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“Because if there’s one thing I learned from remaking my entire life, it’s this: we are strong as fuck, we can change our stories, and we can do hard things.”

Nicole Antoinette

====

So. When I first started writing my blog in 2009 I read a variety of other blogs just to get a sense of what is good writing, good storytelling and, well, what was good. In my heart of hearts I knew what I wanted to write and how I wanted to write, but over the years I had so much of the “here is what you need to do & how to do it” shit pounded into my head that I was second guessing myself.

Time and time again I kept finding myself reading blogs that were unfiltered well written thoughts and Life episodes. They tended to be stream of consciousness and tended to make you laugh, cry, shake your head, sigh and, most importantly, think.

They were real, not ‘authentic’, just real. Real glimpses of how real people think about shit (whether it be Life or business).

Interestingly, two roommates in the same city I lived in at that time <although I never met either of them> wrote separate outstanding blogs – Jamie Varon with A Life in Translation and Nicole Antoinette with Nicole is Better – which set me on the path of how I write enlightened conflict.

Be Real. Tell the Truth <as it is really seen>.

Share it all with thoughtfulness and with some real-life attitude.

I say all that because I opened with a slightly edited quote from Nicole to say: Life rarely goes the way we plan it.

Shit. Life rarely goes exactly the way we want it <even without specific plans>.

That is neither good nor bad; it just is. Yet, in its neither goodness, nor badness, it is unsettling. Sometimes uncomfortable. Like squirming in a hard plastic chair waiting to hear what the test results are uncomfortable.

Whether you take life by the horns and run with it or wait and seek specific opportunities at some point you will find yourself on that uncomfortable chair. And on that chair you will assess who you are, where you are and what you are.

Uh oh. And then, sometimes, that chair seems even more uncomfortable.

You sit there and think: “WTF. How did I get in this chair?” And not only do you want to get up off that chair, but you want to get out of the fucking room. Shit. You may even want to remake the entire house you live in.

And you think:

I am not a builder … how do I build a new home?

I am not an adventurer … how do I go somewhere I haven’t seen before?

I am not sure where I want to go just that I don’t want to be here … how do I choose a direction?

The answer?

We are strong as fuck.

We can change our stories.

We can do hard things.

Every one of us gets to a place in Life where we look around and go WTF.

What happened? How the hell do I get out of here?

Now. Some of these places are a little deeper in hell than others, but, suffice it to say, they all reside in hell. And you want to get out.

So, not to be flippant: you move. You get up & go. You get up & do.

You are strong as fuck.

You can change your story.

You can do hard things.

The truth is we face Life with strength or, well, you lose in Life. Most of us decide to face the hard shit because we have this inner true strength as described by philosopher Immanuel Kant: “that even small decisions should be made as though we were deciding for all humanity, not just for our paltry selves.”

In other words we realize we can change our story because the bigger story is Life and not our ‘paltry self’ (which is actually just representative of some words on the larger pages of Life). That doesn’t mean you feel any less lost or any more sure of where to go or what exactly to do next; it just means you have the strength to get up & go and do the hard things.

———–

“To feel lost is an indication that you want more out of your life.”

Jamie Varon

————

Now (part 1). Part of what I am discussing is not really change, in my mind it is ’emergence’ or simply ‘becoming.’ What I mean by this is that you aren’t really changing at all but rather digging deep within and just uncovering & discovering what has been there all the time.

Now (part 2). Now part 1 is important because part of what I am discussing about this WTF moment is a warped version of existentialism. It is the moment you face up to where you are in Life and make a decision: a decision to be less self-deceiving, more decisive, more committed, and more willing to take on responsibility for the world you exist within.

A philosopher named Martin Heidegger suggested the reason why it takes “the moment in which you make that decision” to make this personal decision to “do what needs to be done to address where we are in Life”, rather than just doing it pretty much all the time, is because we have a nasty habit of mentally creating this obstacle called das Man <translated as “the they”>. Some nebulous “they” who suggests “they say it is a waste of time” or “they say it is impractical” or “they say the opportunity has passed by.” When pressed we cannot really exactly identify who this “they” is but we know “they” is everywhere and circumvents our personal decision making power. What ‘das man’ suggests is that we convince ourselves we are not actually free to make the decision and do what needs to be done.

“They” constrict the likelihood of success.

“They” gives us the excuse to not admit we are actually free to do something.

“They” will obstruct our change and edit our story.

“They” suggest this is change, and change is bad, because “they” can’t see what already resides within you.

To be clear.

We all indulge in this thought process.

In fact. We indulge in this thought process the majority of the time in our lives.

That is, of course, until you reach a moment. A WTF clarity moment. And in that moment you have a choice:

free to believe you are not strong enough, you cannot change your story, you cannot do the hard, or

free to believe you are strong as fuck, you can change your story and you can do the hard things.

That is the choice.

Let me end where I began. With Nicole’s quote.

When you hit that moment. Just get it in your head the truest of true Life truths:

You are strong as fuck.

You can change your story.

You can do the hard shit.

Anyway.

Life rarely goes the way we want it to go, let alone goes the way we plan it, but we are more than capable enough of dealing with all the twists & turns. In fact. When faced with the WTF moment, we have enough to do the hard stuff to change our story, discover what is actually within that “they” may have suggested we didn’t really have and, well, we are strong as fuck and can do the hard shit. So we just do it. Ponder.

---

“As we must account for every idle word, so must we account for every idle silence.”

Benjamin Franklin

————–

Silence when it is because you didn’t say something is a, well, a haunting silence. It haunts because inevitably we must account for our idleness when it happens. It is the repercussion of the version of ‘things you don’t say.’ (see: https://brucemctague.com/things-people-dont-say ).

That means this is not about things you purposefully ‘don’t say’ … because that is about selective silence … this is more about regrets and missed moments and shit like that.

This type of silence is more a ‘regret silence’ and is about accountability in our own minds, ie., accounting of the repercussions of choice, and choices, we make with regard to ‘idle silence.’

—-

In my voice

there is at least a sign

of living geometry

the words of life

I have never understood

the absurd

difference that runs

between death and the illusion

of the heart’s beating.

Salvatore Quasimodo

—

Despite the fact I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest <and I am fairly sure most people know this>, we still struggle with warring impulses to speak up and shut up.

Look.

I am a no regrets guy. I kind of feel like it’s a waste of energy looking backwards and regretting shit. In fact. Most of the time I would argue the things you think you regret probably did more to make you the person you are today than anything you didn’t regret.

That said. Idle silence can be fixed in some cases. Yup. You can if you spend a little time thinking about some of the things you didn’t say, recognize them and figure out if you can do something about it.

By the way.

