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“I’m a firm believer in the power of change. 

But there is one thing I’ve learned, and that’s the hardest part of moving forward is not looking back.”

Felicity

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Progress is difficult <and easy>. Changing is even more difficult <and easy>. Now. I am not sure if it is more difficult if you discuss this as ‘one’ <an individual> or as a ‘whole’ <groups, countries, society>.

Well, to me, the reason why I kept on throwing in easy is because I believe we look at “difficult” incorrectly.

Maybe difficulty is simply difficulty.

Maybe there are no ‘degrees of difficulty’ when it comes to change.

Maybe there is no ‘little or big’ change.

Maybe it is simply, well, change … no size … no degrees … and it is all difficult.

One size – same degree of difficulty.

In fact. Maybe I should be arguing we diminish, or boost the whole concept of difficulty by trying to find levels within it. And maybe a philosophical young student Tv character <Felicity> simplified change and progress and difficulty into the simplest form — not looking back. In other words, change difficulty is all about the past and not looking back. Therein lies the hardest part or the “difficult” as it were with change – looking forward & just doing and not looking back at what you may, or may not be, leaving behind.

That said.

Individuals or societies, the ones or the manys, always seem to want to go back or look back <in some form or fashion>. It’s funny. We do this even if we know it isn’t the right thing or the best thing. We look at the past holding on to what exists with ragged tenacious claws.

Worse? We sometimes <often> delude ourselves into believing we are proceeding in the most rational way by weighing all of the pros and cons of various alternatives which are actually alternatives usually based on looking backwards <with an eye on a future thought>.

Oddly.

Quite often it really isn’t rational thinking because in the end most often the decision ends up no more than “I liked that more than I liked the other alternative.”

Oh. And that is scary. Because our attitude and perception with regard to the past is wacky.

Wacky not only because, all things created equal, we not only view the past differently than it really was <we tend to gloss over things> but also how we think and feel today <please note this is the first time I have mentioned anything to do with the present> influences how we remember yesterday. Yeah. Whatever we are feeling now and about ‘now’ is a filter in which the past has to sift its way thru. That matters because tomorrow’s anticipated gains and losses inspire today’s decisions and actions.

–          Example one:

After being shown an ad talking about the wonders of Disneyland, including shaking hands with Bugs Bunny, people were asked about their own memories of visiting Disneyland. 16 percent vividly remembered shaking hands with Bugs Bunny, even though there’s no Bugs Bunny at Disneyland. (He’s a Warner Brothers character.)

–          Example two <using some research>:

This is about what is called Time perspective. It’s not the actual real events of the past that most strongly influence our lives. It is actually our attitude toward events in the past matter more than the events themselves <ponder that one for a minute or two>.

Our time perspective — whether we tend to get stuck in the past, live only for the moment, or are enslaved by our ambitions for the future – effect our attitudes and behavior and decisions <lets call this ‘progress’>.

Stanford University psychology professor Philip Zimbardo created this idea of time perspective. After a boatload of research over a lot of time <10 years> he concluded our attitude toward time is just as defining as key personality traits such as optimism or sociability. He concluded time perspective influences many of our judgments, decisions, and actions. Zimbardo identified five key approaches to time perspective.

These are:

• The ‘past-negative’ type. You focus on negative personal experiences that still have the power to upset you. This can lead to feelings of bitterness and regret.
• The ‘past-positive’ type. You take a nostalgic view of the past, and stay in very close contact with your family. You tend to have happy relationships, but the downside is a cautious, “better safe than sorry” approach which may hold you back.
• The ‘present-hedonistic’ type. You are dominated by pleasure-seeking impulses, and are reluctant to postpone feeling good for the sake of greater gain later. You are popular but tend to have a less healthy lifestyle and take more risks.
• The ‘present-fatalistic’ type. You aren’t enjoying the present but feel trapped in it, unable to change the inevitability of the future. This sense of powerlessness can lead to anxiety, depression and risk-taking.
• The ‘future-focused’ type. You are highly ambitious, focused on goals, and big on making ‘to do’ lists. You tend to feel a nagging sense of urgency that can create stress for yourself and those around you. Your investment in the future can come at the cost of close relationships and recreation time.

Anyway. All the research aside … here is an uncomfortable truth. Most of us are either focused on the past or the future. Or even both.

Here is the uncomfortable part.

That means if we are so preoccupied with past and future, well, that inevitably makes the present, well, smaller.

Yeah. The present becomes the smallest part of our attitudes which inevitably drives our behavior.

Unfortunately <or fortunately to any change consultant>  change actually begins and ends with what you actually do in the present. Nothing else really matters when it come to change.

Yikes. That sure explains a lot.

Anyway.

The hardest part of moving forward is not looking back. Heck. Maybe the hardest part of moving forward is not only not looking back .but not looking forward too.

<note: my head hurts after typing that>

Change is, adn will always be, about flipping today to tomorrow. Easy, and as hard, as that.

I imagine that change will always be difficult and the only thing that may matter is to make the present a little bit bigger in how you think in the scheme of things. I say that because when you do flip the present, and what you do in the present, and tomorrow looks bigger & better you will most likely have no desire to look backwards anymore, less likely to hold with ragged claws to anything you used to do, and more likely to just have, well, changed … and it is all said and done.

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originally written October 2013

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“It was the in-between time, before day leaves and night comes, a time I’ve never been partial to because of the sadness that lingers in the space between going and coming.”

Sue Monk Kidd

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“Ambiguity of language is philosophy’s main source of problems.

That is why it is of the utmost importance to examine attentively the very words we use.”  

Giuseppe Peano

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Fear of being misunderstood. If you type that into google you get about 159,000,000 results in 0.42 seconds and only one, yes, one result is about the version I am talking about. The version today is not being misunderstood as a person, but, literally, not being understood when speaking or communicating something. That said. I did find the term ambiguphobia which is applied to the pathological fear of being misunderstood. It has the same word root as “ambiguous.”

Ambiguity.

If you elect to believe the world is often ambiguous, complex not simple, that cause & effect (98% of the time) is nonexistent, and truth is more often conditional not absolute, you are doomed to have a fear of being misunderstood. This fear may be constant or intermittent or maybe even like a flux capacitor, but it exists in some form or fashion.

I thought about this after listening to a Jason Fox podcast where he kind of flippantly mentioned he had a fear of being misunderstood and read a piece he linked to at Ribbon Farm “The Tragicomic Exasperations of Expertise.”

Here is what I believe.

If you elect to believe the world is complex and simplicity is elusive, you spend a lot of time in the wretched hollow between:

Certainty versus uncertainty

Absolute truths versus contingent truths

Pragmatism versus dreams

Short term versus long term

Safety versus risk

Old beliefs versus new understandings

Fixed versus unfixed

Fluid versus solid

If you reside in the complex universe, you will find your cozy cottage resides in this windswept, stormy grassy hollow. And I would suggest you also spend a lot of time in the kitchen of the cottage mixing ingredients seeking the perfect potion to make the complex understood. I would also suggest this is the wretched hollow – continual experimentation of ingredients.

