————————————————-

“It’s messing people up, this social pressure to “find your passion” and “know what it is you want to do”.  It’s perfectly fine to just live your moments fully, and marvel as many small and large passions, many small and large purposes enter and leave your life.   For many people there is no realization, no bliss to follow, no discovery of your life’s purpose. This isn’t sad, it’s just the way things are.  

Stop trying to find the forest and just enjoy the trees. “

=

Sally Coulter

———

“Passion has little to do with euphoria and everything to do with patience. It is not about feeling good. It is about endurance. Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer.”

=

Mark Z. Danielewski

—

I originally wrote this piece, Don’t Find Your Passion, in September 2014 and it is possibly my most unpopular piece I have written to date. Yesterday I felt slightly vindicated when Psychology Today just published a piece called “Why ‘Follow Your Passion’ is Terrible Advice.”

I have always struggled with the ‘find your passion’ advice. Ok. In fact. I believe most ‘find your passion’ advice is bullshit. I say its bullshit mostly because passion and excellence are not inextricably intertwined. In fact. Passion and purpose are not inextricably linked. In other words, I may be passionate about something, but may actually suck at doing that ‘something’.

I may be passionate about something, but it doesn’t feed some grand purpose <in the world or even to myself>.

Ok. The sucking thing I mentioned. Think about it this way – maybe I don’t suck at it, but maybe it is just not what I am best at doing.

Let me be clear. I am very happy for those who have a passion for something specific. And I would like to think everyone should be passionate about something. My point is that, unfortunately, the ‘something’ just may not be the thing you build your career and life around because you just may not be good at it enough to master it enough beyond maybe simple competence (but you can still enjoy it).

What makes me think I am qualified to say this whole follow your passion is bullshit? I am not sure I personally have a singular passion … except for thinking. And, boy, let me tell you, that is not a skill you can be paid for in the business world.

Does that mean I have to settle? Of course not.

Getting paid for thinking is a bonus.

But I assume I get paid <when I do get paid> for something I must be good at <or someone wouldn’t pay me>. In other words, I have to actually do something, not just think.

Does this mean I am grumpy or unsatisfied because I am not ‘following my passion’? Nope.

Practically speaking, I understand that what I am passionate about:

<a> there are more brilliant thinkers than I out there in the world, and

<b>  thinking without doing has significantly less value than thinking & doing. And by value I mean value to others and, frankly, value to self. The doing shows value. It shows the thinking wasn’t simply some pie in the sky rhetoric which ends up in some ‘nice but impractical’ idea folder gathering dust in some vacant office.

Next. I think the whole ‘find your passion’ or ‘find your purpose’ is overly simple in its guidance because following your passion is tricky.

No.

Let me take that back.

It is actually dangerous. If you are not careful, it can empty you.

——-

 “They told me to pour my heart into everything I do. So that’s what I did, I poured and poured and poured. 

Now they ask me why I’m so empty.”

(via florential)

———

This is why I am always hesitant to flippantly suggest ‘do what you are passionate about’ or ‘find something you love.’ I tend to suggest ‘find something you are incredibly good at … and see if you love it.’ In fact if you do that not only do you find out what you are really good at, but you also start jettisoning things you don’t like <or are passionate about>.

Next. I sometimes hear people suggest they are passionate about ‘results’ <sales, money, some outcome>. Well. Sorry. That is bullshit <to define passion that way>.

Ok. Maybe it is just lazy living. Lazy in that you take the easy way out when discussing passion or purpose by suggesting a result as validation for value in life and life pursuits.Lazy in that you are using results because you just don’t want to admit you may not exactly like what you are doing.

Sorry.

Some things just cannot be measured. Like … well … passion.

Ok. That said. I am going to let the ‘I am passionate about results’ people off the hook today because the real issue is that society shouldn’t be forcing people to even have to HAVE some grand passion or purpose.

Let’s be clear. Neither passion nor purpose needs to be grandiose.

They can be little – the trees and not the forest type of Life direction.

Because, frankly, life is mostly avoiding run face first into trees or sitting and enjoying a moment under a tree and not seeking some way to fly above and see a forest.

So what would I suggest instead of finding your passion or purpose as a guiding principle?

Seek to maximize the moments the best you can. Seek to find “good” and … well … be happy with good <and this includes just being good at what you do>.

As the initial quote suggests … larger passions and purposes will inevitably glide through different moments. Don’t worry that you do not ‘own’ the larger purpose … just enjoy the little glimpses of passion and purpose … and maybe even the variety.

—— 

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

J.R.R Tolkien

—–

What this all really means is that maybe the only decision you truly need to make has nothing to do with some grand passion or huge purpose … but rather simply deciding what to do with the time … the moment. If you do that well … I imagine you will plant a shitload of prosperous trees. And, in the end, will have built a forest for yourself you can be proud of.

Some of you may now be saying “well, shit” now. Don’t. All advice is just that, advice. Ultimately you choose what is best for you. You shouldn’t be using my advice, or anyone’s for that matter, to choose your path for you. Decide what is best for you and, well, go prosper in Life. But. I will suggest I am fairly sure you will be happier if you are doing something you are good at, so maybe start there.

==========

“Old things have strange hungers.”

—–

Catherynne M. Valente

==================

“We are torn between nostalgia for the familiar and an urge for the foreign and strange. As often as not, we are homesick most for the places we have never known.”

—–

Carson Mccullers 

=============

I would suggest the number one challenge to progress & “living in the present” is old things.

Ok. Not old things, per se, but how the idea of old things resides in our heads, hearts & minds.

For some reason old things have this incredible knack to not only gain value over time but also increase our hunger for them.

Sure. Not all things. Some old things suck, we know they suck and are glad to leave them in some scrap heap in the rear view mirror.

But the old things that didn’t suck? Whew. Memories and old things have an incredible magical way of shedding the bad and accumulating good.

Okay. Maybe they don’t accumulate good but rather ‘basic familiarity’ or ‘low level contentment’ inevitably take on a disproportionately positive value. They become slightly twisted totems that people are clearly drawn to and become touchstones of ‘when things were better.’

Shit.

“when things were better.”

Who wouldn’t have a hunger for that?

The problem is that I don’t think what most people realize, or maybe recognize, is:

• that it is ideas and thinking which create the light that eliminates the darkness of the fear of the unknown
• that new inevitably outshines old, and
• that nostalgia is best found, mostly, when you find new familiar things and new habits to replace them.

I, personally, have never really seen the allure of most old things. I love old buildings and love museums but, to me, they are simply way stations to new ideas, new thinking and new behavior. To me the old seems muted and I desire to live loud & bold.

===========

“If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, will answer you: I am here to live out loud.”

Émile Zola

=================

All that said. I understand the fact old things have a strange hunger to many people.

In fact. I would argue that ‘old things’ is an equal opportunity employer.

What I mean by that is we far too often conflate the desire for old things, or holding on to what was old, with generations. Old people hunger for old things and younger people hunger for new things.

This is simplistically misguided thinking.

