===========

“I quote others only to better express myself.” 

Michel de Montaigne <The Complete Essays>

==========

So <part 1>. This is about me and how often I use quotes as well as my attitude on using quotes and, I imagine, me in business <because I like to use quotes in presentations and in teaching>.

So <part 2>. Ok. I imagine this is actually not about me, but quotes in general.

Regardless. I use quotes all the time. And I take solace in the fact that Montaigne did also. As he, I use quotes all the time because, well, they say it better than anything could ever say. They do help me express myself.

I also use quotes to make a larger point. In today’s world it seems like there is a deep naive thread that some things have never been thought about before, never been discussed before and, even more importantly, have never happened before.

99% of the time someone really smart has thought about the same thing someone today is pontificating about as “the new disaster of the day.”

Which leads me to the fact I use quotes because it is the quote that often makes me think of what to write.

I would imagine over 95% of what I write begins with, or from, a quote.

Uhm. Basically that means 95%+ of the time I do not have an original thought. Yup. Someone else has the original thought and I simply think about it and share something.

Yikes. Does that mean I am unoriginal?

Shit. I’m not sure I should care.

<by the way … I am not sure anyone should care about being unoriginal>

I’m not in the business of original thought. I am in the business of sharing thinking.

That’s the way I look at it.

If I get lucky and am actually original on something that’s simply a bonus. An unexpected bonus.

But I am fairly realistic in that I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer and there have been a shitload of ‘sharp knives’ who have figured out how to say something in a wonderful collection of words and syllables and metaphors which I can only envy … so I use them.

In addition … I imagine this is simply an extension of who I am as a person. A renovator and not a builder. Or what Pareto <an Italian sociologist> called the Speculator and the Rentier.

The Speculator is constantly preoccupied with the possibilities of new combinations.

Rentiers are more conservers of the routine … he also calls them Stockholders.

While I am not sure I agree life is as simple as he suggests, I do agree different people think different ways … and inevitably they have different skill sets <despite the fact many business people would like to think they are good at everything>.

Me? It is absolutely, clearly, in my DNA to be “constantly preoccupied with possibilities of new combinations.”

Anyway. Maybe that is why I use quotes so often. And I will continue to use them until I am sure I have something original to say I will use quotes.

“[A] quotation is a handy thing to have about, saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself, always a laborious business.”

A.A. Milne

Now. I will be honest. I am absolutely positively sure I misuse quotes all the time. So how do I sleep at night knowing that I do so?

Well.

You get to see the quote.

You get to think about the quote.

You get to interpret the quote as you see fit.

You get to see how I interpreted the quote … and agree or disagree.

In the end I imagine that is all I can ask for when I use a quote.

Thinking. Not ‘enlightened’ thinking <that would be slightly pretentious … don’t you think?>. Just thinking.

I tend to think when I use a quote I hope it makes the reader think. Thinking is a means to an end. Thinking begets enlightened. I don’t believe anyone ‘enlightens’, but rather inspires being enlightened.

<note: as you can probably tell I often spend a lot of time trying to explain enlighten conflict to people as well as get a lot f shit about ‘so you are enlightened’ … of which I typically sigh … and say ‘I may be one of the most unenlightened people you will ever meet … but I am certainly a work in progress in terms of trying to become enlightened>

Anyway. I also imagine that I try and use some more obscure quotes and words so in the ‘unexpected’ or ‘new unseen words’ I hope you think anew.

Ok. But quotes themselves.

Well. I admit … I dislike … well … no. Hate. Hate when a quote is used to make a point for which it wasn’t really stated to make a point for.

Many people flippantly use quotes to make a point. Ignoring the context. Often slightly changing the quote. Usually using the part they want and selectively ignoring other parts. Ok. I bet I do it on occasion. And I simply take solace in the fact that maybe all that matters is that we think.

Here is what I know for sure.

Professional writers are professional for a reason, i.e., they know how to put words together in ways that emote.

Amateur writers, while certainly not as good as professional writers, can stumble upon a wonderful moment of clarity in which they put together words in a way that emote.

I seek those moments of words. For in those moments, using other’s words, you step into a world of unimaginable thought.

That, my friends, is my paradise. A world of thought.

I can only hope that on occasion I show you that world. That is why I use quotes.

And because I am fairly sure I cannot do it with my own words. That is why I can live, quite well thank you, being unoriginal.

This I am today … I was yesterday … and will most likely be tomorrow.

Ah. That was  paraphrase of a Louis L’Amour quote <one of my favorites>:

“Everyone has it within his power to say, ‘This I am today; that I will be tomorrow.”

Louis L’Amour

=====

“The fate of this man or that man was less than a drop, although it was a sparkling one, in the great blue motion of the sunlit sea.”

—

T. H. White

<The Once and Future King>

====

“The death of one man is a tragedy.

The death of millions is a statistic.”

—

Joseph Stalin

==

Ok. I imagine we have all discussed at one time or another the question:“is what I do going to really matter?”

In a world of billions and countries of hundreds of millions it is fairly easy to fall back to ‘do nothing’ because ‘doing something’ doesn’t matter.

We look around and see all the statistics & research and see … well … an overwhelming ‘nothing.’

Sure.

Sometimes we feel despair and sometimes we wonder why it happens or why someone didn’t do something or, well, why, why, why.

Sometimes we see statistics and say ‘why should I do something?’ because it all feels this is “bigger than I.”

It is hard to see that all of us matter and that everything we do matters and doing something that matters, well, matters.

But it does.

One person can be a tragedy … or a victory.

One persons’ fate … even in an ocean of people … is a drop with ripples.

The fate of One can impact the ultimate fate of many.

I can give you a gazillion examples of how & when this has happened, but I would imagine you have been bludgeoned with those examples so many times your only response is:

–  Not me, not my life

or

–  Someone else will be that one

I have no real words of wisdom to convince you that your fate, the fate of one, not only matters but could actually be the one that matters.

The only words I have are to say ‘it is so.’

While each of us singly seems so small, just a pebble, we are pebbles dropped into the sea of Life from which ripples reach far & wide in places we have yet to see and may never even see.

In addition, as a pebble we are constantly dropping into this metaphorical sea of Life again and again and again.

Moment after moment after moment.

And maybe that is why we so often feel so insignificant. This multi dimensional interconnected somewhat random  interaction with Life in which some ripple effects somewhere & someone we may never even meet can be an overwhelmingly small but big thing to warp our heads around.

Suffice it to say: not all moments matter and yet all moments matter.  That is the maddening thing about Life.

