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“You’re beginning to dislike me, aren’t you? Well, dislike me. It doesn’t make any difference to me now.”

―

W. Somerset Maugham

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Paying attention.

First.

The world is indifferent to you. To anyone in fact. It chugs along doing what it does and forces you to jump on the roller coaster and hold on or forces you to decide to create your own experience.

Second.

That means you cannot be indifferent to the indifferent world or you will never make a difference (big, medium or small). More likely you will just get steamrolled by indifferent Life.

Third.

Not being indifferent means you have to pay attention. This is where it gets tricky. It gets tricky because Life squeezes you between events & people. Events happen and you have to keep your head on a swivel to not only see what is happening but try and get a sense of what is coming. People are, well, people. You actually don’t have to keep your head on a swivel because it is more like people just bounce off of you whether you like it or. Even worse? Someone you don’t even know who has made some decision in some place you weren’t even invited to is most likely creating something you need to be paying attention for.

Fourth.

So now we get to people. You can’t be completely indifferent to people, but you also can’t always let people make a difference on you. In Life we learn this lesson fairly early on <as soon as we walk into a grade school>. In business we get blindsided. We get blindsided because you think a lot of the school bullshit will not happen in the business world.

I could write a book on this topic but suffice it to say my message to the good people, the ones who want to play fair, maintain integrity and conduct business with dignity:

Someone will always find something nefarious in what you are doing.

Yeah. This sucks.

I will not call this conspiracy thinking but, in general, a business culture more often than not breeds a sense that <a> everyone is out for themselves and <b> there is no such thing as a truly altruistic business motivation. And while it would be naïve of me to suggest that avoiding those two thoughts as ‘stupid & untrue’ it is a little sad that those beliefs pretty much underlie every organization.

Please note, once again, the people aspect in everything I have noted. You may want to avoid things but you will find your destiny along the path you have chosen strewn with a shitload of people crossing your path uninvited and many unwelcome.

I say that because that is your career.

So let me suggest something <maybe a little contrarian>.

I would suggest that Life is best lived by not ignoring shit and avoiding shit but rather stepping into the world an deal with it. Sometimes that may mean side stepping some of the shit you don’t want to deal with and sometimes that may mean bludgeoning your way over and through some of the shit you don’t want to deal with but if you do this you actually have some control over your own destiny. I say that because the problem with trying to maintain your Life on a parallel track, and knowing that inevitably it will be crossed by people & shit you had been purposefully avoiding, is that you will always be reacting to the bullshit rather than proactively facing it.

Look. While you may not care about business or business politics my point is my point you cannot avoid the world to conduct yourself in the ways & means you want to conduct yourself. You are stuck with the world, and in the world, whether you like it or not.

Oh.

The other thing you are stuck with is the fact whether you stay on your road of ‘how I’m gonna do things right’ engaged with the world or take another road to try and avoid the world you don’t like, well, you will meet your destiny.

The world is indifferent to the road you choose. So you should probably choose to not be indifferent and at least choose the road you want to be on rather than be stuck on one not of your choosing.

=========

“Some days you just have to say ‘fuck it, I did what I could today’ and just let go of all the stuff you wanted to do.

Life is too short to be angry with yourself for being human. “

—

(via thissadghost)

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“Compassion directed toward oneself is true humility.”

―

Simone Weil

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“Honestly, you just take a deep breath and say fuck it.”

Johnny Knoxvill

====

This is about the fallacy of positive thinking and its unhealthy relationship with perfection.

Perfection, or the pursuit of perfection, may be one of the biggest mental challenges that anyone – business or in Life – we face psychologically.

It is a tug of war mind game between wanting to do your best and measuring what your best looked like. this tug of war brings out the absolute fucking worst in managers. Leaders, businesses and individuals.

Suffice it to say … this is the absolute worst game in Life & business.

While I think about this often, as I think most people do, I can say it reared its truly ugly head again as I read a sadly insipid article on Ted Ideas written in some pseudo intellectual vein with regard to cause & affect <in that a negative action will have negative ripples you are responsible for … even if it is not immediate> and that more people should do and think positive thoughts because it causes more positive ‘effects’ <ripples> which you will also be responsible for.

Yeah … the ‘net net’ is be positive and you will be responsible for positive things.

Well. That is certainly, uhm, bullshit.

Our actions ripple. And the whole idea that if we have a positive intent and think positive thoughts that all the ripples will impact people positively is … well … absurd. Maybe even a little nuts.

Many of our actions do not have an immediate effect. And, frankly, encouraging people to invest gobs of energy suggesting ‘positive intent has some positive affect you cannot even imagine’ makes the whole pursuit of perfection take on an additional level of absurdity <which will inevitably only encourage non positive thoughts with regard to self … and peals of laughter in hallways of businesses around the world>.

Look. I am all for being positive. And I am absolutely all for positive intent. Unfortunately Life and business is more likely to judge me on outcome.

So encouraging people to think that approaching everything positively means you need not worry or even think twice about the action you took ,or are about to take, is stupid. This absolutely crazy article blamed a systemic lack of awareness with regard to action & reaction as the reason they … well … “we want you to know, that we are all being affected by these actions, whether it is you who has made the decision or not, because the actions that they take are so negative, the reactions will be extremely negative and far reaching. You will be affected, directly.”

Good god almighty. People actually believe this crap?

Negativity and negative reactions are far more likely to occur if you have a smile on your face and say positive things and then take a stupid action which creates a bad affect <negative output after positive input increases dissatisfaction and negative self esteem thoughts>.

