==

“We actually contain a built-in ability to rise above restriction, incapacity, or limitation and, as a result of this ability, possess a vital adaptive spirit that we have not yet fully accessed.”

Joseph Chilton Pearce

==

I have written about limitations as well as rules and breaking a rule before, but today this is just about potential and game theory (in a weird way). Game theory revolves around competition and objectives. Restrictions are less structured in that they are simply the things life offers up as suggestions of what is possible, not possible, safe, and unsafe (among other things). I tend to believe most people eye restrictions with a wary view. We are wary because restrictions suggest a lack of capacity to go farther than the restriction. That suggestion goes against the grain of how we feel about personal potential. We humans DO have a built-in ability to rise above limitations – given the right context that is.

Which leads me to suggest restrictions are rational things in an irrational world.

When restrictions are applied from a societal norm and community way, they actually encourage irrational consistencies. What I mean by that is if a restriction is rational simply by rising above a restriction is deemed irrational. To be fair. The rational consistencies within society demands that we review the idea of what is prescribed, the enforcement of those restrictions, and the rewards of rising above. Part of this rational assessment demands seeking some consistent demonstration of inferiority (below restriction outcomes) through some measurement. We also assess, subjectively, the cost to potential due to lack of deviation from the compulsory restrictions. But underneath it all, the part that chafes the most, is that most societal restrictions are crafted to mold people into what the existing system (power) machine needs. Yeah. Typically, the larger system is built to produce specific behavioral actions which can be measured so the restrictions can be held accountable (to the needs of the system, not human potential). I would be remiss if I didn’t point out then in an outcome of this is a version of pacification of people. The objectives, and mindsets, of community life and society is permeated by restriction measurement ultimately becoming the logic of society.

Which leads me to individual potential and society.

It was Margaret Thatcher who said “there is no such thing as society.” The Thatcher/Reagan era was almost the penultimate individual above all moment in history. That said. Thatcher stood for a particularly brutal version of individualism where there was no society just individuals competing. It was a warped view of progress where great things weren’t achieved collectively, but rather by looking within, grinding through life via will power and hard work to improve your own life (indifferent to everyone else attempting to do the same). It becomes a world of individuals, not a world of We. This is a form of restriction in and of itself and it has become the logic of society where individuals are society; not communities. This begets a society existing of relentless individualizing where the collective good, and progress, is renegotiated in a zero-sum fashion. To be clear. While society is, and always has been, a version of encouraging self reliance, society is not, in and of itself, of the individual, but the connection of individuals. In fact, extreme individualism crafts a restriction enhancing unhealthy reductionism of potential.

Which leads me to social capital.

Social capital is maybe the opposite of individualism (maybe not exactly). I would also suggest social capital is organic game theory. What I mean by that is social capital reflects the extent to which social networks embody norms of trust, reciprocity, and cooperation that facilitate collective action in the pursuit of shared goals. That pursuit of shared goals is where game theory comes in. people, naturally, like to win and, in particular, like to attain goals (shared or not). Social capital demands a willingness to cooperate with others; this includes a willingness to cooperate with strangers and without any clear potential for direct and indirect reciprocity. The goal, in this case, is some individualized vision of potential attained. But even social capital has boundaries it’s just that the restrictions, in this case, are a bit more vague and a lot more expansive than a reductionist individualistic view. That said. I have always found it a bit interesting that E.F. Schumacher wrote “Small is Beautiful: economics if people mattered” smack dab in the middle of the Reagan/Thatcher era. He posited all human activity is a striving after something thought of as good and, therefore, the question at hand becomes ‘good for whom?’ Unless that person has sorted out and coordinated his manifold urges, impulses, and desires, his strivings are likely to be confused, contradictory, self-defeating, and possibly highly destructive.” The restriction of individualism is that it inhibits the mobilization of a collective for a collective good. It is within a goal of collective good where any one individual may not achieve the highest material rewards and yet may achieve their highest potential. Therein lies individualism’s greatest lie – that material success is tied to potential. That narrative actually restricts potential, but also what we, people as humans, truly understand about life. The greatest potential in life is not found in the restriction of individualism, but rather rising above its restriction through collective action.

Which permits me to circle back to the beginning – most people are wary of restrictions; particularly ones that suggest radical individualism.  

Humans are multidimensional constructs who thrive on irrational consistencies. Humans thrive in the connectivity with other humans. Radical individualism, even “self reliance,” inhibits connectivity. It does so because it restricts what one gives in a cooperative context. The individualism tugs people to hold back something, even just a bit, for their own good. It, well, restricts potential. It may not seem rational to give up something for yourself to get more back (at some point), but, irrationally, that’s the way the most effective world works. Ponder.

==

“There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have.”

Howard Thurman

==

Sounds touch things within us. What I mean by that is an external sound rings a certain bell within us. And that little bell within us guides our thoughts, memories and even our inner compass. I imagine I am suggesting that sounds trigger the genuine within. This genuineness can span discomfort to comforting. I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that silence is also a ‘sound’ (just think of the silence that follows the last note of your favorite song).