When we do this we miss the bigger challenge old things place in front of us. Old things have an insatiable hunger for the human desire for familiarity and the desire for security that can be found within each and every one of us. That insatiable hunger sits in our stomachs and minds in a variety of ways and degrees depending on the individual … regardless of their age.

That hunger resides in older people AND younger people. Ignoring that means ignoring some basic realities which can be quite costly as you make observations, decision and choices.

This is particularly true in business.

Look. All of us, everyone, even the riskiest of risk takers like having some safety net.

Not all safety nets are created equal or look similar … but 99.9% of us seek some version of a safety net.

Old things tend to offer us that safety net. I say that so when we start ridiculing someone, old or young, for appearing to hunger a little too much for old things that maybe we … well … stop ridiculing and start thinking about it a little.

Maybe all someone is doing is seeking their version of a safety net.

Maybe they are seeking something a little familiar and maybe something that offers a little mental security in a world which, frankly, seems to consistently try and demolish all that is familiar & secure.

Maybe we should take a moment and make sure there is a safety net before we do something.

Regardless. As I noted when I wrote about ‘optimal newness’ we all desire, and like, some balance. We all find comfort in familiarity and some versions of nostalgia and find excitement in something new. Old things have a strange hunger for the desire for some familiarity & some ‘secured clarity’ that resides in every single person.

As a studier of behaviors and attitudes I pay attention to this.

As a business guy I pay attention to this.

Old things have earned the right to be totems of times better and familiar.

We should allow them their hunger. And, yet, as with almost everything in Life … we need to insure people, individuals, manage their diet in order to live healthy lives and have healthy professional careers.

As I just told a business leader last week who was expressing frustration with regard to how some employees were ‘holding on to old things with ragged claws’: people aren’t nostalgic for old memories they are more nostalgic for familiarity & security.

Ponder that. Because the conclusion to that statement is … if you can offer them some familiarity, and some security, with new things, old things lose their luster.

—————

“With an apple I will astonish Paris.”

=

Paul Cezanne

———–

Well. I saw this quote in a book last night and immediately wrote it on a piece of paper.

Could you ever imagine a business person suggesting something like this? … suggesting surprising the world with one of the most ordinary common things in Life?

Everyone would think you were fucking crazy.

Everyone would start shouting …

“We need something new!!”

“We need to be unique!!”

Well. Let’s face it. Most new things suck.

Most new ideas are just bad. And most new shit just stinks.

All that said ……

“With an apple I will astonish the world.”

I wish more businesses would think this way. Within the ordinary always resides a small mundane thing which is incredibly easy to view as mundane, as common, as useless, or even pedantic.

Yet each ‘ordinary thing’ also has the capacity, if we are open to it, to usher us into an experience of something extraordinary, usher us into some new way of looking at the ordinary, usher us into some new way of experiencing the ordinary.

Even the ordinary contains infinite possibilities <if we would only seek it there>.

Within finite often resides the infinite.

Within each of us ordinary people resides something extraordinary.

I mention that last point about us ordinary everyday schmucks <people> because we need to remind ourselves something experts have been trying to tell us for quite some time … “ no one is born a genius … genius takes time and opportunity to develop.”

David Shenk <The Genius in All of Us: New Insights into Genetics, Talent, and IQ> described genius as a process, not something someone has or is borne with, but rather something that someone does.

We all have some genius within us.

We all have the ability to take something ordinary and surprise the world with something extraordinary.

This belief, this understanding of self, far too often is trampled in the rush to get things done and the search for ‘something new.’

As we rush up & down the hallways of our businesses we tend to overlook the opportunities in the ordinary.

As we rush up & down the hallways of our businesses we tend to overlook opportunities, and potential, found in the seemingly ordinary people.

<sigh>

Surprise the world with an apple.

What an awesome thought. What an awesome thing to actually do in business. What do I mean?

I can guarantee 2 things if you surprise the world with an apple:

business success: its called optimal newness. If you take something ordinary and make it newly extraordinary to people it offers them something familiar and something extraordinarily new. people love that.

personal success: I don’t know if its monetary success, but i do know there is little more satisfying than walking into a business, taking something ordinary that 99% of people have overlooked or dismissed, and bringing it to Life in a way no one had really thought of doing so before.

Anyway. Go ahead. Grab the apple. Someone in business should.

======================

I’m not sure why you’re so angry at us. We haven’t been around as long as I assume you have been around.

You’ve been voting a lot longer than any of us. You’ve had a say in how our culture and society and economy and political system have been shaped. The state of affairs Sanders is describing has been evolving over several decades. Surely the great wisdom you possess saw most of this coming, the income inequality, the wars for profit, etc. Could it be that we’re easy to rage against because we’re younger and poorer and more vulnerable than you? Could it be that you should be raging against the person you see in the mirror every morning and the generation you associate with every day, but it’s too hard to face the misdeeds of your age group, so you project blame onto us?

—-

A Millennial commenting online

=============

“… whether you know it or not, you’re offspring are already screwed and it not because of Trump.

Lets be honest here… The kids are 20+ trillion dollars in debt. No middle class left. No economic growth. No jobs. A country infiltrated by illegal aliens. Murder rates skyrocketing. Our infrastructure is decimated. Islamic extremist threaten us daily. Russia and China flexing their military muscle and North Korea and Iran on the verge of nuclear weaponry.

And you’re worried about Trump becoming president.

When I see posts such as yours I think to myself how in the world with all the news sources at everyone finger tips can people be so blind to what is right in front of them. Ignorance is a bigger threat to us than Trump can ever be.”

—-

a white Boomer commenting online

========

Carlo Rosselli:

“I had a house: they destroyed it. I had a magazine: they suppressed it. I had ideas, dignity, an ideal: for these I was sent to prison. I had friends: they killed them.”

====================

I am a white guy.

An old white guy.

I don’t loathe being white and I certainly don’t believe simply being white makes one an evil person and it certainly doesn’t increase your odds of being ‘gooder’ or ‘badder’ simply because the color of your skin.

But sometimes, okay, more often than not, I write with some sense of disdain for the older generation of white guys <particularly in business> because we seem to be, or at least becoming, an angry generation.

Angry at the naïve young people.

Angry at some ill-defined establishment <or institution aligned against us>.

Angry at minorities <who appear to be getting a better break than us>.

Angry at women <who used to be more supportive of us>.

Angry at other countries <because, dammit, we are the best and if they improve we don’t look at ‘best’>.

Angry at change.

Angry at no change.

Shit. We are just angry enough at the world we will take selective bits of misinformation and get so angry we start getting angry at a world that just isn’t as bad as we are angry about.

But what is most concerning is that this anger is beginning to extend like a big amorphous blob in every direction. In other words … we are just angry people in an angry world looking for anyone and everywhere to focus our anger.

—

“I cannot be angry with you. Anger would be a waste of the moments we have and would make us weak in the face of the things yet to do.”

—

Some of this amorphous blob-like anger is explainable.

It CAN be easy to feel marginalized when looking back at the past.

It can be easy to feel less respected when looking back at the past.