You cannot know if yesterday’s moment mattered <and fate has been impacted> or if this moment matters <and fate has been impacted> or if a moment yet to occur will be the one that matters <and fate has been impacted>.

You cannot know if your fate will matter or if it will matter a lot <tone one person or to many>. All you can do is assume it does and act accordingly. Assume each day stands still in a long moving Life.

——————-

“Here among the thirty thousand days of a long life, a single day stands still.”

Donald Hall

———

The fate of one can be a tragedy or a victory but I imagine I should suggest that if you accept your fate by acting and doing what you believe is right as often as you can the ripples of your fate will impact someone somewhere positively.

I also imagine that is the largest argument for significance of one person and one act.

I also imagine that is the best argument for the fate of One.

===

“There is nothing quite so useless, as doing with great efficiency, something that should not be done at all.”

―

Peter F. Drucker

===

“Efficiency is doing the thing right.

Effectiveness is doing the right thing.”

―

Peter F. Drucker

===

Well. It took me far too long to recognize why Bernie Sanders is appealing to young people so much.

I knew it wasn’t “free” or any version of entitlement because while that may attract people it doesn’t create passion.

I knew it wasn’t “revolution” because while that generates passion in the young <it is associated with overturning status quo> it isn’t grounded in the kind of realism which creates a true active & involved following.

I knew it wasn’t simply that the system is “rigged” because while that generates some anger or frustration it doesn’t generate the ‘measured optimism’ you feel from younger people.

I also knew the empty criticisms of the young of being lazy, entitled, idealistic, pampered, naïve … are 99% bullshit.

So while Bernie can sometimes feel a little like the Pied Piper I knew there was something deeper.

The deeper ‘thing’ happening is something I have written about ad nausea and believe is what is creating conflict in the business world.  It is what the younger generation wants to embrace in business and career versus what the older generation sees as the way to conduct business and what is important in a career.

Yeah. We seem to forget that each generation creates their own imprint – on society, on culture, on values … and, yes, on business.

My generation was about “efficiency dollars.” How could we squeeze every dollar out of a business with the least resources. We squeezed quality and effectiveness under the scrutiny of efficiency.

The generation before me was about “maximizing quality dollars.” This was about bloated profit margins and charging for high quality output <whether it was actually high quality or not>.

This younger generation sees their own version of business <I speculate it is the “added value dollar” management>. They seek ‘effectiveness’ as defined by Drucker. We may confuse this with ‘having a purpose’ or ‘something bigger’ or , as Bernie suggests, ‘less idolatry of money’, but it is more that younger people want to work in a world which values doing the right thing while making money and less about meaningless material shit.

Now. This doesn’t mean they don’t want to make money. This doesn’t mean that they don’t like money.

It just means they view the business world they want to work in as one doing the right thing versus doing something simply to make money.

This is not a revolution. This is simply a generation standing up and saying ‘here is how we wish the world would view success.’

There may be an ‘anti-establishment’ aspect to what is going on but I would argue it is less about government and less about a ‘rigged system’ and more about a desire to create the system they envision as better than what is. And while Sanders is tactically impractical and offers some unachievable things which are counter to American culture & existing behavior he does offer a vision of a world which the young could embrace … rather than the current world in which the 50somethings are beating the crap out of their hopes and ‘business and career everyday conduct’ desires

The change that this younger generation seeks certainly has some societal aspects but they realistically understand that 80% of their lives is made up of their life in the working world. They also realize, and rightly believe, that if they could conduct business the way they believe it should be conducted that many of the issues we face will inevitably be resolved.

I would guess if asked in one-on-one interviews the young people following Bernie could give a shit if we break up the big banks or big business or even Wall Street. They envision change would occur if they actually were in positions WITHIN the system to create the desired behavior.

They want a chance to do it their way.

Personally? I want them to have a chance to do it their way.

And, yet, they need to understand that the lure of money is corruptive – to a business and to each individual’s moral imperative.

“Few people- and probably no one outside the executive suite – sees much reason for the very large executive compensations. There is little correlation between them and company performance.”

Peter F. Drucker, The Frontiers of Management (1986).

Drucker, in The Frontiers of Management (1986), described this as the “Greed Effect” <he also discussed this in terms of economic salvation in 1989 New Realities>.

To be clear, greed is an easy thing to conceptually dismiss but incredibly difficult to practically fend off as more & more money <and your lifestyle changes with the more money> enters into your Life equation.

Where I think the younger generation may be slightly naïve is to not understand that.

And I think Bernie is extremely naïve on this <mostly because he doesn’t have any business experience>.

Money is here to stay. And the desire to make money & have money is productive — when well managed.

To me there needs to be a shift not in the system but in the heads & hearts of the participants – leaders & employees.

And that is where I saw a difference between Bernie & Hillary in 2016 (and I imagine someone in 2020 will draw a comparison).

Bernie doesn’t know diddleysquat about business but his personal issue, idolizing money is bad, coincides with the younger generation’s belief that there has to be more to life than making gobs of money and going into business every day being measured on outcomes <rather than what is the right thing to do>.

He empowers them to believe they will someday be in control of the business world and can solve it themselves <not the government>.

Hillary also doesn’t know diddleysquat about business but her personal issue, removing problems/barriers, not only does not coincide with the younger generation’s attitudes but also does not appeal to what every business person knows …  “results are obtained by exploiting opportunities, not by solving problems.” <Peter F. Drucker>. She does not inspire empowerment but rather offers government solutions to enable an individual to be less constricted with regard to opportunity.

One suggests you will be able to take the bull by the horns <”because I believe you are capable to do so”>.

One suggests we will fence in the bulls <”because I believe if the bulls are gone you are freer”>.

Both are good solutions, but younger people are more apt to be full of piss & vinegar and will take the former over the latter. That is <mainly> why young people follow Bernie.

Look. I do think a successful business needs compensation as a reward and incentive and that they should be directly tied to the achievement of objectives <or progress>. And I do believe that compensation systems should not be so rigid as to exclude special rewards for “performance over and above the call of duty.”

But I do believe that each business generation arm wrestles the torch from the prior business generations as they create the business environment they envision and the objectives can change therefore the compensation rewards would inevitably change.

And that is what Bernie is really tapping into. And, frankly, I agree. I just don’t agree with going about it like he is suggesting.

Making money is good.

Wanting to make money is good.

Having money is good.

Thinking about money with perspective is even ‘gooder.’

I get tired of reading over and over and over again about anger and anti-establishment and … well … everything else almost every politician or political pundit keeps blabbing about. I wish they would start discussing attitudes & behaviors and why generations are threatened and other generations are inspired to attempt change.

