====

“… if you look beyond the tumult of sensational headlines and well-publicized atrocities, there’s a quiet trend of improvement throughout the world.

But although it’s sometimes drowned out by the drumbeat of fear-mongering, the progress that gives rise to hope is real and ongoing.

Adam Lee

====

As we near another Christmas I don’t know if it is because I associate hope and hopefulness with Christmas or that I tend to pay attention more to the good things happening in the world (the sometimes unnoticed small steps of progress) than I do the bombastic voices of ‘everything is bad’, but despite all the noisy shitshow stuff happening, I do believe there is a quiet trend of improvement happening before our eyes.

I say that recognizing it is tough to be optimistic these days. And I don’t mean because of what is actually happening in today’s world, but rather because if you are optimistic you run the significant risk of being trampled by a herd of cynicism, pessimism and those unwilling to believe the future can be better than the past. That said. I believe the bigger challenge we face is a general reluctance to believe people can change or should be forgiven.

There is a quiet voice of positive being overwhelmed by a loud voice of ‘nothing can be good’

I mention this because I just reread an old Pope Francis Christmas homily. It was positive, hopeful, instructive and a request that we look beyond decadence and selfishness in order to raise all of human kind to a better place.

It is the kind of message you would hope a religious leader would give.

And then I made the naïve mistake of scanning the comments underneath the article <in several papers>. An overwhelming amount of comments were negative.

Either they:

<a> suggested the message was misguided <somehow some people saw it as anti-capitalism>,

<b> suggested the Pope was a hypocrite <because he represents a church with millions in assets>,

<c> the church had no basis to offer hope because of past transgressions or

<d> religion is bad and therefore what religious people say is simply fantasy <even if it is a good message>.

It is like people were seeking reason to not accept the positive message.

Let’s be clear. The Catholic Church and its history is strewn with moments of sin. And, yet, the Church has a Pope who not only accepts it, but is trying own its history. Should we judge an organization by the moments of transgression & sin <albeit they can be heinous transgressions on occasion> or by the true intent & soul of the organization and its voice for the future? That is a big question with an answer bigger than I can offer.

That said.

I find it disheartening that we cannot accept positiveness and hope without trying to burden it with cynicism or pessimism.

I find it disheartening we can’t accept heroic acts from non heroic people – when we view them in totality.

Good is good.

Hope is hope.

Heroic acts can be done by flawed people.

We shouldn’t discredit the words or the thoughts as we seek to diminish the bearers of the words & thoughts. Maybe we should seek to find the good in what someone says rather than find reasons to point out why the words are flawed or the deliverer is some insincere fraud.

This leads me to the bearers of the words & thoughts.

– Changing to do something good is being slowed by people who suggest someone cannot change.

====

“People tell you who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be.”

Mad Men

====

Well. Surely doing good today doesn’t absolve you from something you did bad yesterday. And, yet, I could argue those who have made bad mistakes in the past, and recognize them as bad, are most likely the most qualified to lead today.

I scan the headlines of the papers and there are a shitload of flawed people saying a bunch of smart, positive, hopeful things.

I scan the headlines of the papers and I see article after article diminishing the people who are saying these things by pointing out past transgressions or their ‘lack of consistency’ with regard to their beliefs <so why should we believe their positive thoughts>.

Smart flawed people, who maybe had flawed ideas in the past, are often smart enough to realize they need to change or make changes.

I would like to point out that the difficulty seems to arise not in the person who has changed, but in those around the changer/doer. While the best of the best changers seek to build the new, ignoring the old, we the people, continuously fight back with the old.

Can someone actually leave the old baggage behind and move on to do better things? <a question we should all be asking ourselves in today’s world>

We seem hell bent on not letting people even try to change.

I would like to remind people of several things:

Andrew Carnegie, whose Pinkerton men shot down workers at the Homestead strike in Pittsburgh, also left the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace and an international network of public libraries.

John D Rockefeller, whose use of troops against Colorado mineworkers led to scores of deaths, including of women and children, created his foundation, so creative for young people worldwide.

Alfred Nobel, arms manufacturer and “marchand de mort extraordinaire”, set up the peace prize.

Regardless. I fully understand why some people want to hold on to the ‘better days of the past’ and nostalgically wish we could go back to many of what are perceived as ‘better ways of doing things.’

It is natural and, honestly, comforting. But I don’t understand why we far too often hold on to the ‘bad things from the past’ and pessimism/cynicism and constantly burden people who, sincerely, want to do good things, show change, and offer a better version of themselves with the intent to create a better version of the world.

Far too many people today do not see much to be upbeat about. They simply see a lot of existing problems getting worse. And because of that they are tending to gather around anyone promising a return to an imaginary past era of greatness.

Some of the best leaders today are those who were in the past, and in the past flawed, and now are new versions of themselves and do not want to return t some past but try and create a new future.

People change.

We should allow them to change.

Especially if they are one of the valuable few who see the good and hopeful and optimistic in the world. For they are the ones capable of showing us light when dark can appear to be winning. In fact, many of these people accept the quite improvements, enable the quiet improvements, and facilitate the progress that humankind deserves. Maybe we just need to stop the noise and start quietly embracing good improvement. Ponder.

====

“So the universe is not quite as you thought it was.


You’d better rearrange your beliefs, then. Because you certainly can’t rearrange the universe.”

Isaac Asimov

====

We talk about changing the world and ‘rocking the universe’ not only when young, but in discussions where we are thinking about maximizing our potential or maybe we do it simply to convince ourselves we can do something that matters.

In other words …

We have a plan.

Ok. Maybe its not a specific step-by-step plan, but we have a general schematic of a plan which showcases key lines and dimensions of what, where and how.