It can be easy to feel like everything was better when looking back at the past.

It can be easy to remember a country that wasn’t obese, a country that did not struggle to educate the young or even a country in which there seemed to be an extreme demand for guns for everyone.

Yeah. I could point out, as an old white guy, what I call the silent minority <because they seem to be REALLY angry>. This silent minority is a slice of white America who has watched from the stagnant sidelines of Life as initiative after initiative is created to ‘right the wrongs’ of the past for women, the LBGT community, the blacks, Asians and … well … anyone non-white.

It may sound disingenuous to suggest this is a legitimate concern when white Americans currently have a majority-minority relationship in the country. But this is a real minority within the majority who has real anger <or maybe strong frustrations> all compounded by some fear/anger mongerers who encourage a sense that “real Americans” are being crowded out.

This anger creates a critique of everyone and everything all threaded through with an unhealthy thread of paranoia driven conjecture driven theories.

That said. It sure does seem like everyone is angry and angry about something or someone.

Well. Okay. The uber rich people aren’t angry … they just don’t care.

But everyone else is.

The aspiring uber rich people are angry at the ‘lazy entitled lower income’ who want money they haven’t earned.

The middle <& going down> income are people angry at everyone.

The lower middle <who are probably hard working & pragmatic but have always had hope to be & do better> people are angry at the aspiring uber & uber.

The lower income people are just angry <because while they don’t see the poor social mobility numbers that I do which state that America is not the land of opportunity … they already know that if they are born lower income they will most likely live & die in lower income>.

And all incomes people are angry at government.

Heck. People are angry at work.

They don’t feel secure in their jobs on top of they are losing hope they will have opportunities to move up on top of the fact it sometimes seems like charisma <and what is being called ‘instincts’> is being valued more than actually knowing what to do <and rational logical thinking>. Therefore those with ability <or the ability to enhance their ability> but don’t meet the charisma criteria <gift of gab, appearance, etc.> or don’t value the charisma thing themselves <they just want to get shit done> … lose hope. And get angry.

In addition. We older folk feel some anger as it seems like the workplace is outplacing us, and our skills, faster than ever before. Workplace generation gaps used to pit older veterans against young rookies but now it is a weird digital driven world, where thinking and deductive skills seem to have less value, and generation gaps in the workplace give a lot of people the sense that they are falling behind and must struggle to avoid being left out.

People are angry at home.

Home values <most homes major investment> struggle. There is uncertainty with the economy on top of uncertainty with time … people work hard to manage time and yet there never seems to be enough of it. We are angry about lack of money, lack of time and lack of perceived control over our own Life.

People are angry because our hope is being fucked with <hope for a better life & hope for better fairness>.

People are happy in life when they think it’s fair … or they get a fair chance. “I don’t need to get to the top … or be the best … or even get the most … I just want to know that I had the opportunity to do so IF I had really been the best or the top or deserved the most.”  Most of us realize we are not ‘the best’ or the ‘cream of the crop’ … we are just average Joes & Joettes <everyday schmucks>.

And you know what? Most people, like me, are not angry about being an everyday schmuck <we are okay with it> but we do want to feel like that if by some miracle we were the best, if but for one critical moment, that we would get the opportunity to get what the best get.

Alternatively … if we see few glimpses of opportunity … well … we get angry.

This may be unrealistic <because it is just a ‘what if’ scenario>? But opportunity & hope are fickle funny things. And pretty valuable to us average everyday schmucks.

People are angry at Life.

While Life has always seemed to never miss an opportunity to screw with you … at least in the past it seemed like Life was fair <it took away and gave>.

People have a larger sense of anger.

This is more about a situation in which they feel like they have little or no control over and cannot do anything about.  This creates an anger focus in that we start looking for someone and anyone to blame for whatever it is that is making us angry <I would argue the foundation of all his anger is that we are having our hopes and dreams screwed with>.

People are angry because optimism seems to be in the purview of only the naive fools.

We get angry because optimism is a conscious belief … almost an ideology if you elect to be. It has a tangible cognitive attachment to it … almost an expectation of what will be. if we perceive someone placing obstacles in between our optimistic thinking and the tangible cognitive attachment … well … we get fucking angry.

People are angry as they teeter between an anger that we are currently faced with the tragic ongoing horror show of President Trump ‘as a cut price Mussolini and demigod of the intellectually challenged’ and an anger that President Trump, the self-proclaimed change agent, has become mired in his own self proclaimed swamp.

People are angry that the US now consists of a shitload of small towns with shuttered shops, high unemployment in selective geography, low wages, increasing dependency on government support, free food, soup kitchens. Fifty million below the poverty line. Tens of millions without health insurance and those with coverage, struggling to pay their premiums … and 50% of Americans cannot even afford a vacation.

People are angry that the shining light of democracy is quickly taking on the appearance of a kind of banana republic … or a well developed “Somalia with guns, hamburgers, obesity and better drainage.”

As for me? While I was not a huge Clinton fan I get a little angry that a Hillary Clinton message grounded in “love, togetherness and kindness” was trumped by some asshat talking about “destruction, despair and winning is all that matters” — an asshat who publicly stated at a podium in front of a crowd of cheering people that he had no idea what Clinton meant by wanting to make America whole again.

All that said.

We are an angry people in an angry world.

Anger sometimes makes us cling to obvious untruths rather than face the truth — about ourselves, about society, about reality — and therefore we ignore the real truths which would lead to the well needed fundamental difficult changes necessary to diminish our anger.

Personally, I believe 99% of anger is wasted energy.

However. On occasion, anger, if causing some self-refection, can create a sense of reflective responsibility, i.e., what have I done to create his environment of anger? Is there is a real issue that has been raised … and needs to be addressed?

We are an angry group these days and, yet, we seem to remain at least minimally functional. The term “new normal” or “normalizing the current attitude” gets thrown around a lot these days. So much so that it just seems normal <or maybe we just cannot define abnormal well enough to deal with it>. And that is what concerns me as I reflect as an old white guy — functioning in an angry world as the new normal. We have mastered functional anger.

Look. People have legitimate reason to be angry, but we also have legitimate reasons to assume some personal responsibility for the legitimate parts as well as legitimate fundamental changes to solve our legitimate anger.

I will end this by suggesting anger is most often driven by a clash of ideas — even if you want to argue there is rampant ignorance <you can still have ideas even if you are ignorant>. A country is always wracked by conflict where the discussion can be raucous, or whispered, at different times in history, but it resides in all times nonetheless.

I would point out America is constantly morphing. The clash of ideas is actually what makes America great. Its lack of simplicity is what makes it great. Therefore it is actually the constant conflict that makes it great.

Think of the country as a number of tectonic plates constantly shifting and crashing into each other with earthquakes and trembles and ultimately soaring mountain ranges … and sinking islands. Those tectonic plates are the fractured sections of class, culture, race, income levels, social status, generational norms, educational attainment and, well, even individual state identity.

