the head and change

Ok. This is about personal change.

And maybe more specifically strength of character or positive thinking (although I typically don’t like that phrase) or just having some inner resiliency and fortitude to just start making some changes personally.

I guess in some way you have to believe that in some form or fashion you have something remarkable about yourself to be able to make some significant changes in your life.

You don’t have to believe you are special or better or stronger than anyone else. In fact many people I know who decide they need to make changes have enough insecurities (based on how they put themselves in the position to make some necessary changes) to insure they DON’T feel they are more special and stronger.

Most people sense they have a big change in front of them … it is uphill for now … and they are simply an ordinary unremarkable person.

(I am going to get back to that as an outsider looking in on a couple of these type situations)


But to begin the change you have to believe in some way that you have some added “remarkable” untapped strength within you.

Something a little extraordinary above your normal seemingly everyday ordinary person you are.

And it starts in your head.

Oh. And it cannot be ongoing (no one has the strength to be remarkable forever).

Let’s call it an internal ‘push’ through a transition change period.

Similar to a car changing lanes and passing you pick up speed but at some point settle back in to the non passing lane. And (to stick with the metaphor) at some point you need to stop and get some gas or relax at a rest stop.

New school. New job. New love. New life. New home. New body. New ???. Choose one.

okay. Maybe choose two.

Three? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm … remember … you are an everyday ordinary person.

Pick ‘em all? Yikes. Something has to go.

I guess this is a corollary to my “making your mark” post.

If you believe you are ordinary.

If you believe you are an everyday person just doing what you need to do.

If you believe you are unremarkable.

If you believe you have some insecurity that may have some doubt creep in.

Then, yes, there are some choices to be made.

(see … I told you that change begins in the head)

Something gets left behind. Okay. Maybe it just gets prioritized lower on the list and not completely left behind.

And let’s be honest here.

This is a tough tough tough decision. I mean really fucking tough.

Because the personal change you have identified to go and ‘do’ was really big. Change is always big. Lay on top of that it is a change you feel just needs to happen. To become … well … happier. Better. Whatever.

So the objective of the change is something good. Has a very high priority. And frankly failure has no frickin’ appeal at all.

So to insure success you look at your list and make some decisions.

And something has to be on the bottom of the list. And no matter what it is on your list it is something that would make your life better or happier. And you are putting it off. To do something else.

Wow. That’s all I can say on that one.

And I believe this following thought often.

Those of us on the outside forget the difficulty of the personal choices being made. Especially if our own priority drops down on the list.

Anyway. Some little steps. To the person making the change?

Reinvention, a change of scenery, whatever.  Don’t hold back. If it is on the top of your list (or top 2) go. And do not stop.

Self image reinvention? cutting your hair or buying some new clothes and crap like that? Go get ‘em. Some physical tangible aspects tied to the head decisions are awesome when you look in the mirror. Kind of like some confirmation.

Next. Leaving stuff behind. (this is different than the choices thing above). Tell him you’re leaving, leave your job, sell some past gifts, in general, leave some baggage behind. Go get ‘em.  These decisions will pave the way for the rest of your change (and hopefully ongoing life).


Getting back to my “ordinary unremarkable person” comment.

I guess in the end what surprises me is how people who decide to make ‘the change’ that is really good and maybe even necessary for them to find happiness is that they undersell it in their head.

Instead of stepping forward in pursuit of something that is, frankly, remarkable … they are envisioning it as “what choice do I have .. it is something I need to do.”

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm …


I guess so.

Well. What am I thinking?

Fuck no.

This is the start of something remarkable dammit.

So you are simply an unremarkable ordinary person who is now going to make a remarkable effort to change.

Am I crazy?

I know we don’t want to make the change any more daunting then it currently appears but in the end, well, it would be nice to stand back and recognize that it … well …. took a remarkable amount of character and strength to do it.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised though.

In my experience the people who have the strength of character and decide to make the needed changes in their life never recognize their own distinct ‘greatness’ (or remarkableness). Maybe its they get bogged down in the insecurities or baggage that got them to the ‘I need to change’ scenario. Maybe they dwell on the past too much. I don’t know.

All I know is that I like (and respect and admire) self admitted ordinary people who do remarkable things.

Mostly because in the end you get to tell them how awesome they are to have done what they have done (because they are still blundering around in their unremarkable belief land).

And if you pay attention on the outside looking in you can see some of the sacrifices they made when prioritizing choices in the change mode.

And, if you are really really good as an outsider, you figure out a way of making one of the choices they sacrificed upfront a possibility for them when they step out from the change.

Cause that feels good to see. Oh. And if you are really really lucky you get to be part of it.


Change begins in the head.

And some remarkable things can happen in your head.

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Written by Bruce