Sonya Kitchell

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July 4^th.

I wasn’t sure what to write and then I remembered this fantastic song at the end of the series finale episode of The Unit (the episode was called “unknown soldier). The song is ‘soldier’s lament’ by Sonya Kitchell.

First (for the 4th). About Sonya. I am really pleased to share her talent with you if you have never heard of her. She was only 18 when she wrote this song and, yet, it has a sense of maturity beyond her years. Oh. And seems more listenable for the coffee-drinking adult crowd <hence her first song at 16 was on a Starbucks mix>. Regardless. Her voice reminds me a lot of Rachel Yamagata … husky soulful & languid.

Second (for the 4th). I am pleased to highlight the show The Unit if you have never seen it.  I know a Ranger, but I do not know any special forces members. What I do know is that they are all special … and frickin’ smart & tough. I would envision any country’s special forces are really special <smart & tough> and I also envision parts of The Unit reflect truth. It is a good show and reminds us of how special they are.

Third (on the 4th). July 4^th is a good reminder with regard to ‘freedom of,’ fighting and standing up for a cause and the people who actually do the kind of fighting that can cost them their lives <versus just a cost to ego>.

Look. I am neither a ‘hawk’ nor a ‘dove.’

And I do not believe there is such a thing as a good war, but I also believe that some wars are worth fighting.

And I do believe that America’s attitude toward war and risk aversion is looped. Successful military events with low casualties breed interest in further military adventures. Costly engagements breed caution. In general America will tolerate high casualties to ward off only what they see as direct threats, but tolerate almost none to police distant and seemingly unfixable troubled countries.

Is that the right attitude? Geez. It doesn’t exactly feel right, but it is what it is.

And I end up believing that what that means for the future is difficult to judge.

Regardless. People who join the military, special forces or not, are special.

I do believe the young people who sign up for the military, the significant majority, know exactly what they are possibly signing up for. And I also believe that regardless of the knowledge … a young person doesn’t know what they don’t know <thinking about having someone shoot at you is significantly different than knowing someone is shooting at you>. I say that so we do not confuse what issues are most important when we discuss military and discuss what is going on in their heads when they return.

That said. I do believe they should be treated with respect and not used as a political hot potato for causes. For example … using a number estimated by the Dept. of Veteran’s Affairs <because the actual numbers are really unknown> research shows that between 2002 and 2007 the rate of American military suicides was actually lower than the rate for civilians <yeah … that made me shake my head in surprise too>.

My readers know that I do not take suicide lightly, but my point here is that we often use the military to make points <the one here is that most media simply says something like “on average 18 american veteran service people commit suicide daily”>.

Is 18 too many? Shit. 1 is too many.

But the general population suicide number is higher.

Fourth (on the 4th). Soldiers. Treat them fairly. Treat them with respect. But don’t treat them as if they didn’t know what they were signing up for. That is disrespectful.

Anyway.

Given my respect for the military … and what their families also contribute I thought the song was perfect to share on the 4^th.

I wish I could have found the song and the actual closing scenes from The Unit.

It was an excellent show with one of the best managed endings ever done for a show.

Have a great 4^th of July.

With all the noise and headlines about “the new normal” or “there is no going back to the normal I would remind everyone that Normalcy is functional. That doesn’t sound flashy nor does it sound defendable or even worthy of defending. In fact. It almost sounds like we should be hungrily scanning about for some ‘new normal.’

That said. “Normal” may not be greatly functional nor does it means there isn’t any dysfunctionality but, in general, it is a mix of good and bad and average in which the majority of people accept it as just part of what Life is supposed to be like. In other words. Everything just seems like it is in its place. So. For the most part most people do not see any reason to raise their voices complaining nor do they sing out loud praises. It is what it is and, well, silence about it seems the order of the day.

That’s why when someone starts yelling about shit most of us just find it annoying, and ignore it. And that’s why when the everyday normal gets shaken like an etch-a-sketch we not only find it annoying but uncomfortable.

Note: To be clear. Normal can mask a shitload of issues – good & bad. Inequality, the net positives of globalization & the negatives. The net positives of regulations & the negative of overregulation. The maddening underbelly of individual responsibility (the narrative that if everyone works hard they will be successful).

Regardless. This is where normal enters into a danger zone and its good aspects get threatened. The shouting veers into the conspiracies, the fringe and the wacky almost suggesting the normal is the abnormal and the abnormal should be considered normal. All of a sudden, in its silence, normal becomes complicit to the abnormal and, worse, normal becomes the “them” in an us-versus-them narrative.

Look.

I know a shitload of people will suggest that ‘normal’ is defined by the individual and how they view life but, in general, at one end of the  ‘how to live your life’ spectrum is wacko eccentric person and the other end is bland milquetoast-boring-to-tears person.

Most of us reside somewhere in the middle of all that.

I tend to believe the problem is in how we most often have this discussion. When we talk about living a ‘normal’ life it almost seems destined for some boredom or stagnancy or even “rut-like features” and certainly when you decide to sit back with some self-reflection, uhm …, it will most likely be generously dipped in some disappointment. On the other hand, it seems like choosing to live an ‘anything but normal’ life it almost seems destined for some sanity challenges and certainly some self-reflection generously dipped in some discouragement.

Yikes. So your choice is either disappointment, or discouragement, all wrapped up in a feeling of some injustice occurring.

Yeah. All of a sudden normal is painted in a broad brush of injustice. And it is within that ‘injustice’ in which normal’s silence is damned because the angry, the ones who see conspiracies somewhere (in the cracks of normal) which create their sense of injustice – are loud. They shout. They can be rough around the edges supported by some slick few who egg them on. And they are not silent.

The unsilent slip into the cracks of good normal and pry open some of the bad normal and take advantage. They use slivers of truth (injustice), tack on a fact or two and all of a sudden they hold up a new new normal for people to consider. And, if you are not paying attention (or if normal remains silent), all of a sudden the lone loud voice is deemed worthy of consideration.

This is not only crazy, it dangerous.

Yeah. Sometimes the shit you do may be out of the mainstream, but 99% of the time it is not unacceptable to everyone. It is just is not the normal everyday 100% of the time shit people see or hear.