“<things> get better when exposed to external stressors and change.”

Dr. Jason Fox

That said. If you elect to believe the world is complex, let me suggest two thoughts for you to ponder about this wretched hollow in terms of ‘fear of being misunderstood’:

Wretched hollow version 1: where ideas go to die

If you have decided to reside in the complex universe, suffice it to say you have decided to be in the thinking & ideas business. While your skillset may have some aspects of ‘doing’ and results, you have put a stake in the ground that progress is dependent upon people thinking about shit and in that thinking will better navigate a way toward success.

In other words you have inextricably linked thinking to progress. This is important because in this version of the wretched hollow this is where ideas go to die if you are misunderstood.

In other words. You are in the thinking and ideas business (a version of the ‘Progress Business’) and if you are not understood your thinking and ideas die. Uhm. No more business and certainly no progress (or at least your version of it).

This is a pragmatic fear of being misunderstood. The product you want to sell, not being understood, is not bought.

I will note here this is where I believe business people, experience, has an advantage over academics & thought leaders. In business if you cannot make uncertainty certain enough or the invisible esoteric thinking visible enough, you die. You become a superfluous thinker who doesn’t know how to get things done or, in general, no one knows what to do with what you say & think. You are simply mental masturbation.

Wretched hollow version 2: where ‘self’ goes to die

Doubt, Imposter Syndrome, confidence, even arrogance wander in this wretched hollow. Fear of being misunderstood haunts not just your ideas and thinking, but you. This is the world you have elected to be in. Others have chosen detail, you have chosen definitions.

By choosing the path of definitions, versus details, you have, psychologically, purposefully placed yourself in a constant tug of war between all of the things I just stated. Your only real contribution to the tug of war is to continuously eat up more and more knowledge in the attempt to put more weight on the positive side of the tug of war. Unfortunately, knowledge weighs less, proportionately, than doubt/uncertainty, or even ignorance, so even as you become more smart, wiser, & better at articulating the Sumo wrestler sized doubts (the actual fear of being misunderstood) never lose any weight and keep tugging.

My point here is that electing to reside in the complex universe and making your business the business of thinking & ideas is a non-stop, never-ending tug of war. So. You are in the game or you are not. And if you are worth half a shit you will find that you never lose the tug of war, the other side just tugs a little harder on occasion. But. And this is a big but. The moment you stop pulling the fear of being misunderstood changes to death of the universe you have elected to live in and even the business you have elected to be in. I know that sounds harsh, but ‘self’ has some pretty dark places and if you give up the rope it is really really hard to not only climb back out of the darkness, but also get a new strong grip on the rope in the tug of war. Just ponder because even if you do not agree with me in totality on this point even at a lesser degree it has repercussions to fear of being misunderstood.

Let me end this version of wretched hollow by pointing out that if you have elected to make thinking & ideas your business, and you struggle to make people understand your thinking & ideas, you will inevitably start questioning the value & meaning you provide. Period. Full stop.

“Aiming at brevity, I become obscure.”

Horace

Lastly.

Mixing the formula.

That’s the deal, isn’t it? Finding the right amount of certainty, tangible understanding, to freedom (uncertainty) ratio? It’s the proportionate amount of traction points (I call them lily pads of certainty) to provide structure to hold up the uncertain, freedom and adaptability of thinking, in people’s minds (leading to them actually doing something). I say that because that’s where the fear of being misunderstood centers itself – will I mix the right formula this time?

This is where Life gets tricky.

All people inherently need some successes or, well, you go into some pretty dark places. So your natural instincts arc toward ‘being understood.’ That means offering up simplicity, maybe some tasty soundbites and, often, some fairly vapid generalizations attempting to tap into some common perceptions. That means you incrementally shave away at complexity which, inherently, shaves away truths and impact/effectiveness <you have slipped down the slippery slope of the bastardization of occam>. That means, while you have elected to reside in the universe of complexity, you are selling out the value of that universe (I would argue that diminishes self but that’s not my point today).

I will say (part 1) the people in this space with the most success not only constantly gain knowledge, but use it in a ‘play, pause, rewind, fast forward’ way. What I mean by that is the formula cannot be rushed and neither can complexity understanding be completed in a formulaic way. In other words it not only takes an ability to assemble the right fragments, but do so with pacing to engage cognitively.

“Be still amidst the chaos and active in repose.”

Indira Ghandi

I will say (part 2) that the tricksters, and ignorant, who casually ease round simplistic pegs into uneven hexagon complex holes exponentially outnumber the experts. And you know what? People, in general, like round pegs.  Smooth, simple and easy to grasp. This does not mean people are stupid just that tricksters are masters of the illusion, and delusion, of progress and the doyens of detail. In general, they thrive on detail cloaked in fortune cookie wisdom. It’s simplistic, not simple, and its horrible for us, society and business.

And maybe that is where I should end. The fear of being misunderstood is really about knowing, in your heart of hearts, you have chosen the rockier path as two roads diverge and, well:

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Fear of being misunderstood is all about fear of choices – have I made the right one, or ones, and in doing so have I made myself clear of why the roads are what the roads are and why as they diverge we should walk on this one today.

Fear of being misunderstood is all about making the choice to making the complex understood.

Fear of being misunderstood is all about the choice that progress is actually made through the complex rather than simplicity.

Fear of being misunderstood is all about fear people do not understand the choice you made.

Regardless. There is a positive side.

Progress is not a linear process. Mastering complexity or at least wrangling complexity insures not only progress, but antifragile progress and progress with value. I will never suggest fear is a good thing, but I will say that when you get it right, when you share the thinking and ideas and it is understood, and your fear of being misunderstood is absolved for at least that moment – it is a great feeling. And it’s a great feeling not because you have been understood, but rather because by being understood energy has been created, or traction provided, for progress to occur. Ponder.

“Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.”

André Gide

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Ok. I am always wary of those who come out blazing by claiming to speak “the truth” mostly because I believe rarely are things black & white or that truth is easy. This wariness of mine means I am optimistically cynical.

This can sometimes be construed as a contrarian <with some clear pragmatic boundaries>, but, it is not. Truth is hard and having a fact, or even some facts, on your side doesn’t guarantee you are holding the Truth card.

All this leads me to say that in today’s world I see too much lazy thinking <or possibly lazy sloppy communication>. This is most typically fund in people quick to select the facts they want to use and ignore others and then pontificate on “the truth.”

Anyway. My inherent cynicism makes me question everything upfront <or maybe one would hope as I have become older I can judge what to question and what to accept upfront>. I actually believe this is good use of cynicism. Instead of cynicism dragging things down it is used to structurally build UP, brick by brick, fact by fact, the truth.

In old times <like really really old> this questioning would be a version of Socratic questioning <but I am not as smart as good ole Socrates>. Socratic questioning focuses on the importance of questioning in learning <Socrates actually thought that questioning was the only real form of teaching>. Simplistically, Socratic questioning highlights the difference between systematic and fragmented thinking.

