===============

“You cannot live without establishing an equilibrium between the inner and outer.”

—–

Paul Auster

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“I used to think of you that way, you know. Like the sun. My own personal sun. You balanced out the clouds nicely for me.”

He sighed.

“The clouds I can handle. But I can’t fight with an eclipse.”

–

Jacob

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“The idea that talent is directly proportional to your trophy cabinet is one I oppose.”

—-

Alex Turner

==================

Ok. I have been extremely consistent over the years with regard to my belief that I think balance is the key to almost any successful endeavor – in life & in business.

Suffice it to say I am a big balance person. And, yet, the other day during a business discussion it occurred to me that I may not be using the right word or even have the concept correct.

I may actually be a ‘proportional’ advocate.

Let me explain. Business, more often than not, is about assessing the correct proportional value of a topic, fact or idea and assigning the correct proportional response to that value.

Sure. That may inevitably arrive at something we could call “a balanced response”, but to get to the so-called balance we need to think about proportions.

I imagine, in my head, this means we need to stop viewing things as a zero sum balance, but rather as proportional to the situation in hand.

Now. I did some research and back in 1975 a guy named Piaget described the essential characteristic of proportional reasoning as it must involve a “relationship between two relationships.” I am not really sure what that means, but I am guessing it means that proportional assumes some dimensional aspects while balance is simply a relationship between two more concrete/discrete things.

He also suggested that proportional involves something called “additive reasoning” which, to me, explained my misrepresentation of balance.

Balance suggests an either/or trade off — something like teetering on a balance beam.

Proportional suggests a more spatial trade off or, maybe, ratio based trade off. What I mean by that is I can add one thing as part of a compromise and its true value is a zillion and give up one thing as part of the same compromise and its true value is 1/10^th of a zillion (despite the fact their actual costs may be different).

I balanced my response, but gained a proportional advantage.

There is even something called ‘the constant of proportionality’, but that becomes too complicated for my pea like brain so I will let you google it and see if you can explain it.

I imagine my real point is that most of us, most likely, are proportional thinkers and not balance thinkers <although we say we are balanced>.

More often than not we invariably assess things through assimilation and the synthesis of multiple things <numbers, ratios, tangible, intangible, and … yes … even missing information & components>. Our decisions are a messy mix of analyzing a series of unequal and equal things shaping them into the proper proportions to make a, well, proportional response. This can all make sense but it doesn’t really make it any easier for us. its not easier because balance is easier to assess and judge, balance is almost always associated with ‘fair’ while proportional often looks like something won & something lost and balance gets confused with linear zero sum game decision making.

All that said. Here was the bigger epiphany to me on why we should explore the more difficult pat of proportional thinking.

While balanced may seem like a simple improper term the truth is the more one focuses on balance the higher the likelihood I would actually end up doing the wrong things.

Huh? If you focus on balance you will inevitably try and force equality in all things. That may sound good, but it ain’t really reality. Simplistically it means you are focused on the wrong outcome & objective.

Instead, if you focus on the best proportional response to every situation, you may not end up with a one-to-one balanced relationship on any one comparison you review <which creates issues in its own right>, but you will end up with a balanced relationship on any given series of comparisons.

That last paragraph may actually showcase why most people focus on balance. In a simplistic measurement business world we are almost always demanded to show one-to-one or linear explanations.

Balance does that.

Proportion does not.

This means to embrace being proportional means you will have to accept the burden of explaining the more difficult to explain, to showcase asymmetrical as actually being simple and dimensional can actually reflect symmetry. Nothing in what I just shared in that last paragraph is easy. Particularly in today’s business world.

============

“Divide the target in proportion to the available resources”
―

Sunday Adelaja

==========

All I really know is that, whether I like it or not, I am actually a proportion person and not a balance person. It only took me over 25 years in business to figure that out <no one has ever suggested I am a quick learner>.

Think about it. You may actually be a proportional person too. More importantly, maybe you should be.

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“Whenever you take an action, decide by both your brain and heart in equal proportions. Balance them as far as possible.”
―

Bikash Bhandari

============

============

“We’re in a time of rapidly expanding insights about human motivation and connection, but meanwhile our companies continue to be run with a perspective on human psychology and sociology circa 1970.”

Stowe Boyd

=================

My quick response to the “No Boss, no Thanks” piece. I believe there is some misguided thinking (central authority is necessary, buck stops somewhere dependent upon one person, democratic decision making is inefficient/slow), but it was this particular part that galled me:

“Third, while technological miracles such as the internet, cheap and reliable wireless communication, Moore’s law, miniaturisation and information markets have induced sweeping changes in manufacturing, retail, transportation and communication, the laws of economics are still the laws of economics. And human nature hasn’t changed. The basic problem of management and business – how to assemble, organise and motivate groups of people and resources to produce goods and services that consumers want – is still the same. Since the industrial revolution, entrepreneurs have been organising extremely complex activities in firms that are neither completely centralised nor completely flat. Imagine the complexity involved in operating a national railroad, a steel mill or an automobile assembly plant in the 19th and early 20th centuries. These were all ‘knowledge-based activities’ and were conducted in teams organised in various structures. Are things so different today?”

First.

Yes. Things are ‘so different’. The uthors have completely missed what is the same and what is different about today’s business. I would suggest they read my piece, Distribution Revolution,  on what I believe is functionally the same and it also outlines what I believe is different.

Second.

I would highly recommend the authors pick up a copy of Toffler Future Shock, Third Wave and even Powershift, if they have the time, because they would find the answer to “are things so different today?” in books written in 1970 & 1980 if they cared to look. In fact. Part of my whole aggravation with this article is I feel like we have been debating the same ideas Toffler offered us since 1970.

Anyway.

If you ignore everything else I write, pay attention to this. Maximizing people’s potential doesn’t mean doing away with managers; it just means you maximize the potential of people AS managers. I am not naïve enough to believe we will do away with titles and experience based ‘management’. But. People are managers and managers are people. Period.

Anyway.

Let me use some Toffler to point out where the authors of the article went wrong.

context: accelerated world

Solving business challenges can be complicated, but business itself is complex (& always has been). Business people cannot afford to confuse complicated and complex. Now. What technology did is accelerate the complexity. The business atoms were placed into a supercollider. In fact, it accelerated business dynamics beyond the structure of a hierarchy or even centralized “buck stops somewhere” managers. That said. I think we confuse speed and acceleration all the time to the detriment of organizational design and behavior. Organizational design almost seems to inherently have a desire to decelerate to permit some sense of “its okay, you can feel comfortable with the speed of business” where I think we would be better off addressing the larger issue Toffler outlined: overstimulation. Acceleration tests our attention, cognitive skills and ability to discern what is important and what is not – which is actually a ‘speed’ versus velocity discussion. The article, by suggesting the basic business world is the same, ignores that, in a grander context, it is not. In fact, the article is incredibly misguided because it would appear to encourage insular cocooning rather than suggesting the challenge is to fully engage & manage overstimulation. I am not suggesting acceleration & overstimulation is not an issue, but I will suggest it is a reality and hierarchies (centralizing overstimulation) is not the way to increase the likelihood of business success. If I were to choose one aspect I wish organizational psychology would address, this is it.