In the end it will not matter to America, or any country for that matter, to make some nebulous ‘political party’ unite. What will matter is to unite, or align, generations. We need the 50somethings to embrace the opportunities the 20somethings have to offer the existing powerfully effective systems and, conversely, we need the 20somethings to embrace the opportunities the 50somethings have provided them.

====

originally published April 2016

====

– From birth, assume their abilities are limitless.

– Put enjoyment of activities ahead of competitive success.

– Be relaxed about whether they are exceptional, while celebrating it if it happens.

– They will be exceptional because you have high standards but they need to identify with those standards by choice.

—-

Oliver James

<psychologist and author of Not In Your Genes>

====

This is about the relationship between success, or being exceptionally good at something, hard work and liking what you do as ‘work.’

Lets get one of the biggest obstacles most of us have ingrained in us out of the way: your genes don’t dictate your achievement. Genes affect your physical strengths and weaknesses that could impact what you elect to do <height, weight, sight, muscular, some physical limitations, etc.>, but you are not born with “oh, that’s not in me” type behavioral things.

I think this is important to think about and discuss not only with regard pre-business youth, but also as a young person considering a career and work environment.

Shit. There are some things I will be writing today that I keep in mind as I counsel senior business leaders in steering a company.

Significant long term research <the Human Genome Project in particular> suggests that genes play little or no role in explaining differences in intelligence.

This means that genes are not the reason you are smarter or ‘less smarter’ than anyone else in your family.

This means that almost everyone has the potential to succeed in school, life and careers.

This means that there is no inherent reason why children from low-income families cannot succeed as much as those from wealthy families <assuming they all have similar opportunities — which they don’t but that is another post for another day>.

Studies show over and over again that if a young person believes their mental/intelligent abilities are not fixed <i.e., “you are not good at math” or “you are not artistic”>a young person can increase performance in any subject.

Studies show that that “left brain/right brain” is a myth which, when perpetuated, “fixes” perceptions of certain abilities in young people.

Let me be clearer. If parents or teachers do not start from the assumption that abilities are fixed, children will perform better.

Now. Let’s go to additional studies.

Exceptional success does require exceptionally hard work. The classic research example used is the fact that all professional orchestral soloists who have been studied have done at least 10,000 hours of practice. As a corollary, no orchestral players have done so <they average 8,000 hours>.

<Note: this is the study from which Gladwell erroneously made his suggestion that anyone can be an expert in anything if they put in 10,000 hours of anything>

What Gladwell missed, and what people should think about, is why some put in the extra 2,000 hours <the 8 to 10k> and why some do not.

Oh. And does it matter if you do not put in the extra 2,000 hours if you end up emotionally healthy and ‘successful’ in terms of who and what you are?

This is where ‘nurturing’ comes into play.

The environment in which young people <and I would argue this is the same in business ‘nurturing’ of employees> is groomed for future success and aspirations matters. Studies show ruthless, competitive and perfectionist/seemingly implacable “never good enough” environments are more likely to nurture what is called “ego-depletion.”

This ‘depletion’ means that later on in life the person creates compensation techniques <which are most likely not the healthiest decisions>. And the compensation techniques are more often than not doing “bad” things as compensation. In tangible terms, this means if you do something you dread to do, you will be more likely to feel like ‘compensating’ by eating a carton of ice cream or drinking some cocktails afterwards.

Now. The way to eliminate ego depletion can be found <most often> in one key foundational behavioral aspect – choice. At any age, if something is truly deemed a ‘self-determined choice’ rather than feeling it is imposed, the ego is not depleted but rather enhanced <note: this is an important, under discussed, aspect of self organization and autonomous organizational thinking>. There have been a number of studies that suggest if you treat aspirational hard work, training, practice and studying as a more playful activity – or let’s call this enjoyment tied to ‘work’ – with an imagined array of dramatic wins and losses the learning becomes more cognitive and achievement & success assessment acquires a healthier perspective <note: this is the foundation of ‘gamification theory’ in business>.

Approached this more positive way, learning – the hundreds of hours practicing & work investment -, can quickly become thousands of hours because it is not solely work but has incorporated some self determined enjoyment.

The implications are clear. The person becomes better while remaining happier.

Success, and achievement, thus is not a specific goal but rather improvement <progress>. In other words, the person just does “well.”

And within this simple concept of ‘doing well’ their idea of ‘exceptional achievement’ becomes self identified and they are less likely to encounter emotional distress that typifies the stress of “trying to meet the expectations of someone else rather than self.”

An additional benefit is they are also less likely to be encumbered by narcissism <or me, me, me behavior> later in Life. In my words,  if you are more well-rounded than you are less likely to create some ‘unhealthy compensatory behavior’ aspects.

Look.

Everyone should have aspirations. And we should always encourage aspirations in the young <and in business> … because not doing so actually creates something called ‘emotional neglect’ – which leads to apathy and lower self esteem.

Yes. We should always encourage aspirations, but recognize exceptionalism must come from within a person and not by some external structural system.

Me? I am by no means an exceptional achiever. And that has nothing to do with genes <both my parents were exceptionally intelligent and ‘achievers’>. I am sure in some way my current behavior, and the behavior that got me to where I am today, is created by whatever subtle mix of parenting I received in combination with whatever subtle mix of managing I received in my ‘second youth’ <which is what I call a young person’s first foray into the business world>.

I would suggest it is probably the same for you and your aspirations.

Anyway. I imagine I have a three points for older folk.

– Just as ‘interesting/entertainment’ is the key to engaging someone in listening to something you have to communicate … enjoyment is the key to learning & personal investment in the work you need to put in to become ‘exceptional.’ I would suggest that we need to think about how flippantly we state ‘work is work and that is why it is hard’ to young people.

I love doing some things and even if I put 100’s of hours … it is a version of ‘work’ I enjoy. Therefore, not all work is created equal. I kinda wish we would more often take this point of view with young people instead of pounding away on perfectionism and ‘outcome focus.’ Or at least balance this discussion out a little more often.

– There are several opportunities to nurture. Far too often we say youth shapes behavior. Well. It certainly impacts behavior … significantly so. But we have a number of opportunities to significantly impact a young person’s behavior. Just as I believe teachers can ‘re-align’ young people I believe business managers also have that opportunity.

Personally I never treated employee management as business management, I considered it Life management with a focus on business. Semantics? Maybe.