But possibly the largest tectonic civilization plates are what was, what is & what will be. The tectonic plates of time and everything that resides upon them … the mountain ranges of attitudes & desires and the valleys of “what I have and what I believe is mine to keep” <the latter can be material or mental>.

Anger is only good if it creates some change. I worry that we are, well, just angry and not using that anger for anything other than just being angry. We should admit to our anger, admit it is an angry world, and we should be using this anger to solve the anger.

===========

“No one is innocent … Life is more about how you bear the guilt.”

–

Silette <a fictional book character>

================

Well.

This quote. I admit. It gave me pause when I saw it in a book I was reading. I stopped and reread it.

No one is innocent.

That means everyone carries some burden of ‘not innocent’. This seems relevant as more and more people in today’s society appear to investing a lot of energy suggesting they are guilty of little, if not anything.

Well. That is kind of bullshit. No one is innocent. We are all guilty of small, medium and even some large things.

Therefore. It within that last sentence of the opening quote in which resides the larger Life thought.

Your life can be defined by how you bear that guilt.

It is the larger Life thought because “defined by” is actually “choices”. All the choices we make everyday in the little and the small as well as in how we judge ourselves, and our actions, and other’s actions. So we make all of these choices, one by one, dozens & hundreds over time, all the while accumulating some, well, ‘non-innocence.’ From that point on it becomes how we define it:

Do you ignore it?

Do you make excuses?

Do you deny it?

Do you worry about it?

Do you keep it secret?

Do you use it to motivate?

These are questions that reside within each of us <whether we elect to admit that they exist or not>.

These are the questions that define how people bear the guilt.

Oh.

The one that is probably most important?

Do you even recognize you are not innocent?

Whew. Yeah. That is why I wrote this quote down.

I think in today’s world where we seem to rush to blame people and judge them guilty of something <often justly> we tend to push our own lack of innocence, in whatever degree it may exist, into some dusty corner of our mind. But I also believe there is an even more dangerous thing many people do … and that is justifying their own past behavior & actions as ‘not so bad’ … which is basically assuming … well … innocence.

What that means is, I imagine, there are many more people who don’t even know they are ‘not innocent’ of something than there are those who bear the guilt. I imagine this because, well, bearing some guilt is a burden. A burden not just as a weight but it also can bear some emotional erosion aspects if you are not careful.

While those who bear the guilt can sometimes be eaten away from the inside as they think about it I would suggest there are many more minds being eroded by the unseen, unrecognized & unaccepted shadow of guilt which dogs each step one takes.

This comes to Life in a variety of ways.

It erodes in a way that when shit happens to them <because the guilt actually affects their behavior in some seemingly small ways> they scratch their head and wonder why.

Some of these people think fate is against them.

Many of these people think Life isn’t fair.

Many of these people never look at themselves, or to themselves, as the issue … just everything else.

Many of these people just look at others as ones who should be guilty <“I never did anything that bad”>.

And all of that is sad to me. Mostly because their burden of guilt is most likely something manageable if they would only take the time to face it — face the guilt and eliminate that weightless, but diminishing, shadow following them and choose to carry it instead.

Look.

We all have guilt for something. None of us are innocent. The something could be big or it could be very small. But that is the funny thing about ‘not innocent’ … its size doesn’t matter.

Normal laws of space & weight do not apply to ‘not innocent’. A sliver of ‘not innocent’ can bear the same weight as a mountain of ‘not innocent’.

We should all take a moment, every day in fact, and remind ourselves, especially before we jump to judging others, that if you ignore the degrees & dimensions of the guilty … none of us are innocent.

But, most importantly, once you accept no one is innocent <self included> what truly matters is how one chooses to bear that weight.

================

Originally posted December 2012

——

“Cowardice” and “self-respect” have largely disappeared from public discourse.

In their place we are offered “self-esteem” as the bellwether of success and a proxy for dignity.

“Self-respect” implies that one recognizes standards, and judges oneself worthy by the degree to which one lives up to them.

“Self-esteem” simply means that one feels good about oneself.”

Dignity” used to refer to the self-mastery and fortitude with which a person conducted himself in the face of life’s vicissitudes and the boorish behavior of others.

Now, judging by campus speech codes, dignity requires that we never encounter a discouraging word and that others be coerced into acting respectfully, evidently on the assumption that we are powerless to prevent our degradation if exposed to the demeaning behavior of others.

These are signposts proclaiming the insubstantiality of our character, the hollowness of our souls.

=

A NATION OF COWARDS
Jeffrey R. Snyder 1993

———————–

“Tragedy in life normally comes with betrayal and compromise, and trading on your integrity and not having dignity in life. That’s really where failure comes.”

=

Tom Cochrane

———————-

So.

What is the biggest failure in today’s world? What is the biggest tragedy <or possibly ‘travesty’> in today’s world?

In my mind it is quite possibly our betrayal of integrity and dignity. It could quite possibly be the fact we have shelved dignity to some dusty shelf all the while proclaiming the insubstantiality of our character, the hollowness of our souls.

Look.

I am a hope guy, but on occasion I look around the world and find hope is buried underneath a lot of despair. Ok.  Certainly buried under a lot of ‘less than desirable’ behavior by people. And while it is easy to seek blame in politicians and leadership and religion it is harder, but possibly a truer and more valuable exercise, to look at ourselves and individual action. I would argue that within looking at ourselves, undertaking this personal reflection, one has to wonder about dignity in today’s society.

The idea of dignity seems simple enough. But it is actually fairly complex.

——

dignity:

“elevation of character, intrinsic worth, excellence… nobleness of manner, aspect, or style.”

Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary

===

===

Words associated with dignity:

“prestige, esteem, repute, honor, glory, renown, fame”

Roget’s Thesaurus

——–

Well. As I think about dignity I think <or it feels this way> the meaning of dignity has shifted over time. Oh. I don’t mean this as a generational thing. I just mean it as that over the span of decades dignity is being defined, and thought of, differently. I cannot figure out why because while dignity as an idea is a timeless one it has become wrapped in a ‘dated’ aspect.

To me dignity should be unshifting. It should be a conviction with regard to how one lives, and values, Life.

To me it retains a belief of a some higher potential of acting within some moral excellence construct. Something that resonates throughout everyone’s actions.

Am I too idealistic? Do I ask too much of people? Well. I would ask everyone: what is Life if not meant to be faced with dignity?

In fact. Dignity seems, to me, to be of higher value than wisdom or enlightenment or even respect. Dignity is part of the soul of which resides within each of us … it represents the substantialness of individual character. In other words … it is the foundation upon which all else is built. It is a foundation which one could argue provides the strength to face the inevitable of Life.

Life is often is a battle against the inevitable <and feel free and define inevitable any way you would like>.

Regardless. To face the fate Life gives us is to have the courage to live even if it means not doing everything that everyone else expects we should have done, and even ourselves might have wished, and do so with perhaps more dignity … than wisdom.

Now.

To be clear when I discuss this betrayal to dignity, to me, we have surrendered our sense of dignity — it was not taken away.

———–

“One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.”