It is absolutely correct to state that every action, no matter how small, has an effect.

It is absolutely correct to state that the effect may not be immediate <but inevitable>.

But, as with everything, not all actions – little or small — are created equal. And this is where that whole fucking perfection comes into play. Pursuit of perfection more often than not adds on a layer of ‘fear’ to choices <and the inevitable actions>.

I would suggest that how we manage our ‘fear choices’ have a larger impact in general as they ripple out.

I say this because our fear choices can often represent the best, and the worst, in us from a behavior standpoint, a character standpoint and even a skill standpoint. I will also suggest that attaching “be positive” to “fear choices/moments’ is a task of fools.

Anyway. Pursuit of perfection, even if you are absurdly positive, makes the effect of your action almost one big frickin’ lottery. Suffice it to say that even the most well thought mature choices may go awry.

That doesn’t make you any less perfect.

That doesn’t make you any less positive <or more negative>.

That simply makes you human.

You control what you can and recognize that most of it all is out of your control.

Yet.

You make your choices.

You endure the consequences.

You move on.

In the end. There is no reason to get angry with yourself as long as you are trying, and keep trying, because Life is too short to be angry with yourself for being human.

——–

“No amount of thinking can stop thinking.”

==

Mark Nepo

———-

I am fairly sure that everyone wishes, at least sometimes, that you had a power off button for your brain (& thoughts). Your head is working so hard and it just keeps running and all you want is to be able to take a breath, or get some sleep or just slow down some of the things roaming around your head.

Now. I don’t know about everyone else, but the time I really, and I mean REALLY, want a power off button is when I am not worried, when I am not stressed, when I am not overwrought, when I am not, well, anything.  Yet, in those moments I still find there are a shitload of thoughts crammed into my head and I want to not actually stop my thoughts from going crowding my mind and swirling round and round but rather slow them down so I can pluck out the meaningful ones.

Millions of things always try and crowd into our brains.

It can be exhausting. And it can actually be frustrating because you do not really accomplish anything.

Ok. I will share two thoughts. First is how to power off and the second is my theory on why our brains ‘power up’ so often.

– Powering off

Here is the oddest thing about a power off switch. It sounds counterintuitive, but, you actually want to think to shut it down.

Yup. Silence actually encourages more ‘mind power’ or space to fill by ‘powering up’ your mind, i.e., more over thinking. Go figure.

This means that the way to actually power off is to … well … think. Ah. But a certain type of thinking — think: repetition thinking.

<note: that’s why counting sheep is actually effective>.

You want to think about something mindless so your mind mostly shuts down (really it just slows down) by focusing on one inane thing. Eventually it even gets bored and … yup … powers off.

Frankly, it’s a fallacy to think you want to shut your brain off. And, frankly, it is impossible. So the trick is to fill up the space with non thinking thinking. Its kind of like slowing things down by speeding up thinking about one thing. Non thinking thinking works because the more you try not to think about all of the things on your mind the more you actually think about it. Reading that last sentence it sounds to obtuse to make sense <but I assume you get my point> … so I am gonna shut down my brain on that thought and move on.

– Bruce’s theory on why our brains ‘power up/on’ so often.

To me, the root of our desire for having a power off switch revolves around Life unevenness – more specifically, how we grow unevenly <something I wrote about back in 2014 … growing up unevenly.>

Suffice it to say as we expand ourselves and our minds and get better as people <intellectually and experience-wise> it all makes us grow unevenly.

Why does this matter? Well. The well rounded circle or the classical myth of a ‘well rounded person’ is … well … simply a myth yet it is something that has been pounded into our heads. It creates a false narrative with regard to our expectations about Life in our heads.

As you learn and think and experience you do not expand smoothly but raggedly. Day after day, despite the fact you may feel like your Life is a grind or you are in some rut, you are constantly running toward some thought and experience … or … leaping from danger or something you dislike and … well … suffice it to say it is anything but balanced. And it is certainly not creating any smooth well rounded growth.

My main point? There is no such thing as a well-rounded person <that alone makes us uncomfortable and makes us think far far too much of rounding out the unevenness>. You may aspire to be well rounded but even at your best you are some shape other than a circle type person. And this means our minds excitedly explore the edged forays into interesting things and in parallel get snagged on the ragged edges of unexplored thoughts or even second guesses with regard to the lack of smoothness in our lives, thoughts and growth.

Yeah. This can make us feel uncomfortable and our mind wrestles with this discomfort as well as dealing with the ragged edges constantly poking at us.

Here is the truth.

Ignorance is boundless.

Knowledge is limited <only in terms of time>.

And learning is never symmetrical.

Therefore, our minds are always grappling with the uneven edges of our lives. And, therefore, the fact our minds are ‘powered up’ is simply a reflection of our personal growth. Oh, as we all know, not all growth is painless so we take all the good & the bad and … well … think. That is Bruce’s theory on why our brains power up so often.

Anyway.cSometimes I do wish I had a power off switch for my thoughts and my mind. But, I will admit, not often. I like thinking. No. I love thinking. And once I had developed the “Bruce theory for why our minds work so hard especially after it has been working hard all day long” I realized that a mind that is powered up isn’t really worried or getting tangled up in regrets <although that does happen> it is just growing.

It is growing raggedly and unevenly.

I would like to say it gives us an edge and some edge. And I like that thought. So maybe we should worry less about ‘powering off’ our brains and just enjoy the brain power while its on.