This is not navel gazing <of which I am not a huge fan of>, but rather an examination of your actions, or inactions, in assessing and improving. And maybe in the examination you will find yourself seeking an opportunity to say one of these things:

“I’m sorry I didn’t …”

We’ve all have made some bad idle silent mistakes. And apologies, when used well and sparsely, can have real meaning.

Not cheap meaning, but valuable meaning.

To someone else, or, to yourself.

So say you’re sorry.

And don’t attach a “but” excuse to the apology. Eliminate ‘but I was really upset …’ or ‘but I thought …’ or any ‘but statement’ that diminishes the apology, absolves you of the mistake or shifts even the tiniest amount of blame back on the other person.

Say you’re sorry, say why you’re sorry, and take all the blame.

No less … no more.

Acceptance is a small quiet room, no less than you want, no more than you need.

“I’m sorry I let you down.”

By the way.

This is not “I’m sorry.”

This is sorry attached to something.

Attached to something because sometimes people take a chance on you and for some reason you don’t step up and get it done. This means someone else stuck their neck out and you didn’t care enough or were not good enough or … well … just not enough.

To be clear, once again, this can be someone else or it can be yourself in terms of how this is viewed.

Most times in these situations we make excuses … or simply ignore the fact someone took a chance on us and we put our head down and get on getting on. We rarely take the time, or maybe don’t have the guts, to stop and say … “I know you went out on a limb for me and I’m really sorry I let you down. I will do my best to never let it happen again.”

Yeah.

I know you can’t go back in time.

But maybe if you are lucky, you can still say it even though it is better late than never.

My real point is to ‘never let it happen again.’

If you don’t step up when someone puts you in a position to step up, own it. No excuses … no caveats … own it.

It ain’t easy. But this is a good hard. The kind of hard that makes you a better person.

Anyway.

I am chuckling as I wrote this because there will be a shitload of people who will not ‘get’ what I am writing about. I say that because there are a lot of talkers in the world. They talk and talk and … well … talk. They bludgeon you with words. And some of them may look back and actually find some idle silence to be accountable for, but then they will use gobs of words to try and be accountable for the idle time.

—–

 “Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.”

Robert Frost

—–

Look. We all have some ‘idle silence’ to be accountable for. We all have made some silence choices we most likely regret. We will never always get it right. That is Life. But we can always be accountable for our choices. And we should be accountable for the things we didn’t say … the idle silence. Ponder.

Tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor, rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief … which will you be today?”

Capitalism. I am going to attempt to discuss capitalism objectively. I will admit I am getting better at doing so mostly because so many young people question me on the benefits <as well as the seemingly endless array of drawbacks>. That said. If you speak with young people there are a lot of thoughts surrounding communism, socialism and capitalism. While many of us older folk get in a tizzy over that, I do not. I believe it is healthy to discuss the nuances and aspects.

Communists view capitalism the most cynically.

“Capitalists are no more capable of self-sacrifice than a man is capable of lifting himself up by his own bootstraps.”

Vladimir Ilyich Lenin

Schumpeter viewed capitalism with a practical and realistic eye.

“There exists a parallel between education and the scale of moral values in the intellectual sectors and the administrative or bureaucratic sectors against the values and technical criteria of the economic system as it operates.”

Joseph Schumpeter

Which leads me to say I am not sure there is a more polarizing or oft-discussed issue in today’s world than Capitalism — its merits and its flaws and its effect on society & culture.

Capitalism seems to get wrapped up in right versus wrong and morals and greed and a bunch of other things. I have said it before and will say it until the day I die: capitalism is simply a system in which people work and think and behave. It may encourage some things and discourage some others, or let’s say incentivize people to do and think certain ways, but in the end it is a system in which people make choices.

That said. Stephen Covey <author of ‘7 habits of highly effective people’> reminds me of some important principles when it comes to business and capitalism. I admit I originally wasn’t a big fan of Covey and thought “7 habits of highly effective People” not only a vapid read, but the kind of tripe that encouraged non-effective people to think they were effective simply because they ‘implemented’ what effective people seemed to do <rather than make their behavior extensions of their general being>.

But I also admit that i believe almost any business book with regard to ‘what makes people successful’ tripe and relatively useless in the scheme of things <in that people tend to use them as a ‘how to be successful’ rather than thought pieces>.

So my initial thought was nothing against Covey in particular.

Anyway. In hindsight I think I missed the real point of the book (and Covey). I read the book as “a things to do” primer. By the way, my fear is the bulk of readers did as I did.

My point?

I should have taken note that he really was arguing less about discipline, but more about characteristics of personal character and purpose <beyond dollars and cents>. He was adamant that employees were not merely pistons in a machine, powered and oiled to efficiency through rewards and punishments, but rather employees were people. And, even better, individual people <not flocks of sheep>. I should have taken note that he drew inspiration from researching the past. He read almost 200 years of “success literature “.  He discovered that for almost 150 years the most common theme in American business leadership literature was character and that it was only after the Second World War it switched to touting superficial qualities such as appearance and style.

I should have taken note when he added an 8th habit:  “find your voice and inspire others to find theirs.”

I believe in hindsight I should have taken note of his steadfast belief in character above all else.

The Economist wrote this about him:

“… he tried to rescue the notion of character from both the simple minded purveyors of self-help (who imply that you can change your character as easily as your underpants) and the social service establishment (which ignore questions of character by blaming everything on the system).”

And maybe what I wish the Economist writer had noted is that it seems like we have become a working society of “how to” lists.

• How to get things done.
• How to be a better person.
• How to be happy.
• How to be a good leader.
• How to be effective.

I wish Covey were still alive because once he saw how we have become a ‘how to’ society <rather than one which learns how to on their own> I tend to believe he may have just gone back and written a new book called “oops, 7 equals zero if you don’t understand the notion of character.”

In my pea like brain I see the issue as this.

Today’s business world has become a person silo business issue.

Huh?

• Silo one – I am a person of character.
• Silo two – I am a person who can drive profit.

Uhm. And both silos are in one business person. And what this means is exactly how we get these crazy cause related business issues. What I mean is that the profit person is in one room and then goes to another room and says “well, let’s do something good.” And good is just something else you check off your list so that your character person can pat itself on the back and say “yup, I do have character.”

Do I know how to solve it?

Nope.

I know I do not believe Lenin ‘Capitalists are no more capable of self-sacrifice than a man is capable of lifting himself up by his own bootstraps’ because while I do agree that no one can lift themselves up by their own bootstraps I don’t agree that capitalists are not capable of self-sacrifice.

I also know that I wish I could send an email to Stephen Covey or even Peter Drucker.

They would know what to do and what to say.

Maybe they could address the natural challenges capitalism offers to businesses and business people that, in general, it is system that is not needs based, but rather profit based. And that translates into despite the fact we have huge needs that don’t get filled, our business world seems to remain mostly all about the profit.