It teaches us to dig beneath the surface of ideas.

It teaches us the value of developing questioning minds in cultivating deep learning.

So. I imagine my point is that questioning <a version of conflict> actually helps us get closer to the truth. In a way, despite the fact ‘debating’ sounds glamorous, it is actually what I would call ‘the grinding of truth.’ You grind your way through the fragments until you have uncovered the truth.

The art of Socratic questioning is tightly aligned to the idea of critical thinking mostly because it ties the art of questioning to excellence of thought. To summarize this thought “Socratic” means a systematic approach in the interest in assessing truth or plausibility of things.

Both critical thinking and Socratic questioning share a common end — seeking meaning and truth.

Critical thinking provides the conceptual tools for understanding how the mind functions in its pursuit of meaning and truth.

Socratic questioning employs those tools in framing questions essential to the pursuit of meaning and truth.

The beauty of critical thinking skills is that it establishes an additional level of thinking to our thinking, an inner voice of reason, that monitors, assesses, and reforms our ideas/opinions/thoughts <in a more rational direction> and affects our feelings and actions. Socratic discussion cultivates that inner voice through an explicit focus on using the “outer voice” with directed, disciplined questioning. This becomes important because everyone has biases and some heauristic thinkng embedded so introducuing external/outer voice increases the likelihood you will not be blinded by your bias or beliefs.

So. What this means is that a shitload of the people adamantly stating ‘the truth’ (and we seem to hear a lot of these people on radio shows and talk shows and “advocates” of some special interest) are actually lying.

Ok. That lying thought. Maybe I could better say that they aren’t stating truth, but rather opinion under the guise of truth <and duping a significant amount of people along the way>. Yeah. Some of them are quite crafty in that they will sprinkle a fact or two into their opinion in the attempt to buttress up the opinion. Now, most are smart enough to know they are cherry-picking a fact or tow and assembling them in a way that looks impenetrable (but its actually flimsy), but they have made a choice. A choice to state truth when it is simply opinion <and shame on them for that … particularly if they do it under the ‘freedom of speech’ heading as well as if they have some ability to impact people>.

The truth behind the truth is that it does come with choice.

Try this on for size.

With awareness of some truths comes choice, and, with choice, freedom or chaos or crisis. This comes from 19th Century philosopher G. W. F. Hegel.

Discarding an absolute notion of truth, he saw today’s “truth” merely as a passing “bloom” in an evolving process of new “blooms”.

<let’s just call these stupid blooms … ‘ideas’>

Ideas and truth advance, he believed, only as ideas come into conflict.

This occurs when a counter idea <the antithesis> arises to challenge the status quo <the thesis>. It was this “conflict” or “crisis” which brought about the “higher idea” <the synthesis>.

Now.

Let me be clear.

The Hegelian Dialectic is more of an observation of the way thought systems evolve than it is a suggestion on how systems themselves evolve <so crisis is not an action, but part of thought>. Think of it as maybe a Plato would – someone states a belief or ‘perceived truth’ and the debate is the ‘crisis’ – or when an antithesis point of view is articulated- of which synthesis occurs and, hopefully, truth emerges. I invested some energy explaining that so no one starts running around being crazy trying to drive “crisis” into every frickin’ conversation we have.

That said. Marx and Darwin applied this notion to the social and biological realm. Marx and Communism stood on a pillar of crisis <just called revolution>. The higher social order could only arise from the “crisis” of conflict—the proletariat arising to battle the bourgeoisie. Darwin and Neo-Darwinian theory see the higher biological order arising only from a life and death struggle—survival of the fittest.

So. What this suggests is that truth can only arise from crisis <or in a dialectic world> through debate and discussion.

I know I do not dislike this thought.

As long as we don’t start thinking there is something “magical” in a crisis and see the debate as the synthesis necessary to cultivate truth this is not only healthy but creates some healthy truths.

Anyway.

Crisis is a big word. And easily misunderstood <at least by someone with a pea like brain like me>. I don’t believe we need crisis to create change. Simply some conflict. Simply some debate for god’s sake.

Maybe some questioning of people who state “the truth.”

<then that debate within conflicting point of views could be construed as a ‘crisis’ and Hegel can sleep at night>

All that said I imagine a legitimate concern one could have in reading this is that I am suggesting never ending debate. Or maybe even “unresolved conflict” because diametrically opposed opinions are locked in “absolute truths” and are unwilling to accept anything otherwise.

In other words, we never leave “crisis” mode.

I am not. That is bad. And useless. And dangerous.

But.

The entire idea of “thought” to ‘crisis in debate’ to ‘a clearer truth’ is a viable thought. And maybe that is the immost important truth – it is really really rare to reach an unequivocal truth, we more often simply have a clearer view of truth as it exists within a context, time and place.

So when someone states “absolute truth’ without debate or discussion I think its kinda nuts. Heck. I often think its nuts even after debate or discussion.

Oh.

One last important thought <a REALLY important one in this entire discussion>.

We are as much at fault as the “liar” if we remain silent when facing lies, partial truths or opinions masking as truth.

Silence is the death of debate.

The death of the search for truth. No questioning = no truth.

Think about that the next time you hear something that sounds … well … wrong.

And you remain silent. Your silence is killing truth.

Anyway.

Optimistically cynical in pursuit of truth.  Maybe Dill said it best:

——

“I ain’t cynical, Miss Alexandra. Tellin’ the truth’s not cynical, is it?”

=

Dill, To Kill a Mockingbird

—–

Do not remain silent in the search as an optimistically cynical view of truth.

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“I am not afraid of my truth anymore and I will not omit pieces of me to make you comfortable.”

—

Alex Elle

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So. Being yourself is a tricky topic. In business, Life & deciding what you want to do.

I know <I know>.

Seems like “being yourself” should be simple. Like ‘breathing’ type simple.

But it’s not. It’s not because there is a constant struggle between an internal part <’who am I’ type shit> and external <figuring out how ‘who am I’ should actually act in public>.

For example, one of my favorite young writers, Jamie, describes herself this way:

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I’m a writer, pretty much by process of elimination. I am also a professional aspirationalist.

That’s not a word, but I’ve made it into one, since there was nothing that could quite describe me because I didn’t want to say I’m a “professional dreamer” because that sounds like some hippie shit.

I have aspirations, like, lots of them. If you’d like me to create a TV show, get in touch with me. How about publishing my memoir? Get in touch. If you are from The Ellen Show, I will, of course, accept your interview and would be delighted to dance it out with my girl, so long as she doesn’t prank me by making me eat cilantro. In fact, I want no cilantro in anything.

<Jamie Varon>

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Professional aspirationalist. Not ‘professional dreamer’ nor ‘professional pragmatist.’

Ok.

Professional aspirationalist is just awesome.

If I could ever vote for a new term, that would be it. It’s fucking awesome. It captures the essence of restlessness & hope & striving & unlearning &, well, all the things I believe are good and healthy with a person seeking to be better tomorrow than they are today.

