=========

“They can betray me, but I choose not to betray my peace of mind.”

Dodinsky

===============

I can honestly say I have never been betrayed by anyone.

Well.     Okay.     Maybe.

Sure.

Some people have disappointed me in their choices & actions … but … either I have never done anything bad enough that was worth being betrayed for <… uhm … I am fairly sure I have some betrayable items I have done strewn throughout my past so that’s not it> or I haven’t considered what someone has done as ‘betrayal’ or worthy enough to be truly deemed “betrayal worthy.”

Now.

It is quite possible I define betrayal differently than a lot of other people.

Because <part 1> I would guess I could go back to high school and examine some ‘friendship betrayal’ thing … which … well … in viewing as an adult would probably look fairly absurd <even though it may have felt like betrayal at the time>.

Because <part 2> I imagine I could examine some past relationship and assess “betrayal” upon it … which … well … in viewing honestly & realistically was simply an act within a relationship that wasn’t what it was cracked up to be anyway <and inevitably doomed regardless>.

Because <part 3> maybe I refuse to hold a grudge, if even for a short amount of time, because someone has disappointed me.

====

    “I’m all about unforgiving and hating and holding grudges because it keeps me safe and mentally healthy and I don’t care about your stupid feel-good quotes about forgiving everyone everywhere always so you can take your feel-good emotionally manipulative apologist bullshit and shove it”

(via sailingaugust)

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This isn’t because I believe in any of the stupid feel good quotes <because I have gone on record publicly on my blog that I believe it is mostly bullshit>.

This isn’t because I believe in any feel good emotionally manipulative apologist bullshit <also have gone on record publicly about this>.

It is because … well … people are people, people are human, and there are two sides to any story.

Here is what I know for sure.

If you give anyone ample opportunity they will sometimes disappoint you.

If you give anyone ample opportunity they will sometimes surprise you.

Suffice it to say people, in your Life, are no better or any worse than people somewhere in someone else’s life.

And, to me, betrayal is tossed around far too flippantly.

People are not monsters nor do they constantly seek to disappoint or ‘betray.’

I could argue that if you stopped for just one second, and maybe think about the fact that each and every one of those same people you are disappointed in are all heroes in their own story – a story that they write every day – well, it’s kind of hard to attach “betray” on someone unless you are pretty selfish.

Selfish in that your story is more important than their story.

And, yet, we all see betrayal come to Life in a variety of ways dependent upon our age and where we are in life.

High school in friends we trusted.

Business in coworkers we trusted.

Relationships in partners we trusted.

Betrayal, in almost all forms or fashion, seems to reside in some unstated contract – a contract with Life.

Think about it. Almost everyone wakes up every day with a contract with the day in front of them. The contract consists of being concerned about their own drama Life and their own ‘things’ rather than whether they should become involved, or not involved, in anything else.

Does that make them someone a betrayer because in doing so they disappoint you?

Well.

Yes and no.

Yes in that people do have contracts with other people. It is not solely an “I” world.

And, yet, no. No in that even at their worst of worst “I” behavior even the monsters don’t see monsters reflected in the mirror.

I try and remember all of that every day.

In my mind betrayal is inevitably a very personal thing. Personal in that it is about having a piece of you either broken or sliced away.

Yeah. It can sting a little.

But it is just a piece and the piece does not define the whole.

==============

“I decided, enough pain …. I was not the woman who breaks into pieces under the blows of abandonment and absence, who goes mad, who dies.

Only a few fragments had splintered off, for the rest I was well. I was whole, whole I would remain. To those who hurt me, I react giving back in kind.

I am the queen of spades, I am the wasp that stings, I am the dark serpent. I am the invulnerable animal who passes through fire and is not burned.”

Elena Ferrante

==================

Yeah.

Maybe someone has betrayed me at some point in my Life.

Maybe I would see it as such if I viewed it as many people would traditionally view betrayed and betrayal.

But maybe people would be better served by viewing betrayal as I do because, well, let me go back to where I began and my 1^st sentence: I can honestly say I have never been betrayed by anyone.

That is my peace of mind.

I have passed through any and all fires of betrayal and not been burned.

Sure seems like a shitload of people would be happier in Life if they could say that.

But that’s me.

Ponder.

—–

“Every time we choose safety, we reinforce fear.”

Cheri Huber

—–

“Looking back, of course, it was irresponsible, mad, forlorn, idiotic, but if you don’t take chances then you’ll never have a winning hand, and I’ve no regrets.”

Bernard Cornwell

—–

So. This is about safety, fear, and those who dare.

I imagine that daring is mostly about fear or the ability to face fear. Because to ‘dare’ is all about stepping away from safety and making some decision, in some form or fashion, to ‘go for it.’ That said I almost began with “qui audet adipiscitur”: “who dares, wins” but elected to not do so.

Why? Well. To me it seems to imply those who dare, well, win. As in ‘the only way to win is to dare.’ Or. To dare is to win.

Uhm. That’s not always true. Those who dare certainly have a chance to win. but they can also lose.

** note: “qui audet adipiscitur” is the motto with the British Special Air Service <SAS>. In addition, the motto has been used by nine elite special forces units around the world that in some way have historical ties to the British SAS.

Anyway. While I am using latin <hopefully correctly … because I do not speak latin> a well-known Latin saying with that same basic meaning is “audaces fortuna juvat” or “luck smiles on the daring” <often stated as ‘fortune favors the bold>.

