love part 1: timing

Ok. This one has been lurking in my draft folder ever since after my 200^th post someone asked me to write some things about love. And I started writing. And then writing more. And then realized it was so multi faceted I had to start breaking it up into separate topics and thoughts. And then all 6 or so love aspects languished in the draft folder.

This one is about timing.

And the fact that timing (in relationship to caring) can be a bitch.

What do I mean?

Well. This isn’t about unrequited love. This is when feelings are reciprocal but for some reason or some circumstances the timing sucks. For one. For maybe both.

“It is one of life’s tragedies when you meet someone that you know is meant to be, but due to unexpected circumstances and misunderstandings, becomes someone you knew.” – anonymous

I myself throughout my life have kind of been a consistent recipient of ‘poor timing’ situations although have had the pleasure of experiencing amazing relationships despite that.

So I have heard far too many people say “if it is right it will work out” or maybe “people find time for someone they love” or even “if it’s meant to be it will be” (which is the one I typically want to shove up everyone’s ass).

Here’s the deal.

Don’t underestimate timing.

I am a firm believer there is several “ones” for everyone. So I certainly recognize that if timing sucks on ‘one’ there will most likely be another ‘one’ at some point.

Unfortunately that doesn’t make ‘poor timing’ suck any less at that time.

So what do you do when timing sucks?

Well.

Wait.

Forever? Nope.

But love is patient and it’s quick.

And waiting is part hope and part fear.

First. Hope?

Hope for returned love.

Because timing is …. well …. about time (duh) you are willing to wait some time to see if fickle time decides to give you a break and create a window of timing opportunity.

Is waiting healthy? Sure. Up to a point. Isn’t that what hope is all about? Some patience. Some space to see what fills that space.

Second.

Fear?

Yup.

Fear.

Despite what I wrote about several ‘ones’ for everyone when you do run into a ‘one’ you always have a fear that they are ‘the one.’

Or maybe better said they are unique enough you are not sure you can find another ‘one’ exactly like that one (and you won’t by the way).

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.” – Bob Marley

Now. I won’t go to the extreme good ole pot smoking Bob does with ‘only once in your life’ but I would suggest that each and every ‘one’ is distinct in their own right. And some distinctnesses rock your world a little more than others. So not all ‘ones’ are created equal.

With that said.

So fear inspires you to wait right alongside hope.

For how long?

Wow.

Here’s the real bitch about timing:

“You really know you love someone when all you want is for them to be happy, even if that means that you are not a part of it.” – hopelessromantic blog

So. Let’s assume the timing sucks for the two caring people.

And because you don’t know if timing can ever be ‘right’ and you do know you would want the other happy regardless … you hold on … but let go at the same time.

Sounds maddening doesn’t it?

Maybe I started my whole love blog series with this one to begin with the point that love is the greatest most maddening thing in the world.

Ah.

But notice.

Nowhere in here did I say love sucks.

Nor did I suggest that love hurts.

Nor did I suggest waiting isn’t worth it.

Nor did I suggest that the fear I discussed is unhealthy or wrong.

Or that having that hope isn’t a good thing.

Because even when the timing is wrong the worst thing you can say about it is “damn, I am pretty sure I missed something really good … but I saw something really good.”

And the other thing?
Sometimes bad timing goes away and good timing arrives. Not always that’s for sure.

But sometimes.

So waiting (for awhile) is worth holding hope in one hand and fear in the other (although putting one down every once in awhile and having a cocktail in one hand helps too).

Yup. It’s a handful (pun intended).

But love, in general, is a handful.

In fact there are so many aspects to love that while I began with timing it is a juggling act of variables that makes it a little easier to see why so many people compromise.

Or so many people seem to end up with the wrong person.

Because to be able to align everything is really really difficult.

Anyway. Bad timing can teach you a lot about yourself and you together. How you manage bad timing situations is a reflection of your character and personal strength and respect and all the things that are actually part of great relationships anyway. Too suggest that bad timing is a character builder would be a stretch (or maybe better said … bullshit). It just sucks. That doesn’t mean it shouldn’t bring out the best in you. Cause if you love someone, regardless of bad timing, well … you love ’em. And that doesn’t sound that bad.

So ends love part 1. Timing.

To summarize.

Timing is a bitch. That’s all you need to know.