Fathers day 2015

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“I ached for him and the choice he had to make … that was his alone.

I’d said what I had to say and I figured it was better to keep my mouth shut.

Climb Mount Everest, discover a cure for the common cold, hit major league pitching, become president – they’re all a piece of cake.

If you’re looking for challenging, if you’re looking for tough – try being a parent.”

—

Les Roberts

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“Soon afterward, like figures made of steam, father and son disappear into the crowd of the Ramblas, their steps lost forever in the shadow of the wind.”

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The Shadow of the Wind

<Carlos Ruiz Zafon>

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Happy Father’s Day.

This is one of the few ‘days’ I consistently write something.

Maybe because I think a child having a father figure is really important.

Shit.

Not just fathers but parents.

Shit.

I imagine, in general, I just like adults participating in the nurturing of our youth.

It is not an easy task.

You are expected to have all the answers … but you don’t.

You are expected to be perfect … but you aren’t.

You are expected to always rise to the occasion … but you can’t … that is impossible <even with 100% effort and focus>.

You know your behavior inevitably affects their behavior … sometimes just not in a simple stimulus- response way.

For me? … not being a parent I can only see the outcomes of parenting.

I know one of the most difficult outcomes to view .. from my perspective as well as good, well intended parents … is that adults, parents included, can so easily create, or ruin, the lives of the ones they love the most … their children.

Uhm.

Without even knowing it.

And that’s the thing.

Just as with almost anything in Life … it is difficult to see ‘without’ when you are deep in the ‘within.’ The majority of fathers, and parents, do what they do with the best intentions. They do the best they can.

They can watch their child naturally and happily embrace the world. They can watch how effortlessly, and sometimes not so effortlessly, their personality unveils itself.

They watch constantly wanting to warn them to ‘just be yourself’ and never try to become what others want you to be … also realizing at exactly the same time that view may be a little naive, maybe impossible, and certainly biased.

Ultimately they are first & foremost parents, a father as we look at today, and the way a father  sees his children will inevitably affect how the child sees themself … a father cannot help but influence the person the child inevitably turns out to be.

That is a heavy burden to carry day in and day out.

All parents, not just fathers, have a tough job.

They have signed up for it but are not sure what they have actually signed up for until it actually happens.

In the end I imagine most fathers, especially the great ones, will look back and judge themselves harshly for all the times they may have done things poorly or wrong or whatever.

But I would also suggest that maybe all a father can judge themselves by is “I was there.”

Because as time disappears into the shadow of the wind if you can see shadows seemingly made of steam of a father beside their children … you should judge yourself well.

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My Past Fathers Thoughts:

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2013

https://brucemctague.com/there-are-no-perfect-fathers

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https://brucemctague.com/the-slippery-slope-of-embellishment

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2014

https://brucemctague.com/imperfectly-perfect-fathers

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2013

https://brucemctague.com/crows-ravens-hope-and-fathers

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2012

https://brucemctague.com/father%e2%80%99s-day-2

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2011

https://brucemctague.com/father%e2%80%99s-day

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