live a Life no one understands
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“It’s OK to live a life that others don’t understand.”
—
Unknown
<on pinterest, weheartit & instagram>
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Ok. I am a big ‘find who you are and be it” person. Therefore what I am about to say may seem hypocritical, but I, personally, do not think so.
I don’t think its okay to live a Life that others don’t understand.
Yes.
I said that.
If you live a life that others don’t understand than it is not relatable to anyone. And I mean anyone. That goes far beyond ‘being unique’ or ‘standing up for what I believe in’ … it shifts into the ‘you are out of touch with reality’ 
zone. It means you may be living in a universe of One.
Look. I am certainly not suggesting you have to be what everyone wants or accepts. But I am suggesting that you have to at least be relatable in some form or fashion.
That is … well … having a touchstone with reality.
If you don’t have that, you are simply living a fantasy.
Uhm.
To be clear.
That ain’t good.
Do I believe most people get this <understand this>? Sure.
But when I see quotes like I opened with used in blogs and instagram and pinterest and tumblr and notice how many thumbs ups & likes it has … well … I start wondering if we aren’t making sure young people have a clear perspective on what is truly meant by ‘being yourself is a good thing.’
I tend to believe we mishandle this discussion with young people more often than not.
We older folk either sit on one end of the see saw or the other and ground our ‘be yourself’ discussions on either ‘accept your quirks & flaws as your version of perfection’ or, conversely, ‘here is how to be successful by doing a, b & c.’
We don’t do with this bad intent. I think we do it because this discussion is difficult. It is strewn with nuance and intangibles and vagaries.
Mostly I think we screw I up because we want our young people to ultimately be happy and not disappointed with their lives <and believe encouraging them to be themselves no matter what is an important path to doing so>.
That said … I do think at the root of our discussion we do need to take on ‘disappointment.’
Why?
Because there is a huge difference between being yourself and not having people understand who and what you are and being yourself and disappointing people.
On the latter … people can relate & can understand who and what you are and just choose to be disappointed in you. Therefore, in THEIR disappointment you can judge whether you care or not.
On the former … you have no evaluation of self. You are so far out of the realm of reality people cannot even be disappointed … nor appreciative … they are just … well … offering you nothing <note: this can sometimes lead to being disappointed in self>.
And, by the way, if you are receiving nothing externally then you have nothing from which to build upon internally <approval and acceptance is not the only nutrition necessary for a healthy esteem and worth. It is simply one part of the diet: professional aspirationalist>
Anyway.
This quote made me cringe. I would much rather we simply told our younger folk something like this:
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“Despite what you may believe, you can disappoint people and still be good enough.
You can make mistakes and still be capable and talented. You can let people down and still be worthwhile and deserving of love.
Everyone has disappointed someone they care about. Everyone messes up, lets people down, and makes mistakes.
Not because we’re inadequate or fundamentally inept, but because we’re imperfect and fundamentally human. Expecting anything different is setting yourself up for failure.”
Daniell Koepke
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Within that quote it certainly permits a young person to embrace being unique … certainly suggests that being relatable in some way is healthy … and that participating in Life <being involved in some interaction and receiving response> is necessary as part of human nature.
I don’t want to make a big deal about this because for the most part I think we do a fairly good job of nudging our young people in the right direction. But. I am a firm believer in ‘teachable moments’ … taking opportunities as they arise to drive a deeper important message so that there is some cognitive connection <which is what really matters>.
I know I immediately turned around when I saw this quote and sent it to a larger group of teachers and mentors of the young and said I would write about it and that using the quote could be an effective way to say ‘I saw this and I was thinking about it.’
Why? Because I think a young person looks at the quote, likes the quote <on its surface>, but doesn’t really think about it on a deeper level. And any opportunity I can use something that a young person actually LIKES to make a point or create a discussion … well … I believe it is one of the most effective ways to create a connection to actually generate true listening.
And that is maybe one of the most important things we can think about when talking with young people … are we simply the teacher in Peanuts <wah … wah … wah > … or have we connected enough that there is true listening.
Anyway.
What I do know for sure is telling some young person that living a Life that no one understands is pretty bad advice.
“Find yourself, Be it” .. I see alot of people looking too hard to find themselves,,,Finding little things they like and presenting it as if that defines them, using other people and things to define and/or identify themselves. maybe that’s not good advice either..Maybe we shouldn’t “Find yourself, Be it”. Maybe it’s better to just let yourself be.
“in order it find yourself, you must first lose yourself”. Yourself as the identity that the world and you have subconsciously put upon you. Lose it.. and ..
just do what feels true and authentic and empowers your soul.