Capitalism, at its worst, focuses money, profit and success on the already successful. It doesn’t oppress the poor it simply ignores the poor as the rich get richer.

Historically speaking this bears out.

Corporations used to be ‘collective’ enterprises: for the people and the people’s people <society>. Well into the 1970’s companies still defined themselves in terms of products/services offered and overall contribution to society. It was beginning in the 1980’s when finance capitalism drove vision and shareholders profits to become the ultimate objective <trumping even quality of offerings>. Raakesh khurana <Harvard> stated at a business roundtable in 1990:

“Corporations are chartered to serve both their shareholders and society as a whole.”

Ah. But then in 1997 he denied responsibility beyond that of the shareholders.

“The notion that the board must balance the responsibility to stakeholders other than shareholders fundamentally misconstrues the role of directors… “

I am not picking on him, he was simply reflecting upon the current status of the business world. What this really means is that companies, and people in companies, focused on the mere aggregation of financial assets.

This also means business simply stressed every man for himself (and, yes, i purposefully say ‘man’).

And CEOs have certainly thought of themselves. Between 1965 and 2000 the ratio of CEO pay to the typical worker expanded from 24:1 to 300:1. Maybe more concerning is the spread increased significantly between the CEO and the 3rd in command. CEO’s, due to income alone, became isolated from the real worker as well as the real world. They started living in their own bubble <or some version of a business hell>.

By the way, this aggregation of financial assets also means management became inherently more short term focused … and ended up rejecting slow thoughtful methods of decision making and became enamored with gut & instinct.

An outcome of this trend?

Leaders became charismatic; not thought leaders. They became more inspirational and less rational.

In the end I will state the obvious: the pursuit of wealth, or profit, for its own sake not only creates objective blindness, but that blindness strips all productivity of morals and ethics.

And I will also state the obvious: pursuit of wealth and profit is a complex formula.

It is very easy <too easily I may add> to make it an “I” issue. As in ‘person decision’ which inevitably leads to some random ‘psychopathic’ type discussions where this person is ‘this’ or ‘that’, but it really isn’t.

It is a societal and cultural multi-dimensional issue, as in, ‘I do some things because external factors either encourage or demand it <in business and every day Life>’. Yeah. Beyond the incentive levers of an individual business, society wields its own levers of incentives.  My last comment on this part about capitalism is that any crisis we may believe we have with regard to capitalism is first and foremost a crisis <or some derivative of crisis> of society’s character.

Which makes me circle back to Covey.

Effectiveness and ‘greatness’ in leadership begins, and ends, with character. Despite what some boardrooms suggest and some ‘results based’ ideology, profits do not measure true effectiveness.

Regardless. I will close with something David Simon <producer of The Wire> said very well about capitalism:

“Mistaking capitalism for a blueprint as to how to build a society strikes me as a really dangerous idea in a bad way. Capitalism is a remarkable engine again for producing wealth. It’s a great tool to have in your toolbox if you’re trying to build a society and have that society advance. You wouldn’t want to go forward at this point without it. But it’s not a blueprint for how to build the just society. There are other metrics besides that quarterly profit report.

The idea that the market will solve such things as environmental concerns, as our racial divides, as our class distinctions, our problems with educating and incorporating one generation of workers into the economy after the other when that economy is changing; the idea that the market is going to heed all of the human concerns and still maximise profit is juvenile.”

Ah.

…. the idea that the market is going to heed all of the human concerns and still maximise profit is juvenile.

Rationalizing what is happening in today’s society is a natural tendency and it is much much easier to focus on ‘capitalism’ rather than suggesting any dysfunction as effects of modern society: over-stimulation, consumerism, something in the water, the kids today, or too much television <despite the fact we often do>. But I find it difficult to believe there was ever a time … within any economic system … when people weren’t constantly running afoul of their own basic human traits.

What do I mean? We tend to rationalize the pursuit of our own drives. We always have and always will. We tend to, well, denounce, condemn, criticize, censure, attack, rail against, lambast, vilify, revile <pick whatever word you would like> other people for pursuing theirs if theirs happens to oppose ours. All this natural conflict of our ‘humanness’ leads to general unhappiness with ‘the system.’ But before we start wagging our finger at capitalism as if it has been a naughty little boy, we should be looking in the mirror.

We should be examining our character.

Anyway. So I close this brief discussion on capitalism with words from a USA State of the Union address:

“… wheel of progress – to create and build and expand the possibilities of individual achievement; to free other nations from tyranny and fear; to promote justice, and fairness, and equality under the law, so that the words set to paper by our founders are made real for every citizen. The America we want for our kids – a rising America where honest work is plentiful and communities are strong; where prosperity is widely shared and opportunity for all lets us go as far as our dreams and toil will take us – none of it is easy.”

Sometimes we take things for granted.

We certainly take aspects of capitalism for granted and when things don’t go well we lash out in a seemingly indiscriminate fashion.

We look at big things as little things we deserve.

We see what others have and expect that we should have it also.

That isn’t capitalism’s fault that is our <people’s> fault.

Honest work.

Well.

That takes character.

So maybe the issue isn’t capitalism, maybe its, uhm, our own character. Ponder.

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 “I finished by saying that it struck me that all the ethical systems I was discussing were after the fact.

That is, that people act as they are disposed to, but they like to feel afterwards that they were right and so they invent systems that approve of their dispositions.”

alexei panshin

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“Christmas is like candy; it slowly melts in your mouth sweetening every taste bud, making you wish it could last forever.”

Richelle E. Goodrich

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This is about business and also about “the post-Christmas let down”.

What they have in common is what someone once called “happiness hangovers.” I imagine any of us in the business world have felt this after a big meeting or some big trade show or some big thing we have prepared for and had some element of ‘showtime.’

That’s the same kind of funk we fall into after Christmas.

There are a couple of reasons this happens. One scientific and one mental.

Science.

The dopamine let down. Scientifically we juice ourselves up with dopamine in order to ‘meet the moment.’ Think of this as the feeling you get every time the email notification on your phone goes of — every 15 seconds for almost 12 hours straight. Each ‘email has arrived’ notification sends a quick dose of dopamine to the brain, we get jolted <love the high> and then immediately receive another. When we are focused on this specific goal we get the rush of dopamine flowing through our brain and when the goal is achieved your body naturally reduces the levels of dopamine.

The body rebalances itself. The dopamine high goes from high … to low. Then finally normal <assuming there is something normal>.

Bottom line result? We feel bummed. We feel drained. This is the science version of ‘let down.’

Mental.

The positive feelings let down. According to psychologist Gary Stollak, psychology professor, most people have a “happiness set point.” Let’s call that a “5” on the self happiness meter.

Therefore when we get up for something, and it concludes satisfactorily, we rise to a high. Our happiness meter shifts up to 10 <maybe 11 if you are a Spinal Tap fan>.

