when breathing is a burden

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I try to find the truth between all the lies
When Bleeding is feeling and feeling ain’t real

When Breathing’s a burden we all have to bear
And trust is one thing we’re taught never to share
Somehow you just seem to shine
When loving means breaking and saying goodbye

Megan McCauley, Wonder ***

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Breathing is one of those things you just do without thinking about. Until you do. The moment we’re breathing becomes a burden. I would argue that much of life exact is exactly like breathing. You go through life just doing those things without thinking about them. Until you have to. It’s almost like you say goodbye to everything that you have known before or maybe better said everything that you had just taken for granted. I would imagine the majority of us in this situation try to remember what it was like when breathing wasn’t a burden. I would also imagine that it’s too late at that point. It is just a reality of life that when things like that arise you just purposefully breathe in you purposefully breathe out and instead of trying to remember what it was like to not have to think about it, you just start doing.

Oddly, even as you breathe it’s not just breathing that becomes a burden speaking becomes a burden thinking becomes a burden and even the words become a burden. It’s almost like the weight of your words make it even harder to speak. And when that happens you almost begin wondering if there are any real truths in life or if there is any comfort and truth at all, or it’s that just people make up some truth to make it ok.

These are the days you ask where breathing went today.

So. In your head, all you can really think about is …

keep breathing

keep breathing

keep breathing

and maybe that’s the point I am trying to make. With all that goes on in life, some of the really important shit goes on autopilot. Some of the really important shit happens without any thinking. And then sometimes that really important shit reminds you that, well, breathing can be a burden. And all you can do is to try and keep breathing. I suppose when breathing stops, the burden is gone. Or maybe when you stop thinking about breathing, the burden is gone. All I know is that there are certainly times in everyone’s life when breathing becomes a burden.

Ponder.

• *** Wonder (the song): this song plays over the credits of the bad, but good, movie Elektra.