An admirable trait of the truly great is their ability to recognize the limitations of their actual talent in combination with their ability to not waste their talent. They recognize they have some talent, have some humility about that talent, & relentlessly pursue using the talent they do have.

That said.

Simply because they may have risen above the talents of the ordinary has not stopped them from believing they are not that extraordinary. In fact, maybe what I admire most is how they dwell on their ordinariness. Or maybe it’s that they recognize the potential fleetingness of their talent and what people perceive as greatness.

—–

“I know just how it feels to think of the right thing to say too late.”

=

Robert Frost

—–

C’mon. Can you believe this?

This is the guy who probably wrote some of the most amazing poetry of all time.

This is the guy who in 1961 JFK asked, for his inaugural ceremony, to give a poetry reading.

This is the crazy talented wordsmith sonofabitch who, blinded by the sun’s glare on the snow covered Capitol grounds, found himself unable to read the poem he had prepared.

So what did he do?

This is the guy who recited “The GiftOutright” from memory.

It opens with:

The land was ours before we were the land’s.
She was our land more than a hundred years
Before we were her people. She was ours …

People watching noted other people frickin’ cried over his words.

Read it yourself.

Imagine being there.

You would be moved to tears yourself.

And this guy suggests he couldn’t think of the right thing to say? Well. Makes me feel a little better about the time I not only stumbled over words, but was a blithering idiot.

Oh. How about this?

——

“I have no particular talent, I am merely extremely inquisitive.”

Albert Einstein

——

I think like this quote so much because I cannot envision how one of the greatest minds of all time would suggest he has no particular talent.

Now. I am sure he had an ego (who wouldn’t if you thought of things people had never thought of before … consistently).

But. “I have no talent.”

C’mon.

When is the last time you heard one of your management people say this.

When is the last time someone said this in an interview?

When is the last time you heard anyone say this?

C’mon.

Could you imagine good ole Al sitting there in his rumpled suit and the interviewer asks official question number 4 “please tell me what you think you are good at?”

And Al reaches up and tries to smooth down that crazy hair of his, hesitates, and says “well, I have no particular talent, I am merely extremely inquisitive.”

(cut to interviewer making note to self “cut interview short. Not ambitious enough. Cannot identify any talent. Waste of time interviewing.”)

Look.

Robert Frost was said to be an irascible bastard to be around.

Albert was seen as kind of loony (and apparently didn’t know any barbers) but nice guy.

But given these two quotes I am sharing they both recognized that they weren’t always the bee’s knees (I have been looking for an opportunity to use that in a post one day). I personally believe we could use a good dose of this attitude <some humility> in today’s workplace a little more than the current dosage may be.

I guess I also think our country’s leadership could maybe take a sip of this humility too.

Regardless. Some people will point to humility being a consistent characteristic of a great leader. And they may be right. All I really know is these quotes are a good reminder that, no matter how talented you may be, even the greatest of the great minds took it all that ‘talent’ in stride. Let’s not call it humility, let’s call it “perspective.”

Maybe these guys, for all their quirks and eccentricities, had character. And for that, above any talent they had, they should earn our respect. As any talented person, who handled themselves this way, would deserve respect.

I do believe all of us have some greatness within, therefore, we all must have something underneath that greatness. I call the underneath “the great equalizer.” It equalizes people into a common denominator regardless of what, or how great, their greatness is. Just note. A lot of people talk about ‘finding your passion’ or ‘greatness’ but maybe we should be talking more about what lies underneath greatness. Because maybe, just maybe, that is greatness.

…………………… Jessica Nagy ………….

—

“Character is that which reveals moral purpose, exposing the class of things a man chooses or avoids.”

=

Aristotle

—

Ok. Let me be clear upfront – I believe 90+% of Personal Branding is bullshit. Despite the fact I am a relatively unhireable 50something my resume & credentials are pretty popular with executive search companies <I assume it is because they like to have some fairly robust experienced people on file to round out their library, but never really find them a job>.

Regardless. This means I get a relatively constant flow of emails from executive search companies highlighting insightful podcasts, seminars, luncheons, meet & greets, advice columns and ‘positive thinking’ <“you are awesome and can dominate the world”> messages.

I received one several weeks ago that made me laugh out loud. I laughed mostly because, as noted upfront, I think the whole ‘personal branding’ thing is a bunch of bullshit. I also couldn’t believe they would have a luncheon, with relatively senior people who you would assume already know their shit, to discuss ‘dare to build your personal brand.’

Here is the invite <received without the picture I added>:

—

THE INVITE:

‘Xxx’ is facilitating a networking meeting on Thursday, October 16, 2014 (7:30 AM – 9:30 AM):

cool Club
main Road
big city

–

Platinum Members ($25.00)
Guest ($25.00)
Continental Breakfast Included

–

Topic: DARE TO BE YOUR OWN BRAND!

Speaker: some personal branding guru <I assume>

Personal branding has become a widely popular topic. People from all walks of life are taking the idea more seriously.  What about you? Do you want to make the most of what you have to offer and become more of what you visualize yourself to be?  Are you asking, “What’s the right strategy for me?” and “How do I go about putting a personal brand strategy to work that will bring me greater success?”

Dare To Be Your Own Brand demands that you get clear on what makes you unique and how you want to be viewed by others. Then you have to leverage it with an unwavering commitment in everything you do and be willing to step out of your comfort zone, focus on a clear path for personal brand elevation and stay the course.

–

Please come prepared to:

• Introduce yourself within 60 seconds
• Ask individuals/group for introductions to your targeted companies
• Share information you have to offer others in their job search
• Exchange business cards

——

Look. I fully understand that in today’s business world simply having some skill won’t save you. I imagine only having some “texture” will save you <what your skill is wrapped in>. If all you offer is competence, someone can get it for cheaper from somewhere. Byy texture I mean you will have to create some connection between the work you have actually done and, well, you. To be clear, this “you” isn’t about daring to create a personal brand. It is about figuring out what a great company called DDBNeedham calls ‘personal narrative’ <or a ‘brand narrative>.

Now. Narrative sounds boring. And not edgy. Not true.

It is only boring if you build your personal narrative upon something you do not and cannot control because that has no texture.

That is simply surface information.

So. I say this having seen a shitload of companies that have rich narratives.

What do I mean? Think your typical great stories …“hero/conflict/resolution’ type outline with regard to their narratives. They can do this because companies have people, obstacles, trials, competition and situations in which someone wins or loses. This also means they talk about the character of the organization, about virtues and attributes and all the things necessary to navigate their narrative <and be heroic in some form or fashion>.

Oddly … I have seen a shitload of people who also have incredibly rich narratives … and yet they never share them in an interview or on a resume or anything to do with gaining a position. For some reason most people inevitably decide to not tell a story. They decide to not have a narrative instead they elect to create some ‘personal brand’ instead or they end up gussying up a resume with facts and figures and dates and titles and schools and accomplishments — everything but a narrative.

It seems weird to me that companies invest so much energy in a narrative and people don’t.

It seems weird to me that people don’t talk about personal journeys or character traits.