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“Sliding down the slippery slope of mediocrity.”

–

David Ogilvy

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Ok. I believe the actual quote was “the slippery surface of irrelevant brilliance”, but I thought I saw somewhere he said what I wrote above.

Regardless. This is a Life and business lesson. So let’s just call it “truth.” Its a truth about work, effort, decisions, compromise, lies (or “half-truths”) and almost anything else I can think of.

Slippery slopes are incredibly easy to step onto AND get stuck on. What do I mean?

“Just this once” you say to yourself when you are tired. Whatever the decision or action we are discussing, to you, in the moment … it is mentally “an exception”.

“Just this once” when you are asked a question and you ponder your answer. Maybe you embellish.

“Just this once” you say to yourself when you put off that thing you wanted to do. A workout. A chore. A book. A project. A diet. A decision.

“Just this once” you say to yourself when it is a silly rule or it isn’t really unethical, but its not 100% ethical, it’s just in the margins of “okay to do.”

Before you know it <after some “just this onces“> you have edged on to that slippery slope. Once has become many and many becomes the standard.

Life is funny that way. Its sneaky. It permits you to look at things in a mutually exclusive way so that you don’t really see the accumulation of events & decisions.

Think of it maybe this way. In that incomparable <and totally underrated> movie The Replacements there is a scene where Keanu Reeves talks about it as “quicksand”.

It’s the same thing. You get in it. And you fight hard but you just can’t stop sliding down. In fact the harder you try to fight it … the worse it seems to get. And it is a truly helpless feeling. That’s quicksand in life. That is the slippery slope.

Oh. Maybe the worst thing about the slippery slope is that most people don’t realize they have started sliding until it is too late. Because the slippery slope is tricky smart. Sly in fact. It teases you with some easy low consequence decisions upfront. For example … you are on a diet and just have one dessert. One occasion, one time <some people are tempted to call this “reward for good behavior” which is simply another trick the slippery slope plays upon you>.

Maybe the slope even tempts you with permitting a small embellishment. Just a small addition at the end of a thought. Just a couple of words you wish you hadn’t said but didn’t seem to be that big. And the next time it becomes a few more words. And then … before you know it … the embellishment has taken on a life of its own.

Anyway.

It is one of my quests in life to find good people who have mistakenly started the slide and lend a hand to pull them back up. Professionally and personally.

Does that mean I am better than mediocrity? Shit no.

I just recognize that sense of helplessness and I like people to have hope for something better then the helpless feeling found on some stupid slippery slope.

I also believe there are a shitload of really good people … and I mean good as in talented and good as in heart & soul … who just get caught on the slope and life makes it even more difficult to figure out a way to get off the fucking slope.

Anyway. This quote reminds me of two things.

1. Pay attention to everything. It’s the only way to insure mediocrity can’t gain momentum (because we all have to compromise on occasion)

2. Help those who have that look of “how the hell did I get so far down this slope” by grabbing their hand and pulling them back up whenever you have a chance. There are some incredible people and some incredible talent out there that just got caught on life’s slippery slope. It doesn’t mean they are mediocre by any stretch of the imagination. It is simply that they got caught on the slippery slope and didn’t know how to get off.

Ok. Because I used a Replacements scene as an example of the slippery slope <and a really good scene in the overall perspective of the movie with a good message about second chances and shit like that> I want to end with one more Replacements reference.

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“Greatness, no matter how short, stays with a person forever.”  

gene hackman (replacements)

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We all seek t do something great – be it big or small. For most of us greatness will never be a lifetime tag. In fact for many of us <me for sure> this is a Truth.

But. A great moment? A great action? A great thing? Yeah. We all have it in us. And maybe that is where the slippery slope is such a bastard. Once you have done a couple of ‘just onces’ and you are on the slippery slope that one moment of greatness may appear and, well, that greatness slips by. All your ‘just onces’ cost you a chance at the one ‘once’ that really matters. How does that happen? When you are buried in the suckhole of mediocrity 2 things happen:

(1) your doubt with regard to whether you can actually do the great increases (and doubt creates hesitancy and hesitancy creates, well, missed opportunities),

(2) your slow side into mediocrity convinces everyone around you that you are, well, mediocre – only capable of doing that which is mediocre. this matters because 99% of greatness is attained only with oethr’s assistance. No assistance, no greatness.

All that said.

We shouldn’t dwell on greatness nor that one moment or thing  (for a life is never defined by one moment of greatness). We should invest that ‘dwelling energy’ at doing our best to avoid the slippery slope of mediocrity.

However, I will point out an easy moment of greatness. When someone who has been stuck on the slippery slope and is struggling to get off and just can’t see how to get off and out of the mediocre suckhole, well, reach out, give them a hand, remind them what greatness looks like, point out what makes it happen and what they are capable of. I would argue if you did that, in that moment, in some magical way, you may also have achieved your own moment of greatness.

=======================

“But I will find new habits, new thoughts, new rules. I will become something else.”

—–

Divergent

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Well. I encountered a neat thing called the “20 Things” which is a little assignment this small consulting company sometimes uses with people they are considering adding to staff:  “What are the 20 things that have defined you – experiences, books, movies, people, travel, challenges, etc.”  When a friend told me about it I immediately began scribbling down ‘things.’ It was surprising how fast the important ones are noted and how easy it is to “fill in” to get to 20.

That said … and me being quite comfortable not following rules … I ended up with 15. They show up in no real order except number 1 and number 15.