What I truly love about it is that she came up with a term to capture her “self.” I love it because being yourself, and even recognizing who ‘yourself’ is, is hard. And when I say hard think even harder than maybe becoming a Navy Seal type hard.

……….. self …….. an entanglement of nuances ………….

It is incredibly hard because the truth is that ‘my truth’ , more often than not, is most likely an evolving tangled web of characteristics which, as it evolves, simply becomes more tangled <rather than untangled>.

Yourself is constantly adapting to new learning, new learning about things and new learning, and unlearning <changed beliefs, opinions, attitudes, perspectives>, about oneself.

That’s why I love professional aspirationalist.

True north on Jamie’s compass is defined. And its not a destination, but rather it is a direction.

Aspirationalist is a moving target. It is restless and unmoving at exactly the same time. It is an adventurer with some pragmatism. It’s not being on Ellen <although she would be delighted to do so> because once that happens there will always be something else.

Being an aspirationalist means not only having dreams, but dreaming … oh … and doing.

Yeah.

Doing. As in doing lots of different shit.

Uh oh.

That also means … well … increasingly more and different dreams <and aspirations>. And increasingly doing more and different shit. Dreaming and doing. Lots of different dreaming and doing.

In the end <to me> being a professional aspirationalist means being a restless soul. Restlessly seeking, traveling, doing, thinking. Professionally constantly in motion <mentally or physically>.

I love it because it captures my personal belief that becoming ‘better’ as a person is experiential rather than tangible <although tangible ‘doing stuff’ is certainly a component>.

I love it because it isn’t for the faint of heart.

And isn’t what truly being yourself is all about? Having some courage to even suggest ‘I will not omit things just to make you comfortable.’

Professional aspirationalist reminded me of this other quote:

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“I am a world that cannot be explored in one day. I am not a place for cowards.”

Caitlyn Siehl

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Yes.

Being a professional aspirationalist means you are not a place for cowards.

Anyway.

I wish I had come up with this word, but I am not as talented a writer as Jamie.

I like it for its sense of Life’s paradox. Paradox in that it is independent and dependent at the same time.

I like it for it’s sense of Business’s paradox. Paradox in that success in business is a combination of stillness, at the right times, and movement/restlessness at all times.

I like it because at its core it doesn’t mean shunning the world and simply being a dreamer. It has rich & royal hues of reality threading its way through its fabric.

I would like to believe I am also a professional aspirationalist.

Now.

To be clear <because Jamie is correct the word selection was thoughtful to avoid the ‘hippie shit’>. Pragmatically, we aspirationalists do seek <some> approval and acceptance <ohhhhhhhhhhhh shit>.

Accept what I just wrote <that last sentence>. Don’t fight it <even if you are one of those who say ‘I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks”>.

Because you do care.

Whether you like it or not, whether you think it is right or wrong, whether you think it is a good thing or bad in that it makes you ‘weak’ in some way, just get it set in your head – in some form or fashion – we care.

Don’t worry … we all care <not just aspirationalists>. We all care what the people around us think about us. And by ‘people’ I mean everyone from those closest to you <who would most likely accept you in any shape and form you ended up in … but you don’t want to disappoint them> to society overall <there is some value in gaining credit for who you are and what you do>.

Some acceptance from others feeds our self-esteem & self-worth <and all that Maslow stuff>.

Ah.

Please note I used the word “feeds.” Approval and acceptance is not the only nutrition necessary for a healthy esteem and worth.

It is simply one part of the diet.

Even we aspirationalists need a balanced ‘self diet’. We do not seek sole value from proving ourselves to others. And we don’t accept sole value in and of ourselves.

Being an aspirationalist is … well … the paradox. Independent dreamer with some dependence on external cues as to the value of our aspirations.

We want to fit into the world on our own terms.

Regardless.

What a description:

                       Professional aspirationalist:      I am not afraid of my truth anymore and I will not omit pieces of me to make you comfortable. I am a world that cannot be explored in one day. I am not a place for cowards.

We need more of these people in our world — in Life & in business.

Me? I will continue living life, trying to do good shit in Life & business, as a Professional Aspirationalist.

Alice:                    “How long is forever?

White Rabbit:    “Sometimes, just one second”

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<Tim Burton from Alice in Wonderland movie, but never in Lewis Carroll’s books. Its kind of Tim Burton’s version of Mr. Margorium’s “37 seconds is a lifetime if used well.” >

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Today I am writing about living instead of waiting, doing instead of thinking about doing, and recognizing that even if you do live & do, some moments in time are different than others <although they all surely look the same as they appear on the watch>.

It all begins with recognizing Time is a funny thing.

It can ebb and flow all within a finite amount of time.

It can increase speed and decrease speed and yet remain an extremely identifiable finite amount of time.

It can take years of asking and creating questions and, yet, a second to answer everything.

All of which makes me think of two things:

–          Memorable moments

–          Moment of clarity

Obviously they are not the same thing, but could end up being the same moment. Anyway.

              Memorable moments.

I sometimes call these untangled moments. Life is a tangled snarled bunch of moments. But every once in a while you inadvertently pull the right end of the string and the knot is released and, well, everything becomes untangled.

It can be a smile from some across the room.

It can be a falling star.

It can be something really big — a seemingly small decision made amongst many.

It can even be, in business, tugging one project out of a seemingly endless list of projects to do.

Frankly, you don’t notice many of these ‘one seconds’ when they happen.

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“In real life turning points are sneaky. They pass by unlabeled and unheeded. Opportunities are missed, catastrophes unwittingly celebrated. Turning points are only uncovered later, by historians who seek to bring order to a lifetime of tangled moments.”

Kate Morton

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They happen, shit gets done, and only in reflection you realize that these seconds last forever — they are a moment etched in time. These are truly ‘a second that is forever.’

Ponder. I have just explained one of Life’s most interesting paradox so now you can tell someone how one second can also be forever.

            Moments of clarity

Clarity is an amazing thing. It can be forced externally <let’s call these ‘oh shit’ moments> and internally <I call these ‘lock picking’ moments>.

Oh shit moments. Physiologically ‘oh shit’ moments actually causes the mind to become intensely focused. This physiological response actually permits our brains to record more data than normal. Physiologically what also happens is that memory then ends up replaying the information in slow motion mostly to assimilate all the additional information stored in there.

Think of it like filming something with a high speed camera and then replaying it at a normal speed.

I cannot figure out if time slows down or our mind speeds up to accommodate more information. Doesn’t really matter. “Oh shit” makes us focus and when focused our minds are pretty amazing computers. They create moments of clarity. These moments may be fleeting <and some of us actually miss the clarity moment as it passes by> and the consequences of not recognizing these moments of clarity <no “oh shit” to get us to focus>  is that we simply become overwhelmed by all the data being shared with our brains.

That leads me to the internally forced moment of clarity and a second way of looking at moments of clarity.

Focused minds overwhelmed by data still offer an open window to a moment in clarity.