But the reality is when a young person steps into business for the first time their behavior is shapeable. So all this crap about ‘millennial entitlement’ or ‘young people don’t want to work’ is just that … crap. A good manager in business can ‘re-align’ a young person’s attitude and certainly their behavior. A crappy manager doesn’t even try to do so.

And you are not even a manager if you don’t believe it is your job to do so.

– Exceptional. Exceptional is a tricky word and a tricky concept. It is tricky because there is no one simple definition.  And because of that we constantly misuse it <even when well intended>.

I would suggest even recognizing that ‘exceptional’ is multi-dimensional and often contextual & situational concept is a good thing for us older folk. I guess, to me, exceptional is more often than not an aspiration and not a destination many of us ever actually attain. We may see glimpses on occasion but, in its truest sense, exceptional is a very very difficult status to attain. On the other hand … I could suggest that if you can be the best you can be … really the best you can be … that is exceptional.

In the end.

Just try and remember that having exceptional success is very rarely associated with what genes you are born with … it is more likely associated with your attitude. Find something you enjoy doing, put in the hard work doing it and, well, you just may do something exceptional.

======

Originally published March 2016

==========

“There’s nothing worse in the world than thinking you have a chance when you really don’t.”

–

Meredith Grey

========

Ok. This is mostly about business <but certainly offers some Life thoughts>. This is about motivation, risk and discerning reality from wishful thinking (which is actually a management skill).

First.

I do believe if you ‘play’ … you should play to win.

Second.

I also realize that sometimes in Life, and in business, we play … and play knowing we don’t have a chance in hell of winning.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Someone will point out the times where someone was given no chance and they won. I will then point out that it is just like the ‘poor to rich’ examples — they are exceptions. Few & far between. Unfortunately, the majority of time if you have no chance (seriously: you really do not).

Now. For some reason when someone starts talking about ‘no chance’ the phrase “playing to win or playing not to lose” rears its ugly head. And while it sounds good to say “you’re playing to win” in your business, what exactly does that really mean?

We can dance on the head of this pin all day long if you are not careful.

Some suggest playing to win means playing all out, as in, going for it all and holding nothing back.

Some suggest that playing not to lose means holding something back, at its worst ‘being conservative’, and at its most prudent ‘making sure if you don’t win you have something left’ <or minimize losses>.

First of all.

Every good business person does both. Playing to win isn’t always about resources … it’s more often about effort & attitude.

Think about it. I can hold reserves back and tell the ones attacking to ‘go for broke’ and they actually play harder because they know there are reserves if they falter. Technically that puts you in the ‘playing not to lose’ category and technically that is shit.

Regardless. This is where ‘no chance’ comes into play.

There may be nothing worse in business than thinking you have a chance when you don’t have an ice cube’s chance in hell. This mostly sucks because at the conclusion, for the leader, it makes you second guess whether you are a good judge of ‘chance’ or if you are a shitty leader or it makes you second guess your people <”are they good enough? … because we sure as hell had a chance”>.

This can suck the life out of a manager.

For at the conclusion, for the worker people, who tend to be thinking in general on most projects and initiatives “why the hell are we doing this because it has no chance of working” anyway … it simply becomes confirmation that most initiatives have no chance.

This can suck the life out of an organization.

Look. Thinking you have a chance is normal. In fact, it is so natural to think it you almost have to convince yourself that there is no chance. Society, and crappy managers, are constantly seeking ways to convince you that the latter is simply signs of pessimism or lack of ‘positive thinking.’

In addition, we all ache to not be mediocre and for some reason ‘not having a chance’ is directly linked to ‘not good enough’ and can very quickly, and very stealthily, slip into thoughts of mediocrity.

Well. That is shit too. No chance is … well … no chance. It doesn’t necessarily mean not good enough nor does it have to suggest mediocrity.

Simply: no chance is no chance.

In fact, I would suggest a sliver of a chance is still no chance. Note: this always reminds me of Dumb & Dumber:

—–

Lloyd Christmas: What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me … ending up together?

Mary Swanson: Well, Lloyd, that’s difficult to say. I mean, we don’t really …

Lloyd Christmas: Hit me with it! Just give it to me straight! I came a long way just to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me.

What are my chances?

Mary Swanson: Not good.

Lloyd Christmas: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?

Mary Swanson: I’d say more like one out of a million.

[pause]

Lloyd Christmas: So you’re telling me there’s a chance… YEAH!

—-

Yeah, yeah, yeah … once again … people are gonna come out of the woodwork to point out the times the sliver of a chance became reality.

But.

Life, and in particular, Business is about making choices on where to invest energy. Investing energy in ‘no chance’ situations and initiatives are a drain — individually & organizationally.

In addition, those incredibly rare ‘no chance wins’ take on a Life of their own which most leaders and managers mismanage by encouraging overall belief rather than encouraging ‘we beat the odds which is an exception <which creates exceptional moments>’. Managers need to teach & coach employees to honestly assess chance.

Shit. Managers need to get better at ‘not thinking there is a chance’ assessment.

Shit. Businesses, in general, just need to admit they have no chance when they literally have no chance.

I am certainly not suggesting this is easy. Having been in dozens of painful business meetings where everyone fights to NOT admit we don’t have a chance because, well, it absolutely sucks to have no chance let alone admit you have no chance. While I noted earlier it is bullshit to associate this thinking with mediocrity we all inevitably dance with this ugly feeling at some point in this discussion.

But what sucks more? Thinking you actually have a chance when you do not.

In the end I believe what I am suggesting is that a successful life, personally and in business, incorporates some pragmatism. I say that as an unequivocal “hope” guy. But hope needs to be treated well in order to treat you well … abuse it and you lose it.

So … remember.

Hoping you have a chance is significantly different than thinking you have a chance. And maybe it is within that distinction that most of us just suck at thinking.

But we should all take solace that even in our suckedness there is good. It is good that everyone hopes they have a chance and it is good that all of us dance on the thought of having a chance. It is a beautiful heartening uplifting soul sweeping dance which all of us should learn the steps to.

That said.

We should just know when to leave the dance floor.

====

… my grandfather taught me … “… the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.”

—

Stephen Covey’s grandson

====

Well. This is about focus and decisions (because if you focus on the wrong decision you are in trouble).

Anyway. When I saw “… the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing” this morning I was reminded how much most of us, young & old, in business suck at this. Yet, it sounds so frickin’ simple … how could we all suck so much at this?

A couple thoughts on that:

– We get distracted.

– The main thing we select is not really the main thing.

Let’s be clear. The ‘main thing’ is the relationship between “what I elect to, or should, focus on” and actual ‘focus’, i.e., the decision and the commitment to the decision. If you get either side of this relationship wrong you may as well accept ‘non success.’