Whether you like it or not … suggesting ‘normal’ is completely self-defined is … well … stupid.

Yes. You should have your own way of seeing the world and the life you’re living.

Yes. You should feel it is normal <as long as it is not a ‘statement’ but rather a natural extension of your ‘self’>.

Yes. You should accept the idea that other people may feel differently about your version of normal.

All that said here is where I think normal and abnormal go into conflict.

Yes. You should understand that normal is actually defined by some standard operating procedures of the people, society & culture as a whole.

And, no, I am not suggesting some of the wacky crap society thrusts upon an individual <society tells me how I should be stuff>, but rather the fact cultures, civilizations in a broader perspective, define some accepted rules of behavior – some “what I should do” stuff.

Let’s call them ‘core life action basics.’ These are some normal principles which everyone should do and think in a normal day and a normal life.

Here is what I believe.

The good news for people who balk at ‘normal.’ The great thing about culture is it tends to give an individual a lot of room to expand upon these things. You can go about your life wearing whatever clothes you want and saying a bunch of different words as personal expression beyond the core. I call that ‘window dressing stuff.’ In other words, I can dress up my core ‘normality crap’ in pretty much anything I want and express it with almost any words I want.

The trouble occurs mostly around the fact that some individuals infringe upon the core, change the core and sometimes do things which do not meet what most people would accept as accepted normal behavior.

Here is not just a Life truth, but a civilization truth: a culture cannot permit that ‘abnormal normal’ to become normalized simply because they are shouting about some claimed injustice. While we often suggest it takes courage to express yourself in some ‘not-so-normal’ ways it actually takes even more courage to defend core normality. In other words. Sometimes normal demands NOT being silent.

When it comes to this topic the bravest people in the world are not the ones who stand out through self-expression of self-identity, even if that identity is ‘not the normal’, but rather the people who unflinchingly defend normal core beliefs, principles & behaviors and unflinchingly express these ‘normal’ ideas.

I imagine the problem is that those people are not interesting enough to make splashy headlines nor are they boring enough to be masticated for being milquetoast. And, yet, they were the bravest of us all. They chose to be normal & defend the good found within normal and fought relentlessly for both.

In the end.

Normalcy is silent at the moment. Why should it speak? It is what it is. Yet. In a world in which many of the advocates for abnormal, the fringe, the conspiracies, the “new normal”, are shouting at the top of their lungs, can normal remain silent? Can normal AFFORD to be silent? I do not believe it can.

Yes. Some things do need to be fixed. Yes. Some things need to be designed better (how we work, how society interacts, how globalization works, etc). But to suggest that ‘normal’ is bad in & of itself is wrong. Normal offers, well, sanity, some consistency, threads of functionality. Maybe we just need to be optimizing normal and not seeking some ‘new normal.’

Anyway.

We need not always shout, but, normal needs to defend itself. It is time for normal to start fighting back. It is time for normal to not be silent.

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Author’s note:

My pinned tweet, almost from day one I returned to twitter in 2016, is “In this time, at this place, I will be defined”.

At that moment I felt like we were at a ‘tide in the affairs of men’ and being silent was not an option. My view has not changed at all; however, my attention has been drawn toward, well, normalcy. While I believe Trump is malignant to democracy, freedom and being enlightened (he espouses ignorance) his greater malignancy is toward normal. He seems to thrive on suggesting normal, everything that exists within it presently, is bad and ‘normal’ should be defined through isolationism and a 1950’s lens. Tack on a pandemic in which “how one normally lives & works a normal day” has been unbundled and Normal’s narrative has been jumbled. I say all that because maybe “I will be defined” by how I best define what is a good normal and what we should be doing to fix the bad normal.

Ponder that.

“Circumstances do not determine your state of being.”

The observation: How often businesses get trapped in the “but how about?” type discussions. Note. “But how about this?” is just another version of “why shouldn’t we build/service/do this?”

The rant: It is amazing how often the question is generated by one of two things:

1. A new trend or fad or publicized widget need that someone in a flash of brilliance says “hey we can do that!”

… or

2. It is represented as an opportunity with the appearance of possible sales (possible profits but that is another discussion that still amazes me).

Well. Point 1 is particularly dangerous because chasing trends/fads is like chasing the Roadrunner <and you are Wile Coyote>. You won’t catch it. Oh. And if you do, your plan won’t most likely work anyway.

Point 2 is particularly complex because product extensions, innovations and a whole mess of internal twister-like maneuvers shouldn’t <in general> be dictated by external stimulus.

Regardless. Constantly bringing up the question is wasted energy <the majority of the time>.

In my opinion, here is the core issue at hand.

Too often businesses struggle to find their sense of self. And it’s kind of nuts because, with regard to this discussion, business is actually pretty easy. Decide who you are and what you are good at. Oh. And that doesn’t mean saying “we are a nice company with values and we are good at everything.” My main issue with this topic is that if I can set up guardrails, or, at minimum, recognize that direction guardrails are important, why can’t businesses?  Its nuts.

Look. I am going to use myself as an example because, as noted above, I don’t easily deal with guardrails, in fact, I often find them constricting. Yet. I get paid more often than not for simply saying “no” to “how about?” Yeah. I get paid to stay within guardrails <go figure>. And I am not smarter than the average bear.

Look. I think my strength is identifying and creating creative solutions to challenges-problems. I can do it in my sleep. Any time. Any business. Any where. What that means is my weakness is staying the course – staying on mission-vision-whatever you want to call it.

(Note: No one is strong at everything. If you have a strength identify it and you can always identify the related weakness. Don’t worry. You can always compensate for it.)

I envision, using hindsight, that because that was my strength when I was younger I probably went out of my way to constantly seek challenges/problems to solve (which most likely drove some of my groups nuts). This didn’t mean I created work, but rather sifted through a lot to uncover a ‘situation/problem’ to solve. Probably out of dumb luck I discovered some viable issues to pursue and inevitably my groups were known for proactive innovative thinking.

Anyway.  In recognizing my weakness I compensate by having a strong process for identifying the core positioning-mission-core competency. By doing that I can leave my strength – solving this issue – unfettered. It revolves around the process, but the solution is not driven by the process. Now. My process may allow a little more latitude than some others (think of it as designing a five lane autobahn versus a one lane drag race track), but it sets up guardrails.