Here is the deal. I love being bold. I love encouraging some to ‘dare to do.’ But. Being daring, flippantly, is foolish.

Daring is a decision of the moment, not a decision of Life. People who make daring a Life decision tend to have short lives. And to suggest that they ‘lived life to its fullest’ is not only trite, but also foolish. They simply lived a shorter life than they could have because they couldn’t discern when to be daring and when not to be daring <and therefore simply always having an on switch>.

Daring is about choice.

And while just shoving the whole concept of a ‘life of daring’ up a bunch of people’s asses I will then also suggest a full Life contains some moments of daring.

Simplistically, the Life daring formula is this:

—

No daring is bad.

–

All daring is bad.

–

Some daring is good.

And that is where ‘to dare’ becomes all about choiceful choices. It becomes all about discerning the moments to leave safety, to face fear and dare to ‘do’ something.

<by the way … practice makes you better at this>

Life will definitely provide you periods in ‘human affairs’ which represent opportunities … if you dare to make the choice to try and take advantage of the opportunity.

“There are seasons, in human affairs, of inward and outward revolution, when new depths seem to be broken up in the soul, when new wants are unfolded in multitudes, and a new and undefined good is thirsted for.

There are periods when … to dare, is the highest wisdom.”

William Ellery Channing

Look. Daring, in Life, isn’t really about the bleeding edge of courage, it is more likely embodied in simply doing what you can do to put yourself in the way of as much opportunity as possible. Simplistically, Life will deal you a hand and that is mainly a matter of luck. But the way you play the hand is a matter of skill and resilience and, well, daring.

Oh.

Yeah.

I purposefully attached luck to daring.

Yeah … yeah … yeah … people will debate with me on that.

“People make their own luck” is the main comeback.

That’s bullshit.

Let’s face it.

Sometimes you need a little luck. Not always. And you certainly cannot depend on it, but sometimes … just face it … you just need some luck.

And this gets me back to ‘practice makes perfect’ and becoming better at when and where to dare. You can practice luck.

No shit.

A guy named Professor Richard Wiseman, a psychologist at the University of Hertfordshire, has carried out studies on luck and its effect on people.  And he believes lucky people follow their instincts:

—

‘It is very easy to take an unscientific approach to luck and simply speculate about what does and doesn’t make people lucky.

The best work into the topic has involved scientific research and discovered that luck is indeed all in the mind, and that people can change their luck by thinking and behaving like a lucky person.’

—

Luck, and daring to do, are tricky things. And your first experience can dictate some relatively absurd future behavior. If you first step into the ‘I dared to do’ pool is successful, it seems to imbue an exponentially warped larger sense of ‘I can do anything.’ Conversely, if your first step into the ‘I dared to do’ pool almost drowns you, well, you have an increased sense of ‘I belong on the shore.’

In addition.

We see many people so focused on ‘changing their luck’ they become blind to reality and a similar group of people who think ‘I need to be more daring more often in order to get to where I want to get to.’ And inevitably they come crashing to a halt <albeit these are the same people who look back and see the few ‘when it worked out in my favor’ among the many ‘wow I got fried’ moments and continue the absurd behavior>.

Luck & daring is inevitably made by making good choices in when to test luck and when to test daring.

And ultimately it all comes down to one thing – fear. And managing your fear.

You may fear ‘I am no longer lucky.’ <and play on seeking affirmation of your ‘luckiness’ blind to whether it is the best time to try your luck>

You may fear ‘I have never been lucky.’ <and you do not even get in the game … never leave safety>

You may fear ‘I dared and lost so daring is bad.’ <to be clear, one moment in which you are not ‘enough’ is not a reflection of other moments, in other words, you don’t see the concept of ‘moment’ as contextual but rather as similar>

You may fear ‘if I don’t dare I won’t win.’ <more often putting you in increasingly bad situations which you should not have dared an actually increase the degree of difficulty>

I told you this whole thing was hard.

Managing fear is hard. Really hard. And those who state ‘no fear’ are lying <or have some psychological disorder>.

I sometimes fear that we make ‘to dare’ sound so monumental that it  becomes a more daunting choice for us to make.

Look.

If you think about it, to dare is simply a Life choice. One of which we make as part of all the decisions and choices we make each and every day.

Just look really really close at your Life and each day.

You will find the little moments in which you dared to do something.

The moments that if you told someone around you that you ‘dared to do’ something most would laugh and suggest it wasn’t daring.

Baloney. No. Bullshit. They are wrong.

They are the little moments which make you alive. The little moments in which you dared Life and won. The little moments which seem a little brighter than the other often gray moments.

I believe most of us ‘dare to do’ much much more often than we give ourselves credit for. And if we actually gave ourselves credit maybe we would be better at managing the truly more big daring moment decisions and choices.

Aw.

Shit.

Just think about this:

——-

“I will take the sun in my mouth

and leap into the ripe air

Alive

with closed eyes

to dash against darkness”

=

E.E. Cummings

——

 To dare, the big moments or the little moments, is to leap into the ‘ripe air alive.’

Fear & dare are two words which seem to take on a big Life of their own.

And you know what?

They are littler than they imagine.

And you should treat them as littler things.

Dare a little.

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“Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.”

André Gide

 ————————–

I am always wary of those who come out blazing by speaking “the truth.” I believe rarely are things black & white. In fact. I believe truth is often contextual and often slippery to get a hold of.