Unfortunately, your happiness meter balances out. That is partially why your happiest highs are often followed by depressed lows. The worst part of this aspect is what we fill the empty space , which happiness used to hang out in, with doubts, questions, regrets, what ifs, whatever else we could add in that diminished the true happiness and high.

Bottom line result? We go high, we go low and, hopefully, normalize.

Regardless. Suffice it to say, post Christmas, post meeting, post whatever, we are dealing with “it’s over.”

So this year when you sit back with the realization that Christmas is over just take a moment and think about how you (and all of us) deal with the happiness hangover.

The aftermath is so anti-climactic versus the moment itself we tend to fill the space with stuff associated with the event trying to drag it out for as long as we can.

Christmas?

Leave the tree up.

Leave the lights up.

Maybe still play the music.

Business?

Retell the highlight moments.

Replay portions in meetings.

Gather to relive aspects.

As mentioned upfront in this piece, we continuously try to invent things that approve of their dispositions.

We hate to let it go even though our body is telling us we should.

And maybe that is what hurts us the most. Our bodies have left it behind and yet we continue to try and stuff our body & minds with the trappings of “what was” (or, worse, try and make up for how expectations where not met).

We all do it.

And most of us do it unconsciously.

Is it really bad for us to do it?

Well. Research has linked the let-down of perceived stress with an increase in flare-ups of pain and other ailments. One study found that people experience more panic attacks on weekends, and a 2015 study from Taiwan found that holidays and Sundays have more emergency room admissions for peptic ulcers than weekdays do. A 2014 study showed migraine sufferers, in times of stress, didn’t impact migraine occurrence, but a decline in their perceived stress from one evening entry to the next entry was associated with increased migraine onset over the following six to 18 hours <they called this a “let-down headache”>

……………….. Christmas is over …….

Well.

All that said.

The day after Christmas, Christmas is done, but still not completely gone. And just as we do with big work events … we are dealing with the ‘let down effect.’ And while we hang on relentlessly to the trappings even though the event is done and gone at least now you know there are real scientific and psychological reasons behind we are so silly.

Happy Happiness Hangover.

——-

“My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others.

Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that? “

Bob Hope

——————–

“Gotta take the time to search the mind.”

Traci Spencer

————-

Children laugh

Children cry

They’re the future of our time

Will they hold us to blame

For all the things we’ve turned away

I don’t like what I see now

I don’t like where we’re going

I don’t like it, no

You and I, we’re getting older now

You and I, who will show them

If we don’t show them how

I want to know is it true

Is there a house of hope for me and you

I want to know is it true

Is there a house of hope for me and you.

<House of Hope>

Song by Toni Childs

——————————-

 Ok. I admit. I am most likely using Christmas as an excuse to highlight two songs with great messages about vision & hope.

I would suggest, in general, the Christmas gift we end up finding the most value in is hope.

It is a fairly simple idea to suggest we all need hope.

I tend to believe all of us understand a hopeless existence just isn’t worth living. Or maybe I could say that the moment people can’t see Hope, life becomes dangerously hollow.

I think all of us humans <schmucks too> instinctively know this so we spend at least some portions of our lives searching for hope.

However, sometimes we settle for something a little short of hope.

What do I mean?

Well.

With a legitimate desire to feel good about where we’re headed, we tend to mistake positive thinking for genuine hope.

And this year not only did it seem to be more difficult to think positively, but hope seems to be challenged by a world that may appear to be in flux to many people.

Now.

Even if it is not in flux, we do perceive it to be, so therefore the natural reflex is to, well, cocoon our hope.

What I mean by that is we begin to worry a little more on “I” than “we.”

We focus hope a little more on self rather than selfless.

Now.

This doesn’t mean we have suddenly become selfish or that we do not care about others, this is more simply ‘survival mode.’ In that I can’t care as much about others until I know that I have been cared for enough that I feel I am in an okay position & place.

I say that because Hope’s biggest challenge in the future is going to be from a larger world view. With everyone hunkering down avoiding the ‘crazy world’, the world may be put on strict Hope diet.

That’s okay.

We will figure it out.

But for today, maybe just around this Christmas, ponder a world view of Hope.

Take the time to search the mind, “is there a house of hope for me and you?”

Because I believe that if you take a moment and touch it and feel it and sense it, when the future occasion should arise – when you are in a position to care – that world view Hope will touch the spark that resides within and the world Hope will light on fire.

Music is always a great reminder of things that matter and finding music to share hopeful messages is like putting a gift to music.

I could share Christmas music & songs, but instead I am going to share hopeful songs. These are two older songs that are nice to listen to and nice t learn the words to.

Here is my Christmas music gift for this year:

——–

Song: House of Hope

Toni Childs

bonus …

House of Hope Live <she sounds exactly like she does in the recorded version>:

The second song is by Traci Spencer and called This House. The video is horribly early 90’s video making at its worst, but the message is so good you should ignore the video and listen to the words.

——

Song: This House

Traci Spencer

——————–

Well. There you go. Gotta take the time to search the mind … Is there a house of hope for me and you ?

Search your mind.

There is always a house of hope for you & I.

Sometimes, and some days, you just have to look a little harder to see it.

===

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

====

Jitters

plural noun​ /ˈdʒɪt̬·ərz/

​<Cambridge Dictionary>

a feeling of being nervous that you experience before something important happens:

I always get the jitters the morning before an exam.

=====

“I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.“

Fred Rogers

=========

Christmas Eve and pre-Christmas jitters.

This is different than anticipation or expectations or … well … anything, but the … uhm … jitters.

Ok.

Why jitters?

It all revolves around receiving and giving. And this changes as we get older.

In youth the jitters revolve around the receiving.

As we age the jitters shift to giving.

And while years come and go, the jitters stay year in and year out. And maybe that is what makes this version of jitters a little unique.

Experience doesn’t matter.

No matter how many Christmases you have endured, enjoyed or embraced, no matter how familiar the ritual becomes and how consistent the day & event unfolds, none seem to ever change the ‘jitter’ aspect.

Now. I can’t speak to the receiving jitters anymore because I have left youth far behind.

But as for the giving?

Well. You don’t even have to invested gobs of time pondering the perfect gift nor does it matter that you know what someone wants … the moment before the moment … creates … well … at least a moment of jitters.

Despite the fact most of us know we suck at giving gifts , we want to get it right. We want to maybe not hit the nail on the head gift wise, but we at least want to not be so far off base that we disappoint on the one day of the year where you think disappointment just shouldn’t show up.

Look.

I like reading how many people write about Christmas.

I like reading how many people seem to reach into the true spirit of Christmas and reflect upon the goods & the bads <but, most typically, the goods>.

I like reading how many people enjoy the glitz & glitter & trappings and, yet, for the most part enjoy the underpinnings and the ‘invisible’ or ‘less than visible’ things that truly make up Christmas.