Anyway. Your genuine self is a tricky thing. It “is” and, yet, it can be elusive in its clarity. And maybe that is where sound comes in. Sound offers a framing for clarity of the genuine within. So let me offer up some sounds:

• “and the dreams you dare to dream … really do come true.” These specific lyrics in “Over the Rainbow” make you ponder your dreams and, well, dreams are a reflection of your genuine ‘you.’ What more could you ask of sound?
• Church bells in the distance. It doesn’t matter if you are religious or not, believe in God or any higher being, church bells play to your soul and make an offering with their sound to what you genuinely feel about faith and life. They make you genuinely reflect.
• The crunch of fall leaves under your feet. It has always confounded me that the sound of dead leaves can make the air crackle with life. Maybe it is that subconscious conflict that creates some genuine feelings about life – past, present and future.
• The little sniff your dog makes as he nuzzles you when he knows, somehow, that something is wrong. The little sound tells you he is there in case you need someone. It is the sound of someone loving you more than they love themselves – maybe even more than Life itself. I tend to think it is the sound of unbounded companionship. I tend to believe it genuinely teaches you more about yourself than anything else.
• The drone of a propeller plane overhead. Have you ever noticed they seem to only be heard on days with blue skies and big puffy white clouds? It makes you genuinely think about where you are and where you could go.
• Horses’ hooves clattering on cobblestone. No matter where you are or what you are doing this sound will place you somewhere back in time. I am not sure there is another sound which sounds like history better than this one.
• Violins. I could probably have chosen any instrument well played, but the sweeping sounds of a group of violins or the single mournful tug in your heart from a solo violin in a Beethoven <place any great composer here> symphony? Well. Close your eyes. You genuinely “feel.”
• “Yes” <also “everything will be alright”>. There are moments when you listen to someone say something and then there are moments. You have shared your thoughts, maybe your dreams, maybe something you have held inside for a very very long time, i.e., something genuine. Nothing beats hearing you are right or all will be okay to create just a bit more solid foundation of whatever is genuine about yourself.
• The sound of rain gently falling on tree leaves. Maybe best in the morning just as you wake up. That light pitter patter on leaves just outside the window. Enough said.
• The soft quick crack of an ice cube placed in an already cold drink. You want something cool to drink. The crack is confirmation that you now have a cold drink. Even cooler. I sometimes believe this kind of ‘clarity sound’ provides an affirmation for a genuine desire.
• The pages of an old book rustling like an old parchment as you turn the pages. Its not just the rough feeling of that thicker paper, it is the sound that the pages make as you flip one over to read the dated type font and the words leap off the page with the sound of the rustling. Reading is never better. I sometimes believe it taps into genuine feelings the written words prompt better than ordinary books.
• The opening notes of your favorite song. You don’t need more than 5 seconds and you know exactly what the song is. More importantly? With the sound, within those 5 finite seconds, you enter an infinite space of memories, feelings, thoughts. This sound expands time. Some would call this sound a genuine miracle.
• James Earl Jones’ voice. From Roots to Lion King to Darth Vader, he could describe your death to you and you would sit enraptured to the final word. I imagine my point here is that a genuine voice taps into the genuine you.
• The inner voice we all have. Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound like James Earl Jones <which would possibly make it easier to pay attention to and believe>, but you hear it loud and clear on occasion. It is the sound of the ‘genuine’ within you. It is truly the only true guide you have. I wish it would speak more often, but I always try and listen closely for its whisper.

And, of course …

• Let me bundle a bunch here. “I love you” from someone you love, a sincere “thank you,” “I couldn’t have done this without you,” pick a phrase, there are a number of genuinely offered thoughts, in words, that pack such a punch you reflect a bit on what is genuinely important to you.

I’ll end with something I believe, but cannot prove. I believe we all ignore a shitload of what is genuine about us. That ‘genuine’ just makes us feel uncomfortable. It’s the shit that we just feel better ignoring. That is where sounds come in to play. A sound doesn’t allow us to ignore what is genuine within and we have to face it – the good and the bad. Ponder.

==

“In the very midst of destruction and decay, we can now find striking evidences of birth and life. It shows clearly and, I think, indisputably, that with intelligence and a modicum of luck the emergent civilization can be made more sane, sensible, and sustainable, more decent and more democratic than any we have ever known. If the main argument of this book is correct, there are powerful reasons for long-range optimism, even if the transitional years immediately ahead are likely to be stormy and crisis ridden”

Alvin Toffler 1980

==

anyone else want to curl up on a lily pad and float away

==

Sometimes, too often in fact, the world cannot only feel insane, but you feel like you are going insane. It’s a response to stress. Stress on beliefs, stress on mindset, stress on reality (and unreality), stress on time, stress on self-capabilities, stress on resources. They literally can make you feel nuts.  It’s the uncomfortable dance between overwhelming and, well, whelming. Often, our ‘whelming’ mechanism is to ignore the larger stuff or always view it through simplistic terms. I actually believe it is a coping system and I tend to, while being frustrated with those people, give them a break. They just don’t know how to understand something so big and so overwhelming and can’t see any way to control it so they see it as a blob and deal with what is in front of them.