I purposefully bookended the list with the two most impactful in terms of immediate and ongoing impact. 2 thru 14 can be juggled any way you want.

–          my grandfather

The greatest man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. A simple kind man who honored integrity, kindness and truth above all. He taught me more about me, life and how to live Life <without overtly teaching> than anyone I have ever known. He remains my North Star for my life. I can only hope to be half the man he ever was … but at least he gave me something to aim for.

–          the pulled foul ball

Sports always came quite easily to me. And then I pulled a foul ball off a Tom Seaver fastball <before I struck out swinging on a slider which disappeared just before I was sure I had the fat part of my bat on it … hey, c’mon, the guy did win 3 Cy Youngs>. Regardless. I realized this was as good as it was going to get with me & sports. It didn’t mean I stopped sports, it just meant that I realized I needed to get going on the rest of my life.

–          The Hobbit

The first “real” book I remember. I devoured Hardy Boys & Nancy Drew until there were no more, but when I heard The Hobbit read to me during reading period in elementary school I entered a world of words & imagery & imagination — and thinking of ‘what if.’  It hooked me on books and reading and thinking. The first time I read The Hobbit myself I was still too young to see anything but goblins & elves. I have read it maybe 10 times <probably more> and I still see new things every time I read it.

–          Diplomacy <by Henry Kissinger>

I wish I had found this book earlier in my life. On the other hand, I may not have understood it earlier. Kissinger writes about diplomacy, but he is really discussing problem solving. He gave me one thing: “studying history is not analogous but contextual.” More people should heed this lesson. I certainly have learned this lesson.

–          Supertramp <my first concert, and more specifically, their encore song “crime of the century”>

I grew up in a house with music, but it all changed at my first concert and especially the encore. The encore was maybe 10 plus minutes of music and film with a growing image of hands on prison bars in space and I walked out of there in a thoughtful excited daze. I had words & notes & imagery imprinted in my brain from that point on as a powerful tool to inspire me to think in different & creative ways. Music has never left my life <and I have forgiven Supertramp for doing Breakfast in America>. Music and imagery is at the core of how I think and like to express myself <when it is possible and relevant to do so>.

–          Spike Lee

I was in my early 30’s in the audience when I heard Spike Lee say these words about his films: “I recognize everything I do impacts how people think … and even what they do … I have a responsibility every time I create anything.” It changed how I viewed what I did and actually how I did it moving forward. Basically I began assuming responsibility for everything I created. I have never stopped assuming that responsibility.

–          unstuck

I was a young manager with far to much responsibility doing the best I could and after one meeting my boss looked at me and said “nice job, they’ve been stuck on that for years, but you got them past it.” It was when I realized it appeared like my skill, or ability, was to “unstuck” people, businesses & situations. The truth is from that point on I actively began seeking things to ‘unstuck’. Maybe an odd version of ‘finding my passion’ or ‘doing what I love to do’, but I preferred thinking of it as making things unstuck.

–          St. Chappelle

I grew up in a home where we were expected to understand religious choices, but was, in general, ambivalent to religion. I was always indifferently interested in religion. I imagine I just took a pragmatic view on life in which God didn’t really enter into the equation. And then I visited St. Chappelle in Paris <across the street from Notre Dame>. As I entered the petit chapel and the sunlight filtered through the floor to ceiling stained glass it is the closest I have ever felt to not only believing in God, but actually believing I was in the presence of God. I am still not religious, but I respect religion and I imagine, in some small way, I better understand how God can positively affect someone’s life.

–          Madman Across the Water

The first time I heard Elton John’s Madman Across the Water album I think I immediately stole the lyrics from the album sleeve. The words made me think. The words made me create images in my head. The words inspired me to try and create words of my own that made others think & create images. That album made me a “words guy.” Plus. Every song on that album was just darn good.

–          suicide

I believe anyone who has been impacted by someone close to them committing suicide is never the same again. She was beautiful, kind and a friend. And she left with an entire life ahead of her. I imagine I felt like I did not do my part to show her what great things lay ahead of her. I vowed to never make that mistake again.

–          “I do not really care”

Graduate school. Case study discussion

“Mr. McTague … what would you do?” Me? “Well … I do not really care.”

Flippant careless response. It ended up on the front board for the remainder of the semester. And I should have been hung out to dry. I was technically correct that the point <of which I seemed to have grasped fairly early in business life> is that there are several ‘right’ or even ‘best’ solutions to a challenge, but I should have realized that words and how you articulate an idea & thought are almost as important as the idea itself. I vowed to never make that mistake ever again. A good thought can die if it is not articulated well.

–          “do not go gentle into that good night”

I have a love/hate relationship with poetry. I am fascinated with how words can be put together in ways that make you feel something inside, but all the rules of ‘effective and proper’ poetry drove me nuts. It was so constricting for something that should be so free. And then I came across Dylan Thomas’ “do not go gentle.” Whew. I found my anthem. Some call it ‘bull in a china shop living’ I simply point to ‘do not go gentle into the good night.’ It isn’t about dying it is about living. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. It was a great lesson.

–          Polly

My first boss. A woman in a man’s industry <advertising> who was in a senior position and did it her way, but with the flexibility to permit the next generation to flourish. She didn’t know shit about these new fangled computers that all the young people were talking about <this was in the 80’s>, but she put one on every one of our desks. She could do the same thing by hand faster than we could do it on the computer, but she kept sending us back to our computers. She mentored the youngest, guided the more experienced and managed everyone. She permitted individuality and built a team. Oh. And she set me up with her daughter. Anyway. She taught me how to be a boss and I was straight out of school. Most importantly, she taught me women were essential to progress & productivity in business. Simplistically, I owe everything in my career to a woman.

