enlightened sports

Well.

I have written about sports for a while and there has been a lot going on so I thought I would insure my faithful readers are up to date <i.e., ‘enlightened sportswise>. It will be a brief highlight reel.

the frembledon

This is tennis. French Open and Wimbledon in fact (hence frembledon).  So. The only Americans left involved are in the sportscaster booth so Americans don’t care anymore.

Oh. And there were no French at the Open … so they didn’t care anymore. Hey. But there is a Brit at Wimbledon.

During the French Open there were a shitload of Russians on the women’s side but Putin has eliminated all programming in Russia except replays of his speeches <or him skiing> and the Military Channel <because they only show footage of the Russian army kicking the shit out of everyone>. So the Russians didn’t watch. It seemed like there are a dozen Spaniards left playing in the men’s side but Spain, trying to eliminate their national debt, has sold all their TVs to China.  So Spain didn’t watch.

Bottom line on the French open? A great tournament that no one cared about and no one could watch unless they get ESPN 12. And Nadal won for the 100^th straight year.

Bottom line on Wimbledon? There is a Scotsman in the final so people in Great Britain will watch. Americans are watching Keeping up with the Kardashians and some bachelor or bachelorette show.

roger and me

So. I don’t know Roger Federer (nor does he know me) but we have a relationship.

Huh? Yup. I am not sure he has ever won when I have watched him play on tv. In fact he has often been winning until I started watching him on tv.  I have always sensed this relationship but it was confirmed at a U.S. Open when I flipped on the tv. He had match point and within a minute Djokovic hits a once in a lifetime return (which I am confident he would have never hit if I hadn’t been watching) and turns the match around and Federer loses. So nowadays I flip on to a Federer match for just a bit, watch him lose some games while I watch and then flip away before I let him get too far down so he can win.  It’s a tricky balance. Just in case you think I am nuts he lost the second set in Wimbledon semis today as I watched and he blew a break point as I tried to watch a point … and he won as I went out my way to ignore the fact there was a match on tv.

On a side note. He has never lost when I have seen him in person (I didn’t add that to suggest anything to the Federers, but should they stumble upon this blog but I am not opposed to show up any time Roger would like me to).

It is odd to have such a relationship with someone I like so much and if I were truly enlightened I could probably find some research to suggest some explanation.

But. For now?  I will try and not watch the Wimbledon finals this weekend.

euro soccer tournament

USA national team wasn’t invited so Americans didn’t care. Oh. And it was being played in Ukraine and Poland and I think they are having some type of argument about what languages can be spoken and taught in schools … so … anyway … if you wanted to see any matches it was on ESPN 6 ½.  Or you had to watch sportscenter because I can guarantee you several dudes kicked some insane goals at some insane velocities which made the Top Ten plays. Oh. Spain won.

nba finals

Oklahoma City was in the finals so americans didn’t care. Heck. They aren’t even sure where Oklahoma city is <in Oklahoma … unlike Kansas City … which actually has parts in Missouri>. It doesn’t help the only way to view Oklahoma City home games is to go to PBS when they typically show the farm report.

underwear

yup. This is sports news. Caroline Wozniacki’s new ‘This is Me’ underwear line crashes her website.

This is outstanding sports news and americans <males> do care.

Caroline Wozniacki is launching her own underwear line (the line will consist of: The microfiber line consists of low hipsters, g-string, bra and top in solid colors. The cotton line consists of hipsters, low hipsters, bra and top in both solid colors and different pattern … I included details just in case …).

What Caroline may lack in tennis ability (although she is very good) she does not lack in her ability to make any red blooded male sit on his couch and stop what he’s doing to watch women’s tennis.  And now we can see her in her underwear. Here is to hoping she plays some matches in her new line. That will definitely be seen on main ESPN.

For now? You cannot view her anywhere because she keeps losing and her website has crashed.

NHL

The Los Angeles Kings won the Stanley cup. Lord Stanley must be spinning <or spitting> in his grave. Los Angeles? Hockey? The closest Jack Nicholson has gotten to rinkside seats is the one night he passed out after a Lakers game and the crew had to set up for a Kings match and didn’t move him. It’s not cool without Jack at rinkside. Geez. Next thing you know Jamaica will win the Olympics bobsledding competition.

olympics

its in London. Americans will care because … well … their athletes will compete and there are enough events that at some point, somewhere, some American will be competing that a camera can follow them.

Events? There will be running and swimming and jumping and wrestling … and a lot of serious athletic stuff.

The only aggravation is the break every day for tea and crumpets. It will break the flow a little but have no fear the television networks <even in Azerbaijan > will fill it with inane absurdly stupid commercials or country-patriotic commercials suggesting ludicrous links between some brand and the success of the Olympic athletes.

Sports. Always enlightening. Well. To some people.