It is kind of a rough blueprint sketched out on a cocktail napkin.

Uhm.

But then some stranger randomly puts their drink on your napkin and the ink runs a little and there is an obnoxious ring cutting thru a key line or two. In other words, things get a bit fuzzy.

In other words, basically the universe you had planned against has conspired against you in a seemingly random way.

Yeah.

The universe is as it is. Despite all your wishes and dreams and desires to disturb or disrupt the universe you, well, you cannot. The universe arranges itself without consulting you or your plans.

That doesn’t mean you don’t have any control of what happens to you nor does it mean you shouldn’t attempt to shape things so you may achieve what you desire, it is just that sometimes you need to rearrange your beliefs.

Now. I write a shitload about maintaining you character and the core of who and what you are as well as maintaining a focus on the more important things <because a shitload of unimportant things are gonna be bright shiny objects that can easily distract you>.

To be clear. The universe is not something that is distracting; it is a consistently inconsistent environment in which distractions appear. Despite that, you need to stay the course of who & what you are and all the while rearranging some of your beliefs with regard to … well … what I will call ‘strategy & tactics.’

Simplistically, in my mind, you reside in this consistent inconsistent universe maintaining your individual ‘brand essence’ <distinctly different than personal branding> and grounded in a sense of purpose, i.e., what you want to contribute and maybe an idea of what matters to you, and rearranging your strategy & tactics to accommodate the universe.

This may sound intellectually challenging and mentally tiring and … well … a lot of work <when you were kind of hoping Life would be a little simpler>.

Well.

It is kind of tiring.

But that is kind of the price of living a full Life, well, okay, maybe at least some kind of ‘non-stagnant’ life.

I imagine everyone has a choice.

Try and stand still and weather the universe as it rearranges itself or attempt to move <forward, sideways, diagonally, or whatever direction you can  – because progress is not always ‘forward’>.

Most of us?

We just go on.

We step forward, backwards, diagonally and sideways, all with an eye on whatever version of progress we may have in our heads.

We do so because … well … what is the alternative?

====

“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you.  You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way. “

Elizabeth Taylor

Anyway.

It is quite possible that the business of living is grounded in the thought of ‘rearranging your beliefs’ because the universe is certainly not going to rearrange its beliefs.

Ponder <but do some rearranging while doing so>.

Capitalism is a ruthless psychological motherfucker.

What I mean by that is almost any sane, quasi-reflective , person will sit back at some point and ask the question ‘when I got duped into becoming an accumulator of things?”

Try this on for size:

“… we, and by that I mean most of humanity since the Neolithic, have been duped into believing that life must be lived by accumulating. This is simply an ideological lie. Is it impossible to imagine a world lived by the economics of the gift? Even the most cursory look at various enduring cultures around the world shows us that people (who are left alone to do so) living lives according to deeper principles are more content, more spiritually rounded, less troubled by existential angst, than by westerners tricked into believing in the ideologies of power and wealth.” 

comment in The Guardian about Materialism

Well. I will begin with acknowledging there is a shitload of psychological research that seems to support the fact that materialism <accumulating shit> doesn’t make us happier <psychologically>. The gobs of research suggests that materialism, a characteristic that reaches both rich and poor and researchers define as “a value system that is preoccupied with possessions and the social image they project”, is both socially destructive and self-destructive.

It’s associated with stress, anxiety, depression and even how personal relationships can be affected.

In fact there has long been a correlation observed between materialism, a lack of empathy and engagement with others, and unhappiness and research is reinforcing this by showing causation.

For example, a series of studies published in the journal Motivation and Emotion showed that as people become more materialistic, their wellbeing <good relationships, autonomy, sense of purpose and the rest> diminishes.

As they become less materialistic, unhappiness rises.

I say all of this to say … well … Nuts.

Nuts to the comment I began with.

Nuts that maybe I should be smarter.

Nuts that maybe I have been duped.

Its all a bunch of crap.

I haven’t been duped.

I have a mind of my own.

And do I really not know when I am unhappy? <and why I may be unhappy>

Yup.

Ok.

For the most part … yup.

I believe most of us understand that it is a dreadful mistake allowing ourselves to believe that having just having more money and more stuff enhances our wellbeing.

Oddly, despite the fact we poor everyday schmucks know this, this ‘have more’ belief appears to not only be embraced by those poor deluded people in movies, but by almost every member of almost every government <and civilization>.

How can this be?

Worldly ambition, material aspiration, perpetual growth … taken in and of itself … is a formula for mass unhappiness and, yet, it seems to be the main plot for almost every narrative out there.

That said. I have not been duped.

If I enter the rat race then I have chosen to be a rat.

If I choose to compete with the Joneses than I have chosen to be one of the Joneses.

Society hasn’t duped me into doing so.

Business hasn’t duped me into doing so.

Social media hasn’t duped me into doing so.

I am certainly not suggesting that all of the above aren’t relentlessly attempting to dupe me into believing all their bullshit, but, if I decide to follow an ‘ideology of wealth and power’ than that is my choice.

And you know what?

For the most part I don’t have to choose that game if I don’t want and I can still be successful.

Do I believe the game is rigged in some form or fashion?

Yes.

Do I believe that the game is easier won if you decide to play the wealth & power game?

You bet.

Not choosing to do so is like swimming against the tide in some form or fashion. It’s not easier, but it can still be done.

But the bottom line.

Do I feel like I have been duped into becoming an accumulator? Shit no.

If I truly believed that then I disregard free will, free choice and self-interest <balancing moral and material>.

Do I believe there should be a balance of moralism and materialism?

Absolutely.

But.

Here’s the deal.