Which leads me to lily pads.

Some of us navigate the overwhelming bigness by finding lily pads of certainty in the present – and ongoing presents. That doesn’t mean you don’t feel like you are drowning on occasion and it is also tempting to just stay on your lily pad, but lily pads offer some stability. My own sanity has pretty much been grounded in actually giving lily pads of certainty to people. By giving I get some affirmation that some things can be managed and some things are certain and some things can overcome doubt.  I imagine I avoid the allure of certainty by permitting others to touch upon it on occasion. Maybe it is my way of avoiding being overwhelmed because, well, it is an overwhelming world where uncertainty overshadows certainty, facts exist like stars in the sky, but truth resides in combinations of stars (and not enough people look to the sky) and progress can sometimes appear elusive. Maybe lily pads are sane-ish zones in an insane-ish overwhelming world.

Which leads me to sanity.

My sanity most likely resides on lily pads. One step away from drowning I imagine. But maybe they offer small sane stages to dance within an insane world. Maybe everyone needs lily pads. Ponder.

“Complicated problems originate from causes that can be individually distinguished; they can be address­ed piece by­ piece; for each input to the system there is a proportionate output; the relevant systems can be controlled and the problems they present admit permanent solutions. On the other hand, complex problems and systems result from networks of multiple interacting causes that cannot be individually distinguished; must be addressed as entire systems, that is they cannot be addressed in a piecemeal way; they are such that small inputs may result in disproportionate effects; the problems they present cannot be solved once and for ever, but require to be systematically managed and typically any intervention merges into new prob­lems as a result of the interventions dealing with them; and the relevant systems cannot be controlled — the best one can do is to influence them, or learn to ‘dance with them’…”

Professor Roberto Poli

======================= 

“It’s easy to make a buck.

It’s a lot tougher to make a difference.” 

—–

Tom Brokaw  

============================ 

“In a dream world, everyone is treated with the same amount of respect. But until we reach that goal, I will lend my ear, I will lend my voice to any boy, girl, man or woman who does not feel like they can protect themselves.”

———-

Jennifer Lawrence

===========

Well. When you get to my age you sometimes pause and think “has anything I have done really made a difference.”

I tend to believe it is a reflective thing we naturally do because most of us have invested gobs of energy in some career, gobs of energy outside of the workplace with home & family responsibilities as well as gobs of energy in at least some ‘self fulfillment’ stuff.

We kind of want to assess life in maybe an ROI type way. That ROI idea may sound a little weird, but starting all the way in grade school where they pound into your head you should be involved in extracurricular activities <on top of schoolwork> all the way throughout your career you tend to measure your Life in an “energy-to-achievement” ratio way.

To be clear <part 1>.

We draft resumes being encouraged to espouse “differences we made on a business” wherein we take basic responsibilities, shit we are paid to do, and stretch it out into some dramatic outcome. Our professional lives seem to be driven into some simplistic ‘where I made a difference’ encapsulation which sadly derives it of the true rich & royal hues.

And, yeah, that matters. It matters because it is, more often than not, in those swirling colors where you personally find satisfaction – and meaning.  Yet, almost all of us distill our differences into simplistic black & white terms, or, in other words, we are encouraged to sell ourselves as “I am a good ROI.”

Now.

To be clear <part 2>.

This ‘pause & think’ isn’t about doubting any personal ability, or smarts or even accomplishments. I assume I am not that different than most people my age that I assume I have some ability, some smarts and some accomplishments.

The ‘pause & think’ is more about the ‘degree of.’

Am I really that good?

Am I really that smart?

Are my accomplishments really that good?

You start thinking about whether you have truly made a difference or if your “wins & accomplishments” were simply pedantic grind-it-out every day shit and that your losses were losses that didn’t mean anything anyway. Or, in other words, we are encouraged to think of our lives as “was I a good ROI.”

Now.

If you truly think about that you start thinking about what you have done and ROI.

=================

“Hey, if I am going to lose, let me lose doing something.”

Sam Seaborne

=================

Ok. I say all that because I received a couple of unexpected messages recently. The kind of messages that makes you pause & think … “maybe I did make a little bit of difference in some corner of the world”:

—————

Hi Bruce! I hope you’re doing well! It’s been a little while since we’ve talked. I just caught up with +++++ and a group of <college> students in Chicago last week. You set such a great example of leadership and teaching young people, including myself, a few years ago. I can only hope to have the same impact on this new group of students. I sincerely hope you’re doing well and I hope to keep in touch!

—————————–

Thank you so much, Bruce. You know I think about the day you pulled me into that little conference room at 151 W. 4th Street to tell me you were bringing me on to +++++++ – a lot. You saved my career that day. I will always be grateful to you for teaching me so much over the course of that year. Thank you for everything.