–          Kiev war museum <although I could have put the Holocaust Museum here>

Perspective. Nothing provides perspective in life than viewing the kind of death inflicted by one human on another human. And not just ordinary death but death in the extreme. I cried in both of these places. I could pound out some horrible numbers on my keyboard that would make your head hurt to express this learning tangibly … but why?

Simply. I cried. Humans can be very cruel if they are not careful.

–          To Kill a Mockingbird

My bookshelves are strewn with books I value and love. It is tempting to list the best of the best because they all made a positive impact and have been reread time and time again. But when one book is simply ‘the one’ why invest energy overthinking. To Kill a Mockingbird is my ‘one.’ I fell in love with Scout – her words and thoughts and questions. I still ask the same questions looking at today’s world and think of Scout’s thoughts daily. Harper Lee showed us that sometimes a child can see clearer than the most brilliant adults in the world. Listening to the young reminds us of things we have forgotten and they can actually teach us many things through the simplicity of youth. Regardless. Everyone should read this book.

That’s it. I had a bunch of other ‘things’ fighting for the 16 thru 20 slots but, frankly, they were just at a different level than 1 thru 15. I believe lists like this should be about quality and not quantity.

This is a worthwhile exercise for everyone. Everyone’s list will look different and some people may actually have 20 worthwhile events/learning moments instead of just 15, but who cares. It isn’t a competition. It is simply reflecting upon who you are as a person. This exercise reminded me we are all architects of our own Life. While many things are out of our control, many things are ours to do … or not do.

Is my list done? Gosh. I hope not. “This I am today … that I will be tomorrow.“

————————–

“I knew I wasn’t the best and that I probably never would be. I was always competing, and I did all right, but I was never number one. I knew I wasn’t the best singer but I knew I didn’t have to be the best. My intense compulsion to write and sing my songs along with my persistence and dedication would carry me when I got bogged down in doubt and fear. And my imperfections would distinguish me. However they tortured me sometimes, my imperfections were what made me unique.”

======

From Juliana Hatfield biography “When I grow Up”

————————-

This is about self reflection, self awareness and aspects of growing up <although I think a lot of people could use some of these learnings>.

The opening quote is about as thoughtful a ‘growing up’ thought as anyone could have. Yet. It almost seems un-American <’I knew I wasn’t the best’> while at the same time an excellent recognition of ‘I didn’t have to be the best.’

Whew. I wish we taught this more often. To kids, to employees, heck, to people in general.  Competing is the name of the game. Only one can be the best. There is only one number one <hence its name>. So that one thought, ‘I can be successful and not have to be the best’, is fabulous.

In addition.

As we ‘compete’ in Life I imagine everyone is tortured in some way by our own imperfections but if we take a moment we can revel in those same imperfections as the things that make us unique. Interestingly, we can often be tortured by both things — uniqueness and imperfections. So often we want to be ‘like others’ despite not wanting to be like everyone else. Yikes. Now if there isn’t a paradox in life I don’t know what is.

Regardless.

Standing out in any way can be painful <at its worst> and a burden <at almost all times>. The sooner we can accept that <and hopefully teach our kids this> the sooner you accept the burden and move on.

Trite thought about individual imperfections/uniqueness, but, it is what it is <they are what they are>.

You can either invest a shitload of energy wishing it was something else or invest the energy being ‘persistent and dedicated’ toward something so you don’t get bogged down.

Recognition, self-awareness, is also a glimpse of the fact you sacrifice some aspects of ‘growing up’ when you put some blinders on professionally. In other words, your career becomes – or dominates – your life and other things inevitably get sacrificed.

Along this self awareness path we have to make some choices. They often get reflected in the things we all do on occasion despite the fact someone, who supposedly knows better, tells us it is or is not the thing to do. I am not going to suggest we should ignore what other people tell us. In fact. You do listen, choose t do or ignore. Inevitably this is often a lot of trial & error in finding out your own ‘what to do’ compass. Each time something happens you will always ask yourself ‘why’ or ‘what does this have to do with music <or your version of that>?  Sometimes you will scratch your head and wonder, sometimes you will scream in frustration and sometimes, well, it turns out okay.

The one thing I know for sure? The inner voice develops over time. Along the way you hope to avoid looking like an idiot but <I hate to break the news to you> you will look like an idiot at some point.

At some point in childhood, in your working years, heck, as a parent — you will look like an idiot. Why? Because Life doesn’t come with a ‘how to’ manual. You learn ‘how to’ live life by doing and watching and listening <and being an idiot>.

Sure. At some point your inner voice matures but until then? You will do something at some point that will make you look like an idiot.

Sometimes part of your idiocy is driven by what most people call ‘your passion.’ While every job, every career, every person has its challenges and issues a lot of peple forge their way thru this obstacle course focused on “what is my passion.”

Well. The grass may look greener but even your passion comes with some issues. Yes. Even following your passion is work at some point. That doesn’t mean you don’t love it and aren’t happy you chose doing it, but everything and anything can become a grind. No one really tells you that when discussing ‘follow your passion.’

Lastly.

Confidence in self. Whew. People with confidence can seem so intimidating in their, well, confidence. It is a suit of armor that protects them from the rest of us ‘less confident’ people. But here’s the deal. Confidence doesn’t equal knowledge or skill or ability.