Having a thread of materialism tends to make a better society through creating better and smarter stuff <innovation> and businesses attempting to address real human needs..

That last sentence will not go down well with some people but, yes, i am suggesting consumption can drive some innovation.

But being duped? C’mon. I am not buying it.

I think I am smart enough <and most people> not to accumulate stupid thinking.

=====

Everyone was born with a limited amount of fucks to give.

During your teenage years you give a ton and slowly give less and less from there.

just shower thoughts

=====

When I saw this quote had to sit back and think.

Why?

Because I could read it two ways.

First.

As you get older you just get worn down and just stop giving a fuck about a lot of things.

Second.

As you get older you learn that not everything deserves ‘giving a fuck’ and you give less, but, you should give more of a fuck when you do.

I pondered this a little.

And then I got curious and found that if you type “give a fuck” in google search you will get about 4,610,000 results (0.38 seconds), but … here is the interesting thing  … you get page after page on ‘philosophy <or ‘the art’> of not giving a fuck.’

Basically the internet is strewn with articles and advice on how to not give a fuck. How crazy is that? It is almost like the google world is attempting to offer some extraordinary justification for being indifferent, to actually practice being indifferent, which, in my mind, is maybe a different slant on how to be a complete moron.

I mean, c’mon, if we really only have a limited amount of fucks to give, well, wouldn’t you expect some really good advice on how to prioritize and parse them out? I say that because it seems like we could all use some good advice with regard to knowing when to give a fuck and when not to give a fuck.

I will say one thing about giving a fuck. Caring about shit is the essence of Life.

Ok. Maybe two things.

Caring and actively engaging in shit is the essence of Life <I actually called it RSVP and Life once>.

But. The moment you become indifferent, the moment you just don’t give a fuck, well, there is no Life. There is no heartbeat. Life is dead.

I am certainly not going to suggest you care about everything. I will not because I agree that we do not have an unlimited amount of fucks to give. But it just doesn’t make sense to not care.

Now. Life does a fairly good job of suggesting not giving a fuck is a much easier way of living Life.

Life is full of a lot of shit we don’t understand.

Life is full of a lot of things that just do not seem to make sense.

Life is full of a lot of things that just doesn’t seem logical.

Life is full of a lot of things that seem different than what you want or think about.

Life is full of a lot of questions and a lot fewer answers than we want.

Life is full of a lot of answers that don’t really solve anything.

Life is full of a lot of things that make you scratch your head and say “I never understood why.”

All of those things seem like “slow” as in “a lot of shit that will slow me down from getting to where I want to go and getting what I want to get.”

I imagine after reading that list and my last sentence many people may think “then why give a fuck.”

Well. Because none of those things make Life any ‘less’ or any less meaningful. They just make it a little less certain. They just make things a little more risky. They just make it all a little less straightforward.

In fact I could suggest that almost all Life throws at you could fall into the “WTF category”. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give a fuck.

Anyway. I agree with the opening quote. I don’t believe we have an unlimited amount of fucks to give. That doesn’t mean we only have one or two just that they are not unlimited.

But that doesn’t mean you should embrace the thought “well, I have no more fucks to give … so … I just don’t give a fuck about anything anymore.” Nor should it mean you should start seeking opportunities to not give a fuck under the belief it will help you get what you want and where you want to be faster.

Look. Here is what I know about giving a fuck.

If you give enough of a fuck about your life, and trust it to give a fuck about you on occasion, well, a fuck of a lot of good things can happen if you just fucking go out and work hard. Ponder.

=====================

“Culture is an elevated expression of the inner voice which the different peoples of the Earth have heard in the depths of their being, a voice which conveys the vibrant compassion and wisdom of the cosmic life. For different cultures to engage in interaction is to catalyze each other’s souls and foster mutual understanding.”

Daisaku Ikeda

==================

Let me get my main points out of the way:

• I believe, unequivocally, businesses should operate in ways that are conducive to a healthy planet and healthier society.
• I don’t believe businesses need to market such operations and initiative. In addition, i DON’T recommend they do so unless they are 100% committed to it. not 99%, 100%.
• Despite gobs of research suggesting young people (Millennials) prefer buying from businesses associated with sustainability & causes I don’t believe the majority would actually pay more nor do I believe it is a true deep-seated ‘preference’ (it is more about assuaging ‘guilt’ – read on for explanation).
• I believe business people confuse Purpose, purpose of a business, causes, environmental responsibility, and a myriad of well intended business actions all the time to the detriment of the action itself.

Anyway. Let me get to my points. There is a lot of research coming out suggesting the importance of Causes & Social Involvement <conflated with Purpose> in consumer choices and what they value. At its most base level this discussion is about cultural & societal concepts tied to future desires <and behavior> of people. It is kind of guessing <in an educated thoughtful way> how people will want to behave with regard to larger Planet-type issues and discussing what behavior will make them happy <from a Maslow type perspective> in the future <and the value associated with it>.

This is good type thinking, not simply mental masturbation.

By the way. Thinking about the future type stuff can be Jetsons type pie in the sky type thinking or it can be more pragmatic ‘rising generations with existing perceptions and how will they act in the future’ type thinking. I tend to be more pragmatic. I do so because it is fun. It is fun in that every every generation rising <young to old> rebel against the norms & ‘standards’ of the older more established generations and as we view ‘trends’ & research it becomes easy to confuse simple rebellion rhetoric and true desires that affect behavior.

Regardless. The windows exist and if you can identify the underlying attitudinal shifts you can be successful by offering things that tap into this attitude <and you can reap the benefits of their behavior>.