——————–

I am fairly sure no one gets a lot of these messages so I am fairly sure almost everyone cherishes them. They reflect some “return” on whatever we have invested.

But. You know. It is quite possible I look at ‘making a difference’ and my own personal ROI a little differently than a lot of other people. I know I would love to leave behind a legacy-like idea but, maybe more importantly, I would like to leave behind a legacy of ‘he made a difference’ – however that comes to Life.

That drives me and what I do and say <and write>.

The dilemma with pursuing thinking like this is while it has a high appeal for success <because it means ‘something’>, it is difficult, time consuming, <honestly> has a relatively low chance of success and is not the kind of thinking that really pays the bills. I imagine any life ‘purpose’ decision, combined with the fact you have to sustain and maintain everyday life responsibilities at exactly the same time, makes you ponder this unfortunate dilemma.

I can unequivocally state anyone who makes a conscious decision to ‘want to make a difference’ should make sure they think that decision through. It is not one to be made flippantly and while I shared a couple of notes which makes it all worthwhile to me, mostly you do not get much positive feedback.

That said.

I will offer a thought as you think about the dilemma.

Some guy named John William Atkinson wrote Motivational Determinants of risk-taking Behavior in Psychological Review in 1957. He suggested that if you can choose the grade of complexity <difficulty> of a task most of the decisions are taken in a mid-complexity-level. Too easy tasks or too difficult tasks can neither provoke a strong feeling of satisfaction nor a strong disappointment and vice versa.

Highly motivated people often choose a realistic complexity of tasks whereas low motivated people choose tasks that are finally to easy or too difficult for them.

But. Here is where I think I would sit good ole JW Atkinson down and have a debate. If I set aside the fact bills have to be paid at some point, I would say he doesn’t give ‘appeal of success’ enough emphasis. Especially if the appeal of success is tied to “doing something” or maybe better said ‘doing something that may truly matter.’

Huh? As Sam Seaborne says “if I am gonna lose let me lose doing something.” What I mean is that if you consciously decide to ‘go big and win big <or lose big>’ your satisfaction criteria changes and, therefore, you are willing to plow your way through more complexity and difficulty.

Look. I don’t think I am different than most people. We all want to ‘do something.’ Deep in our heart of hearts we want to know that we have done something that matters. I imagine, in a ‘big impact’ thought kind of way, somewhere in all of us we would like to leave the world a better place than the way we found it <and everyone can define the extent of ‘better place’ in their own minds>.

A friend of mine once pointed out that this ‘go big ideal’ can often simply be making a smaller difference in someone’s life. He is right. And if that is as good as it gets, well, that ain’t bad. But sometimes the desire to ‘do something’ is bigger than individuals or individual moments. That doesn’t make it ‘better’; just bigger. Bigger as in my case I take ‘world’ literally and not figuratively.

That ‘bigger’ matters because Atkinson is suggesting that the size of the ‘do something’ legacy task can often lead to a complexity that increasingly makes it difficult to be successful <but the prize more tantalizing>. I think what he misses is that a desire to make a difference can mentally shake the motivation etch a sketch.

Anyway.

At some point I think we all make some decisions on whether to compromise ‘greater purpose’ versus ‘everyday grind it out needs & responsibilities.’ Day to day responsibilities <not just bills but true responsibility to others who count on you> is a real life factor in whatever you decide to do or not do. It’s not like you have a blank Life sheet and put on it “do something that matters.”

The sheet is never blank.

You have cars, mortgages, children, mates/partners, work obligations, general shit that needs to get done. In fact, if you think about it too much, you will start thinking “holy shit, I want to make a difference but how the hell does it all happen?”

Well.

In the kindest sense you learn to balance or juggle.

In its harshest sense you compromise.

I would argue far too many of us confuse those two things and more of us actually compromise than we juggle. And I fear compromising has left far too many people numb to life or maybe just numb to their dreams. Or maybe, more specifically, numb to ‘doing something.’ or, maybe worse, numb to making a difference.

Me? I think I have always had some fear of that numbness if I end up compromising and avoid it like the plague.

I don’t know. What I DO know is that when you get to my age you focus a lot less on the ‘what did I do’ and ‘what did I not do’ and ‘compromise’, and a lot more on “difference achieved.”

Sure. I, as everyone else, certainly want to be happy. Live. And love. And be loved. Travel. See things. Meet people. Meet more people. Learn. And have offered some value in all that.

But, today, I’m focused on “doing something that matters.”

====================

“The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little.”

Thomas Merton

=============

Did I really do something that can leave the world a better place?

Did I really do something that made a difference?

Atkinson is/was probably a shitload smarter than I, but I gotta tell ya … even with all of his complexity & poor likelihood to succeed thinking, well, in my mind if you even have a glimmer of hope of getting to do something big … something really big … something that matters in a big way … something that someone would know really made a difference … I think you gotta go for it. It sure seems like you would want to do something, anything, which lends a voice to those who aspire to greater things themselves.

