——

цветы необычайной красоты

translation: “flowers of unusual beauty”

<note: these words are pulled from a random piece of Russian poetry … or maybe a very old song … I am not sure which … in which the full line is “and in the neutral zone … flowers of unusual beauty …” … it is a metaphorical reference to the beauty of fragile freedom that lies within the space between old West Germany and East Germany>

—-

Mashkawizii

translation: “strong … inner strength”

—–

The title of this uses two words – one Russian and one Ojibwe <Chippewa>.

That said. I tend to believe both inner strength and character not only lies within each of us, but actually represent the secret to Life <‘secret’ being metaphorical>.

Why? Well. I had to pick up a copy of The Secret in order to have a quasi intelligent conversation with a friend of mine <my thoughts on The Secret – , p.s. – don’t read if you like the book>.

Suffice it to say I believe, despite what the books says, there is no one secret to Life.

The secret actually is finding the key that unlocks your own inner strength, or inner character or inner passion or <to keep with the thought> the key that opens the door to your own flowers of unusual beauty. Yup. The secret is finding the flowers of unusual beauty that lie within your own walls and give them freedom to prosper in the light of day.

The secret is finding your ‘mashkawizii’ – the strength that lies within you. Now. This is a very personal individualist thing. It is not a formula and most likely not replicable <therefore I cannot write a book telling anyone what the ‘one thing’ is>.

Which makes this topic tough.

Because Life can be really really tough on us. Relentless in fact. And it would be nice if you could hand something to everyone and say “use this, it will help.” There is no one secret, but I would suggest inside everyone and, yes, I mean everyone, there is a flower of unusual beauty and strength.

No book will tell you the secret to unlocking it.

I kind of even doubt a person can tell you the secret to unlocking it.

Only one person has the key – yourself.

Now. I am not suggesting this is easy nor do I believe you always get it right the first time. Because sometimes it gets pretty dark inside as doubts & insecurities cluster around like shadows following closely on your footsteps as you look in the corners for what you seek. In addition it is kind of like a Rubiks cube of shifting thoughts and ideas inside you as you experience things. All of it makes this difficult, but I imagine secrets to life wouldn’t be easy if they were actually worthwhile to figure out.

Oh. This all gets complicated <worsened> because sometimes you find people who just don’t believe they have this inner strength or flower of beauty. I feel very very safe in giving this one piece of advice — if you run into one of these people … stop … and tell them they are wrong. 100% wrong.

It is there. They just haven’t recognized it yet. But. Everyone has it.

Everyone.

No matter how hard Life has been and hardened the walls of doubts, despair and disappointments within you, there will always remain … well … цветы необычайной красоты … a flower of unusual beauty.

Mashkawizii or цветы необычайной красоты it is within you and worth finding.

I call it character <probably because I am neither Ojibwe nor Russian>.

Now. While The Secret suggests happiness <or ‘attitude’> is the key to life & success I cannot guarantee that for you if you focus on my thought.

Nope. Sorry.

Heck. I cannot even suggest happiness, in & of itself, is the key to Life & success <because it seems more like an outcome than an objective>. But. What I can guarantee is that your “happies” will be more meaningful if they are a reflection of what is within because then your happy moments will always be full & have depth.

Oh. In addition. And I think I can guarantee <this is not a price back guarantee though> that your un-happies will be liveable. They won’t kill you. Maybe better said you will have the mashkawizii to be strong and hold on <without losing yourself in the process> until Life decides to move along to the next phase. This is a corollary to what I suggested on happy moments <they are more full>. This thought is in the darkest unhappy moments you will never completely empty because you’re not dependent upon anything superficial but instead relying on your ‘inner flower.’

But that is just what I think. And please do not tell me a book can give you the secret to Life.

That said. Because some people push back on how harshly I judge The Secret let me say this. While I just said I do not want anyone telling me a book can give you “the secret” to Life I will add <and I am very consistent on this> that while I do not believe people should foolishly and blindly pursue ‘get rich fast’ tricks to Life, I also believe that people need to do what they need to do to get through Life.

So, if The Secret gets you closer to where you want to go … use it.

Heck. Use any book <I suggest the Bible, Torah or Koran provides a nice possible foundation to start with> that helps you. Just be smart about whatever you gotta do to get your head straight and seek out your own ‘flowers of unusual beauty’ which reside within you.

Ponder.

===========

“The advantage of the incomprehensible is that it never loses its freshness.”

Paul Valéry

==========

“The moment you decide an event is impossible and therefore stop directing your attention to it is the moment when it will take place.”

General Petro Grigorenko

========

“This may be the most important proposition revealed by history: ‘At the time, no one knew what was coming.”

Haruki Murakami

=================

Well. I have lots of discussions about the future with people and it continuously surprises me on how confident people are with regard to what will, or will not, happen. In fact, I find it slightly incomprehensible until I remember that the incomprehensible, in all its forms, has a certain allure.

The incomprehensible has a certain freshness of inevitable believability that some people are addicted to <and blind to the possibility it will never happen>.

Uh oh.

The incomprehensible has a certain inevitable un-believability that some people are married to (and blind to the possibility it could actually occur>. The incomprehensible appeals to both those convinced it will never happen and to those who are convince it will happen.

Now. That said. We attack the incomprehensible in a variety of ways trying to comprehend it.

Research/experimenting

Innovation methodology: stage gating as an example

Pick your “assessing likelihood of incomprehensible” methodology but, well, 90% of new businesses fail, over 60% of new products fail and The Law of Unintended Consequences guarantees the unforeseen is almost more likely to happen than the foreseen. Yet. Even all that knowledge doesn’t slow us down one bit with our love/hate relationship with the unknown, i.e., the incomprehensible. We love the thought of finding something that seemed incomprehensible. We love that ‘holy shit’ feeling.

Here is the weird thing. Despite our love of the incomprehensible we plan our days to the minute, plan projects and tasks in excruciating detail and ‘plan out’ to eliminate any risk and uncertainty and, well, incomprehensible we can feasibly plan out. I would point out that all this really does is foster the timeless tradition of second guessing and seeking blame as soon as the incomprehensible occurs.

Regardless.

The incomprehensible always remains fresh because, as a Life truth, it consistently confirms to us that at no time no one knew what was coming.

Yup.

You can be pessimistic <and be proven right … or wrong>.

You can be optimistic <and be proven right … or wrong>.

But, in general, before being proven anything, you are guessing. Sure. You can make an educated guess, and the odds may be higher or lower based on what you decide to do, but someone is lying if they say “I knew it was going to end up that way” or “we should have seen that coming.”

That’s bullshit. We do not know. We often guess <sometimes well, sometimes not so well> under the guise of planning. Maybe worse is we often guess under the guise of ‘scrutinizing history.’

Uh oh. A fact.

‘History teaches by analogy, not identity.’