Let me get the contrarian conclusion out of the way:

• most people only care about Causes & planet to a point (despite what they say). The majority of young people say they care about Causes with regard to brand choice is out of guilt, not depth of caring. This is NOT to suggest social causes & caring about the planet & sustainability are not important, just that there is a gap between that importance to a individual and other things that matter when decide to make choices & do things. Altruism has limits to the everyday people and the everyday purchase.
• most people care about personal wealth & lifestyle. The majority of young people still want to accumulate money & things, they just don’t want to be seen as greedy as older generations. You would have to be blind, deaf and dumb to miss the attitude among the young that older generations are greedy. That’s easy. The hard part is that we old folk flippantly disregard this attitude as the naiveté of youth. Silly us old folk. The young DO recognize the value of accumulating wealth and the benefits that come along with it, they just don’t want to do it the same way. Conversely, it is silly to not recognize young people want shit – things, money & recognition (yes, they are capitalists too>.

No matter how we may want to couch attitudes in some trite platitudes — people will always want to be valued and fairly compensated for the value they provide. The future challenge is how to let the Reptilian brain ‘accumulate wealth’ and increase personal value all the while balanced with a moralistic <semi altruistic> belief that ‘I want to be fair’ <at its most hedonistic shallow level it would actually be ‘how can I become wealthy and not look like a greedy jerk’>.

Trendwatching in 2013 called it ‘guilt free consumption.’

I imagine the more positive slant on it is a revitalization of some sense of altruism or fairness while still consuming. People, especially younger people, are feeling conflicted between their desire to earn & spend and their aspiration to do the right thing. They are looking for products and services that will deliver value and quality while, at the same time, provide reassurance that their ‘accumulating’ is not seen as greedy or doing a level of ‘harm’ to the greater good <note: that ‘level’ is an individually driven assessment & typically not a societal standard>.

Trendwatching researchers suggested that consumers were experiencing guilt over how they spend, and on what they spend it on, which means they will look at how companies conduct their business, from where they source their products and whether they are engaged in socially-responsible initiatives.

Here is where the cynical me steps in.

The key to addressing consumer guilt is to identify the choices that cause the consumer the most concern and “absolve” them of the guilt.

Once again. This doesn’t mean ‘me’ desires go away. It, in its most simplistic sense, is suggesting a ‘guilt free’ aspect to the desire to accumulate wealth or things. Cynically, a person seeks an implied ‘balance’ —  a bargaining with a desire to accumulate.

In a non-cynical way someone has added a belief if that a ‘me’ can make more, earn more & and accumulate/have more and feel good about it if the ‘optimal end game’ is connected to a greater ‘we’ aspect <environment, society, sharing of that which is accumulated with less fortunate>. This mental bargaining is an attempt to alleviate the guilt that gnaws at the conscience of those who, mostly with good intent, want to do the best they can and accumulate the most wealth they can.

—–
“Guilt upon the conscience, like rust upon iron, both defiles and consumes it, gnawing and creeping into it, as that does which at last eats out the very heart and substance of the metal.”

Robert South

——

Wealth & consuming is achieved with a balance of ‘what I could have had, but shared.’ This shared aspect shows an innate sacrifice of ‘me’, but not at the expense of success <or actualization>. Instead it shows a sharing of individual success. Successful wealth management <growth> shows ‘not too much’ by ‘I could have had more but I don’t.’

It also meets a Maslow thought: ‘I am successful – not everyone can be successful – therefore by being as good as I can be (which is better than many people) I am contributing to the greater good for those who cannot do what I can do.’

All the psychological mumbo jumbo aside. Guilt free accumulation, despite sounding like some moral relativism, actually does deliver a sense of fairness — fair to me and we. It’s not straight up altruism but its a version of individualistic altruism.

I called this basic attitudinal concept Community Individualism in 2010. And I still call it that. The seeds of this type of thinking have been planted and while it will most likely not prosper in current adult generations it will thrive in younger rising generations. It will be <at least in my eyes> the prevalent psychographic attitude every business will need to attend to in the future.

Hey. Interestingly if you google my ‘community individualism’ concept you will find a number of really well written articles and intellectual papers outlining the battle <tension> between ‘community’ and ‘individualism.’

I say interestingly for 2 reasons:

1. Because I believe there is an entire rising generation who is answering the battle for “us” <versus just ‘me’>. They are living it and have grasped it and are embodying how to be and do both. We <older folk> could not figure it out. They have.

2. I am the only one, I have found, who believes there is no tension, but rather an embracing, between community & individualism in this next younger generation.

Anyway. ‘Community Individualism’ or “Enlightened Individuality.” I will not bore you with everything I have written but give some relevant highlights to align everyone on my thinking.

——-

The post millennial generation (The Global Generation – others call it “Z”) will have been preceded by the two extremes of community and individualism. The worldwide web will enable a higher level of intimacy between cultures and globally dispersed local communities (or maybe, more specifically, individuals). We see this emerging even today (it just has not matured). Not surprisingly, this technology has transformed our worlds – empowering people with access to extensive circles of population as well as connecting in surprisingly personal and intimate ways.

My thoughts may seem extreme … but I believe the Millennial generation is “too far down the path” to be the Global Generation. They were the early adopters of a web based global community aspect and there will certainly be “cusp” generational citizens, but as a whole they are being bombarded with the vocal minority and don’t have the global counterbalance (I guess what I mean by that is I believe Millenials will still fall back on country cultural cycles as the subconscious place to go). Millennials will be open to a global community (which is the reason why I believe the Global Generation will be successful as they follow in their footsteps).

Remember.

Generations are not set by birth, but by accumulated experience over a lifetime. As Millennials will deal with a Crisis, the Global Generation will deal with the aftermath.