And it seems weird to me we choose to instead talking about ‘building a personal brand.’ And in building this personal brand (using tried & true branding acumen) we seek to come up with some ‘unique selling proposition’ <USP> for ourselves. This is great for ‘selling’ and selling ourselves.

But. We end up having no texture. We end up having no character. We end up having limited personality <only to the extent type font and layout permit it to happen>.

What’s up with that?

We know there are a lot of talented passionate people doing similar things as we do. Yet we seem to desire either tricks <personal brand> or fooling ourselves into believing our accomplishments are some remarkable unattainable-by-others type feats in order to try and stand out in an insanely crowded market with insanely good people.

This is crazy.

We actually end up sacrificing the one true thing that differentiates ourselves. Yes. Ourselves. Our character. Our narrative.

Look.

You are not a brand.

You are not a Facebook profile.

You are not a list of accomplishments.

You are not a list of job titles.

You are not a list of companies who deemed to hire you in the past.

You are not a list of companies that have deemed to fire you in the past.

You are a person. A person with a personal <and one would assume unique> narrative.

So skip the whole personal branding thing and focus on creating a narrative that makes you interesting.

By the way. The personal narrative you create is not some convoluted narrative that fries the brain wrangling with it … and not so simple it is … well … too simple. Hack away the unnecessary. Hack away the boring shit. Hack away the hyperbole.

Just create an interesting narrative. Simplistically this permits you two basic paths to choose from:

  1. A niche. A specialty skill.

Someone with a special skill in a narrow niche will always beat the pompous boring generalists who are good at everything <a lot of things> but not particularly great at one thing. The more specific you can be the better it will be.

2. Style. Panache.

Stand out by style <but do not sacrifice substance in doing so>. Use your personality and create some distinctness through style. It’s tricky … but you want to have a distinctive style that people link to you … and, hopefully, want to hire you for.

By the way <part 1> whatever the style it has to push to some edge. People don’t share boring shit. They only talk about things distinct <which inevitably is something that resides on the edge>.

By the way <part 2> I consciously did not suggest ‘edgy.’ Edgy implies something disruptive … and while I personally like disruptive … it is not for everyone. Simply seek a distinct style. And clarity is always more achievable on some edge. But it does not have to be edgy.

Anyway.

The whole personal branding or ‘create your own brand’ drives me nuts. And it actually scares me a little that well regarded executive search companies actually hold seminars to those who you would deem worthy of a higher salary <therefore having some credible career experience> to ‘dare to be your own brand.’

Now. I completely understand why this personal brand shit has become so discussed. It can be depressing to think about solely being measured by the actual work you do.

What do I mean? Well.

Based on my experience here is how compensation works these days:

===

do shit work … receive no pay.

do good work …  receive shit pay.

do excellent work …  receive good pay.

do remarkable, insightful, make everyone sit up and pay attention type work …  receive excellent pay.

===

Yes. I made this up.

Yes. It is also kind of reflects reality.

Well … this means we are constantly trying to make the case we did something remarkable <or are someone remarkable>. And what does that mean? I assume it means “dare to create your own personal brand!!!” and make sure while creating it … you create something remarkable.

Bullshit.

If you are an executive going to some executive search company seminar on ‘creating a brand’, you are screwed. The last thing you need to be thinking is personal brand, you should be wondering why you are going to something like that in the first place <trust me … you will see your ‘brand’ is the least of your issues>.

If you are an executive <or anyone worth a shit> you should aim high and be ridiculously persistent with your aspirations.

You should be following the same advice I actually give businesses.

Don’t be afraid to pursue revolutionary ideas and don’t hesitate simply there are ‘unbeatable’ competitors.’

Don’t be afraid to go after competition.

Don’t be afraid to go after what you want <and think you deserve>.

You do not need a personal brand to do that.

==============

“You know, when I sit in meetings and things are very tense and people take things extremely seriously and they invest a lot of their ego, I sometimes think to myself, ‘Come on, you know, there’s life and there’s death and there is love.’

And all of that ego business is nonsense compared to that.”

–

Christine Lagarde

===================

“Meetings are indispensable when you don’t want to do anything.“

–

John Kenneth Galbraith

============

Meeting plans.

Plans as in walking into a meeting with a plan in mind <sometimes an agenda and sometimes a meeting strategy>.

I have been in a number lately that made me think I needed to write about meetings and as I mapped out some of my thoughts I thought I would google ‘meeting plans.’

Holy shit.

There is a shitload of incredibly bad advice online with regard to business meetings, managing meetings and what you should do when meetings start going bad. What makes all of this already bad advice even worse is the truth  that meetings rarely goes as planned. Ok. Not ‘rarely’ … let’s say ‘never.’ So if you are going to judge your meeting against some master plan you’ve developed, some agenda and desired objectives you may as well go home now and start drinking.

Now.

That isn’t to say you shouldn’t have a plan. Or have an agenda. Or even some specific objectives for a meeting. There are clearly some basics everyone should do <or it would be considered business malpractice> with regard to any business meeting:

    Have a clear idea of why you want to have the meeting.

    Define an objective for the meeting.

    Develop an agenda, even if it’s loose and only in your head.

    Have an idea of what you want to get out of the meeting.

    Know the critical things you want to say, communicate, or ask.

But, that said, the best meetings don’t follow the plan they become a little more dynamic moving beyond the simple construct of “how it was supposed to go.’

Here is a business truth.

Good meetings, more often than not, are like herding squirrels.

On the other hand.

Bad meetings, more often than not, are like herding dead people.

Yeah. Not a lot of people talk about it but meetings that tightly follow an agenda and do not foster a little bit of heated/passionate discussion & debate are more likely to be a bad meeting than a good meeting <either that or bad unthinking people were in the meeting>.

In good meetings people have very different views about the topic. They offer a lot of ideas. Sure. The ideas can be all over the place but … well … ideas are ideas and involvement is good. this means that often a good meeting organically grows & shrinks … and let me tell you … I have never seen a meeting plan or agenda which said “grow here” and “shrink here.”

Now.

The other thing that affects meeting plans is meeting pacing. A meeting can lull you into complacency, it’s moving along smoothly and then, uh oh, somehow some shit appeared and hit the only fan in the room. Ok. Maybe not ‘shit’ but the meeting obviously shifts – gears & direction. I would note here that good meetings rarely move along in one gear. They shift gears. Oh. And they shift lanes.

Yeah.

This is certainly a point in which the meeting can become dangerous and, yes, it can certainly become an emotional/ego mind field and, yes, it is bad if it becomes a demolition derby <I called this ‘managing meeting pivots‘ in my meeting trap post>. But even with all of that … it doesn’t mean the meeting has ‘gone wrong.’

Or that anyone has done anything wrong in the ‘planning.’ It just means that the meeting has some life <which is good … and beats the alternative>.

Anyway.

Good meetings tend to have two things <even if the plan goes awry>:

1. Closure

It doesn’t have to be closure on whatever it is the meeting was about.

It doesn’t even have to be closure on a ‘list of things to do.’ You just need some closure on something. A good meeting just needs some type of closure on something so that everyone can walk away feeling like something was accomplished.

