I seem to spend a lot of time debating with some of my peers (old … ok … older people) about the attitude and actions of this generation of tweens.

They spend too much time on the computer.

They are lazy. They have a bored attitude.

All they do is play video games.

But, frankly, the biggest issue almost always appears to be the role the internet is now playing in children’s lives.

So.

That is a huge issue I could probably write a book on. This is just one post. I will keep it to one thought.

I vaguely remember being a tween (it was a long time ago) but I remember having lots of fragmented thoughts that seemed relatively thoughtful but I couldn’t articulate if you had paid me a million bucks. Today the web has created an environment for kids to articulate and hone their articulation skills as never before.

In a separate post I comment on a thought a lecturer had suggesting that the influence of the internet on kids is that they won’t cognitively form their own opinions or thoughts instead they will just use other people’s opinions and thoughts. I disagreed. I believe the web has given kids an enormous learning platform to assimilate different thinking and help them take fragmented thoughts in their own head and put them together in an insightful articulation. In fact I believe the fact that kids today have access to such a wide variety of other people’s thoughts & opinions they actually have a better cognitive thinking process. They can better assess their own personal thoughts as good versus bad than ever before.

Yeah. yeah. yeah. So I went around looking for proof points for this. Let me tell you. If you look on the web you will find some of the most amazingly insightful well articulated thoughts you have ever experienced. Kids today are smarter and more insightful and I would argue more capable of articulating their thoughts then, at minimum, my generation of kids. That doesn’t mean they are more mature (although I do believe in some ways they are) but that they are well on their way to becoming a generation of effective communicators. In a way that us old folk may chafe over but better figure out a way of accepting.

These two examples may have come from one of the most unlikely locations I could have ever envisioned. An emo skateboarder site that is peppered with music talk that was so far over my head (I am not sure I knew one band) and the rest of the conversation amongst them was in a language I would need a translator to get me through a conversation. And then. I scanned the stuff they posted. Awesome.

Never doubt that within this generation of kids is smart insightful thinking.

I would also ask everyone to question their doubt of the influence of the web and video on this generation. While these are just two examples the internet is strewn with examples of like these where kids show their ability to dig down a little deeper into why they feel the way they feel. And thoughts on life.

Anyway. I saw these and just started writing.

Headline:

“Under fire, British store withdraws sale of padded bikinis for 7-year-olds”

So.

The British clothing chain Primark responding to scathing criticism from politicians and children’s groups has withdrawn its sale of a line of padded bikinis for girls as young as seven. The bikini sets, with a $9 price tag, came in candy pink with gold stars and black with white polka dots.

(oh my)

Primark said, “Every girl wants to look her best and at Primark we make no exception for the younger ladies, all the high fashion trends can be found in our Girlswear section, no matter what age you are.” (double oh my)

Ok.

And what were they thinking?

Ok.

Maybe better said “were they thinking?”

One of the best comments I have ever seen was from opinion buffett who said “Wonder if Speedo will start offering padding for little boys swimwear.”

I admit.

On this one I cannot even envision how the conversation went with regard to not only investing money developing this line of products let alone marketing the products.

I have to assume some relatively smart marketing people said “absolutely. There is a market for this product line.”

I have to assume some product/brand line manager said “the numbers support it. This will round out our store offerings.”

I have to assume some senior management person said “Let’s go for it.”

I have to assume stupid pills were served as snacks in the meeting.

New product innovations are part science, part process, part art and part luck (or maybe better said “nutsy unreasonable slightly lucky vision”).

I have a whole white paper on effective new product innovations process. And I do believe a rigorous process assists in less wasted time on stupid or non profitable ideas. Of course there should be a plan.

But.

Process always runs a parallel path with creativity and some “gut.”

Ok.

Having seen and worked with probably THE best consumer product innovations group in the world (the Proctor & Gamble innovations group) I have seen some of the wackiest ideas up on the white board. But. In the end all the research in the world and all the sales projection numbers in world are balanced against one HUGE constant (not a variable) … common sense.

Seems to me that someone left common sense at home the day they discussed this idea in the office.

So someone pointed out the common sense and they have discontinued the line.

But.

As a UK Democrat congresswoman said, “Primark’s decision is welcome but how on earth could they have thought that this was a good idea in the first place?”