Henry Kissinger

People tend to mistake a study of history, or a historical moment, for proof of what is to come and, in fact, it sure does look like a frickin’ smart thing to do when going backwards in time and connecting dots <even when the connection is tenuous at best>. But, just a reminder about what Hank said: History teaches by analogy, not identity. This means that the lessons of history are never automatic or formulas for the future. The truth is that they can be apprehended only by admitting a range of multidimensional factors <unique context matters>, assessing the significance of each factor <individually and in combinations – I believe that is called “complimentarity”> and that the answers we obtain will never be better than the questions we pose.

————————–

“From this, one can make a deduction which is quite certainly the ultimate truth of jigsaw puzzles: despite appearances, puzzling is not a solitary game: every move the puzzler makes, the puzzlemaker has made before; every piece the puzzler picks up, and picks up again, and studies and strokes, every combination he tries, and tries a second time, every blunder and every insight, each hope and each discouragement have all been designed, calculated, and decided by the other.”

Georges Perec, Life A User’s Manual

=======

Like it or not situations exist in time more than in space. At any given moment a moment is but a collection of individuals and things bringing to bear all their collective experiences and things. Reassembling that multi-dimension of ‘collective’ is next to impossible. What this means is that when viewing the past incomprehensible, trying to make it comprehensible, you will find it is contingent to a unique set of factors.

===============

“For the lessons of historical experience, as of personal experience, are contingent.

They teach the consequences of certain actions, but they cannot force recognition of comparable situations.

Henry Kissinger

==============

Uhm. Cannot force recognition of comparable situations.  This is why I scratch my head when some people are so sure on the future. If the incomprehensible is contingent upon a unique set of factors than you would have to be able to look into some crystal ball which unravels what will BE unique (that is impossible isn’t it?) to see what the future configuration of contingent factors is.

Well. That’s nuts. No one can do that.

In the end.

I believe all of us would probably like to have a better sense of how to plan for the future and to better understand the best and proper actions to take to maximize the future in some form or fashion.

Therefore we do the best we can, most often that means examining the past to assess actions affecting the future, trying to understand consequences for our decisions yet to be made. The intent is good and true.

However. We should never confuse honest intent with ‘what is right.’

We simply hear the echoes of footsteps but never meet their owners until they actually enter our lives. And, frankly, you cannot control all that ‘are coming by and by into our lives.’ At each point in time no one knew what was coming, therefore, no one can truly know what is coming. I imagine it is helpful for us to remind ourselves on occasion that just when we are absolutely positively 100% sure that something is impossible or incomprehensible — it occurs.

Just remember this about the incomprehensible. We don’t know what we don’t know AND we don’t know half of what we really do know. It is difficult to accept the fact that today, in the moment, in the middle of change, no one … let me repeat … NO ONE has the right answer. We are simply asking the right questions at the moment and doing our best to adapt as we learn.

And therein maybe lies the greatest lesson about the incomprehensible – change is about adapting.

Sure. Having a vision is good and there are multiple ways to reach the ‘end game. But, in the end, change is change and the incomprehensible is the incomprehensible. Plus. If we knew exactly what the change was and what was needed and what was truly incomprehensible and what wasn’t, well, we would be really smart sonuvabitches, wouldn’t we ? Almost incomprehensible to think that though. Ponder.

=================

Prouver que j’ai raison serait accorder que je puis avoir tort. -Pierre Augustin Caron de Beaumarchais

“Proving that I am right would be admitting that I could be wrong.”

=================

“No enterprise can exist for itself alone.

It ministers to some great need, it performs some great service, not for itself, but for others…or failing therein, it ceases to be profitable and ceases to exist.”

Calvin Coolidge

==================

“Let’s be honest. There’s not a business anywhere that is without problems. Business is complicated and imperfect. Every business everywhere is staffed with imperfect human beings and exists by providing a product or service to other imperfect human beings.”

Bob Parsons

=========================

Originally posted in 2017

Let me take a minute and discuss “fraternite” in business.

Just a reminder but “fraternite” is one of the  French values of Liberté, Fraternité and Egalité (“liberty, equality, fraternity/brotherhood” the national motto of France).

Anyway. Business. Inevitably a great organization exhibits both efficient AND effective progress. What typically creates that combination is part discipline, part structure (systems), part leadership, all glued together by “fraternité”. That ‘glue’ is most often discussed in the American business world as ‘a vision’ or maybe ‘a purpose’ or even ‘culture.’ We do so because we Americans hate any kind of lack of specificity. But the truth is that the most common bond of a great organization is a more nebulous concept, i.e., one of “fraternité”.

Or.

“Any man aspires to liberty, to equality, but he cannot achieve it without the assistance of other men, without fraternity.”

Napoleon

Oddly enough, while this sounds like relatively common sense, I kind of feel like business itself needs a revolution to overturn the current thinking to accommodate what should be common sense.

What do I mean? Current business is kind of in a wacky spot. It talks a lot about vision and purpose and culture as if they are “things” — like maybe a lighthouse anyone can see as they bob around the chaotic sea of business life to find a way home. By the way, I would argue that is a very individualistic thought — “I can find my way home” type thought – and not really a team thought <but that could quite easily be debated>.

Regardless. Fraternity is more like “everyone not only knowing what they need to do to keep the ship afloat but actually pitching in whether needed or not because they love the ship itself.” That may sound like some wacky nuance, but I have to warn people that revolutions can kind of gain some momentum off of some fairly wacky things on occasion. By the way, this thought is a more nebulous “I feel this way” aspect of organizational culture and, as noted many times, if it cannot be measured or indexed or scored.

** note: most older leaders into today’s business just don’t like that kind of shit – things they cannot measure or score.

Anyway. Not to beat this metaphor to death, but I do believe we need a semi-revolution in the way business organizations are created and run and managed. I think we may need that revolution because “fraternité” as a core principle just ain’t the way business is run today. And, yes, it should be viewed as a “core” principle because … uhm … when discipline falls apart, when structure falls apart, when leadership falls apart what keeps you on the battlefield and fighting is … yeah … “fraternité.” Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of people talk about a “community” or “company team” or some other nice sounding platitude which sounds a lot like “fraternité”, but its mostly lip service. Its lip service because fraternité is a ‘collective’ thought and most businesses reward and incentivize individuals.

Anyway. On a bigger organizational level I worry about how an idea like this is getting suffocated by generational issues <younger people desire something and older people think they know the best> and maybe an outcome-is-the-only-thing-that-matters worldview versus a belief business should incorporate altruistic aspects. Both of those conflicts are HUGE issues. I have written about in 1200+ word thought pieces on both of these but, on the former, the best piece I can share is from Corporate Rebels “Cut The Crap: The Made-Up Nonsense About Generations At Work” which states all people want meaning at work (regardless of age or generational label).

I actually believe we need some revolutionary thinking on the latter. To me we have a bunch of people who look at business and turn away to non-profit because … well … I fear that they only believe they can change the world through more altruistic pursuits and not traditional business. And, yes, they are important and good pursuits but, from a larger perspective, business drives the world. Business makes shit that makes lives easier and healthier and impacts the home and life in ways that it is difficult to imagine let alone outline in a few words <and the business office/working groups creates behavioral cues which ripple out into culture>.