The challenge? Life slams the window shut pretty frickin’ fast. You have to almost train yourself, and your mind, to see thru the window for the moment it is open. So I would suggest the second version of ,moments of clarity is the ‘lock picking’ moment.

Lock picking moments. Why do I call it ‘lock picking’?

I don’t know how to crack a safe or pick a lock <and I imagine I wouldn’t broadcast it if I did>, but I do know what it feels like to have a moment of clarity when thinking about something. It is like having all the tumblers in the lock suddenly align and you hear the click of the lock unlocking. And, yes, I swear I hear a sound in my head when it happens. Oh. And it is a frickin’ beautiful sound. I am often asked to describe it, and I do so, but I cannot explain the noise of the moment of clarity when the tumblers align.

I imagine it is just in my head. But I tell people that is what you are seeking. When everything just falls into place your mind will tell you in some form or fashion that you have entered into a moment of clarity. Interestingly <maybe this is just me>, but I have found that these moments are also very similar to the first one I described in that Life doesn’t hold that window open for long. What I mean is that I have learned over time to write it down or say it out loud to someone when the tumblers fall into place. Maybe the mind simply opens that door which you just unlocked and closes it behind you and you immediately enter a new hallway with dozens of other locked doors and the mind moves on.

I don’t know.

All I know is that moments of clarity are simply moments. They may echo in eternity <lasting forever>, but only if you actually recognize them. If you don’t? That one second just gets buried under the mound of other missed seconds.

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“My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops?”

David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas

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And, yet, within the multitude of drops, the limitless ocean called Life, one second can be forever.

Uhm. “Can.” You just have to make sure you pay attention.

That said. I will end with two relevant quotes from two great thinker/writers:

==============

“Forever is made up of now.”

Emily Dickinson

———–

“Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.”

Kurt Vonnegut

=============

Kurt & Emily probably loved Alice in Wonderland. There is no why because how can there be in a world of nonsense where we seek to find some sense? The ‘forever one seconds’ always end up being trapped in amber.

Anyway. Here you go … the full Tim Burton script:

“It is better to be feared than loved.”

“The Mad Hatter: Have I gone mad?

Alice: I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.”

“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would.”

“I’m not strange, weird, off, nor crazy, my reality is just different from yours”

”Alice: How long is forever? White Rabbit: Sometimes, just one second”

In the end I can only chuckle.

One second? Of course one second can be forever <and I am not entirely bonkers>. You just have to pay attention to moments and then make the moment matter.

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“Something special exists in everyone, it just needs uncovering.”

Lee Grunnell

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“I have so much I want to tell you, and nowhere to begin.”

J.D. Salinger

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Ideas, language, products. All are connected and all are essential.

Yes. You need a well functioning product or service, but you also need a well functioning idea with a language that functionally communicates it if you want to have a successful business product.

Note: I would argue that every good product has a special idea that exists within it and if you don’t articulate it well you simply have a commodity and will careen around your category in a bumper car race of similarity (albeit with different colors).

That said. Conceptually, I want to sell an idea so people buy a product (not sell a product so they buy into some idea of what it offers). To me, within that twist of words, and wording, resides success.

Let me share thoughts on each aspect.

Ideas.

Nassim Taleb suggested “loyalty to an idea is not a good thing for anyone.” I disagree. In fact, I would argue discerning what idea to be loyal to versus which ideas should be ‘loosely held’ may be one of the most important aspects of success.

** note: this may be what Taleb meant but it’s fun to disagree with him.

Ideas don’t need to be uncovered. Most are simply submerged or buried under bias, discomfort, political correctness and general societal bullshit.

Once they arise from all that muck some really important conversations can happen where people realize that people are people and ideas can connect them.

We can accept that there is more in common then different between people so an idea, well articulated, can gather people.

We can accept that hopes and dreams are fairly equal even among what seems like in unequal dispersion of their hopes & dreams.

If you accept this, even embrace this, you stop restricting possibilities and stop viewing conversations around ideas in a restrictive way, but rather the fact a belief an idea offers a center on which other ideas can collect around. This is an important thought because if you viewed this same concept through the lens of ‘I sell products, not ideas’ you would actually have to be in the product line extension/innovation business because that’s what collects around a product-centric view. Products have value, but ideas with products attached is multiplicative value.

Now. I will unequivocally state that ideas are a dime a dozen (albeit not all are created equal) and multiple products can actually serve the same idea, therefore, how you articulate the idea, and what language gets ‘coded’ to that idea/product combination matters – a lot.

Language.

Language, or words, are the oxygen (or carbon monoxide) to ideas. Languages and words tap into the attitudes, influences behavior and shapes culture. The right word, or combination of words, shapes what we pay attention to as well as HOW we pay attention to what is being said and who is saying it.

** two better books discussing words, diametrically opposed in terms of style and how things are discussed, are How to Speak Human/Jackson & Jackson & The Symbolic Species/Terrence Deacon.

Words then establish some expectations, or cultural ‘permissions’, tapping into biases and experiences (either locking them or unlocking them). And, ultimately, words shape culture. While they certainly can amplify differences, they can also foster a shared sense of identity – at best bridging perceived differences and establishing commonalities (unearthing what has been unseen or ignored). I will say that the most effective words are words typically derived from established stories or narratives.

“The story you attach to something is just as important to creating the value as the product itself.”

Rory Sutherland

Therefore, for a product to be grounded in an idea that idea needs words, language and stories to craft its place in culture. This is often called “linguistics influence” (language plays a role in guiding thoughts, attitudes and perceptions).

**note: people should not confuse this with ‘perception is reality.’ Perceptions shape the value of reality. That distinction is important because the moment there is misalignment between perceptions and reality (the product or experience) then there is dissonance in the mental structure which makes it unavailable to distinction.

Words influence how we think about things conceptually. That means if we can articulate an idea in the right way, the words (embodying an idea) can frame, or reframe, the entire conversation. It is here we should think of words, and conversations, as an expansive tool not a restrictive tool. This is important because words influence focus (which is tied to attention) highlighting some information, yet, opens us up to additional information. All this to say for an idea to not only exist, but prosper, it must have a language and words.

Products.

Truly meaningful differentiated products are anomaly – they are in fact like unicorns (okay, how about like protected species). That doesn’t mean we don’t bend ourselves into pretzels trying to convince ourselves we have differentiated our product in some meaningful way. I often call this the ‘differentiation rabbit hole.’ I would argue, and have, make your product functionally great against a specific need (or want) and then articulate your idea in a distinct way and you will not only sell a viable product, but create a value proposition so it can be healthy in the marketplace.

Let me be clear. If you do not have a functional, preferably functionally good, offering, no matter what language you use, no matter what story you create, you will fail. It may not be today, or even tomorrow, but inevitably your business will crumble under the weight of failed expectations.

Let me be clear. If you do not understand the difference between need and want, you have a 50/50 chance your idea will crumble under the weight of your wrong choice of what it is you offer.

Lastly.

A quick thought on the relationship between people and ideas.