And that is what is frustrating.

Because, once again, I can set up guardrails, or, at minimum, recognize that direction guardrails are important, why can’t businesses?  <fill in your own answer here because I don’t have one>. And then because businesses cannot figure out this sense of self then some brand-voodoo-magicians <i.e., consultants or charlatans> come along and use sleight of hand bullshit that only confuses businesses.

Thought for everyone. Don’t be confused. It is relatively simple.

A company owns its character, core competency and crap they sell. Consumer owns the brand. Therefore, as a business you focus on what you can control. It’s the guardrail thing I mentioned. I promise companies if they stay within their guardrails that buyers will inevitably forge a brand that is within the guardrails. And dealing with “how abouts?” becomes incredibly easy because while some bonehead is presenting a whizbang prezi presentation (with augmented reality to really wow you) outlining all the sales reasons a company should do something it comes down to the guardrails. Because if the dollars and cents reside outside the guardrails, it becomes a gamble. It becomes the Kentucky derby of business decisions.  Which sucks because most companies don’t breed racing horses.

Anyway. Having been around the block a couple of times here is why I believe a sense of self keeps getting missed:

1. Lazy thinking. “We are good with retail business” is a prime example. Lazy, lazy, lazy thinking. Because not all retail is the same. A franchise retail is different than a corporate retail. A grocer retail is very different from a cellular retail. A one location retail is different from a 1500 location retail.  The list goes on. Anyone can select a big bucket to sit your ass in … and it is a waste of time in terms of actually being meaningful in terms of truly understanding your ‘self.’

2. Everything to everyone. Well. Ok. Not trying to be everything, but rather in self reflection believing you are capable of everything. This is the infamous “We can figure it out when it happens. We always have.” Yeah. Well. Maybe. But probably not. The truth is if you really really think about it the business is actually good at something. There is something within the shit you pulled off (sometimes by the hair on your chinny chin chin) that provides a commonality that you should invest the time in figuring out.

Yup. It will actually help you do better in the future. And will help you hire better people (ok … it just may make you better at hiring the right people).

3. “I am going to miss something” (or the “moving sense of self” syndrome). Uh oh. As soon as you put a stake in the ground … it means someone will not want to plant themselves next to you on that ground. Why? They may not realize it immediately, but the more they review the landscape they realize that they don’t want to plant their butts there. <Hint: that is okay.>

Next. A fact: it bugs the shit out of the ‘stake placer’ to be spurned (even if it is a bad match). As soon as spurning happens this company wants to pull up its stake and run around looking for a place to put the stake that would be appealing to the ‘spurner’ (i.e., for that one business opportunity).

The conclusion: Beyond some silly business misdirection I imagine it, at its worst, could come down to 2 things (primarily):

– not defining the guardrails in the first place

– not believing in the guardrails that were established.

Both are quite solvable, but that’s not what this post is about. It’s about the fact that the majority of businesses fall into 1 or 2 and invest a shitload of energy in “how about?”

So … how about this? That’s stupid.

In the end.

Beyond the stupidity comment I could start a ‘who’s who’ list of companies who seemingly get seduced into discussing dreams or ‘what ifs’ with regard to who they are <as a company> rather than insuring they know what they do and who they currently are. It is not only wasted energy but, even more importantly, potentially disastrous.

Oh. And please do not confuse this questioning with “whats next?’ because that question is usually a reflection of someone who is standing on some solid “this is who I am and what I do well” discussing what they want to do next.

I am amazed on how many of all businesses fall into this discussion category.

Oh. The profit thing. I usually cut to the chase pretty fast on this one. Yes. Someone certainly knows how to make money on ‘x’ because they are doing it (and it appears they are making money). No. That does not mean we know how to do it and make money. There are a lot of business people who just say “we will figure it out if we actually get the opportunity.”. Well it doesn’t work that way. Or. Maybe better said it is more difficult than that simplistic point of view. Some things can be figured out (some not). Some things can be figured out but take time to do so (and what do you do in the interim?).  But. A company needs to figure it out. A wise man once said this:

“Most agencies are in the same boat — from big ones to two man shops. They’re in it for the money and they’re scared. Scared the client’s going to walk. And because they are afraid they compromise their principles. They are so scared of losing the business they give the customer what they think they want rather than what they know he needs. And sometimes it works — for a while. But in the end it always backfires. You lose the business anyway and you wake up one day to find you’re a prostitute. So, in the end, stick to your principles. ‘to thine ownself be true.’ 0ver 200 years old but still good advice.”

Stephen Hawley Martin (founder of The Martin Agency)

Ok. Just to be sure my rant wasn’t too far off base I did find a study from Prophet <who I sometimes respect>.

New Prophet Study: Execs Understand That Customer Engagement Is Pressuring Brands To Perform Better — But Many Don’t Think Their Marketers Can Handle the Challenge

“The majority (55 percent) of participating senior executives in general management and marketing said that supporting business growth through a well-differentiated and relevant brand positioning was their most pressing concern.” Mike Leiser, Prophet senior partner.

• Targeting customers in this environment is problematic; three-fourths of respondents said they’re not doing it effectively. Over 90 percent are targeting more than one segment, and over half of these do so with multiple positionings of a single brand. Importantly, however, those multiple positionings are similar – what’s different among most in this group are the tactics used in bring them to life.

“Adjusting to this changing landscape will be a process,” Leiser said. “Our findings show that marketers must adapt a more visionary orientation to more effectively guide their organizations through it.”

So. Gosh. Maybe I am not as dumb as I look.

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“What people don’t understand doesn’t exist.”

Jan Carlzon

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“Chance favors the connected mind.”

Steven Johnson

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Ok. We chase a lot of things in business in search of ‘advantage’. We sometimes chase them so blindly and relentlessly we don’t even recognize the rabbit hole we have started running down. Differentiation is one of those rabbit holes.

Now. I have a warped perspective <it includes rabbit holes> with regard to differentiation and differentiating in the business world. I think it’s a shit objective. Ok. It CAN be a shithole objective. But suffice it to say I believe chasing differentiation is … well … yes … often a rabbit hole.

