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“This plane is definitely crashing.
This boat is obviously sinking.
This building’s totally burning down and my, and my heart has slowly dried up.”
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modest mouse
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Well.
We all know people who always seem to have drama in their lives. These are the people who always seem to have an endless, and varied, array of crises … one after another … a seemingly endless <created> disaster after disaster … week after week … if not day after day. Unfortunately … I imagine we also know people like this in business.
Driving us crazy having us expend wasted energy chasing after things they are always suggesting are always awry … maybe not a full crisis … but shit that just is not right. Friends are just drama lovers but business people, especially managers, are brutal on effectiveness & morale.
Regardless.
Whether someone makes up a crisis or not … the difficulty, of course, is discerning between real disaster and created disaster.
It is actually with that difficulty <one which any and all of us struggle with> where the core issue resides: discerning how disaster defines you. For if you define yourself <in some aspects> by how you deal with a disaster … and the disaster is not real … well … then is your definition flawed? What I mean by that is:
1. some people are very very good at managing life & business and avoid a shitload of disasters & crises.
They are defined in people’s eyes one way.
2. Some people are very very good at not managing life so that they never avoid disasters and crises.
They are defined in people’s eyes one way.
3. Some people are very very good at simply managing <handling> disasters … as they arise.
They are defined in people’s eyes one way.
I say all that because we can’t simply bunch disasters and people up into one neat bundle. Yet … despite that … .created disaster or real disaster they seem to have something in common. Common? It’s kind of funny … okay interesting … how a disaster or a crisis gets our butts in gear. When faced with a disaster most people … well … make shit happen.
And, in general, we tend to make good shit happen. A disaster seems to <at least … tends to … > bring out the best in us.
Well.
Apparently <per some research> … at least some of us:
The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. Research<with like a million people as the base> found that 90% of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control.
Research also clearly shows the havoc stress can have on one’s physical and mental health <such as a Yale study which found that prolonged stress causes degeneration in the area of the brain responsible for self-control>. The tricky thing about stress and the anxiety that comes with it is that it’s an absolutely necessary emotion.
Our brains are wired such that it’s difficult to take action until we feel at least some level of this emotional state. In fact, performance peaks under the heightened activation that comes with moderate levels of stress.
As long as the stress isn’t prolonged, it’s harmless.
Ok.
Regardless … this all means that disasters or crises tends to make shit happen. In fact … it shows us the best we can be <albeit it can also display us at our worst>.
Now. Sometimes our best is enough and sometimes it isn’t … but bring on a disaster or a good crisis and … well … you will find out pretty fast of your best is good enough. That said. Do we really need disasters in life?
Here is something to ponder <a scary one>: We need disaster to validate our existence.
<I found this thought in so many writings I almost began to believe it … almost ..>
To be clear … I do not believe that statement is true … but it sure sometimes feels that way watching the news and how many people live their lives and how a shitload of managers conduct themselves in business. However. I do believe disasters drive learning and uncover the real ‘truths.’
In fact … studies show over and over again that we seem to learn new things when disaster strikes and we deal with a crisis. Why? Well. Try this on for size.
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“Disasters: the mind likes problems because they give you an identity of sorts.”
Eckhard Tolle
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Eckhardt, the nutjob, also said this:
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“Disregarding disasters takes the ability to recognize what is false within you.”
Ok. So maybe a disaster can be good because it forces the mind into problem solving mode <kind of like kicking it out of neutral and into a “survival gear”>. Disaster creates stress <insert your thought bubble here: “well … that just stated the obvious”> … uhm … but stress actually improves memory:
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New research from the University of California, Berkeley, reveals an upside to experiencing moderate levels of stress.
But it also reinforces how important it is to keep stress under control. The study found that the onset of stress entices the brain into growing new cells responsible for improved memory. However, this effect is only seen when stress is intermittent. As soon as the stress continues beyond a few moments into a prolonged state, it suppresses the brain’s ability to develop new cells.
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But, that said, I imagine the real discussion revolves around what is a real disaster or crisis and what is a created crisis <or what some expert calls – ‘dysfunction-challenge-obstacle within’>.
To be clear. This type of discussion isn’t just about the drama queen/king who walks the high school <or office> hallways … this reaches to the heights of leaders and leadership.
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For example:
From “Crazy Rhythm” (1997), a memoir by former Nixon White House counsel Leonard Garment
Nixon was much more than ordinarily skilled in the gambler’s arts of patience, nerve, and timing; he was a lover of challenge and the excitement of crisis, an adept, like Houdini, forever surprising skeptics with his ability to escape from the political equivalent of double-barred safes dumped into rivers or burial under six feet of crushing dirt. Nixon—his ambitions lofty, his style lumpen—in the end trumped his enemies. And from this, for all his careful avoidance of reminders of the “Old Nixon” during his final twenty years of disciplined self-rehabilitation, he surely derived his greatest, most savage satisfaction.