This is value confirmation. If there is no closure there is no value <and you won’t care about part 2 of what I am going to say — the story>. By the way, ‘another meeting’ is not closure. In fact … that, in and of itself, confirms lack of closure. Never agree to another meeting unless it follows “okay, we agreed to do this, this and this … and we will have another meeting on this & this.”

Never walk away from a meeting without some closure on something. Never.

2. The story.

No one should misconstrue this thought as “developing a story for the meeting” in your planning <because you should avoid wasting energy thinking about that … with some rare exceptions>. This is … well … what’s the story from the meeting.

This is also more important than a shitload of people think it is.

Thinking about it while you are in the meeting <or at least being aware of it> means you will decide to not argue & fight &correct every single thing in a meeting.

Thinking about it means you will decide to ‘never interrupt the enemy when they are making a mistake” <Napoleon>.

Thinking about it means you prioritize what is important as it is being discussed in the here & now <and not because you thought it was going to be important before the meeting>.

Thinking about it means you recognize that a meeting is less memorable just because you had some ‘closure items’ … and more memorable for something else.

Closure items confirm value in a meeting.

The story creates the memory/take away.

Think of this as if the press were covering the meeting — what would be the headline and story the next day. Don’t laugh at this thought. Meetings live on way beyond the time everyone gets up and leaves. The better you are at defining the story the better your meetings will be perceived <and talked about>.

Now.

What is the best thing about these two particular ideas? They adapt to the meeting, they are not defined in some meeting plan.

Look.

All meetings have a plan and almost all meetings have their plan fall apart.

And when it does start falling apart the initial feeling is most often a sick, sinking feeling. You know that you are not the only one sitting there going ‘what is going on … and … we’re not making any progress.’

The good news? You are not the only one feeling it.

The bad news? You are most likely partially responsible for the debacle.

Inevitably someone, maybe even you, will choose to change some dynamic in the meeting … maybe switch it up a little, switch gears or switch topics. And by altering the flow of the meeting the agenda, the plan, either adapts or gets destroyed … or worse … ignores the realities taking place in a meeting and constricts it. And maybe it is that last point that makes some rigid meeting plan of action/engagement so silly. A plan lives in some speculative reality, the meeting itself depicts reality.

I can tell you which should win.

I admit.

It drives me crazy when someone says ‘well, that didn’t go as we planned did it?’ You need to be flexible with regard to your meeting plans as well as flexible with your methods within the meeting itself.

Truth. 99% of good meetings don’t go as planned. Period.

======

“be stubborn about your goals but flexible about your methods.” the best advice I’ve ever received.

——

(via youarewortheverything)

==============

Meetings.

Rules.

Protocol.

The way things are done.

Bla bla bla bla.

Business is challenging enough without having to stick with ‘methods of what is right & wrong’ most of which are actually just simply things you ‘like or dislike.’ I say that because having the luxury of interacting with dozens of different businesses I sometimes have the opportunity to see something somewhere which reminds me that … well … I should remind someone else of something. And I just spoke with 3 young business owners yesterday about their new business.

This one has to do with meetings and managing the interaction between team members in a meeting. There are some basic business meeting truths everyone learns to accept <whether business people like the truth or not>. Suffice it to say that any time there are a bunch of people, and senior experienced people, in a business meeting you can count on it always being a maze of challenges and objectives interspersed with a nice dose of conflict of thinking & ideas.  Knowing that … most of us invest gobs of energy developing an agenda and pounding it into everyone’s head that we need to follow the agenda and say what we all agreed to say.

Generally speaking? … what a waste of good energy.

Suffice it to say the agenda, the plan, rarely survives after the initial engagement and, while the construct of the original plan of attack may remain, what happens within that construct becomes an ongoing series of mini battles of ideas, words and facts. That means, in the reality of meetings, that sometimes a lot of things said or done in a meeting are a means to an end.  And while the ‘means’ feel painful in the moment, well, in the end it was the right call.

The right decision or the right action. This is a surprisingly difficult lesson for a shitload of business people <uhm … it took me far too long to grasp it>.

Well. It is actually more difficult for older business people than younger business people. Younger business people inevitably have less rules and more worries about being & looking smart. On the other hand … older business people have more rules and, sometimes oddly, use them at the sacrifice of looking as smart as they could be.

Anyway.

This isn’t about older more experienced business people versus younger business people … this is about business meetings and management of moments and what I talked about with some business owners who didn’t really have any rules other than doing their best. And that is where talking with younger businesses is truly a joy for me. They rarely discuss status quo and rules and almost always ask me to talk about “in a meeting I want to do the right thing so how is the best way to do it.”

There are so many things that it would most likely take a Michener length book to discuss them all but I just discussed two yesterday so those are the ones I am highlighting:

• Leveraging the pronoun

You learn really early on in new business that different people see different things in meetings and most senior experienced people are smart. You also learn that younger less experienced people usually know some nuance or thought that can contribute to the discussion. This means you have a shitload of people who can contribute. This also means that inevitably in any good meeting discussions will create moments where someone wants to interject a thought. And, uh oh, they are not sure it’s a ’we’ thought or an “I” thought <we all agree versus just an interesting thought that may not align exactly with what the ‘we’ believes or wants>.

I always tell young business people … the worst thing is actually to say nothing.

Ok.

The worst thing is to say something stupid. But let’s assume it is not something stupid and it is simply a “not sure it is an I or a we thought.”

Regardless. Any good business wants someone to speak up even if they aren’t sure it fits into the “we” façade.

So you go out of your way to teach what most people call ‘leveraging the pronoun.’  You teach people to use their pronoun selectively. And experienced business people pay attention to the pronoun. The “we believes” are obvious. They are the things you have discussed beforehand or they are some basic company principles which underpin what you do and what you believe. The “I’s” are a little more difficult. Ok. A LOT more difficult.

Shit is happening in a meeting and you have something to say. You rack your brain … ‘does everyone believe this … does everyone agree … is this just my opinion … ???? <a bunch of yack, yack, yacking going on in your head>.’

I always tell young business people, in this situation, open your thought with an I. Just use “I” and share the thought. And, most importantly, don’t worry about whether the rest of your team agrees or not ... just focus on making the point as smartly and articulate as you can.

The onus is on your other team members to box it in as an “I” or convert it to a “we.”

“Well, I partially agree with Bruce and that thought … it suggests something we have discussed … “

Or

“He is correct … and …”

Or whatever you want to do and say. But as I just sat with three young business owners who think exponentially differently with several incredibly sharp employees … I was unequivocal that in their meetings situations will inevitably arise in which someone can accelerate progress or block downward turns and in either case you don’t want someone sitting on their hands trying to figure out whether everyone agrees or not.

Shift the onus onto the other members in the meeting. The other employees shouldn’t get pissed when someone does it … or scratch their head in confusion … they need to focus on leveraging the pronoun in the direction you want.

I know.