Let me explain the two things.

Distraction.

While what I am now going to say sounds contrary to popular belief — I am not sure life and business is any more distracting now than it was years ago. The props may have changed but, in my view, distractions are distractions and all distractions of any size, quantity or quality are persistent sonuvabitches. In addition. It is this view, the traditionally historical strength of distractions to distract us, that drives my belief that anyone of any age sucks at the main thing remaining the main thing. Distractions test our commitment – at any age. And, frankly, I could argue that if you are so easily distracted than it CAN’T be your ‘main thing’ <but I won’t>.

For young people everything is typically incredibly overwhelming as it is, therefore, distractions can be a coping mechanism, i.e., relief from the overwhelming or a bad way of coping with overwhelming.

For older people, regardless of experience, it isn’t that things are overwhelming it’s just that you always know that no matter how much you do there is always more to do and that ‘more to do’ will always be there waiting. Therefore we older folk justify the distractions <in our heads> as ‘the main thing may have a deadline but it will not disappear simply because I may elect to ignore it for a minute or two.’

But. Here is the most persistent distraction in business – success in the present.

In a world which is constantly screaming “adapt, adapt, adapt’ it becomes incredibly easy to start following success. And I mean INCREDIBLY EASY. Success is a seductive bastard. And far too often success in the present can look an awful lot like long term success <their costumes look very similar>.

All I can really say is that it is incredibly easy for anyone, at any experience level in business, to get distracted from the ‘main thing.’

Not really the main thing.

Whew. Two aspects of this …

– a main thing based solely on ‘tangible’ <or … let’s say ‘there is a lack of emotional investment regardless of the desire to meet the objective’>

– the main thing is a reflection of a created priority.

First.

Lack of emotional investment.

In business we are infamous for creating tangible milestones and objectives and in doing so we expect people to be emotionally invested in achieving that ‘main thing’ we need to do.

Uhm. In my mind that is like manufacturing passion or happiness <cannot really be done>. Here I suggest a dose of reality to business people: don’t try and manufacture emotional energy and accept some things just as they are. I can have milestones, objectives and success criteria, but they don’t have to be ‘the main thing we need to do.’ These are simply shit that needs to be done.

If something doesn’t have a purpose beyond some number objective it is extremely difficult to have genuine emotional investment. I would actually suggest without emotional investment it really cannot be a ‘main thing.’

Second.

Created priorities.

When you don’t know what you want to do or where you really want to go, inevitably, a priority is created to take the place of those things. That is a created priority.

I am not suggesting they aren’t useful and as transition ‘progress behavior motivators’ they can be excellent tools – but let’s not confuse them with ‘a main thing.’ Yet, we do confuse them again and again <and again>. Created main things, if you are not careful, are rabbit holes. You can follow a ‘created main thing’ as persistently & stubbornly as if it is a real main thing and end up in a really really bad place.

Managers in business are infamous for creating ‘main things’ <and rabbit holes>. What these managers don’t realize is that their employees see right thru the created aspect.

This creates issues because while the ‘workers’ become cynical over having to invest energy on some created priority cloaked by some manager in “main thing prioritizing”, when things do not go as planned far too many times managers step back saying things like “I don’t have the right people to implement the important objectives” or the ones with good intentions focus on the wrong things like ‘I need to learn how to motivate my people’ <only to implement some of the wackiest motivational shit you will ever see>. Not often enough do managers look in the mirror at the actual stimulus, or, this ‘main thing’ they’ve identified, and truly challenge whether it really is a ‘main thing’ rather than simply a business objective we need to attain for the good of the business.

Now. All that said. The ‘main thing’ this young man is referencing in the opening quote is his decision, as a Mormon; to go on mission for two years despite the fact he is having a fabulous year as a wide receiver for the Utah football team.

There is emotional investment.

It is not a created priority.

And while an incredibly powerful persistent distraction poked at him <success in the present>, he, well, remembered the main thing is the main thing.

In the end.

I admit. I came to admire Stephen Covey’s thinking late in Life. Maybe I just needed to mature intellectually to get the nuance of what he tried to tell us or maybe I just didn’t understand the ‘main things’ in business well enough. Regardless, in a different, but still good, way than Peter Drucker, Covey thinking makes for better business minds <and behavior>.

I know I certainly don’t have all the answers and that is why I read and think about words from Toffler, Drucker & Covey — more so than Godin and Gladwell. Business thinking, as well as any type of thinking, is hard work. Covey & the best business thinkers make you think … sometimes almost in such a complex nuanced way that it always seems like it is slightly out of your grasp <versus the more modern business thinkers who tend to offer formulas and soundbites>. I could argue that we need to stop seeking answers and continue to persistently ask questions.

Anyway.

The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. A twisted but simply important thing to keep in mind.

====

=====

“I’m addicted to the world’s whisper.”

———-

Patrick Madden

====

Well. Every once in a while you find some words, a quote in this case, which makes you stop and think and it reaches into your business mind and personal mind. This was one of those quotes for me.

I am an introvert at my core. I think that makes the thought of a “world’s whisper” resonate with me because, well, this may sound obvious, but the world, the people in it and the thoughts that pervade the ether of each day are fascinating.

Fascinating to me and I actually believe fascinating to a lot of people. I think we all feel that way <albeit we get scared of the exact same things on occasion> but I think introverts just listen a little more closely to the whispers..

Regardless. While it may seem everything in the world is shouting at the top of their lungs, the good stuff whispers.

I know I am addicted to the whispers.

I know I am addicted to listening for them.

And I don’t understand why more people don’t have this addiction.

And I really don’t understand it now that we have the internet.

What do I mean? In the good old days, to hear the whispers, you needed to be physically engaged. You had to travel, sit & watch, immerse yourself in what is happening. If you were even slightly introverted, it could kind of suck. At minimum, a little uncomfortable.

In the good ole ‘new’ days you can lurk <if you are introverted> and be actively involved <if you are not>. Yeah. Lurking online sounds creepy, but if it is done with the intent to listen to the whispers of the world I find it difficult to find fault in the behavior.

While people will argue with me, I would suggest that it is just as difficult to hear the whispers online as it is to hear them in the physical world. I say that because regardless of the environment you are sifting through the noise and untangling that which is unimportant and tugging at the threads of what is important.

Personally I don’t really give a shit on the environment, online/offline/noisy/silent, all I care about is leaning in closely to hear the good stuff — the whispers.

All that said. Some of you may have no clue what the fuck I am taking about.

That’s okay.