Somehow … someway … we need to insert the ‘believers of principles and principled behavior’ into the business world with all of their ambition and hope and remind them, empower them and enable them that they can change the world.

That they can make the world a better place. They can make society and people and lives better. And they can do it in and through business, not just altruistic career opportunities. If we do that, and do that well, I tend to believe we will build more organizations driven at its core by a sense of “fraternité” rather than a bunch of documents setting out some guiding or shared values, vision and purpose which everyone says “okay … let’s do that.”

What I do know is that … well … read the following quote:

====================

“I have found no greater satisfaction than achieving success through honest dealing and strict adherence to the view that, for you to gain, those you deal with should gain as well.”

Alan Greenspan

===============================

I do believe we need to be drawing some lines in business. And I don’t mean company handbook type lines or even some well-crafted ‘lines’ in “how we conduct our business” or “who we are” but maybe they are more lines with regard to some unwritten principles.

I say that because when you can gather a group of people together who share a strong set of principles they will walk straight into a hail of bullets to not only survive, but to get good shit done.

==========

“Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.

Oscar Wilde

===========

Now. Business absolutely makes dealing with your principles a constant struggle. It can kind of suffocate your principles in between the pragmatic aspects of getting shit done <discipline & structure> and how that shit is designed to meet specific objectives/results and the faux burden of some vision or grander purpose which “you know is important to us therefore it should be important to you”, i.e., extrinsic importance not intrinsic importance. Frankly, when suffocated by these bookends you don’t have a lot of elbow room for any type of true, intangible, unsolicited camaraderie.

The fraternité is more forced than natural. Obviously, when it is not natural it is not as strong.

In the end.

Fraternité in business. I believe we have forgotten this. And while I do believe many of us have forgotten how to draw lines with regard to our principles I tend to believe business, in general, has simply decided to just draw lines <in a box in fact> and say “there you go”, i.e., there are your principles and rules for camaraderie.

That is kind of whack.

Look. I can honestly tell you that being a senior leader in a business and organization you like <you do not have to love> may be one of the greatest experiences anyone can ever have. What makes that experience truly great is when you are fortunate enough to foster something intangible, something that really cannot be measured, and something which doesn’t earn you some performance bonus at the end of the year … it is when you stumble upon the sense of fraternité.

I am sure some organizational guru will send me a link to “steps to build a fraternité organization” and … well … good for them. I tend to believe this is one of those intangible things that is created less by some “how to” guide or some formula and more by simple good intentions combined with some good discipline, construct and leadership. To steal another word from the motto, by creating a fraternité organization you inevitably create liberté for the organization to be the best version of what it can be.

This is what I thought about today and “liberty, equality, fraternity <brotherhood>”. With that I imagine I should end with where I began … no enterprise can exist for itself alone. That is the foundation for a fraternité organization. Ponder.

========================

“What I fear I avoid.

What I fear I pretend does not exist.

What I fear is quietly killing me.

Would there were a festival for my fears, a ritual burning of what is coward in me, what is lost in me.

Let the light in before it is too late. “

 Jeanette Winterson from “The Green Man”

===================

“Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go.”

Unknown

==============

Well <part 1>.

I just read a an article in one of those local papers you can pick up at Healthy Grocery stores which attempted to discuss how this time of the year <October/November/December> is the season of ‘decay and death’ … and how it was a potent time to connect with the dead <and highlighted several celebrations around the world which do just that>.

This thought was combined with the thought we human folk balk at connecting with death because it … well … seems morbid to do so.

and summer regrets

               getting rid

       of winter wishes

summer and i

=======

Well <part 2>.

I balk at the whole concept of ‘decay & death’ as well as the ‘morbid‘ thought.

Simplistically, seasons remind of us the cycle of Life <not death> and that death, in and of itself a sad event, contains at its very core the very simple concept that without Death, there is no Life. This was immortalized in pop culture by Blood Sweat & Tears in their absolutely fabulous song “and when I die”:

====

And when I die and when I’m dead, dead and gone,
there’ll be one child born and a world to carry on, to carry on.

I’m not scared of dying and I don’t really care.
If it’s peace you find in dying, well, then let the time be near.
If it’s peace you find in dying, when dying time is here,
just bundle up my coffin cause it’s cold way down there,
I hear that’s it’s cold way down there, yeah, crazy cold way down there.
And when I die and when I’m gone,
there’ll be one child born and a world to carry on, to carry on.

====

While each Life is a stepping stone for every future generation each death represents a stepping stone for … well … the future.

I don’t need any Eastern religion wisdom to remind me of this, I think we all know this.

Now, I will admit that connecting with this thought is much much easier for us when we remove any personalized death and accept it as simply a turning of generations. Therefore, one of the reasons we do not celebrate death is because it can get too personal. And if that is a reason it sure as hell is a good one.

But death itself?

While death is something we dislike, facing seasons remain something we must face year in and year out. It is a constant affirmation of the turning of time and that some things we may have gained will most likely be inevitably lost in the natural turn of time.

And, yes, as we near January 1st, I am reminded that Winter is the time of Life’s strategic retreat and conservation of what gives it all life.

It is not death. And it is not decay.

It is Life’s thoughtful way to insure its existence and survival.

It is the time of incubation and rest and restoration for all things to come in the following year.

I could also suggest that winter is a time of reflection and, well, comfort. In winter’s dark nights the stars are at their clearest and we have the opportunity to see them as the sparks of potential and wishes and dreams and Life. Uhm. And dreaming is never a bad thing particularly during the ‘ebb tide of seasonal Life.’

I will not argue that as Life recedes in autumn and rests in winter we do, at least emotionally, get closer to connecting with death, but I do balk at thinking of autumn & winter as ‘things associated with death.’

I would argue it actually does a nice job of reminding us we need to let go of things. and, sure, maybe we connect with ‘the dead’ better at this time because it reminds us to celebrate what we had and embrace letting go.

And that is the thing about winter, it demands to not only be felt but also that you meet it on its terms. Even better Winter demands us to let go of things we most typically hold onto with ragged claws.

You cannot refuse its existence and you cannot ignore what was because what is … is … well … is starkly different. Where Life was once obvious it is now starkly absent.

I would note that all Eastern mysticism and ‘being in touch with the universe’ and the ‘natural ebb of the earth’ and all that stuff, at its core, just suggests that we pay attention. In other words, pay attention to whatever energy seasons give us and more often than not that energy it gives us is … uhm … just good ole fashioned thinking. It gives us the energy to think about our lives, lives lost and lives yet to be lived.

Acknowledgement of all of that increases your overall connection not just with ‘the universe’, but rather to the eternal pattern of life and invests a sense of energy into pretty much everything <yourself and Life>.

And just as Death breaks things down to the bare essence, winter does the same.

And maybe that is the connection.

When things are at their barest, when we are drawn closer to endings rather than beginnings, we inevitably ponder the ‘great perhaps.’