Michael J. Fox

——————-

Suffice it to say we have surrendered in the most despicable way — we have become silent with regard to dignity. Yes. Silent. We just don’t speak about dignity often these days. And without speaking … the silence has become overcome with other words & thoughts. Overcome with words & thoughts like wealth and power, success and fame.

These are selfish esteem characteristics <or selfish aspects of character> which represent the hollowness of the soul. In addition. Lost in their glamor & fame is that they are outcomes of behavior not outcomes of character and, yet, I sometimes believe we confuse the outcomes.

As one online writer said … “we have become convinced we are nothing but packets of protoplasm governed by selfish genes, clever monkeys with college degrees and business cards plying across highways rather than trees.”

I don’t argue that living in today’s world that it isn’t difficult to activate your selfish genes. The world almost demands you do <’no one will take care of yourself but yourself’>. But by permitting the selfish genes to take over we have foregone some very important Life aspects.

Things like:

Living with dignity.

Dignity of actions.

Dignity of attitude.

Dignity of self.

While it certainly seems like we are in a ‘selfish driven world’ <or at least an “I-driven” world> … when I think about dignity <which I imagine I do far too often> I admit that I am a little surprised that dignity has fallen down so far on our list of ‘desired character attributes.’

Why am I surprised?

Well.

Getting back to the “I-driven” world — dignity, at its core, is closely connected with the idea of individuality. It is associated with how one sees oneself as well as how one reflects upon one’s distinctness, or clarity of self as seen by others, in Life. And I, or self reflection, is a pretty powerful motivator with regard to character.

Individuality means self-control and self-mastery, freedom from the sway of passion and prejudice, the ability to actively determine oneself.

In fact … I could suggest that to live with dignity means to be one’s own master. Ruler of your own empire as it were. Certainly master of your own destiny.

Unfortunately Life is infringing on all our “I” objectives.  It seems like the grind of everyday Life is making us think less of our own ‘empire’ <that would be our character and self respect> and more about what we think of as ‘survival’ <just making it through the day>.

That is scary to me. Scary for not only civilization but scary with regard to … well … one’s soul.

Sure. Discussing dignity may sound strange <if not frivolous> in today’s world when our frantic struggle to make ends meet hardly allows us the time to ponder such lofty things. But if we do pause a moment to give this question a little thought, we would realize soon enough that it is not merely the idle musing of someone with too much time on his hands. The question not only touches on the very meaning of our lives, but goes even beyond us personally in that it impacts culture.

For if it isn’t possible to live with dignity then life is simply measured by outcomes < wealth and power, success and fame>. I find it hard to imagine that the sense of the idea of living with dignity doesn’t have some intrinsic value to who and what we are as people.

—–

So many roads, so much at stake

So many dead ends, I’m at the edge of the lake

Sometimes I wonder what it’s gonna take

To find dignity.

Bob Dylan

—-

Look. I know Life is far from simple. And ‘dignity’ is challenged daily by a Life that is difficult and complex and filled with conflicts <decisions and choices> and moral ambiguity.

Every day, even though we may only see our ‘to do list’, we face numerous crossroad moments each of which offer a potential step toward either good or bad <evil>. And often you cannot see down the path you have just taken a step on. This moral complexity can sometimes make life a pretty painful struggle, but at the same time it also creates a fertile opportunity for growing a healthy dignity.

I would suggest it is at, and within, the everyday ambiguous crossroads moments, choices & decisions in Life that we can either rise to the heights of greatness or fall to almost incomprehensible depths of ‘less than.’

This can become an even more overwhelming thought as you recognize these everyday crossroad moments continuously branch out from the present moment and choice and all the while each choice depends on us as an individual to choose.

I would actually argue that deciding to face Life, and people, with dignity can make this all easier if not simpler.

We face the choice with dignity … or we don’t.

We face the choice with blame … or respect for our responsibility within the moment.

We face the choice, each as a smaller moral choice, as a building block for not only our individual dignity … but a larger building block for the dignity in human life.

Now. I am not suggesting that dignity either comes easy or without a cost.

———

The fight for justice against corruption is never easy. It never has been and never will be.

It exacts a toll on our self, our families, our friends, and especially our children.

In the end, I believe, as in my case, the price we pay is well worth holding on to our dignity.

Frank Serpico

————————-

I included this quote to remind everyone that each crossroad is fraught with peril and that corruption can be tangible as in crime or intangible as in the soul of Life itself. At each crossroad .Life, and choices, attempts to corrupt your dignity. And maybe that is why we elect to not discuss dignity as much as we should.

I don’t know.

All I know is that dignity SHOULD be discussed more and we should recognize it has value and we should understand dignity is not easily won. It is won through deeds and choices.

===

“Honour is purchas’d by the deeds we do.”

Marlowe

===

And its victory brings a reward that isn’t measured in some tangible outcome but rather through a quiet personal Life dignity which can sometimes only offer an affirmation a Life well lived.

Anyway.

Living a life of dignity is not easy. You have to say no to those around you, you have to say no to society and you most importantly have to say no to yourself. With the sheer amount of everyday crossroad moments each and every one of us faces … we need to maintain a certain discipline to maintain our dignity.

===

“Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself.”

Abraham Joshua Heschel

==

Dignity is a self-thing … what I mean by that is … well … it is a measurement of self. Not really an external measurement. Dignity is actually a combination of attitude & behavior … an acceptance and an action. Dignity is accepting the things ‘not done’ or things we need to apologize for:

Words.

Actions.

Omissions.

Dignity is measuring oneself’s actions … failing to step up, or step in, or step to someone’s side <when they needed it>.

Dignity is standing there and say you’re sorry. Say you’re sorry, say why you’re sorry, and take all the blame. No less, no more <without including anything that places even the tiniest amount of blame back on the other person>.

Dignity is recognizing you are a work in progress … seeking to be better than before … and accepting it publicly.

And maybe that is what I wish we would remember most about dignity … and talk about it … and aspire to live a more dignified life. Living life in the best way you can, the most honorable way possible and, well, just try to be better than the day before.

——

“He felt he was himself and did not want to be otherwise.

He only wanted to be better than he had been before. “

Leo Tolstoy

===

In the end. Maybe this is all I really need to say about Dignity.

Dignity, in the end, is understanding that no one is your enemy … except maybe yourself.

====================================

Originally posted March 2015

————————–

============

“Nothing is perfect.

Life is messy.

Relationships are complex.

Outcomes are uncertain.

People are irrational.”

=

Hugh Mackay 

——————–  

“The most successful organizations in the world are the ones who work together, play together, and get messy together.” 

=

Jeanne Malnati

——————–

Well.

This may sound a little wacky but 98.2% of successful businesses are successful because, uhm, there is some conflict <note: I made up the 98.2% but you get the point>.

Suffice it to say conflict, in and of itself, doesn’t make them successful. It is that the conflict tends to create the positive friction which sparks better thinking, better ideas and a better company — in other words —  a more enlightened organization.

