Enlightened Conflict

We often beat the crap out of ourselves

May 4th, 2017

beat the crap bad days people life






    Reminder: Everyone has bad days, you don’t have to be your best self everyday.


Everyone has days where they are sad, cranky, or lazy.

Don’t beat yourself up for being human, you’re ok. What counts is how you handle yourself and treat people on a regular basis.





I tend to believe everyone thinks Life does a fairly good job of beating the crap out of us almost every day. It tries to beat optimism out of us, hope out of us, positive out of us as well as … uhm … compassion, empathy, fellowship and almost everything good.

It doesn’t always succeed … but it surely tries to beat the crap out of us.


And, yet, despite knowing all that … we still beat the crap out of ourselves.


It is kind of a little nuts when you think about it.



Its nuts because most people don’t set out every day thinking “boy, I hope I have a bad day and do some bad shit.” Most of us set out each day with the intention to do something good … not bad. Most people do the best they can.


And, yeah, sometimes that best isn’t that good … or maybe just not as good as our good really is. But that doesn’t mean that simply because we have a bad day or are cranky or even a little lazy that we still don’t do something useful and, in general, conduct ourselves in an honorable fashion.



“The purpose of life is not to be happy.

It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”


Ralph Waldo Emerson





beat the crap love myself

I am not suggesting you have to sit around and say “I love myself.”  All I am saying is that you don’t have to beat the crap out of yourself for being human.


You have some bad days.


You have some days when you are cranky and not particularly pleasant to be around.


You have some days when you don’t want to get out of bed in the morning … but you do … and everyone around you wishes you hadn’t.


You have some days when you do not feel energetic … may even feel lazy … and you don’t really get shit done that day.


None of those things make you bad.

None of those things make it worth beating the crap out of yourself.




“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”


Ralph Waldo Emerson




Days come and go, opportunities come and go and your ‘bad’ comes and goes.

That’s the way Life goes. You can beat the crap out of yourself if you want but it seems like, if you think about what I just wrote, you would pretty much conclude that even your bad days while they could be better could also certainly be worse.



That’s called Life and that’s called ‘being human.’beat the crap poo poo people on you


Let’s face it.

Every day someone is gonna point out you are having a bad day … and you may not even being have a bad day for fucks sake … it just may be a bad moment.


Let’s face it.

Every day some jerkwad is gonna look at you as if you had done something wrong even when you do something right.


Let’s face it.

About the only time someone isn’t going to be giving you shit is if you act like a robot … and even then someone is going to bitch about you being ‘too consistent’ and too much like a robot.





beat the crap situation define 1

I have used a couple Emerson quotes/thoughts today because  he abhorred how society tried to grind everyone into a simplistic repetitive cycle of ‘expectations, reward & recycle.’


He abhorred how society beat the crap out of people their individuality so that they turned into something that they weren’t born to be.


He abhorred the fact the more we got the crap beaten out of us by society & Life beat the crap situation define 2the more difficult it was to break free from the grip of what society expected and demanded of us.


No one said that being yourself was easy.

And it seems like beating the crap out of yourself doesn’t make it any fucking easier.


Everyone has bad days. What counts is how you handle yourself and treat people on a regular basis.


So stop beating the crap out of yourself … that is Life’s job.

easiest lies

October 5th, 2015

lies we tell lots


“The easiest lies to tell are the ones you want to be true.”

Holly Black


“People would far rather be handed an easy lie than search for a difficult truth, especially if it suits their own purposes.”

Joe Abercrombie







believe nothing chalkboardI honestly don’t think most of us purposefully lie.


I tend to believe we just tell what we want to be true purposefully.






Maybe try this.



We tell what we know as the truth.

In other words … <the formula>: what we know = truth.



I assume everyone reading this immediately recognizes the issue, i.e., what we know is simply a question of point in time in that I can know more, or less if someone disproves something we thought we knew, tomorrow.



Making it even more difficult is the fact that everyone likes to think that they are fairly honest and candid.


Basically … people often misperceive their own deceptive behavior <it is truth in their heads so they are simply being candid with what they know>.



Let me compound the issue even more by pointing out that where I began <my belief most people don’t lie purposefully> by saying that a lot of research reflects that lying comes very easy for many people.



Even worse?


Not only is lying fairly common but most people are so good at it we can’t tell they are lying.





Despite all those fancy books at the bookstore telling you how you can tell when someone is being evasive or lying … well … for the most part you cannot.



This means that lying is easy … because there is no accurate way of telling when people are being honest or not.



Research has actually shown that people do not consistently give off the same nonverbal cues when lying.




There is no fool proof way to tell when someone is lying.


<in one study scientists found that there was no pattern of eye movement that predicted lying and in another study people were actually specifically asked to look for signs of lying among interviewees – and half were actually coached on possible cues – and the trained & the untrained fared exactly the same at lie detection>



For sure … research suggests that it is not possible to detect lies based on eye movement and, in general, it is hit or miss whether you can assess lying based on any cues.



This means that most of the lies people tell people never get discovered. In fact, it is estimated that people get away with well over 95% all of the lies they tell.



Why are people so good at lying?



Evidence suggests that lying is a natural skill which people learn to do very early in life. Starting at about age 3 it is pretty normal for kids to lie to get out of trouble. And the same studies show that by the time kids reach age 5 lying to avoid punishment almost becomes the norm <or at least … extremely common>.



And here is the scary part … studies show that parents cannot accurately tell when their youngest children are lying.





While we adults think we are good at spotting lies and liars … the reality is … well … it is more difficult to do than we think. Suffice it to say … our shitty ‘lie spotting skills’ carry over into adulthood and everyone else we meet.



But purposeful lying isn’t really my point today.



The point is we tell lies about thing we want to be true. Maybe we have only assimilated some information and are comfortable it was enough to create some ‘truth’ in our heads. Maybe we just took an idea or thought that matched up with what we already kinda thought … or maybe we just assumed it as truth under the guise of ‘seems like common sense.’



And the reason I included all the crap about how good we are at lying is because I tend to believe that the majority of us are smart enough to know what we speak as ‘truth’ we have only done some cursory due diligence in creating this ‘truth’ in our heads … and yet we speak it as if it were an unequivocal non debatable truth.

In other words … it is easy for us to speak the part we truly believe to be true and easy for us to speak the ‘fluff’ aspect as truth.



Here is what I really know.


Truth is often really difficult to find let alone discern.


Lies don’t have to be truly evil … they can simply be communication of people want liesunenlightened thought <shit we just store up and assume is truth without questioning too much>.


And lies are significantly more palatable to a listener if they suit a general purpose.



Suffice it to say … lies are really easy to tell <consciously or unconsciously>. And it is really hard to NOT accept what we know <at the moment> as anything other than truth.





Truth seeking is a full time job.

Enlightened Conflict