Simplistically, all confidence equals is confidence. It is simply an attitude <albeit it sometimes appears as a skill>. Until actions match attitude all you gots is a whole bunch of attitude. To be clear. Hollow confidence is hollow and will not get you shit or anywhere except in the shit and nowhere.

It seems un-american these days to suggest that confidence isn’t the key to success. But here is a Life thought to ponder … maybe it is simply being a little less insecure that can insure some success — not having more confidence.

Having less of something means getting more of something else? <sometimes a good Life formula>

Sure. Someone could probably argue that is confidence but I would suggest it is simply being lessening some weight slowing you down and rather than adding something that can pull you forward <but possibly is an additional burden>.

But, hey … that sounds a lot of some Law of Gravity or something like that and what the heck does that have to do with Life? Everything.

You don’t have to be the best. You don’t have to be the most confident. You don’t have to be perfect. All you have to be is your best version of you.

===

“Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you’ve got.”

–

Janis Joplin

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“Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

–

Eleanor Roosevelt

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Well.

I put these two quotes together on purpose which makes me say … who would have thought you could hear such an insightful thought from both ends of the spectrum – a woman who many believe ran our country for a period of time (if not absolutely influential on a variety of national programs) and a woman with amazing creative talent who dragged herself down into the depths of insecurity and loneliness?

And, yet, they both articulated the strength of “self.”

Ok. How about at least understanding that being true to yourself is the core to everything in life.

Now (part 1). True to yourself can actually be a tricky thing. It can be tricky because who you are today is NOT who you were yesterday. You learn, experience things, unlearn and while you may be grounded in integrity the trappings of you will shift & adapt.

Now (part 2). Life will do everything in its power to convince you that you have no clue what is ‘true to yourself.’

Society will do everything in its power to convince you that you not only have no clue what is ‘true to yourself’ but, also, if you have found your ‘true compass’ that your compass is pointed in the wrong direction.

Here is what I know.

I have learned, and know, you have to encourage people (and myself) to not let others drag you down.

I have learned, and know, your true compass doesn’t have to be defined in some words or be able to be described to people it just, well, points in the right direction.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen to others and accept constructive criticism but, in the end, you are you. You aren’t inferior unless you believe it to be so. You aren’t superior to anyone & anything. You listen and look at your compass.

It sounds simple. And it is simple. But incredibly difficult to do.

You can adapt. All people do. That’s what experiencing Life is all about. But don’t ignore North on your compass. The moment you decide to go east, west, even northwest … you have began compromising who and what you are. Stay pointed North.

—–

“A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.”

=

Stanislaw Lem

—-

Well.

Suffice it to say Hope is a pretty resilient motherfucker. And I am glad it is.

Sometimes life beats the crap out of you. And I mean REALLY beats the shit out of you.

It beats you up enough that sometimes it makes reality take on some insurmountable size and shape … all but blocking out any sight of dreams.

And in doing so … by blocking sight to dreams the only thing a person can fall back on is Hope.

And that’s what bravery is all about.

In spite of everything.

In spite of all that happens, which by almost any measure would make you decide that hope & dreams are a waste of time, you maintain some hope.

In spite of all the shit that makes you begin thinking that time is better spent dealing with reality, you maintain hope.

I say this because, in the end, I tend to believe it is some version of bravery that keeps your head focused on maintaining hope. Because you have to be brave in some form or fashion to maintain some faith in something that can be difficult to see <especially if reality is standing in the way>.

You have to be brave to maintain some dreams you have.

You have to be brave to maintain some thought that there is something beyond the reality of the moment.

Unfortunately.

Reality is the inevitable. The inevitable of Life <which actually represents, unfortunately, ‘things beyond your control’>. What I mean is that some things are inevitable in your Life once someone else decides to pursue something in their Life … especially if their decision invokes some relentlessness. And … in that ‘inevitable space’ … sometimes there are often truly no good solutions to the situations <not just problems … just regular everyday situations> that arise.

There are only bad and less bad solutions. And within that quandary it becomes even easier to lose hope.

Because that quandary most often is involving what is seemingly mundane everyday stuff … not the really big stuff. And when that happens you begin thinking … “shit … if I cannot even navigate the little stuff how the hell will I steer myself toward the big stuff <my dreams & things I hope for>.”

And you feel … well … fucked.

Fucked because Hope only provides an unclear future. There are no specifics and no clear destinations. And sometimes hope get additionally blurred by your desire to be able to see into the future.

But here is the deal.

Being able to see the future doesn’t make you any smarter or wiser than anyone else. And it certainly doesn’t stop you from making mistakes. All it does is to let you know what a problem is and how big the problem is … but it doesn’t give you any way to do anything about it.

Seeing the future just enables you to … well … see it … but you cannot do anything but deal with it <not change it per se>. And in dealing with it … therein lies the bravery.

Dealing with the daily battle to keep your Hope.

—

“I carry the battle in me.”

=

A Six Word Story

—

Each day, whether you pay attention to it or not, you carry the battle between hope and reality. The battle is defined by bravery. That is the only way you win the battle.

I imagine the opposite is cowardice. And the thought that it is the cowards <or the ‘unbrave’> who give in to reality and let hope die <or lose>. Frankly … I don’t like that. Nor do I really believe it. I don’t think its cowardly.

I just think it’s … well … very easy to let the reality of Life grind you down. You can be the bravest sonuvabitch and still find your hopes & dreams being crushed.

But.

I will say this.