Now. Let’s not confuse facts with truth. Lots of facts exist. And in a mutually exclusive environment someone can hold up a fact as a single-minded fragile truth. The difficulty is that everything is connected with everything and a single fact does not ever live in a world solo. It rubs elbows within a community of other facts. And as they rub against each other they create, well, truths. Truth is a combination of facts.

I would also suggest truth is often elusive. In that I mean if you care about truth and are a truth seeker you are always in the pursuit of truth as facts replace facts (as facts tend to do).

Now. I want to be careful. Yes. There is truth in the world. Even if some facts change all they do is change the shape of most truths, not make them ‘untruths.’ I do believe we sometimes forget that. Simply because a fact changes does not make the whole become irrelevant. It can, but most times it does not.

I believe rather than discussing truth, or a truth, as static we should refer to it in, well, progress terms. The pursuit of truth is one of progress.

Things may arc toward truth (assuming there is active involvement in the pursuit of), but that arc is not smooth nor does it actually move in one direction. Truth, itself, is uneven in that in its combination of facts those facts can reside in the past, present and future as well as within the truth itself and ‘with-out’ (correlative connectedness). Truth is, well, very often emergent. Therefore, we truth seekers deal with many wrong turns, stops (which look like dead ends but aren’t really), doom loops and a variety of backtracking trips. All in all, though, things continue moving toward Truth. Truth is often contextual, often situation-specific and often can take on a slightly different hue when viewed by different people.

Truth changes. Truth changes in some unexpected and unpredictable ways. Being blind, or remaining purposefully ignorant to that, shifting of truths can cost you, well, Truth itself.

Anyway.

I have been called optimistically cynical. I guess I question everything upfront (or maybe one would hope as I have become older I can judge what to question and what to accept upfront), but always believe great things can come of the pursuit of truth (rather than use the cynicism to drag me away from accepting a truth).

I would like to believe I am one of those people who are constantly seeking truth.

I would like to believe I collect facts and seek the coherence that shapes truths.

I would like to believe I am one of those people who sees truth as kaleidoscopes of colors rather than simplistic black & whites.

Well. I may not be, but it is certainly a good objective to try to attain. Maybe I am simply a truth seeker work-in-progress.

Well, even if you never find truth, I could argue that trying to achieve that objective is not the worst thing in the world. In fact. Maybe it is the only way to get to Truth.

————————–

“The best is the enemy of good.”

Voltaire

———————–

I am sure everyone has either heard of, or read, the book “Good to Great.”

I am not as sure everyone has heard Voltaire’s “the best is the enemy of good.”

Well. Voltaire only beat the book by about 200 years and all while trying not to die in a duel or get his head chopped off.

Two points with this quote.

First is my personal soapbox. Just because something is old doesn’t mean it isn’t smart. I didn’t need an entire book to tell me about good to great. Voltaire said it in one line.

A shitload of people in the past, who never used technology let alone electricity, said a shitload of smart things that are relevant today. One could ask “how the hell could do they do that?” If one asked, I would remind everyone that principles, and principled thinking, are timeless and while past events are contextual, past thinking tends to adapt to context.

Ponder.

Second is the truth behind the thought. You can settle for good or you can do something better. I don’t need a book for that either. What we mostly get wrong in business, and life, is thinking we need to worry about doing ‘bad shit’ or doing something wrong. That is actually the least of our worries. Why? Because for the most part doing bad shit, or doing things wrong, is never satisfying. People, in general, are satisfaction seeking entities. This is where ‘good’ comes into the picture. Good can be quite satisfying. In fact. Good can become addictive if that is all you want. Good can be done in extremely high quantities. But. I would be remiss if I did not point out no matter how many ‘goods’ you do they will never attain the quality of a ‘best.’ I will not suggest everyone should do ‘the best’ or even seek to do ‘the best’ every single time. If we are honest, that is an energy sucking way of life. What I will suggest is that good is so seductive it is the enemy of best.

Yeah. I just flipped the quote.

Yeah. I am pretty sure that is what Voltaire was trying to tell you.

Ponder.

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“In a finite game, the rules are fixed until there is a winner, but in an infinite game, the rules must change during the course of play.”

James Carse

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“If life’s journey be endless, where is its goal? The answer is, it is everywhere.”

Rabindranath Tagore

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While this is about finite versus infinite, it is really about winning or success.

• a commitment to the future versus a commitment to a conclusion in the present.
• using resources or using ambition.
• repeating behavior instead of reinterpreting, reimagining, principles for new contexts.

Now.

This piece may not be for people who like specific goals and milestones, but for a joker like me who likes the randomness of life and finds pleasure not in linear success, but the spontaneous successful moments that appears in life the whole idea of infinite is far far more appealing to me than the Finite.

“I have no way of knowing whether the events that I am about to narrate are effects or causes.”

Jorge Luis Borges

Let me be clear.

There is absolutely a need for ‘finite’ type activity. Some people prefer working toward specific objectives and finite activity has value in its, well, finiteness. That said. As Goldratt suggested about business: “there is no finish line.” The grander objective of any business is never something finite, it is actually infiniteness – thrive-ability for an unforeseeable length of time. And that thrive-ability is actually grounded in, well, complexity (and the finite tends to thrive on simplicity).

The complexity that everything is connected with everything & the difference between beginning & ends is simply one’s perspective. cause & effect is a linear idea in a non linear world.