I often argue that conflict within an organization is natural … and healthy. Conflict is natural because while organizations try and create some ‘tidiness’ to the institution itself … the people within are messy. Inherent in this messiness is  a clashing of certainty & uncertainty, known & unknown, learning & unlearning and all the messy things thinking people do when all are aimed toward a greater vision, purpose & objective.

We often like to talk about business as ‘rational’, effective within organizational constructs and boundaries of behavior & rules, but, c’mon, Life itself is pretty messy — outcomes may be uncertain and people, particularly in business, can certainly be irrational <at times>. In addition, truth itself is messy. I mention that because if there is one thing every business seeks in their pursuit of success, it is ‘truth’ with regard to “what do we need to do.”

Regardless. It is quite possible the messiest part of any business is found in the simple objective of getting good shit done. It’s mostly messy because, once again, people are messy.

Messy in terms of how we interact.

Messy in terms of not knowing what we are good at … and sometimes not standing up for what we really are good at.

Messy in terms of inconsistent communication.

Messy in terms of selective listening.

Messy in terms of … well … our attempts to avoiding conflict <we can turn ourselves into pretzels trying to keep things as smooth as possible>.

Now. That may sound like a shitload of messiness, but it is simply a natural state of things — people, once again, naturally make business messy.

Oh. Even people with good intentions are messy.

Yes. Even good people.

Throughout my business career:

I have enjoyed a “force of nature” person who has forced enlightenment for the force of good.

I have endured a force of nature person with good intentions …with less than good behavior … who has forced us to face enlightenment.

I have encountered an essential force of good within a business … who doesn’t have the ‘nature’ part of the ‘force’ DNA … but is still an essential undercurrent force with which the business prospers by enabling enlightenment.

And the entire experience has emboldened me with a sense that even good organizations with good products and good people and a good idea can be messy AND enlightened AND be a force of good.

Yeah. Sure. I have also seen how messiness can negatively encroach into the good fiber of a business with bad conflict. But the one thing I can guarantee is messiness with good conflict will lead to enlightenment. It is just that I cannot guarantee whether it will be enlightenment used for the force of good or enlightenment used for the force of, well, something less than good.

Regardless.

All this messiness leads to Enlightened conflict. Enlightened Conflict is a term I often use <heck … it is the name of my site>. To me it has multiple dimensions of relevance to not only to what I believe & what I believe should be done, but what research shows creates a smarter thinking individual <and individuals> and, inevitably, a smarter version of collaboration <one driven to sharpen ideas rather than compromise on dull mediocrity>.

So.

A lot of people push back on the “conflict” part. Here’s the basic idea. The more someone understands <or is less ignorant>  the more respectful the “conflict” will be. Conflict can be debate, discussion or simply when two people have different points of view on things. It’s the basic thesis being challenged, navigating a crisis <the conflict>, antithesis all ultimately arriving at some synthesis. Its not a novel idea nor a contentious idea. But it IS an idea which empowers a business. Unfortunately, it is also an idea which many people suggest creates negativity.

Anyway. The positive side of enlightened conflict resides in the sharing of information so that people just know more. And I would hope <and actually believe> they use that additional “know more” <knowledge of some type> so they can make better informed choices. Conversely … I could suggest that the enemy of ignorance is enlightened conflict. I often suggest people think about that because I could argue <and I do> that one of the biggest obstacles to any progress, in business & in Life, is ignorance.

Well. The one thing I can guarantee is that Enlightened conflict aggressively attacks ignorance. Therefore, any business with an enlightened conflict  future will inevitably have smarter discussions, more respectful competition between employees <and better teamwork>, become more informed and, ultimately, create better decisions. And, maybe best of all, in their own way the business organization itself <model, organizational structure & roles/responsibilities definitions> becomes more enlightened.

Look. When I speak of enlightened conflict with businesses I am relentless with regard to my belief that little actions can make a big difference. I do that because I believe as long as you empower individuals to embrace enlightened conflict, and respectful conflict, you empower everyone to believe they are all architects of life … and fate.

All that said. I admit. I, personally, love a great debate and I typically feast on partially ignorant point of views. I am not that smart but I can spot a generalization or a sweeping judgment a mile away. I am kind of like a vulture lurking over ignorance seeking to swoop down for the debate.

It also helps that I am a curious vulture. I like to think and lurk over a variety of topics. On a separate note I am biased in that I believe businesses, and society, would be a better version of its current form if there were more curious vultures.

To conclude.

At least I have admitted being a vulture. Don’t let that stop you from loving the idea of Enlightened Conflict.

Life, and business, is messy. I would argue the only way to attempt to find a path through the messiness is to wade into the conflict, embrace your enlightenment throughout the engagement and, well, make whatever you can a little less messy.

=====

originally posted December 2009

==========================

“The fragile structure of logic fades and disappears against the emotional onslaught of hushed tone, a dramatic pause, and the soaring excitement of a verbal crescendo.”

——-

Bill Bernbach

=================

“It was the in-between time, before day leaves and night comes, a time I’ve never been partial to because of the sadness that lingers in the space between going and coming.”

——

Sue Monk Kidd

================

Ok. Far too often when talking about pacing in life and business we focus on ‘slowing down.’ We do that because we have convinced ourselves that not only is the world moving at a faster pace than ever before, but that we actually have to move really fast or we are not doing something right.

I will not debate the sheer amount of shit we are faced with in any given moment but I would debate our concept of speed and moving fast is all that matters and our unhealthy belief there is not enough time.

Not everything has to be done immediately.

Not everything should be done with minimal information.

Not every moment has some magical window of opportunity that we will miss out on if we do not act ‘now!’.

Now. This is a little weird when we stop and think about it.

Facing reality, as an individual, it can appear like a speed boat … crashing through waves with any significant milestones flashing by so fast they become a blur.

Facing reality, collectively. It can appear like a fully loaded tanker … plowing its way through the waves where significance is measured, if significance is discernible at all, in broad sweeping miles of slow turns.

That’s life in a nutshell. That is time in a nutshell. That is reality in a nutshell.

Suffice it to say … reality can be a real bastard. Good leaders manage the bastard by managing the pacing of how we deal with all the bastard’s stuff.

Here is a truth.

The truth is that every good self-aware business leader has a panel in their head with a play, pause, rewind and fast forward button.  They have the ability to see things in real time, what has occurred up to that point and, in some way, can envision the ripples of what happens from there. Within that ability they decide to fast forward, or pause, or continue playing at the same speed … or even decide to rewind a little. They see reality and decide how to best take advantage of it.

Some leaders have one speed. There are some who we call ‘the bull in china shop’ asshats who only know forward at some fast speed bludgeoning and blustering their way forward. Some are like golf carts steadily chugging along at steady long play.

Good organizations have a variety of different types of employees, but there is no good functional organization without leaders, or a great leader, with a ‘play/pause’ panel.

Here is another truth.

The other way a good leader uses their ‘play/pause’ panel is how they think about possibilities. But we tend to make reality an even worse bastard. One thing we do that make reality worse is to convince ourselves that ‘the possibilities are infinite in any given moment.’