And maybe it is that last point why so many of us have pre-Christmas jitters. For one moment, the moment a gift is picked up, shaken, and opened, you are quite possibly more visible than you have ever been and even more visible than any glitz & glitter & trappings surrounding you.

Its not that most of us want to be invisible, but being starkly visible — whether we are ready or not or want it or not — can be a little daunting.

Hence the jitters.

In the end.

Gifts don’t really matter.

Shit. We all pretty much know that. Even bad gifts given with good intentions are good gifts.

And we all pretty much know that Christmas is more found in the hearts & souls of all < yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus> rather than in some poorly wrapped, are impeccably wrapped, gift.

But all that said.

Pre-Christmas jitters.

I assume 99% of us have them. Even with all that I shared with regard to what I tend to believe all of us know about Christmas.

And you know what?

The jitters are part and parcel to a good Christmas day.

Why?

It shows you care.

You care about Christmas and you care that someone cares about what you have given.

Caring … is … well … good.

Merry Christmas and I hope your jitters are merry.

===

“The list could surely go on, and there is nothing more wonderful than a list, instrument of wondrous hypotyposis.”

Umberto Eco

—-

“We made a drywall list of keyboard buttons we would like to see:

PLEASE, THANK YOU, FUCK OFF, DIE, OOPS…MY MISTAKE, DO SOMETHING COOL AND SURPRISE ME.”

Douglas Coupland

——-

Archaic as it may sound, writing things down may be more important today than ever before.

Yup. Crazy, huh?

Writing shit down does matter.

Which leads me to how many times do we hear about someone complaining about how they missed a deadline or forgot to do something?

Well. If you interviewed all the guilty parties the overwhelming answer would be. 

“TIME! 

THERE’S NOT ENOUGH TIME!”

 Yup.

There is the culprit. That bastard Time.

It pretty much is a consensus in business, and Life, that the only thing that creates missed deadlines and missed ‘task doing’ is lack of time.

If you think about it just a bit, that’s kinda nuts. Ok. Maybe it is just a bogus excuse.

The reality is the issue is not Time but rather, uhm, “everyone is always looking to do an unreasonable amount of things in an unreasonable amount of time.”

All that said. I say “nuts” to that.

Critical deadlines are part of business and will always be a part of business. If you can’t live with crazy deadlines, get out of business. Go be the person behind the counter at the bike rental place or a government employee at the driver’s license department or a park ranger.

Now that I am done being an asshole let’s assume you have a real job in a real office with real responsibilities.

This is where the whole writing shit down topic becomes relevant.

You may have heard of the Yale <or Harvard Business School> study of goals in which only 3% of the graduating class had specific written goals for their futures. Twenty years later that 3% was found to be earning, uhm (clears throat a bit), 10x that of the group that had no clear goals.

Oops.

That is an urban myth so please do not screenshot that portion and expound upon goals.

No actual study done. In fact. Fast Company published an article about the alleged study: “If Your Goal is Success, Don’t Consult These Gurus”: http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/06/cdu.html . So all those “list business consultant gurus” and the gazillion self help list making books are full of shit.

However.

Just to be fair <not to the expert blowhards, but to lists> a clinical psychologist at Dominican University in California has conducted research on goals.

1. Types of goals:

Participants pursued a variety of goals including (in order of frequency reported) completing a project, increasing income, increasing productivity, getting organized, enhancing performance/achievement, enhancing life balance, reducing work anxiety and learning a new skill.

Examples of “completing a project” included writing a chapter of a book, updating a website, listing and selling a house, completing a strategic plan, securing a contract, hiring employees and preventing a hostile take-over.

2. Goal Achievement:

Group 5 achieved significantly more than all the other groups; Group 4 achieved significantly more than Groups 3 and 1; Group 2 achieved significantly more than Group 1.

  3. Differences between all writing groups and the non-writing group: 

Although the previous analysis revealed that Group 2 (written goals) achieved significantly more than Group 1 (unwritten goals), additional analysis were performed to determine whether there were also differences between the group that had not written their goals (Group 1) and all groups that had written their goals (Groups 2-5). This analysis revealed that the mean achievement score for Groups 2-5 combined was significantly higher than Group 1.

Conclusions:

1. The positive effect of accountability was supported

Those who sent weekly progress reports to their friend accomplished significantly more than those who had unwritten goals, wrote their goals, formulated action commitments or sent those action commitments to a friend.

2. There was support for the role of public commitment

Those who sent their commitments to a friend accomplished significantly more than those who wrote action commitments or did not write their goals.

3. The positive effect of written goals was supported

Those who wrote their goals accomplished significantly more than those who did not write their goals.

——————

 My point here is simply that lists can help in a variety of ways. This study shows some evidence that a combination of accountability, commitment and writing down one’s goals demonstrates writing shit down enhances the likelihood of goal achievement.

But here is the most interesting point. Its not really about accountability, its more about eliminating stress. Yeah.  List making has its highest value not in actual productivity, but actually with stress reduction.

Stress?

Yup. There is a guy named James Fallows who wrote in 2004-something the fact that our brains may not be able to remember shit when it gets overloaded and, yet, at the same time the brain also can’t forget. Basically that is the cognitive paradox – overload and locked & loaded.

Regardless.

That sucks.

At some deep and not very efficient level the brain is always chewing over all the things you should have done, but haven’t. Worse? As it chews away it tends to remind you of them at the worst time – typically in the middle of the night.

What this suggests is that most of our stress comes not from having too much to do, but from trying to keep track of it all. Which explains why, when you’re feeling so overwhelmed and you finally sit down and make a list you tend to experience a sense of relief. I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that this sense of relief occurs even if the tasks just written down remain as unfinished as when you began.  Yup. But now your brain has a plan to chew on. Basically you have offloaded the job of remembering them to an “outboard brain” which then permits your actual ‘inboard brain’ to relax a little.

Regardless. Here is the deal.

If you are in a business you can make lists until you have an entire wall covered with nothing but lists, but, frankly, all the shit on your lists and why they never seem to get done are typically a reflection of the systems around you, or more specifically, the lack of systems as well as people who do not follow the system. Yeah. I just gave everyone who isn’t getting things done an excuse.

I am kinda okay with that excuse because, let’s face it, most companies just have crappy systems. Mostly because most business is done verbally or via email and true project management gets relegated to behind “all the shit we have to do now.”

Please do not misconstrue anything in what I say because project management is hard.

REALLY hard. Especially in a business organization.

Which leads me back to the main point of today’s piece:

EVERYTHING IS PUT INTO WRITING.

NO EXCEPTIONS.

It keeps you organized, because you no longer have to keep stuff in your head, but you can externalize it to a piece of paper, and later you can process it.

Why write it down?

It’s pretty simple. I don’t need research nor any guru to tell me the key thought.