Which leads me to connectedness.

everything is connected with everything

When I read simplistic tripe like “The basic problem of management and business – how to assemble, organise and motivate groups of people and resources to produce goods and services that consumers want” I can understand how hierarchies have been so resilient to a better way of doing things. In the past it was arranging lego blocks, now it is arranging molecules. Toffler discussed this in a variety of ways, but the most interesting was “porous organizations” in which teams assembled, and reassembled, in order to meet specific challenges. He outlined this in 1970. Nowhere in that concept did he discuss no bosses, but he did suggest in 1990 (Powershift) that the biggest challenge to this idea would be power. The new business normal faces two dynamics: power & interconnectedness. Needless to say, they are connected.

Which leads me to connecting.

the world as a merry go round

We seem to ‘design’ organizations on the playground then demand it to jump on the merry go round. Or, worse, leave it on the playground and suggest business is about plucking opportunities as they spin ‘round the merry go round. The best organizations will jump on the merry go round with the resources they have on hand and meet the demands of the business. The truth is the centrifugal force of the accelerated merry go round demands different configurations at different times. This will demand a variety of ‘bosses’ (albeit I dislike that word). Management is contextual. Unless you happen to have a Swiss army knife person (they exist but are fewer than most businesses have) this means everyone will lead & manage at some point. If the authors don’t understand this I fear they don’t understand today’s business world.

Which leads me to untidiness.

discomfort with untidiness

Businesses inherently love tidiness and hate untidiness. They associate predictability & certainty with being tidy and inefficiency & failures/mistakes with untidiness. Unfortunately, for business, mediocrity (or even slippery slope to irrelevance) resides in tidiness and spectacular success resides in untidiness.

While we like to think of organizations as a ship sailing into a tumultuous sea it is actually a fleet of smaller ships being pushed & shoved by tides and waves through storm & calm all trying to go in one direction together <without crashing into each other>. Each smaller ship has a captain and a crew <often skilled in managing that particular ship if needed>.

The ‘No Boss’ authors seem to associate ‘building a dynamic organization’ or even ‘motivating employees’ by inevitably suggesting one big ship making progress in some direction (although they give a head nod to a matrix organization). If you don’t like that metaphor just accept this: the “No Boss” authors seek tidiness. They are wrong.

I say all that because you invariably need to grow your business unevenly. Yup. Sorry. A business isn’t, probably shouldn’t be and most likely cannot be <and be successful> ‘even.’ Or smooth. Or without any ragged edges. It needs to be grown unevenly <which is actually a natural growth rather than some manufactured growth>.

“Sureness will always elude you.

The detective will always circle around what he wants, never seeing it whole. We do not go on despite this. We go on because of it.”

—–

Claire DeWitt

Which leads me to freedom.

discomfort with freedom

Business, for decades & thru hierarchy, has always been built around selective freedoms – maybe ‘controlled freedom.’ Business people, in general, are much more comfortable building stop signs than they are highways.  Toffler spent almost an entire book outlining how technology will create a freedom ‘shock’ (Future Shock) and an entire book on the shock to the power structures (Powershift).

“No Boss” reflects a fear of freedom & loss of power. Period.

Which leads me to belief.

belief.

Unfettered freedom CAN lead to chaos. So we come up with a number of behavioral & motivational tricks to attach to versions & steps to implement aspects of distributed leadership mostly because we ignore what we know about individual behavior and we have a healthy skepticism toward managers & management in general.

Gamification, carrots & sticks, incentives, milestones are all derivatives of hierarchy thinking trying to adapt to a relentlessly uncertain world. They are attempts to build in some certainty. Yet. Behaviorally we know the most powerful motivation has nothing to do with ‘defeating’ a system/objective/goal, but rather it’s about ‘belief.’ Defeating is someone wins, someone loses. Belief is like hope. It draws people toward it.

That said. It’s a twofold belief challenge.

Business owners, managers as such, need to believe in people. They need to believe if given the opportunity to make choices, do the right things, the arc of people behavior (driven by intentions) will bend toward productivity & profitability. Note. This means business community needs to embrace a lack of output smoothness (a perception & reality challenge in & of itself).

========

“I don’t exactly know what I mean by that, but I mean it.”

The Catcher in the Rye

=============

As a corollary. People need to believe in people (themselves). While we may innately know we can make decisions, assume responsibility & do the right things, the business world has not encouraged people to think that way. In fact. It has often penalized us for thinking that way. Many people almost don’t believe they should have responsibility or that they will not benefit by doing the right things. If we can align belief, than construct, as it currently exists, falls apart naturally (as not conducive to the belief) & people will inherently access their potential because barriers to believing they have that potential are stripped away.

Yes. Some of the ‘tricks’ may be useful but looking at the gobs of absurd articles & books with regard to organizational psychology it appears we have missed they are all means to an end and maybe we should seek to identify the end and encourage managers and people to believe in the power of belief.

I ended with Belief because at the core of “No Boss” is a belief that control, in some dimension, is necessary. I wrote in my “Purpose of Business is to benefit People” piece   that this is a reflection of not believing in people. I don’t blame the authors here because, well, there are a shitload of business thought leaders who not only do not believe in people but don’t believe “belief” is enough to guide people.

In the end.

The “No Boss” article is exactly what I hear from 50somethings holding onto the existing business construct with ragged claws.

Self-governing organizations are nothing new, even the Greeks were big fans, and Toffler began the vague outlines of how technology would widen the cracks in what we already knew – hierarchies were standardization models and people, and business, tend to thrive when non standardized. All that said. “No Boss, No Thanks” is tripe. Business drivel. Stowe Boyd called it “misunderstanding the nature of management” ; I call it just another example of fear of freedom couched in some poisoned fortune cookie wisdom. It ignores the most basic principles laid out in Toffler’s Future Shock & Third Wave that business normal was being shaken like an etch a sketch. And, in particular, it ignores Toffler’s third book, Powershift, by thinking power will always reside within some aspect of centralization & centralized thinking. It will not. They confuse centralized thinking with coalesced thinking. Centralized is inside out and coalesced is outside in where it is a reflection of, as Stowe suggests, ‘everyone is management.’

I’m certainly not as smart & insightful as Alvin Toffler, or Stowe Boyd, but even I know this “No Boss” article reflects not only a misunderstanding of distributed leadership but, more concerning, a misunderstanding of ‘business normal’ as it exists today.