You must be brave in the face of reality if you want your dreams and hope to even have a chance. And if you believe such a thing as bravery is too daunting?

Well.

Remember this.

If you give hope a chance, even a glimmer of a chance, it will win the battle against reality.

How can I say that?

Reality is, in the end, always negotiable.

================

“Biology gives you a brain. Life turns it into a mind.”

—

Jeffrey Eugenides

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Ok.

So I thought I had left the whole right brain left brain discussion behind.

And it reared its ugly head again one more time just the other day. And <distressingly> it was in a business environment, with senior people, discussing people’s strengths & weaknesses.

Look.

This whole right brain, left brain thing about creativity versus ‘logical’ thinking has to stop.

Stop … now <please>.

The truth?

We use our whole brain for thinking. Not halves. And right brain left brain mumbo jumbo is just that … a bunch of mumbo jumbo crap.

Yup.

The whole thing is bullshit.

Trust me <you don’t really have to because I will share reasons why you should>. And if you don’t believe me … well … if you ever want to drive a psychologist/psychiatrist/neurologist/any ‘ist’ crazy … bring it up.

With that … a reminder on what his whole thing is. In the right-left mythology … the left brain is logical, ordered, and analytic, and it supports reading, speech, math, and reasoning. In the same myth … the right brain is more oriented towards feelings and emotions, spatial perception, and the arts, and is said to be more creative.

Well.

Interesting myth. And it is just a myth. It is wrong (wrong & wrong … and maybe even wrong again).

And we have actually known for at least 30 years that this characterization is incorrect.

In fact the guy who probably put us all in this mess originally <Mike Gazzaniga who created the study in the 60’s that some pop psychologist used to write some fantasy-like left/right brain business books that became best sellers> who was a pioneer of modern study of brain hemispheric differences immediately tried to put a stop to the craziness as soon as it began with a book chapter titled “Left brain, right brain: A debunking.”

And he did that 25 years ago.

<note: he wrote it because the original crap was begun after he did a brain hemisphere study in the 60’s>

And, yet, there is still plenty of bunk to go around.

Its crazy.

I myself have gnashed my teeth <and sometimes growled> against the “left brain / right brain” myth for years <probably not 25 but a bunch>. It usually is personal <and I believe this is so for most people>. People are always trying to tell me how “right-brained” I am <or left … I get confused>.

Which I always find amusing since whatever I am doing invariably needs whatever the other side of the brain was supposed to be doing.

Plus. I would like to think I am using my whole frickin’ brain.

But.

It mostly aggravates me ,and kind of disturbs me> because it is deliberately misleading.

It has been used to support endless management dialogue telling us that we should liberate ourselves from too much left-brain ‘logical’ thinking and enjoy the fruits of our liberated, right-brained creativity <or vice versa depending on your management belief system>.

Look.

People may be inherently more visual, aural, spatial, sequential, intuitive, rational <or irrational> talented or non-talented … but it ain’t because of anything to do with left versus right brain.

Ok.

If you don’t trust me I pulled this from a medical journal.

A more technical explanation of how the whole thing went haywire:

==

You’ve probably heard this left/ right brain dichotomy before. It goes something like this: the left hemisphere of the brain is logical, deductive, mathematical, etc., while the right hemisphere is artistic, visual and imaginative. The idea stems at least partly from the classic studies of split brain patients performed by Sperry and Gazzaniga in the 1960s.

There are some functional asymmetries in the brain, and it is true that certain regions of both hemispheres are specialized for particular functions. Speech illustrates this, but also shows that nothing is ever so simple when it comes to the brain: in most right-handed people, speech is processed in both hemispheres, but predominantly in the left. In some left-handers, speech is processed either predominantly in the right hemisphere or on both sides.

So the notion that someone is “left-brained” or “right-brained” is absolute nonsense. All complex behaviours and cognitive functions require the integrated actions of multiple brain regions in both hemispheres of the brain. All types of information are probably processed in both the left and right hemispheres (perhaps in different ways, so that the processing carried out on one side of the brain complements, rather than substitutes, that being carried out on the other).

An article was published this week in the venerable (and reliable) psychology journal Psychological Bulletin, which synthesized 67 brain imaging studies of creativity. Among other things, it showed that creativity is not especially a right-brain function. In fact, two of three broad classes of creative thought that have been studied seem not to depend on a single set of brain structures.

What we call “creativity” is so diverse that it can’t be localized in the brain very well.

One might think that this study would put to rest at least part of the left brain/right brain mythology, namely, that the right hemisphere of the brain is more responsible for creative thought than the left.

One would think so, but I wouldn’t count on it.

==

My conclusion?

I put the whole right/left brain thing in the same category as reading a horoscope or reading my own tarot cards. If you give someone a vague positive description in which they can see themselves they will tend to agree with you. And that is dangerous on a number of levels <if people actually believe it>.

Ok.

Here is the main reason I bring this up <beyond the fact it drives me crazy and it is still being seriously discussed in the business world>. It has a detrimental effect on education and how we manage our youth. It is as bad as social profiling when it comes to kids.

Left brain kid.

Right brain kid.

You carry that label and not only does the child begin to see themselves in that label <it is kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy> the adults tag the child with the label. And start treating them that way. And expecting things based on the labeling.

All of a sudden the child is placed on the left, or right, brain treadmill <oops … I meant to say moving sidewalk>.

And then they are left there.

Uh oh.

