some conversations are not what you think


“Some conversations are not about what they’re about.”

Anne Carson


“Instead of seeking new landscapes, develop new eyes.”

Marcel Proust


Sight is not always about the eyes, often its about thoughts and thinking. What I mean by that is we see what we want to see before any words are spoken and then we place the words we hear into that view. This is dangerous. It is dangerous because framing creates blindness and we ignore the fact experiences are personal <unless there is enough similar critical mass to make it quasi-universal>.

The reality is most personal experiences are 360degree universal and:

  • Research of one is not research.
  • The odds that the person relating the experience <in business management> actually reflects mainstream American <or any mainstream consumer> is so low that, well, even Las Vegas wouldn’t take them odds.

Bottom line?

In order to have real vision, the type of vision that permits you to see people as they truly are and to see a future which is truly possible, you need to realize that your experience is most likely not universal. This may seem like a no brainer, but I can’t tell you how often this basic rule is ignored. WE, even the most savviest behavioral people in business, ignore it all the time <albeit in degrees; not wholesale>. I think a large part of it is that is because people personalize their experience <or their wife/husband’s/group of friends> that they cannot fathom that no one else feels exactly the same way.

Which leads me to some consequences from poor sight.

We are all connected by invisible glass in one window called the Life window. When we hurt someone or when we pass judgment on someone, we are affected as well. Sorry. Life, for some reason, just likes to keep everything balanced. What that means is you are probably better off (or more likely to be happy) if you attach what you care about (and Life objectives) with good intentions for other people. If you look at it selfishly, when your objectives benefit other people there is less difficulty in achieving them. Oh. And others will assist you. If you don’t look at it selfishly, well, just assume more good shit will happen in your life if you do good shit (and think good shit about other people). This is a semi-important thought in that we wander into conversations more worried about what “they want” and “what is their angle” and it inevitably skews our sight. I am not suggesting naivete, simply suggesting that you are more likely to have a mutually beneficial conversation if you don’t pass judgement and act with honest good intentions.

Which leads me to a conversation with yourself about desires.

Desires sometime have a weird filter that makes things not look as they really are. What I mean by that is not everything we go after is what we truly want. Sometimes we only think we know what we want and sometimes we don’t know what we want until we get it. Maddening? You bet. But everyone has this sight. Unfortunately, this sight is most typically found in the main room of your mental house so you look through it a lot. I would suggest this sight is always a bit smudged and makes your own horizon vision a bit fuzzier. The consequence of this fuzziness is you begin to get tempted to go to other people’s mental houses and look thru their “desire sight” and hope for some guidance. Sorry. No can do. Your Desire sight is your Desire sight.  I kind of think they are like snowflakes; no 2 the same. You will probably not have a more aggravating thing to deal with. Too bad. Everyone has it.

So. There you go. I would suggest some conversations are not what you think is universal, and yet individual in different ways. At best you should try and wipe each conversation as clean as you can because, well, the prize is that a conversation clears someone else’s vision enough to see you as the person you wish you were.

“It’s a very powerful thing when someone sees you as the person you wish you were.

Veronica Mars

That is a powerful insight. The conversations in which we get glimpses of the best version of ourselves. And maybe that is my point today. If you develop new eyes, maybe you see your best self. Ponder.

Written by Bruce