I mean, what the hell, if, in the end, I am going to lose or look like a loser, I want to know I lost doing something. In my mind I want to work hard at making a difference so that at some point, when all is said and done, there was a bunch of people saying “I wish I had sent Bruce a note.”

‘Cause I don’t need the notes. I just need to know they felt like they should have. In other words. I made a difference.

Just to close off this thought:

====================

“You know the Greeks didn’t write obituaries, they only asked one question after a man died, ‘Did he have passion?’”

quote from the movie Serendipity

====================

Even at my age making a difference can happen starting today. As I wrote in my obituary post years ago:

An obituary is not about what you can undo from what is done.  You don’t undo. It’s about moving on.

That, my friends, is a big thought.

Because a lot of people want to go back and fix or ‘undo.’

 Once again.

 You can’t. 

But obituaries can be written at any time.  In fact.  Many obituaries are written … well … when they are written … and that means they are written with “what is” as the case and point.  I guess what I am suggesting is that you can choose to unburden yourself from the past at any point. The good, the bad, the indifferent … none really matter.

Write your obituary from today on.

In other words, start making a difference today if you have not already.

In other words, seek to maximize your ROI to the world around you.

==

“why should I be angry? It won’t change how you feel.”

==

My anger at the world coils inside of me. It’s a directionless seething, there’s no name or face to aim at.”

The Sky So Heavy by Claire Zorn

==

Anger is energy and energy is something to be ‘applied.’ In other words, the energy of anger needs to be used.

Which leads me to what you do when angered and how you treat others when angry.

Maybe they are the same, but I am going to treat them differently.

Desire defines what we think we need. And often defines how we act. When we don’t get what we ‘desire’ (or expect – they can be interchangeable) it sometimes can take us to places we never thought we would ever go. And it sometimes fuels us to do some amazing things as well as some amazing stupid things. Yup. sometimes we suppress it. But in the end you either face up to your actions, and how you want to act, or you will have to face the fact you are an angry person.

This desire thing has two faces: anger and disappointment. And anger and disappointment actually take up space. So much that sometime they can, without words, take up almost entire rooms. What do I mean? They can squeeze the space in a room so much you cannot breathe.

Which leads me to the fact anger squeezes conversations.

Conversations are the smallest units of change. In this case, conversations are what solves anger (as well as fuels anger). Unfortunately, anger is a problem to, and with, conversations. Everyday life is full of conversations of depth every day, some bringing a depth of joy, some bringing a depth of chaos, some bringing a depth of grief, some of anger, some of disappointment. All these conversations reflect the depth and breadth of, well, life. The deeper the authenticity, the genuineness, the integrity of conversations the deeper the meaning of conversations and, as a consequence, life.  This is where the weight of kindness and unkindness shove each other. This is where guilt and contrition reside. This is where the condemning and uncondemning words and thoughts battle. This is where brute force and gentleness face each other. This is where actions have consequences. This is where learning occurs and all those action’s consequences can be redirected.

Which leads me to anger can be a gift.

Anger is a self imposed trial and therein lies its gift. Far too often we wield anger against someone, yet, rarely will it ever change how the other person feels. Anger is always about yourself not the other person. And here is where anger offers its greatest, and most tricky, gift. Anger gifts you the ability to find something where nothing exists (if you permit it to do so). You cannot carry anger, frustration, disappointment or resentment into the future. And it is rarely useful in the present. Anger is a black hole. A black hole where nothing exists – there is no past, present nor future in anger. It would be silly of me to suggest that no one should ever feel anger because it is a human thing to do.  But maybe we should think of ‘anger as a black hole.’ Think about it because after anger there is typically a need for some type of forgiveness to fill the hole and move on. Maybe the mistake many of us make is to believe that we can leave the anger behind. You cannot. It leaves a hole. And holes need to be mended (or filled). I don’t have an answer of how one would ever fill up a black hole enough to ensure that which has no past, present or future ends up having some meaning. Maybe it is simply the awareness of this that permits us to be better people.

In the end.

Anger gains you nothing and costs you much, but it is always a learning experience.

I scribbled this on a random piece of paper: “I cannot be angry with you. Anger would be a waste of the moments we have and would make us weak in the face of the things yet to do.” Therein lies the gift paradox. Anger wastes moments and, yet, it offers learning moments. I imagine all I can offer is navigate the moments wisely. Ponder.

=============

But resounding with the truth of things prophesied,

But of things with truth resounds

Но    вещей    правдою  звучат

No v’eshchej   pravdoju   zvuchat

Its lips are covered with blood!

Lips covered with blood

Уста, запекшиеся  кровью!

Usta, zap’vekshi’esa krovju!

——

Ophelia’s Song: Alexander Bok

=================

“Beyond a doubt truth bears the same relation to falsehood as light to darkness.”

–

Leonardo da Vinci

=================

59squared.