People.

The universe can be confusing in that we can see distribution connections (the internet, globalized shipping, technology, mail, etc) as the creator of what is successful and what is not. The truth is that it is humans who disseminate and distribute ideas. This is important because this eliminates biological spread as a way of growth or death. Instead we should be viewing the relationship in a mental way. There are too many studies to source that have dealt with the question of what causes a particular idea to engage and spread. It is difficult to characterize which ideas gain success, and which don’t, because, well, ideas are used by humans to spread & be distributed. The idea has no control of its own survival. Its survival resides in the imperfections of humans. Maybe said another way – it is important to understand despite our illusion humans are in control of the development and implementation of ideas; they don’t work for us, we work for them – we serve as machines or distribution widgets/system for spreading ideas.

Which leads me to amplification (or speed) and ideas. We far too often speak of engagement as the key to ideas when we should actually be assessing the interaction of humans and ideas with velocity in mind. If humans control ideas then they also have the opportunity to not only dictate their survival but also an ideas ability to thrive – an idea can survive in a small corner of the world or dominate the world (not all survival is created equal).

All that said.

Ideas are dependent upon people. In other words, if no human cares about your idea, it does not exist.

Ok. Let me share an example of a neat little startup I have had the privilege of assisting. It’s a company called Dope Coffee. Yes. It’s a coffee business and brand, but its actually an idea for which the coffee products are simply a means to sharing the idea. the brand idea has principled aspects all of which insure a cohesive in messaging and a coherence in ideas it collects, strategies it pursues and tactics it implements.

About Dope Coffee. Dope coffee, dope culture, a dope society, a dope conversation.

A company of creatives who use coffee as a medium to tell black culture’s story one cup of coffee at a time.

Sometimes a product is a means to an end. Sometimes a product is created not to solve a problem, but rather to not fail the moment & the idea. In fact. Sometimes a product is created to insure it is crafted to INSURE the moment happens. That is Dope Coffee. As a product the coffee has been crafted to linger on the taste buds so the drinker wants to linger in the moment and linger on the conversations that occur over a cup of coffee. And within the moment, and moments, resides the Dope Coffee idea.

Dope Coffee is an idea captured in products people can use.

The idea.

Society according to Dope.

Exclusion is easy. It’s easy because society thrives on binaries. It’s us versus them, black versus white, good versus bad. Its also wrong. The strength of society resides in inclusion not “versus.” The strength of society is a better world in which we all get to maintain our individuality without sacrificing community. That means someone can be black and be true to a black community AND seamlessly thrive within the larger community. Yes. We believe black people can be uncompromisingly black without being exclusive, in fact, through black culture society can see inclusivity through fresh eyes. Conversely we believe white people (or any race) can be uncompromisingly white without being exclusive.

Culture according to Dope.

Being black is inclusive, not exclusive. There are more things in common than uncommon. In fact, I’d point out the language of black America, the culture of black America, is part of the weave that unites America. Just as words can divide, they can unite. In fact, words, commonly understood, may be one of the greatest bonding ‘tools’ in existence. Dope is a way of speaking, way of thinking and way of Life. Its black culture, captured in cultural language, capturing a multi-colored world in a common narrative.

Coffee according to Dope.

A cup of coffee is a connection to a conversation between people, thoughts & ideas – either self reflectively or in engaging with others. It creates an intersection in which we can linger upon the important things. We have crafted a coffee with this intention in mind – texture, tone, taste – to reflect upon what connects us, not divides us. We see our coffee as, well, dope. Dope in that in its excellence it permits people to reflect upon what good the world offers rather than dwell on the bad.

Black coffee using black culture to create a brighter world view one conversation at a time.

Dope Coffee is an idea which collects ideas. Therein lies the power of being an idea and not just a product. The core idea, always revolving around a product which tends to be an energy source for connecting, is a collection of ideas (whatever makes up the individuals’ conversations & thinking of that moment).

This makes idea selling a little tricky, but expansive in its potential. The larger idea is simple, in and of itself, and coffee is simple in and of itself, yet, the conversation is complex in its variety of depths and dimensions. But that’s how we navigate complex ideas and a complex world – by offering a lily pad of certainty people can settle on (if but for a moment) so that complexity can be faced well.

Ideas, language and products.

Far too often we parse these out or choose that one is more important than another when, instead, we should embrace the ‘weave’ which binds a good brand positioning in the market place. It is most likely when you do weave them all together the ‘package’ will be distributed and used by humans (people).

Just ponder.

Drink a cup of coffee, think about the Dope idea (or any dope idea), and see where it takes you. This type of thinking, about ideas, is expansive in a good way. Its complexity in a good way.

Mea Culpa:

There are a few sentence/phrases in this piece which I pulled from little scribbled notes I made over time. There is a possibility I am using, verbatim, something that someone else crafted. I apologize and would be happy to source if I knew the source. As Rob Estreitinho has pointed out – I am a gentleman thief.

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“There is no problem so bad that you cannot make it worse.”

——–

Chris Hadfield

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Far too often businesses overemphasize speed. They confuse speed with quality, value and, most importantly, agility. This confusion typically leads one to making the most obvious or most popular or the most expedient <speediest> decision rather than the best decision <the one which creates velocity>.

We should always remember that at its core agility is not speed, but rather making haste patiently or festina lente <make haste slowly or patiently>.

Decision making is all about the combination of recognizing the resources at hand, patience and timely haste. Unfortunately, today’s business world is infamous for the efficiently hasty ‘close’ <most expedient choice> and not the patient hunt <for the right choice>.

———————–

“Strategy is turning the resources you have into the power you need, to win the change you want.”

Marshall Ganz

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This infatuation with speed far too often forces us to make decisions based on limited or ambiguous information. The truth is, when done well, decision making and consequences is actually a patient methodical process where at the beginning of the process, when the finer details have yet to be clarified, there is a need to be bolder in our decision-making – particularly because these early decisions have the most far-reaching consequences. With more resources, and knowledge, and have fewer doubts about what to do, there are less fundamental things to decide. This is called the Consequences Model created by the Danish organization theorists Kristian Kreiner and Søren Christensen.

Philosophically, this means the most important question is how we can bridge the chasm between doubt and decision.  This shouldn’t be done just by ‘feel’ or ‘gut’ but rather incorporating in some patient assessment. Here is the paradoxical quandary business is in.

Faster good choices are better, i.e., fast AND good.

The problem is there are very few good “choicers” <people who can do the first thought well> available. Yes. Many within an organization believe they are good ‘choicers’ despite more often implementing less than optima choices <and permitting them to make choices has a paradox effect of building additional personal self-esteem as ‘good choicers’ thereby encouraging poor choice making>.

Organizations, to be more efficient & effective, should drive choices <all> to the select few good ‘choicers’ AND incorporate some selective patience amid its haste.

Look. All I am suggesting is that some people are really good at making ‘hastier choices.’ They have that mental clarity that actually improves in hasty moments and the maturity to slow down the moment and say ‘let’s not be so quick to make haste’ <and actually be right about it>. But not everyone is like this.