To be clear. I don’t dislike differentiation and I believe a well differentiated sustainable idea can dominate a market. But. Chasing differentiation seems to take on some fairly absurd efforts to attain the objective. In addition. I worry about differentiation as an objective because it points people in the wrong direction. If I were to kill this whole differentiation thing, I would begin by saying “define, define, define.” Define yourself with such a clear distinctive thought that permits you stand up and say ‘here is who I am.’

Here is the deal. Sometimes you may look similar to someone else. But more often you will look like ,well, you. And in a sometimes complex fragmented world where everyone is shouting how different they are <and people are becoming more & more cynical> distinctness can win. And more often than not you will also be, well, different. In addition. In today’s world about the only sustainable differentiation isn’t a thing, it is knowledge, thinking & what you have done with what you learn.

Regardless. The meaningless rabbit hole. In our blind pursuit of differentiation we can make some fairly absurd decisions with regard to thoughtless specialization, nuanced differentiation and niche definition. In our blind pursuit of differentiation we can gleefully land on some ‘spot’ and declare differentiation victory only to have it all negated because of lack of alignment throughout all aspects of operations. Attempted, or false/meaningless, differentiation is useless and distracting and a rabbit hole.

Bottom line on differentiation is the reckless pursuit of it encourages us to lie to ourselves, i.e., convince ourselves of ‘true difference’ when it is simply meaningless differentiation. And therein lies the worst of the rabbit hole. Pretending to not see the truth, or maybe <to be kinder>, to pretend it is what it isn’t.

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“… the person who pretends to not see the truth is committing something much worse than a mortal sin, which can only ruin one’s soul – but instead committing us all to lifetimes of pain.

The truth is not just something we bring to light to amuse ourselves; the truth is the axis munid, the dead center of the earth. When it’s out of place nothing is right; everyone is in the wrong place; no light can penetrate. Happiness evades us and we spread pain and misery wherever we go. Each person, above all others, has an obligation to recognize the truth and stand by it.”

Jacque Silette

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That last point is semi-important because many business people simply ignore truth as they pursue this elusive <and debatably poor objective> thing called differentiation. Far <far> too many business people embrace acceptable doubt and the possibility that a stupid belief might have something going for it in the pursuit of ‘differentiation’ all the while completely ignoring something that makes you distinct <but possibly not different>, or, let’s call it ‘an obvious and rational truth.’ People ignore it because they believe it will get you nowhere.

Trust me. These are the meetings and discussions in which I often sit dumbfounded and silent and thinking ‘wow … the rabbit hole just gained a whole new crowd of loons.’

—-

“…I was calm on the outside but thinking all the time.”

A Clockwork Orange

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Our relentless pursuit of differentiating most often than not leads to an unimportant product feature <not what customers consider valuable>

–——-

“Differentiation is a unique quality, perceived or real, of a good or service that distinguish it from a competing good or service…”

Your Dictionary.com

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Look. I fully realize that the need to be distinctive and competitive are the reasons why the company needs to think about differentiation.  However, differentiation can take on so many faces there is no reason you should end up chasing down some rabbit hole for some elusive ‘this is what you MUST seek’ objective as defined by one expert <only to have another expert state unequivocally you need to chase another completely different shiny object>.

Suffice it to say, I can almost guarantee whenever someone brings up differentiation it is more often than not simply code for “please enter this rabbit hole.”

Next. The perfection rabbit hole. On a parallel course is a similar group chasing perfection often ending up in the same rabbit hole as the differentiators <can get awful crowded in that business rabbit hole>. The pursuit of perfection is an insidious rabbit hole. Its stench seeps into the darkest corners of an organization. And while the stench is enough to make anyone’s stomach heave most organizations have people with no real ability and yet strive to maintain an aura of ability under the guise of ‘seeking perfection for the good of the organization.’

More good employees are actually LED into the perfection rabbit hole than employees who actually CHOOSE to dive into the perfection rabbit hole. That said. Organizations are built over this particular rabbit hole. Every organization. It is the unfortunate burden of every organization to deal with the pursuit of perfection.

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“Just because you took longer than others doesn’t mean you failed.”

Hassann

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Maybe that is my biggest point about rabbit holes and business. Some of the things we seek most in business, whether it be differentiation or perfection or whatever silly thing you have decided will better your business, always seem to take longer than what you want. We get impatient. And if we get really thoughtful about this whole impatience we would realize that our aggravation is with Life and not any inability within ourselves <or even in assessment the foolish pursuit of this un-real reality objective>.

Note:

we SHOULD be more thoughtful about this more often … mostly because if we do not far too many of the wrong people get fired <the right ones> and too many of the wrong people <the wrong ones> get praised and encouraged to maintain the ‘pursuit’ for the good f the organization.

Regardless. Life does not suffer fools lightly. Life is oblivious to your impatience <and relatively indifferent to you in general>. And Life bleeds into any and every organization.

How does Life deal with the fools and silly impatient people? Rabbit holes. It gives us rabbit holes to chase after silly things and dive into in our relentless pursuit of attaining “it” and waste our lives wandering aimlessly within.

But here is where Business and personal Life diverge.

In personal Life you are responsible for the stupid choices you make. Choose to enter a rabbit hole and the issue is all yours to own. In business you can actually get shoved into a rabbit hole whether you want to or not.

All I can tell you is that when I hear someone leading a discussion about ‘how are we different’ and ‘what’s our differentiation?” I start swiveling my head around scanning for rabbit holes.

All I can tell you is that when I hear someone in the hallway espousing the need to pursue perfection I start swiveling my head around scanning for rabbit holes.

 All I can tell you is that when I am in a meeting and someone is discussing both differentiation and perfection I don’t swivel my head, I just sigh, because I know I am already in a rabbit hole.

That is business … and rabbit holes. Ponder.

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“Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it.”

via creatingaquietmind

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“Well I guess it’s only life,

It’s only natural we all spend a little while going down the rabbit hole. “

The Shins

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“We don’t create a fantasy world to escape reality, we create it to be able to stay.”

Lynda Barry

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Ok. We chase a lot of things in Life. We sometimes chase them so blindly and relentlessly we don’t even recognize the rabbit hole we have started running down. Happiness is one of those rabbit holes.

