Enlightened Conflict

protesting for yourself

February 21st, 2016

saving yourself

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“It’s okay to care about yourself the most. It’s okay to do what’s healthy for YOU. When someone hits you, it’s okay to hit back and then ask them what the hell they expected.

It’s okay.

 

You are not obligated to sit there and smile and swallow every bit of shit everyone heaps on you. You are more than furniture, you’re more than window dressing, you’re not their shiny toy.

 

You’re human, and you have the right to say “That was shitty of you”.

You have a right to say “Let me feed that back to you; tell me, how does it taste?”

You have a right to protest your own mistreatment and set boundaries for respectful interactions.

 

The rest of the world doesn’t realize you have this right, and they will act offended and appalled when you exercise it, but it is yours.”

 

SonneillonV

 

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Let me begin with the controversial thought.

 

do it for yourself

It is okay to be selfish.

 

Particularly when it comes to who you are and what you believe and what you stand for.

 

 

Some people may suggest what I am discussing is having & maintaining conviction.

 

You can.

 

I will not.

 

 

I like to think of it as selfishly maintaining what is mine and no one else’s. And I kind of like being selfish in this case.

 

 

This also means you have a right to protect your selfish decision.

 

 

That may mean just as my opening quote says … “that was shitty of you” and not only do I protest … I refuse it.

“Keep your shit.”

 

Yeah.

 

 

It isn’t a popularity building type of thought I am sharing.

 

And I am certainly not suggesting it as something to do 24/7.

 

 

What I AM suggesting is you have a right to be selfish. On a variety of things but mostly with regard to self, character and beliefs <not opinions>.

 

 

And you do have a right to be selfish with regard to how people, and the world, treat your space, your thinking, your self and any character attacking interactions.

 

Maybe the reason I am purposefully using selfish is because it conveys clear, hard, well defined boundaries. And not a shell like boundary but rather a ‘cross this line’ type boundary.

 

 

Personally I believe we need to first and foremost teach young people what is important to have inside the boundaries and why a boundary is important.

 

 

Personally I believe we need to be a little less compromising when someone disrespectfully crosses our boundary.

 

 

Selfish is one of those harsh negative-implying words. But I would also suggest that in a sometimes harsh world you need to implement some harsh measures to insure you do not get treated harshly.

 

This type of selfishness is actually one of strength, one from strength … the strength of self.

 

And within this type of selfishness you have the power, the right, to protest mistreatment of your boundaries.

dont fool yourself reminder

Yeah.

 

Some people may be appalled by your push back, maybe some offended and maybe some don’t even believe you have the right.

 

They are wrong.

 

 

The world doesn’t demand you always ‘play nice’ when it hurts.

 

The world only encourages you to be respectful when you protest for yourself.

 

 

But you always … always … have the right to protest for yourself.  Any time with any one.

giving yourself away … an unselfish view

February 22nd, 2015

saving someone drowning

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“To the world you may be one person; but to one person you may be the world.”

=

Dr. Seuss

——-

 

 

 

Well.

 

 

It occurred to me when rereading a January post “giving yourself away” < http://brucemctague.com/giving-yourself-away > that I had, with the best of intentions, shared a selfish perspective on giving yourself away. And that there is an unselfish perspective.

 

 

 

Yes.

 

There is unselfish giving yourself away. These are the people who simply help people, giving pieces of themselves away, because … well … that is what they do and who they are.

 

 

These people, the few, have a gift.

 

girl saving fire

 

I know of one for sure … probably a couple.

 

The gift is that they always seek to give a piece of themselves away if they see someone in pain, burdened by something, or just see a person needing to know that there is someone in the world who cares.

 

 

They do this regardless of the other person being friend or foe … known or unknown. They simply seek to … well … metaphorically … give a piece of themselves away to insure the other person has something good to hold on to when things look or feel bad.

 

 

What this means is … without trying to be the world to one person … they often end up being just that.

 

 

This is a gift.

 

 

It is a gift in that these people have an unending capacity to give themselves away.

 

 

I think in biology it is called regeneration. The body’s ability to give a piece away and have it regrow on the body. That is a gift these people have.

 

It is a gift because they never get exhausted giving themselves away piece by piece. It is a gift because they never lose enough of themselves to not have more pieces to give away.

 

 

“You will leave a little piece of yourself with everyone you imagine,” he said.

“You will get exhausted trying to give yourself away.”

noble infinite bits

————-

So.

Giving yourself away and never getting exhausted.

I think I will call this unselfish capacity.

 

 

It can be called unselfish because of something called “needs.”

 

We all have needs.

 

Needs, in the harshest light, pretty much stand in the spotlight of selfishness.

And, yet, the people with the gift I am speaking of seem to have such a huge unselfish capacity that their own needs seemed to get squeezed out of the selfish spotlight and are willing to stand to the side in the shadows.

 

That is a gift these people have.

 

 

There is another aspect of the unselfish capacity.

 

 

I will call it the ‘saving someone’ aspect.

 

 

My perspective on this one is mainly a business perspective.

 

When I managed groups and departments of people I loved picking up other managers ‘discards.’ The staff that they had given up on as too flawed or unmanageable. At that time, in my mind, no one wasn’t manageable. I believed as a manager I could ‘save anyone & everyone.’

 

But when I began managing companies and larger organizations I found I didn’t have the capacity to ‘save everyone.’ I became a harsher judge and jury with regard to staff.

 

 

I mention this because not too long ago I told a co-worker who was evaluating a potential hire, with some glaringly obvious cultural fit challenges, that ‘you can’t save everyone.’

He looked at me and said “I know … but why not try?”

 

The only answer I could give is that ‘if you give too much of yourself away in doing so you end up exhausted … or a shell of your former self having given too much of yourself away.’
Silly me.

 

 

 

I forgot that I am not everyone.

 

I had forgotten there are people with a gift … an unselfish capacity of which I do not have.

 

 

These people not only believe they can ‘save everyone’ but have the capacity to actually try to do so. That, my friends, is a gift.

 

 

 

Anyway.

 

 

The ‘giving yourself away unselfishly’ people.

 

 

The world needs these people.

 

We needed them in the past. We need them in the present. We will need them in the future.

 

 

dreams holow places empty peopleI imagine I owe an apology to these few gifted people for what I wrote in my original giving yourself away post.

 

 

Instead of apologizing I offer this post and the words you just read.

 

 

 

Giving yourself away is tricky.

 

And not everyone has the same capacity, or gift, to do it … and do it sincerely with no emotional baggage attached to the giving.

 

 

Appreciate the few who can.

Enlightened Conflict