Back in September I wrote this on the first day of Fall:

I think we all seek a great perhaps of “what I know can be”. I think we all know what a better world really looks like. I think we all want to see the beauty that can be found in what is better in everyone.

And maybe it is within Fall and the falling leaves we begin to better grasp that failed plans and failed dreams can beget new plans and new dreams. And maybe it is within Winter where , in ts barest of bare essences, we are forced to begin envisioning what could be in plans and dreams because it is left to us standing in the bare environment around us.

What I do know about all seasons is that they are markers of Time and, poetically speaking, Time is always hungry for many of the things we dearly want to endure and do.

This makes Time both beautiful and doomed. Yeah. Time is beautiful and doomed. And that is where I really believe the whole ‘morbid time of the year’ goes astray.

for it seems all of Fall’s stars

                       have fallen

and often summer and i

run through the last warm days

through the cool grass

       gathering stars caught in people’s dreams

with the intent

           to toss them to Winter

through windows of dawn.

Summer & i

======

We, especially in the West, hunger for time.

Conversely, time itself <to us Western folk> has a hunger and its hunger is for ‘things.’

It is a nasty emptiness waiting to be filled.

Well.

If there is one thing humans are fucking great at, it is filling time and stuffing whatever we can into any emptiness we can find.

Death and dying makes us reflect. It forces us to do so. Just as the bare often starkness of Winter does.

And it makes us reflect on what ‘stuff’ we have crammed into whatever Time we have had.

Oh. Maybe what it really forces us to do is reflect upon time. and that is where death truly makes us feel uncomfortable, not any morbid feeling, but rather it’s just that we have been indoctrinated to focus on living, living life to its fullest, not wasting any time, to do lists that never get completed and just doing shit <just do it!>.

Nowhere in that list of shit I just shared does death have a place. In fact. Death represents the exact opposite of everything society & our culture almost demands we think about 24/7.

And when forced to face death, or feel a need to connect, we are much less likely to celebrate but rather assess … assess our ‘doing mantra’ versus ‘stop.’

Look.

Most of us don’t purposefully ignore connecting with death and those who have passed away because of sadness <because if it were we would be more likely to actually do it because the opposite of sadness is reflecting upon the inevitable happiness>, but rather because death and past lives force us to reflect upon our ‘doing accomplishment’ <as well as it forces us to stop … which compounds the feeling of ‘shit, I haven’t done enough and I am not doing anything now’>.

Yeah.

If you can get beyond the ‘doing’ aspect, inherently death is more about sadness <loss of something or someone or time> more so than morbidity. Conquer the sadness and you have conquered death.

And all of this is just not that difficult <if you are willing to actually think about it>.

Several cultures do celebrate the autumnal solstice as the time life & death is closest. I would argue it is less a celebration but rather recognition of that which came before, and that which is dying, so that what will be will come forth.

Generations beget generations just as falls beget springs.

Death begets life.

This doesn’t mean we should celebrate impending death but rather recognize, even in sadness, life & beauty resides in the future.

Fall is of beautiful dying.

Winter is of starkness of death.

Spring is of rebirth from death.

This doesn’t mean you can find beautiful things to enjoy throughout any season.  Seasons simply remind us of the fact time does not stand still and no matter how hard we try and fill up the emptiness time offers us day in and day out … leaves fall, winter comes and spring arises.

I believe it is the Celtic wheel of the year describes this time of the year as Samhain — “the veil between the worlds is thin.” Just as several other cultures, they use his time to reflect upon “that which was.” In my pea like brain it is a celebration of navel gazing. It is an intentional event to purposefully explore the valuable relationship not only between Life and Death but the past and the future.

Listen to the cry of falling leaves,

            but winter breaks the silence

and warms us with words

of how to change it all

      before the Fall completely ends.

So, So

Look.

I don’t believe we do not celebrate death and dying because we think it is morbid. I tend to believe we do not traditionally do so because we, as in Western civilization versus Eastern, don’t celebrate reflection.

We treat reflection more as  a personal thing and not a larger more public event and celebration.

Should we celebrate reflection? Shit. I don’t know. But understanding that seasons can offer us enlightening thoughts about how we actually think about death & Life & holding on & letting go is surely not a bad thing.

As for Fall and Winter? I do not think of death and decay. I actually think of flowers.

Huh?

I credit Mark Strand for making me think Winter is the time to bring flowers into your Life as he describes Winter in his poem called Blizzard of One:

“A time between times, a flowerless funeral. No more than that …”

Mark Strand <Blizzard of One>

Every funeral deserves flowers. Every Winter deserves thoughts of Life. Ponder.

=========

“A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.”

Jean de La Fontaine

===================

“But I live elsewhere; it is only that the attraction of the human world is so immense, in an instant it can make one forget everything. Yet the attraction of my world too is strong.”

Franz Kafka

============

So. We talk a lot about the fact you cannot run away from things and far less about avoiding.

Yeah.

We talk about procrastination, which is a version of avoiding, but avoiding, in this piece’s case, is more along the lines of ‘ignoring’. Ignoring meant by that you see the world that you want to live in and conduct yourself in and go about ignoring the rest of the world doing your own thing. That is simply a different version of ignoring the real world. Simplistically you are assuming that the world & Life, in general, is indifferent to you therefore you will go unnoticed and just be able to do what you want to do <in  a less unfettered way than if you actually remained engaged in the ‘other world’>.

Sounds good, doesn’t it?

I will say that avoiding some of the more undesirable aspects of Life and the world is pretty appealing. I would also suggest that avoiding some of the more undesirable aspects of Life and the world is pretty unrealistic.

There are a number of reasons I say that, but suffice it to say the overwhelming amount of information, even within the narrower walls of a business, is stunning. In the good old days even the worst of things worth avoiding <lies, conspiracies & implications> needed a little time to grow to some size that they became unavoidable. In today’s world those same things need seconds to gain some traction and minutes to grow to some size that they are unavoidable.

Today Google processes 61,000+ search queries a second. That’s something like over 5 billion+ queries a day. This means information is everywhere — regardless whether it is good information or bad information.

Today 99% of all employees in business are online and nearly 50% of the entire world is online and with 5.27 billion people have a mobile device <which, depressingly, means more people have a mobile device than have running water>.

My point here is not about the challenges of being interconnected with so much information driven by technology, but rather avoiding the world is just not a viable option <no matter how attractive it may seem>.

But please do not focus on technology. Technology is simply a means. Without people technology is simply an unused ancient aqueduct. It is people which make avoiding impossible <technology just enables their ability to not be avoided more>.

My version of this is office politics. I hate office politics. Ok. Not just hate … I believe it is people wasting energy and all I want to do is to focus on getting the good shit done.

In a perfect world you can decide to avoid the real world of the office intrigue and just do what you believe is the right thing to do for the business and ‘do.’

It isn’t avoiding by ignoring it is more like avoiding by deciding to ride the parallel rail on a train track.