I think I just shared something kind of basic but sometimes I believe we forget to remind people of that type of shit. But when you do remind your team it frees up thinking in meetings and showcases how freely a business can navigate the strength of any business – the “I/we” dynamic. People like to know your business permits “I” to stand up and speak their mind just as much as they like, typically as a conclusion, that “we” can agree on a next step/recommendation/ POV.

Of course, I am sure I don’t need to say this <but I will anyway>, there must be balance in a meeting. It cannot be a constant “I/we” conflict, but, just for the sake of statistics let’s say that the 80/20 rule works well — 80% we and 20% I is probably the most extreme mix you want to have. Keep the “I’s” below 20 and you should be good.

Next thing you learn very early in business <and should go out of your way to teach young business people>.

• Managing the pivot

Every business meeting will demand a pivot or two. It happens. The flow of the meeting has simply gone off course, or worse, it is going in a direction which will inevitably put you in a bad spot.

So you pivot.

Oh. Unfortunately … pivots are difficult. Depending on the situation they can be impossibly difficult.

I tell people to just assume 80% of all pivots will be clumsy & awkward. The 20% elegant pivots are beautiful to watch and often so stylish they appear easy <and everyone should be able to do them> … but they are not. They are hard.

I tell all young business people to not worry about the pivot. Yeah. Of course think about it before you do it … but … getting stuck not pivoting because you aren’t sure how to do it just, more often than not, prolongs the pain in the meeting. The more important thing is managing the pivot.

I tell people to just clean it up if they want … just don’t point out how messy it was. But … what is even better? Just move on. Just like a running back in football if they make a sharp pivot they plant and accelerate. Suffice it to say the faster you accelerate out of a pivot the better off you are when it is all said & done.

By the way. That is a hard business lesson to learn. The natural instinct is to linger on the pivot and clean it up … make it look and feel less clumsy or awkward. The difficulty is that in doing so the focus remains on the wrong thing … that the pivot was clunky. Instead … if you accelerate out of the pivot 99% of the time no one invests any energy thinking back on the pivot itself … they focus on the ‘why the pivot got everyone to a good place.’

Once again … this is much more difficult than many people think.

Oh. Also.

The whole ‘awkward pivot’ thing. As I told these young business owners, when they do their post-meeting analysis they should reflect on pivots with the intent to see if there was a less awkward way <always seeking the elegant of course> but not to invest a shitload of energy reflecting. Hind sight is always 20/20 but you learn pretty quickly replicating that exact situation & context is minuscule therefore you will most likely never run into that exact same situation again.

Sure. Reflect a little.

Sure. Get bummed out it looked clumsy & awkward.

Sure. Let some people bitch & moan about how awkward & clumsy it was.

But, in the end, spend more time discussing how the pivot was managed … because, as I stated earlier, the only thing you really know for sure is that 80% of future pivots will be clumsy & awkward so rather than try and make them less clumsy & awkward it is probably a more effective use of your time to discuss how to manage it.

Anyway.

Business meetings are tough. They are tough for anyone at any experience level. I will admit that working with younger business owners and entrepreneurs when discussing new business and business meetings is fun. They are less likely to worry about rules and how things are done and all the crap that most of us older folk worry about with regard to meeting protocols. More often than not their mantra is respect for the idea & thinking & thoughts as more important than respect for a title & experience & business. Maybe it is because at that age they feel bulletproof <and we older folk forget that after being shot so many times>. But it actually seems like they have an innate understanding that the tide rises higher on the latter if they deliver on the former.

They also seem to have an innate understanding that in today’s world there is a higher value on collaboration & collaborative team thinking <even if it happens in a meeting and even if it contains some disagreement or back & forth in a meeting within team members> because it permits people to not only gain a glimpse of culture and teamwork but showcases thinking <assuming the back & forth leads to some value>. And, maybe most importantly, they seem to have a sense of fearlessness in meetings. Just in talking with these business owners as they discussed what I was telling them you could feel how it created a sense of fearlessness and freedom that no matter what mistakes they made within a meeting they could manage it.

Look.

I have always balked at ‘meeting rules’ and gravitated toward ‘meeting principles’ or ‘effective meeting tactics.’ Rules, to me, in a business meeting inherently constrict a lot of the freedom which inevitably makes for a good adaptable meeting.

……….. waitbutwhy intelligence and truth ……..

Rules constrict the methods <which can vary depending on the context and the situation> which inevitably you need to attain your objective.

I firmly believe if a business is going to demand any meeting protocol it should be built around ‘thoughtful freedom.’ By the way, none of this comes at the expense of respect for anyone in the room. Whatever is said and done should always remain respectful.

Regardless. I maybe think this way because I never ever cared if anyone in any meeting disagreed with me … at any level or title and on my team or from the ‘other side’ … if they had a good idea or a fresh view on what was being discussed … or I was wrong.

Shit.

I have been wrong so many times I am impervious to my wrongness. But, as a quasi successful business person, what I have come to realize is that as long as my rightness outweighs my wrongness I can keep my title, keep my responsibility and keep the respect of the teams around me as well as any business people I interact with.

And you know what? Young business people & owners get that. These guys did I just spoke with. And when they embrace it and do it well? Wow. Man. I would pay for a ticket to that show. That is good stuff.

==

“Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered that she had turned into the wrong person.”

Anne Tyler

==

So.

Accountability is a surprisingly tough concept. Huh? Accountability is easy to grasp, even likable in concept, but incredibly difficult to implement.

Being accountable can be … well … gut wrenching on occasion.

And while I am tempted to write about this in a business environment … my stomach couldn’t take it today <accountability in today’s business world is stuck in the sludge at the bottom of the business moral barrel>. Instead I will talk about it within an everyday Life perspective. Personal in that while we face the day to day grind we sometimes miss out on the little accountability aspects of life that make us slip down the slope of ‘less than I wanted to be as a person.’

It happens in such small missed accountability increments that you get a little surprised when one day you look in the mirror and see you not only haven’t turned out to the be there person you meant to be, or wanted to be, you have actually turned into the wrong person. What a semi-miserable moment when you ask yourself … ‘are you pleased with what you see?’ … and the answer is … <sigh> … no. I say semi miserable because while pretty much anything you have done up to this point cannot be undone … you can certainly start doing what you want to do to begin the path to a ‘yes’ answer.

Ok. But let’s get back to the here & now and accountability.

Life doesn’t make accountability easy. Life demands constant relentless accountable moments. It is a constant day to day, moment to moment, challenge. You cannot relax for one moment.

Therefore. You have to constantly hold yourself accountable.

I know … I know … it doesn’t sound fair. You are kind of hoping Life would be more about putting yourself on the right path and assuming that if you keep putting one foot in front of the other you will just keep on down that path … and you can start looking at other things.

But you can’t. You have to constantly hold yourself accountable. I don’t have any ‘how to’ advice to offer mostly because I believe most of us know what accountability is and what it takes to be accountable.

I imagine I wrote about this because when I saw the quote I used to open this post it made me think about the constant attention accountability demands. It is the constant aggressive nature of Life itself in seeking the little moments you are not focusing on accountability … and making you pay for them. And the fact that accountability is tricky because it is not just your actions for which you may have to pay the consequences for … but also your inaction.