Postscript:

I encourage everyone to revisit the Toffler trilogy. He shares a number of interesting thoughts:

• The Electronic Cottage: where remote work force becomes integral part of organizations
• The New Worker: where responsibilities become agile & diverse

———

“Maybe who we are isn’t so much about what we do, but rather what we’re capable of when we least expect it.”

Jodi Picoult

———-

“After all, our lives are but a sequence of accidents – a clanking chain of chance events. A string of choices, casual or deliberate, which add up to that one big calamity we call life.”

Rohinton Mistry

———-

So, I tend to believe we measure ourselves by what we expect of ourselves when … well … we have expectations of ourselves.

But.

If this big ‘calamity we call Life’ is simply a sequence of accidents … a chain of chance events … maybe we should be measuring ourselves by what we are capable of when we least expect it.

I feel confident suggesting this because most of us are capable of a shitload.

Yet. Most of us give ourselves a shitload of criticism for not meeting expectations when we expect to do something.

Yet. Most of life is a shitload of unexpected things.

It would be nice if Life acted upon the same principle as the programming technology industry: the principle of least astonishment. In other words, if some key technology feature has a high astonishment factor <the surprise factor> they immediately conclude it may be necessary to redesign the feature. The design should match the user’s experience, expectations, and mental models <in other words … surprises are bad>.

Well. Unfortunately Life doesn’t work that way.

And neither do we. Life astonishes us on a fairly consistent basis and we astonish ourselves on a far equal amount of the time.
Least expected typically refers to something that is the least likely <or most unlikely> to happen. And yet what we do, what we are capable of, in these least expected moments are actually the least unexpected. Because least unexpected refers to something that is the least unlikely <or most likely> to happen and, yet, it is incredibly likely we are more than capable.

In our heads, and often in our words, unlikely or unexpected get jumbled up with least likely and least expected and in all the jumbledness the result ends up as, well, actually the least unexpected.

<don’t worry … my head started getting confused & hurting when I wrote that>

I would suggest that what we are capable of when we least expect it is typically pretty frickin’ amazing.

In the unplanned calamity of Life we make choices … and in a least unexpected way we do pretty fucking well. Remember this:

———

“Adventures do occur, but not punctually.”

E.M. Forster

———

Life is not punctual. Nor is Life planned ahead of time.

Life is often one big calamity. The only thing we can expect of Life is the unexpected.

The least unexpected thing? What we are capable of.  Who we are is not just defined by what we do <in general>, but rather what we do in the unexpected calamity of Life. The choices we make in the unexpected chain of moments that make up most of Life. To paraphrase Chekov:

Any idiot can ‘do’ in the expected moments.

The measure of a person is truly found in what you do in the unexpected moments.

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“Your opportunity is going to come whenever it comes.

You have to take advantage of it when it does.”

—

Mike Darnold

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    “But, my dear, how long will you wait for something that will never come?”

—

(via saudi-barbie)

=====

So. Opportunities. ok. Opportunities and blinking.

Yeah. What happens if you blink at the wrong time in Life?

Well. Life, in general, doesn’t permit blinking. Okay. It is relentlessly unforgiving if you blink at the wrong time.

Simplistically, Life happens … even if you are not paying attention. Shit. Life happens even if you ARE paying attention and you blink.

Sigh.

Sadly … far too often we blink at just the wrong moment.

Sometimes it is because we … well … just have other shit to do.

Sometimes it is because we … well … we are just a dumbass

Sometimes it is because … well … that is just reality <sometimes>.

And, sometimes, well, it doesn’t really matter.

Doesn’t matter? Opportunities are like pebbles. If you throw a pebble into a pond, you have no way of predicting exact way the ripples will ripple <unless you are some mathematics professor at Harvard where you could probably extrapolate it … uhm … but the window of opportunity would most likely close anyway before you figured it out>. Ripples depend on how you drop, or throw, or skip the pebble. Shit. Ripples depend on if some other asshole drops a pebble, stone or clod of mud in the frickin’ pond.

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“How can I begin anything new with all of yesterday in me?”

Leonard Cohen

======

That said.

Not all blinks are created equal. Some blinks are … well … blinks. You just cannot keep your eyes open all the time.

And then there are hesitation blinks. The ones created by the ‘all of yesterday in me.’ Sometimes we blink because the present is a pretty cluttered moment for everyone. Maximizing your present, the “now”, is hard. Fucking hard. Anyone who suggests it is easy or ‘you should try and do it more’ is fucking crazy.

All that clutter can make us blink. And sometimes, yes, it makes us blink at exactly the wrong time.

Wrong time? Not only is ‘the present’ small, but windows of opportunity within ‘the present’ can open and close pretty fucking fast. And all of that just gets even smaller when squeezed by past and future.

Then you start trying to cram in all the tangible shit you need to do <as well as the things you don’t really need to do but have convinced yourself it is ‘need’>.

Holy shit. Then. Yeah. You blink. Shit. The ‘present’ has completely disappeared.

While it makes my head hurt just typing this there is a reason I bring it up.

While I have written ad nausea about managing time in general and how we focus on the wrong shit <spending more time making lists than actually doing shit> I would suggest that if you want to manage your time more effectively you need to get your head out of the ‘past & future’ head game the best you can.

If you do that effectively than you have effectively maximized your present time the best you can.

In blinking terms this means you have narrowed your blinks to natural blinking versus hesitation blinking. This type of decision on your part really can make a difference. Moments, ‘things’, feelings, opportunities, the possibilities die fast – like in the blink of an eye. In a blink of an eye what was possible simply disappears and is no longer possible.

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“In the blink of an eye, what was possible is possible no longer.”

Nelika McDonald

===

You blink and what was possible is no longer even in view.

You blink and all the plans you had mapped out get crumpled up.

Blinking insures you either grasp the concept of adaptability or you will inevitably grasp only disappointment an discouragement.

Yeah. It’s nice to have plans, and even recommended in most situations, but when a plan doesn’t happen, you have to be able to think on your feet, and change courses if necessary. Life doesn’t always cooperate with what you wanted to do, so you have to be prepared. We all know that if you aren’t paying attention to your own life, you are gonna miss some important things. Life does what it does whether you want it to or not.

Regardless. It can seem fairly overwhelming if you dwell on a belief that every minute that passes is a minute that you will never get back or every opportunity you miss is an opportunity you will never get back.

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“We don’t always get the luxury of having closure.

Sometimes things just end. There’s not always a rhyme or reason for why they do, they just do.”

Ashleigh Catibog-Abraham

==========

But that means you have to find some peace in blinking.

You need to find some peace in the fact that some opportunities are just missed.

You need to find peace in those the moments where you had got it right for yourself and not for anyone else <even if you did blink>.

Life is complex as it is.

Far too often we speak of opportunities in some simplistic fashion … and mostly from an individualistic point of view. Therein lies the foundation of opportunities & complexity.

We live in a world of collaboration and anything but individual decision making.