Whoa !

WTF.

Happiness is a rabbit hole?

Well. Suffice it to say happiness is a tricky thing.

Having it is awesome.

Seeking it is … well … a rabbit hole.

The search injects us with most of our everyday stress which means most of our stress has nothing to do with what we have, but rather what we don’t have <seeking what we want in other words>.

And while wanting a new car or some shirt or the cool new phone is a tangible ‘want’ <and not even close to sending you down a rabbit hole>; happiness is much more elusive. In fact. Much more elusive than you would imagine <or want>.

First. Our brains struggle to remember happiness in a realistic way. Semi-happy moments in the past take on a Life of their own and become exponentially happier in the memory. Yeah. Happiness has a wary relationship with reality.

Second. Our brains relentlessly tug at and tease out the minutiae found in unhappy moments. This, ultimately, translates into the fact we cannot seem to forget unhappiness and inevitably, because of that, do anything – include some absolutely absurd things – we can to avoid it.

Therein lies the rabbit hole. Life is not meant to be avoided.

Shit.

Life cannot be avoided <whether you try to or not>.

What do I mean? While we seek to control our own destiny and write our own fates … others grab our Life while we aren’t looking and write whole chapters for us that we can only look at and say “WTF” just before the inevitable ‘not written by us’ happens.

———

“Life is like a library owned by the author.  In it are a few books which he wrote himself, but most of them were written for him.”

Harry Emerson Fosdick

————

And all that ‘not written by us’ stuff keeps on getting in the way of what we want to write about happiness for our Life as well as it gets in the way of erasing the unhappy shit. This particular rabbit hole, this relentless pursuit of happiness, makes Life particularly difficult.

———-

“It hasn’t been easy, and it never will be. After all, every day is also a chance to slide back into the darkness. To live in ourselves and our regrets, instead of this moment. To run away from those that would help us and let self-hatred drive us back into isolation, despair, and destruction.

Nick Spencer

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Every day is not easy and actively pursuing happiness shoves our happy ass in a slippery sloped rabbit hole faster than you can blink an eye.

Ok. As a corollary to chasing happiness, lets maybe call this the other rail on the tracks down into the frickin’ rabbit hole, is chasing simplicity <often believing this ‘elusive simplicity’ will lead to happiness>.

Is this a paradox in Life? Shit. I don’t know, but I do know the more we seek simplicity the more complex things tend to get and … uhm … the less happy we become.

Whew. Boy oh boy, talk about the slippery slope leading down to the rabbit hole of self-hell. Seeking simplicity is it.

Simplicity entices you day by day and even hour by hour. And each day you do not attain simplicity the more and more you look at it as some type of failure and you try harder and harder for something I am fairly sure you just cannot attain. Or if you can attain it … well … it doesn’t come from a book or some formula or even some sage advice from a friend, it is something more earned by living and attempting and finding.

Simplicity seems so simple and yet it inevitably takes much much longer to master than you feel it is supposed to.

Simplicity seems so damn easy that we, well, get impatient when it doesn’t happen.

Let me state that differently. We get impatient with Life. Uh oh. It’s not like we can dictate the pace & flow of Life <I will come back to this>.

The next problem?

Even if you actually DO attain some simplicity you are aggravated it took so frickin’ long. This is compounded by the fact that simplicity is one of those weird things that as soon as you attain it you start hearing other people say “geez … why did it take you so long to figure THAT out?”

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“Just because you took longer than others doesn’t mean you failed.”

Hassann

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<I use this quote to close the rabbit holes business post too>

And maybe that is my biggest point about rabbit holes and Life and reality.

Some of the things we seek most in Life, whether it be happiness or simplicity or whatever silly thing you have decided will better your Life, always seem to take longer than what you want. And we get impatient.

And if we get really thoughtful about this whole impatience … we would realize that our aggravation is with Life and not any inability within ourselves <or even in assessment the foolish pursuit of this non-real reality objective>.

Life does not suffer fools lightly. Life is oblivious to your impatience <and relatively indifferent to you in general>.

How does Life deal with the fools and silly impatient people?

Rabbit holes.

Life gives us rabbit holes to chase after silly things and dive into in our relentless pursuit of attaining “it” and waste our lives wandering aimlessly within this hole with slippery walls and minimal handholds to help us climb out of it.

Well. That summarizes reality … and rabbit holes. Ponder.

===

“And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.”

<Beyond Good and Evil> Friedrich Nietzsche

===

Well. This is mostly about being different.

Well. Actually. Maybe this is just about being yourself.

I say this because everyone is different. Sometimes discernible to the naked eye and sometimes not, but different nonetheless.

Now, unfortunately, discernible or not, sometimes being different seems to put you in some hole where you appear to live where no one else lives.

Oddly enough if you can actually get out of the hole you would simply see that almost everyone has their own hole that Life makes you climb in and out of on occasion.

But inevitably, at some point, Life puts you in your hole and leaves you there … alone … with your thoughts, These are thoughts of how different you are or how different you think or simply how different your life is from every one else … and Life doesn’t help you get out of the hole. Because it is yours. And it is yours to figure out how to get out of.

Stay in the hole long enough and, yes, it begins to look like an abyss. A never ending abyss leading to some sort of personal hell.

Which leads me to being yourself is extremely different in your tween & teen years than in your adult years.

In other words, not all holes and abysses are created equal.

We may like to think so but they aren’t.

An adult abyss is significantly different than a teen abyss.

I am certainly not suggesting that at any age you can find your way into a variety of different holes just that the experience of being in a hole is different.

In fact this hole thing, or the abyss if you get stuck in the hole, or when this abyss looks back at you it means that when you begin to know something that is fundamentally different from yourself and you take a piece of it with you and it changes you and vice versa well, all that I just said ? Yeah. That much is pretty much the same at any age.

But that assumes you get out of the frickin’ abyss.

And the truth is that ability can only come from Life experience.

Young people just don’t know how to get out of the hole. They just don’t have the experience.

And even as we know some adults need help getting out of the hole, young people DEFINITELY need help getting out of the hole.

The adult example?