The complexity of reinterpretation based on context wherein ambition to meet the needs of a situation trumps simply using resources available.

The complexity in recognizing that progress has no finish line and that successes are just situational (but should still be celebrated).

Now.

This entire idea is outline in James Carse’s book “The Infinite and Finite Game.” The book is not a read for the faint of heart. Fascinating, interesting and, at times, unintelligible. Yet, at its core, it explores what is actually at the heart of the challenge facing the business world – must we view things in a finite way to be successful or if we viewed it in a infinite way could we get out of the horrible cycle of shortermerism, profit over people, traditional hierarchy, and the general muck business seems to be mired in.

Anyway.

The most visible concept of finite in business is gamification. That alone should make everyone dislike gamification. It is simply a series of challenging people to work in an endless array of games where there is a winner or loser.

But the finite/infinite relationship comes to life in a variety of other ways.

Abstract versus tangible:

Infinite is abstract. Finite is tangible. Unless you can tether the infinite with some narrative, some vision, some story, some metaphor, running a business with an infinite mindset is going to feel a lot like chaos. And it may actually be (although it may not be in that there are other surrounding principles which permits the organization to act in a coherent way).

Another abstract versus tangible aspect is value. Now. Most businesses do not discuss finite versus infinite in terms of Finite value versus Infinite value. They should.

In business Finite value can most often be found in maximizing a transaction (between purchaser and enterprise) – maximizing present value.

Infinite value can most often be defined in maximizing a life (of a business enterprise) – maximizing future value.

Ponder.

Cooperation:

Carse suggests finite versus infinite is about competition versus cooperation.  This is an important distinction because rivalry, or competition, is self-terminating. If business were a 100-yard dash this may be okay (maybe), but its not. The purpose of any business is actually to be infinite where its life has no foreseeable conclusion and progress has no foreseeable stopping point. Once again, in Goldratt’s words: there is no finish line.

I would point out that this is really about decision making. Good decision-making needs good sense making. I imagine I am suggesting sense making demands we remove competition (and its unsavory companion – rivalry) to be successful.  I imagine I am suggesting true, effective, collaboration cannot exist within competition environment. I imagine I am suggesting collective sensemaking is collaboration. I imagine I am suggesting shelving a ‘benefit now, disadvantage later mindset’ tied to tangible finiteness and tapping into infinite value.

Ponder.

Emergent:

While we cannot control the future, we can certainly control the conditions of how the future we want is constructed. This is actually probabilities management, not goals management (kind of the business version of “push versus pull” marketing strategy). That said. Emergent defies most planning (finite management) and embraces ‘smart strategic opportunistic” behavior (potential management). Yes. There has to be an artful balance of finite, self-interest/transactional, and infinite – the larger greater good (self-interest cannot be separated in the long run from the interests of the world” Daniel Schmachtenberger) . Emergent demands a buy in between the individual and the collective wherein the individual ‘self authors’ (autopoietic) with an accepted vision of the larger group so that all decisions & actions remain coherent.

** Note: Autopoietic – self authoring.  Society is emergent in that people self-author their own definitions of success and self-narrative (meaning in the world & society) versus society establishing the definitions with which an individual should judge themselves (and be judged).

** Note: autopoiesis (from Greek αὐτo- (auto-), meaning ‘self’, and ποίησις (poiesis), meaning ‘creation, production’) refers to a system capable of reproducing and maintaining itself. The original definition can be found in Autopoiesis and Cognition: the Realization of the Living (1st edition 1973, 2nd 1980)

I would suggest Emergent could be called deterministic chaos in that Complex systems are both deterministic (when constructed well) and chaotic (when working well). Therefore, success is found in both constraints and in the unconstrained, the finite and the infinite.

Ponder.

Abstract pattern recognition:

Part of infinite is shifting patterns or maybe the ongoing instability of patterns, therefore, finite resides within the pattern itself. Now. Power has always resided in the tangible which inevitably arcs toward simplicity (if not oversimplification). Yet. When external events disrupt the pattern then we, individuals/organizations/society the effectiveness of existing patterns becomes less effective, new aspects into patterns yet to be defined and then new patterns occur. It is important to note that most existing patterns do not function when conditions change.

“Humans reproduce geometrically while resources reproduce arithmetically.”

Malthusian Theory

I would be remiss if I didn’t point out no business can exist without any pattern or pattern identification. Patterns identify structure and all business needs some structure. That said. Finite tends to define patterns in a static way (linear) and infinite tends to define patterns from an abstract perspective (coherence). Both have some value although the former is fragile and the latter is antifragile.

Ponder.

Idealism versus realism:

Idealism versus realism is often a debate between abstract and tangible as well as possibilities and pragmatism. When someone says “I am being practical” 99% of the time they have resolved themselves to a binary world in which the choice making, the decision, is some simplistic fork in the road. The truth is crossroads are more roundabouts rather than some ‘road not taken’ type decision.

That, my friends, is the finite versus infinite mindset.

“La fixité du milieu intérieur est la condition d’une vie libre et indépendante”

(“The constancy of the internal environment is the condition for a free and independent life”).

Claude Bernard

Every business demands realism. The issue is when that realism suffocates the idealism.

Ponder.

In the end.

The most basic aspect of finite versus infinite is transactional versus long term value. Present value versus future value. And while both have roles it would be a mistake to solely choose one over the other.

