a person who is trying to improve their future
——————-
Don’t bring up the past of a person who is trying to improve their future
Please, do not stop people from reaching a good place in life because of things they cannot take back. It is so painful.
—-
via poesy
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When I saw this posted on a tumblr site it certainly made me think about how often we remind people of their past as a comparison to the good place they may be at today.
For some reason we must feel like the comparison makes the achievement more significant.
For some reason we must feel like we have to show a ‘from there to here’ journey in order to emphasize how far we believe someone has come.
For some reason we must feel like … well … talking about the past in order to emphasize something in the present.
But why?
The person certainly knows all this already.
The person most likely has no desire to revisit the past.
The person certainly reflects on the energy and commitment it took to where they are today.
I am sure we do it with the best intentions. But maybe those intentions are misguided.
I never really thought much about this until I read the opening thought and now I cannot stop thinking about it.
“Look how far you’ve come”
“Remember when you did <insert something>?
Wow.
Realistically, those are pretty shitty things to say to someone who has already put in the work, the effort, the mental fortitude to get to the good place they are in the here & now.
Why can’t we just enjoy the present as it is?
Why can’t we just celebrate what exists in the here & now?
Why can’t we just be happy with the person they are today without having to reflect on who they may have been?
The more I think about this the crappier it sounds.
I know I do it.
I know I often feel like offering perspective is an easy way to showcase the extent of some change I see.
I know I do so with good intentions.
And maybe that is a good and effective thing to do … maybe 80% of the time. Okay. Maybe 90% of the time.
But maybe that means 10% of the time I, and we, should ignore perspective and simply highlight the beauty of what is. And, frankly, accept that what is has value in and of itself.
I say that because a person who is trying to improve their future wants to feel joy and not pain. Or maybe better said … doesn’t need to be reminded of pain to feel joy.
So. Here is a thought.
The next time you run into someone you know is moving on to something better and is working really hard to improve their future treat the moment, the interaction, as a new place you have never visited before and explore it with the wonder of exploration and discovery.
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“Each moment is a place you’ve never been.”
Mark Strand
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If you do this maybe you not only ignore the past but also will not confuse the moment with those silly semi-positive support-like platitudes like “keep going” or “the future you desire is now within your grasp.”
And maybe you help them reach a good place by simply enjoying the moment and enjoying who and what they are in that time and place.
All I know for sure is that having seen the opening quote and taking some time to think about it I will interact with someone who is trying to improve their future a little differently from this point on.
And I will certainly think long and hard before I bring up the past because, well, about the only thing it really does is bring up things left behind. I should assume if it has been left behind it is no longer needed.
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rather questions, doing a decent job day to day, doing good today doesn’t absolve you from something you did bad, doing right even though it may be wrong, doing something with good intentions, doing the right thing, doing the right thing is hard, doing what is right, don't like to see any living thing caged up, don’t be misled, Don’t bring up the past of a person, Don’t buy a gift, don’t get defined by disasters, Don’t overthink, Don’t overthink and eat a cookie, don’t pleasure, don’t pleasure him no more, don’t worry about people stealing an idea, double learning loop, Double Loop Learning, doubt, Doubt and truth intersect, doubt management, doubt resides between certainty and uncertainty, doubt something, doubt something once unquestionable, Doubters hesitate to change, doubts of words, dream big, dream big because, dreaming is not just for kids, dreaming not just for kids, Dreams aren’t necessarily a tangible material thing, dynamic beyond our own purposes, dysfunctional managers, 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random seemingly unique thoughtful gift, randomness of life, rapid diminishing of free choice, rather than in its value, rather than selfless, raw unbridled pursuit of self-interest, reach for the stars, reaching a good place in life, reaching toward it the possibilities, real disaster, real point of holiday gift-giving is, realistic enough to know when enough is enough, realization of individual goals, reason for being, reason to believe, recently took on Santa denial, recognize the limitations of their actual talent, recognize the unacceptable limits on prosperity, recognize this the better you play the Life game, recognizing limitations to talent, recognizing your limitations is a challenge, redefining children’s education with a global initiative, referencing personal branding, regard to how we view life, Regret, relationship between encouragement and discouragement, relationship between preference and value, relationships, relatively great in the scheme of things, relentlessly pursuing a dream, relevant because it corrodes the ideal, religion is bad and therefore what religious people say, reliving that moment, reluctance to believe people can change or should be forgiven, remaining choices become more and more about the soul, requires a lot of calories for a warm-blooded mammal, research, reshape their future, resilience, resiliency, resiliency and character, respect, respect for individual choice, responsibility, responsibility of actions, responsibility to children, responsible for survival instincts, restless consistency, right but wrong, right is right, right words, risk of choosing