Simplicity is being demanded by the whole and implemented by the parts. And aligning attitudes and desires is difficult. And so is insuring aligning in strengths in today’s idealistic view of collaboration.

Maybe that is where simplicity faces its most difficult contradiction – facing the conflict in aligning making bigness small <in vision for the whole> and capturing the importance, and bigness, of the small.

===============

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.”

Steve Maraboli

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Huh? Well.

Simplistically <which is dangerous on this topic> opportunities truly are like windows. They open and close. When defined that simply it is nice and tight and makes something big smaller and more easily grasped. But these less-than-simple windows are actually representative of something that looks more like a bow tie or an hourglass on its side.

Lots of complex things and thoughts funneling into this nice tight little window and should you step through the window of opportunity … well … the vista of what could be, can be and will be widens to some pretty extraordinarily complex aspects.

In the end.

Maybe that is my bigger point about blinking and opportunities.

That window is always there.

That window opens and closes all the time.

That complex experience and stuff is always happening.

That complex vista beyond the window is always there and changing.

Oh.

Whether you blink or not.

Control what you can.

Accept what you cannot control.

Don’t blink because of hesitation.

And accept that, well, you have to blink sometime and you will miss something when you do.

==============================

“Anyway, I wanted to end this on a hopeful, positive note, but, seeing as how my sense of hope and positivity is still shrouded in a thick layer of feeling like hope and positivity are bullshit.

I’ll just say this: Nobody can guarantee that it’s going to be okay, but — and I don’t know if this will be comforting to anyone else — the possibility exists that there’s a piece of corn on a floor somewhere that will make you just as confused about why you are laughing as you have ever been about why you are depressed.

And even if everything still seems like hopeless bullshit, maybe it’s just pointless bullshit or weird bullshit or possibly not even bullshit.

I don’t know.

But when you’re concerned that the miserable, boring wasteland in front of you might stretch all the way into forever, not knowing feels strangely hope-like.”

—-

Allie Brosh

==================

“Like most misery, it started with apparent happiness.”

―

Markus Zusak

======================

“But my experiences slowly flattened and blended together until it became obvious that there’s a huge difference between not giving a fuck and not being able to give a fuck.

Cognitively, you might know that different things are happening to you, but they don’t feel very different.”

Allie Brosh

==================

 I do not suffer from depression. Therefore it is extremely difficult for me to put myself in the shoes of someone who does.

However.

In reading some of the words written by people about depression <like the ones above> aspects of it sounds an awful lot like people who do not suffer from depression, but do suffer from a lack of enjoyment with Life in general.

Suffering from a lack of enjoyment in Life? Wow. Isn’t enjoyment as natural as breathing?

Well. Maybe … but sometimes we forget to breathe.

Regardless. When you stop enjoying things in Life <which, by the way, suggests you used to enjoy things or something and are now easing into some wasteland of maybe not misery but … well … nothingness>, or ‘anything’ I imagine, then you start seeking enjoyment anywhere you can. In fact to find some enjoyment in this wasteland we become pretty creative in some fairly absurd ways.

We sift thru the sand of the wasteland and embrace some shiny grains and try to make them bigger than they are in the attempt to suggest ‘wow … there is enjoyment.’ It is our brave attempt to breathe some Life into our enjoyment.
Unfortunately, if we viewed that little thing without those absurd rose colored glasses, it could be truly look like … well … nothing.

Now.

Lack of enjoyment in Life is nothing like lack of enjoyment in an experience. An experience has the luxury of finiteness.  The clear beginning and end permits us to assess and enjoy with some reflection. On the other hand, Life can very easily take on the characteristics of infinite. Life can become an endless array of to-do’s, tasks, work assignments, responsibilities and whatever else pops up in the everyday life of what happens.

This gets compounded by the additional random unforeseen stuff that inevitably gets layered on top of what you expected and planned for.

To be clear. I am not talking about depression. And I am not talking about something called ‘anhedonia’ which is one of the main symptoms of major depressive disorder <it is the loss of interest in previously rewarding or enjoyable activities … people suffering from clinical depression lose interest in hobbies, friends, work–even food and sex>. I am also not talking about actual boredom or a even some sense of frustration, irritation or despair <often associated with depression> with Life.

I tend to believe I am just talking about numbness. Or maybe it’s a version of not being able to notice the forest for the trees. But what I do know is that you just don’t know if Life is simply an amalgamation of hopeless bullshit, maybe it’s just pointless bullshit or weird bullshit or possibly not even bullshit.

All you really know is that you aren’t really enjoying the wasteland of ongoing ‘same ole same ole.’ It isn’t really like you have no hope that it will get better or that you have no hope at all — it just seems empty of hope at the moment and is just not a hopeful existence.

Well. If you reread that last sentence, like I just did, it is difficult to find where enjoyment enters into that person’s life. And, yet, we all pretty much know that happiness, and enjoyment, exists in 99% of people’s lives. My proof? As I noted earlier … even if you aren’t enjoying Life you scrounge around in some minuscule moments & experiences and raise them up high as enjoyment.

But enjoyment really shouldn’t be that hard.

Life, while hard, gives us a shitload of opportunities for enjoyment.

Unfortunately, the brain is complicated when it comes to enjoyment.

Shit.

The brain is complicated in general. But when it comes to pleasure & enjoyment the brain incorporates two paths – the nucleus accumbens <deep inside the “primitive brain”> and the prefrontal cortex <the thin outer layer of the brain behind the forehead>. Studies suggest it is likely that nerve impulses, let’s call them the ‘feel good signals,’ travel in both directions to stimulate a sense of enjoyment, reward and motivation. Studies also show that the longer the brain sustains the signals the stronger the enjoyment.

I share that because I think some people just get so numb in their rush from one thing to the next and the grind of day to day life that they don’t even let the ‘feel good signals’ have a chance to kick in within the brain.

What a shame.

It’s a shame because this is not depression it is simply lack of awareness and a lack of effort, with some good reasons for the ‘lack’, to see what is really going on around you and in your Life.

Enjoyment  is available to everyone if you just look hard enough. It is certainly within you. Within your heart and within your brain. You just have to be open to it as well as … open up to it.

And if you do? Everything in the world opens up to the possibility of enjoyment. Everything in the world is full, more full than you may think, to the possibility of enjoyment.

And the best?

It means you no longer desperately grasp needlessly for enjoyment.

I am certainly not suggesting that happiness or enjoyment is, or should be, our purpose in Life. I tend to believe the highest order of enjoyment comes when attached to a Life served usefully.

Regardless. Everyone deserves to enjoy Life.

Enjoyment is as natural to us as breathing.

But.

Well.

Maybe sometimes you need to remember to breathe.

=====================

originally posted September 2016

===========

“I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read and all the friends I want to see.”

