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We were the kings and queens of promise. We were the victims of ourselves.
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30 Seconds from Mars
<Kings & Queens>
———————–
“I exist in the depths of solitude
pondering my true goal.
Trying 2 find peace of mind
and still preserve my soul.
CONSTANTLY yearning 2 be accepted
and from all receive respect.
Never compromising but sometimes risky
and that is my only regret.
A young heart with an old soul
how can there be peace.
How can I be in the depths of solitude
when there R 2 inside of me.
This Duo within me causes
the perfect opportunity
2 learn and live twice as fast
as those who accept simplicity.”
–
poem by Tupac Shakur
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Ok.
I recently discussed the Penalty of Leadership thought with a number of businesses and at exactly the same time I have had several great discussions with some young employees.
It occurred to me that there is also a penalty of youth.
And when I thought about this it made me rethink something I wrote back in September 2012 about ‘the voices of a generation.’ In it I suggested that each generation will always have a ‘few’ to stand up and give voice to generation. For most generations that may be true … but in this younger generation I believe I am wrong. I believe everyone in this younger generation will have to face the penalty of youth.
The penalty is that, well, there are so many absurd perceptions with regard to the younger generation that they have to address it. If they do not, they will then they pay a penalty in that perceptions drive older people’s behaviors toward them.
Do I believe every young generation has faced his penalty? Yes.
But I will suggest. and I believe, that this generation faces a stronger misperception battle from older people <the Last Generation> mostly because the older generations are facing so much uncertainty of their own they shift some of their angst over all the change to the future generations.
Now.
The biggest misperception absurdity is the proclaimed characteristics of “selfishness and entitlement.” Shit. We called the baby boomer generation the “Me Generation” and in 2013 Time magazine called the millennials the “Me Me Me Generation.” From that point on Life has been a sonuvabitch to young people with regard to attitudes & perceptions … and words we say about them.
Look.
Words matter. I have said that again and again and again. And of all the words we flippantly throw around with regard to the young, “me” creates an
insipid implication of a lack of depth and character tied to this “me-ness” which they now seem to own as a generation.
This is crazy. Just nuts.
I could point out that we <I am a 50osomething> were bashed for our ‘me-ness’ … hands were wringing over our character challenges as well as our laziness. But I will not.
Because today’s youth are not achievement-oriented robots, not single-mindedly focused on themselves … and not lazy, entitled, anti-capitalist morons simply pursuing passion and not hard work.
They are not immoral, selfish, cruel or even overly materialistic.
They are probably less bigoted, racist, and sexist than prior generations <which is far too often mischaracterized as ‘politically correct’>.
They are, research shows, in general, a nice combination of achievement desires, worldly aspirations with a strong desire to do good.
That said.
I, personally, have found most young people to be thoughtful, interesting, and stimulating.
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“Generation X.” Instead of being “slackers,” “judgmental,” and “anti-corporate,” he said, Millennials are “leaning forward,” “engaged,” “inclusive,” and “tolerant,” and they believe that “commerce” can be “lubricated by conscience.”
marketing expert Scott Hess
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All I wish is that, well, they paid the penalty of their youth. The penalty being they will have to be more articulate and outspoken in defending themselves against the tripe we older folk throw at them. Yeah, here is the deal, while I will go anywhere at any time and expound upon the virtues of our future – the young – they have to step up and speak out. That is inevitably their penalty … the one they have to pay.
They just can’t ignore it.
They just can’t say it is all stupid.
They can’t just say “they” don’t understand.
And they just can’t say it is ignorance <and suggest it is beneath you>.
Ultimately, the penalty of youth is … well … proof.
Well.
That sucks. Who the hell wants to invest all that energy simply trying to debunk some stupid misperceptions?
<I will admit … certainly not me … and certainly not me when I was young>
But, whether embraced or not, it is the penalty of youth. What I mean by that is … it is a penalty of responsibility … or penalty that costs you if you do not assume the responsibility.
Bottom line?
There is a penalty whether you accept it or not. That said. I would point out, just as with the Penalty of Leadership, that this penalty reaps rewards. If you pay the penalty you control your destiny, you maintain your sense of self at the forefront and you dicatte reality <rather than be buffeted by the winds of perceptions>.
Now. Many people <older ones> suggest our education system is at the root of young people not being able to stand their ground intelligently <if not intellectually>.
I do not. Research actually shows it is not our education system but rather more what we older folk teach them growing up. Yeah. It seems that defending ourselves is not in our natural DNA. In fact … from our youngest age most of us are taught to … well … not defend ourselves.
Think about it. As we grow up mostly we are taught to either:
- Walk away <leave the situation>
- Tell an adult
The challenge with both of these is that both of these are dependent upon an
adult being available immediately to assess the situation and be the jury & judge. As a result most of us learn to be dependent upon an external authority to defend. This also means we are not trained from day one to use words to deescalate & defend.
This ultimately can also translate into a weird ying & yang affect where bullies become masters of holding their own <through physical and nonphysical means> while others struggle to shed everything they learned about external authority to deal with bullies.
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“Obstacles, of course, are developmentally necessary: they teach kids strategy, patience, critical thinking, resilience and resourcefulness. “
Naomi Wolf
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That said. Suffice it to say we don’t really embed a good set of tools and sense of ‘how to’ stand up and speak out.
So while we ask for a generation which definitely has a backbone, has dedication and has tenacity … we adults don’t necessarily give them the tools with which to defend and articulate their backbone, dedication and tenacity. And without those tools they just look stubborn, purposeless and unwilling to listen. I am not sure what we adults do to create this following research factoid but research from Girl Scouts of America says kids say their confidence in speaking up and leading others dwindles by the fifth grade. Kids also tell us they gain that confidence is by entering into activities, clubs, teambuilding, etc. and the earlier the better.
And while I could lazily suggest we just need to make sure the young have opportunities to be a member of a team, take charge of a project or lead others … I imagine what I wish is that we could teach, and encourage, a sense of … well … ‘grit.’ This is a little different than resiliency.
Grit is more about the blue collar aspects of living Life … the working, the keep pushing, the keep failing, and the learning to get back up again … all the while
defending what you are doing.
We need to encourage the young to stand up for their views even if they may not be unpopular.
We need to encourage the young to know that even though they might feel uncomfortable they should always feel it’s best to stand up for your rights or the rights of others … and what is right.
We need to encourage them to be a model of assertive articulation in a respectful way.
I tend to believe when young people know their opinions count they are more likely to speak out and not only feel comfortable speaking up for themselves they learn thru trial & error how to best find their ‘voice.’ The more we ask them what they believe … and probe on why they believe it … the better they will be as people and the better they will be at articulating what their generation is going to offer us <that we older folk have clearly been unable to offer the world>.
We want the young to know that they should “look” confident, not angry or frustrated, in order to be taken seriously.
We want the young to know that holding on to ideals is good … but letting go of old ideas is the penalty of … well … growing up.
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Giving up something that no longer serves a purpose, or protects you, or helps you, isn’t giving up at all, it’s growing up.
Laurell K. Hamilton
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While it is trite to say the young are our future … the numbers actually bear it out this time. The sheer population of
the young is quickly overreaching the population numbers of the old.
The youth actually owns the now & the next. They ARE the dominant voice … and minds … of now and the next.
That said.
The penalty of youth is to use that voice … and use it wisely. They need to embrace … well … exactly what 30 Seconds said upfront:
…. the kings and queens of promise and, yet, the victims of ourselves
Embrace and understand that promise is achieved by not permitting themselves to be victims of themselves.
Oh.
And the responsibility of the older generation is to listen to that voice … and treat it wisely.