As I have stated before this is a false premise and a dangerously overwhelming premise. ‘Infinite’ sounds good conceptually, as does possibilities, but when it comes to real pragmatic decision-making the entire idea tends to overwhelm & freeze rather than enhance efficient & effective decision-making.

The reality is that within any given moment possibilities are finite.

And the good leaders & managers recognize that. The great leaders and managers not only see finite possibilities but they see each possibility as a window … some wide open, some slightly cracked and some closed. And in any given moment they have the ability to consistently scan the finite possibilities with a finger poised over their play/pause/rewind/fast forward buttons.

That consistency is at the foundation of any good leader’s value.

Shit. Consistency, in general, may have the highest value it has ever had in the history of Mankind.

Why? Well. Today’s world is structurally hostile to nuance. Subtlety not only doesn’t sell it invokes ‘space’ in which others are more than willing to place something. I mention this because a play/pause panel is all about nuance within the complexity of reality. It is easy to go one speed <or just stop when you get tired>. It takes touch and nuance to pause at the right time, rewind accordingly, fast forward through some difficulties or to take advantage of windows of opportunity or … well … just keep playing <which is sometime tougher than what you would think>.

This actually means great consistency is not about maintaining one speed but rather maintaining a consistent sense for how to adjust pacing accordingly.

This consistency is … well … complex. Business systems, more often than not, are a bit more complicated in their underlying dynamics than simplistic theory or simplistic diagrams attempting to create structure to an organization and its dynamics with the market & consumers/buyers/employees.

I would suggest that you cannot draw a picture for what is <because it is obsolete as soon as it is drawn> and you cannot draw a picture for what will be <because predicting multi-dimensional dynamics is outside the purview of reality>.

All that said.

That is why you cannot pay enough money to a business person who has the ability to know when to slow down to enable effective speeding up … or to pause to accept some responsibility <or explain> … or to fast forward at the right time.

That is why you cannot pay enough money to a business person who has the ability to stand still without really standing still. What I mean by that is the leader with a play/pause panel never really stands till <even though they may be pausing> because even a pause contains some activity and self-awareness to do something within that space.

===========

“She may be going to Hell, of course, but at least she isn’t standing still.”

e.e.cummings

===============

I talk about this entire topic often. And it is a difficult thing to explain.

In our business world today we like to have simple formulas and handbook guides. Pacing is more ‘feel’ and awareness and, well, yeah … some humility.

I say humility because no matter how good a leader you are and no matter how good your pacing is there will always be some issues <mostly because you get some things wrong>. Part of the ‘wrong’ portion is you inevitably leave some people behind and some ‘minds’ get a little scattered. And you have to get them back on track and aligned and sometimes you have to step up and show a little humanness and everyone resets when you do that, give you another chance and get a little re energized to pick up their bags and hit the road with you again.

Look.

Real play/pause management is midstream management and not in some grand 5 year, or annual, plan. Midstream where you have some critical learnings and maybe even some momentum or real shit hits the fan. You purposefully do not have everyone stop … just maybe pause … assess … kind of like having a fighter squadron get fuel in flight … and then fast forward on the mission.

I will say one thing about the proper use of pacing. Good pacing business management creates exponential dramatic speed increases — velocity in other words. This occurs even if you pause, rewind or maintain the current play.

I feel confident saying that reality, occurring on its own, shows that these dramatic shifts don’t really happen as part of a business status quo. Dramatic business shifts are situational, contextual and often simply do not happen because a business doesn’t have a business person who sees it, senses it or can steer it … they don’t have a business person with a good play/pause panel.

It is a proven fact <I think> that pacing is one of the most effective tools an organization can wield to effectively run a successful business. I would also suggest that more often than not this pacing is not driven by the market, Reality, but rather driven by one person <or several> who have the ability to sense a contextual shift in the dynamics within a situation. A person who doesn’t have a picture drawn to adapt against but can draw a picture of what they see & sense from which others can leverage from to generate speed.

Not everyone can do this.

===============

John Coltrane: “I don’t know what it is. It seems like when I get going, I just don’t know how to stop.”

Miles Davis: “Why don’t you try taking the horn out of your mouth?”

==============

What I do know is that a leader who has only one speed and who claims ‘good business instincts’ when it is really only one speed is not a great leader, nor a good leader, but rather a one-trick pony <one speed> leader and they have a habit of making bad choices.

Suffice it to say a one trick pony shouldn’t be a leader, it should be an employee.

========================

All are architects of Fate,

Working in these walls of Time;

Some with massive deeds and great,

Some with ornaments of rhyme.

Nothing useless is, or low

——-

Architects of Fate

===================

I don’t really believe in fate. And it appears good ole HW Longfellow didn’t believe in it either. He wrote a beautiful poem called The Builders (see below) suggesting that we, the people, are architects of fate.

In fact.

The beauty of what he writes (and this is a truly awesome thought) is that everyone does something, no matter how small or how large, that builds the structure of life. Yes. Every one of us, each and every one, plays some role in constructing the great construct of Life we all live in. That is a really nice thought. And a nice reminder that no matter how inconsequential we may feel or the things we do we play a part in the tapestry of life.

Now.

This is also true in business. I say that as a business guy with a long history in the service side of the business world.

The side of the world that you often feel helpless, often having to react, and often being forced to move about at the whim of someone else, and often feeling like you are not really doing anything important (because it is hard to see how what you are doing really matters).

Having said that and knowing that a lot of people really do feel this way I pull Architects of Fate out of my backpack.  I use this poem several times with companies to remind us, employees, that all our actions have consequences. Yes. Even the smallest actions.

Longfellow’s  words should encourage everyone to believe each action contributes to the structure of who we are as a company and what we do. Now THAT is a valuable thought in every organizational behavior or culture sense. It is an even more important valuable thought a leader should have (because if they do they will inevitably encourage all employee to feel that way).

And when everything is aligned. When everyone believes they can be an architect. It becomes a valuable thought in encouraging each employee to understand that their actions contribute to the architecture of the fate of the organization (no matter how inconsequential they may actually feel buried down in the mailroom or the bottomless pit of account receivables department or the office manager ordering heavy stock paper for the copier because someone is bitching).

I would also point out the practical side – productivity & output. It was my good friend Luke Sullivan who pointed this out in his book “hey whipple squeeze this” – thinking & creating matters but if there is no output there is no satisfaction. Real work. Actual things we do for customers or actions we take in front of customers. Each of these actions is a part of the overall tapestry of the architecture of the company. He also points out that each action often begets another action (in that once you have done something once it begins to feel more ‘okay’ to do it again … I would call that a slippery slope discussion).

Anyway.

As we hustle our way through each day trying to make sure we cross off everything on our to do lists and make our bosses happy and answer customer’s questions and requests it is good to remind ourselves we are truly architects of fate. It is good to remind people tht everything they do contributes to the grater architecture of what is and, maybe most importantly, what will be.

This pertains to your job, personal lie and the greater Life in general.

My advice? Be an architect. Go build.

The Builders

All are architects of Fate,

Working in these walls of Time;

Some with massive deeds and great,

Some with ornaments of rhyme.