But.

Maybe the scariest thing? some people were buying the product. One mother said “well, she wanted to be like one of the big girls.”

Hey. I am not a parent. But don’t they stop being little girls soon enough as it is?

“There are only four types of officer. First, there are the lazy, stupid ones. Leave them alone, they do no harm…Second, there are the hard- working, intelligent ones. They make excellent staff officers, ensuring that every detail is properly considered. Third, there are the hard- working, stupid ones. These people are a menace and must be fired at once. They create irrelevant work for everybody. Finally, there are the intelligent, lazy ones. They are suited for the highest office.”

General Erich Von Manstein

Every once in awhile you come across an intriguing quote from an unexpected source. Von Manstein was a Prussian general. I don’t know. I guess I never thought a Prussian would link laziness to any possible option for positive words or beliefs.

And I guess I find it interesting that a general would recognize the aspects of leadership so well.

One implication he certainly communicates is that you want to build the average intelligence up in your organization (regardless of their work ethic).

Another implication is the interesting mix of thinkers and doers and the common characteristics within an effective “officer group” (think management team in an organization).

Regardless, he is suggesting the best staff (organization) is a mix of lazy & hard working intelligent people (boy … I wish I could have had Erich visit a couple of business owners I have known).

I would imagine I find this interesting because in today’s world I feel organizations tend to reward diligence more so than smarts, or intellectual curiosity, and certainly more so than ‘laziness’ (even of you are smarter than a whip).

Current business operations acumen is one of which reward and evaluation systems dominate. And that is regardless of the actual importance of thought and reflection to the long term organization’s success (despite the fact thought/reflection has been proven to wither in an evaluation/reward system).

So. To translate. In our world you are better off looking busy than looking like you are thinking thereby organizations encourage diligence at the expense of reflection/laziness.

This even though “reflection” can be fulfilling intellectual curiosity by gathering information and gathering facts and things like that (so you could be more effective “hard working”).

Thinking, reflection or even ‘laziness’ isn’t acceptable in the working world today because it isn’t “productive.” Or measurable. Or can be counted (this is a parallel with my ‘not everything that can be counted counts’ post).

Hey. I have been tempted throughout this entire post to be sarcastic or be cynical and I believe I have been very good at avoiding it up to this point (just want to point all of that out. Don’t worry. I think in my next post I will make up some of the ground I just lost on the cynical battlefront).

Anyway. Every once in awhile we can look to some past learning and gain some insights for today. Even from some guy who looks like he has a stick up his ass and hasn’t smiled in his entire life. Oh. But could manage an army to kick any army’s butt it fought. So. Maybe this guy knew what he was talking about.

Well.

When is saw this illustration I was fascinated with the different interpretations.

Is it fear of flying?

Is it fear of control?

Is it just the fear of letting go (any way you look at it)?

Is it letting go of the kite and giving that up.

Or is letting go of what is holding you to the ground.

I love this little illustration.

Life is just like that kite.

Everyone gets one (at least one) in life. You either decide to fly it, fly with it or let it go at some point.

Regardless of your personal choice my only wish is we make sure every child has a kite and learns to fly a kite.

For they need to know that it is okay to fly.

Ok.

Here is the thought: I believe if all single guys had to go through a birthing class the world would be a better place (particularly for women).

This begins my story of how I have a certificate for taking a birthing class (and I am a single, never married with no children guy).

Maribeth and Phil were really good married friends of mine (another story will be the 12 straight blind dates they set me up on).  Maribeth was in the advertising business like me. Phil did something else (do we ever really know what our friends do?). Maribeth got pregnant (via Phil but I didn’t ask any details). Phil was doing his job (whatever it was) and had to leave Mondays and come back Fridays. Birthing classes were Wednesdays I believe.

So Phil and Maribeth asked if I could attend birthing class with Maribeth and then I could pass along the guy version of what happened to Phil over the weekend to prepare him for the ultimate ‘gig.’

I guess the sticky wicket was always going to be “the day” and what happened if Phil couldn’t make it. Thank god that crisis was averted.

So … every Wednesday night Maribeth and I went to the hospital to attend this several week birthing class.

Introductions were interesting the first day.

