gilligan’s Island.

No.

Frickin’.

Way.

This one is a 3 acre island with a small cottage and tiny beachfront area. The summit of the island is ideal for building a nice holiday place with magnificent views (cause it’s a stretch to call what is there a cottage). The coral and diving are excellent and several other people like us (ok. non Filipinos.) already own land and resorts in the area.

OK.

I don’t know about everyone else, but this not only surprised me but also made me think of packing it all up and heading out to an island.

I know  … I know  …  buying an island comes with its own set of problems and responsibilities, but the fact that it’s actually within reach is awesome.

Something to ponder on those days when … well .. you need to ponder things like this.

So. I drive by a high school here in San Francisco that has aardvarks wandering its sports fields.

And while it is always a little disconcerting to see aardvarks strolling around the fields of the local high school suddenly seeing one of them on their side snoozing is … well .. you slow down and look a little closer. Why? A snoozing aardvark looks an awful like road kill. But in the middle of a field instead of the middle of the road.

Let me start over. I guess I figured this being California instead of using safe chemicals to solve pest and ant problems on the soccer and football and baseball fields at a local high school they have rented/bought/leased (???) a squad of aardvarks (anteaters) to cleanse the fields.

Oh.

No.

The high school mascot is not an aardvark (that is actually UC Irvine). They are the Red Tailed Hawks. Anyway. The aardvarks. They randomly wander (well, actually, I have never seen them move … we will get back to that) the fields in their ambling pachydermish way like little tanks in search of ants. It makes it a little interest during baseball practice (I would imagine the cruel kids treat the aardvarks like the ball sweeping cart at the golfing range) and the outfielders learn to navigate the obstacles while tracking down fly balls.

So. After seeing the sleeping aardvark I went online to see what the deal was exactly (I mean how do you decide to actually bring aardvarks in?).

To my dismay I found out that the aardvarks I had been spotting as I drove by the high school were actually fake coyotes.

Huh? Did I feel stupid or what?

(but, hey … compare the pictures and tell me from a distance you wouldn’t have been confused!).

So the reason this whole thing happened (the fake coyotes) was the geese tended to outnumber the athletes on Mill Valley’s Tamalpais High School athletic fields so the school officials came up with the novel idea to bring in fake coyotes.

Apparently the coyote lookalikes work extremely well, scaring off birds that look good but seem to do nothing but eat and poop. To make me not appear as stupid as this post may make it seem, According a local paper, a whole bunch of the faux predators looked so lifelike that people even reported the “coyotes” thinking they were real (so. I have that going for me.)

On a separate note there is a very cool retail design shop in Dayton Ohio that actually has a pair of border collies that alternate sitting in front of the building to scare away their geese (I like that option better than the fake aardvark/coyote idea).

So. While I feel a little stupid, and the idea sounds stupid, at least it’s working for the high school.

And maybe I should drop a note to some of the local supermarkets and businesses because a whole bunch of them have been putting these fake owls (and yes … in this case I not only identified them properly as owls but I also recognized they were fake) to scare off the pigeons.

Oddly enough they seem to attract pigeons as I see lots of them crowding around the fake owl (boy. that was an effective tactic, huh?).

Maybe if they put some of these fake coyotes up there instead of the owls not only would geese stay away but maybe the pigeons would too.

That’s my free idea of the day. Anyone who wants to use it can.

Sometimes you see things that make you think. And make you understand that the world is a lot bigger and more challenging than what we face day to day in our own lives.

And then when you start thinking about kids and what they face in schools and peer pressure and daily challenges you see something like this and it puts some things in life in perspective.

I don’t doubt that a kid’s life can seem pretty dark sometimes. But I also doubt we adults invest half the energy we should insuring we lighten their lives (because frankly we have our own shit we need to deal with). I am not suggesting we don’t try to shed some light (because, once again, frankly I have some friends who are awesome parents and invest so much energy into their kid’s lives that I am in awe of their energy and strength).

But.

I struggle to believe given what I see happen in our (adults) lives that we remember to see all the darkness in children’s lives.

And, in general, we can never do enough to insure we make sure it never gets too dark for our children.

Anyway. When I saw this it reminded me that kids grow up fast enough as it is and we should do anything we can possibly do to let them enjoy being a child. Sure. They need to understand that there are responsibilities and that life isn’t always easy. But every child deserves a childhood.

So.

When I see an image like this. And I read words like this. I admit. My heart breaks a little.

And makes me want to enlighten even more.

Just so I can do my part to eliminate some of the darkness.

While I am perfectly clear about some etiquette details with regard to police:

–          Don’t call them “ocifer” even if just kidding around when stopped

–          Don’t flip them off and tell them you were simply saying they were doing a #1 job

–          Make donut jokes

There are some etiquette items that I am unclear on. Unfortunately I had two of them back to back today.

First. Let me say I am now in a city where they are maniacally focused on pedestrian rights in crosswalks. As soon as a person even implies they are about to step into a crosswalk they have the right of way. Even if say you are going 50 miles an hour and the light is green and the crosswalk appears clear.