—-

John Burroughs

==============

Well. I originally wrote this at the end of 2016 for 2017 and when rereading I said “Holy Shit!” <to myself> I want to say the same thing heading into 2018 <and now 2019!!>. So I am. I have gone back through and made some slight revisions but the thought still remains the same <2017 was almost as shitty a year as 2016>.

It seems at the end of every year I have written something about predictions for the upcoming year <some right and some wrong>. But this year it is about attitude and only about attitude for 2017 2018 2019.

Why? It would be incredibly easy to say 2016 2017 2018 sucked.

………. 2106 … and … 2017 ….and …. 2018 ……

I don’t care if you made gobs of money or got married or had some unfathomably awesome experience … you only had to look around you and see that pretty much everyone but you <and some nutjobs who still believe Trump is a smart businessman, smarter than the rest of us & authentic> had a shitty year.

Trump being elected president was only the bacteria ridden cherry on top of the melted sundae made with a scoop of your least favorite ice cream.

But back in July I said, unequivocally, I did not want to cancel 2016 <and I listed all the reasons why I would not>  and just because some asshat was elected became president with the most powerful position in the world since then, a bunch of people passed away that seemed like it was too soon and there were a variety of misguided deeds and words randomly dispersed around the world, nothing has changed my mind. I did not want to cancel 2016 or even 2107 or even 2018.

And, maybe more importantly & relevant to how I view 2017 2018 2019, I do not believe because this year was shitty <and it was> that next year will be worse <although I was wrong about 2017 & 2018 which were just different versions of shitty>. Frankly, I don’t think it is healthy to fill your face book page or Instagram or even the coffee room in the office with all the negative perspective bullshit <or if you are a pseudo intellectual … be a nihilist>.

I will not unfollow anyone nor will I ‘de-friend’ anyone nor will I even stop talking with the doomsayers, in fact, I will take them on. I will not try and convert anyone to optimism but I certainly will lay out some pragmatic practical possibilities of what could be which do not suggest a shittier 2017  2018 2019 than 2016 2017 2018, but rather how each year is simply another year as a ‘work-in-progress.’

My view is always progress is progress and movement is good. Sometimes you step up. Sometimes you step back. Sometimes you step out of the way. But at all times you are moving and not stagnant.

No.

I am not out of touch.

No.

I am not an optimist nor am I even optimistic <overall>.

Yes.

I read the news and watch far too many of the alternative universe spouting news channels.

Yes.

I live in the real world where bills can sometimes be tough to pay and friends lose jobs and die.

Yes.

I can certainly get discouraged on occasion and can get concerned about genuinely threatening things.

Yes.

I get a little nervous about the safety, security and direction of a nation I love.

Yes.

I am human and not out of touch.

No.

I do not think we are doomed or Armageddon is upon us.

In some ways I am the Sisyphus of pragmatic idealism <let some philosopher try and tease out the contradictory truth in that>. In The Myth of Sisyphus we view a man’s futile search for meaning, unity, and clarity in the face of an unintelligible world devoid of God and eternal truths or values and, yet, it is suggested we should never quit in the face of seeming futility but rather “no, it requires revolt.”

That said. I am fairly sure it is within the final chapter we view the situation of Sisyphus, the guy in Greek mythology who was condemned to repeat forever the same meaningless task of pushing a boulder up a mountain, only to see it roll down again. It is here in which far too often we ignore the conclusion:“The struggle itself … is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”

============

“I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain. One always finds one’s burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night-filled mountain, in itself, forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”

Albert Camus

=======

Many people just do not want to get out of bed in the morning. I am not one of those people <and, I admit, there are times I don’t understand the people who do not want to get up and get doing>. In my head it can be just as hard for those of us who always keep going as it is for those who find it hard to get going.

‘Hard’ is hard in my book.

Sure. There are days when I find myself trudging along stubbornly rather than bounding along battling. but no matter what I just cannot envision any alternative to doing.

“Doing” is what I do.

I kind of figure that doing is the only thing that will enable the pragmatic practical ‘better shit’ I believe needs to be done versus the ‘bad shit’ that may be done … if I am not doing my good shit.

And, you know what? I am doing it in 2016 2017 2018 and I envision doing it in 2017 2018 2019.

===============

“I’m not into convincing people I’m worthy.

I’m into people who’ll convince me on my worst days that I’m still worth the world.”

Reyna Biddy

=================

I have said before and will continue to say … I am not an optimist. I may be slightly idealist with regard to the inherent good in people and the belief that the arc of history bends toward what is right versus what is wrong … but an optimist I am not.

I am far too cynical and far too much of a pragmatist.

Oh. Yeah. That word ‘idealistic’ or ‘Idealism.’ I am always hesitant to toss that one out because far too often someone wants to add on ‘infantile’ or ‘unrealistic’ to it.

Maybe in my version of idealism there isn’t fantasy but rather pragmatic understanding that people do bad shit and people do good shit and that you either seek out those who do the good shit, and want to do the good shit, or sit back and let the bad shit-ters do the voodoo they do.

I refuse to let the bad shit-ters win.

I refuse even when faced with uncertainty or faced with some asshats who think their version of what good shit is the right shit.

That is my attitude. It was my attitude in 2016 2017. It has been my attitude for years. It will be my attitude in 2017 2018. And, I imagine, it will be my attitude until the day I die.

Here is what I <and all of us> have going for me in 2017 2018 2019.

The future is uncertain. It isn’t written in stone.

Yeah. Sure. The pessimistic ‘we are doomed’ people seem have a more certain view of the future – one in which it is impossible to imagine an alternative future to be optimistic about.

That seems silly to me.

I do not think it is optimistic to still find each day too short to get done what I want to get done and too short to do all the good shit I know should be done. That’s not optimism … that is simply a desire to do something and, preferably, to do good shit.

Remember. Doing is what I do.

If I were to say one thing about myself with regard to what I am good at <and I mostly think I am average at best> it would be my ability to get up every day and find some good shit to do. I don’t really care about the day itself nor do I pay much attention to whether any particular situation is good or bad — I just wake up every day thinking it is going to be too short to do all the good shit I want to do.

But. That there will be another ‘too short day’ the following day and I will wake up that day and get going all over again. That is my 2017 2018 2019. That is the only thing I find certain about the year.

…….. “But … I am doing something …………..”

That is neither hopeful nor is it optimistic that is pragmatic, practical and focused on contributing the arc of Life that I believe in.

Do I now what I am doing?

Hell no. But I am doing. And that is my attitude for 2017, 2018, 2019 and beyond.

There truly are few certainties in this world … but … I do believe that inevitably good trumps bad and that good shit gets done by people who do not believe bad shit is better. That is my attitude for 2017 2018 2019. And I tend to believe 2017 2018 2019 will be a shitload better than 2016 2017 2018 if more people had this attitude. I think we would all be able to do more good shit if we all believed each day was still too short for all the good shit we want to do.