And, in fact, they are a minority. I imagine the optimal world would be to funnel all choices through this minority. Imagine being the key word because that is an imaginary world. We couldn’t do it.

** note: organizations also need to cultivate people with ‘good choicer’ characteristics because experience actually improves their effectiveness (effectiveness being breadth of experience as well as #’s of trails & errors).

If your life, or your business, has one or two of these people use them, preserve them, foster them and trust them <you will go farther faster than you ever imagined>.

If you do not have the luxury of having one of them around <which by the way you have to learn to manage speed & patience, i.e., master festina lente>.

Look. I don’t like hasty decisions. And decision making has no formula with regard to hasty patience decision making because errors can result from deciding too quickly or by delaying too long.

Too quickly and … well … a decision can be killed in so many ways your head can spin.

Too slowly <too patient> … well … at least by delaying you can watch everything unfold as you watch the decision’s life slowly unravel in the form of lost opportunities or lost <or reduced> benefit from a quicker decision.

Making decisions is difficult, okay, making good decisions is difficult <because anyone can make a decision>. And it does take some experience to become more adept at making decisions especially in a time constrained situation.

Experience is important, and necessary in my view, because effective hasty patience is all about sifting through all the choices available.

Too fast and you die.

Too slow and you die.

That said. Here is what we do know. No one will get this right all the time, therefore, having a distinct brand with a bold, vivid stance in the marketplace creates bridges. Bridges which can keep you from falling into a crevasse on a bad decision and speed you across a crevasse with a good decision. It guarantees velocity as well as increases the odds of survival to have velocity another day.

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“Impatience kills quickly.”

–

Katerina Stoykova Klemer

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Velocity, at its core, is about decision utility, i.e., which decision will create the greatest return. I call it Return on Choice (ROC).  In business you face a relentless onslaught of decisions to be made. Jackson & Jackson (How to Speak Human) suggest its over 30,000 decisions each day. Given the sheer quantity, success is often dictated by how well you choose what is important versus what is not as important versus what is not important at all.

Well. Let’s face it. No matter how good you are you will not always get this right.

Well. Let’s face it. We could all become more adept at making choices because, let’s face it, if anything, we seem to have become worse at making thoughtful choices.

There is a direct relationship between ROC and impatience: too impatient poorer ROC & just enough patience higher ROC.

Now. I am all for, and a huge proponent of not dicking around <the technical term for ‘wasting time overthinking’> when a choice needs to be made. But there is a difference between making speedy decisions and making a decision because speed is the main criteria. The latter encourages impatient decision making which lessens decision utility.

This happens for two reasons:

• Impatience exacerbates our typically poor prioritization skills
• Impatience emphasizes Personal bias

Prioritization skills

Since we live in a world of infinite possibilities, it’s incredibly hard to figure out what to do, when, and where.

If you start thinking this way, well, you begin living in a world strewn with hypotheticals.

If I do A, then this will happen.  But what if I do B?  Will it be better?  Will I get back more? Will everyone around me be more satisfied? Or what about C? That looks good. Oh. But someone suggested D.

You get it. There are 26 letters in the alphabet and while most of us stop way before Z even getting to D can be maddening. It seems like the world is your oyster … everything is possible … but you don’t take advantage of any opportunities because you’re not sure of what’s best.

This is where I remind everyone what US President Dwight D. Eisenhower supposedly said: ‘The most urgent decisions are rarely the most important ones’.

Misreading the urgent from the non-urgent and the important from the unimportant may create impatience at the wrong time and waste energy & focus. Smart Business patience at its most simplest is grounded in the The Eisenhower Matrix. While Stephen Covey is often credited with the decision making matrix it was actually Dwight Eisenhower, considered a master of time management, who developed the matrix.

Decision utility is often driven by effective prioritization what to do do and what not to do.

——————–

“Mental clarity ain’t for the faint of heart.”–

Katerina Stoykova Klemer

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Personal bias.

Decision utility has to navigate the ‘personal bias’ maze.

————–

“Being aware of our own biases doesn’t mean we aren’t still susceptible to them.”

Faris Yakob

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It is natural we depend on defaults or ‘decision heuristics.’ They are times savers and actually assist ius in more efficiently navigating the 30,000+ decisions we have to make and getting shit done. But. When impatient we get, well, a little lazier. We lean in on our bias which is unfortunate because thinking takes hard work and every choice has opportunity costs. Unfortunately, most of us are not good at assessing ROC <return on choice> when viewing things thru a bias.

Especially when impatient people need to invest in working to eliminate bias.

Invest in developing the choices <and however many we need to feel like we have enough to assess assuming that is a finite number>.

Invest in actually assessing the choices <better, betterest & best assuming a best can be actually identified>.

Invest in the actual choice.

I imagine we are talking about the proper investment in time because organizational impatience leads to the permitting of poor choices <and a quicker death of a thousand cuts>. Maybe even more important is impatience without good investment equals ‘lost velocity.’ Or maybe even worse? Missed velocity.

Dealing with impatience and balancing impatience & patience ain’t for the faint of heart.

Managing decisions is all about a thorough understanding of the decision’s hierarchy of needs, navigating bias & understanding the attributes in a span of time that generates the most rewarding outcome. Being impatient doesn’t mean you ignore this thinking, but rather you incorporate it into your impatience <and it can dictate how patient you are in your impatience>.

I will suggest successful impatient decision making is about having, well, a rigid policy of flexibility.

Ok. Translation. Effective impatient patience is all about mental clarity – creating mental space to see things, feel things, absorb things and make those things into a decision or choice.

When you are facing a choice, making that decision <yes or no, do it or don’t do it>, you go through a cost-benefit check that may last anywhere from a split second to days, weeks, or even months <and yes even months can be an impatient patient choice>.

Such choices come up many times a day and time is a factor in virtually all of them.

It is a constant stream of choices. And each choice can mean the difference between speed & velocity.

It is easy to see how impatience can be abused if we regard life in today’s world as an almost unbroken fast moving river of choices/decisions of which they only represent different paths versus crossroads.

It is easy to see how with everything moving so fast all the time you can actually feel like you are speeding along even without making any good ROC choices. But 99 times out of a 100 there is little velocity, just movement.

———————–

Note:

Velocity is 2 dimensional in what you leverage from and then the choices you make to create a higher decision utility (ROC: Return on Choice). We believe having a distinct vivid brand, and bold brand message, insures your highest ROC .

………….. finite projects each focused on Velocity spur meaningful Progress ……..

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“Don’t confuse a flurry of activity for progress. That’s a magician’s trick.”

One of my past Bosses

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How often do we see a company doing lots and lots of shit yet we don’t really see any progress?

That’s a business in love with speed, not velocity.

That’s a business which justifies return off of ‘doing’, not progress.

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Velocity and speed are different things.

Speed is the distance traveled over time. I can run around in circles with a lot of speed and cover several miles that way, but I’m not getting anywhere. Velocity measures displacement. It’s direction-aware.