Look. The truth is people, to be at their best, need to have some core consistency (passion, vision, character, whatever), some finiteness, in order to be free enough in the infinite universe to be successful.

Not to get too philosophical but a successful business is always a fragile balancing act between being independent from the external environment and actually of the external environment. In other words, balancing the finite and infinite. Business demands not only recognition of the finite versus infinite aspects of business itself but also the people who make the business work.

Ponder.

====================

“And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.”

Stephen Chbosky

==============

—-

“The line of life is a ragged diagonal between duty and desire.” –

=

 William R. Alger

—–

Well. I am not sure I have ever seen a more succinct explanation for Life as a struggle as well as Life is never a straight line.

Life truths?

Life is an ongoing struggle.

And Life is rarely a straight and narrow path.

Why are these ‘truths’? Because inevitably all lives are made up of choices.

A shitload of ongoing choices — small and large and every size in between. And these choices we make all tell us the path(s) our lives will take.

Now. I do not believe our Life, or destiny, is pre-ordained in a black & white definition. What I mean is that even if I did believe in a higher order <God has a plan for each and every one of us> destiny, I would tend to believe it was a map of possibilities. Therefore, we make choices aiming toward something in general <whatever your personal something is> … and amble down a path, or number of paths, that is not preordained but ones we choose.

But.

I like … no … love the thought that we get tugged by some sense of duty <right thing to do> versus desire <some type of self-gratification … spanning from full indulgence to full altruism> as we make all these choices.

What does is mean? A diagonal line.

Oh.

Nope.

A ragged diagonal line.

Should we choose one way … that is the way we will go.

Should we choose another way … we go that way instead.

This means Life consists of paths that branch out turning right and left, this way and that way, running straight and crooked, turning sometimes randomly & severely in a variety of angles.

Yeah. Surely some paths are more likely than others, but we can choose any path to take. And each choice begets more branches ahead — some seen and some yet to be seen. At the core of this thinking is that Life is less about following some planned path, but instead suggests that each choice is contextual – to the environment, to one’s experience & to one’s knowledge.

Now.

I imagine if one lives a stagnant unmoving life the choices may be simpler and the events affecting the branches are fewer. Yet <just in case ‘stagnancy’ appeals to you as an ‘easier life choice’> stagnancy or ‘hiding from Life’ doesn’t guarantee shit.

Why?

Because as your path crosses with others – others who are also making choices –  as you cross the choices of strangers, family, friends, enemies, whomever, their choices affect our path. And their choices sometimes force choice where choice never resided before … or if we even wanted to make a choice at all.

The more people we meet, the more paths & branches crisscross, and cross again. It becomes a tangled confusion of so many choices and paths and interlinked branches it becomes easy to think of it all as chaos. Especially if you think of people and events as threads and not dots in a moment in time:

——

“There is a trail of existence that follows everyone, threads of life that people spin out and leave behind wherever they go.

Threads cross all the time.

Threads cross and cross again – time and place if in no other way – even when the people appear unaware of each other. No one pays attention to others around them unless the overlap happens again.

Sometimes, people miss each other only by a few seconds, yet they are connected.

Sometimes place is the reason for the overlap but time is not.

Sometimes the overlap is purposeful other times happenstance.

The threads are there, no matter.

Ah. When they glow, they are one destiny.” 

Inspector O <james Church book character>

——

It is not chaos, but, your life is affected by these ‘trails of existence’ — impacted by what was, is and what will be. As I type that it can become easy to think you have no control <or simply throw your hands up in the air in frustration>.

Well. While we certainly can be impacted by others or ‘things out of our control’ what remains in our control, always, is the choice. Our choice. The choice to do what we may with the circumstances at hand.

The choice remains with us.

The choice between duty and desire.

In addition.

In each tangled chaotic web of events, threads and paths, it is all bounded by the practical. The practical aspect of what you can actually do, and cannot do, within the choices you make. I am not speaking of dreaming the impossible <because dreaming is good>, but the actual reality of what can be done.

note: the ability to pragmatically assess what IS possible within a given context and what is not takes experience and an eye biased toward some pragmatism.

Oh.

Back to duty & desire.

There is where free will seems to reside. The choices made by duty & desire.

Yeah.

This all sounds chaotic and impossible to navigate. But think about this. Look to the past and it appears to be a neat set of choices made and not made. This is the power, and danger, of reflection.

It all appears like a schematic of choices made of duty … and those of desire. And encounters of events and people who forced us to make choices. We make it all look a little tidier than it was.

Oh shit. Wait a second.

Now.

I imagine if anyone were to look to the future it would simply appear to be sheer chaos. A snarled thread of paths and choices.

Relax.

This is where the original quote comes back to play — our destiny resides in our choices between duty and desire. Period. Sometimes the choice is black & white and often it resides in the gray. Unfortunately, regardless of its hue or shade or color, the choice will place us on a path toward our destiny.

In other words … a ragged diagonal path through Life.

Well.

This all may make us uncomfortable — all this choosing amongst the snarled threads of Life wondering if each choice is somehow easing its way down the ragged diagonal path toward a destiny we either actually seek or one we will be comfortable with in the end or one we cannot even envision yet.

Uncomfortable because we people like have to have an explanation that satisfies us.

And by having this attitude we run the risk of just not seeing it as it is … simply making choices in the moment between desire and duty.

Look.

I Know I am biased and have my own opinions on Life. Heck.