Nothing useless is, or low;

Each thing in its place is best;

And what seems but idle show

Strengthens and supports the rest.

For the structure that we raise,

Time is with materials filled;

Our to-days and yesterdays

Are the blocks with which we build.

Truly shape and fashion these;

Leave no yawning gaps between;

Think not, because no man sees,

Such things will remain unseen.

In the elder days of Art,

Builders wrought with greatest care

Each minute and unseen part;

For the Gods see everywhere.

Let us do out work as well,

Both the unseen and the seen;

Make the house, where Gods may dwell,

Beautiful, entire, and clean.

Else our lives are incomplete,

Standing in these walls of Time,

Broken stairways, where the feet

Stumble as they seek to climb.

Build to-day, then, strong and sure,

With a firm and ample base;

And ascending and secure

Shall to-morrow find its place.

Thus alone can we attain

To those turrets, where the eye

Sees the world as one vast plain,

And one boundless reach of sky.

–          Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

—

“Haply the Law that rules the world allows to man the widest range;

And haply Fate’s a Theist-word, subject to human chance and change.

This “I” may find a future Life, a nobler copy of our own”.

=

Sir Richard Burton

—

Well.

I was tempted to call this “is this all there is?” … but instead decided on talking about being noble and finding what Sir Richard suggests is a future Life a nobler version of our own. I call it ‘a nobler version of I.”

I think anyone my age, of my generation, having either grinded out the day to day work life … or even loved every minute of the 2,800 work hour years invested <that last was me> … has stood back one day and said “is this all there is?” I would suggest in that little question we are actually questioning the bigger question — whether we are living a noble life <or ‘is there a nobler version of I?’>.

Now.

I love working. I am probably a borderline workaholic. It kills me a little each day I am not working. I have had two of my closer friends say in different words that my work defines me.

I cannot argue. And, frankly, I don’t want to. But that’s not the point <although it will contribute to my point>.

A significant amount of people in my generation are ‘dropping out of the rat race’ and shifting to ‘doing something that matters’ <let’s call it ‘doing something nobler’ for the sake of this post>. They are doing so like it is a light switch moment in Life.

Off with ambition and ‘work.’ On with noble and ‘purpose.’

Watching closely, younger people see what is happening, hear our words, and are questioning whether the work world my generation created isn’t lacking something or that there is something wrong with ‘this rat race they built.’ Therefore they are coming out of the blocks into the working world looking for careers ‘doing something that matters.’ Seeking to make some grand gesture or higher purpose investment of time & effort.

Well.

With all due respect to my generation <and hopefully young people listen and follow along> I think we are making a mistake. In my pea like brain I think this whole discussion of ‘purpose driven business’ or even ‘business with a conscious’ is kind of wacky. Ok. Maybe not wacky, because it has great intentions, but misguided. It is so, well, grand. I tend to believe we would be better off focusing on the gestures.

Teaching that work can be done with purpose … not TO a purpose.

Teaching that purpose doesn’t have to be grand … but rather working with purpose is noble in and of itself.

Inevitably it seems to me that we would be better served if we simply taught people <and encouraged people> to be the noblest version of themselves regardless of what they did in the working world and who they worked for.

Yes. We all want the ‘grand gesture.’ But. Maybe, instead, we should be seeking the ‘noble nudges.’

That said.

Living this way is something I call being a tugboat in Life. You nudge the ships around you keeping everyone and everything on course. Therefore being a ‘nobler version of I” can actually be found in nudging.  This means Purpose can be found in everyday actions. The largest benefit? You can be noble all the time. Even noble throughout what some people may call ‘the grind.’ In fact … I could argue that this is the noblest of noble living.

Nudging at exactly the right time … at the right moment <because, let’s face it, some moments are more important than others> and you can steer someone back on course.

You can be noble upwards <to someone who is managing you>. You can be noble downwards <to the ‘someones’ you manage>.

Noble is found in smallness. I learned early on in my career … working under the management of some spectacular managers <and spectacular people> that there were moments that if I could take one straw off their back, or even better, be aware enough to not put another straw on their back — it was a burden they could carry and make it to the next moment. My best team members did the same for me when I became  manager.

There are moments in work life where you can make a difference in people’s lives.

How they think.

How they adapt.

How they cope.

How they carry a burden they may have assumed.

Even how they make a decision <that could steer them down one path or another>.

Therein lies nobility. Emerson suggested the most valuable thing was an active soul. He called this active soul one which unites and animates the farthest pinnacle and the lowest trench.

I am sure my soul dwells more often in the trench. But I am confident if I remain true to myself and remain true to being as noble as possible <and the noblest version of I> I know I can not only dwell in the trench and be okay … but get to see, and maybe visit, the pinnacle on occasion.

I imagine, metaphorically, in Life and in our work life we must explore the farthest pinnacles and lowest trenches. Day to day can often be ‘the trench.’ And the trench … even if you live it nobly … is relentlessly unforgiving:

“We judge ourselves by our best intentions and most noble acts but we will be judged by our last worst act.”

Michael Josephson

We do our best … and most often our best is pretty good … good intentions and most noble acts. Yet. Even with good intentions … we make mistakes or miss things. And get judged on ‘our worst acts.’ Maybe that is why work is, well, called work.

Work is called work <and not pleasure or leisure> because it is … well … work. Working, in and of itself, is not a purpose but HOW you actually conduct yourself as you work can be done with purpose. In fact. If you choose to do so, work can be done in a nobler fashion and with noble intent.

How was I able to work 2800 hours year after year? I imagine that without realizing it was because I embraced the nobler aspects, the nudges, of the everyday work. The belief that if I was aware enough I could measure up to scrutiny of nobility by doing the right things in the right moments. The moments that not only made good shit happen, but happen to make good people be the best they could be.

Is that not success?

Is that not living a life with purpose … or maybe better said … living life purposefully?

And isn’t this having a career with a purpose?

Having a successful career and making a difference doesn’t have to be made up of some grand gesture nor is it simply found in the company vision you work at. Success, and nobility, resides in HOW you do what you do — how you go about it and how ‘noble’ you are in your attitude & behavior.

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“How melancholy a thing is success. Whilst failure inspirits a man, attainment reads the sad prosy lesson that all our glories “Are shadows, not substantial things.” Truly said the sayer, “disappointment is the salt of life” a salutary bitter which strengthens the mind for fresh exertion, and gives a double value to the prize.”

Sir Richard Burton

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I worry my generation is disappointed with their careers and work life for the wrong reasons. We are melancholy with this thing we called success and profits and momeny and “things”. Maybe we are melancholy because our noble glory was to be found in nudges and not grand gestures and we forgot about the importance of the little things that make up HOW we do things.

Anyway.

A nobler version of I. I cannot think of many things better to be aspiring to — a nobler version of ourselves.

But maybe we should be teaching how it can be done in the everyday work Life rather than treating it as if it is a light switch Life decision.

In the end.

I will always seek to find a nobler version of I … in everything that I do. That said. I sleep well at night.

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Originally published April 2014

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