I will use a wonderful West Wing tv show episode, Noël, scene where Leo tells Josh the following story:

“This guy’s walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can’t get out.

“A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, ‘Hey you. Can you help me out?’ The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on.

    “Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, ‘Father, I’m down in this hole can you help me out?’ The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on

“Then a friend walks by, ‘Hey, Joe, it’s me can you help me out?’ And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, ‘Are you stupid? Now we’re both down here.’ The friend says, ‘Yeah, but I’ve been down here before and I know the way out.'”

<West Wing Hole scene>

These are smart adults.

Well.

Kids need the same help.

And I say this unequivocally just in case you look around and see they are shrugging off the help or adamantly opposing the help or any other type of typical tween/teen independent ‘fuck you I don’t need your help’ attitude you will get.

Kids need help getting out of holes.

That’s it. No ifs, ands or buts.

They may not like asking for help … but they need it.

Look.

We encourage young people to embrace their individuality.

And we should.

But with that encouragement also comes a responsibility. For if they do embrace their individuality they will also be embracing the fact that they are in some form or fashion … different.

We don’t want our kids to be alike.

“The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.”

The Dawn

Self esteem really isn’t about ‘being alike’ or similarities or being part of the crowd. Sure. It can play a role. But real self esteem comes from embracing the individuality, the ‘true to thineself’ aspect, that lies within everyone if they seek it.

And in that path to a strong self esteem there are potholes and sometimes some really big deep frickin’ holes.

I can almost guarantee every kid will either slip into a hole or go crashing into a hole at some point in their young Life. I can guarantee that because there are so many holes, real ones and created ones <the worries that inevitably follow a young person through their teen years>, that it is simply not possible to miss them all.

I will share a teen truth just to remind all of us adults:

Teen life and high school is not really a melting pot but more a jungle, run along crude and arbitrary lines of popularity. The kids <today as was yesterday> face the onslaught full spectrum of adolescent anxiety … worrying what your peers will think … secret crushes <and finding the courage to tell the object of what is sometimes simply a fantasy> … worrying you’re too poor <or too rich>, worrying about your parents … worrying if you are good enough … even worrying if haven’t rolled the cuff of your jeans  up just high enough to be right.

Some of that sound silly? You bet.

But we should take it all seriously.

Teen life is the worst and the best of Life.

It has dark, brutal undercurrents and the glittery sparkles of Hollywood all tempered by the disturbing ongoing clash of the dream and the reality.

Which leads me to say that they will need help getting out of whatever hole they fall in. And I am talking about active help, not simply insuring they now they have some intangible support system to lean on or reach out to. I say that because we are often quite flippant with regard to the belief that we are ‘there for them’ and the reality is that sometimes when they fall in one of their holes … they not only lose sight of you <and everything else> but the abyss steals their voice.

For any number of reasons <fear, insecurity, embarrassment, esteem, misplaced courage, independence, rebellion> they will not speak up … or out from the hole.

You have to be active. You cannot simply say ‘here is a rope and I can pull you up if you need help and take it.’ More often we have to jump in the hole yourself and join them.

Why? Because if you permit them to linger too long in the hole … well … the abyss will gaze into them. And inevitably that abyss will find some dark corner in the mind and will find a place to live, eat and breathe for years and years to come.

Look.

Holes are fine in Life.

They are part of Life.

You just have to make sure you know how to get out of them.

Just make sure you teach kids around you to get out of them.

Make sure you do not simply offer a lifeline out of a hole, but jump in with them and show them the way out.

It will be a Life lesson they will never forget.

Ponder.

============

“Success is a lousy teacher.  It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.”

Bill Gates

=====

“We’re all working together; that’s the secret.”

Sam Walton

=====

Original commenter:

It isn’t scientists’ role to package facts and theory for the general public, let alone the most willfully ignorant.

Response commenter:

Surely scientists have some responsibility to make their findings understandable to the public?

Otherwise how do their findings get incorporated into policy?

====================

With so much discussion going on about “the working class” it may become easy to ignore the implicit backlash against ‘intellectualism’ or ‘the out-of-touch elite.’

I do not believe there is an anti-intellectualism crisis.

I do not believe we have reached an era where any influencers who are smart, or intellectual, are dismissed as the reigning voices of truth & expertise.

But.

I do know that elites, or so-called elites, are despised and the opinions of experts are disregarded in favor of emotions or gut feelings, i.e., feelings are as important, if not more important, than facts.

And I do know that Michael Gove once said “people have had enough of experts.”

Whew.

Not only is that a bullshit quote; it is a scary thought.

Look. I could walk into a crowded blue collar bar and after some discussion I could be construed as ‘thinker not doer’, uhm, despite the fact I have over 30 years of doing practical experience.

And therein lies the issue.

Depending on how you articulate your experience you can sound intellectually elitist <too smart for your own good> or you can sound pragmatically hard working. And within those two bookends is a fairly wide spectrum.

In fact. It is within that wide spectrum where there has become a blurring of … well … everything actually, but, in this case, true experience & expertise and ‘elitism.’

This is creating a horrible thing in society and our culture.

If you have gobs of experience, you are labeled as out of touch with the everyday schmuck.

If you are an everyday schmuck you are immediately labeled as anti-intellectual and, far too often, less educated.

This is a horrible situation for everyone <because no one wins>.

Simplistically education and experience are two different things. We should certainly value education wisdom, but it shouldn’t diminish experience wisdom <and vice versa>.

And that is where the whole communication and communicating aspect comes into play.

For if neither side can clearly communicate their value then, unfortunately, everyone assumes the worst.

It would be far too easy for me to suggest that if someone has the experience, and the wisdom that comes with it, they should be able to articulate it and communicate it in a way that anyone would not feel condescended to or diminished or simply out-of-touch with either hard working or ‘thinker’.

But experience doesn’t necessarily translate into effective communication. Effective communication is a skill, and an art, in and of itself.

But this gets even more challenging when both sides have a pair of perception filtered glasses on as they view the opposite they are seeking to communicate with.

My prime example is easy – climate change.

The simple fact is that climate activists cannot sell their story effectively. Typically they fall back on … well … facts and numbers. This is deemed as ‘arrogance’ especially because they get frustrated you don’t see the truth in the numbers <which seems obvious to them> and you are deemed ‘ignorant’ as you get frustrated because you aren’t a scientist and don’t want to extrapolate numbers — you just want a simple truthful story.

