do I suffer well

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“It’s true, I suffer a great deal–but do I suffer well?

That is the question.”

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Thérèse de Lisieux

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Well. I have had this debate a zillion times, you know the one, the one where you discuss who has it worse. You know. Who is going through tougher times. It’s possible the discussion revolves around a bad moment in life which is truly horrible … but how horrible? And horrible relative to other horribleness?

That said. While it is most likely true that, regardless of your situation, someone somewhere has it worse than you do, if we are really honest, that thought doesn’t really seem that comforting nor does it really offer any solutions when it is you in that moment. To me … comparing bad situations is not only not very helpful but it also tends to suggest the wrong thing  – “my suffering isn’t equal to your suffering.”

I mean … how the heck do you compare suffering? Isn’t suffering suffering?

I hesitate to use this next quote only in that while making the point it suggests ‘horrible’ can be viewed as a flower:

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A flower does not think of competing to the other flower next to it. It just blooms.

<zen shin>

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But I thought I could use this quote because flowers do not judge and maybe we shouldn’t judge suffering, or more simplistic for most of us, the holes each of us fall into on occasion.

To me?

Horrible is horrible. A black hole is a black hole. And while maybe not all holes and abysses are created equal, all seem equally deep when in one and the suffering when within a hole is, well, pretty insufferable. “Insufferable” may not be literally true but figuratively I tend to believe that is how we view it when encountering horror or slip into some dark hole.

And before you dismiss this whole concept, yeah, we will all fall into a hole, or two, in Life.

I wrote this back in 2013 I wrote this about holes …

…. almost everyone has their own hole that Life makes you climb in and out of on occasion.

But inevitably, at some point, Life puts you in your hole and leaves you there … alone … with your thoughts … thoughts of how different you are or how different you think or simply how different your life is from every one else … and Life doesn’t help you get out of the hole.  Because it is yours. And it is yours to figure out how to get out of.

This leads me back to my opening quote.

Everyone steps, slides or falls into holes in Life. Inevitably this pretty much means we all suffer to some degree during our Life.

The question one must ask themselves at some point is … well … do I suffer well?

For if we all suffer at some point, and 99% of us figure out a way of getting out of our hole, then the question isn’t really about getting out of the hole but how did you manage yourself when in the hole.

In other words … do I suffer well?

An interesting question of character I would say.

A thoughtful question to ponder in self reflection. If we all fall into holes and you stop comparing the depth & breadth of holes, then we all suffer and, maybe, just maybe, we should focus on suffering well until we get out of our hole. That is the question.