Many months ago in 2010 I wrote about the fact I love being “everywhere at once.”  It was in that piece where I closed my thoughts with: ‘Where do I want to be 10 years from now? Everywhere. All at once.’

Agree or disagree … but … it is a ragged diagonal path we live.

All of us.

I imagine if you define it simply as a shitload of choices made between duty and desire, the ragged aspect will not bother you as much because you are on a path toward a destiny that can be explained in the end — “I balanced duty & desire in my Life.”

Well. If that is measurement of how one made choices, or took control, of their destiny, I believe it would be a life lived well.

=================

“Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.”

—

Josephine Hart

=============

“There are only two ways to live your life.

One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

Albert Einstein

=============

Experience matters.

And I don’t mean some high falutin’ job or some responsibility given but rather mistake experience.

That said.

I like people who make mistakes.

I like people who have made mistakes.

I like people who have had some significant failures.

I like people who have tried doing a variety of shit and have a list of shit that just didn’t go so well <or as well as they had wanted>.

I like the people who realize you survive 99% of the time you go out and try something without holding back.

Everyone who has survived some failure or mistake comes out of that experience damaged in some way. Most times that ‘damage’ is found in expectations or, maybe better said, plans or ‘how I envisioned it would go’.

While it has been a long time for me I vaguely remember when I first jumped off the cliff professionally. I vaguely remember doing so with a plan and a planned path in mind.

Some people would call that “rationale for taking a professional action.”  

Well.

The plan and path went to shit fast.

But I adapted and got to where I wanted to go. I survived. But I survived with damage.

The first damage is related to ‘the rationale.’

You start questioning how smart you are or how insightful you may be with regard to business organizations and what matters. I mean … what the hell … you thought it out, weighed the options and chose a course. Only to end up face first in some mud puddle that was never in your rationale.

Your ‘rationale thinking’ gets nicked up a bit.

The second damage is related to a harsh understanding, and semi-surprising revelation, that business mirrors Life.

You tend to believe business is more orderly and less chaotic than Life in general. Business offers a solid construct and when viewing the organizational chart you can easily envision paths and plans and people. You quickly learn that organizational charts are the biggest lies in business. They look static, they look flat and they look solidly structured,. The truth is that they are constantly shifting, they are multi-dimensional and ‘structure’ actually means ‘power’ can reside not in the box towards the top but rather in some inane responsibility in some department you never even paid attention to.

But.

All the damage offers some benefits.

The scars actually strengthen an aspect of who and what you are.

The biggest benefit is that your “I will survive” mentality shifts from a belief & hope to proven truth.

Yeah.

That experience matters.

Once you know you can survive, Life becomes different particularly in the business world. When you first step into professional life most of us step carefully. We watch each step and recognize, more often than not, survival and success is more about a battle of attrition than it is actually doing something superior. And, yet, the longer we stay in that mode of behavior the more likely doing something, anything, starts taking on a larger & larger looming presence “doing that could ‘kill you.’

And maybe that is why I love damaged people.

They respect the danger, but do not fear the danger. They have met danger, been damaged, and understand that being damaged is not the same as being killed.

Damaged simply means “I have survived with some scars to show for it.”

Just as I would prefer picking up a sword which has some nicks rather than a new shiny unused one as I went into battle I prefer the nicked & used people to be on my teams as I go into the business battle.

And maybe the real reason is a little more philosophical <with a little humor attached>

In business, once damaged, you have a little more sense that it is not only a miracle you survived, but that it is a miracle anything good actually happens in an organization of any size.

That may sound slightly cynical, but I would suggest it is slightly pragmatic.

Success in business is almost like running through a series of double Dutch jump ropes.

A little good sense of timing, a little miracle or two, a little smart instinctual actions and smart experience driven maneuvering. And absolutely some damage.

To conclude.

I like my people a little damaged. They not only know how to survive but know they can, and will, survive moving forward and taking steps.

I like my people damaged. They tend to not mind, well, getting damaged and are willing to do some spectacular things along the way.

==============

“Sometimes you make choices in life and sometimes choices make you.”

Gayle Forman

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We need everyone to be data savvy.

We need everyone to use Slack.

We need everyone doing this thing

We need everyone to think this.

We need everyone to learn this.

Note: Everyone.

Its almost like business believes the secret to success resides in evenness.

Well. I reject evenness.

I believe the secret to success in business resides in unevenness, specifically, maximizing the natural unevenness in people, life and the marketplace.

Look.

At our core, our essence, we, humans, learn unevenly. We believe different things, like different things, do different things and will demand different things to maximize our potential.

This means evenness is average. The average of everyone.

This means the larger your organization the more average evenness makes you. Ok. Its not even average. Evenness will arc toward the lowest common denominator and in doing so you will, in your pursuit of Even, create inherent inequality – the haves and the have nots, the ones who do and the ones who don’t. this actually means that not only will your average will actually suck but that in your suckedness your ‘even’ will reside in a horribly skewed bell curve – tribes will emerge in a “high average” and a horde will reside in an “extremely low average”.

It has taken business a long time to figure out evenness, while appearing to be a good objective, is not exactly what everyone should be aspiring to. For a long time Evenness was defined as “standardization.” There was a relentless pursuit of replicable attitudes, behaviors & actions (& system/process) in order to make an organization focused on one specific objective – profitability. The problem was that in the standardization pursuit business began shedding what makes business, well, immortal – creativity, adaptability, resource agility, innovation. They became well oiled machines (with parts wearing down on a weekly basis) aimed at one objective at the expense of any other opportunistic objectives. Business, in love with evenness, began investing their future in MAINTAINING the evenness rather than seeking to improve upon what existed. To quote Drucker:

Ponder.

