avoiding becoming value parasites

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“The worst type of crying wasn’t the kind everyone could see—the wailing on street corners, the tearing at clothes. No, the worst kind happened when your soul wept and no matter what you did, there was no way to comfort it. A section withered and became a scar on the part of your soul that survived. “

Katie McGarry

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Ok. I almost called this “what is your soul’s value?” but ‘value parasites’ was too good a thought to pass on. Within the context of ‘what are you willing to sell your soul for’ I will explain value parasites later on.

This isn’t a religious post.

Nor is this about selling your soul to the devil.

Its nothing really that deep.

Ok.

Maybe its deep, just not that kind of deep.

This is simply about how far someone is willing to go to sell something.  Or maybe better said how far someone will go to get money, or fame or power or something they desire. This includes business (the company as well as the company you keep). You see money, fame, power as heaven and, well, find yourself in hell.

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”

Mark Twain

Don’t get me wrong.

I like fame. But not all fame is equal. Fame in terms of recognition amongst valued peers is different than fame in terms of followers non TikTok.

I like money. But not all money is equal. Some money fills your soul and some empties your soul.

People who define themselves solely by money can argue this until they are blue in the face. In fact there is even a selling “event” called selling your soul.

“The live Selling Your Soul event in NYC is over, and we’re all rolling on a wave of vivid business-building bliss. It was a high-gloss experience, where we intimately unpacked Burning Questions on messaging, marketing + online money-making, the myth of work-life “balance,” fearless price-raising, prosperous collaborating, and getting Witnessed for what you’re worth.”

Attitudinally one of the owners summarizes it by “I make my own economy.”

But (to be fair). That same owner uses money to balance her principles compass: “I kicked off GirlUp with their first substantial donation, proving once again that lots of cash can = lots of impact. Philanthropy is the bottom line.”

I would argue with the owner in that philanthropy is not her bottom line. Her bottom line is money and she uses her money to create some semblance of balance to justify her attitude toward accumulating money. I feel fairly confident in saying that because her website is strewn with words & thoughts that her soul is defined by a combination of fame & fortune. For her, soul is not based on some moral or purpose-driven principles but rather by outcomes, i.e., fame and fortune. I will say this several times, but this is an individual choice and while I may believe this is ‘selling out’ many other people see this as selling to find personal value.

Regardless. I wish it were that easy for me. Because it is not.

I certainly recognize the choices. Who wouldn’t want to be recognized or have a generous income or a dream vacation home?

Face it.  We all do.

But at what price? And does the end justify the means?

And that is what I mean by emptying your soul or filling your soul. Because in the end you are judging your actions not by tangible things, but the intangible balance of self worth (I purposefully chose ‘worth’ because it is some combination of fruits of labor and self esteem).

I have seen how people justify their decisions a variety of ways:

• winning

Its all about winning. To them all winning is good and there is no such a thing as a bad win. People who define their soul by winning don’t see ‘bad wins’ and only see the alternative as being a loser. Unfortunately, they neglect any principles compass and forget how you play the game matters.

• money

the thought that everything leads to some magical pot of money that will erase all of their problems. These people believe that fancy cars, designer clothes and big houses will make life better. To these people there is no such thing as too much and ‘more’ defines everything they do.

• fame

the spotlight is a dazzling drug. Unfortunately, that spotlight can blind you to the wreckage around you. But to the one seeking fame that is the beauty of being in the spotlight – the only thing you can see under that glaring light is yourself. What can I say. I guess if you really want someone to worship you, consider becoming a benevolent dictator.

• laziness

these are the ones who play the roulette wheel of short cuts to fame and fortune. Sometimes they hit the big win, but more likely they keep losing (but blame the game). I will note the laziest thing you can do with your life is to graduate from an average college, get an average desk job and live out the rest of your life like an average person. That said. Anything beyond ‘average’ takes work, a lot of hard work, with no guarantees of growing wealth or fame, but you will grow, and travel a road that holds some of the most beautiful views in the world.

Oh. And the worst of all? Maybe it’s you want people to like you so you sell your soul to the highest bidder.

To be clear there is always social pressure to fit in, to be recognized, and believe in some form or fashion that you fit into the identity of a particular social stratum. The danger in that social pressure is that we become, as a sociologist suggested, “value parasites.” The people within the segments that I outlined above are typically drawing their consciousness from association with what they perceive as the dominant classes in society and in doing so cultivate a variety of fictional markers of their own identity. It is always within these social strata that people begin the quest for some symbolic capital to find significance.

Anyway.

In the end I know the decision I have made.  And that is always to be true to myself.  Tell the truth.  And seek good wins (not any win). And I have found I cannot work places that don’t feel the same way. Not really just because of me, but because it doesn’t create a corporate culture which I like nor a culture which I ultimately believe is healthy.

And lastly. And maybe most importantly to me. I worry ‘leaders’ (and I use that term loosely in this situation) simply do not recognize the repercussions of their decision to ‘sell out.’ And that is a shame.

“The hell to be endured hereafter, of which theology tells, is no worse than the hell we make for ourselves in this world by habitually fashioned our characters in the wrong way.” 

William James

“Habitually fashioned our characters in the wrong way” as the hell we make for ourselves.

Whew.

I do not believe ‘what is the value of our soul’ or ‘being directed by your inner principled behavior compass’ could ever be articulated better.

Look. We are all sales people in some form or fashion. Mostly that comes to life in the fact we sell our ideas, thoughts and attitudes. Conversely, the world and everyone else is trying to sell you, or sell you on, something.

Be yourself.

Say no and mean it.

Subdue that which tries to destroy you – the temptation to do what you know is wrong.  You are doing nothing, but being untrue to yourself if you get blinded by money or fame. In every decision each person has to hold on to the core value of what defines themselves at their soul.

These decisions either diminish or grow your soul. In other words, you either expand self or reduce self. Both, paradoxically, challenge what is at your ‘center.’ We all have scars on parts of our soul that has survived some of the crappy decisions we have made. And maybe that is my point. Be careful what you sell, it can scar you. Ponder.