Farnam Street

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My obessesion with velocity means i embrace something called “The Velocity Zone.” The velocity zone has a direct relationship to ‘doing shit’ (progress type projects, not speed/stagnant projects) and “shit with distinction’ (distinct brand messaging & positioning, no ‘bla’/boring/meaninglessness). It is this combination which not embraces generating value but also the velocity necessary to consistently elevate value above competition and the sales associated with doing so.

Velocity

The enemy of velocity are the ‘to do’ lists are endless with lots checked-off, but never get shorter and the people who are working long hours but what is done never seems to create any meaningful progress.

This is speed while being stagnant. It’s like a hamster in a wheel. It’s not only unsatisfying for the people in the wheel, but the business itself doesn’t gain any satisfying results (although managers are usually quite creative in result presentations to make it seem like shit is moving everyone forward).

Velocity is always about decisions. What I mean by that is there is never any lacks of things to do in a business but some just aren’t worth doing.

Velocity projects fall into 2 slots:

• value creation initiatives which increase velocity of value offered
• velocity initiatives which increase the velocity of the organization itself & indirectly enhances value.

Choose your projects wisely. Velocity is all that matters.

Distinctiveness

Inherent to any velocity based progress is distinctiveness. All things being equal, being distinct insures multiplicative effect rather than simply an additive element to everything else happening. This doesn’t men you should seek to be bold or vivid in your positioning & messaging & branding just for the sake of doing so. What it means is that you walk as close to the edge of what your brand character/personality is and bring it to life in as vivid a way as possible. This means you are walking as far away from being ‘bla’ (meaningless gray) as possible.

Now.

Oddly a current business trend, collaboration, gets in the way of gaining desired distinction. Why? 2 reasons:

• leadership espouses collaboration but implements autocratic decision-making. This typically translates into ‘safe’ which typically translates into ‘bla.’
• the issue collaboration faces is many people think it equates to committee, consensus & incrementalism. Distinction SHOULD be a collaborative effort because the closer you get to the edge the more important it is that everyone believes the edge is a good place to be. But this is not a committee or consensus decision unless you seek to edge closer to ‘bla.’

—————–
“In my experience, committees can criticize, but they cannot create. Search the parks in all your cities You’ll find no statues of committees.”

David Ogilvy

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Choose your distinction wisely. Not all distinction is distinct, but being distinct matters.

The Velocity Zone

The Velocity Zone is easy to identify but, surprisingly, many businesses find it difficult to get to. they constantly select incremental progress projects inching up above stagnancy but never really getting any meaningful progress. They constantly dream of being distinct and, yet, pragmatically justify some minor attribute as being ‘bold’ trading the opportunity for distinct for ‘bla.’

There’s only one thing I can guarantee in business. The relationship between business success and the Velocity Zone. If you get in this zone, and stay in this zone you will progress. I will not guarantee you will succeed, but I can guarantee you will not fail.

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“It’s OK to live a life that others don’t understand.”

—

Unknown

<on pinterest, weheartit & instagram>

===

Ok. I am a big ‘find who you are and be it” person. Therefore what I am about to say may seem hypocritical, but I, personally, do not think so.

I don’t think its okay to live a Life that others don’t understand.

Yes.

I said that.

If you live a life that others don’t understand than it is not relatable to anyone. And I mean anyone. That goes far beyond ‘being unique’ or ‘standing up for what I believe in’ … it shifts into the ‘you are out of touch with reality’ zone. It means you may be living in a universe of One.

Look. I am certainly not suggesting you have to be what everyone wants or accepts. But I am suggesting that you have to at least be relatable in some form or fashion.

That is … well … having a touchstone with reality.

If you don’t have that, you are simply living a fantasy.

Uhm.

To be clear.

That ain’t good.

Do I believe most people get this <understand this>?       Sure.

But when I see quotes like I opened with used in blogs and instagram and pinterest and tumblr and notice how many thumbs ups & likes it has … well … I start wondering if we aren’t making sure young people have a clear perspective on what is truly meant by ‘being yourself is a good thing.’

I tend to believe we mishandle this discussion with young people more often than not.

We older folk either sit on one end of the see saw or the other and ground our ‘be yourself’ discussions on either ‘accept your quirks & flaws as your version of perfection’ or, conversely,  ‘here is how to be successful by doing a, b & c.’

We don’t do with this bad intent. I think we do it because this discussion is difficult. It is strewn with nuance and intangibles and vagaries.

Mostly I think we screw I up because we want our young people to ultimately be happy and not disappointed with their lives <and believe encouraging them to be themselves no matter what is an important path to doing so>.

That said … I do think at the root of our discussion we do need to take on ‘disappointment.’

Why?

Because there is a huge difference between being yourself and not having people understand who and what you are and being yourself and disappointing people.

On the latter … people can relate & can understand who and what you are and just choose to be disappointed in you. Therefore, in THEIR disappointment you can judge whether you care or not.

On the former … you have no evaluation of self. You are so far out of the realm of reality people cannot even be disappointed … nor appreciative … they are just … well … offering you nothing <note: this can sometimes lead to being disappointed in self>.

And, by the way, if you are receiving nothing externally then you have nothing from which to build upon internally <approval and acceptance is not the only nutrition necessary for a healthy esteem and worth. It is simply one part of the diet: professional aspirationalist>

Anyway.

This quote made me cringe. I would much rather we simply told our younger folk something like this:

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“Despite what you may believe, you can disappoint people and still be good enough.

You can make mistakes and still be capable and talented. You can let people down and still be worthwhile and deserving of love.

Everyone has disappointed someone they care about. Everyone messes up, lets people down, and makes mistakes.

Not because we’re inadequate or fundamentally inept, but because we’re imperfect and fundamentally human. Expecting anything different is setting yourself up for failure.”

Daniell Koepke

====

Within that quote it certainly permits a young person to embrace being unique … certainly suggests that being relatable in some way is healthy … and that participating in Life <being involved in some interaction and receiving response> is necessary as part of human nature.

I don’t want to make a big deal about this because for the most part I think we do a fairly good job of nudging our young people in the right direction. But. I am a firm believer in ‘teachable moments’ … taking opportunities as they arise to drive a deeper important message so that there is some cognitive connection <which is what really matters>.

I know I immediately turned around when I saw this quote and sent it to a larger group of teachers and mentors of the young and said I would write about it and that using the quote could be an effective way to say ‘I saw this and I was thinking about it.’

Why? Because I think a young person looks at the quote, likes the quote <on its surface>, but doesn’t really think about it on a deeper level. And any opportunity I can use something that a young person actually LIKES to make a point or create a discussion … well … I believe it is one of the most effective ways to create a connection to actually generate true listening.

And that is maybe one of the most important things we can think about when talking with young people … are we simply the teacher in Peanuts <wah … wah … wah > … or have we connected enough that there is true listening.

Anyway.

What I do know for sure is telling some young person that living a Life that no one understands is pretty bad advice.