3,481.

3481squared.

12,117,361.

12,117,361squared.

1.5 billion.

That’s three degrees and I am at almost 1/5^th of the entire world. Yeah.  The numbers are really not that neat, but you get the point. With a single event, a single death, one person can set off a chain of events that will affect hundreds of thousands, millions and even billions of people.

Some people call this “6 degrees of separation” <although I showed it to you as only 3>. I didn’t make up the squared concept. In some form or fashion it reflects the truth of the internet of things and connectedness and it shows the likelihood that the majority of us have some connection to any event in which 5, 59 or 559 people are part of.

I say this because it makes a lot of things, well, personal.  The main point here is that a person now has access and is aware of more people <true friends as well as web based friends> and can have more frequent communication due to the ‘digital revolution’.

Yet.

Social media is simply the fact that the traditional benefits of an acquaintance network <personal or professional> and friendships can be more expansively realized than before <it amplifies>. This means that truth resounds more quickly & clearly & bluntly than ever before. The other truth is that our own experiences, and Life, can then be at the mercy of crowds of friends & acquaintances — crowds providing unsolicited input & feedback & experiences all influencing hordes of additional people’s thoughts on a daily basis. This means whether you are present in one place, or not, you can be impacted in the present place you stand. You are a nomad in which the world remains your home.

Our world is now one large network consisting of two basic things – people and connections. And while many times we look at this as some forced or constructed network <Facebook, twitter, etc. provides hubs and constructs> the reality is that most people networks & connections are organically constructed. So while we like to draw out nice symmetrical shapes to define how connections work and networks are constructed the reality is that networks are more often not symmetrical.

The unique patterns in the connections determine the shapes. We reach out in asymmetrical ways to places, events and thoughts and bring them near in seconds. In addition the ties between the connections can be complicated – spanning from intense or passive.

In the business world we try to characterize networks and connections in a variety of ways. The trouble is that people are not that orderly and certainly not stagnant and they actively reshape their connections, interests and networks all the time.

But I am not here to discuss how the internet can, or cannot, affect personal relationships or a sense of individual isolation but rather this is a thought on how the internet can make things, and Life … well … smaller.

On most days the ‘quasi-truth’ that resounds in the echo chambers of what we talk about and ‘think we know’ is that the internet is isolating us … disconnects us from reality and social interaction.

So … is it possible that the internet increases connection and decreases connection at exactly the same time? Yup. The Internet connects and it isolates.

The usual assumption that most of us make about our computing and communication environment is that we are ‘always’ connected. Indeed, most of us are ‘nomads’ when it comes to computing and communications. We live in a disconnected world much of the time as we travel between our office, home, airport, hotel, car, coffee shop, bedroom, etc. We now recognize that access to computing and communications is necessary not only from one’s `home base’, but also while one is in transit and/or when one reaches one’s destination.

It is an anytime, anywhere access world. It is also, paradoxically, a ‘be anywhere at any time’ world.

That is the connected aspect which creates the whole disconnected aspect.

Well. Let’s just say we feel slightly disconnected in a connected way, of course, until something happens that tightens all the lines of connection.

It is within moments like that where the supposed 6 degrees of separation becomes less degrees and more links all of a sudden the 59squared aspect of connectedness occurs.

The world gets smaller … in fact … really fucking small.

We are brought together and something that happens to 5 people, maybe 59 people, or even 559 people, becomes an experience within our own grasp.

Which brings me back to truth and resounding.

The majority of our social networking constructs today are on the internet <or have a foundation on the internet>. Simplistically, we, the people, are connecting via the internet. What this means is that the internet muffles or amplifies our voices, events and truth <as well as lies unfortunately>.

What this means is that … well … an event, a moment, a death, an injury, resounds … resounds as in 59squared.

What THAT means is we have to face a truth whether we want to or not. Now. At that point we have a choice – see what we face or don’t see what we face. And if we refuse to face it we will remain disconnectedly connected in our little asymmetrical networks of friends & acquaintances.

That was a sad sentence to type.

At this point, my conclusion, I imagine it may be relevant to remind everyone of 59squared and the fact that I can do one thing, one right thing … or one wrong thing … and it will resound.

Choose your ‘one thing’ wisely.

——————-

Don’t bring up the past of a person who is trying to improve their future

Please, do not stop people from reaching a good place in life because of things they cannot take back. It is so painful.

—-

via poesy

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When I saw this posted on a tumblr site it certainly made me think about how often we remind people of their past as a comparison to the good place they may be at today.

For some reason we must feel like the comparison makes the achievement more significant.

For some reason we must feel like we have to show a ‘from there to here’ journey in order to emphasize how far we believe someone has come.

For some reason we must feel like … well … talking about the past in order to emphasize something in the present.

But why?

The person certainly knows all this already.

The person most likely has no desire to revisit the past.

The person certainly reflects on the energy and commitment it took to where they are today.

I am sure we do it with the best intentions. But maybe those intentions are misguided.