Unfortunately the business world, and the world in general, doesn’t work that way. No matter how much I may have wished to run on a parallel track it actually works more like an atom in which we all circle the business at some maddening speed in which you crisscross with even the shit you want to avoid.

This gets compounded in several ways … two of which would be:

• Someone will always make what you are doing political even if it is not.

Office politics always contain people who play politics to meet their own ends. That is their means to do so. I believe these people can only see the world through the eyes of palace intrigue and political maneuvering therefore they filter everything done by everyone through a filter of “what do they have to gain by doing that.” That is their first filter level. Yeah. Eventually they may get to the more important “what does the business have to gain by doing that”, but they almost always judge everything being done on a ‘who is a winner and loser’ scale.

• Someone will always find something nefarious in what you are doing.

I will not call this conspiracy thinking but, in general, a business culture more often than not breeds a sense that <a> everyone is out for themselves and <b> there is no such thing as a truly altruistic business motivation.

And while it would be naïve of me to suggest that avoiding those two thoughts as ‘stupid & untrue’ it is a little sad that those beliefs pretty much are somewhere in every organization.

Please note, once again, the people aspect in everything I have noted. You may want to avoid things, but you will find your destiny along the path you have chosen strewn with a shitload of people crossing your path — many uninvited and many unwelcome.

I would suggest that Life is best lived by not ignoring shit and avoiding shit, but rather stepping into the world and deal with it. Sometimes that may mean side stepping some of the shit you don’t want to deal with and sometimes that may mean bludgeoning your way over and through some of the shit you don’t want to deal with, but if you do this you actually have some control over your own destiny. I say that because the problem with trying to maintain your Life on a parallel track, and knowing that inevitably it will be crossed by people & shit you had been purposefully avoiding, is that you will always be reacting to the bullshit rather than proactively facing it.

Look.

While you may not care about business or business politics my point is my point — you cannot avoid the world to conduct yourself in the ways & means you want to conduct yourself. You are stuck with the world, and in the world, whether you like it or not.

Oh.

The other thing you are stuck with is the fact whether you stay on the road engaged with the world or take another road to try and avoid it, well, you will meet your destiny no matter which way you go. Ponder that.

——–

“To the world you may be one person; but to one person you may be the world.”

Dr. Seuss

——-

Well.

It occurred to me when I was writing “giving yourself away” that I had, with the best of intentions, shared a selfish perspective on giving yourself away and that there is an unselfish perspective. Yes. There is unselfish giving yourself away. These are the people who simply help people, giving pieces of themselves away, because … well … that is what they do and who they are.

These people, the few, have a gift.

I know of one for sure .. probably a couple.

The gift is that they always seek to give a piece of themselves away if they see someone in pain, burdened by something, or just see a person needing to know that there is someone in the world who cares.

They do this regardless of the other person being friend or foe or even known or unknown. They simply seek to, metaphorically, give a piece of themselves away to insure the other person has something good to hold on to when things look or feel bad.

What this means is, without trying to be the world to one person, they often end up being just that <even if but just for a moment>.

This is a gift.

It is a gift in that these people have an unending capacity to give themselves away.

I think in biology it is called regeneration. The body’s ability to give a piece away and have it regrow on the body. That is a gift these people have. It is a gift because they never get exhausted giving themselves away piece by piece. It is a gift because they never lose enough of themselves to not have more pieces to give away.

—

“You will leave a little piece of yourself with everyone you imagine,” he said.

“You will get exhausted trying to give yourself away.”

So. Giving yourself away and never getting exhausted.

I think I will call this unselfish capacity. It can be called unselfish because of something called “needs.”

We all have needs.

Needs, in the harshest light, pretty much stand in the spotlight of selfishness.

And, yet, the people with the gift I am speaking of seem to have such a huge unselfish capacity that their own needs seemed to get squeezed out of the selfish spotlight and are willing to stand to the side in the shadows.

Yeah. That is the gift these people have.

There is another aspect of the unselfish capacity.

I will call it the ‘saving someone’ aspect.

My perspective on this one is mainly a business perspective.

When I managed groups and departments of people I loved picking up other managers ‘discards.’ The staff that they had given up on as too flawed or unmanageable. At that time, in my mind, no one wasn’t manageable. I believed as a manager I could ‘save anyone & everyone.’ But when I began managing companies and larger organizations I found I didn’t have the capacity to ‘save everyone.’ I became a harsher judge and jury with regard to staff.

I mention this because not too long ago I told a co-worker who was evaluating a potential hire, with some glaringly obvious cultural fit challenges, that ‘you can’t save everyone.’  He looked at me and said “I know … but why not try?”

The only answer I could give is that ‘if you give too much of yourself away in doing so you end up exhausted … or a shell of your former self having given too much of yourself away.’

Silly me.

I forgot that I am not everyone.

I had forgotten there are people with a gift. An unselfish capacity of which I do not have. These people not only believe they can ‘save everyone’, but have the capacity to actually try to do so. That, my friends, is a gift.

Anyway.

The ‘giving yourself away unselfishly’ people.

The world needs these people.

We needed them in the past. We need them in the present. We will need them in the future.

I imagine I owe an apology to these few gifted people for what I wrote in my original giving yourself away post.

Instead of apologizing I offer this post and the words you just read.

Giving yourself away is tricky.

And not everyone has the same capacity, or gift, to do it and do it sincerely with no emotional baggage attached to the giving.

So. Appreciate the few who can.

—

“You will leave a little piece of yourself with everyone you imagine,” he said.

“You will get exhausted trying to give yourself away.”

————-

“I wonder how much of what weighs me down is not mine to carry.”

Aditi

——————–

“I ruined myself for a lot of people that weren’t even worth it.”

Unknown

================

Ok. I like every single one of the quotes I began with because they’re not blaming anyone else for their problems. That said. While this topic is mostly about ‘self’, let me be clear, keeping yourself whole is one of the most difficult challenges in Life.

Why?

Well. We all have a tendency to give little pieces of ourselves away — with good intentions <most of the time>. And then there will be times you have a piece taken away.

Regardless.

If you are not careful not only do you get tired, but you have nothing left to give.

Oh.

And at exactly the same time you run the risk of accepting some shit from other people and end up having to carry it around <along with your own shit>. This shit is not only their problems or issues, but more dangerously — their perceptions and attitudes.

Uhm. The ‘what they believe’ type shit.

I will note here that other people’s thoughts, perceptions & attitudes can be the heaviest burden you can ever assume. So while you give yourself away piece by piece you are inevitably gathering up pieces of other people. When things get completely out of balance this means you can actually be carrying around more of other people <and their wacky opinions> then your own.

Scary, huh?  Kind of makes you hesitate to give yourself away.

Ok.

Maybe this means I am talking about being selfish. And actually finding a positive aspect of selfish. Because, yes, there is a twinge of selfishness in deciding to not give yourself away.

I say that because there are always people wanting a piece of you.

Especially if you are worth a shit.

But even if you are not worth a shit other people are always in need of something more than what they have and will always seek to get what they need.

Sometimes this is meant with good intentions.