Although there is no proven limit of how much stuff you can remember, there is always an opportunity cost. You cannot focus on too many things at the same time. Writing shit down is a powerful simple way to focus your attention, keep track of shit, and create a permanent record for the future.

Here is another factoid that should encourage you to write shit down: the Act of Writing Helps Your Memory.

Yup.

Have you ever noticed that when you write a shopping list, you can remember almost all the items on it without glancing at it? Or when you have a bright idea and scribble it in your notebook, you can remember it all day? The very act of writing things down helps to get them lodged into your long-term, not short-term, memory.

Look. Writing shit down on a consistent basis seems like a Time burden and often seems to not bear any obvious benefits. But, beyond achieving goals, lists can actually saves time.

——

“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.”

Goethe

——

Lists can save you time because they can help you decide what to do. I say that because not everything on a list is of equal value. Suffice it to say there are want to do’s and need to do’s. It was Stephen Covey who did an excellent job outlining how to think about things on your lists. This matrix is the creation of Stephen Covey <which he discusses in his book, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”>.

Central to this matrix is organize and execute around priorities.

If we classify activities by urgency and importance, you arrive at the matrix above. Urgent means it requires immediate attention. Important has to do with results, it contributes to your mission, values or high priority goals. He advocates spending as much time as possible in Quadrant II, feeding opportunities and starving problems. The time you’ll need to add to Quadrant II will come from Quadrants III and IV. As you begin to spend more time in Quadrant II, the issues in Quadrant I will begin to dwindle.

Which leads me to writing shit down and the quality of idea output.

Simplistically, off target ideas are bad ideas.

<yes … there are bad ideas>

Many people equate success in ideas to how nice the idea looks or feels or how quickly it was “turned around.” Some people equate success to quantity + speed to generate. And, yeah, I cannot argue that those things are important in today’s ‘cram 10 pounds of shit into a 2 pound bag’ and slightly frenetic <if not verging on chaotic> business world, but bad ideas are bad ideas and quantity & speed are not enough.

In today’s world just getting shit done doesn’t hack it; it has to work. It has to produce results. Turning crap around around in record time only means that you are an excellent crap producer. You check a whole bunch of shit off your lists, and you may show up in monthly meetings pointing out how much shit you have checked off your list, but at some point someone is going to point out all you have done is generate shit lists.

But, back to poor ideas.

I’ve been around the ideas part of business for almost forty years. In the process of doing thousands of ideas assignments, I have learned there are basically two things that contribute most to good ideas:

quality input

=

time

Good input is critical to good ideas and the proper amount of time for the input ingredients to cook to create the idea pretty much will make or break the quality of your output from your list items. I would like to note that adequate time may be one of the most underrated important factors in the ideas process. Yeah. The difference between bad ideas, good ideas and great ideas is always about having the opportunity to look & think about what you did yesterday. I can guarantee an idea given a chance to be finessed, to be rethought a little will be a better idea in the end.

Time <some … not an infinite no deadline amount> makes an idea better.

Anyway. I thought about this after seeing another one of those lists of ‘5 things successful people do’ and, humorously, making lists almost always seems to be on that list.

It’s kind of crazy <in my mind> because we Americans are, and always have been, list makers.

—

“Americans are good with to-do lists; just tell us what to do, and we’ll do it.

Throughout our history, we have proven that.

Colonize. Check.

Win our independence. Check.

Form a union. Check.

Expand to the Pacific. Check.

Settle the West. Check.

Keep the Union together. Check.

Industrialize. Check.

Fight the Nazis. Check.”

Marianne Williamson

—-

In the end. What is the best reason to write shit down?

You avoid verbal project management <which is a 98.32764% chance of failure if verbal>.

If you want something, or something done, write it down.

Nothing should be done on a verbal basis.

Things get lost when not written down. Thoughts, ideas, input, well, anything.

There you go …  writing shit down means the shit has a less likelihood of getting lost. Ponder.

=======

“For it is in giving that we receive.”

Francis of Assisi

======

“The excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than in its
value.”

Charles Dudley Warner

=======

Well. This is about gift giving. As noted in this post, most of us suck at giving Christmas gifts. <Me & Christmas gift Giving>

Sure.

On occasion we get lucky and give that one spectacular gift that make someone’s eyes light up and you know you have knocked it out of the park. But more often than not we fall back on dollars & cents assessing “how much did you get” or making ourselves feel better by “how much we gave.”

I tend to believe we fall back on that because on that day and in that moment we couldn’t really figure out what the ‘right gift’ really was to give and just try and overcome it with volume.

I have given Christmas gifts spanning from $5 to $50 to $500 only to have found that if you give the right gift, the perfect gift for the person and the moment in time, the dollar value is irrelevant.

I have given a hand written poem in a well-chosen Christmas card on a year when I didn’t have any money and given something expensive on a year where I had the budget to send more. What I have found is that both have created the joy of giving … & the joy receiving … and created equal value despite the dollar outlay.

It took me years to find ‘right gifts’ for my sister and my mother — neither of which I know particularly well <tickets to games for my sister’s favorite baseball team and a huge spring bouquet of flowers for my mother>.

All this rambling leads me to share the two gifts … my favorite gift stories … which remind us all of the power of the ‘right gift’ at Christmas.

The first is an odd one, but for an amateur writer, like I, it has within it all the aspects a writer could only dream of being able to gift upon someone … “yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus” letter from the editor –Is There A Santa Claus?
Editorial Page, New York Sun, September 21, 1897

This one may seem odd as a gift, but I put it in the gift category in that I struggle to find a better articulation of “belief in something good” which suggests some of the best things are not tangible … but in the heart & soul.

What a gift this letter from the editor is … in fact … what a gift to any and all … not just children.

The second is a story I never tire of … the gift that gave us To Kill a Mockingbird.

====

This story was published in the December 1961 McCall’s magazine – titled Christmas To Me.

====

There was an envelope on the tree, addressed to me. I opened it and read: “You have one year off from your job to write whatever you please. Merry Christmas.”

“What does this mean?” I asked.

“What it says,” I was told.

They assured me that it was not some sort of joke. They’d had a good year, they said. They’d saved some money and thought it was high time they did something about me.

“What do you mean, do something about me?”

To tell the truth – if I really wanted to know – they thought I had a great talent, and…

“What makes you think that?”

It was plain to anyone who knew me, they said, if anyone would stop to look.

They wanted to show their faith in me the best way they knew how. Whether I ever sold a line was immaterial. They wanted to give me a full, fair chance to learn my craft, free from the harassments of a regular job. Would I accept their gift? There were no strings at all. Please accept, with their love.