I never really thought much about this until I read the opening thought and now I cannot stop thinking about it.

“Look how far you’ve come”

“Remember when you did <insert something>?

Wow.

Realistically, those are pretty shitty things to say to someone who has already put in the work, the effort, the mental fortitude to get to the good place they are in the here & now.

Why can’t we just enjoy the present as it is?

Why can’t we just celebrate what exists in the here & now?

Why can’t we just be happy with the person they are today without having to reflect on who they may have been?

The more I think about this the crappier it sounds.

I know I do it.

I know I often feel like offering perspective is an easy way to showcase the extent of some change I see.

I know I do so with good intentions.

And maybe that is a good and effective thing to do … maybe 80% of the time. Okay. Maybe 90% of the time.

But maybe that means 10% of the time I, and we, should ignore perspective and simply highlight the beauty of what is. And, frankly, accept that what is has value in and of itself.

I say that because a person who is trying to improve their future wants to feel joy and not pain. Or maybe better said … doesn’t need to be reminded of pain to feel joy.

So. Here is a thought.

The next time you run into someone you know is moving on to something better and is working really hard to improve their future treat the moment, the interaction, as a new place you have never visited before and explore it with the wonder of exploration and discovery.

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“Each moment is a place you’ve never been.”

Mark Strand

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If you do this maybe you not only ignore the past but also will not confuse the moment with those silly semi-positive support-like platitudes like “keep going” or “the future you desire is now within your grasp.”

And maybe you help them reach a good place by simply enjoying the moment and enjoying who and what they are in that time and place.

All I know for sure is that having seen the opening quote and taking some time to think about it I will interact with someone who is trying to improve their future a little differently from this point on.

And I will certainly think long and hard before I bring up the past because, well, about the only thing it really does is bring up things left behind. I should assume if it has been left behind it is no longer needed.

“I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”

Augusten Burroughs

==

Events happen to us all the time. Some small. Some medium. Some large. Some immense. On this sliding scale of events, we make choices. Some good. Some bad. Some somewhere in-between good and bad. But inevitably, as events do, they end. And with that ending comes some reflection. And within that reflection the choices loom large. And they all loom large even if the event itself was small. But I would suggest on the immense events, all choices loom even larger – even if the choices really weren’t that large. And as they loom their imperfections will scream in your ear for attention.  Imperfect choices demand attention.

Which leads me to good intentions.

Immense events demand clarity of intent and intentions. Without that clarity many of those imperfect choices screaming at you may actually be screaming some really uncomfortable truths. But with that clarity you recognize all choices tend to be imperfect, but if stitched together with good intentions, well, you still may not sleep easy at the end of it all, but you will sleep a bit easier.

Ponder.

==

“Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.”

Alfred North Whitehead

==

With adventure, civilization thrives. Shit. With adventure, people thrive. Now. Adventures are tricky things. Exciting in concept, frightening in action. But then there is the civilization, or society, aspect. Adventure can be a solitary activity, but is more often experienced as a group. And when people have an adventure together, they share not only the challenges, risks and uncertainties they negotiate, but also the growth and bonding that arise when dealing with challenges. That said. Adventure stories tell us that we should all travel off the couch and seek out experiences in the world. Yes. I am suggesting there is a difference between a couch potato dream and an adventurer’s dream. And, yes, different versions of ideas and reality drive different kinds of dreams and drive different types of adventures. Regardless, we choose, wisely or not.

Which leads me to creativity and imagination (the stuff of dreams).

We honor creativity and imagination culturally mostly because creativity is as much social as an individual effort. What I mean by that is any true adventure of creativity and imagination connects with other people at some point; if not multiple points. This is kind of the part of diversity I wish we spoke more often about. When people of different backgrounds come together, new ideas arise from their conversations. The truth is that progress, and new thinking, tend to be crafted incrementally from the fragments of different viewpoints. Once again, creativity is a social affair. I say that because that suggests that creative genius lies in the foundations of social itself.  So, uhm, adventures of the imagination are adventures of society. And just as I stated earlier, the imagination of a couch potato is different than the imagination of an adventurer. And, once again, the main difference is that an adventurer ventures out, amidst others and their ideas and their adventures, and, well, imaginations get honed into realities. And those realities become stuff of myths, stories, and narratives.

Which leads me to stories.

===

“It simply isn’t an adventure worth telling if there aren’t any dragons.”

J.R.R. Tolkien

===

• Smooth.
• No problems.
• Went without a hitch.

Those are the kinds of words we really like to use in life. They imply things going well, plans well done, and well executed. Implies thoughtfulness and focus and hard work. So, what’s my problem then? There is no story to tell.  Look. I am not suggesting there is only one type of adventure. What is adventure to one person may not be to another person; and vice versa. But what all adventures have in common is they, in the end, have a story to tell.

Which leads me to dreams and adventures.