You just haven’t heard the whispers yet. If you had, you would never stop listening for them.

It s the good stuff. Its the kind of stuff worth listening to (and listening for>. I could suggest it is within the whispers that you will find what truly matters, but I am not sure I can <I don’t have empirical support/research> so all I can say is that it is the good stuff.

It is the extraordinary thread woven amongst the beautiful blanket of the everyday ordinary.

====

“The idea of the extraordinary happening in the context of the ordinary is what’s fascinating to me.“

Chris Van Allsburg
=====

And for those who haven’t heard the whispers?

It is worth trying.

You just have to listen closely. Sometimes you just have to lean into Life a little and listen just a little closer. The whispers are there and I can promise you, they are worth hearing.

==========

Post hoc ergo propter hoc

(Latin) “after this, therefore because of this” is a logical fallacy that states “Since event Y followed event X, event Y must have been caused by event X.”

The fallacy lies in coming to a conclusion based solely on the order of events, rather than taking into account other factors that might rule out the connection.

===========

“I believe all suffering is caused by ignorance.

People inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their happiness or satisfaction.”

—-

Dalai Lama

======================

Human behavior, natural inclinations and how bad leaders manipulate what many people naturally feel.

I thought about this because every time some terrorist does something, particularly if they are Muslim, it stimulates a response. That is the basic stimulus response reaction we all have.

The basic response we have is actually twofold … there is the Reptilian knee jerk response and then there is the more thoughtful responsible response.

By the way, both are viable thoughts <which everyone should think about before they call someone’s response silly, naive or stupid>.

One is basic reflexive survival instinct. One is filtered through reasoned response. And, as with almost anything in Life, truth in the proper response resides in the balance. But while balance is the desired objective for most of us  that doesn’t mean if someone shouts something out in the aftermath of some conflict or event that appeals to our Reptilian instincts we will not pay attention.

In fact, whether someone admits it or not, that initial knee jerk reaction sounds legitimate and worthy of consideration because it appeals to our “flee or fight” instincts.

Now. Far too often everyday people, in today’s world, suggest the Reptilian response is the ‘common sense’ response. And, as so often true, there is a big grain of truth within that thought. The trouble is that while stimulus response is a linear truth <in a brain way> … in the real world cause and effect is not always linear … and, yet, is still true.

A terrorist act is not a larger reflection of danger to overall safety & security <we are more likely to be killed by a fellow citizen than a Muslim or a refugee or an immigrant>.

A terrorist act is not a larger reflection of some majority ideological danger <this is a small small minority acting upon a sliver of a truth>.

A terrorist act is actually a reflection of how a significant small minority can impact a significant large majority of an opposite view <this is also called the minority majority paradox>.

And, yet, asshats like Trump actually respond to the events, and our Reptilian brain, almost in sinc with the Islamist terrorist fanatics themselves.

They feed off each other in a Reptilian way.

Their knee jerk responses focus on vindicating the initial Reptilian brain reflexive response. And, unfortunately, it does vindicate what many, maybe most, people feel initially.

That is how our brain works and that is what these assholes play to.

====

After the Bataclan atrocity his captors would be scanning social media and celebrating: “‘We are winning’, they’d say. They will be heartened by every sign of overreaction, of division, of fear, of racism, of xenophobia; they will be drawn to any examples of ugliness on social media.”

Words from Nicolas Hénin, a Frenchman who survived being taken hostage by Isis

====

Our Reptilian brain wants exactly what a terrorist wants. Attention and reflexive action; not responsive action.

Uhm.

But there is a reason we do not live our lives solely by following our Reptilian brain.

Any marketing person will tell you activating the Reptilian brain is powerful, but people desire more. Most of us do not succumb to our Reptilian brain or ignore the cortex and limbic system because most of us understand nuanced responses tend to mesh better to reality than simplistic ‘fight or flee’ responses. In fact. While a Reptilian response feels good <instant gratification>, the greater value <sustained gratification> is more often found in thoughtful responses.

====

The Brain Response Mechanism:

• Cortex: handles learning, abstract thought, imagination
• Limbic system: deals with emotions (structures between birth to 5yrs old)
• Reptilian brain (brain stem/cerebellum): instinctive, needed for survival and reproduction

 ====

Now. The American Reptilian brain is a little different than other country’s citizens. It gets driven by what Clotaire Rapaille called “the American Culture Code.” Using the words of Nike one can boil the American agenda down to three simple words: “Just do it.” Our champions are athletes, entrepreneurs, police officers, firefighters, and soldiers – all people who take action. Americans celebrate work and turn successful business people into celebrities. Donald Trump and Bill Gates are celebrities. Stephen T. Covey, Jack Welch, and Lee Iacocca are mega-selling authors. Our best-sellers include The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and Good to Great.

We may respect thinkers, but we don’t celebrate them nearly as much as we do our action figures.

When our forefathers came to America and discovered a huge undeveloped land, their first thought wasn’t “let’s have some tea” … it was “let’s get to work.”

In fact. The American Culture Code for work is WHO YOU ARE. We seek much our personal, and country, meaning in our jobs & work <note: this is not particularly healthy & has some societal issues>.

That said.

That means when a terrorist event happens, well, we want to go to work. We want to be champions and ‘just do it.’

That is our Reptilian brain kicking in.

So. Why did I decide to share this?

Well. Because when Trump or any populist sends out a tweet <and media amplifies it on air> he is appealing to our Reptilian Brain <which we all have>. He encourages us to think our natural reptilian instinct, our reflex action, is the right thing to think. Luckily, most of us slowly slide by the Reptilian reflex and shift into a more thoughtful response.

But a significant minority stays right there in the Reptilian thought and, well, shout common sense! And I can live with that <although I will do everything in my power to explain why it is not>.

What may aggravate me even more is that people smart enough to know that isn’t the answer start suggesting the Reptilian reflexive response is the smartest most common sense response. There is no excuse for that … or them.

To be clear. There is a time & a place for reflexive Reptilian behavior, but you cannot, and should not, live your Life that way 100%.

And maybe that is my gripe with Trump <beyond some of his divisive ideas>. He seems to live in a 100% Reptilian world themselves and want to demand the general population to live the same way.

Uhm. That is no way to live.

That is assuming basic survival is the best level and not the ground level. He seems to be suggesting one of the simplest mistakes almost every one of us does which is to look at an outcome as an outcome of a sequential list of events.

And, well, that is the fallacy of if this then this.