Best practices.

Scaling.

Values.

Employee engagement.

Even automation.

All are business concepts grounded in evenness. The smoother they are, the more linear they appear, the higher perceived value to a business leader.

Note: Don’t confuse this with efficiency (which is simply a byproduct).

Here is the problem with evenness (part 1).

Things grow unevenly which is actually a reflection of natural growth rather than some manufactured growth.

Brands should be grown unevenly.

Lives should be lived unevenly.

Learning should be encouraged to happen unevenly.

And, yes, business should be conducted unevenly.

Here is the problem with evenness (part 2).

Rough edges, the unevenness, represents not vulnerabilities, but rather velocity into opportunistic space.

Yeah. But. In reading this a bunch of business people are going to, well, freak out. Yeah. Bottom line. They will freak.

Chaos!

Inconsistency!

Ruins the culture!

Lack of alignment!

Unmanageable growth!

UNPLANNED growth!!

And then they will become maniacal control freaks. Business is trapped in the nice even edges found in some absurd concept of “continuous growth.” Business constantly wants to try and control how the growth connects to miscellaneous thoughts, emotions and information stored in the human brain (the human potential) and the process/systems (the structural potential).

I will remind everyone of one of my favorite quotes:

“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Look.

I am not suggesting NO consistency is good. It has to be proportionate to the context (not balanced). What I mean by that is consistency has to be restless. It actually has to be, uhm, uneven a bit. It cannot be foolish, but rather contextually smart to maximize efficacy (efficiency gained in replicable systems and effectiveness gained in opportunistic strategic emergent activity). It is as Toffler suggested in The Adaptive Corporation:

Successful business demands doing two things at the same time – execute for now and adapt for the future. It actually demands some consistent process (the things easily replicable) and inconsistent efforts (application of resources and people against opportunistic endeavours).

It is as what Toffler suggested, in 1985:

Business will always be the alchemy between consistent process and inconsistent opportunity, in other words, standardization and destandardization (or what Taleb called ‘the fragile and antifragile aspects of a business). That means business will always be uneven. Shit. I would even argue that ‘consistent process’ should only be ‘even’ for limited amounts of time. At their best they should be moveable lily pads of efficiency (solid structure) able to shift to support the best business opportunities.

In the end.

The allure of evenness is the Icarus of business. The moment you fly to close to evenness your business your wings will begin to melt and your business will no longer soar but rather drop. In reality, unevenness is the explanation for the physics of how Hummingbirds & bumblebees fly – they shouldn’t be able to but they do.

Ponder.

I reject evenness. I believe, if you embrace unevenness, your business can fly.

——

“There are many kinds of crime. I’ve always thought the most unforgivable is to have a gift and turn your back on it.”

=

Ruth Reichl

——-

I believe everyone has a gift. It may be big, may be small, may be somewhere in between, but everyone has some gift. That said. Here is what I think about having some talent and using it (or not using it).

We are truly a forgiving society.

Yes.

Quick to blame and chastise.

But. Just as quick to forgive <after bludgeoning you with some self-righteous indignation>. But society does not even have an opportunity to forgive you <or bludgeon you> with this particular crime because turning your back on a gift is actually an unseen crime <most of the time>.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

This means you can commit this crime and never be punished. Never be chastised. Oh. And never have the opportunity to be forgiven.

What I mean is that even if society does notice it may simply cast a glance at you wasting your gift and forgive you despite the fact you are actually cheating the world of your gift. This is the crime of missed opportunity (the world’s opportunity to gain from your gift). Let’s call this “ignorance is bliss.”

On the other hand.  Yourself? The unforgivable crime is really to oneself.

I could list all the reasons why someone ignores their gift, some may seem silly and some may seem realer than anything in Life, but ignoring is ignoring. Period.

Let me be clear.

Having a gift does NOT mean that Life is any easier. In fact it may make it tougher on occasion and you certainly would have to learn to say ‘fuck you’ to critics & doubters &, well, a shitload of people who do not have a discernible gift.

Hell.

You even have to say ‘fuck you’ to even people who recognize you have a gift. I will say that having a gift can be construed as a burden because it comes with some pressure. Oddly I wrote about this burden & pressure aspect awhile back citing Andy Roddick of all people.

But.

The list of ‘why we ignore‘ doesn’t matter.

Good reasons or bad reasons it is a crime to turn your back on your gift.

I am so unequivocal on this because while I do believe all of us have something to offer and all of us can contribute in some form or fashion in the world, not everyone has the same gift.

Sorry to tell people that.

Some of us schmucks just muddle thru Life doing the best we can with what we have. We have no real gift that impacts beyond a very small impact or have some spectacular talent other than maybe being able to survive the grind successfully with character & a good moral compass <which ain’t bad by the way>.

But if you are one of the happy few who do have a gift that CAN make a larger impact you can’t simply say “uhm, I would like to return this gift” … shit … you cannot even regift it.

Once you have a gift it is a non transferable non returnable gift exclusive to you.

Do not use? It never gets used. Once again. This may sound sad, even disappointing, it is neither, it is an unforgivable crime.