Dreams need doing or they are simply mental masturbation. That’s why adventure and dreams are linked. When you dream big things, you will find new roads you may want to explore along the way. It is an adventure and sometimes extremely unpredictable and never ordinary. This is because big dreams can push limits of possibilities <or what is possible> because it keeps the impossible in life in sight. Yeah. I just said that. Big dreams, big adventures, purposefully keep the impossible in sight. This happens because big dreams are … well … not quantifiable. If they can be <in your head> I would suggest it is not really a dream, but an objective or goal. A dream has to be so big it is just an idea, something difficult to put a number on it or a specific GPS coordinate. It is always somewhere on the horizon and always contains just a bit of impossibility (until it doesn’t). And in reaching toward it the possibilities of new roads not taken increase significantly. Hey. That last sentence sounds like an adventure, no? Ponder.

“And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.”

t.s. eliot

==

“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language. And next year’s words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning.”

T.S. Eliot

==

Life has a set of rules we live by.

In fact lots of rules.

Rules on how to live life, how to think about life, how to look at life.

There are so many rules it gets confusing.

Trust me.

They are all there, many unwritten yet etched in people’s mind and heads, because we live in a society, and communities, that function because there is an understanding among its members. Some may call it civilization or being civilized. I don’t really bucket it in anyway other than in other Life has its rules and requires some responsibilities and the rules kind of offer some boundaries for accountability.

I imagine I am suggesting that some of those rules are good.

The responsibilities ones.

I will call it kind of the responsibility compass:

• Be mindful of others.
• Do the best you can.
• Be the best you can.
• Don’t kill anyone.
• Don’t purposefully do the wrong thing.
• Be honest <or maybe just don’t lie about anything big>.
• Do the right thing as often as you can.

Yet.

Some of these rules are confuxing <or are ‘confuxed’>.

What I mean by that is they can conflict with another rule depending on the situation and context. Yeah. Sometimes a rule isn’t completely straightforward, but rather a strong suggestion. And that suggests all rules are fucked up <or they fuck us up> and they are confusing.

Why?

Because there is a lot of vagary and non specifics. There is a lot of room to roam within these Life responsibilities or … uhm … our responsibilities to Life. Within all these rules and responsibilities we not only have an almost infinite boundless area in which we have freedom to roam, but we also don’t have any specific rules in how to go about living Life or even how to live life.

We also struggle, as Eliot also suggested, because we want to use last year’s words, uhm, while next year’s words are awaiting to be spoken <but most of us can’t identify those words>. What I mean by that is how we frame our rules, principles and even norms can change over time. What was once simpler (not simple) has become a bit more complex – mostly because our connections to a wider variance of variables have also increased.

Anyway. Oddly all of this vagary and boundaries are both boundless and restricting.

And maybe it is because we view these unwritten rules as too boundless we tend to begin building boundaries in the sense of constricting or measuring in steps what we do or how we should view Life. That is actually a natural reaction when, and if, you see a bunch of people acting, well, unnaturally (in unacceptable ways).

But maybe we shouldn’t view it that way.

While there are gobs of books telling us how to think and what to do … there is no ‘one way.’ There is no secret nor is there any magic formula.

That’s why life begins and ends and has something in the middle.

Something in which the only real destination that matters, or is real, is the end. Oh. And that ‘end’ is somewhere off beyond the horizon we can see.

What that means is everything else is simply a stop sign, maybe a yield sign, not a dead end sign.

Here is what I mean by that. Many people set specific destinations in life.

Goals .. milestones … whatevers.

Only to find it isn’t really a destination but rather simply a rest stop on the highway. In fact many of those destinations, which are desired and have been well defined outlined and tasked, turn out to be places we reach and as you take a look around with a satisfied sigh of completion you end up saying: ‘shit. I’m lost.’

Or.

You get there and say to yourself: “now that I have made it here , what the fuck was I thinking, I want to go farther.”

“We didn’t come this far … to only come this far.”

Unknown

And then you start all over again. The ‘rules’ – whatever you thought they were – applied, but didn’t apply.

Despite rules and norms and expectations, it is quite possible that you arrive back where you started <metaphorically; not literally> and maybe, just maybe, you will actually know it, understand it, for the first time.

I stopped telling myself that I’m lost.

I’m not.

I’m on a road with no destination, I’m just driving with hope that I’ll find a place that I like and I’ll stay there.

I’m not lost, I’m on my way.

Ahunnaya

Maybe my point here is that rules for society are mostly just signposts more than anything else. Strong suggestions as it were. This is important because:

• Life is never linear.
• Life is perpetual circles and cycles.

And yet we constantly try to make it linear only to be constantly disappointed when we end up back where we began.

And disappointed when the words we vocalize end up being last year’s words.

All I imagine I tend to think about is that, in Life, there is truly only one beginning and one end.

Everything else is somewhere in between with some wrong way signs, some yield signs and maybe some stop signs and I imagine that means most of us feel lost on occasion.

And maybe we should simply think we are … well … on our way. No matter what the rules say. Ponder.