This balance of community and individuality will permit this generation to better accept and respect the choices made by individuals globally and yet strengthen local communities (I actually believe that will be represented by strengthened country patriotism). The community aspect will definitely lead to some cultural or geographical driven conflict yet the respect for individual choices elsewhere will balance the conflict within a “values set of rules.”

——–

All that said. As noted above I believe that while generations turn and attitudes evolve over time that the advent of the internet has truly enabled a new ‘mixing’ of an attitude and should enable new behavior. Interestingly the internet has not just changed behaviors, but also attitudes <in that we are now better able to judge others’ behaviors>.

Yeah. Transparency doesn’t just go in one direction <towards the bad guys … and ‘evil corporations’>.

And while the internet may appear to sharpen <or cocoon> opinions & beliefs it has actually made us more aware of issues and differences <whether we like or dislike the differences is a different issue>. It may have made us more defensive with regard to our own attitudes it has also encouraged us to go on the offensive to showcase our ‘moral cores.’

By the way.

This doesn’t mean a ‘flatter’ world. It means a more aware world. You can no longer just ‘be me’ and be invisible — me is now always visible.

This comes with some repercussions whether it’s protecting or projecting your image or character. The world today with its internet driven transparency forces us all to take a closer look at not only our behavior, but also what that behavior ‘begets’. Oh. This also includes what we purchase.

In the end.

Guilt free accumulation is an attitude <generating a type of behavior> that needs to be addressed if you are in business and want to innovate products & services … or just want to understand what attitudes which need to be tapped into in order to be successful.

Why should you believe me? I will end with what I started with … “an elevated expression of the inner voice which the different peoples of the Earth have heard in the depths of their being, a voice which conveys the vibrant compassion and wisdom of life.”

Listen closely.

Branding people may misuse the information and and others, like me, will caution the depth of this caring & inner voice.

But.

The inner voice of fairness is raising its voice to be heard. A lot of us older folk may try to shut it out, but the younger voices will be heard. And in being heard they will drive the behavior of the future.

Ignore this voice at your own peril. Ponder.

—-

“If I have gained anything … it is the knowledge there is no starting over – only living with the mistakes you’ve made.”

Jodi Picoult

—

“It is so hard to leave — until you leave.

And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”

John Green

—

Almost everything in life (and business) can be encapsulated in beginnings, ends & what is in between. Everything occurs there. So when I speak of starting over I am also talking about ends.

Or conclusions.

Or when enough is enough.

And where you go when you have reached ‘enough is enough’. Now, some people suggest that point should be called ‘starting over’. I don’t but suffice it to say starting over is not only big business, but it may actually be part of our DNA.

Yup.

I think part of America’s DNA  is a belief anyone can reinvent themselves. We write books about it, give seminars on it, share trite inspirational ramblings on it and invest gobs of energy on it.

Well.

Look.

I don’t believe in starting over. To me it implies you can leave some stuff behind, wipe the slate clean as they say <whoever ‘they’ is>, but reality is you never really leave shit behind.

What do I mean?

I think Life is like a puzzle. You are given some pieces and you pick up some pieces as you progress. And it is just part of Life that sometimes all the pieces just don’t fit. But here’s the deal. Once you pick up a piece it has your fingerprints on it.

And even if you try to discard what you see as a useless piece … you cannot. The pieces are sticky.

It is possible in reading that you may think I am suggesting being more careful about what puzzle pieces you accumulate.

I am not.

Picking up puzzle pieces is just part of living Life.

Suffice it to say you are never really finished putting a puzzle together. You are always looking at new pieces and picking up new pieces. Now. On occasion it may feel like you have almost put your puzzle together only to find some pieces that don’t fit <and they may have even actually fit in the past>. Yeah. Puzzle pieces can change. Oh. And sometimes you can actually want a piece to fit, but it won’t fit into the space you’ve designated for it. Yeah. It gets challenging.

But beyond the actual pieces, and going back to the whole ‘reinvention’ or starting over idea, you can’t really discard the puzzle and start over.

Pieces? Sure.

The puzzle? Nope.

To be clear. We may want to get rid of the fucking puzzle. We may look at the puzzle we have put together, or let’s say, tried to put together, or maybe it is just a big nasty pile of pieces staring at us in the face … and say “shit, where did I go wrong?”

Well.

This is one of the few times you have permission to sit, maybe cry a little … and certainly think about how your life may have gone awry.

I don’t mean that you should wallow in pity that things look like they didn’t go your way. I’m just saying that it’s okay to sit and be unhappy that you sucked at putting the fucking puzzle together well.

It’s okay to be upset.

But you are stuck with much of the puzzle you have invested in. Yeah. That thought will make almost anyone unhappy.  But maybe it is good to get upset and let all the frustrated, disappointed, sad feelings out because when you’re done, maybe you get angry. And when you get angry, maybe you decide to do something about it.

Here is the good part of my whole ‘there is no starting over’ and this Life puzzle thought.

There is always another piece – choice, option and way out <forward> – around you waiting to be picked up. So when I say I think starting over is bullshit I am not suggesting that you give up nor am I suggesting that “life is out of my control” or that it is too big to do anything about it.

Because I hate it when people say things are “out of their control.”

That’s bullshit.

And it is simply an excuse to not go after what they want.

Pieces are all around so go after what you want, do something about the crappy puzzle you have put together to date, but, that is not starting over. It is about moving forward, accepting what you have done up to that point, sifting through all of it and gathering up the good <because there is no way in hell you have made 100% bad decisions and have 100% ‘wrong’ puzzle pieces in your puzzle> and starting to build a new version of the puzzle you have already started.

Inevitably this is about making some choices and making some new decisions <that are good for you>.