In general everyone was a little confused on who I was and the relationship to the Phil/Maribeth relationship (I am fairly sure a couple of guys thought there was some threesome thing going on which creeped both Maribeth and I out).

But everyone moved along pretty quickly as we got down to the nuts and bolts of what the baby does to a woman’s body.

Whew.

Okay.

What this baby thing does to a woman’s body.

Suffice it to say I would rather Mike Tyson hit me in the stomach than endure the effect a baby would have on my body. And that would be the number one thing I believe every single guy should start with understanding.

Beyond that.

I have to tell you. Maribeth and I had a blast considering the seriousness of the discussion. Maybe it’s because we were both in the marketing business, but we probably analyzed what was said and why it was said that way more than was probably healthy. Phil would often have to bring us back “on point” in our debrief discussions.

During the class there were definitely some awkward moments with regard to the whole coaching and coaxing thing but I sometimes believe the fact she and I laughed so much reminded the rest of the class that having some fun was … well… more fun than worrying.

Shit.

Some of the dads were so uptight I was a little unclear how conception happened in the first place. The class – which I assume is pretty much the same everywhere – kinda works to get the partners in sync with what is happening with the pregnancy and birth. I imagine it is a nice way to eliminate some of the surprises at “the event” as well as gives some nice fallback tricks when you don’t know what else to do. And the class culminates in a video of three actual births (here is the marketing guy in me). The video strategically begins with a “problem birth,” switches to a “difficult but healthy birth” and finally to an “easy healthy birth” (they always want to finish on a high note).

Okay.

Let me be clear about the video. From a bachelor point of view they were all brutal to watch. And I appreciated the mix, but it kind of all made me think being a monk may not be all that bad. Once again. A very good lesson for any single “in your 20’s” guy (it also may be a great recruiting tool for the church).

Anyway.

It was an amazing experience.

Basically I netted out two things (although I learned much much more than this):

–          Having a baby as a couple is an amazing thing. It wasn’t even my baby but I found myself pretty astounded by the capacity and sometimes overwhelming care which creeped into the moment. Every guy would be served well to understand that even if they don’t have a kid. It is an amazing thing to experience even peripherally.

–          Having a baby fucks up a woman’s body. I saw things and pictures and videos that sobered me up pretty quickly on my relatively casual attitude with regard to sex.

So I still have my little paper certificate.

It probably cost 5 cents on their copier machine but it is kinda valuable to me. I have lost touch with Phil and Maribeth but that experience will always define my friendship with them. I believe the class matured me a little. And I believe most single guys in their 20’s would benefit from the experience.

“There is an interest in that which is hidden and which the visible does not show us. This interest can take the form of a quite intense feeling, a sort of conflict, one might say, between the visible that is hidden and the visible that is present.”

René Magritte, on his painting The Son of Man.

I love this thought. The fact that the invisible is worth seeking is all by itself a HUGE thought.

I think there is a big place in the world for tangible visible things. Its nice to be able to actually get your hands on things … real tangible visible things. It becomes easier to wrap your head around that which is truly visible.

But.

What makes life interesting is that which is not visible. The stuff that reaches into your gut or makes your head tingle or maybe make your heart beat a little faster. Something invisible that creates a tangible visceral response. That’s the stuff that makes life worth living.

And, I imagine, in this search for that which is hidden you may actually find what you were seeking in the first place. Crazy thought, huh?

I am not really sure I need to add anything to this.

Ok. Yes. I do.

We learn very early in life that happiness is really really important in life. And then somewhere along the way other crap seems to rise up and block out that memory. Or maybe those things stand taller than happiness and block out the view. I don’t know. Suffice it to say I think we forget how important happiness is.

Or how elusive it is if you don’t pay enough attention to it. I know I cannot give anyone any advice on this. I am not qualified to do so. Because I know for certain that I have lost sight of it on occasion. But then I read things like this and I remember. Maybe that’s the advice. Remind people when you get a chance. Because if you do they will remember what is important.

Doubt.

I have written a three part series about this thing called doubt <which I believe we all face and fight>.

Links to all are at end of post.

Anyway.

I began thinking about doubt because of a couple of very personal self doubt, self direction writings from a delightfully talented 20something Jamie.

She reminded me of the sometimes overwhelming doubt minefield we traverse through life.