Stop if someone steps off the curb (or even threatens to step off).

So.

Here I am ready to make a right hand turn (on red … legally). Road is curving into the intersection so I as I look to my left it’s difficult to see that far up the road as cars come down the hill.

I inch out to get a better look attempting to insure some kamikaze coming down the hill on the cell phone doesn’t abuse my car. I am now officially in the crosswalk.

A police car slides up behind me (which is typically good for a slight uptake in the heartbeat even if you aren’t even close to doing anything wrong).

So I am now partially blocking the crosswalk with a black & white behind me and me being doubly careful I don’t cut in front of a car coming down the hill.

And then, lo and behold, the local wino, pushing their favorite shopping cart, curves around the corner of the hill on the sidewalk ambling toward the cross walk that I am partially blocking on the far side of where willy the wino is going to enter the crosswalk.

So.

Do I make my legal right on red now and risk getting hit but get out of the crosswalk before he enters the crosswalk?

Do I hope the light actually turns green so I can just turn?

Do I honk and wave at the policeman to back his fat ass up and I back up?

Do I just get out of my car and walk back to the policeman and ask them for the ticket I know is coming? Do I roll down the window and shout out to Willy the wino to hurry up cause I have the 5 bucks I owe him?

Painful decisions I have to make. I am unclear of the etiquette here. And I was hesitant to ask the ocifer for etiquette advice.

Anyway.

Next.

And then there is the slow fast left turn light.

You know what I am talking about.

The left turn arrow takes forever to appear. You can sit for seemingly an hour and cars are going and coming and turning every which way except the left hand turn lane you are in. And when it does turn green it’s for about 5 seconds.

So. The police car is the only car in front of me at the slow fast left turn light.

We have been sitting there forever. The policeman is looking out to his left.

The turn arrow finally turns green.

We sit.

He continues looking out to his left.

We sit.

Seems like hours (Its seconds but the frickin light is only green for a milliminute).

Do I honk? (without yelling or flipping him off).

Is he just sitting there staring at the good looking woman standing on the corner in the short shorts and jogging at a standstill for the light to change?

Or is he staring at some unseen hoodlum ready to commit a crime I can’t see and my honking would disturb the surveillance and “blow the nab” (so they say down at the police house) for him?

Do I honk and he just gets pissed off and writes me a ticket for any reason he wants? (but I make the left hand turn)

Geez.

Needless to say. Light switches to yellow. He notices at last minute. Accelerates thru light and I am stuck. I could point out that the light was probably orange when he actually entered the intersection but I am not even sure what the etiquette is for that.

It was a very tough police etiquette day today.

Needless to say I stopped by a donut shop afterwards to think about it all. Powdered. None of the gooey stuff inside. And no I didn’t see any cops when I was there.

Yesterday’s plane crash that eliminated almost 50% of Poland’s leadership in Russia is a tragedy. Just another for Poland over centuries of their existence. A combination of events and history makes this an even larger tragedy.

As background. The Kingdom of Poland was formed in 1025 and in 1569 it cemented a long association with the Grand Duchy of Lithuania forming the Polish–Lithuanian Commonwealth. So. Say from 1385 to 1795 Poland was one of the largest European countries with one of the most infamous armies and generals (Until the 18th century the Polish Hussars were considered the elite of the Commonwealth armed forces) and was exceptional with regard to religious tolerance.

Then Poland in 1795 ceased to exist for 123 years as Prussia, Austria and Russia portioned the country amongst them.  Poland regained its independence as the Second Polish Republic in 1918, after World War I (beating back the Russians in about 1921 to maintain their independence). Then Poland lost over six million citizens in World War II only to emerge later as the People’s Republic of Poland within the Eastern Bloc under Soviet influence (if you want a relatively easy read and an interesting historical overview of Poland, pick up James Michener’s Poland. It is my favorite of all Michener’s books).

So, today, seeing the picture of the flag-draped coffin met by the president’s twin brother and his daughter Marta at Warsaw airport continues an image of Poland striving to forge its way through a variety of challenges.

97 people died in the crash after the Polish president’s Tupolev plane clipped trees on its approach to Smolensk (Russia) airport in thick fog. There were no survivors. And the passengers included almost 50% of top Polish leadership (could you imagine f that happened in the USA?).

What gives this all an eerie feeling is that the Polish president had been flying to Smolensk to attend the 70th anniversary of the Katyn massacre, when Soviet secret police killed 15,000 Polish officers in one of the most notorious atrocities of the Second World War. In a tragic twist, family members of the Katyn victims were on board the president’s plane. The subject of Katyn has been a source of unresolved friction between Moscow and Warsaw for decades with Soviet governments falsely blaming the Nazis for the massacre until recently accepting responsibility.

There was no suspicion of foul play, but the extraordinary timing and location of the disaster, together with the Polish President’s known antipathy towards the Kremlin, are likely to fuel conspiracy theories on both sides.