something, risk something to achieve a dream, ROI versus imagination, role of internet, root of all our shitty gift giving, root of quest, safe, safe is not always the best, safe wins, Sainsbury’s Christmas commercial is a spectacular film, same provided outcomes from the first iteration of the loop, Santa deniers, Santa deniers are allowed to promote their views, Santa’s approach, Santa’s approach hasn’t always been the most rational, Santa’s workshop look like, say it is happening when it isn’t, say thanks and get a shrug, say that something is happening when it is, saying it is fine when it is not, saying the right words, scared, Science has long shown that Santa Claus is real, search the mind, second guessing and seeking blame, secrets to collect, seduced by the urge to acquire, see within the circumstances, see your own reality, seeing the other side of choice, seek out events without fear, seek out the small to insure the big turns out right, seek to make someone speechless on occasion, seek truth, seeking the way of truth, seen this moral challenge before, self actualization, self doubt, self esteem through problem solving, self truth, self worth, self-improvement people, self-interest could fuel a successful economy only, sends the wrong message to everyday people, settle for something a little short of hope, shades of gray, share hopeful songs, sharing experiences, shit that once gave us pleasure, shitload of flawed people saying a bunch of smart, shitty gift giving, short of hope, short term concentration capabilities, shortcomings leading to consequences, should believe in Santa Claus, should not involve anything close to narcissism, should seek to build something big, should seek to find the good in what someone says, showcasing character, showing some sort of value, simple cause & effect type linear thought, simplicity in life, simplicity seems too chaotic, simplifying to make choices easier, simply assessing the echoes of history, simply enjoy the quest, simply illogical behavior cancelling out illogical behavior, simply indifferent to anything, simply survival mode, situational, six impossible things before breakfast, skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress, slippery slope, slippery slope of despair, slippery slope of I am not fine, slippery surface of irrelevant brilliance, slow paced learning, small gestures in trivial looking moments, smallest actions contribute, so long as we get somewhere, so many Santas in shops and grottos, So much time you can waste it, so you can be better, social media is not antisocial, societies exist in time more than in space, society of indulgers and accumulators, soft choices, some achievement in and of itself, some days you just have to look a little harder to see it, some experience worthy of note, some moments deserve to be pulled out of trivial status, some of them defied the odds, some people do not talk about themselves, some people drown over a full lifetime, some smart choices, something more important than fear, something that piqued my curiosity, something to think about, something was always awry, sometimes extremely unpredictable and never ordinary, sometimes produce completely irrational results, sometimes sat alone, sometimes systems work that should not work, sometimes the illogical occurs, sorting out the truth, speak after listening, speaking, specialist, Speculating on future is all about inspiring thinking, spiral of loneliness and despair, stand for something within yourself, standing on the uncertainty pedestal, standing up every time we fall down, star gazing, state of being perpetually dissatisfied, states tend to be forgetful, statistical decision theory, statistics, statistics cannot make the decision for you, statistics getting in the way of a good decision, stay or go, stimulus reponse, stop and think, Stop looking for happiness, Stop looking for happiness in the, stories, stories we will never tell, stories you want to hear, story they never want to tell, straight lines, straight lines are rare in life, stranger say they have hope for them, strategy, strength against adversity, strength of character, strength of character to make change, strengthen your critical thinking skills, stressful decisions, stretch the bars of the cages, stretch your limitations, strip away the undoable and identify the doable, struggle between energy and indolence, struggle between vitality and decay, Stuff I Like, stumble upon doing it right, stunning grace in the face of overwhelming life, style more important than substance, style over substance questions, subconscious influences behavior, subconscious is really a place of super-fast data processing, success is not a good teacher, success lies within the understanding of the process, successful economy could arise from the raw, suck at giving Christmas gifts, suck at giving gifts, suck at managing our lives against our limitations, suggested the message was misguided, suggested the Pope was a hypocrite, swallowing nonsense, symbolic dynamics, symbolic value of the exchange, systems remain stagnant, Take or be taken attitude, take revenge on doubters, take the time to search, take the time to search the mind, takers will take what you allow, takes some hard choices, taking account of reality, talking, tangled ball of string, tangled up people, teaching, teen despair, teens, that i will be tomorrow, That is courage and not confidence, that moment kind of moment, that really wasn’t necessary, that Santa Claus is real, that simply living life, that which could be, Thcourage and not confidence, the answers are within you, the best advice is priceless, the comparison makes the achievement, the crappier it sounds, the creatures of the commonplace, The Deadweight Loss of Christmas, the entanglement of nuances, the future you desire, the gift we end up finding the most value in, the global generation, The idea we all need hope, the little big things, the moments that words fail, the more we try to tailor a present precisely to a recipient, the more you do not know the more you can learn, the most powerful weapon in life is not a mission, the myth of original, the myth of the proprietary process, the naïve mistake of scanning the comments, the numbers told me what to do, the odd moment