The “Wood Affair” PR Magic Show

Tiger Woods Press Conference

It is becoming increasingly clear to me that I completely do not understand public relations. So I am assuming Tiger held this monologue session on Friday with the belief that his scripted monologue would magically stop all the discussion and questions. Well. Maybe I should assume some PR agency told him that is what would happen.

Ok. Maybe I was being unrealistic but after all this time (remember. The “Wood Affair” .. as I have deemed it .. began last Thanksgiving) but I wanted more than what I got this morning at this press event.

Hey. That reminds me of the great lyrics of Sugar Hill Gang’s Rappers Delight “and the chicken tastes like wood” … oops. different post.

Anyway. After all this time in the ‘Wood Affair’ and the Tiger having no comment, I wanted something big.

“I was abducted by aliens and my unknown evil twin brother slept with all these women.”

Or I would have even accepted the whole “deal with the devil” explanation I described last November.

But all I got was a scripted speech to a group of people he invited to listen but ask no questions, and then steps away from the podium and … well … that’s it. He was done.

What I don’t get is if this is all he was going to say, then why didn’t he just say it upfront? I am cool with him accepting it is unacceptable behavior (because it was), but simply stepping up to the plate and stating the obvious didn’t seem that newsworthy. And then there was the major penalty stroke I would assess for no questions. What’s up with that?

Does anyone believe that anyone of us normal people would ever get away with that? Look. I personally believe it is his own business but he is one of the world’s biggest celebrities and there are some responsibilities that come along with that so he is kinda stuck with talking publicly. But to me talking is some give & take.


Lastly. The whole “I may go back on tour sometime this year.” Ok. I buy he lives a different life than the rest of us but could you ever imagine that married asshole at work who had an affair (not with someone in the office just some random ho’) deciding he wasn’t going to work for the next six months and then decide to come back to work. Welcome to the real world, T. Woods.

Go back to work. Face the music. People in the hallways will think you are an asshole. People will talk about you in the cafeteria behind your back and sometimes even to your face. You are gonna feel like shit. But you know what? Part of making mistakes is dealing with it and moving forward.

But hey. That’s right. After Tiger finished his little magic show and did some tricks he bowed for the audience and left the stage. We didn’t have a chance to ask him anything. He didn’t even ask if we liked the show.

I just don’t get this whole PR thing apparently. Cause this ain’t the way I would have concluded the “Wood Affair.” He may not be able to keep his wood in his pants but he is the world’s best golfer. Get on the course and start kicking some ass (instead of hooking up with some ass) is what I say. That would have been the monologue to have had.

Written by Bruce