She also reminded me of a delightfully talented and funny guy, Josh Kilmer Purcell, who I truly admired and liked when I worked with him who wrote one of the most painfully insightful personal books (I Am Not Myself These Days: A Memoir) on the dangers one can encounter in the minefield.

<I recommend this disturbing book>

She also reminded me to look around and see who I knew who may be struggling thru the minefield now in their life.

So.

I wrote.

Some from personal experience.

Some from having managed dozens of people and caring about them as people not just business employees.

Some writing just from the heart.

Okay.

Maybe all from the heart.

Anyway.

Thanks Jamie.

You got me started.

And you?

Keep moving forward.

You are doing just fine.

Just like me at your age you may explode a couple of those mines and sometimes it may feel like you have had your ass blown up but the odds are if you are still moving … your ass is fine.

======

About Self Doubt

==

About Other’s Doubt

==

Crushed between internal and external Doubt

==

Line between Confidence and Overestimated Ego

Whew.

Self doubt.

Trying to shut the whisper of shut the whisper of self doubt out is often one of life’s biggest challenges.

Here is some free advice.

Doubt is like your shadow. It’s always there. Especially on sunny days. Just accept it. It goes wherever you go.

But.

Next piece of advice.

So what.

It’s just your shadow.

So.

With that cryptic piece of advice out of the way here is what made me think about self doubt <and I have written about what I call ‘others doubt’ as a companion post>:

Jamie the 20something says:

——-

It’s like you want something so badly that it becomes a part of every single second of your day and you want it so badly that you feel like you’re walking this very thin tightrope without a net below you. Like, you’re so vulnerable and so empowered and so on fire that it’s frightening, but, I mean, what else are you going to do? Stop wanting it? Er, pretend to stop wanting it? Stop wanting something because you want it so bad that the worry of potential disappointment is stronger than the hope of potential success?

I mean, what the hell do you do?

——-

So.

Without even using the word doubt Jamie talks to us about it.

The pressure to want ‘to do something’ and the vulnerability that comes along with the actual doing (okay … maybe better said … the ‘trying’).

Often the difficulty is discerning the amount of truth in your own self doubt.

It becomes important to discern the true amount … because slivers can look like entire houses if you are not careful.

But truth is difficult because … whether you like it or not … not everything in life is possible <no matter how those inspirational posters tell you so>.

Hard work and focus can solve some things and cannot solve some others.

For example … if you don’t have the hand-eye coordination to hit a 100mph fastball you just cannot be a baseball player.

If you don’t have a natural gift of speaking at best you will always have that unnatural stiffness of practiced speaking.

‘Modest doubt’ is a good thing.

——–

“Modest doubt is called the beacon of the wise. “
William Shakespeare

——–

Sometimes self doubt is a reality check. Just make sure you don’t ignore a small dose of reality.

The next level of self doubt is separating doubt from fear of the attempt and fear of failure.

Whew. This is really difficult.

Doubt has a nasty habit of sneaking in as you assess ‘what to do’ based on your self perceived strengths and real strengths <or weaknesses if you want to take that road>.

This is where self doubt gets tricky <or challenging>.

Self doubt can freeze you into inaction. And inaction can take place in a variety of ways because it is a sly little devil.

Be careful ‘inaction doubt’ doesn’t hide itself somewhere in the ‘I don’t have enough information yet’ or ‘I will do it when I gain some more experience’ or even ‘I don’t know where to start’ phrases of fear of attempt.

Sure.

Some of the ‘inaction doubts’ have a shred of truth … but if you are waiting for everything to be all lined up to say ‘go’, well, you may as well decide now it ain’t ever gonna happen.

Anyway.

I imagine the best thought may be that rarely does something really bad happen because of the attempt.

You can’t hide from life.

You can’t really hide from self doubt.

You have to live Life and accept <some> self doubt as a partner in crime as you live Life.

Especially if you ever want even a chance to reach your dreams or aspirations.

And the attempt will almost always be despite the doubts <for 100% certainty is simple foolishness>.

So.

In the end how do you deal with self doubt?

Keep moving. Do. Do stuff. Take action. Stagnancy breeds doubt <just like stagnant water breeds mosquitoes>.