Now. There is another sort of tough thing to grasp when it comes to this not starting over, but rebuilding your puzzle idea. People around you see different things in the puzzle you have already built and some of them have ideas about it.  That only matters because what sucks about making decisions that are good for you is that not everyone is going to be happy with the decisions nor the results. Nor is much of the world going to be paying attention … because they will be making their own decisions and doing their own thing. Who cares? Its your puzzle, your life and your responsibility to self.

Starting over doesn’t mean picking up and moving, maybe it’s an attitude change, maybe a shift in your mindset, maybe its just a change of heart or a new outlook on life. All of those things give you a new outlook on your puzzle.

Anyway. Here is what I know.

This whole starting over thing drives me a little nuts.

I don’t like the thought of thinking of everything as a do-over.

Sure. You always get another chance, heck, that is what Life is all about. But you don’t get to ‘do over’ something, you just get to do something else.

I think it is better, and healthier, to accept the fact you can’t wipe the slate clean. All you can really do is to stop and understand why you are the way that you are and how you got to where you are.

Oh. I said ‘stop,’ and not ‘take a step back.

Purposefully I may add.

Why?

Most times we are seeking to understand what we have done and at the same time try and put something behind you.

That said.

It seems silly to step back, but instead maybe just stop.

Semantics? Maybe. But stopping means pause, assess, evaluate, look around.

Shove the shit that is actually behind you <no sense stepping back and reliving it> or to the side or, even better, into some storage bin <and, once again, I purposefully do not suggest ‘burning or destroying’ … it is what it is … you cannot destroy your past>. You are storing away anything that is adding weight to your load and impedes your progress.

This suggests you also have to quit over thinking everything and anything.

I say that because any winning, even in Life, is part thinking and part instinctual. It’s a balance.

Happiness is almost exactly the same. Maybe because happiness is partially about … well … winning.

And I don’t mean tangible shit <money, stuff, trophies, cars, etc.>, but rather satisfaction in oneself <meaning, mattering and purpose>.

—

“Happiness is simple. Everything we do to find it is complicated. “

Karen Maezen Miller

—

Which leads me to the fact you actually have to give yourself the opportunity for satisfaction.

What I mean by that is if you sit and think through every possible scenario, dissect every decision into meaningless scraps <ultimately making the decision you need to make completely unrecognizable>, it doesn’t make anything better.

It just makes everything worse.

To be clear.

Yes.

You still need to make decisions based on logic and practicality.

No.

Not all decisions need to be analyzed so hard.

In fact. That is probably the main reason all this ‘starting over’ stuff is bullshit.

Decisions in life, and in general, are iterative. One decision changes the entire context within which the next decision is to be made.

And that insight alone kills the concept of starting over.

Once you have begun your puzzle you need to just, well, go.  Maybe not forward … but going. You really cannot go back.

—

“As I reflect back on the lion’s share of my life, it feels I have been fighting a battle I couldn’t win.

It always seemed my opponent was one step ahead of me.

Only when I surrendered, and started my life all over, did I discover that my opponent was me. “

williamchapmanwritings

—

With all due respect to williamchapmanwritings, you never really surrender in Life. You actually “reflect on the move.”

How do I know that?

Because if we didn’t we would constantly be run over. And most of us don’t have tread marks just dents from where we get bumped by Life. Our self, in some form or fashion, keeps going despite the dents.

Which leads me to self.

Our opponent in the battle in Life is really … well … me. Us. Me, myself & I.

The whole trite concept of ‘starting over’ is 99% of the time all about self.

What does that mean? There is no starting over, just adapting.

I imagine this also means Life is exactly what you make it out to be.

You.

No one else.

And maybe that is why there is no starting over. There is no rebirth and there is no new childhood, there is just “where do I go from here?” Yeah. “I” go from here. Don’t start over, just start going. Ponder.

=========

“Stop going to your #dark place.  The older you get, the more happiness becomes a conscious decision you have to make every day.

You can’t expect to automatically feel good when you wake up.  It’s something you have to work toward.”

Ryan O’Connell

=============

“The truth is, I pretend to be a cynic, but I am really a dreamer who is terrified of wanting something she may never get.”

Joanna Hoffman

=======================

So. When we get up in the morning it is a decision … it is a decision to not stay down.

In fact.

Every day you decide to get up you have either consciously, or subconsciously, decided that Life was not going to keep you down.

In the grander scheme of things that sure seems like a pretty important decision.

And, yet, we don’t invest a shitload of energy thinking about it.

Most of us think of facing each day as a responsibility.

Kind of a basic survival duty.

I imagine we do so mostly as a sanity tactic.

For if you stay down … don’t get up … you are inevitably faced with the decisions you have made up to that point <as well as the fact you will not be able to pay the bills>. And, to refer to my first quote, this means as you get older you have more and more decisions you will have to face.

Time is rarely your friend with regard to contemplating your decisions.

I say that because, well, because here is what almost 99% of us do on a daily basis — we decide what we will cede in terms of what we know, or believe, is the right thing to do.

Yeah.

We compromise a little on ‘principles.’ Well. At least our principles.

Sure.

Most of the time it is okay because the organizational, the business, principles give us some slightly-to-more-expansive boundaries from which we can assess what we should do or not do.

But even within that “okay space” we are far too often trapped in the wretched hollow space of a decision of ‘what will you surrender today for the hope of the win tomorrow’ <and the tomorrow may just be something somewhere beyond the horizon>.

Some may call this ‘moral relativism.’ They would most likely be the intellectuals, philosophers and people who don’t really do shit for work in their Life.