It took some time to find my voice. When I did, I asked if they were out of their minds. What made them think anything would come of this? They didn’t have that kind of money to throw away. A year was a long time. What if the children came down with something horrible? As objection crowded upon objection, each was overruled. “We’re all young,” they said. “We can cope with whatever happens. If disaster strikes, you can always find a job of some kind. OK, consider it a loan, if you wish. We just want you to accept. Just permit us to believe in you. You must.”

“It’s a fantastic gamble,” I murmured. “It’s such a great risk.”

My friend looked around his living room, at his boys, half buried under a pile of bright Christmas wrapping paper. His eyes sparkled as they met his wife’s, and they exchanged a glance of what seemed to me insufferable smugness. Then he looked at me and said softly; “No, honey. It’s not a risk. It’s a sure thing.”

Outside, snow was falling, an odd event for a New York Christmas. I went to the window, stunned by the day’s miracle. Christmas trees blurred softly across the street, and firelight made the children’s shadows dance on the wall beside me. A full, fair chance for a new life. Not given me by an act of generosity, but by an act of love. Our faith in you was really all I had heard them say. I would do my best not to fail them. Snow still fell on the pavement below. Brownstone roofs gradually whitened. Lights in distant skyscrapers shone with yellow symbols of a road’s lonely end, and as I stood at the window, looking at the lights and the snow, the ache of an old memory left me for ever.

• Harper Lee went on to write Go Set A Watchman and To Kill A Mockingbird.

Well.

I share these gifts for one of my favorite days of the year Christmas just to remind everyone that in a world that far too often measures success & results off of dollars & cents & some number … sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is … well … anything but dollars & cents.

It is hope, belief, optimism and trust … in someone.

I can’t guarantee much to anyone most of the time but on this I feel I can give a 100% guarantee.

I wrote this in my 2014 Christmas post:

I think many people may treat the event & time as a gift giving occasion or a time to gather or even a time to reflect … but I am beginning to think Christmas offers a glimmer of ‘what could be’ more than anything else. Sometimes it may simply be a small glimmer but it is …well … a glimmer.

A small piece of hope for the future.

A small spotlight on when hope appeared in the past year or so.

I tend to think as we get older our lists get smaller because we get closer to the one thing that really matters. This also means that the closer you get to that one thing the less important all the other things become.

And maybe I was partially right … hope is a gift with an inestimable value.

But other things like believing in someone, optimism that someone can be the better version of who they want to be and … well … simply ‘trust’ also have inestimable value to someone in need of this gift.

Anyway.

Here is my 100% Christmas gift guarantee.

If you give someone something on Christmas day, something that brings forth hope, belief in oneself, optimism in what could be and/or trust in that person, … well, it could have cost $5 … $50 … or $500 … and it will not matter — its value is infinite.

Ponder.

===

Alice: I simply must get through!

Doorknob: Sorry, you’re much too big. Simply impassible.

Alice: You mean impossible?

Doorknob: No, impassible. Nothing is impossible.

Alice in Wonderland

===

Impassible versus impossible.

There is kind of a life lesson in that challenge.

Physically some things are just not possible as an individual.

I could never have become an NBA (or even a college) basketball player. There is no chance I would have ever threatened Usain Bolt in a race.

Frankly there are some things in life that take some physical talent to achieve.

Even some odd things that can impact your Life <and career>.

A great orator has the gift, the art of speech, within which gives them a natural <rather than learn through the science from without> ability to articulate things well..

Some people cannot travel and function well. They are just not physically capable of fulfilling some roles involving lots of travel.

Sure.

To some degree you can overcome some physical limits, but in general you won’t be able to overcome another who has the true innate natural ability and who is possibly physically more adept or able to meet the ‘whatever’ that makes that opportunity “passible.” Sometimes the issue is just too big and is, once again, impassible.

Of course, there are always exceptions.

Hence the ‘nothing is impossible.’ But I would be remiss if I didn’t point out they are exceptions; not the rule.

Anyhoo. This is a marvelous moment with Alice. And the fact it is given by the metaphorical doorknob is genius.

Life offers you a shitload of doors. And I can promise you several things about these Life doors:

–      They will be closed when you first see them.

That’s just the way Life works.

Some are locked, some are unlocked, some are small and some are big.

Heck. Some are hidden and some are painted bright red <so you do not miss them>. But they will all be closed initially and you will have to reach out and take the doorknob. It may talk to you and it may not. But you gotta open the door on your own to decide if it is passable or impassable.

–       Each door when you open it has a door jamb and it will give you the opportunity to trip over it; even if the door itself is wide open.

Well. Life rarely makes even open doors easy. Keep your eyes open, head high, footsteps confident and you have a chance. Let me repeat: a chance (not a guarantee).

–       There are a shitload of doors.

Life will not be frugal with regard to showing you doors. In fact, in a twist of semi-cruel intent, it will offer you more doors than you will know what to do with. That means with all these doors available you need to recognize the fact that the doors in life will all represent multiple challenges and each door may not be right for you.

So maybe if you face each one by simply deciding first ‘is it passible’ and second ‘is it possible’ you will choose the best doors to pass through in your own life.

That’s all I really know about doors that Life offers you.

Impassible or Impossible.

Outstanding thought to keep in mind as you walk thru Life.

Ponder.

“The essential element of successful strategy is that it derives its success from the differences between competitors with a consequent difference in their behavior. Ordinarily, this means that any corporate policy and plan which is typical of the industry is doomed to mediocrity. Where this is not so, it should be possible to demonstrate that all other competitors are at a distinct disadvantage.”

Bruce Henderson

 ===

“Ability is of little account without opportunity.”

Napoleon Bonoparte

===

Business consultants. As with anything, there are good ones, and bad ones, and then there are those of us who think they could be a consultant and are a little unclear what defines a good one or bad one.

Regardless. Let’s take a minute and talk about consultants through my eyes. I will begin by suggesting I imagine it is often as effective in Life to admit what you are not good at as well as what you are good at in determining what you want to do.

I have already noted I would suck at being a free lancer <https://brucemctague.com/14-reasons-why-i-would-suck-at-freelancing>. And after reading a great article in The Economist <Schumpeter: Thinking twice about Price>, I will be able to note I would suck at being a consultant.

Why?

Because I have a deep need to tell the truth in business no matter what it may be.

Now. I did not believe that would be a problem until I read this article <okay, that is not true, I have always known telling the truth in business is often not a good ‘survival’ strategy>. That said. While reading the article I was beginning to think of myself as a potentially good business consultant because most of the thinking in the article discussed why businesses should be discussing how to raise their prices rather than cut costs as a way to increase profits <I am a huge advocate for this type of business thinking>.

Oh.

And then I reached the end of the article and … well … oops. I was mistaken. Because apparently while many consultants may actually believe this <raising prices can be good> and believe it is the right thing to do they will not tell a client for fear of not maintaining the relationship (please take note of the bolded part there):

“The irony, confides a senior management consultant, is that firms have such a taboo against letting go of a client … that they are the worst at taking their own advice to be fearless in asking for more, and walking away if they do not get it.”