Yup. You are also accountable for the things you don’t do.

Accountability is really all about assuming responsibility.

Responsibility for not only being in the right place at the right time and doing the right things … but responsibility for when you are in the wrong place at the wrong time and do the wrong thing … as well as responsibility for not being ‘in place’ at all.

Shit. Accountability is tough. It is a harsh judge & jury.

All that said.

Why does this matter?

Why did I even write this post?

“… who discovered that she had turned into the wrong person.”

Turning into the wrong person is the price to be paid for not constantly holding yourself accountable.

Just ponder that thought.

=====================

Telling teens they are stupid is, well, stupid. To be clear. We may not actually verbally tell teens they are stupid but we older folk have no qualms treating them like they are stupid … which … uhm … is actually telling them we think they are stupid.

Yeah.

One of the biggest problems adults have with regard to the generation gap is … well … themselves.

Adults.

Teens are not the problem in the generation gap. Shit. Young people are not the problem with any generation gap.

I do not care if we are speaking about teens, or young people in the workplace, the problem remains the same … we older folk tend to treat young people like they are stupid <but go home each night easing our minds by saying to ourselves “but I never told them they were stupid”> .

Now.

We can be clever in how we do so and sometimes we can even be fairly good at masking it … but you know what?

Young people are pretty frickin’ smart and young people are pretty frickin’ insightful and young people are pretty frickin’ aware of what is going on around them … and they can tell we think they are stupid even if the words coming out of our mouths sound something like “good idea … something we should be thinking about” <thought bubble above older person saying it says “how naïve, that’s stupid, ok, act like you actually care so they don’t think you think they are stupid …“>.

I am a little unsure of why we older people treat teenagers like they are stupid.

Do we feel it is a rite of passage that they must go thru? <like joining a fraternity or sorority?>.

Is it for self-esteem? <the more stupid we make them feel the smarter that we feel?>.

Is it out of fear? <that we will look stupid to them … or they will be smarter than us?>

Is it simply the inability to let go of the past? <”if they could only learn how and what we learned … – insert a nostalgic ‘sigh’ here …”>

All I know is that teens are not stupid.

Far from it.

As I wrote in my Beautiful Brains article the teen brain is capable of the same smart decision making as an adult … yes, as smart, it is just that their brain lining has not completely formed and therefore there is some sensory overload they have to navigate that older brains do not.

But.

This is not stupidity.

Look.

Here is what I know.

Tearing the young down serves no real purpose. In fact … I would like to point out that building up the young can serve a real purpose.

====

In 1968, psychologist Robert Rosenthal walked in to a primary school class and told the teacher that he would be conducting a Harvard aptitude test on all of the students to find out which ones were bloomers or spurters (anticipating that these students were brighter and showed more potential than the rest). By the end of the year, sure enough these students went on to have not only higher grades but also did better on their IQ tests, so what was the catch?

Rosenthal later revealed that the ‘Harvard’ tests conducted were completely bogus and the children dubbed bloomers and spurters were in fact chosen at random! Because the teachers had been given the notion that these children were brighter than the rest, they ended up engaging and challenging them more often seeing their mistakes as a learning experience and setting higher goals.

This confirmed the teachers suspicion that they were in fact much brighter than the rest.

====

When adults expect the young to do well and show intellectual growth, inevitably young people deliver the goods. On the other hand … when adults lower expectations it inevitably provides suitable excuses for ‘less than performance and growth’ and may in fact actually discourage growth in a variety of ways. If we continue treating young people like they are stupid <which is NOT the same as telling them they are stupid> and feeding them propaganda about their stupidity and failings naturally they’re going to start believing all the crap and almost start expecting stupidity like traits.

Older people are not granted some magical power that makes them non-stupid simply because they have become older. They are not some special breed of human that has no failings and no desire to maintain some power & control.

I tell you where teens are truly not stupid.

They do not buy the whole ‘positive thinking’ being shoved down their throats. They see firsthand that positive thinking alone doesn’t get you shit and they give you shit if you try and tell them it does <and is the key to their future success>. Most teens see very quickly that positive thinking is fine in theory, but really only helpful to those with more wealth and access to a decent education. For everyone else it is empty platitudes. They don’t want platitudes they want wisdom that hlps them get where they want to go.

Teens are not stupid.

Not stupid intellectually & smarts-wise nor with regard to Life.

While we think they can only see what is in front of them in the moment they are watching the larger world swirling around them with eyes wide open. They may not be in a rush to get into this crazy looking adult world <would we adults if we looked around?> but they clearly, and smartly, are assessing the world in front of them and around them.

Let me end by saying treating teenagers like they are stupid is … well … stupid.

==

“When written in Chinese, the word crisis is composed of two characters. One represents danger, and the other represents opportunity.”

–

John F. Kennedy

==

Ok.

I love this quote.  And a boatload of business management people do <dozens of books written using it>.

Uh oh. But it isn’t true.

Good ole JFK got it wrong <but he is in good company>.

The usual explanation is that the Chinese ideogram for “crisis” is made up of two characters signifying “opportunity” and “danger.” To us folk on this side of the planet this is a great example of the ancient East wisdom. And teachers, pontificators, self help specialists, motivational speakers and anyone who likes to tell people to find lemonade when given a basket of lemons have used this explanation.

The key lesson shared?

“A crisis provides an opportunity for change and growth as well as a danger of regression or stagnation.”

<but that is too long and complete to be a soundbite>

Yup. This is pretty frickin’ deep.

The truth?

1. In Chinese, the term for crisis is wei ji.

2. Native Chinese speakers tend to think the crisis = danger/opportunity connection is complete bullshit.

The Chinese word <not really an ideogram by the way> for crisis, when translated, literally means “dangerous, or precarious, moment.” That’s it.  No ‘opportunity.’  No benefiting.  Just danger. Or … maybe I should focus on the part I like … “a precarious moment.”

Not a bad lesson in itself. Crisis CAN be bad … but in reality is just all about having a precarious moment … that needs to be managed.

Just to be sure I cover all my bases as I tear down all that self-help mumbo jumbo people have absorbed and are putting in use day-to-day.

(through some research)

A mandarin expert breaks down the word and definition and wisdom mumbo-jumbo:

A whole industry of pundits and therapists has grown up around this one grossly inaccurate statement. A casual search of the Web turns up more than a million references to this spurious proverb. It appears, often complete with Chinese characters, on the covers of books, on advertisements for seminars, on expensive courses for “thinking outside of the box,” and practically everywhere one turns in the world of quick-buck business, pop psychology, and orientalist hocus-pocus. This catchy expression (Crisis = Danger + Opportunity) has rapidly become nearly as ubiquitous as The Tao of Pooh and Sun Zi’s Art of War for the Board / Bed / Bath / Whichever Room.

The explication of the Chinese word for crisis as made up of two components signifying danger and opportunity is due partly to wishful thinking, but mainly to a fundamental misunderstanding about how terms are formed in Mandarin and other Sinitic languages.

<that was awesome …>

Next.