With that … Happy New Year. And go do something good.

===

a weheartit contributor

—————

This quote is fucking awesome.

At some point in our lives pretty much all of us have had a little bit of ‘I want to save the world’ in us. Of course, that was before the world & Life beat it out of us and suggested that maybe we aim a little lower.

Ok.

A lot lower.

Well. The world, and Life, was, and is, wrong. This is one of those things we should never have beaten out of us.

Let me repeat.

NEVER let it get beaten out of you.

Let me tell you why this may be one of the most important things we should pay attention to.

There is no lack of problems in today’s world.

There is no lack of people who need saving.

There is no lack of ideas that need saving.

And let’s be clear … you do not need an “everything is fucked and we’re all going to die” attitude to see this.

It just is.

Its quite possible when you do ponder this it may appear easier to just say “I need to focus on my own happiness” .

Well. Research has shown over and over again that our true happiness and self worth is attained when we aspire to being dynamic beyond our own purpose <be part of something bigger than just ‘me’>. Our happiness is actually more like ‘meaningfulness’ and meaningfulness is most likely achieved when our purpose isn’t about us (self), but rather investing energy in just making things better. There are a number of people who I highly recommend (Zach Mercurio, Perry Timms, Gustavo Razzetti, Dr. Jason Fox) who will speak to this thought with research and psychological underpinnings.

I take a simple approach to the topic.

Here is a Life truth.

Life can suck if you let it.

And things will always remain sucky if you let it.

You can either do something or not do something. And you can do some important things or you can do unimportant things.

That’s the gig. Simple as that.

But here is what I can tell you for sure. Doing something … and doing important things … gives meaning & purpose and all that Maslow stuff which makes you feel self-value. In other words, in a world that may suck or at least may appear to suck <and has some obvious sucky things about it>, if you choose to try and save the world in some way you will not suck.

You don’t have to save the world all at once. You can start saving small … a penny at a time. All you gotta do is choose any frickin’ penny you see lying on the ground <that’s a bad metaphor for ‘some issue’ by the way>.

Just pick a problem and start saving the world one penny at a time. Before you know it you will have made a dollar difference … and maybe more if you are really lucky.

Education, Jobs, Homelessness. Poverty. Domestic violence. Women’s rights. Mental health. Big Brothers/Sisters.

Heck. Every day just supporting ‘doing what is right.’

There are so many to choose from you cannot go wrong in saving the world … you can start saving at any time in fact.

Will you solve it? Most likely not.

Will you contribute to the solution? Most likely yes.

Most importantly … will you make a difference? Yes.

Like small pebbles dropped in a pond the ripple reaches much much farther than you can see from where you stand.

And you know what?

You will feel better about yourself. Even if you are only one penny richer at the end of the day … well … you are richer.

So, maybe, rather than falling in love with yourself or investing in ‘being resent’ or even actively seeking to make yourself happy, you might do well to get to work on solving the problems that prevent the world from being truly exceptional. You become richer by making the world around you a richer place to live.

By the way.

If along the way you are the only person you save … well … you have done good, kid.

<as we near a New Year, 2019, I thought I would republish my 2016 New year’s Eve piece because it still seems relevant and the messages still sound>

====

President-elect Donald Trump’s unusual New Year’s message via Twitter on 12/31/16:

“Happy New Year to all, including to my many enemies and those who have fought me and lost so badly they just don’t know what to do. Love!”

=====

“Sportsmanship for me is when a guy walks off the court and you really can’t tell whether he won or lost, when he carries himself with pride either way.”

–

Jim Courier

============

The Olympic motto:

“The important thing in the Games is not winning but taking part.

The essential thing is not conquering but fighting well.”

=================

Well. Trump is going to remind us all of a lot of shit we want to teach our children <by reminding us of what we don’t want them to do and be>. Yeah. How scary is that?

We shake our heads at a 70 year old man over something we wouldn’t even want our 15 year old to do.

Today? Being a bad winner <and how good leaders are never bad winners>.

So. We all know what a bad loser is, but maybe we should actually talk more about what a bad winner is. That may sound strange because … well … I mean, c’mon, who would have thought someone who wins would need a lesson on how to actually be a winner.

Uhm. And who would have thought we would have to teach someone this lesson, especially someone who would be in a position to run a large organization let alone a country.

Uhm. Could you imagine a new CEO of a company who just beat out a rival in an organization for a promotion tweeting this out to all their employees? <no … no sane person could>.

Trump has a problem <okay … several> but this tweet reflects a lack of understanding on how to be a leader, how to be a good winner and that there is a difference between competitiveness mentality and a “win at all cost” mentality.

Competitors compete, compete hard, and accept the win or the loss … warts & all. Sometimes we competitors know we got a little lucky, maybe the chips fell our way because we worked hard & practiced hard, but recognize that even then the chips could have fallen the other way.

Built into our competitiveness is a belief we should win, but that on any given day we could lose.

This type of competitiveness tends to reflect itself in being a ‘good winner’ attitudinally. A little humility. A little respect for the competition. And, unless the competitor was a total asshole, an understanding that they may have lost, but they were not losers.

Someone who has to lead an organization and wants to be successful embraces this attitude.

Now. A ‘win at all costs’ mentality is a double edged bad sword.

Not only do you compete differently <rules are more suggestions than restrictions>, but your wins are an unblemished unassailable win in your mind.

Black and white – I won, you lost.

No warts. No maybes. No ‘it was close.’ Only ‘win.’

This type of competitiveness tends to not reflect upon the competition itself and that maybe, just maybe, your competition is worthy of being your friend or respected acquaintance not as a ‘loser’ but rather ‘someone with the same intent.’ This type of competitiveness rarely reflects any version of sportsmanship.

Someone who has to lead an organization and embraces this attitude does not foster a healthy culture, does not encourage unity but rather incites cut throat aggressive competitiveness, cliques and divisiveness <and a shit load of brown nosing>.

The latter is Trump. And his New Year ’s Eve tweet tells us this. Trump reflects the worst type of lesson as a leader and as a role model.

And I don’t need Trump to make this point. Watch or read the news and you will read day after day incidents displaying the loss of sportsmanship and respect for authority and opponents.

Refs, umpires and coaches are verbally and physically assaulted.

Parents are sometimes excessive in the way they push their kids to be the best.

Coaches are demanding perfection from their players and punish them when they give anything less.

Trump?

Trump just calls people who didn’t vote for him ‘losers’.

Trump demeans media that fairly criticizes him as ‘dishonest’ or ‘failing.’

Trump demeans loyalty of followers but does not share loyalty of they cannot contribute to the win.

I imagine my main issue, beyond the fact this type of competitiveness does not encourage unity, is that I expect my President to be a role model for ‘better’ and not play to the worst of us.

And while I abhor bad winners I have a larger issue with what Mr. President Elect Trump is doing.