Even non-science people  recognize that cherry-picked statistics and trends & projections are not the same as long-term accurate predictions and effects. But if the case is so strong it must be possible to bring it forth in a compelling way combined with compelling measures to address it.

That said.

The most egregious act with regard to elitism versus experience actually takes place when people smart enough to know undermine other people smart enough to know within the leadership we seek to take our cues from <or let’s label them what the everyday schmuck would call ‘the ruling intellectual elite’>. This ‘people smart enough to know better’ battle is a devil’s bargain with desire to being valued. The problem is by diminishing the value of their ‘competitor’ they actually undermining all value and, well, everyone’s value. Some would suggest this is ‘not seeing the forest for the trees.’

I would suggest this is actually a doom loop. If every day people have no one to trust with regard to their experience, they become anxious. And, then, in this state of anxiety, many of those same people no longer trust the experts <let alone anyone attempting to lead by thought leadership>. If you cannot trust experience it all falls apart because then gaining experience just doesn’t matter <or specific experience doesn’t matter>.

In addition it seems to foster an environment in which individual thinking is discouraged, the value of scientific/researched fact is diminished and, contrary to belief, the power shifts to some authority figure who leads through opinion rather than fact <and people follow off of ‘feelings’ rather than truth because feelings have become equal to facts>.

That said, all things being equal, it means this issue comes down to its most basic level <a real divide of ‘us versus them’>.

Here is where the biggest gap in skills & experience exists.

Survival skills.

Survival in corporate America is significantly different than survival in … well … let’s call it basic survival.

If all of urban/suburban America lost their microwaves and fast food restaurants … well … they would be screwed.

Sure.

Most people know how to light a fire <with a match>, wash underwear and make soup, but that basic skill set is not even close to the survival skills of the majority of the world let alone rural America.

Therefore, experience is measured in two different ways: basic survival versus ‘elitist’ survival. And neither side values the other’s skills equally, or maybe worse, they devalue the other’s skill set.

It’s a dangerous state of affairs.

We are shortchanging our ability to shape events by having each side believe they are the only ones capable of shaping the events.

We are shortchanging the people who are much more confident in the assessments of what to do and when to do it.

We are shortchanging the people who understand that in any situation and in any choice there are winners and losers and just because you may have lost doesn’t make you a loser.

And, of course, we shortchange the people who don’t have the experience to lead by undervaluing the experience that they do have and what they have to offer in terms of thinking & ideas.

We don’t know what we don’t know.

And in those words of wisdom resides our biggest challenge with regard to this crisis of elitism versus experience. We need to figure out how to better articulate expertism and experience because if we do not the inexperienced will seek to take on the responsibilities of the experienced … and we will be doomed to fail.

Ponder.

=============

“The pen may indeed be mightier than the sword, but the wordsmith would do well to welcome the blacksmith back into the fold, so that artisan craftsmanship the world over may fend off the ravages of industrialised homogeneity and bland monoculture.”

Alex Morritt

============

Capitalism is a ruthless psychological motherfucker.

What I mean by that is almost any sane, quasi-reflective , person will sit back at some point and ask the question ‘when I got duped into becoming an accumulator of things?”

Try this on for size:

“… we, and by that I mean most of humanity since the Neolithic, have been duped into believing that life must be lived by accumulating. This is simply an ideological lie. Is it impossible to imagine a world lived by the economics of the gift? Even the most cursory look at various enduring cultures around the world shows us that people (who are left alone to do so) living lives according to deeper principles are more content, more spiritually rounded, less troubled by existential angst, than by westerners tricked into believing in the ideologies of power and wealth.” 

comment in The Guardian about Materialism

Well. I will begin with acknowledging there is a shitload of psychological research that seems to support the fact that materialism <accumulating shit> doesn’t make us happier <psychologically>. The gobs of research suggests that materialism, a characteristic that reaches both rich and poor and researchers define as “a value system that is preoccupied with possessions and the social image they project”, is both socially destructive and self-destructive.

It’s associated with stress, anxiety, depression and even how personal relationships can be affected.

In fact there has long been a correlation observed between materialism, a lack of empathy and engagement with others, and unhappiness and research is reinforcing this by showing causation.

For example, a series of studies published in the journal Motivation and Emotion showed that as people become more materialistic, their wellbeing <good relationships, autonomy, sense of purpose and the rest> diminishes.

As they become less materialistic, unhappiness rises.

I say all of this to say … well … Nuts.

Nuts to the comment I began with.

Nuts that maybe I should be smarter.

Nuts that maybe I have been duped.

Its all a bunch of crap.

I haven’t been duped.

I have a mind of my own.

And do I really not know when I am unhappy? <and why I may be unhappy>

Yup.

Ok.

For the most part … yup.

I believe most of us understand that it is a dreadful mistake allowing ourselves to believe that having just having more money and more stuff enhances our wellbeing.

Oddly, despite the fact we poor everyday schmucks know this, this ‘have more’ belief appears to not only be embraced by those poor deluded people in movies, but by almost every member of almost every government <and civilization>.

How can this be?

Worldly ambition, material aspiration, perpetual growth … taken in and of itself … is a formula for mass unhappiness and, yet, it seems to be the main plot for almost every narrative out there.

That said. I have not been duped.

If I enter the rat race then I have chosen to be a rat.

If I choose to compete with the Joneses than I have chosen to be one of the Joneses.

Society hasn’t duped me into doing so.

Business hasn’t duped me into doing so.

Social media hasn’t duped me into doing so.

I am certainly not suggesting that all of the above aren’t relentlessly attempting to dupe me into believing all their bullshit, but, if I decide to follow an ‘ideology of wealth and power’ than that is my choice.

And you know what?

For the most part I don’t have to choose that game if I don’t want and I can still be successful.

Do I believe the game is rigged in some form or fashion?

Yes.

Do I believe that the game is easier won if you decide to play the wealth & power game?

You bet.

Not choosing to do so is like swimming against the tide in some form or fashion. It’s not easier, but it can still be done.

But the bottom line.

