capitalism made simple

Ok.

I admit.

This is silly.

But for Labor Day <here in america> I thought I would share something labor-like. Say … capitalism.

Capitalism is so often defined as some machine manufactured assembly line item which in and of itself is a flawed widget.

I imagine the real point of this silliness is that capitalism comes in a variety of flavors.

Each society & culture uses the ‘widget’ in a different way … based on their culture norms, attitudes and ethics.

Therefore behaviorally capitalism comes to Life so many different ways … well … it kind of suggests capitalism isn’t the root of all evil … maybe it is the people who are the ‘root’ of any and all things that happen <whew … there is a philosophical thought that suggests some responsibility … huh>?>

Anyway.

Here is the silliness <with a tint of truth>:

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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

 ===

ANY SLIMY BUSINESS ANYWHERE VENTURE CAPITALISM:

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

===

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

===

 
A FRENCH CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

===

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide <and make gobs of money with the cow product line extensions>.

===

A GERMAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

===

 
A BRITISH CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

===

 
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.

 
You break for lunch.

===

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

===

A SWISS CORPORATION:

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.

You charge others for storing them.

===

 
A CHINESE CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

===

 
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

 
You worship them.

===

AN INDONESIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

One is milked using highly inefficient methods using underage <not to mention underpaid!> labor. The milking process is done by 100 people, 2 of which does the actual milking while 98 are consultants from some overpriced global consultant.

The milk is sold to two companies owned by your sons and daughters at slightly above cost, who exports them to Singapore at triple the price. The milk is then refined in Saudi Arabia, and then re-exported back to Indonesia under a foreign brand name and sold to regular customers at an even higher price.
The other cow?

Gone with the flood.

 
——–

Anyway.

I thought it was funny.

Whether you rant about capitalism or not … it is everywhere in some form or fashion.

And while we like to paint ‘capitalism’ as some black & white evil economic machine … it is colored by each culture that works within its construct.