imperfectly perfect fathers

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“Perfection consists not in doing extraordinary things, but in doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.”

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Angelique Arnauld

Today is Father’s Day <at least in many countries>.

This is dedicated to all my buddies who are great fathers … but don’t know it.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm … well … then maybe this is actually dedicated to 99% of fathers in the world.

I begin with this thought.

Most of my friends are good fathers if not great fathers … and yet … almost every father I know begins with some expression of doubt or regret when discussing being a father.

“I wish I had spent more time.”

“I wish I had listened more.”

“I wish I had been there more often.”

I don’t believe they are berating themselves but they certainly do not believe they deserve to be on the ‘father pedestal.’

And I think it is because being a father means that ‘not being at your best’ at every moment equals being a less than perfect dad <in their own heads>.

It comes down to ‘what is being a good father’ … and a general feeling, amongst most good dads, that they are ‘being a less than perfect dad.’

Well.

Reality in life rarely matches theoretical world <i.e., how it should be>.

It rarely even matches what we envision it should be.

Just to get the main point out of the way <in case you are bored and stop reading> … this is a Life truth.

Reality is that children do not need a perfect Dad.

Reality is that an imperfect father is perfect.

I am constantly struck by how often a dad, in reflection, does not remind us of the importance of spending quality time with his children … but instead they remind themselves of their imperfect fatherness.

It almost seems like they are constantly seeking some aspect of forgiveness for some failing they perceive they have committed.

“Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.”

Oscar Wilde

Before you disagree with me … just take a minute and think about it.

Most fathers reflect upon their imperfect dad behavior … and their ‘less than perfect status’ as a father … rather than the truth that their best was pretty damn good.

Is it really all that important to be a perfect father? Nope.

But fathers feel that anything less than perfect is a failing in some way.

How would it be if all of us tried to live up to those standards?

<pretty damn awesome world I imagine>

I assume that nagging self-doubt about what type of father you were is quite common. And, frankly, I assume that all good fathers are burdened with this.

But there are no perfect fathers.

You just do the best you can … regardless if it isn’t always perfect or you aren’t perfect.

I have said this before on other topics … but perfection is shit.

Do I like the fact that all my buddies seek perfection as the standard for being a father?

Sure. You bet.

In some form or fashion I imagine that is what makes them great dads.

An underlying state of dissatisfaction with regard to their own fatherhood.

In the end.

What makes a great father?

No specific deed.

No specific outcome.

No specific ‘thing’ you can point at or put your finger on.

It’s just about committing to doing the best you can.

“One day, you’ll just be a memory to some people. Do your best to be a good one.”

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Unknown

Perfection is found in imperfections.

You just do the best you can … regardless if it isn’t always perfect or you aren’t perfect.

I stand and applaud all the imperfectly perfect fathers on this day.

I will leave this father’s day with a reminder of a non fathers day father post I did n 2013.

If this doesn’t remind you that imperfect fathers are perfect … well … you have no soul.

No Perfect Fathers: https://brucemctague.com/there-are-no-perfect-fathers

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My other father’s day posts:

–          2013 https://brucemctague.com/crows-ravens-hope-and-fathers

–          2012 https://brucemctague.com/father%e2%80%99s-day-2

–          2011 https://brucemctague.com/father%e2%80%99s-day

By the way.

Just because I like knowing his shit.

About celebrating father’s day.

Many countries celebrate Father’s Day on the third Sunday in June. But it is not an international date <albeit an international celebration on different dates>.

And, of course <apologizing to my Russian friends & readers> … Russia doesn’t celebrate it … they celebrate ‘defender of the fatherland’ day <albeit they refer to Russia in a feminine form – Mother Russia>.

Countries that celebrate Father’s Day are:

February 23 – Russia (Defender of the Fatherland Day)

March 19 – Andorra (Dia del Pare); Antwerp, Belgium; Bolivia; Honduras; Italy (Festa del Pap); Liechtenstein; Portugal (Dia do Pai); Spain (Da del Padre, Dia del Pare, Da do Pai)

Second Sunday of May – Romaina (Ziua Barbatiului)

May 8 – South Korea (Parent’s Day)

Third Sunday of May – Tonga

Ascension Day – Germany

First Sunday of June – Lithuania, Switzerland

June 5 – Denmark (Constitution Day)

Second Sunday of June – Austria, Belgium

Third Sunday of June – Afghanistan, Antigua and Barbuda, Argentina, Bahamas, Bahrain, Bangladesh, Barbados, Belize, Bermuda, Brunei Darussalam, Bulgaria, Canada, Chile, People’s Republic of China, Colombia, Costa Rica, Croatia, Cuba, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Ecuador, Ethiopia, France, Ghana, Greece, Guyana, Haiti, Hong Kong, Hungary, India, Ireland, Jamaica, Japan, Malaysia, Malta, Mauritius, Mexico, Myanmar, Namibia, Netherlands, Nigeria, Pakistan, Panama, Paraguay, Peru, Philippines, Puerto Rico, Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Singapore, Slovakia, South Africa, Sri Lanka, Trinidad and Tobago, Turkey, United Kingdom, United States, Venezuela, Zambia, Zimbabwe

June 13 – Oman

June 17 – El Salvador, Guatemala

June 21 – Lebanon

June 21 (first day of summer) – Egypt, Jordan, Syria, Uganda

June 23 – Nicaragua, Poland

Second Sunday of July – Uruguay

Last Sunday of July – Dominican Republic

Second Sunday of August – Brazil, Samoa

August 8 – Taiwan

First Sunday of September – Australia, Fiji, New Zealand, Papua New Guinea

Third Sunday of September – Ukraine

August 23 – Nepal

First Sunday of October – Luxembourg

November 12 – Indonesia

Second Sunday of November – Estonia, Finland, Iceland, Norway, Sweden

December 5 – Thailand

December 26 – Bulgaria

Happy Father’s Day.