Without Watergate, Nixon would likely have finished his term, floundered around as a depressed man in search of a crisis, and died earlier than he did. As it was, he took up the supreme struggle of his political life and fought, won, and wrote about it time and again, until he was finally buried with great public honor.
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Well. This implies that escaping the inevitable changes that are demanded from facing disasters creates an odd dichotomy of attitudes and energy — the clashing of ones who seek to engage their ‘gambling skills’ versus the ones who seek to avoid the inevitable change <not just the outcomes> associated with disasters.
Suffice it to say that most of us do not embrace change. If anything … we go out of our way to avoid it. A normal reaction is to move away from the new and unfamiliar. I say that because disasters force change. They force action.
And typically they force the change in a boundaried existence – limited time and space <so you can’t avoid it>.
Oh.
As for that ‘engage their gambler skill’? We should note that unlike disaster, success is not a good teacher. Whoa. So disaster can be a good teacher <honing some thinking & learning skills> and success isn’t <creates a false sense of skill set>.
That thought may make you rethink buying that next “how do I learn the things of successful businesses/people” book. Why is success such a poor teacher? After success you typically give yourself a pat on your back and celebrate.
Oh. And start to be complacent <complacency is a wonderful strategy for failure or a disaster>.
On the other hand … disaster is good for learning because we start to learn better when things get a little rough. There is no complacency <because you are trying to survive> and we normally make the most important decision after setbacks and failures. The pain or disappointment of failure provides feedback and is an oddly good teacher that will provide us with strong reflective education.
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“Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.”
Bill Gates
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To be clear … success just doesn’t seduce smart people … it seduces all people.
Now.
To be fair.
I am not aware of anyone who has a 100% success rate in life <… well … I imagine it depends on how you define success>. Success is driven by perspective … and it is actually perspective that makes good disaster managers approach a crisis differently than the majority of us. Say what? Yup. They have a tendency to reframe their perspective.
And that ability is the reason why we like having these types of people around us … because the depth of a disaster is skewed by our perception of events. They know how to actually control perceptions <and therefore manage some attitudes>. Please note … these people do not seek disasters they simply are good in a disaster/crisis.
Anyway.
Any crisis is stressful <good manager around or not>. It’s easy to think that unrealistic deadlines, unforgiving bosses, and out-of-control traffic are the reasons we’re so stressed all the time. They are not … the stress is … well … self inflicted and not externally inflicted. Simplistically … more often than not you can’t control your circumstances but you can control how you respond to them. So before you spend too much time dwelling on something you should take a minute to put the situation in perspective.
If you aren’t sure when you need to do this, try looking for clues that your anxiety may not be proportional to the stressor <the asshole screaming ‘disaster’>. If you <or the screamer> are thinking in broad, sweeping statements such as “everything is going wrong” or “nothing will work out” I would suggest you need to reframe the situation in a little reality.
A great way to correct this unproductive thought pattern is to list the specific things that actually are going wrong or not working out. Most likely you will come up with just some things—not everything—and the scope of these stressors will look much more limited than it initially appeared.
But.
Here is where some disaster experience trumps ongoing success — “seduce.”
Success seduces you into believing you are better than you are … failure reminds you that you aren’t better than you thought <as long as you don’t constantly blame everyone else for the failure>. Let’s call this in today’s post as “false gambler skill.’ This suggests that many of the self proclaimed ‘good in crisis people’ are the ones who define themselves by the disasters … and have a false sense of success from disasters <no wonder we hate these people in management>.
Anyway.
Success and failure.
Trial and error.
I would suggest Success is actually a ratchet program. Because success isn’t really consistent <although success does typically breed success>. It isn’t consistent because success doesn’t stand still.
“Each success only buys an admission ticket to a more difficult problem.”
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Henry Kissinger
This creates an interesting dynamic to disasters and Life. Because the bottom line for people is we like to win <or have success>. I imagine at some point it can become an addiction <hence this whole thought of creating disasters to solve – leading to create successes>. And this creates a corollary attitude. “I don’t lose.”
The tricky part about disasters is that someone typically loses. And everyone has a right to win <so it’s not like you – the proverbial you – has the corner on winning>.
And that is the sneaky bad side of disasters … they increase the emphasis on trying to win. But at some point you need to remember that it isn’t everything.
There is value in “a loss.” And that, my friends, is extremely difficult when you think of his from a ‘disaster’ perspective where most times you are just doing what you believe you need to do to survive. Yes. There is value in doing your best even if your best doesn’t translate into a win. But … whoa … this is a frickin’ disaster we are talking about <insert some exclamation points here>.
So.
That is common sense.