Do I feel like I have been duped into becoming an accumulator? Shit no.

If I truly believed that then I disregard free will, free choice and self-interest <balancing moral and material>.

Do I believe there should be a balance of moralism and materialism?

Absolutely.

But.

Here’s the deal.

Having a thread of materialism tends to make a better society through creating better and smarter stuff <innovation> and businesses attempting to address real human needs..

That last sentence will not go down well with some people but, yes, i am suggesting consumption can drive some innovation.

But being duped? C’mon. I am not buying it.

I think I am smart enough <and most people> not to accumulate stupid thinking.

=====

Everyone was born with a limited amount of fucks to give.

During your teenage years you give a ton and slowly give less and less from there.

just shower thoughts

=====

When I saw this quote had to sit back and think.

Why?

Because I could read it two ways.

First.

As you get older you just get worn down and just stop giving a fuck about a lot of things.

Second.

As you get older you learn that not everything deserves ‘giving a fuck’ and you give less, but, you should give more of a fuck when you do.

I pondered this a little.

And then I got curious and found that if you type “give a fuck” in google search you will get about 4,610,000 results (0.38 seconds), but … here is the interesting thing  … you get page after page on ‘philosophy <or ‘the art’> of not giving a fuck.’

Basically the internet is strewn with articles and advice on how to not give a fuck. How crazy is that? It is almost like the google world is attempting to offer some extraordinary justification for being indifferent, to actually practice being indifferent, which, in my mind, is maybe a different slant on how to be a complete moron.

I mean, c’mon, if we really only have a limited amount of fucks to give, well, wouldn’t you expect some really good advice on how to prioritize and parse them out? I say that because it seems like we could all use some good advice with regard to knowing when to give a fuck and when not to give a fuck.

I will say one thing about giving a fuck. Caring about shit is the essence of Life.

Ok. Maybe two things.

Caring and actively engaging in shit is the essence of Life <I actually called it RSVP and Life once>.

But. The moment you become indifferent, the moment you just don’t give a fuck, well, there is no Life. There is no heartbeat. Life is dead.

I am certainly not going to suggest you care about everything. I will not because I agree that we do not have an unlimited amount of fucks to give. But it just doesn’t make sense to not care.

Now. Life does a fairly good job of suggesting not giving a fuck is a much easier way of living Life.

Life is full of a lot of shit we don’t understand.

Life is full of a lot of things that just do not seem to make sense.

Life is full of a lot of things that just doesn’t seem logical.

Life is full of a lot of things that seem different than what you want or think about.

Life is full of a lot of questions and a lot fewer answers than we want.

Life is full of a lot of answers that don’t really solve anything.

Life is full of a lot of things that make you scratch your head and say “I never understood why.”

All of those things seem like “slow” as in “a lot of shit that will slow me down from getting to where I want to go and getting what I want to get.”

I imagine after reading that list and my last sentence many people may think “then why give a fuck.”

Well. Because none of those things make Life any ‘less’ or any less meaningful. They just make it a little less certain. They just make things a little more risky. They just make it all a little less straightforward.

In fact I could suggest that almost all Life throws at you could fall into the “WTF category”. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give a fuck.

Anyway. I agree with the opening quote. I don’t believe we have an unlimited amount of fucks to give. That doesn’t mean we only have one or two just that they are not unlimited.

But that doesn’t mean you should embrace the thought “well, I have no more fucks to give … so … I just don’t give a fuck about anything anymore.” Nor should it mean you should start seeking opportunities to not give a fuck under the belief it will help you get what you want and where you want to be faster.

Look. Here is what I know about giving a fuck.

If you give enough of a fuck about your life, and trust it to give a fuck about you on occasion, well, a fuck of a lot of good things can happen if you just fucking go out and work hard. Ponder.

====

“The detective thinks he is investigating a murder or a missing girl. But truly he is investigating something else altogether, something he cannot grasp hold of directly.

Satisfaction will be rare. Uncertainty will be your natural state.  Much of your life will be spent in the dark woods, no path visible, with fear and loneliness your only companions.

But answers exist.

Solutions wait for you, trembling, pulling you to them, calling your name, even if you cannot hear.

I believe that someday, perhaps many lifetimes from now, all will be explained, and all mysteries will be solved. All knowledge will be free for the taking, including the biggest mystery of all – who we really are. But for now, each detective, alone in the woods, must take the clues and solve mysteries alone.”

Jacque Silette

====

We are all detectives investigating Life and our Life within it.

That said. We all think we are investigating purpose or career happiness or happiness in general.

But despite doing all that investigating most of us eventually realize that grasping the things we seek is fleeting and more often our grasp is tentative and indirect.

Sure. We all find some satisfaction, but they tend to reside in glimpses, not in endless continuity, and certainly not in perpetuity.

Suffice it to say we tend to find this inconstancy & uncertainty far too common … and uncomfortable.

The truth is we are most often in the dark with regard to overall personal purpose with no clear path visible and even when on a clear path it is often paved with doubt & uncertainty. That means the physical companions which stand alongside are the companions of fear, doubt and loneliness.

Despite all of that I tend to believe we all know answers exist, and we all know they await us somewhere, even if we cannot hear them.

Because of that belief we are constantly investigating who we really are often desperately grabbing at clues or proof to provide some comfort that we have either solved the mystery or at least are on the path to solving it.

That said.

I find “who you really are/who am I?” as a silly, if not stupid, self question.

Why?

Who I am today is not who I will necessarily be tomorrow.

Which leads me to an uncomfortable thought.

If you take the time to really think about this topic, I believe we all kind of know, in an uncomfortable sense, that the mystery of who we are will only be explained … well … maybe lifetimes from now, but suffice it to say most likely not in our own lifetime.

How frustrating that sounds as I type it. Think about it.

The only people who will know who we truly are today are not us, but someone somewhere in a future yet to be defined.

What a frustrating thought <at least to me>.

And yet.

I have no doubt most of us, each of us a detective, will continuously search for clues and solve what mysteries we can today.

That’s what we do.

We scan about for clues to be better, think better and understand better. Why? Because we are all detectives, whether we want to be one or not, all attempting to solve the mystery that is us & Life around us.

Ponder.