Sometimes it clearly is with bad intentions.

Intentions or not, at all times, if you ‘play’, you give yourself away.

What this means is that if you are not very very <very> careful you can ruin yourself by giving yourself away. I say ‘very careful’ because it can happen piece by piece. So ‘being careful’ brings me back to the selfish thought.

You have a right to set respectful boundaries.

You have a right to decide when to give something away, of yourself, and when not to.

You have a right to tell the world “I have nothing left to give.”

You have a right to take care of yourself, your whole self, first.

———-

“It’s okay to care about yourself the most.

It’s okay to do what’s healthy for YOU. When someone hits you, it’s okay to hit back and then ask them what the hell they expected.

It’s okay. You are not obligated to sit there and smile and swallow every bit of shit everyone heaps on you.

You are more than furniture, you’re more than window dressing, you’re not their shiny toy.

You’re human, and you have the right to say “That was shitty of you”.

You have a right to say “Let me feed that back to you; tell me, how does it taste?”

You have a right to protest your own mistreatment and set boundaries for respectful interactions.

The rest of the world doesn’t realize you have this right, and they will act offended and appalled when you exercise it, but it is yours.”

SonneillonV

———

And maybe that is what not giving yourself comes down to. The right to set your own boundaries and rules for interaction.

Now. This will confuse the world on occasion.

Why?

“The rest of the world doesn’t realize you have this right, and they will act offended and appalled when you exercise it, but it is yours.”

But you gotta do it or, well, you give yourself away.

Giving yourself away can be exhausting.

Giving yourself away does not always translate into ‘getting back something of equal value.’

Giving yourself away can ruin you.

Look. In the end. I am certainly not suggesting lack of compassion or not embracing a giving nature or even a belief that giving yourself away doesn’t have returns <actualization, esteem, gratification, etc.>.

However.

I am suggesting that if you give yourself way piece by piece to anyone and everyone who asks … well … you run the risk of no longer being whole.

In other words. the essential parts that make up the whole have been given away.

That’s not good nor valuable to people who really do need your help.

So. I am suggesting that it is okay to be a little selfish, maybe self serving, when it comes to giving yourself away.

===

“You try to be greedy when others are fearful.

And you try to be fearful when others are greedy.”

Warren Buffett

===

Well. I have been involved in several “stop spending money on those things because it is a waste of money” and “stop parsing out money in nickels & dimes and spend some hundred dollar bills for gods sake” business discussions throughout my career.

Suffice it to say, one of the most challenging aspects of being in business is managing money and how & when you spend your money.

That said. This discussion rears its ugliest head when … uh oh … you can see you are running out of money.

Let me be clear. Businesses rarely actually run out of money completely. More often than not it is “I don’t have enough money to spend after “x” date.”

This is called ‘spending over time’ budgeting.

This is called ‘wrong way to budget.’

Budgeting should always be based on ‘spend money to make money’ running parallel to the unfortunate business truth  that “you actually have to spend money to make money.”

** note: when I say spend money to make money I am not just referring to direct marketing or simple ’cause & effect’ advertising, but rather even if your objective is brand awareness your ultimate objective is to sell shit, i.e., having everyone know you and not buy anything is a non-business model.

I am tempted to refer to my ‘no formula’ post here because I believe every business has an edge just as they <assuming it is actually a good idea> always have an opportunity or opportunities. Using formulas when budgeting expenditures typically does not translate to edges, maximizing the edge nor offer real solutions to drive & create business. Formulas tend to say what has worked in the past which doesn’t often offer real solutions when discussing ‘we are going to run out of money.’

Suffice it to say that when budgets get limited <or you can see a zero balance on the horizon> and when a business comes to grips with the fact it is going to run out of money there are some hard choices to make.

The easy choice? Stretch it out and hope <the business is maintained or some additional funds come your way>. I would be remiss if I didn’t point out hoping is never a good strategy.

The difficult choice? How do I spend it now <or within a specific window of time> to drive up awareness/sales/connections so that I make an impact.

While it sounds flippant to say you have to spend money to make money and it is even more difficult to explain “there is something worse than not having any more money to spend.”

Uhm. What is worse?

Spending the money you did have … poorly.

There may be nothing worse in business than wasting money. And I don’t mean on frivolous expenditures <which is wasteful & stupid> or on ‘legacy programs’ <which is usually wasteful or at minimum ‘less than efficient’>, but actual well intended planning and wasting the money in doing so.

That said. The most common poor budgeting strategy is time based.

“If I don’t budget wisely I will use up my money by <insert some date>.”

Well. That is actually “how can I spread my money out for as long as I can” budgeting. I don’t have enough time to list how many things are wrong, and will go wrong, spending your money this way.

Basically you run the risk of spreading yourself so thin you don’t make any impact which defeats the purpose of spending money.

The purpose of spending money in business? <just as a reminder>

To make money.

But, remember, you have to pull the trigger on spending – having money does you no good if you do not actually spend it. A business should demand money spent to show how it creates money <some high falutin’ marketing experts will toss around “ROI” here>.

In startups it is to receive additional funding.

In some businesses it is that your budget is based on % of sales.

In other businesses it is simply that the business has some financial objective <sales, profit, widgets, etc.> and you are spending to meet and/or exceed it.

And while everyone in business knows this, for some reason, time takes on an extraordinarily high importance in planning. It becomes “I have 12 months to use this money” rather than “how do I spend the money to make the most money.”

Yes.

Sometimes those things coincide.

But more often than not, under the scrutiny of truth, they do not.

I got very lucky early in my career in that I was mentored and worked with some excellent ‘difficult money decision’ business people.

For example. An early difficult money decision.

It was a national brand with a long purchase cycle product <think maybe once every two years for the bulk of their purchasers>and a pretty high seasonal purchase skew where a high % of sales occurred in a three month period and a budget that didn’t support an annual national effort.

The senior brand manager decided to split the country into thirds and only provide significant support to one of the thirds each year <rolling through the nation over a three year period and then starting over>.

<note: there were some promotions and store support aspects and a couple of national cable events to maintain the other regional thirds while the other third’s effort was in place>

Yes. The initial presentation to senior management and sales was harrowing & painful. But we got research onboard and we had a sales projection team and we showed everyone how this would actually increase sales on an annual basis and how much it would net out for the company at the end of the three years and how it would provide a national foundation from which the following three years should see even higher growth projections <it would actually flatten out in years 7, 8 & 9>.

Without going into details the decisions were made to sacrifice inefficient ‘throwing money away spending’ for more impactful ‘spend to make money’ strategy & tactics. It was creative spending to create sales.

Not popular. It looked risky.

And it worked – better than even planned.

From that point on in my career I continued to propose & debate some fairly unpopular expenditure strategies because I was focused on spending money to make money.

Look.

I am not suggesting this is easy. Money & budget decisions can make or break a career. Shit. They can make or break a business.