The Economist <Schumpeter July 2013>

I couldn’t be a consultant because, uhm, I am too fearless? Because I am willing to walk away? Well. That not only sounds odd said out loud it even looks ludicrous now that it is typed. In fact. Its 100% bullshit. It seems to me being good at anything in business doesn’t really have to do with being fearless, but rather being someone of integrity.

Anyhoo.  To be clear. I am not anti-consultant. I actually believe they can provide a huge value to businesses <although I do believe how they go about business is a little wacky on occasion: https://brucemctague.com/a-rant-about-process-and-consulting>.

Wacky process or not, I sometimes believe the title ‘consultant’ is incorrect and does not infer enough responsibility upon the consultant themselves.

Maybe they should be called truth teller? fixer? guide? or, as my friend Dr. Jason fox would suggest, leading a quest?

Anyway. In my mind, a consultant should do work that most large companies <and smaller leaner organizations> are simply incapable of doing internally. Well. They are actually capable (most companies actually have the smart people who can do what a consultant <truth seeker> is hired to do), but those people are already in important positions already doing important things to keep the company going. In other words, they have other important shit to do.

Just to go on the record <this is Bruce mental research and not some expansive global survey of actual results and feedback> I believe there are several groupings of consultants:

–          The larger consulting firms. They are really really smart <but maybe not willing to tell you all you need to hear>, in addition, they tend to offer square peg solutions no matter the shape of the hole your business has.

–          Maybe 50% of the smaller consultants are really really good. They are senior experienced folk who know what they know and are willing to not do things they don’t know. Some may tell you what you need to know and some may tell you what you want to hear <because small businesses sometimes go into survival mode>, but, get a good one of these and hold onto them as tight as you would hold onto your best employees.

–          Maybe 25% of the smaller consultants are not really that smart in a solution criteria judgment way, but are really really good listeners and can play back something they have heard in a way that actually helps you <the company> identify a solution you kind of already knew but now it becomes clearer & actionable. Maybe these ‘consultants’ are what are now called “coaches.”

–          And the last 25% are hacks. They think they are smarter than they really are. They are sincere with regard to believing their own capabilities, but they sincerely give you really bad advice. What may be worse is they aren’t really charlatans, they just don’t really know their shit.

Oh.

A quick note on the fact that the larger consulting firms are really really smart (but typically not in a ‘maximize full potential of a business way). It is a fact that most of the larger consultancies have gobs of very smart, very ambitious, very hard-working young inexperienced people killing themselves to do what they are required to do. And these gobs of smart young people feed information to more senior experienced team leaders <who actually know what they are talking about> leading to some really smart insightful thoughtful thinking. Unfortunately, you <the client & company> may never get to hear what the really smart insightful thoughtful thinking is because it is going to be tempered in a way to insure you don’t walk away. In other words they fear telling the truth because the truth may piss you off <or it may not be what you want to hear>. I imagine I am suggesting large consultants, no matter how arrogant they are, are the least fearless consultant options you can find.

Now. On one particular dimension consultants are the furthest thing from stupid. They know what most companies already know … that truth telling inside organizations is a common challenge.

“Authentic and honest internal communication results in better, faster decisions and actions. It also builds a culture of trust and collaboration where opposing views are debated and more effective solutions and innovations are created. In reality, however, there is a distinct lack of truth-telling inside most organizations. I’m not talking about malevolent dishonesty. No-one goes to work thinking “I’m going to hinder my own and my company’s performance by withholding the truth from my colleagues”. I’m talking about the many moments each day where we think one thing, but say something different; where we have an idea that may be of value, but we hold back and say nothing; where we are called upon to give an honest opinion, but decide to say what is easier or what we think others want to hear.”

Lynn Harris <organizational development consultant>

And it is a challenge for actually a good reason.

Telling the truth is not pervasive in most organizational cultures because we fear the consequences. This fear is all about an imagined <and often very real> negative impact.

It is a fear of conflict as well as fear of self survival.

I read this somewhere which captures the real fear better than almost anything else I read:

One thing’s for sure, in an environment where truth-telling is not the norm, we would certainly stand out by speaking frankly and many of us would prefer to keep our head down rather than present a stationary target.

This all leads to me to another non-research supported point.

It seems like there are two basic types of consultants.

• Those that listen carefully for what the client wants to hear.
• Those that listen carefully to isolate the issues  for what their clients should hear.

As a corollary, there seem to be two types of consultant clients.

• Those who really want consultants to tell them exactly what they want to hear <with the intent to support their own ‘already made up mind’>.
• Those who really want the consultant to help them and want to hear what they need to hear.

Regardless. Great business consultants are like psychiatrists, well, but different. While psychiatrists only ask questions <the patient must answer them>, consultants ask the questions and answer them or guide the business toward some answers..

Ok. But back to me not as a consultant.

I would suck because somewhere down the business career road I began to tell the truth. I knew I had to from a personal integrity standpoint, therefore, the first person I had to stop lying to was myself. While I cannot consciously go back to any one point in my career and say “this was the moment” I can say unequivocally, while painful to a lot of people around me, once I began telling the truth it seemed like my business life began to become my own. And it happened very very quickly.

So how does Truth in consulting come to life?

I like to report what I find without considering whether they fit the client’s preconceptions.

I like to admit if I cannot find something or even if I do find something that I have no frickin’ idea what it means <but still share the information>.

I like to give a point of view so I can be held to it <and actually get compensated more if I am right>.

I like to give the best recommendations for their future business without thinking about the impact on my own future business.

I like, well, to tell the truth.

Why? Well, its not just an integrity thing, it is more a business thing. I tend to believe businesses need truth more now than ever particularly if they seek to rise above mediocrity and optimize at least some of their potential. So many organizations seem to run on fear these days <which I do not believe is healthy> and I kind of feel like it is my responsibility to give voice to the fears and the truths <which one could construe as the ‘hope’>. Consultants need to act like the co-pilots of the ship (that quest thing) not passengers who are along for the ride. By the way this is an aggravating behavior to the current pilots of the ship.

Yeah.

I know.

I would suck at being a consultant.

Not only does no one want to hear the truth … when they do hear it they disregard it is ‘non-truth’, i.e., ’that’s not really the way its is’, or worse – the answer that sends me directly to a bar – “oh, that isn’t relevant.”

I imagine my real point here is that a consultant is worth every overpriced dime you give them; if they tell the truth.

Ponder.

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postscript: I have actually done a small bit of consulting, maybe what someone would call some ‘coaching’ because I have found some businesses who like to have the hard discussions. that said. I have been incredibly fortunate to find some think tanks, who like to think about the future, who like to take on some of the harder discussions.