For most of us everyday schmucks it is a combination of survival “if I don’t do this I will not get that” and dreamer “I will go ahead and do this because someday………….<fill in blank> “

As we face each day we realize that we are facing more than that day. We realize our actions can suppress our ultimate dreams or they can empower a dream to come to Life, well, not today, but some day in the future.

Now.

None of us really know our future and what it holds so the decision today takes on some sense of urgency of ‘well, this MAY be really fucking important with regard to my survival/dream so I gotta do what I gotta do.’

Whew.

Today can look really huge with regard to tomorrow in this case.

I chuckled <a little painfully> as I typed that last sentence.

I am reminded of what President Bush said in 2008: “abandoned free market principles to save the free market.”

On a daily basis we are faced with questions of “what we will abandon to save our future & our dreams.”

And we do what we feel like we have to do, using principles mostly not as a “stop or go” sign, but rather as some slightly nebulous guardrails we can maneuver around within.

And then we leave to face another day.

When taken on a daily basis it is relatively easy to face the day.

When viewed over a longer term it can become relatively difficult to face the next day.  Maybe that is why most of us get up and face the day each & every day – the alternative doesn’t seem so appealing. Maybe that is the ‘dark place’ that we know is there and avoid it the best that we can.

Here is what I know for sure.

Every day you face you have one authority — the authority over your actions and attitudes and behaviors.

You have the authority over what you will do and will not do.

You have the authority over your principles and morals and whether you will abandon them or not.

Uhm.

You should note one key thing on the whole abandoning thing.

Once abandoned is always abandoned.

There is no true ‘just this once’ abandoning of principles. Once crumpled principles are forever wrinkled.

And, yet, it seems like each day we are faced with some choice to surrender our moral authority and cede the principled battlefield under the belief that by doing so “the day will be saved.”

How wrong that thought is. For in surrendering that day we will have already been lost.

Anyway.

Maybe getting up every day has nothing to do with moral relativism and more about just doing the shit you need to do.

Maybe we really are just cucumbers with anxiety.

But.

Maybe it is a little something more we should think about on occasion. Because maybe we are really a dreamer who is terrified of wanting something she may never get and in our terror as we face each day we lose the one thing which makes our dreams look small – our moral authority & principles.

Ponder.

=================

“When we first met … you asked me a question to which I gave a stupid answer, you asked me whether I wanted to live and I said “Yes.“

Actually, Miss Page, I want more, much more. I want to create, to make something big out of something little.”

Boris Lermontov

===================

Ah.

Maybe I am cynical.

Maybe I am simply becoming a curmudgeon.

Maybe I am actually right on this topic.

I think pop psychology makes us lazy with regard to how we view life. We are encouraged to ‘be positive’ and ‘live life to its fullest’ and be happy we are alive. Pretty much nice sounding pabulum. And pretty much useless advice.

I am not suggesting we should all be pessimistic, but all the positive thinking shit establishes some fairly unrealistic expectations.

Which leads me to what you should expect.

It is also sometimes suggested that Life is big & full, therefore, living it fills up so much space and time that if you do just that, live it,  you should be satisfied because, what the hell, there isn’t a whole lot more room for anything else because it is so big & full just by living it. This seems to suggest that simply living life, and making it through life, is some achievement in and of itself. I will not argue that simply surviving can be a skill, but that’s kind of like at the bottom of the Maslow expectation in Life pyramid.

Well.

Maybe we shouldn’t look at Life, in itself, as something so big & full that there isn’t room for anything else.

Maybe Life is littler than we think. Little moments. Little experiences. Little people. Little lies. Little truths. Little color. Little things that make up what we call our current Life.

Maybe we should want more.

No. No maybe. We should want more … much more.

We should want to create. Create something. And I don’t mean make something, but rather create, fashion, something big out of something little.

This is probably the one place in our sometimes self indulgent world where I wish more of us actually weren’t comfortable with what we have … and wanted more.

Instead of settling we want more.

Instead of settling for what is we want more of what could be.

From our little space in the universe we shouldn’t settle for little but seek some big impact or contribution.

Oh. About “little.” The truth is most of Life is made up of little things. Therefore, if you don’t do anything else but live it, well, in the end i imagine you live a little life. That may sound harsh so let me soften it a bit. If you don’t do anything but live Life, the Life you live will not be as big as it could be <that’s kind of like optimizing its potential>. That said. I’m fairly sure no one wants to purposefully live a little Life so maybe we should desire to make something big out of something little.

Maybe we should embrace the thought we are all architects of our own lives.

Maybe we should purposefully seek to build something big.

Maybe the pursuit of “what could be” is Purpose in and of itself.

Maybe ‘much more’ isn’t things but rather doing things that make little big.

Maybe, just maybe, you should want more … much more.

 ========

——————

“Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl.

But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart … filled it, too, with melody that would last forever.”

~

Bess Streeter Aldrich

=======

On Christmas Eve I am reminded of something I heard last week at a business luncheon.

Someone smiled as he tasted his Christmas dessert special and said “it tastes just like Christmas.” Smart ass me jumped in and said “like a fir tree?” and without hesitating he said “no, family anger and disappointment.”

<he later clarified it tasted like fresh peppermint and cool snow>

He was kidding … okay … half kidding.

Many of us harbor mixed feelings as the holidays proceed and Christmas looms. Its kind of like dysfunctional functional aspects of Thanksgiving family gatherings with the added challenge/angst of having to give gifts.

Me? I love Christmas … particularly Christmas Eve. And I do so despite the fact many of my childhood Christmas Eve memories … well … suck. They certainly were not devoid of gifts, but many times devoid of what makes family and Christmas special — that kind of warmth and comfort and anticipation and laughter that pepper dysfunctional functional family moments.