Ok. But why do most people ignore their gift? I imagine is really is not fear, it is simply about waiting until it is too late.

It’s kind of crazy, isn’t it?

We have a habit of believing a future moment will end up being more important than the present. We simply keep holding off for some better time or moment we are sure <see: imagine> will be better to display the gift we have.

—

“Most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one.  But then you miss your whole life, which is never not now.”

Eckhart Tolle

—

Anyway. Whether it is natural to wait for a better moment, or some ‘more important time to step up in the future‘, suffice it to say that not using a gift you have in the here & now — this special talent given to you and only you — is not a waste. You are simply committing a crime in the here & now.

And that crime is truly unforgivable if you know you have this gift and simply ignore it.

Shit.

Just think about what I have written a little.

If you truly have a gift, a gift you are fairly sure can contribute to a greater good in some way, ignore all the reasons to not use your gift.

Ignore all the reasons to not foster your gift.

And be the best you can be. Why? Because while it is a crime to deprive the world of the potential your gift may offer it the biggest crime is to yourself – you will not maximize who & what you could be. Now THAT is a crime.

—————

“And the nights, bigger than imagining: black and gusty and enormous, disordered and wild with stars.”

—–

Donna Tartt 

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“This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang but a whimper.”

―

T.S. Eliot

==========

Well. Despite the fact most nights remain the same amount of hours, minutes and seconds day to day, a sleepless night can often look bigger than imagined. I have found that sleepless nights are less about restless minds and more about capacity in a squeezed space.

Huh?

Let me tackle squeezed first.

In general the world is a pretty vast place and our lives can seem fairly inconsequential.

The good news about this is that within all that vastness there is a lot of room to let some of the more horrible or horribly mundane crap just slip by.

The bad news occurs when all of a sudden Life, and the world, shrinks and you feel squeezed. And this can happen a lot easier than one may think.

Ponder what I am going to say as “the big squeeze.”

Everyday everyone faces some naturally occurring ‘shrinking’ aspects which in and of themselves can’t shrink your Life enough to matter. Let’s just say this is the daily grind of work, chores and family & Life commitments. Some things go well and some things don’t.

And then, of course, there will be a day or two where the things that “don’t” significantly outnumber the things that “do.” because this is day to day shit I view this as getting squeezed from the sides. They kind of suffocate you a little.

But set that aside for a moment.

And then there will be some days where you have that ad hoc shit you have to plan to get done — the faucet is dripping, the car engine light is on, someone hit the mailbox, crap like that. 95% of the time this kind of shit never goes as planned. It takes too long or it doesn’t get done right the first time or … well … suffice it to say … the easy stuff never gets done as easily as you would want.

And then, of course, there will be a day or two where the things that never get done as easily as you want actually end up just not going right. This is stupid little shit … but maybe think about it as maybe getting squeezed from underneath – an unexpected aggravating shift on the ground below you.

But set that aside for a moment.

And then there will be some days where you turn on the TV or maybe scan the internet news breaks and … well … some shit has hit the fan. Your country has made some monumental decision that seems to shift its place in the world.

Some nutjob terrorist has committed some heinous act to innocent people.

Some “thing” happens that feel like a shift in the bedrock of ‘what is.’ It may not directly affect you but you sense that it is a monumental thing which will most likely affect you <even though you aren’t sure how yet>. This is big shit … this just makes you feel a little like the weight of the world has gotten a little heavier and the world as you have known it has become a little murkier. You are getting squeezed from above.

But set that aside for a moment.

Now. I will now get to capacity.

Let’s assume on one day all there of things happen … you get squeezed all on one day. Oddly, this becomes a test of your capacity <which implies largeness>. And, yes, maybe it is about largeness. As in how large you can remain as you get squeezed.

Some nights it isn’t easy to not get suffocated.

Other nights you find your capacity and push back a little.

Most nights you find just enough largeness to not get, well, too little.

But the nights in which all three aspects I outlined squeezed you I would suggest the word ‘forlorn’ comes to mind. 

====================

“Oft hope is born when all is forlorn.”

J.R.R. Tolkien

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I use forlorn because I associate it with capacity as I am discussing it today. Forlorn has a sense of shrinking to it in that the good in Life seems to shrink and that which is bad seems to grow and you are left with that wretched forlorn feeling which dogs you throughout a sleepless night. Forlorn seems like it is more appropriate than lonely or lonesome in that it specifically embraces a senses of wretchedness and desertion or abandonment … in my mind … ‘despairing of the arrival of a friend … in this case … a friend called Hope.”

To me all of what I just shared with regard to squeezing and capacity captures the essence of the worst of the worst sleepless nights. And, if I were a betting man, I would bet we have all had a few of these.

Ok. Here is what I know.

Most of us get through these nights. Despite the vast emptiness of a night, more vast than we imagined it should be, we cast about among the chaos of the stars and find some light. I like to think of it as we clamber through the clouds and exist.

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“I will clamber through the clouds and exist.”

John Keats

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And the outcome of most of these nights, in addition to being tired, is out of the gauntlet of forlornness we seem to come out with a degree of hope. Hope for a better day <at minimum> and maybe Hope for something better <at maximum>.

In other words, out of the bigness which seems to squeeze us, if but for a moment, we rummage through a sleepless night … one black and gusty and enormous, disordered and wild with stars … and come out a little less black, a little more calm, a little more ordered and a little more focused on some star.