Pc-Mad-ic

Ok.

Annoying commercial alert.

There is a commercial on tv for something called pcmatic that reminds me of everything that is bad about poorly done, poorly thought out and poorly created advertising.

Let me begin with the most important information.

14 times in one minute.

14.

That is how often this commercial says the name of the company.

Before I begin my rant here is the commercial I abhor where the college girl and her dad are watching sports on TV:

PCmatic with idiot college girl & dad: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9u_AAKDu54

First. The plot is riveting:

She is getting frustrated at the slowness of her laptop and screaming at it.  Her dad comes up with the brilliant idea of going to pcmatic.com, getting a “free” scan for potential problems causing the computer slowdown … oh <they don’t advertise this> … and then pay $50 in order to “fix” the problems that the “free scan” found.  The girl is in college, she’s wearing a college hoodie <smartly with “STATE” on the frot so you now she goes to a state college> so you kind of assume that she would be smart enough to … well … actually know that there are free programs that do the exact same thing as this advertised program does.

Second. Some idiot produced this <and thought it was a good idea>.

Here is where it all started unraveling <note: I was not in the meeting … if I had I wouldn’t be here … I would have shot myself>.

Someone said “we are a new company and no one knows us … let’s make sure everyone knows who we are so they remember us at the end of the commercial <because we are spending a lot of money – for us – and we do not want it wasted>.”

Someone else said … “sure … we have the prefect simple problem/solution scenario which will portray an exact relevant situation to the relevant people we want to reach.”

<cut to people showing pictures of how the ad would look and a bunch of people babbling about this is the kind of stuff that could win lots of awards and still make the phone ring>

Now.

One of two things happened here <this I can guarantee>

–          This was a hack advertising agency or some local person who thinks that they can ‘do a commercial just as good and as easily as one of them there commercials in the super bowl” who actually wrote an advertisement that had the name 14 frickin’ times in it <citing some made up research about repetition creating memory> and thought it was a good idea and a ‘good business advertisement’, or,

–          This was a client who fucked around with the script thinking that “hey … I read somewhere that people don’t have long attention spans so we need to say the name 14 frickin’ times just in case they only pay attention to this <great> commercial  for 10 seconds or so.”

So.

Here is the deal <part 1>

This is like putting your phone number in a radio advertisement three times because some research has said ‘three times creates retention” <false fact> or a simple belief that everyone near a radio <i.e., in a car driving or at a machine operating a buzzsaw> has a pen and paper and is just waiting to stop and write it down <that would be a false assumption by the way>.

Look. I am okay with repeating the name to be sure people remember it <albeit 14 times said with a super coinciding at every mention could be construed as torture rather than communication>. But it truly isn’t about the sheer number of mentions … it is when & where & how you say it that is most important. Of course … if the advertisement sucks then I guess you just say the name over & over. Regardless … trust me … even the village idiot knows you must have a telephone number or a website if you are advertising.

And even the village idiot doesn’t need to hear your name 14 times to remember it.

Here is the deal <part 2>.

No one deserves this bad of advertising. Not even something like pcmatic. Now. I will probably get an email from either the commercial creator or someone from pcmatic who will tout some results, happiness and some overall disdain for my lack of knowledge.

Baloney.

I can torture numbers to say what it needs to say as you torture me with this ad.

And even if you are actually slightly satisfied with the results I will suggest that simply because you have bad advertising that generates some results that doesn’t mean that it is good advertising <or good for ‘your brand’ or even good communication in general>.

Oh. And I may point out to them ‘imagine what the results would have been if you hadn’t had this drivel running on TV and had something good?’

Here is the deal <part 3>.

People hate bad advertising. Hate it. And while it will create online conversation and some of that infamous ‘buzz’ … it is creating bad buzz.

Ok.

Then somebody at pcmatic had a HUGE idea … how about we say the name less but have a question & answer format between a husband and wife where the answer is always PCMatic?

In this one we will only say the name 9 times. Yep. ONLY 9 <cut to client shaking his head slowly saying to himself “gosh … this had better be good because I don’t think they can do it”>.

Oh.

Even better. Let’s make it patriotic and suggest that pcmatic wants the same thing that Americans want.

Patriotic bad ad: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-9-55btKpc

Whew. Rarely am I rendered speechless … <insert silence here>.

I do not know what to say but “really?”

Really?

Someone really thought this was a good idea?

Anyway.

Here is the worst thing about this. Beyond the fact this is truly bad advertising … the product claim <free scan> is borderline unethical … me? I call it unethical. But there are a shitload of people who would disagree with me.

But I call the product scare ware.  You get a “free” scan which inevitably tells you there are <insert some scary number here> of infections … that they can fix for only $49.95.

And this scan will do this even if you have a topline MacAfee or Norton.

Well.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm …………

I am done with PCmatic.

Now.

I happened to find another advertisement for someone who does the same thing to see if they say the name as much as pcmatic <thinking maybe this is some industry standard in scan companies>.

12 times in 2 minutes <using my graduate school math I would say that makes it 6 times per minute>.

Finally Fast: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHhVyC1MHmA

I don’t get it. Well. I do get it. Heck. I was in the industry so I can even see how it would have happened.

But even so this is the kind of work that should embarrass someone enough to never do it.

And it makes me mad … in fact … PC – Mad – ic.

Shame on whoever did this.