Children learn by example. We need to be extremely careful that kids do not get mixed messages from mentors and role models.

So what example are they getting from Trump? How to be a bad winner.

<and I am not sure he cares what lesson he is sharing with the young or if he is simply oblivious to his responsibility to be a role model>

He won. He is going to be our president <note: even of the “losers & enemies”>. He needs to start acting like a good winner and a tough respectful competitor and, well, act like a fucking leader and not a ‘loser’.

Look.

It is an honor and privilege to play a game and compete at a high level.

It is an honor and a privilege to compete for the presidency and serve as a president.

It is NOT an honor and a privilege to win – that is reserved for the competition itself. The win itself deserves respect.

That is what we all need to remember and teach our children.

Competition in and of itself is supposed to be about being the best we are capable of and respecting our own abilities as well as respecting others regardless of whether their best is better than our best.

Oh. And respecting everyone … teammates, opponents, coaches, refs and spectators.

Yes.

Sports are inherently competitive <hence the reason there is a winner and a loser>. Life is inherently competitive <hence the reasons some people get promotions and some do not>.

And, let’s face it; competition brings out the best, and worst, in everyone. But I imagine my point then is that competition, and sportsmanship, inevitably is about character. And that competition, and winning or losing, makes a person’s real character come out.

Oh. I hate to break the news to everyone, competition and how you handle it takes work and training and shaping and thoughtfulness.

Sportsmanship SHOULD be simple. But it’s not. Losing hurts and winning can easily create feelings of blinding euphoria.

You can teach principles of good sportsmanship to anyone but, in the end, it’s about each person & experience.

Children watch.

They see cheating, lying, badmouthing, complaining to officials … all of which are reflections of someone’s character. More people need to take responsibility <and not blame “the game” or “the moment” or … well … anything>.

I suggest Mr. President-elect do so.

If you win, you do so with grace <because if you do even your competitors will respect you … and potentially follow you>.

If you lose, you do so with grace < because if you do even your competitors will respect you … and potentially follow you>.

I suggest Mr. President-elect do so.

Look.

Competitiveness isn’t really about competing … it’s about personal character – resilience, heart, humility, perseverance.

But. Maybe here is the hard lesson.

Cheaters do win. Maybe not philosophically, but in the win/loss column. That is where I like to point out to people winning or losing is about character.

There are a couple of scoreboards for people who play sports.

One is the win/loss record.

One is a life scoreboard.

Sportsmanship shows up on the life scoreboard. While I wish more people would pay attention to that second scoreboard I am fairly sure with our new President, who possibly embodies the penultimate ‘bad winner’, it is going to be tougher and tougher to teach our young people what matters.

=======

believe in the truth.
I believe that every good thought I have,
All men shall have.

Kenneth Patchen

========

This new year’s tweet from Trump was horrible. Horrible not just from a personal perspective but also from a business leader perspective <no sane CEO or president of a company would ever send a tweet out like this> and also from a President’s perspective <who supposedly is seeking to unite a country … all 320 million people … not just his 60 million>.

Trump is doing everything we teach our children not to do if they win.

Which makes me ask: how can it be that a person who can’t even articulate a New Year’s wish is going to be the leader of a country I love?

He is a playing a dangerous game. And I wish he would play the game differently.

I respected Jim Courier as a tennis player and I respect his words even more … “sportsmanship for me is when a guy walks off the court and you really can’t tell whether he won or lost, when he carries himself with pride either way.”

Trump has walked off the court and refuses to carry himself with pride, or even a dose of humility let alone respect the win. And if one of his heinous surrogates comes back at me and suggests “they cannot accept the win” or “they are undermining his election” and that he isn’t creating the issue in public I have two words for you — “shut up.”

If he chooses to lead … he owns his win, he owns the narrative and he owns the topic. He has not elected to show leadership yet.

This may be the understatement of the year … he is not a gracious winner.

This New Year’s Eve Trump tweet is an embarrassment to the presidency.

I expect more, and better, from any leader let alone my President Elect.

<originally written December 31, 2016>

——- 

You don’t appreciate the chaos and absurdity of life on this planet. 

You don’t understand irony, or ethnicity, or eccentricity, or poetry, or the simple joy of being a regular at the diner on your block. 

I love that.

 You don’t drink coffee or alcohol. You don’t over eat. You don’t cry when you’re alone. You don’t understand sarcasm. You plod through life in a neat, colorless, caffeine free, dairy free, conflict free way.

I’m bold and angry and tortured and tremendous and I notice when someone has changed their hair part, or when someone is wearing two very distinctly different shades of black or when someone changes the natural temperament of their voice on the phone.

I don’t give out empty praise.

I’m not complacent or well-adjusted.

I can’t spend fifteen minutes breathing and stretching and getting in touch with myself.

I can’t spend three minutes finishing an article.

I check my answering machine nine times every day and I can’t sleep at night because I feel that there is so much to do and fix and change in the world, and I wonder every day if I am making a difference and if I will ever express the greatness within me, or if I will remain forever paralyzed by muddled madness inside my head. 

I’ve wept on every birthday I’ve ever had because life is huge and fleeting and I hate certain people and certain shoes and I feel that life is terribly unfair and sometimes beautiful and wonderful and extraordinary but also numbing and horrifying and insurmountable and I hate myself a lot of the time.

The rest of the time I adore myself and I adore my life in this city and in this world we live in.

This huge and wondrous, bewildering, brilliant, horrible world.”

=

Jessica, from Kissing Jessica Stein

——–

Well. I love this monologue pulled from Kissing Jessica Stein.

I love that it sounds like she is a disaster, but it really reflects the complexity residing in, well, any and all of us.

What do I mean? I believe that within each of us resides a kaleidoscope of fragmented pieces of different people and feelings and likes & dislikes. And all of these things swirl around viewing the world from a variety of perspectives.

All of which tends to end up muddling things in our heads and make us question whether we are being the best we can be.

And if we question whether we are at our best then we certainly question whether we are making a difference.

Yeah. There is an inextricable link between those two things.

Yeah. We don’t make that connection enough.

Hmmmmm. Maybe that is why the world is so brilliant … and bewildering.

Brilliant in that we can see the change that can, and could, be. In us and in the world.

That is called Hope.

Bewildering in that because aligning our ‘best’ to when we can actually make a difference <which is a moment that occurs significantly less often than you would imagine> is sometimes difficult to see and experience.

That creates something called Despair.

And therein lies the huge & wondrous & bewildering & brilliant & horribleness of the world … the constant tug of war between hope & despair. That may sound extreme … if not poetic and possibly even too philosophical … but if you think about it … our moments in life are far too often simply defined by feelings of hope <for something better> or despair <that the moment wasn’t the best it could, or should, have been … and maybe it never will be>.