You get judged on how a budget is spent. And you should. But the judge is often harsh and the verdict can be damning. Because of that judgement, money, and the judgement that comes along with it, can make even the most even keeled business person … well … lose sight of reality and enter into some imaginative world in which dollars get spread out in a way that appears to cover time and yet, in its worst form, does nothing over time or, in its least harmful form, does less than it could over time.

To be clear. A spending over time planning process takes incredible imagination.

To be clear. A spending money to make money is all about reality <sometimes harsh>.

Again.

I am not suggesting this is easy.

It is incredibly hard to have a start up business spend all their discretionary money in a two month period <to get results to point to>.

It is incredibly hard to have a business stop doing all the small efforts for 6 months and do one bigger effort in month 7 & 8.

It is incredibly hard to have a business “go dark” for any stretch of time.

Deciding when to spend and what to spend and face the fact that your plan means you will have used up your money <so there is nothing to use in case it doesn’t work> is incredibly hard.

That said.

I am a business guy.

And I like to increase business <to maintain it>.

And I have a nasty habit of wanting to do the right thing and not the popular thing or the thing that would ‘make the sales people happy’ or ‘look good to the board.’

I like to spend money to make money.

====

====

“I am not afraid of my truth anymore and I will not omit pieces of me to make you comfortable.”

—

Alex Elle

===

So. Being yourself is a tricky topic. In business, Life & deciding what you want to do.

I know <I know>.

Seems like “being yourself” should be simple. Like ‘breathing’ type simple.

But it’s not. It’s not because there is a constant struggle between an internal part <’who am I’ type shit> and external <figuring out how ‘who am I’ should actually act in public>.

For example, one of my favorite young writers, Jamie, describes herself this way:

================

I’m a writer, pretty much by process of elimination. I am also a professional aspirationalist.

That’s not a word, but I’ve made it into one, since there was nothing that could quite describe me because I didn’t want to say I’m a “professional dreamer” because that sounds like some hippie shit.

I have aspirations, like, lots of them. If you’d like me to create a TV show, get in touch with me. How about publishing my memoir? Get in touch. If you are from The Ellen Show, I will, of course, accept your interview and would be delighted to dance it out with my girl, so long as she doesn’t prank me by making me eat cilantro. In fact, I want no cilantro in anything.

<Jamie Varon>

================

Professional aspirationalist. Not ‘professional dreamer’ nor ‘professional pragmatist.’

Ok.

Professional aspirationalist is just awesome.

If I could ever vote for a new term, that would be it. It’s fucking awesome. It captures the essence of restlessness & hope & striving & unlearning &, well, all the things I believe are good and healthy with a person seeking to be better tomorrow than they are today.

What I truly love about it is that she came up with a term to capture her “self.” I love it because being yourself, and even recognizing who ‘yourself’ is, is hard. And when I say hard think even harder than maybe becoming a Navy Seal type hard.

……….. self …….. an entanglement of nuances ………….

It is incredibly hard because the truth is that ‘my truth’ , more often than not, is most likely an evolving tangled web of characteristics which, as it evolves, simply becomes more tangled <rather than untangled>.

Yourself is constantly adapting to new learning, new learning about things and new learning, and unlearning <changed beliefs, opinions, attitudes, perspectives>, about oneself.

That’s why I love professional aspirationalist.

True north on Jamie’s compass is defined. And its not a destination, but rather it is a direction.

Aspirationalist is a moving target. It is restless and unmoving at exactly the same time. It is an adventurer with some pragmatism. It’s not being on Ellen <although she would be delighted to do so> because once that happens there will always be something else.

Being an aspirationalist means not only having dreams, but dreaming … oh … and doing.

Yeah.

Doing. As in doing lots of different shit.

Uh oh.

That also means … well … increasingly more and different dreams <and aspirations>. And increasingly doing more and different shit. Dreaming and doing. Lots of different dreaming and doing.

In the end <to me> being a professional aspirationalist means being a restless soul. Restlessly seeking, traveling, doing, thinking. Professionally constantly in motion <mentally or physically>.

I love it because it captures my personal belief that becoming ‘better’ as a person is experiential rather than tangible <although tangible ‘doing stuff’ is certainly a component>.

I love it because it isn’t for the faint of heart.

And isn’t what truly being yourself is all about? Having some courage to even suggest ‘I will not omit things just to make you comfortable.’

Professional aspirationalist reminded me of this other quote:

 ==

“I am a world that cannot be explored in one day. I am not a place for cowards.”

Caitlyn Siehl

==

Yes.

Being a professional aspirationalist means you are not a place for cowards.

Anyway.

I wish I had come up with this word, but I am not as talented a writer as Jamie.

I like it for its sense of Life’s paradox. Paradox in that it is independent and dependent at the same time.

I like it for it’s sense of Business’s paradox. Paradox in that success in business is a combination of stillness, at the right times, and movement/restlessness at all times.

I like it because at its core it doesn’t mean shunning the world and simply being a dreamer. It has rich & royal hues of reality threading its way through its fabric.

I would like to believe I am also a professional aspirationalist.

Now.

To be clear <because Jamie is correct the word selection was thoughtful to avoid the ‘hippie shit’>. Pragmatically, we aspirationalists do seek <some> approval and acceptance <ohhhhhhhhhhhh shit>.

Accept what I just wrote <that last sentence>. Don’t fight it <even if you are one of those who say ‘I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks”>.

Because you do care.

Whether you like it or not, whether you think it is right or wrong, whether you think it is a good thing or bad in that it makes you ‘weak’ in some way, just get it set in your head – in some form or fashion – we care.

Don’t worry … we all care <not just aspirationalists>. We all care what the people around us think about us. And by ‘people’ I mean everyone from those closest to you <who would most likely accept you in any shape and form you ended up in … but you don’t want to disappoint them> to society overall <there is some value in gaining credit for who you are and what you do>.

Some acceptance from others feeds our self-esteem & self-worth <and all that Maslow stuff>.

Ah.

Please note I used the word “feeds.” Approval and acceptance is not the only nutrition necessary for a healthy esteem and worth.

It is simply one part of the diet.

Even we aspirationalists need a balanced ‘self diet’. We do not seek sole value from proving ourselves to others. And we don’t accept sole value in and of ourselves.

Being an aspirationalist is … well … the paradox. Independent dreamer with some dependence on external cues as to the value of our aspirations.

We want to fit into the world on our own terms.

Regardless.

What a description:

                       Professional aspirationalist:      I am not afraid of my truth anymore and I will not omit pieces of me to make you comfortable. I am a world that cannot be explored in one day. I am not a place for cowards.

We need more of these people in our world — in Life & in business.

Me? I will continue living life, trying to do good shit in Life & business, as a Professional Aspirationalist.

  ===

“Choose your corner, pick away at it carefully, intensely and to the best of your ability and that way you might change the world.”

Charles Eames

—–

So. This is most likely a bookend post to my “where are you going?” thought piece which was directed to younger people. This is directed to the 50somethings who actually figured out, as well as anyone can, where they wanted to go … and went there.