Life is rarely that simple. The world is certainly not that simple. And I seriously doubt a terrorist act is that simple. Terrorism, and the roots of terrorism, is not a linear problem nor will solving it require a linear solution.  We will not find simple cause & effect reasons nor will we isolate the desired ‘if this then that’ which would explain everything easily.

Look. Once again I am trying to share some fake pseudo intellectual argument that while it is tempting to think of someone like Trump’s rhetoric with regard to immigrants, refuges and Muslims <criminals and terrorists> because it appeals to our Reptilian brain – we are better than that.

Smarter than that.

We can ‘survive’ smartly.

We can ‘survive’ without being devoid of values to our fellow humankind.

We can ‘survive’ without sacrificing some of the founding freedoms which we offer to anyone who elects to come to our country.

We can ‘survive’ by maintaining one of the core distinct differences USA has versus other countries — “innocent until proven guilty.”

<which, to date as far as I can tell, has not undermined our country by being overrun by criminals and terrorists>.

Of course we should be vigilant.

Of course we should take smart proactive steps to address radicalization.

Of course we should aggressively prosecute those who are truly guilty.

But assuming guilt simply because Reptilian brain suggests it?

C’mon. We know better than that.

Let the asshats speculate. Sometimes they will be right and sometimes they will be wrong.

The rest of us should await the facts and in doing so will always be 100% right.

————

“I’ve seen plenty of your kind … you Americans.

Refugees from that brave new world you have over there.  Pilgrims in search of your Mecca … only you have no Mecca.

You’ve rejected one world and can’t quite smuggle your way into another so you wander like lost souls among all the libraries, museums, palaces and cathedrals of Europe … never quite seeing or catching hold of anything that lies outside those musty, but god knows elegant, interiors. It’s called ‘finding oneself’ I believe … as if a self can exist at the end of some tourist’s itinerary like a pot of gold.

Yet it’s kind of a fear isn’t it? A fear of Life.”

=

Celestial chess

—

“I have a deep fear of being too much.

That one day I will find my someone, and they will realize that I am
a hurricane.

That they will step back and be intimidated by my muchness. “

=

Michelle K.

———

So. Muchness. Muchness is what resides within each one of us. The problem is Life, in general, encourage us to exhibit, well, much less. Therefore we seem to spend a lot of time in the wretched hollow between our muchness and what we believe the world can accept of our muchness. In other words, we are always seek to constrict not expand.

Oddly this creates a lot of self reflection. A lot of “who am I”, finding onself and defining what is the right level of public muchness. We search as in “as if a self can exist at the end of some tourist’s itinerary like a pot of gold.” Far too often finding one’s muchness, paradoxically, seems a lot like stagnancy. There may seem like a lot of movement in that you may be moving around a lot <going places, visiting libraries, museums, palaces and cathedrals of Europe>, but in actuality, you are stagnant … personally.

All the movement appears to be some kind of search within oneself, but you are doing it by seeking ‘out-of-self’ things. Worse? Your self search often gets judged by what cues the ‘out-of-self- things provide you. Its almost like the search makes you a refugee from yourself. You invest energy not on progress but rather in searching backwards or ‘within’ <by viewing within the past for insights> to find ‘something.’

Well. This all seems crazy to me. Seems like maybe by the time you finish your search the rest of the world has moved on by. I would suggest time may be better served by something in which typical ‘finding oneself’ discussions do not appear to encompass — the word ‘disturbing.’ As in maybe ‘disturbing oneself.’ As in disturbing the universe. Kind of like shaking the personal etch a sketch a bit and in doing so be willing to shake the societal status quo of “what you should expect” etch a sketch..

By the way, to me, the fact ‘disturbing’ rarely is included in any ‘finding oneself’ discussion is crazy. Mostly because emotion is the energy for change and I would argue emotion is the engine for muchness.

Ok. What the hell am I talking about? The roots of disturb is the latin word – Emovere.

===

<latin> emovere: to disturb

===

Emotion literally means disturbance. The word emotion comes from the Latin emovere meaning “to disturb.” Therefore, emovere can be seen as a version of how we find ourselves. A combination of emotion & disturb is the creation of one’s muchness.

Look. Disturb may sound, well, disturbing or maybe a little extreme but, what the hell, you spend gobs of energy going out and about having rejected one world and can’t quite smuggle your way into another so you wander like lost souls.

The whole idea of ‘finding oneself’ all with the overall intent to seek opportunities to find out about ourselves and discover your muchness, i.e., what we are made up of and what we can be.

Disturbing, at its core, is about shifting shit so that opportunities can be uncovered.

This leads me to a guy named Pittacus … one of the Seven Sages of Greece. While each of the seven sages was supposed to represent an edict of worldly knowledge <Solon of Athens was actually “know thyself”> it was Pittacus who proposed ‘you should know which opportunities to choose.’

—

Other Pittacus Quotes

“It is hard to be good”

“Know when to act”

“Seize Time by the forelock.”

–

Disturbing is the energy which creates opportunities <not wandering the world of libraries and museums> and then … well … you gotta know which opportunities to choose.

Shit. No wonder we decide to try and find oneself by wandering the world, it sounds a shitload easier than disturbing, recognizing opportunities, than actually knowing which opportunities to choose. In fact all that sure sounds like there is lots of room for errors or missed opportunities are even a lot of bad choices.

Well. That’s the deal if you want to find yourself and let the world see your muchness.

It ain’t easy. And there is a lot of room for mistakes and bad choices. You gotta keep your eye on the prize.

Oh shit. The prize. The prize is actually finding being oneself – being your muchness.

Now. ‘Muchness’ is a great thing for you … uhm … but can be scary for others around you.

However. Not everyone, in fact, I would suggest the majority of us never discover our maximum muchness. Most of us just find crumbs of our muchness <and are quite satisfied>.

Some of us just get a bite or two of our muchness <and that is even more satisfying>. And then there are the few who actually find ‘oneself’ and all their muchness. Which leads me back to where I opended today:

————

“I have a deep fear of being too much.

That one day I will find my someone, and they will realize that I am
a hurricane. That they will step back and be intimidated
by my muchness. “

—————–

Well. This makes me think that maybe the reason most of us go about finding ourselves the wrong way is because most of us fear becoming the hurricane we could be. Muchness is scary. Muchness is not only a little scary to ourselves but absolutely can be intimidating to others. Hence … “you can be a little too much on occasion.” Frankly, this is where it gets tricky. When you hear that you naturally pull in your muchness. Which is a little nuts. Nuts because YOU can handle your muchness its OTHERS who cannot – its their issue and not yours.

Anyway.

