some people come into your life and leave scars


“I have scars on my hands from touching certain people.”

J.D. Salinger


Some people come into your life and scar your heart.

Some people come into your life and scar your hands.

Here is the difference.

The ones who scar your hands effect what you do.

The scars are best practices, “the way things are done” and any number of rules of the road. Simplistically, scars are rules that suggest principles, or being principled, are less important or even unimportant. The consequence, or cost, is lost craftsmanship. The ability to craft things – life, events, work, etc.

But then there is a different scar. Values. Yeah. I just said values. From the moment you are born you have people suggesting what you should value, what life values and what people think is valued. Every parent, teacher, school, club, coach you touch will scar your view of life’s value exchange. But it gets a bit worse from there. Not only do you get messages on what is valued, and they are rarely aligned among all input, you begin getting counseled on values. This spans from the general vapid ‘value’ to some specifics. It can become a confusing mix of scars.

Honesty is important, but its okay to keep some things to yourself.

People’s dignity is important; but some people are deemed more important than others.

Integrity is important; but winning may trump integrity on occasion.

Oh. Winning. Yeah. How you win matters; but losing makes you a loser, so do what it takes to win.

And the churches tend to offer some specific values and, yet, offer a parachute in terms of “everyone sins.”

So. The values are rigid; until they are not.

And then the business world starts whispering “shared values” (which is different than shared attitudes) which morph into some posters on the wall, some nice words in a handbook, and some inevitable chafing on existing scars you already have when you touch the new shared values construct.  Why? Well. Sometimes the values of an individual (the values you value most) are a bit different than what is outlined in shared values and it is like trying to jam a round peg into an elliptical hole. And maybe just a bit worse is that these ‘shared values’ aren’t really principles, just broad words that create some massive spaces within which some fairly dubious behavior can be justified.

All that said.

I began with the thought that hand scars effect what you do. Actions. “Doing” choices. And that is where the rubber hits the road. Doing choices, for the most part, are individual choices. Scars or no scars, they are your hands and you can do with them what you choose to do. Ponder.

Written by Bruce