Uh oh.
But that ignores “personal” <self-esteem, peer/society pressure, societal expectations, etc.>. Because the transition between “I want to win therefore I won’t lose.” To “I lost.” THAT is a humdinger of a personal transition.
Worse?
When winning is familiar <like … you win a lot … often enough that a part of you kind of expects to win>. Winning is addictive. It seduces you on a number of levels. Even the suggestion of “what if I lose?” has become a huge issue in self-help diatribes in that “you need to think like a winner to be a winner.” It is frowned upon to be reflective upon losing.
I say all this because <1> disasters trigger survival instincts in which we tend t overlook “how you win” & associate “lose” with dying, <2> if you live Life managing disasters … ‘losing’ can seem like a disaster in and of itself.
And there begets the victory of soul and character even in losing within a crisis.
Finding victory in a loss within a disaster scenario is all about character. Not being too proud to even think about those things as well as accept loss. To find victory in the attempt is actually the thought. Survival, in & of itslef, can be viewed as a win.
In an odd way. Disasters themselves are seductive. Especially if you successfully navigate them.
Look.
Disaster or non disaster … don’t be seduced by success. Certainly you should celebrate it. Success deserves recognition. But more importantly remember something … in a race of 1000 people only one “wins” in the truest sense but I imagine that another 899 won in another way that made them feel pretty darn good and kept on going <and then there are 100 or so who just cannot accept ‘losing’ and are just plain losers>.
So.
Getting back to the main point of this.
Does this mean we should actually be seeking disaster <with the right mindset>?
Nope.
There is enough adversity in life & business that comes naturally … trust me … disasters <of any and all sizes> will appear at one time or another.
Just remember that most events in life, whether you call them a disaster or not, follow the basic cycle of “problem/situation/disaster – action – result”. I am tempted to call this a Life truth <but someone smarter than I will probably send me a note suggesting some exceptions>.
But suffice it to say that I struggle to find many actions without problems. And results are consequences of actions.
It doesn’t really matter <in this case> if the problems themselves may be imagined or real, because they are what we perceive and act on. Theoretically at no point in time do we seem to run out of problems that require solving. There is a seemingly endless array of things to worry about, things to pursue, things that are stopping us from pursuing … and things we regret <if we elect to regret them>.
Well. If you buy into that thought then that means we continuously engage in some action which is generating some outcome which in turn regenerates some new problem/situation/disaster.
Whew.
That is a painful thought. Maybe I should say … this is exactly how someone who lives, and thrives, on disasters thinks <I am not one … and I can honestly say it is painful putting myself in their shoes just to be able to write this>.
Some people might enjoy problem solving for the sheer enjoyment of it.
Others obsess with results, and their “ends” justify their “means”.
Yet others simply place the highest emphasis on action.
Each of these has its rewards.
Regardless. I tend to believe we just have to accept that Life is a series of disasters <oops … lessons>. Ignore that thought at your own peril … because ignorance is rarely bliss.
Always be conscious about what is happening to you and around you and try and recognize that disasters are simply lessons in the making. And these lessons are inevitably presented to you over and over … until you learn your lessons.
My point on this lesson thing?
You can either take the responsibility to take charge or be a victim of disaster. And there in lies the difference between those who define themselves by disaster and those who accept disasters as part of Life. The former make their disasters more important than the typically are and the latter manage disasters as stepping stones in Life.
Ok.
Let me end on a positive <versus disaster> but related to lessons of disasters.
I read somewhere that pleasure is always derived from something outside you … whereas joy arises from within. I like that thought. And, therefore, in seeking a substitute for joy … the mind will seek salvation or fulfillment through pleasure … or some external stimulation. Therein lies the root of everyone seeking to define themselves through disasters. It is a warped way to find pleasure.
Well.
We can save these people. We can save them if you understand the joy and pleasure equation … and help someone find ‘joy’ <however it may be defined>.
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“There will never be a shortage of disasters, there will always be people who need to be rescued. And there will never ever be enough people to save them all.”
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Some people need rescuing again and again. And some people drown over a full lifetime.
Life is full of disasters … real and unreal.
I don’t think anyone needs one to be defined as a part of Life … but they are simply part of Life whether you want, or need, them and therefore play a role in who and what you are. Frankly … where disasters truly show their true colors is not in our skills or some skill set you can try and claim … but instead it when we have survived the trial by fire where our real self gets to show itself. That’s where you get to show who you are. This is … well … character
Anyway.
I imagine … as with anything in your life … it is what you make of it. We don’t get defined by disasters but disasters can often define who you will be. Therein lies one of the great paradox in Life. <sigh> And I imagine because it is a paradox some people will enhance the personal drama to create some self worth while others will simply accept the challenge of disasters as … well … something called “Life.”