While it is true that wēijī does indeed mean “crisis” and that the wēi syllable of wēijī does convey the notion of “danger,” the jī syllable of wēijī most definitely does not signify “opportunity.”

The jī of wēijī, in fact, means something like “incipient moment; crucial point (when something begins or changes).” Thus, a wēijī is indeed a genuine crisis, a dangerous moment, a time when things start to go awry. A wēijī indicates a perilous situation when one should be especially wary. It is not a juncture when one goes looking for advantages and benefits.

As the Mandarin language expert says quite succinctly … “In a crisis, one wants above all to save one’s skin and neck!”

As well as …

“Any would-be guru who advocates opportunism in the face of crisis should be run out of town on a rail, for his / her advice will only compound the danger of the crisis.”

I loved this guy.

A little wordy in his explanation but he was passionate about telling everyone how far off base they were on the whole crisis/opportunity thing. Sorry.  No Eastern wisdom here. In this case the east and the west agreed that a crisis is bad, dangerous and to be wary of and that’s it.

Ok.

All that said <mostly said to enlighten everyone and piss off a boatload of publishers and book writers> let’s talk about crisis and the opportunities a crisis does actually create. Most of us quickly see the danger in a crisis… and we should … because it is exactly as translated … a precarious moment.  Like its true Chinese definition a crisis is a crucial moment where things begin to go awry.

It is easy to overlook any opportunity within the crisis because, frankly, we are often just trying to survive <in other words … save our skin, neck & ass>.

And what makes this even more difficult is that the opportunity may be well hidden. The danger is always obvious and the most critical in our eye because the crisis creates potential personal harm. So what makes a crisis truly a “precarious moment” is that assuming you are seeking to find that elusive opportunity within the crisis … well … that with danger lurking its not that we forget to look for the opportunity but rather we seek to avoid the danger and the personal harm.

Lets call this for what it is … self preservation.

And that isn’t bad by the way.  Because if you don’t survive the “opportunity” becomes irrelevant. It is natural to avoid danger during a crisis and make that THE priority.  So, no, I am not going to suggest someone become an “opportunity person” when dealing with a crisis.

I believe people who can discover opportunities in a crisis are people who have already successfully managed the ‘precarious moment’ several times in the past. Maybe call it trial by fire.  Maybe call it trial & error.  But suffice it to say you ain’t gonna be seeking opportunities when dealing with your first true crisis.

Yes. Many people say that it was actually a crisis that caused them to make a much-needed change.

Yes. Living through a hard time challenges people to grow in ways that makes them more mature and opens them to new possibilities.

Where I would argue with people on this is that through surviving the crisis they … well … just found a better way to survive. And that’s not being opportunistic.  That is simply survival instinct <compounded by understanding of what makes oneself happiest>.

Look.

Life constantly gives you opportunities … and gives you crisis also <unfortunately> … regardless … you get opportunities not just to take a chance but also just to improve your current state.

Here is the formula (although in this case I am not sure A + B = C).

(A) A crisis is a forced decision making moment (typically survival based).

(B) Decision making moments represent opportunities.

(C) Opportunities typically translate into some type of change.

And everyone, obviously, wants to capitalize on any change (who would choose to have a negative result from a decision?). If someone wants to claim a crisis represents an opportunity go ahead and do so … but please recognize that it is an indirect extended relationship.  And in doing so you could be doing a disservice to people because it ignores what a crisis is truly about – survival.

Ok.

I do believe dealing with a crisis has a lot to do with attitude <which is possibly where many people get confused with this whole opportunity thing>.

A Pollyanna attitude? Nope.

Someone wrote: “Welcoming personal setbacks as rich opportunities for growth can help you survive them. Does that seem like a twisted point of view? After all, problems make us miserable, right? Scott Peck, author of The Road Less Traveled (Touchstone, 2003), considers them a gift — if you look at them in a deeper, less reactive manner. Indeed, they can give us clear perspective.”

Wow.

That is a bunch of bullhockey <bullshit>.

A crisis is just that.  A crisis.  A dangerous moment. A precarious moment.

Should we be seeking opportunities in the middle of a frickin’ crisis? Nope.

We should be seeking survival.

And that is where attitude comes in. Not “lets find the opportunity” or some baloney like that <or find the lemonade out of the lemons> but an attitude capturing a strength of character <I will be strong and overcome> and resiliency <survive>. Afterwards maybe you can look back and discover the opportunities that were an outcome from the crisis (although this has a slightly masochistic point of view in that from pain comes pleasure that kind of creeps me out) but when in a crisis … just deal with it.

Have a good attitude and explore all the possibilities/opportunities … once you have managed the experience itself.

Dealing with a true crisis takes character.  HOW you deal with a crisis says almost as much as what you do to deal with a crisis.  A crisis is a gauntlet. You have to have strength of character.  And strength in resiliency.  Please don’t measure yourself when dealing with a crisis by what opportunity you discovered from the crisis … measure yourself by how you survived.

A crisis.

It is a ‘precarious moment’ … a ‘crucial moment’ … a ‘dangerous moment.’

<East & West agree on this>

Seek to survive the moment. Don’t seek the opportunity for god’s sake. Just try and be aware should an opportunity arise <as you survive>. Leave the ‘opportunistic crisis management approach’ to people who write books and pontificate<but, please do not buy the books and live your life by all their bullshit>.

Oh.

And don’t misuse the Chinese definition of crisis. Because that is where this whole rant started. I am all for seeking opportunities and I have a shitload, too much, experience dealing with crises. But I will be honest … my first response in any crisis is “survival”. Once I can see, or sense, we will survive hen, yeah, I will most likely scan the horizon for some opportunities. But survival first.

=============

“The more identities a man has, the more they express the person they conceal.”

―

John le Carré, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy

==============

“Dr. Watson’s summary list of Sherlock Holmes’s strengths and weaknesses:

Knowledge of Literature: Nil.

Knowledge of Philosophy: Nil.

Knowledge of Astronomy: Nil.

Knowledge of Politics: Feeble.

Knowledge of Botany: Variable. Well up in belladonna, opium, and poisons generally. Knows nothing of practical gardening.

Knowledge of Geology: Practical but limited. Tells at a glance different soils from each other. After walks has shown me splashes upon his trousers, and told me by their colour and consistence in what part of London he had received them.

Knowledge of Chemistry: Profound.

Knowledge of Anatomy: Accurate but unsystematic.

Knowledge of Sensational Literature: Immense. He appears to know every detail of every horror perpetrated in the century.

Plays the violin well.

Is an expert singlestick player, boxer, and swordsman.

Has a good practical knowledge of British law.”

―

Arthur Conan Doyle <A Study in Scarlet>

==================

So.

I am not sure if it is that I am of an age where my experiences have become varied enough that I chafe on being slotted in some form of ‘what you do’ or if I am of an age where many of the people I know get frustrated that they are demanded to define themselves, careerwise, in some simplistic way.

All that said.

I found myself in an odd alternative universe writing a core “here is why I have created this site and initiative” for someone I respect … and it was written for him but easily expressed my own situation.