I imagine we were not the most loving family and therefore Christmas sometimes exacerbated that feeling.

But, you know what? In the end it really didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter because all the while I knew Christmas and Christmas Eve were special it was just I, or we, hadn’t figured out how to tap into it.

But I did, I have, and continue to do so now.

And that is why sometimes I feel sad around this time of the year. Not because of sadness borne of loneliness or years gone by or ‘lost moments in the past’, but rather because I see how easy it is to lose sight of the magic that makes up Christmas and the holidays.

And the magic can come from anywhere at any time.

It can be the anticipation.

It can even be found in the pangs of disappointment in a well-intended gift.

It can be found driving down the road where one house & its yard doesn’t have one inch NOT covered with some light or decoration and the next house with one simple candle lit in a front window.

It can be found in the gathering of friends & family and the empty spaces where a friend or family member used to be.

Christmas is joyful, sad, tears of joy … and regret, excitement & disappointments.

And Christmas Eve.

Oh.

Christmas Eve.

People seem to think Christmas morning is “it” … the apex of the holiday season. I tend to believe it is more Christmas Eve; the moment before the moment that matters and is “it.”.

We build to that day and that moment and all that comes after is the fallout for all that came before.

Look.

Everyone is different. Some stumble into the day, some try and ignore the day, some anticipate the disappointment and some … well … some just anticipate and celebrate the bigness of the day.

That said. What I truly love about Christmas is that little things are big.

Little moments are huge around the holidays. Some people, and sometimes I wish I were one, can take little Christmas lights and make a huge bonfire of light suggesting that they are lighting the way for Santa to visit. It is almost like these people fear being overlooked by Santa and therefore go out of their way to show their appreciation for the spirit that makes up Santa and Christmas and the holidays so that their joy is not overlooked.

Awesome.

The world doesn’t have enough of these people.

Next. Christmas really is no different than anything in Life. When you are born or growing up you always wish you could get a manual telling you what you are supposed to do or what everyone does. No manual exists. You are stuck with learning whatever tradition your family may have and maybe some others as you crisscross lives.

Christmas creates some common ground for all of us. We all face the same dilemmas and the same questions and the same issues … one and all. We all stumble and bumble our way thru the holidays and Christmas – mostly with the best of intentions – yet ultimately more often overcome by the sheer amount of ups & downs that come from the rush up to the ‘big day’ and what happens then.

I will say that sometimes in all the anticipation, and anticipointment, we forget what Christmas is all about. That happens because it is a mixture of all we hate & love. Disaster & discomfort and emotional moments & joy.

Which brings me to this 2015 Christmas commercial about disaster, calamity and sharing. Hyperbole at its best: Sainsbury’s: “Mog’s Christmas Calamity”

Sainsbury’s Christmas commercial is a spectacular film featuring the family accident-prone cat Mog. I think we all watch this and laugh … well … a little painfully because disasters almost always seem to befall Christmas. It is kind of like the holiday version of how the printer in the office always breaks down when you need it most. And maybe that is why hyperbole works so well in Christmas commercials … the day itself takes on disproportionately huge dimensions into our lives, heads, hearts and wallets.

Just think about that on this day … this Christmas Eve. For when you strip away all the hyperbole, the gift giving angst, the anticipation … and Christmas and the holidays are laid bare … it is a beautiful simple thing.

We give gifts to each other for god’s sake.

Tiny ones & big ones … thoughts and things … it doesn’t matter.

We give.

What a gift.

The most spectacular gift humanity has given humans. The ability to give & share. Happy Christmas Eve.

===================

“Christmas is not a time or a season but a state of mind. To cherish peace and good will, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas. If we think on these things, there will be born in us a Savior and over us will shine a star sending its gleam of hope to the world.”

~

Calvin Coolidge

====

“It’s not worth doing something unless someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren’t doing it.”

Terry Pratchett

——-

In business … trust me on this … if you do something worth doing I can almost guarantee that someone will not only much rather you were not doing it, they will most likely be quite vocal in telling other people you shouldn’t be doing it.

Why?

Mostly because if it is worth doing it is going to:

<a> go against the status quo or against the grain

,or,

<b> will force some version and degree of change

, or,

<c> make people ‘do something.’

Regardless. Suffice it to say. Inertia is seductive.

Shit.

Status quo is seductive.

Shit.

Not changing is … well … easier.

Fighting all of that stagnancy is … well … a sense of progress. In business once things are moving and even a glimpse of progress is in view <or even the hope of some progress at some point> anything else worth doing doesn’t seem as attractive to a lot of people. Yes. That includes, inertia, status quo & not changing.

I am not suggesting everything you do will be truly meaningful and even if it is meaningful it will, or should, create angst among people. To be sure many, if not most, things you do in everyday business simply is to keep the engine running. And don’t fool yourself into believing these things are not important because they are.

But some things, maybe the most worthy things, THOSE things I can guarantee that someone would rather you not do them. I imagine my real point is that in business you often know you are doing something right, or something meaningful, when someone somewhere would rather you not be doing it.

I will also suggest that being able to discern what is worthy and what is not is not easy. Sometimes you can tell and sometimes you need someone else to tell. And, yet, ‘someone else’ will not always be able to tell … nor always be right.

Oh.

And you may not be able to tell or be right.

Shit.

Doing something worth something is tough.

But.

That said.

Here is all I really know.

If you actually do something worth doing <whether you can tell it is worthy or not> someone, somewhere, would much rather you not doing it.

=====

author’s note:

it seemed right to solely use Hugh McLeod Gaping Void cartoons with this Terry Pratchett thought and business thinking. I highly recommend any of Hugh’s books and using, and crediting, any of his illustrations.