I imagine my real point in all of this is that while finding oneself is not easy once you embrace your muchness it gets difficult.Here’s what I do know.

—

disturb + recognize opportunities + choose the right opportunities = muchness

—

Let’s be honest. Most of us, even if we are really lucky, will only find crumbs of our muchness. Yup, even if we do most of the formula right … just crumbs. And that is manageable. And while crumbs sounds … well … crummy. It’s not. They represent glimpses of our greatness. The muchness inside us is the best of our best … the best version of I … the greatness within.

And even if we only get a glimpse of it? Well. In the immortal words of the coach in the movie The Replacements:

==

“Greatness, no matter how brief, stays with you forever.”

Gene Hackman <the replacements>

==

Finding oneself truly has to be done with some intent of finding some greatness <I mean, c’mon, why else would we invest energy doing it?>. It’s all about finding whatever glimpse of greatness, of muchness, we have within us <and most everyone has at least a glimpse>. And why wouldn’t we seek to find ‘oneself’ the right way?

Fear.

The opening quote suggested ‘a fear of Life.’ Well. I would suggest it would be more ‘a fear of Muchness’.

Regardless.

Suffice it to say that Self, or our’ muchness’, does not exist at the end of some tourist’s itinerary like a pot of gold. And that said … remember … if you truly desire to ‘find yourself’ don’t head out like a pilgrim in search of your mecca just think one word – emovere.

In other words … Disturb.

Disturb your world and your universe and watch for the opportunities and don’t fear your muchness and, mos importantly, don’t let the outside world’s fear of your muchmness make you make your much a lesser version of what it can be.

Embrace your muchness and disturb the universe. I could think of worse advice.

======

“Any story worth telling has been embellished a little bit, Skyco, but the best stories are born from an honest seed that simply grows a little in the retelling of it.”
―

Jennifer Frick-Ruppert

=============

Embellishment. Uhm. Lies.

It seems in today’s world of “results driven” we are actually encouraged to embellish (in business and in Life). Now. No one will say that, in fact, most people say “be truthful, say you were part of a team & bla bla bla …”. But in today’s soundbite non-nuanced world where we espouse “1^st impression is all that matters”, well, you embellish. Okay. You lie.

Let’s be clear. Embellishment = lie. Period. In fact it may be worse than an outright lie because it is a gradation of a truth wherein instead of standing upon the size of the truth one elects to increase the size in order to make it, and self, look bigger. It’s a double lie. It’s a result/impact lie & it is a self lie.

Now.

While there is a lot of career survivalism found in embellishment I would argue much of our embellishment is founded upon ‘seeking status.’

Oddly, & uncomfortably, this is most often pointed out by looking at fathers (not mothers). Oddly, & most uncomfortably, this may also be one of our greatest lessons in trust, truth and forgiveness.

Viewed from the proper, reflective, perspective a father’s ‘embellishments’ can be viewed as the inspiration for truth.

Viewed from the proper, reflective, perspective a father’s ‘embellishments’ can make one realize you can still be friends with a liar.

Why lie?

• trying to make himself better than who he was?
• because the one force more powerful than a child wanting the admiration of a father is the father wanting the admiration of his child?

Wow.

Insert yourself in a business environment and, well, it’s not that difficult to get there.

Sometimes we feel the need of the help of our imagination to achieve that status and then let the listener imagine how powerful, impactful & wise we are. It’s a game we play but it is a liar’s game that no one really wins.

Because the liar devil always gets his due. There will always be the moment where, as Herman Melville once wrote, “men drained of valor.”

Well.

I have pointed out many times a lot of good people, with good hearts and good intentions get trapped on the slippery slope of embellishment. And I envision fathers, or parents in general, if they are not very very careful can step onto this slope early on in their children’s lives and if they are not careful to nip the embellishment in the bud at a key point that little nugget of ‘not exactly truth’ has become a seed that will grow in their child’s minds. And that seed gets nourished by the sheer desire to look up to their father as they grow up. That little embellishment takes on a life of its own in the child’s mind.

This is exactly the same in business & resumes & stories upon which we build our careers.

Its easy to step onto this slope. Far far too easy.

Lie? Embellishment? Life is tricky. It gives us the appearance of solid ground yet we are surrounded by a variety of slippery slopes. Embellishments are one such slippery slope. The first step one takes may have been a harmless embellished facet of a larger truth given in a harmless reactive response. Or it could have been a conscious small lie. Either way it placed a foot on the slippery slope. Depending on that first embellishment things could have gained some momentum or it became a little easier to offer another. Either way you slide further down the slippery slope. Suffice it to say a lot of very good people get stuck on the slippery slope and cannot get back up. They are not bad people just simply people who cannot figure out how to stop the slide (they can slow it) nor can they get back on solid ground.
All that said.

Forgiveness.

Let’s say this person is simply a good person who got stuck on the slippery slope and you reached down and pulled him back up to solid ground (albeit a painful act for you … and the person I may add). You have achieved two good things. You were good enough to save someone from the slippery slope. You allowed a good person a second chance on solid ground.
And, hopefully, you will have learned the dangers of the slippery slope and can avoid it in your own life.

Anyway. Listen. Regardless of whether you can look back and honestly say you didn’t embellish or lie at some point you need to prepare to become human in the eyes of someone who expected you to maybe more than human (at least on occasion). Because whether you like it or not that type of relationship (particularly a parent but also a leadership position) does take on some superhuman characteristics.

Oh.

Here is where embellishment gets its true footing.

People don’t realize that sometimes while they expect you to have all the answers you are making it up as you go. Sometimes that is what leadership is made up of. You know this but they don’t. So what you may be “winging” becomes stamped somewhere in their lives or memories as a ‘thoughtful action.’

Let’s face it. You are screwed if they have a great memory.

So. When you become a person facing your embellishments I would imagine while you are hoping for a variety of things a couple of ‘hopes’ stand out:

–              Strength of character.

You have embodied the character needed in them to see through your flaws and see you as a good person doing the best they could.

–              A recognition of perspective.

Being a grownup means choices. And recognizing choices. And not that someone didn’t make 100% good choices but that in the end they made enough good choices.

Here is what I do know:

Time + Silence = Miscellaneous Memories

—

“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”

Sir Winston Churchill

—-

Time is a tricky thing with memories. It is amazing the different memories we have. People who met you  dozen years ago and then went away only to come back will have memories imprinted from then, even if you are different now. the embellishment then is a truth now.

My point.

There are repercussions for our actions – whether they are conscious actions or not. This includes embellishments. Mostly because, while we would like to view them as embellishments, ultimately, they will be judged as lies.