After I sent him what I had scribbled I went back and I replaced his field with mine and … well … I found I was writing about my frustrations were which his … as well as a number of people I know:

====================

This site is borne of my frustration with explaining I am more than an advertising guy.

This site is borne of a belief that there is a community of advertising guys/gals who not only know they are more than advertising people but they also know they would like to use the skills they have in a business world which they see as needing what they have to offer.

This site is borne of what I know to be true – many of us are not simply advertising people, we are tinkers, tailors, soldiers & spies … all in one.

For some of us it gets frustrating to explain just because I have my MBA and am an experienced advertising guy that I am more than just that.

I get frustrated when my degree defines me.

I get frustrated when my industry experience label defines what my skills are.

I get frustrated that what I do, or have tangibly done, defines what I am capable of.

I get frustrated because I know how to ask the hard questions which often offer the hardest answers – the right things to do <which I believe businesses are desperate for this skill>.

I get frustrated because I know that “the truth is” is rarely the truth and I know that truths are often misty and multiple, like ghosts.

I get frustrated because I know all that I just wrote is a reflection of a thinking skill, a problem solving skill, a business skill and not just an advertising skill.

I get frustrated because I am more than an advertising guy and I know many people are frustrated by being slotted so simplistically.

To me, the world is too quick to define people and their skills in a simplistic way — simplistically by what they do <on the surface> and what specific skills they have acquired. People are often more complex than the labels they carry along with them and skills are often more translatable, with surprisingly positive outcomes, than many people are willing to think about.

It is our own fault because we have bludgeoned it into everyone’s head that everyone has to be a specialist or have some specific skill and, therefore, if you cannot simply define your specialty or skill you are … well … of less worth than someone who can.

That is, frankly, silly if not ludicrous.

Here is what I know.

I am more than an advertising guy. I am a tinker, tailor soldier and spy.

And I am building a community of likeminded people with a desire to go beyond simply being defined by the degree they earned and what labels people put on them to reach out into a business world, which may not know they need our skills at the moment, and show them there is a group of overlooked people who have skills to offer which businesses can benefit from.

============

tin·ker

ˈtiNGkər/

noun: tinker; plural noun: tinkers

    1.

    (especially in former times) a person who travels from place to place mending metal utensils as a way of making a living.

        a person who makes minor mechanical repairs, especially on a variety of appliances and apparatuses, usually for a living.

2.

    an act of attempting to repair something.

tai·lor

ˈtālər/

noun: tailor; plural noun: tailors

    1.

    a person whose occupation is making fitted clothes such as suits, pants, and jackets to fit individual customers.

Soldier

Noun

A soldier is one who fights as part of an organised, land based, sea based and air based armed force.

spy

spī/

noun: spy; plural noun: spies

    1.

    a person who secretly collects and reports information on the activities, movements, and plans of an enemy or competitor.

=============

Sigh.

I am fairly sure I am not in the majority in that the bulk of the world tends to acquire specific skills but I do believe the majority of generalists get unfairly squeezed into some incredibly uncomfortable boxes simply because the world just doesn’t seem to believe a generalist has the same value as a specialist.

It is frustrating.

To be clear … a qualified generalist doesn’t claim to be able to do everything.

I am not qualified to be a CFO <although I understand what CFOs do and what they say>.

I am not qualified to be some social media strategist <although I understand what they do and what they say>.

I am not qualified to … well … you get the point.

But from a generalist perspective I am qualified to talk about effective marketing, advertising and communications in any industry <even if I have never worked specifically in that industry>.

But from a generalist perspective I am qualified to talk about effective company vision, objectives, strategies and how to grow sales & retention in any industry <even if I have never worked specifically in that industry>.

But from a generalist perspective I am qualified to talk about positioning products & services, behavioral economics, the emotional & functional reasons people do things as well as using those things in making the hard business decisions which guide businesses toward success in any industry <even if I have never worked specifically in that industry>.

But from a generalist perspective I am qualified to dabble in almost any topic in any industry on any issue and use that ‘dabbling’ to make some relevant points based on some seemingly disparate type knowledge.

===============

“You know about fixing cars, you’re athletic, and you know when to shut up.”

“That last one isn’t a skill.”

“Honey, trust me. It’s a skill.” 

―

Simone Elkeles

============

Anyway.

Tinker tailor soldier spy.

I like that title.

A little bit of this in a lot of ‘that.’

I am tinker, tailor, soldier & spy.

==================

“Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”

–

H.L. Mencken

==============

So.

This is about standing up for what you believe in <not really about being a pirate>. This is about business. And, sometimes, I imagine some of my thoughts are also about Life.

In fact.

This is about several things:

–          Not always being politically correct

–          Possibly not ‘playing nice’

–          Sacrificing some ‘art of compromise’

–          Being a pirate <yeah … I lied … it is partially about being a pirate>

Alrighty. Before I get to the fun part <slitting throats> … let me tell you how this quote is about business. Because the quote suggests that everyone … even a normal <or quasi sensible> person … is tempted to become a pirate <raise the black flag> and kill <hopefully not literally> conformity, the status quo and those things that may dull the edges in business <and life>.

Now.

This isn’t about making being a pirate a living/career, or a way of life, but rather this is more about suggesting some situations in which you are tempted to pillage all that around you, take no prisoners and get it done your way. Ok. Maybe some situations where being ‘pirate-like’ can benefit you in business.

That said.

Here are the things to think about.

Not being politically correct

Hoisting the black flag in business means you are gonna say and do some things that well behaved polite business people just may not like. In fact … it even means going out on your own, hopefully not on the plank, and sailing independently outside the conformity of what is said to be ‘right.’

Well.

Pirates were entrepreneurs. Pirates got things done fast <or faster than going through bureaucracy of some management>.

The prizes were great.

The losses were mind numbingly abrupt and conclusive.

It is often a business truth that wading your way through all the politically correct steps takes time and can sap energy. Sometimes you gotta simply say “I am a pirate … my crew will look motley … and I am abrasive myself … but this ship is gonna sail today with all those who want to hoist the black flag.”

Now.

You cannot be politically incorrect all the time … that would make you a bigot, ignorant, an asshole … and/or simply stupid <in other words … a bad pirate>. However. Selectively avoiding correctness can cut through bullshit and get the ship out of the harbor.

Oh.

And put you in a position to win a prize. Or get sunk.

But that’s the risk a pirate runs.

Not playing nice.

Being a pirate in business isn’t like playing cricket <as the British would say>. Hoyle isn’t giving everyone the rules.

Pirates cared about one thing … okay … two things.

• Booty <winning the prize>
• Not dying.

Good pirates constantly balanced between the 2. This insured they didn’t do something so incredibly stupid that their <your> own throat wasn’t slit but also insured enough risk to get what you wanted.

It also meant rules were vague at best. I am not suggesting someone be immoral or so ruthless that the integrity of the organization is compromised.

But.

To win there is a loser. And pirates didn’t let the feelings of the loser affect how they played the game. They didn’t care about playing nice. They played to win, get some loot and not get killed. This kind of attitude threaded into how you approach business just ain’t a particularly bad thing.

Sacrificing the art of compromise.

Pirates don’t compromise. They cannot.