of beauty where time is not the same, the ones mad to live, the ones who actually get a second look, the only thing truly unique is your personality, the people who get lost, the pleasure of who gives them, The Pleasure Principle, the positive message, the power of friends, the progress that gives rise to hope is real and ongoing, the slaves of the ordinary, the small gesture in the trivial moment, the subconscious, the things we will sacrifice, the unimportance of that moment, the utility of the present itself to the recipient, the word failure is tough love, The word question, The word question is derived from the Latin quarrier, the world always belongs to the next generation, the world bends everyone, the world is always changing, their heads and hearts, then my gift to you is, there is always something more to learn, there is no formula for good choices, there is nothing left to give, there’s a quiet trend of improvement throughout the world, they don’t thrive on non stop goals & objectives, they think that they need more now, They're the future, They're the future of our time, things you really want, things you really want for the holidays can’t be bought, think about how often we remind people of their past, thinking, thinking impossible things, thinking is good, thinking too much, This boat is obviously sinking, This building's totally burning down, this i am today, thoughtful myth in our heads, thoughtful myth in our heads which we attach to the gift, thoughts, thoughts and things, thrive on dreams, thrive on dreams and possibilities, through the looking glass wisdom, time, time and choices, time you can waste it, timeless tradition in second guessing, to allow you to give to me, to be meaningful, to be sure of you, to play with the deadly flowers, to slay a dragon you need to believe in dragons, to write whatever you please, toni childs house of hope, too, too much focus on what you already know, torturing numbers, total pleasure and pain it will generate, tough for dreamers these days, tough on dreamers, tough to be optimistic these days, transformational people, trapped by fear, traveling with millions of toys in a confined space, trivial moments, trivial moments in bigger life, true friend, trust, trust and doubt embodies people, Trust can be objective and subjective, Trust one side too much and it dulls, truth, truth and expectations, truth goggles, truth is rarely simple, truth is what really happened, truth or lies, truth or nothing, truth to oneself, trying to improve, trying to improve their future, trying to preserve will lead to stagnation, unanticipated answers, unanticipated answers to reveal themselves, uncertainty is a bitch, uncertainty takes on geometric proportions, unclear leader, underneath greatness, understand a hopeless existence just isn’t worth living, understanding what you do as an organization, understanding your ignorance, understanding your own path to learning, unexpected innovation, unfocused leaders, unicorns symbolize hope, unintended results, unlearn, unlocking the story, unquestionable, unrealistic expectations, unrealistic future moment management, unshakeable, untangling people, until I have made the echoes out, until we meet again, upon multiple variables, urgency to find meaning, us to blame, use your imagination, used rainbows for sale, useful questions, values of independence, values of personal freedom, vibrantly alive in repose, vision, vision & hope, voice for the future, voices of a generation, wacky wisdom, waiting or living, walk in our footsteps, walking beyond our own footsteps, wandering with a direction in mind, want children to do better, want children to go beyond, wanted to show their faith in me, was not trying to make changes, wasted energy worrying, we all face the same dilemmas, we all fail, we all have dark moments, We all have moments, we all have stories, we make choices, we overlook the ability of great friends, we should all listen a little more, we should desire to make something big out, We should want to create, weighted by its duration, well rounded learning, what do you do when you get what you want, what does human freedom consist, what I know opinions, what is enough, what is overindulgence or decadence, what is pure decadence or greed, what is right and what is wrong, what is the alternative, what is the place of words, what it is to be America, what looks like chaos, what we are seeking explanations, what we have is not what we need, what we need is impossible to get, what we need to get us through, what we want is not what we need, what you do with your time, whatever it takes, whatever it takes to cross that dark bridge, when life is a disaster, when people do not listen, where are you going, where danger can look divine, whether old-fashioned or modern, while you may be highly qualified for an opportunity, whole does seem very far-fetched, whole flying reindeer thing does seem very far-fetched, wild hearts always seek to escape, will generate, Will they hold us to blame, with a little curiosity, with good intentions, within capitalism LURKS the possibility of moral poverty, woefully inadequate data, words, words reflecting experiences, words that become deeds, words worse than nothing unless they do something, work is often up to people, work nevertheless, work of a lifetime, world loves a cage, world waiting inside my cage, worry about implementing a great idea versus protecting it, yhprum’s law, you are giving the gift, you are guessing, you are not a failure because you fail, you are overcoming objections one by one, You can make an educated guess, you cannot dwell on every moment that slipped by, you doubt just enough to be humble and realistic, you fail, you have to work to get these stories, you live a little life, you lived life doing stuff, You love the gift receiver, you may gain something, you should be ready to face all sorts of problems, you will inevitably be measured by your actual deeds, ypically have to make a trade-off when gift giving
Written by Bruce
And yet…many people who’ve put in that hard work want the recognition for the progression, and the positive reinforcement that it did not go unnoticed. I’m betting they’re kinda amazed themselves, and sometimes it’s nice when someone else is amazed too.