Russian officials said that the airport, 270 miles west of Moscow, had been closed because of thick fog. They advised the pilot to land instead in Moscow or Minsk, but he continued with the original flight plan, making three abortive attempts to land at Smolensk’s Severny military airport. On the fourth attempt, the Russian-built airliner crashed. “The Polish presidential plane did not make it to the runway while landing. It hit the treetops and fell apart,” said Smolensk’s governor, Sergei Anufriev.

A tragedy. It’s not just a sad day for Poland. It is a sad day for the world.

I am not a big TV golf watching guy. I put golf on TV in the same category as ice skating and bowling as watching events (translated that means watching golf on tv is chinese water torture tv style) . But. The Masters is different. It’s kind of addictive. And someone at the network must have gone to the ESPN school of coverage in never lingering on one player for long but skipping from shot to shot which keeps up an amazing pace of shot making (it almost makes it feel like a fast  game).

Tiger

Tiger is Tiger. I don’t care if he shacks up with an entire Hooters restaurant of waitresses he can still play golf. And I think he also realized the way to shut up (or shut down) the negativity over his marital transgressions (but libido that transcended) was to play some good golf. So he didn’t win. So his last round wasn’t that Tiger of old. So the guy was in the running to win for 3+ rounds. So this guy can play golf. So if you expected him to be happy afterwards you were nuts. Family stuff was family stuff. Winning is winning. He came to win.

The old guys

I love the senior golf tour.  Well. Let me say … I know there is one. And I know they play a lot of tournaments. And I know that a lot of golfers who I grew up with and knew about are still playing somewhere on that tour. And I bet someone out there actually watches it.

I guess to translate this means I don’t love it as a golf watching event but I love it for the fact it keeps these old guy’s games honed to a point where they can compete with the kids. At least for awhile. It gives everyone some perspective. And perspective is good.

Getting in a groove

Mickleson’s three hole almost three eagles stretch. Couples birdie birdie birdie. The Anthony Kim run. I could go on. It seems like the great players while they can play an entire round well get into these three hole “grooves.” And it is fun to watch. Because the really good ones feel it and go with it. And those are the times you see shots that no one should be able to make. And certainly not when the entire world is watching and the Masters is on the line.  This is what makes me want to actually watch this game on television.

Groove part 2

As the groove tails off (and it is actually not a slope it is a cliff at the Masters) you wait for the inevitable. I don’t know why but it seems more often at the Masters than anywhere else that the end of the groove is some disastrous fall off. Makes for great television. Makes for ulcers on the tour. Anyway. Maybe that is what makes Mickelson’s last round so awesome. A couple of little grooves and no cliff dive (although he teetered on a couple).

That golf course

I could go out there with three of my best buddies and 4 cases of slightly warm PBR and our Wal-Mart mixed bag of clubs and our shots would look frickin’ awesome as they rolled and skipped their way down the fairways. I have been fortunate to play on a number of PGA golf courses (when they are in tournament ‘cut’) and they are always beautiful and unplayable to normal human beings. I have never played at Augusta. All I know is I wouldn’t have enough balls in my bag to finish a round but there couldn’t be a more beautiful course out there to lose all those balls. TV shot to TV shot the course looks stunning. Oh. And difficult. Oh. And Mickleson shot back to back 67’s on it. Oh (as in oh my god).

—

“Now, gentlemen, let us do something today which the world may talk of hereafter.”

=

Admiral Cuthbert Collingwood before the battle at Trafalgar

—

Well.

It seemed appropriate to post this quote on the NCAA Final Four day. I doubt any of the coaches will use it prior to the game … but they could.

Collingwood was one of Nelson’s best friends and second in command of the Royal Navy at Trafalgar. He actually won the naval battle after Nelson died in the midst of the battle.

He was supposed to be a humorless man but a perfect partner in crime with Nelson who was a PR hound.

Regardless.

Prior to the battle Collingwood understood the moment. he saw the moment for what it was … bigger.

And he certainly recognized that not all moments are equal. Even in ‘big’ moments some are … well … just bigger.

And he also understood he was asking ordinary men to do something extraordinary.

Oh.

That is what leaders do.

Look.

In ordinary life we don’t face many Trafalgar type situations.

Life and business is a stream full of ordinary moments peppered with opportunities for the extraordinary. You won’t always recognize the moment of opportunity and that is okay.

But it is truly a shame when you DO recognize the moment and not seek to do something “the world may talk of hereafter.”

Maximus in The Gladiator suggested “what we do today will echo in eternity.”

Same idea.

Some moments echo in eternity in ways that … well … people talk hereafter about.

Just make sure you don’t miss it when the opportunity arises.

We don’t all have someone like Cuthbert around to remind us.

Just pay attention. Everyone … yes … everyone has at least one moment in their Life in which they can do something of which the world may talk of hereafter.

That’s all I can say.