It is about winning on their terms or losing on their terms.

Why?

Because if they don’t win they hang.

So what does that mean?

Hang compromise out to dry. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to win the battle. Uhm. Sometimes. This advice is a contextual ‘pick your battle’ thought.

I am not suggesting cheating.

I am not suggesting lying.

I am not suggesting anything nefarious.

I am simply suggesting that negotiating and compromising may need to be sacrificed <on occasion> in order to do what is right. And sometimes it is a truth that there is a better, if not actually best, way of doing something.

Slit the throats of compromise and do it ‘your way.’ It is kind of an all or nothing plan of action.

Oh.

Kind of like being a pirate.

Being a pirate.

No … I am not suggesting you get to wear the cool looking black eye patch or say “aargh matey” but this is about sailing the open seas, being swashbuckling and seeking booty <gold and jewels … not the other type>.

Let’s call it … well … maybe independence. And gathering those around you who want to sail off alone just this once <at least>.

Great leaders are often like the great frigate captains of the old British navy <who were kind of like pirates within a larger organization>. They showcased an ability to effectively participate in the larger organizational activities when required … and an ability to be effective taking off on independent campaigns.

Oh.

And choosing when to be independent. No one can be a pirate 100% of the time <I don’t remember reading of many old pirates> but being a pirate every once in a while can be healthy <and fun and productive>. Individually as well as to a business and organization.

Ok.

All that said. To be clear … H.L. Mencken was an extremely cynical person, disgusted with conformity, and firm in the belief that the majority opinion was pretty much always wrong. He also tended to believe the status quo <customs and traditions > was pretty much always silly if not stupid.

I don’t agree.

Selectively … all of those things are healthy.

If you are a pirate as a standard operating procedure … you are simply an outcast <if not a bitter contrarian>. I tend to believe the type of pirate I am discussing <not a greed driven corporate blood sucking leech> is needed in today’s business world more than ever. Organizations do not encourage individuality and controlled conformity <under the guise of ‘team’> is the typical guiding principle. Boring and stagnant. That’s what I think of when I read what I just wrote.

Lastly.

While I don’t recommend being a pirate and hoisting the flag all the time … I guess I would like to remind everyone that Life is awful short … and you either have to have some fun <in business> or you have to stand up for something at some point or you are just marking time. Being a pirate now and then can remind you that individuality, or non conformity, can define you to yourself a little. It can provide some personal clarity.

Something I think we could all use a dose of on occasion.

Anyway.

I can guarantee only one thing … if you hoist the black flag at least once you will certainly have one memorable moment. Oh. And you get to be a pirate for at least one moment.

That is pretty cool all by itself.

==================

“Dads, on this Father’s Day, if you think you’ve just had the best year in the history of fatherhood, that’s awesome, count your blessings.

But if you’re like most of us, if you’ve screwed up a lot this year, your kids still need you. They need to know that you love them and you need to show up again.”

Ben Sasse

================================================

Senator Ben Sasse

✔ @SenSasse

Real fatherhood isn’t anything like a greeting card. We all screw up. Here’s to all the dads out there who show up & try again. #FathersDay

==================================

“I suppose in the end it’s almost too easy to look back and say what you should have done, how you might have changed things. What’s harder – what’s much, much harder – is to accept what you actually did do.”

–

Peter Hook <Joy Division>

=============================================

So.

…. Father’s Day “the force” be with you …….

I had no plans on posting anything relevant to father’s day this year until I saw this father’s day tweet from a senator in Nebraska: Ben Sasse: Happy Father’s Day to the Flawed Fathers (Like Me)

His words? “All the dads out there who show up & try again.”

My words? Victory in the attempt.

In a world where we seem to be more and more focused on winning it is nice to step back and maybe realize that many things can be considered a victory other than some simplified “win” … especially for fathers.

How does this sound for what could be considered a ‘win’? Showing up … and showing up again … and then showing up again.

I am not a father but as I have applauded fathers year after year <because most of my father friends are great fathers> I am not sure I have applauded the most simplistic aspect of being a parent – the persistent attempt.

I think this topic matters.

It matters because when asked … I imagine almost every parent can fondly remember “the wins”, even if they are few and far between, with regard to their children. But maybe we should be pointing out the attempts, the persistency of their parenting attempts, rather than just the wins … the victories. And while the victories must be an incredible source of pride <that their attempts in parenting actually paid off in some way> their real pride source of being a parent, a father, is more likely to be found in the persistent attempts.

The persistent attempts? The times you fell short in some way in not only your child’s eyes but also how you may have fallen short in what you believe is the responsibility of parenting, and, yet, you attempt to do what is right the next day or the next time or the next opportunity.

There should be victory found in getting up and trying to do a little better the next time – victory in the attempt.

Look.

All fathers will be a jerk on occasion and, I imagine, some are simply jerks. But all fathers are imperfect. As I noted in a non fathers day post back in 2013 <No Perfect Fathers >. Shit. We all are. And, yet, imperfect or not … 99% of us persist and attempt again.

I will say this.

In our ‘positive reinforcement world’ in which ‘everyone contributes and should be included’ we tend to give out more gold stars than a second grade class.

I sometimes think we give out so many rewards that no one can truly tell who the ‘best of the best’ really are.

Oh.

I will say this except in parenting.

In parenting we have more of a tendency in never giving out a gold star for the attempt but rather solely for some achievement attained.

Therefore there is less positive reinforcement for the attempts and more for the achievements.

Well.

That seems fucked up to me.

====

“Not in the clamor of the crowded street, not in the shouts and applause of the many, but in ourselves, are triumph and defeat.”

 –

Longfellow

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I am not suggesting fathers need more gold stars or that achievements don’t matter but it seems kind of fucked up to me that being a ‘perfect father’ is somehow always supposed to be attached to some achievements attained by the child.

Similar to my view on many things in life I believe more often than not success should be measured in progress not achievement.

Fathering is the same to me.

And that is why victory in the attempt matters so much. Persistent attempts are metaphorically like being a border collie to your child’s life … herding them attempt by attempt toward some progress path. If you view it that way you will most likely look back at dozens of “wins” in the herding and not just whatever destination you may attain in achievement.

Anyway.

I thought Ben Sasse’s father’s day tweet was awesome.

Back in 2014 on father’s day I wrote about  imperfectly perfect fathers.

That is most likely the closest I have ever come on fathers day of saying something similar to what the senator said.

And I would suggest ‘victory in the attempt ‘is a derivative of the thought I shared that day.

Fathers have a natural tendency look back at missed opportunities and moments where they failed … and maybe even when they were a jerk.

Maybe they should look back upon all the attempts and … well … think about the fact they showed up. And maybe that is a “win” in and of itself. And they certainly should be viewing attempts within a “37 seconds, used well, is a lifetime.”

It is quite possible this is a Life lesson for all of us, but for today, it is a Father’s Day thought.

Happy Father’s Day <and thank you Ben Sasse for making me sit down and wrote today>.

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“America’s about new beginnings, and the end of your story has not been written.

Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers out there who want to show up and try again.”

Ben Sasse

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