I tried to think of an example of the constant tug between the bewildering & brilliance … that almost irreconcilable angst of hope clashing with despair … and then I found this:

——-

bookmad:

do you ever just think about how shitty you are compared to other writers and give up hope?

Step 1.

Go on goodreads

Step 1.

Look up any book you think is worthy of 5 stars, look at the break down of the star rating.

Someone, somewhere thought that book was a 1 star.

Step 2.

Now go to a book you rate as 1 star.

Again go to the break down… I bet someone has rated it 5 star worthy.

Step 3.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

Someone will love what you’ve written.

Yes, it’s important to be proud of what you’re doing, but I guarantee you are being too hard on yourself.

——-

Lastly. To be clear. The huge and wondrous and horrible bewildering brilliant thing is not really the world. It is us. It is our heads.

We each hold a desire to be huge & wondrous & as brilliant as we can be. In feeling that we naturally get tugged between hope & despair all the while struggling between them in the infiniteness of a relatively indifferent world chuckling at our attempts.

I do tend to believe everyone, at least a little, longs for something big. That is simply being human. Yet most of us are taught day after day after day to collect wood and do tasks. Wood?

—–

If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

—–

Yeah. The world, society, business, our managers, are more likely than not to encourage us, and focus us, on collecting wood (metaphor for ‘doing’, tasks and “the grind” type stuff). However, most of us long for the immensity of the sea.

That conflict can often make life be quite bewildering and, worse, we can often look like a disaster to ourselves.Oh. And there will never be a lack of people ready to point out that disaster.

Ignore them.

Just appreciate the irony, the absurdity, the chaos, the huge & brilliance & wondrous aspects of the world.

Adore it and embrace it.

You will not only be a little calmer about shit, but you most likely will not actually be a disaster and, if you work hard, get a little lucky, you may get to enjoy the immensity of the world.

————————————————-

“It’s messing people up, this social pressure to “find your passion” and “know what it is you want to do”.  It’s perfectly fine to just live your moments fully, and marvel as many small and large passions, many small and large purposes enter and leave your life.   For many people there is no realization, no bliss to follow, no discovery of your life’s purpose. This isn’t sad, it’s just the way things are.  

Stop trying to find the forest and just enjoy the trees. “

=

Sally Coulter

———

“Passion has little to do with euphoria and everything to do with patience. It is not about feeling good. It is about endurance. Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer.”

=

Mark Z. Danielewski

—

I originally wrote this piece, Don’t Find Your Passion, in September 2014 and it is possibly my most unpopular piece I have written to date. Yesterday I felt slightly vindicated when Psychology Today just published a piece called “Why ‘Follow Your Passion’ is Terrible Advice.”

I have always struggled with the ‘find your passion’ advice. Ok. In fact. I believe most ‘find your passion’ advice is bullshit. I say its bullshit mostly because passion and excellence are not inextricably intertwined. In fact. Passion and purpose are not inextricably linked. In other words, I may be passionate about something, but may actually suck at doing that ‘something’.

I may be passionate about something, but it doesn’t feed some grand purpose <in the world or even to myself>.

Ok. The sucking thing I mentioned. Think about it this way – maybe I don’t suck at it, but maybe it is just not what I am best at doing.

Let me be clear. I am very happy for those who have a passion for something specific. And I would like to think everyone should be passionate about something. My point is that, unfortunately, the ‘something’ just may not be the thing you build your career and life around because you just may not be good at it enough to master it enough beyond maybe simple competence (but you can still enjoy it).

What makes me think I am qualified to say this whole follow your passion is bullshit? I am not sure I personally have a singular passion … except for thinking. And, boy, let me tell you, that is not a skill you can be paid for in the business world.

Does that mean I have to settle? Of course not.

Getting paid for thinking is a bonus.

But I assume I get paid <when I do get paid> for something I must be good at <or someone wouldn’t pay me>. In other words, I have to actually do something, not just think.

Does this mean I am grumpy or unsatisfied because I am not ‘following my passion’? Nope.

Practically speaking, I understand that what I am passionate about:

<a> there are more brilliant thinkers than I out there in the world, and

<b>  thinking without doing has significantly less value than thinking & doing. And by value I mean value to others and, frankly, value to self. The doing shows value. It shows the thinking wasn’t simply some pie in the sky rhetoric which ends up in some ‘nice but impractical’ idea folder gathering dust in some vacant office.

Next. I think the whole ‘find your passion’ or ‘find your purpose’ is overly simple in its guidance because following your passion is tricky.

No.

Let me take that back.

It is actually dangerous. If you are not careful, it can empty you.

——-

 “They told me to pour my heart into everything I do. So that’s what I did, I poured and poured and poured. 

Now they ask me why I’m so empty.”

(via florential)

———

This is why I am always hesitant to flippantly suggest ‘do what you are passionate about’ or ‘find something you love.’ I tend to suggest ‘find something you are incredibly good at … and see if you love it.’ In fact if you do that not only do you find out what you are really good at, but you also start jettisoning things you don’t like <or are passionate about>.

Next. I sometimes hear people suggest they are passionate about ‘results’ <sales, money, some outcome>. Well. Sorry. That is bullshit <to define passion that way>.

Ok. Maybe it is just lazy living. Lazy in that you take the easy way out when discussing passion or purpose by suggesting a result as validation for value in life and life pursuits.Lazy in that you are using results because you just don’t want to admit you may not exactly like what you are doing.

Sorry.

Some things just cannot be measured. Like … well … passion.

Ok. That said. I am going to let the ‘I am passionate about results’ people off the hook today because the real issue is that society shouldn’t be forcing people to even have to HAVE some grand passion or purpose.

Let’s be clear. Neither passion nor purpose needs to be grandiose.

They can be little – the trees and not the forest type of Life direction.

Because, frankly, life is mostly avoiding run face first into trees or sitting and enjoying a moment under a tree and not seeking some way to fly above and see a forest.

So what would I suggest instead of finding your passion or purpose as a guiding principle?

Seek to maximize the moments the best you can. Seek to find “good” and … well … be happy with good <and this includes just being good at what you do>.

As the initial quote suggests … larger passions and purposes will inevitably glide through different moments. Don’t worry that you do not ‘own’ the larger purpose … just enjoy the little glimpses of passion and purpose … and maybe even the variety.

—— 

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

J.R.R Tolkien

—–

What this all really means is that maybe the only decision you truly need to make has nothing to do with some grand passion or huge purpose … but rather simply deciding what to do with the time … the moment. If you do that well … I imagine you will plant a shitload of prosperous trees. And, in the end, will have built a forest for yourself you can be proud of.

Some of you may now be saying “well, shit” now. Don’t. All advice is just that, advice. Ultimately you choose what is best for you. You shouldn’t be using my advice, or anyone’s for that matter, to choose your path for you. Decide what is best for you and, well, go prosper in Life. But. I will suggest I am fairly sure you will be happier if you are doing something you are good at, so maybe start there.