To be clear. This is not about “was this not what I wanted”  — that is about questioning direction. This is actually about, well, assessing value for the direction you chose and the direction you have no, or few, regrets over.

That said.

What happens if you believe you have something of value to offer the world, and you actually did it and earned a consistent living and … uhm … you find yourself in a place and time where, well, you aren’t sure you have anything to show for it?

It’s not that you weren’t good at what you did <you may have actually been pretty good>.

It’s not that you didn’t earn some good salaries <you may have actually earned higher than the norm>.

It’s not that when viewing your professional resume you sucked <because others can view it and think ‘huh, that’s good stuff’>.

It’s not that your personal life is strewn with divorces or negative broken relationships <because you can actually look around and see some good friends, look at past relationships as generally good and your current personal life relatively healthy>.

It’s not that you don’t look out at the whole world and think “I have no value moving forward” <because you most likely feel like you have something to offer given the right situation>.

It’s not even that you are unhappy <because, in general, you view most days in a relatively optimistic way>.

In fact, taking all of that into consideration you can look at your life and say “I knew where I wanted to go and, in general, I did a pretty good job getting there.”

But.

Let’s say that the average American worker/person most likely has worked about 60,000 hours or so by the time they are 50 <a lower income worker/person who scrambles to earn enough most likely has worked about 70,000 hours – and earned less – and someone like me who likes their work and is a quasi-workaholic will have worked closer to 90,000 hours> and your current steady current annual income is enough to get by, but certainly not more than enough to pay bills and the random expenses that come up.

And you have some debt, no savings and, well, financially there is no room for much more than basics because, while professionally successful, you find yourself in a position where you can now relate to people in poverty <in some ways> in that you are constantly preparing for the next inevitable expense.

Life isn’t bad.

But.

You wonder what you have to show for it all.

You don’t dwell on it but it’s a niggling feeling especially if you did work hard, you did it the right way and you actually did some good shit on occasion.

I imagine this is nothing like fantasizing about being rich.

And I imagine it has little to do with regrets.

It simply revolves around effort expended and gains to show for that effort.

The truth is life, in general, almost always equates to some type of value equation – did I receive acceptable value for the cost incurred.

Most of us are fairly content with a nine-to-five job and people like me who love what they do are actually happy with an 8 to 6+ job and most of us realize we will never buy some island or even have some extraordinarily luxurious vacation when it is all said and done.

But.

I imagine everyone, excepting the wealthy, stop at some point and think “what do I have to show for it all?”

I imagine everyone, excepting the wealthy, stop at some point and realize that rest is a luxury only for the rich and retirement doesn’t mean doing nothing — just maybe something different.

Look.

Life naturally causes you to question yourself and feel like there is some grand design out there to frustrate and defeat you.

And you know what?

Most of us recognize it isn’t easy, and that it sucks to have to brush off the inevitable natural disappointments which occur even if you have worked hard and tried to do the right thing and conduct yourself with integrity, but we, more often than not, just get up and get going again. And we do that without really questioning ourselves. It is just what you do and what Life demands.

So.

That said.

But.

But you wonder about your worth professionally or personally when you don’t really have a lot to show for it.

It is basically a value question.

This is about that someone, sitting at home some nights, saying to themselves … “What the fuck do I have to show for what I did?”

Its just the pragmatic basic formula to assess value.

Someone asks themselves “what I did”:

Over 60,000 hours worked.

Some good titles on your resume.

Some great memories.

Add in some other positives.

And then they sit back and look around at today.

Materially, tangibly, you may have diddleyshit.

Professionally, you may be in a diddleyshit position.

Financially, you may have diddleyshit.

And in that time, in that place, in that mental space it can be fairly easy to view “what do I have to show for it all” as … well … diddleyshit.

And I imagine viewing it that way … well … sucks.

I imagine at this point I could sagely lean back in my chair <assuming the chair was a recliner> and wisely place my hand under my chin and sigh … and say:

“you have made a difference in other people’s lives through your integrity driven actions … you personally have memories, experiences and successes to show for it all … reflect upon that … oh … and you are a good person.”

But I won’t say that.

Because while that may be true, it is bullshit in this time place and situation for someone in this position.

Its bullshit because more often than not people will view this “what I put into Life and what did I get out of that effort” in a fairly selfish way. In other words:

“what does it matter if I was a good person if I don’t have diddleyshit to show for it?”

To be clear. This is actually an okay version of selfishness.

It’s okay because you put in the effort, you worked hard, you did things the right way, you didn’t cut corners, you didn’t demand much, therefore, you want to take a moment and reflect on what YOU “have to show for it all.”

And, selfishly, it looks like you have diddleysquat to show for it.

And, selfishly, scanning your Life … well … it kind of looks like if you don’t want to be in this diddleysquat spot you gotta get back up and start all over again.

Ok.

I don’t have answers for this one.

But I do know what I am discussing happens. And maybe more often than everyone thinks. And the answer will be driven by what matters most to a particular individual.

Those who valued family above all will reflect on the value equation with that as a foundation.

Those who valued professional success will reflect on the value equation with that as a foundation.

Those who valued … well … pick your passion & focus which got you to where you are now and you will assess “what do I have to show for it all?” based on that foundation.

To be clear. If you are not careful they are simply nice condiment sbeing placed on a nothingburger.

To be clear. This doesn’t have shit to do with whether you had a shit life or not <because most would say they didn’t have a shit life> nor does it have to do with being ‘filled or unfulfilled’ or even having been ‘inspired’ in Life, this is clearly “I didn’t have, or live, a shit life … but I’m not sure I have shit to show for it.”

And, yeah, maybe my thinking is driven more by a world that is driven by outcomes and materialistic assessment, but I would also be unenlightened <if not stupid> if I ignored that.

For all I write about the grind of life and the consistency <not exactly drudgery> of most of Life, most people really don’t drift through life, most people are aware of Life <at least when it truly matters> and most people find moments of inspiration that lift Life above … well … nothingness.

But.

At some point most people sit down, pull out the Life balance sheet, put all the shit they have done in Life as well as all the shit they have accumulated and lost <money, jobs, things>, put the amount of energy & work they invested in Life that has been invested up to that point and sit back and see what they have to show for it all.

Does the work, the fun & the hard, equal the output?

Does the work, the fun & the hard, equal what I have to show for it as I look around what I have?

And, yes, this implies I believe this assessment has accumulation of shit over time as well as what has been accumulated and is currently in hand.

I imagine the comparable discussion is if you have put in 10,000 hours of practice playing the piano you want to be able to show everyone you can play something other than chopsticks.

Anyway.

I have been part of several of these discussions and … well … they are difficult. Shit. I have had these discussion with myself.

The harsh truth is that platitudes & ‘feel good’ assessments seem not enough. Good, maybe even great from a feeling perspective, but, well, not good enough for all the hours invested and energy expended.

Yeah.

Money does matter <financial security>

Yeah.

Material shit does matter <Life environment rewards>.

Certainly not the only things that matters, but in a Life value equation, they matter when you decide to sit down and say “what do I have to show for it all?”