One day the child wants to jump off the treadmill to hop on the other one for a while … <adults> “whoa … get back on your treadmill … you know that other one is only for the right brainers … and you will be much more successful on the left brain treadmill <sidewalk>.”

That, my friends, reads scary even if it seems just a theory.

And we all know that at some place, at some time, with some children … this is actually happening.

We need to squash this left/right brain myth forever. Now <please … again>.

We use all of our brain.

Brains are ambidextrous.

And even if you, personally, do not want to believe this, well, please … at least teach kids that is is so.

====================================

“Rabbit’s clever,” said Pooh thoughtfully.
“Yes,” said Piglet, “Rabbit’s clever.”
“And he has Brain.”
“Yes,” said Piglet, “Rabbit has Brain.”
There was a long silence.
“I suppose,” said Pooh, “that that’s why he never understands anything.”

—

Winnie the Pooh

==============

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Generally said if the affected person should free himself from materialism or minor important things, thus set his mind over those and hence care about more crucial things, not seldom his own well-being for his plans on particular upcoming events might seriously damage his health, his reputation or the like, thus could cause him more harm than intended before – therefore mind over matter settles the issue in advance by barring the person from dealing with the issue(s) himself.

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Mind Over Matter Urban Dictionary

———-

Well.

Mind over matter may be one of the most important trite quips in human history.

I will point out that despite its overuse and triteness, the entire concept of ‘getting your head straight’ or ‘getting your head in the game’ is maybe the most important Life & professional advise you will ever get. At its most base level mind over matter has nothing to do with positive thinking nor does it have to do with ‘doing what you are destined to do’ and has everything to do with simply making sure you are mentally prepared for whatever you are going to do or face.

I have written probably a hundred posts about mind over matter without ever directly addressing mind over matter.

• You have to participate in Life. <rsvp>.
• Daring to disturb the universe. <who dares>.
• Understanding how your attitude affects you. <lovers quarrel with the world>

<and dozens more>

Pretty much everything I write about centers on attitude and understanding how to get your mind right so you can get ahead and go do the rights things <as in the things you want to do>.

Mind over matter … well … matters because what you can actually do is often exponentially larger than what your mind thinks you can do. In other words … you need to convince your mind to see your potential. By the way, this does not mean you can do the impossible … it simply means that your head very often underestimates, practically speaking, how much you can matter in actual ‘doing shit’.  In other words … you often can do more than your head may see you can do.

Now. That said.

This brings up my only real issue with mind over matter. The positive psychology crap people seem to want to prescribe & apply to mind over matter. The positive psychology implies if you believe something it will happen. Or if you think positive things that good things will happen.

That’s bullshit.

The mind just gets you in the game. You gotta work hard to win the game.

This means that mind over matter is more often than not about happiness or positivity … it is more about recognizing real obstacles & challenges and mentally preparing yourself to deal with it all. Uhm. Recognizing … not actually accept all of it.

Just accept that “it” is there and will be a burden you will carry as you pursue your objective or step out on whatever path you elect to walk toward your vision. And, yes, it is a burden and, yes, you shouldn’t seek to lighten it but rather accept it. In other words … you will quickly discover you need to accept a sense of being uncomfortable. That is the key to the mind part of the mind over matter.

Mind over matter is about getting your head in the right place for the journey. It is not about believing you can do something impossible. In the end this means you recognize the journey is the challenge and the destination is the reward.

Anyway.

Sometimes we think of our bodies and minds as two distinct entities. And in some ways they are. But in order to maximize your potential and fulfill your purpose <which is more often than not inspired by the mind> you need to enable a more intertwined you – align the body & the mind. Researchers have certainly found evidence that the brain has a distinct power to manipulate the body’s physiology. This means if you get everything aligned in the ‘mind over matter’ that the mind/body connection can work in your favor … or against you … depending on your attitude and your ability to manage your mind.

Suffice it to say that believing in yourself is all about self-esteem and affects self-actualization <Maslow stuff>.

And mind over matter is believing you are prepared to face whatever believing in yourself throws at you.

Simplistically … you either believe you can do something or you don’t.

I believe it was Plato who wrote that the body can only move when pushed by others or when it is propelled forward by a soul or principle of life within it. This suggests an intertwining between mind, brain, body and soul. That, to me, is the formula of mind over matter in which it is the mind <attitudes> that drives the body <behavior> through the brain <intellect> … and the soul, the passion behind your purpose, is the engine.

It our minds that tie our behavior to the desires, aspirations, aims, ambitions and goals we may have.

I will note that preeminent philosophers have danced on this head of a pin over mind versus matter for centuries.

I, being an everyday schumck, would simply suggest that all that matters is you get your mind in a good place, get your head on straight and work hard. You may not get exactly what you want and get where you want but what will matter is you made the attempt and did your best.

And, frankly, pragmatically & honestly, some of us find out that sometimes your best isn’t good enough. Sometimes the world or the path Life places in front of you is more than what you have.

But … well … you know what? That’s okay. Life gives you hundreds of paths to walk.

Mind over matter opens you up to not only the first path you choose but offers you the resilience to walk another path should you stumble upon the one you first chose. And then another after that if needed.

Mind over matter doesn’t guarantee results but it certainly guarantees the energies needed to access & attain results.

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“Results are nothing; the energies which produce them and which again spring from them are everything.”

―

Wilhelm von Humboldt

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Mind over matter may actually be the difference in having a successful Life … and not.

Mind over matter is the engine that drives you to the opportunity for success.

Mind over matter doesn’t make the impossible possible but it does makes what possible attainable.