——–

“Action will remove the doubt that theory cannot solve”

Pehyl Hsieh

——–

Oh.

One last thought (in a post strewn with quotes):

——-

“If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.”

Francis Bacon

——–

Hmmmmmmmmmmm … maybe, in the end, a little self doubt isn’t bad.

Just a little.

So.

Other’s doubt.

Look.

There is a big <huge> difference between self doubt and the quiet persistence of doubt found within other people’s whispers.

Let’s call this external doubt.

They don’t have to shout it. (but it can be shouted)

It can be a word someone slips in to something they say to you. (or it can be whole paragraphs)

It can be a throwaway sentence from someone (just thrown out without feeling its depth by the person saying it).

You’ve probably been there.

You want to do … something. Anything. Just go forward. You have this building enthusiasm to go “do.”

Then you find out that your parents, friends, and people who care for you <these are the most personal> or business associates question what you want to do.

Uhm.

“Question.” Let’s say they are politely doubting you and what you want to do.

Their doubt can be driven by a variety of things.

It may be real worry about your future.

It may be something absolutely nothing to do with you.

But.

Unfortunately … what this means is … unbeknownst to you … others have created demons for you.

———

“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”

Shel Silverstein

———

Look.

Everyone is entitled to have their own thoughts whether they say they don’t believe in you <or your ideas> or not.

That’s cool.

And as a matter of fact that’s life.

Life is all about being caught inbetween the fact you believe what you believe to be true … and they believe what they believe to be true.

And sometimes it is easier to just tell yourself “so what … that’s their opinion” and walk away and go do something … then try and convince them otherwise.

But. Back to the ‘created demons’ thing.

External doubt is a tough one.

It may be even tougher then self doubt.

Because mainly because you cannot really control it <even if you are successful>. Inevitably there is always someone somewhere who no matter how brilliant the idea is who will inevitably find something negative.

They can be really creative in doing so. They use factoids and statistics … they can use ignorance … they can use personal beliefs. And the really tricky ones are the most loved ones.

Unfortunately parents often fall into this category. They mean well because they just want you to be successful. But depending on your age they elect to shovel the semi-truth factoid shit at you <okay … it doesn’t really matter on their age> they are your parents and even though not using the word ‘doubt’ they are doubting you can do what you are thinking you want to do.

Believing in something you want to do or believing in yourself when there are external doubts <or doubters> is tough.

It’s like a kick in the gut.

It’s deflating.

And maybe even more concerning … it can be tiring, emotionally and physically, and lonely <even though not everyone externally may doubt you those few can still isolates you slightly>.

But.

Somehow you put the Kevlar vest on and take the bullets and move on.

I guess at some point you just need to figure out what insulates you from external doubt crap and move <because … frankly & pragmatically … if you move … you are more difficult to be hit by doubts>. At some point you need to see your vision so crystal clear that you’ll laugh off the external doubters.

Or even you cannot laugh at least you are moving toward something so maybe you can just ignore them.

Because external doubt can slow you down like barnacles on a ship.

Moving forward.

Going.

Movement.

I admit. This next quote is about me. It fits my personality:

——–

“The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it but that it is too low and we reach it.”

Michelangelo

——-

I love this quote. It is a reminder to me that sometimes getting what you want isn’t really what you want. Look. I understand that some people like to reach some goals because it shows progress. I am not one of those people. I like aiming high and hoping someday I can attain it and constantly working toward that objective.

To work your way through external doubt you gotta figure out your path. Mine may work for you. Small goals may work for you. Doesn’t matter. Every time you do one more of what works for you the external doubts have less and less credibility.

In the end I guess I could suggest (and I believe the psychologist world would probably say this) but it comes down to proving it to yourself. And that cannot happen if you are frozen and not moving. Cause it doesn’t matter how many people will tell you that you can’t make it or do something that you have your sights on. It really only matters what you believe and what you do.

Yeah.

It’s on you.

You prove to yourself first and let all the other stuff just happen.

But.

It is a damn good motivator to get some revenge on the people who say you couldn’t <or subtly suggested you couldn’t> by doing it.

External doubt is just one of the hurdles life throws at us.

Even if you don’t want be a hurdler you still have to figure out how to navigate them.

There is no sense bitching that there are hurdles.

Just get going and start the race.