dating an animated character



Before anybody thinks I am too creepy for writing this there is actually a facebook site dedicated to discussing adoration (and even some obsessing) of ‘love’ of animated characters. They claim to be “a group created for those who like to express their love for their favorite anime and/or cartoon character. Whether you are the type to obsess (and overly-obsess), or just plain adore them (so much you’ve decided to date/marry them) this is the group for you.”

Alrighty then.

THAT puts my post I perspective.

(or at least makes mine slightly less creepy)


How I got this post idea.

Well. Guys being guys. And guys who always seem to never run out of anything to say over multiple beers (but nothing to do with current relationships or anything really important so don’t worry you gals out there) somehow got around to discussing “hot” looking cartoons or comic characters.

The discussion, of course, is “which cartoon would you ‘do’?”


Slightly tamer version for this post is … okay … if I could be with any cartoon (animated) character who would I be chasing <not ‘do’>?

To be very very clear.
If anyone truly believes I would cheat on some young lady I was dating to be with a cartoon character vixen (assuming it was physically even possible) they would be sorely mistaken. I am a monogamous guy in a relationship … cartoon vixen or not.


If I was in no meaningful relationship and I was single and it was physically possible … well … that is how I came up with my list.

Ah. Where to begin?

Those bastards at Disney.

I blame them. Early on they cranked out a bunch of cartoons with awesome looking women (except the evil hag in snow white and the infamous cruella de ville in 101 dalmations).

Excluding Minnie Mouse you had Snow White, Cinderella, and a bunch of princesses (ahhhhhhhhhhhhh …. And princesses … the heck with real princesses. Way too high maintenance. Give me cartoon princesses. Awesome. Low maintenance. They typically only have one dress they wear all the time – so don’t use a lot of closet space).

Oh, beyond princesses … there is the chick at the end of The Jungle Book (we get back to her later).

I do know that Tigger would drool over Lady in Lady and the Tramp.

The frickin’ moms in the Aristocats and 101 Dalmatians were hot. And there was always a voice used that dripped with sexy (for gods sakes they used Zsa Zsa Gabor for a kitten’s voice in Aristocats I believe).

From there?

The chick in Aladdin (assuming you could pay attention because you were laughing so hard at the Robin Williams genie character), Ariel and Belle and … well … geez … the guys at Disney who design these characters probably started that facebook site.


The most datingish type animated characters (from a straight guy perspective):

Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. C’mon. Whose list is she not on? She made lusting after a cartoon not creepy (ok … maybe … less creepy). This gorgeous torch singer is curvier than an Italian road and with the Alps to match. It’s little wonder she laments: “You don’t know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do.” Oh. And for those looking to get a closer look at Jessie’s goods some Disney animators (since fired) included a few brief frames of a panty less Jessica.

The village girl (I don’t think she had a name) in The Jungle Book. As a young boy she became the hotness of girl hotness (now it seems a little creepy as an adult but … whatever). This is the young girl at the end of Jungle Book. Mowgli did right for himself at the end of the jungle book. I give him credit. After hangin’ with Balloo and King Louie his entire life he may have been tempted to set his sights a little lower (like any human). But he stuck to what he wanted and got it. I am not sure what I would have in common with her but I bet she would love to have a cup of coffee at an Amazon starbucks one day.

Natasha (of Boris and Natasha) in Rocky & Bullwinkle. I figure I may have a chance because I believe she had a secret crush on Bullwinkle and I think I could be in same league. She had funky hair but I am a sucker for her accent. Plus. I doubt I would ever be bored with all those bombs and stuff around. Of course, under the orders of Fearless Leader with their efforts against Rocky and Bullwinkle Natasha could be nominated as Best Soviet/Eastern-bloc female Spy (Boris and Natasha were from Pottsylvania, an obvious Eastern-bloc state, I have been informed). And how cool (and sexy) is that?

Daphne in Scooby Doo. Daphne has a bonus in that she is a cartoon whose beauty actually matches her intellect. Whether being chased down by zombies or outrunning a Snow Ghost she always seemed to manage to keep her purple and pink outfit looking perfect. One would also hope that her sense of adventure could transfer into the bedroom. Anyway. The auburn haired, doe eyed Daphne was always easy on the eye. Daphne’s purple dress and pink pantyhose were enough to make viewers drool like Great Danes just to see the budding woman underneath. Yes, this damsel in distress was worth serious rescuing.

Betty Cooper  in Archie comics. This is going to fall into a “who is hotter on Gilligan’s Island discussion … Ginger or Maryann?”This is Betty versus Veronica.  Well. Veronica was a spoiled, rich vixen who will tear your heart out & leave it to bleed on the sidewalk, as the leaves slowly float to the ground. Not for me. Give me the low maintenance bubbly blonde & go to the malt shop & share an ice cream sundae. I want the chick who decorates her room in hearts & rainbows. I want the girl who apologizes to fire hydrants when she kicks them in frustration.” Sure, she only played the tambourine in Archie’s band, but she wasn’t just some other brain dead blonde. She could hold her own. Betty dared to be both cheerleader & athlete. She even knew how to tune up her own car.

Snow White. Smooth white alabaster skin. Eats healthy. Looks good in blue. Geez. What more could a guy ask for. Nuff said.

Catwoman. What a minx. What else should be said?

Judy Jetson in The Jetsons. The ultimate futuristic hot teenage girl you always wanted to ask out. Great personality and because Jane, her mom (who ain’t bad, either) was around you got a hint of what Judy would look like in 30 years or so. The bonus? Get Judy you get the awesome pup Astro. Who doesn’t like her girls with a cool dog?

Ariel in Little Mermaid. She’s sweet, unblemished and, as an added bonus, she’s never had crabs. Yes, we know she’s half fish, but the other half of this slender sub-marine sex pot is all women, as her oyster shell bra barely conceals. Slightly naught slightly nice (think librarian in an underwater library). This is fishy fantasy at its finest. Now (on the other hand). Ariel may be the stupidest princess of all time (I’ll trade my ability to speak in order to get some legs, so I can walk around on land and stalk some guy I met once, oh, but I can’t actually talk to him because an evil octopus has my tongue in a clamshell). Yeah. Remember that there are two versions of her, the half fish and the full human. I would take the human version (the one that doesn’t talk). Why? c’mon. Who is really asking me that question?


That’s it. I have invested far too much time not only thinking about this but writing about it.

All I can really say to end this is I hope the Disney/Pixar boys keep up the awesomely creepy trend of awesomely looking princesses and such.

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Written by Bruce