Olympic Update 3

This Snowboarding Pipe Smoking Thing

This whole snowboarding thing is very cool but I still haven’t figured out why it’s an Olympic event. I know several past college friends treated their pipes as Olympic athletes…but…well…another post. Anyway. This Shaun White kid is called the “Flying Tomato.” Awesome. Could you imagine someone having that nickname in the NFL?

He won his second men’s Olympic half pipe (and what exactly is a full pipe…oh…that’s for the plumber Olympics) gold medal Wednesday with a “conservative” first run. I watched this conservative thing and I am not sure how he didn’t land on his head several times let alone just get plain dizzy. On the other hand he may have landed on his head but kept snowboarding and they gave him points for that. So. Once again another Olympic sport that has wacky scoring. He could have won the gold medal just on his first run alone. But they make you do the second run, even though it doesn’t matter … in other words he could done a figure skating routine on his second run and they still would have given him a gold. (WTF?). If the rules allowed it, his first run score of 46.8 would have earned him a silver medal, too.

Anyway. His second run the announcer was so flabbergasted (I love typing that word) with all his Tasmanian Devil whirling dervish tricks they couldn’t keep up with identifying them. Afterwards they told us it was a “super-sized Double McTwist 1260, two back flips with 3.5 rotations of his board and a double cork”. Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Right. He’s 23 and owns a Lamborghini. I would walk over to my closest McDonalds and order a dozen double McTwists if I could have a Lamborghini.

Olympic Crying

After American skater Evan Lysacek(above, far right) finished his moving short program on Tuesday night, he was overcome by emotion. In the area where they sit and stare while the scores come up (what other sport do you sit there and watch while the judges make up the scores?), he wiped away tears. And you wonder why they call this area the “Kiss and Cry” area (what a manly place for all the male skaters).

The USA figure skating coach (who supports Greco-Roman wrestling in the Summer Olympics where they never cry but do rub up against other men) was embarrassed by Lysacek’s behavior “I kept wanting to say, ‘Stop it. Stop it. I’m very stoic, very disciplined. I think of the ski jumpers: when they do well they don’t start to cry. Let’s put it this way: I don’t like figure skaters to cry, but it was an emotional moment. I’m not saying crying is horrible, but I would rather him stop.”

Evan Lysacek in the "kiss and cry" area with his coach Frank Carroll

Unfortunately for the coach one of his other skaters, Mirai Nagasu, is also considered a champion crier.

In the end, after several sob sessions following competitions, the USA coach put his foot down and instituted a “no crying rule.” (good luck dude).

What makes me cry? When I read things like this about men’s ice skating … “You have about 10 brilliant boys in the world who are looking at each other wondering …” said the USA coach Frank Carroll.

Olympic Condoms

The Olympic condom count at the Athlete’s Village at the Olympics is 100,000. For comparison during the 2000 Olympics in Sydney, organizers ordered 70,000 and had to order an additional 20,000 (uh. That’s 90,000 total if you don’t have your abacus). Beijing ordered 100,000 in 2008 with the Olympic motto, “faster, higher, stronger” on them.

(oh my)

So. With the 100,000 condom count in Vancouver it translates to slightly more than 14 for each player, trainer, official and coach. But I believe teammates are allowing unused ‘ones’ to be ‘used’ by more active teammates. (therefore active athletes are totaling 19+ condoms for the Village sports)

In addition the USA Curling team is co-sponsored by the “Hurry Hard’ condoms so they didn’t order any getting all their’s for free.

In a follow up story, Playboy is awarding bronze, silver and gold medals to the athletes who have used the most condoms.


I have already taken a look at some of the curling “uniforms” in my curling Olympic post (they would have to guarantee me a medal to wear some of them). But figure skating is taking it to a completely new level. I believe it is the Russian skaters who brought out their formal “aboriginal” costumes (which drew rebuke from Australian Aboriginal leaders as well as the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy team – although I did hear Britney Spears has asked if she could use the costumes on her next tour stop in Fond du Lac).

Vancouver Olympians: Ice Dancers Oksana Domnina and Maxim Shabalin

The skaters, Oksana Domnina and Maxim Shabalin (I don’t buy that those are their real names …) skated in brown toned body suits augmented by red loin cloths, white striping and artificial leaves. It has been noted that Aboriginal leaders in Australia criticized the costumes as inauthentic and offensive. (I will admit I was slightly surprised that the aborigines were high viewers of figure skating).

“I’d like to say it’s not possible to do a 100% authentic folk dance on the skates. It has required elements … and we have some restrictions in our costumes. I can’t skate without pants like some aboriginal people.” says either Domnina or Shabalin I cannot tell them apart. Awesome stuff.

Written by Bruce